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Moving with friend and mother
So my family - my mom, brother, and my friend all live in a one bedroom apartment. We've lived like this for 3 years this month. But my brother has recently told us that he wants to live by himself. Either he keeps the apartment and we move out or he will move out and we keep the apartment. So me and my friend were thinking about getting a place together. But my mom wants to move with us too. But I really dont want her to. I really dont want to live with my friend either, I just want my own space but someone to go half with on bills would be nice. But my mom would have nowhere else to go. She got fired from her a job a couple of months ago and she has bad knees and hips. She also has a drug habit. So shes trying to get disability. And my friend has a job but she also doesnt pay her bills on time. For the last 4 months she's given my brother like 200 total for rent. She makes enough to pay him. But she spends it on food (eating out) and buying she really doesn't need. They both dont like to clean. I also dont want extra baggage I just idk I feel like its mean but I also feel like I should give them a chance. I also dont want my mom to get comfortable because I dont want live her forever. Any suggestions???
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If your mothers drug habit is known to her doctors they are required to report that as part of her medical history to Social Security. Being a drug addicted person, even if it is to prescription drugs, Social Security will not approver her for disability.
Keeping her with you will be an enabling event one which is not in her best interest. Instead you and your brother should inform her that her only option is rehab or find someone else to care for her and take her in. This is called tough love but it may just save her life.
As for you and finding your own place. I understand the desire to have someone to share the bills with. This doesn't mean you have to do so with your friend. There are any number of different ways to find roommates. The local and daily newspapers in the personal sections have listings for roommates wanted. Many of which already have an apartment you can move into. Then there is the Internet and different sites that are available to finding a roommate.
Some real estate companies offer to assist in finding roommates as well. This service is a fee for service option. What is good about the service is they have vetted the roommates for compatibility so there is less chance of moving in with someone you won't get along with; such as someone who is a night owl to your being a day person example.
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If your mom has an addiction moving her in is the worst thing you can do. It is called enabling. As long as someone else is taking care of her needs the only thing she has to worry about is drugs! It may sound harsh but it might save her life. If your friend is irresponsible with money it could be a bad decision to bring her with you as well. Why don't you look for a small efficiency apartment that you can afford by yourself but no on else would be allowed to move in with you(in case you have a moment of weakness.)You should be the first one to move out of your current apartment because it will be much harder to leave mom alone after all the others are gone. Addicts have an amazing capacity to manipulate loved ones and make them feel guilty. If at all possible look up a local chapter of NA(narcotics anonymous)for mom and (Al-anon)for you. They will help you understand how and in what ways you can help her with out hurting yourself or enabling her. If she refuses to go, you should go anyway. It will help you to learn how to deal with her addiction. Good luck on your first apartment and your new life!
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I understand wanting to help out your mom but if she is using you may not want her to move with you. You should try to get her some help before her addiction gets worse. Just think of it like this.. What if someone turns her in for doing drugs and your house gets raided. Drugs on the property, they are not going to ask questions you will get in trouble. Or if her addiction gets worse she may strat stealing also not good. Now as for your friend just tell her you want your own place. Be honest with her. Its ok to want to be on your own. Its just a part of growing up and realizing its time to move to the next phase in your life. And if she is your true friend she will understand
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