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I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.
advice
is it true that chicken has no carbs? what type of chicken is it exactly?
This is true. Chicken is a protein and fat. Chicken actually is indigenous to the jungles of India. Each culture has cultivated chickens and raised them according to traits they wanted (selective breeding). (Ours seems to be the most grotesque method.) Carbohydrates are things like fruits and vegetables. The carbohydrates that these diets are telling you are bad for you are the processed carbs. These are things like processed white sugar (devoid of any nutritional value), these are your cakes, pies, candy, sodas...anything made with white processed sugar. It is my belief that at some point in time it will be discovered (acknowledged) that any food altered chemically by us has the potential to work against us. We function at our greatest potential when we eat fresh food. It has been shown through special cameras that everything has life energy. There is an aura of light that surrounds everything, you, me, and everything else, including fruits and vegetables. The sooner they are consumed after harvesting the brighter the life light and the better for you. The longer it takes to get to your table the more faded the light. As you can imagine there is no life force left in a can of peas. Just as it is the case for most fast foods, canned or box foods. Another thing to be considered for best fuel consumption is correct food combining. Something I think gets way too little attention. If we did that we would have less of a weight problem in this country. It works like this (and I’m truly simplifying this): Carbohydrates and proteins don’t digest in your system at the same rate. Carbohydrates burn faster than proteins do. So, when you have a hamburger you are taking in two things that digest at different rates. Your body gets prepared to digest carbohydrates (the processed bun) because it is the fastest but then it looses steam in the process. It doesn’t get to digest the meat part of the sandwich. The meat can get clogged in your system for years. Look around you. Look at all of the adults who have big bellies with skinny little arms and legs. They are clogged. You can’t have that baked potato with sour cream, butter and cheese. You can have a baked potato with sautéed garlic, onions and mushrooms in olive oil. Now there are certain carbs that it is acceptable to eat with proteins. To explain all of this would be lengthy. I have included some websites below which will explain in greater detail than I what the most efficient method of human functioning would be. Good luck!
http://weightloss.about.com/cs/foodcombining/
http://www.hps-online.com/food/
http://www.healingdaily.com/detoxification-diet/food-combining.htm
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I fell in love with my bestfriend (typical). but he used to and still says that he loves me more than he has ever loved a girl in his life. and the other day he told me that he had a girlfriend so obviously i was heart broken. SO appearently he "loves" me only as a friend. yea its confising i kno, geeze. So i just want some advice on how to get over him...like what should I do and places I could go to get him out of my mind, because i really dont want to ruin this friendship. It was just my fault on falling for him.oh yeah i just turned 17 and ima girl and hes 19.
There are a couple of exercises I think would be helpful. I got them out of the book, "Brain States", by Tom Kenyon, M.A. Find yourself a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit or lay in a relaxing position and breath in slowly to the count of eight, then breath out to the count of eight. Once you've slowed your body down to match your breathing start to notice what is tense in how you are holding your body. Start to let the tension go in each area of the body one area at a time. Hold this relaxed state for as long as possible. You can also use this state to achieve a myriad of goals or personal growth work....
.... slowly transcend into these exercises:
Choose a visual memory you have of you and your best friend. Be sure it is full of the love you feel for him. Caution: It is important that you know that before you do this you want to be very sure that a memory is not that important to you.
1. Notice your emotional reaction to this picture in your head.
2. Notice if the picture is in color. If it is in color, change it to black and white.
3. Notice if the picture has a frame around it. If it doesn't put a frame around it. Notice your emotional reaction to this picture.
4. Notice if the picture is moving or still. If the picture is moving slow it down until it is still. If it is still, make it moving. Notice your emotional reaction to this change.
5. Finally, notice if the picture is clear or fuzzy. If it is clear, make the picture fuzzy. If it is fuzzy, make it clear.
6. Now look at this changed picture in your mind. What is your emotional reaction to it now? Is it different than your reaction to the original picture?
Note: If you prefer this new reaction, leave the new picture in place. If you prefer your first reaction, bring the picture back to the way it was.
You can see how this exercise can be used to lower the intensity of your feelings towards your friend.
Exercise 2:
The purpose of this exercise is to attune you to the various physiological shifts that occur with this modality of experience.
1. Recall a happy feeling. Intensify it. Make it stronger. Where do you feel this emotion most clearly in your body? Notice the physiological sensations in your face as you feel this emotion.
2. Recall a sad feeling. Intensify the feeling and notice where you seem to feel this emotion. Notice the physical sensations in your face as you feel this feeling.
3. Recall an angry feeling. Intensify this feeling and notice where in your body you feel this emotion the most. Notice the physical sensations in your face as you experience this feeling.
4. Now take a deep breath and on the exhale imagine that the angry and sad feelings are leaving on the exhaled breath. Now recall a calm feeling and take a moment to be in this calm feeling.
You can see how the use of this exercise can help you be in control of your emotions instead of your emotions in control of you. This doesn't get rid of a feeling you have for someone. I don't think you ever really want that. Now, what you do is, use these same techniques when you are out in life, for example: if you are around your best friend and intense feelings start swelling up in you...you could start lowering your breathing rate, release any tense areas you are experiencing (usually the abdominal area), and then releasing this emotion on the exhale. This will help you a lot if you will practice it. After a while it will be so simple as to think about it and you will experience the state of mind you wish to be in. I am not advocating getting rid of emotions. I think love is very important and each time we love someone this special feeling should be treasured. I don't think all is lost with you and your best friend's your timing is off. I think it is still a possibility for you at some point. What I hope you use these exercises for is to lower the intensity of these feelings for now. It will help you to see things clearly. You can also apply these exercises to your life as a whole. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
15, almost 16, female.
Little brother is 12 almost13.
we fight all the time. I try so hard to be nice. and most of the time I am nice. I am always sharing, and even if I getsomething new, I always share it, and I am tollerent of our different taste in music. He likes heavy rap and metal, and those are the two I despise. Although I enjoy love songs, they are not my favorite, he despises them tho.
I want to be a good big sister. I want him to come to me when he has a girlfriend, or when he has girl trouble, or something good to tell me. I want him to be able to come to me. Now when he needs to be driven to a friends house or somewhere with a friend, he despises when I drive, ( I have my permit) but, I know I need the practice so I can get my liscense, and My parents, of course, are with me, and they are okay with me driving my brother and his friends. But I will be getting my liscence in 5months, and I want him to want me to drive him. I want him to look up to me, and like it when I drive him or pick him up from places. I do try to set a good example too!!
Any tips? Is he just going through a stage? How can I be more tollerent when he is bad??
thank you so much in advance!!
-Kelsey-
k2204
It sounds as if you and your brother are in a bit of a "round robin" situation. You need to stop and get off the whirlwind. Catch your breath. Take yourself to a quiet comfortable place (where no one will disturb you) and breath in slowly to the count of 8, then breath out slowly to the count of 8. Do this for as long as you can (at least 10 minuets at a time). Notice how you feel while you are doing this. Feel each breath as it goes in and out. Notice what parts of your body are tense for some reason. Then, start to release the tension in these areas one area at a time. At least try to get your entire body relaxed before moving on. The object here is to get your body into a relaxed state for as long as you possibly can before restlessness sets in. While you are in these states you can cocentrate on goals, your faith or anything you feel you want growth and accomplishment in. You can do this sitting or lying down. Take some time to disentangle the mess you have found yourself in. Answers won't come to you at first, but if you do this every time you feel overwhelmed and out of sorts you will begin to understand for yourself what is going on and how to handle it. I would wager that you already have an inkling about how to make things better. You're just not ready to perceive (acknowledge) it and that's OK. All good things come to us when we are ready. Do this little exercise I gave you as often as you can. You will soon find you are better able to handle that little brother of yours.
Something else that works for me is this. Ignore your brother. Don't listen to him. What I'm saying is don't let him get to you. I know, there are times where he will get to that button and maliciously grind away. At first this won't work, but keep practicing it. Eventually it will become second nature. I do that relaxing exercise, I explained earlier, in my head. If someone is yammering at me.....I start slowing down my breath. I still listen to them, but I start relaxing the parts of the body that happen to be tense. Once I feel relaxed I will respond. An interesting side note; the conversation in my head changes dramatically from my tense state to calmed relaxed state of mind. How I approach the problem is totally different from what it would have been had I responded immediately. Learn to do this and it will help you through many intense times.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I'm friends with a married couple. We've been friends for about 3 years. I am single but a christian who is saving herself for marriage. Well recently I had ran into the husband of this married couple and he told me that he struggles with pornography. I was pretty shocked and thought that it should be something he should be telling his wife before me. He also told me what bad taste his wife had and that he wished he were single.
Other people who are friends with him have told me that he is always yelling at his wife and saying she's "a stupid woman" behind her back. I have another female friend who's told me that he's come on to other woman and even asked someone to bed. She refused because she knew he was married. I've also heard he's really wild with some of his friends and frequents the porn shops, gets stoned AND drunk then roars around on his motorbike.
I'm pretty disgusted with him, and really don't want to be his friend anymore. But the problem is what is his wife going to think? What should I tell her when she asks why I don't want to do things with them anymore? When I first met him he said he was a born again christian and that he hated porn and drugs. What a lyer.
from confused
Cutting off all ties is a perfict solution. What to tell the wife? Nothing. You can't tell her unless you are willing to be the bad guy and be written off anyway. She may not be willing to see her husband for who he is yet. She loves him. She may still be seeing the fantasy man she feel in love with. She sees what she perceives as his good side and she may even believe she inspired his goodness which is gurggling up from the dregs. Don't worry about her. She made her bed. To be polite simply be busy and eventually she won't call anymore. Stick to your convictions. If you see him in public again you CAN say anything you want to him. You can let him know how you feel. Chances are after that you won't be receiving any phone calls from the wife.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
ok I think I'm going crazy there is this one problem that has been on my mind for a very long time,I keep thinking about it but it is really eating at me. Ok so I think I'm like kinda talented cause I can rap and I can sing people always tell me I'm really good so I'm happy because I also think I'm good. When I grow up I plan to be rich so that's why I've decided to be a lawyer when I grow up,but I really want to be famous aswel for like singing or something but then why am I at school? if I want to persue a music career but if I don't and I go into law then I'll have lots of regrets and after all that schooling it will be too late to start voice training.So what do I do? my parents suport the idea of me becoming a lawyer but I lovee the idea of being famous and I really think I can make it. But what if I fail then it will too late to start schooling please help I RATE 5'S FOR ANY ANSWER THAT'S UP TO A SENTENCE.
P.S. I'm only 13
Andrea Bucelli is a lawyer and one of the worlds most recognized tenors. It never hurts (especially someone who is famous and in the music industry) to know the legal system. You could go into business, corporate law, or specialize in contract law, which would be extremely helpful to you as a rapper. There is nothing wrong with accomplishing two carrier goals; people do it all the time. Also, there is nothing you could do in preparation for a career that could be considered a waste. Learning is never a waste and if you become the rapper first you could even finish up your educational goals whenever you find a few months strewn together. How exciting things must be for you. Enjoy the ride. Don't let someone else's comments knock you down or disway you. Stay true to your goals and good luck to you!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
HE is very popular. He's a bad boy who gets into fights all the time.
HE used to like me four years ago. Then I pissed him off really bad and he stopped talking to me.
HE stares at me all the time now.
What does this mean?
Who knows except for him? But, if I were to venture a guess, it sounds as though you fascinate him. I would like to caution you to keep in mind how angry you made him in the past. Something you said or did last time made him feel threatened in some way. He felt so strongly about this issue that he hasn't talked to you in, as I understand it, years. It was obviously a deep-rooted vulnerability bound emotion. If you want to re-establish contact I say start off slow. Let him set the pace. You can start it off by glancing back at him when he's looking at you. This lets him know that you know he's looking. Then you can start saying, "hi", when you run into him. Conversations will progress from here. Good luck with this, it is a tricky predicament to begin with, but once you've broken through the barrier it will be smooth sailing.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
There is a guy named John I recently met who has really taken a liking to me. We've gone on a couple of dates, we get along well and I know that he'd probably be very good for me, but of course, I'm still hung up on my ex, Tom. What's more, Tom and I are still kind of seeing each other, too. We've decided to just go with the flow and seeing what happens, rather than just jump back into something or decide against it.
I made this clear to John on our first date so that I would not be maliciously leading him on. This didn't change John's stance at all and he still seems to want to pursue me. Even though I've told John everything, am I still leading him on by talking to him on the phone and texting him a lot? John and I haven't even so much as kissed but I still want to be careful about this.
No, you're not leading him on. The problem here is not if you are leading him on, but if he is leading himself on. Sometimes people mistake our actions, such as your hanging out with him, as being a sign that you may be interested in him too. He may have "high hopes" because he could rationalize that "behavior" speaks louder than words, which means, your dating him expresses an interest. And, I must admit that this is how I view people. I tell people all the time that I base a person's character on what they do not what they say they do. I translate this to other various aspects of viewing people, such as, hanging out and dating someone appears as an attraction with possibilities. The important thing here is you relax and enjoy yourself. How others interpret a situation is on them. Each person is responsible for his or her own perceptions and you can't even try to worry about that or you will drive yourself mad. The only person you are totally responsible for is yourself. It will not be your fault if he should choose an alternate scenario. Just be prepared for a perception with an end result different from what you have in mind. Be patient and kind to him if he just isn't getting it verbally. He may not want to. I wish you the best of luck.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
I am a vegitarian (not a vegan, I still consume dairy products and seafood) does anyone know of good recipes that can be eaten on a lowcarb or better yet no carb diet, I'm tired of cooking and eating the same thing, I need some new ideas..Please post your responces if you have any suggestions..Thank you ..and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
There are many sources for recipes all around you. Go to your local health food store/bookstore and you will find a plethora of deliciously creative recipe books with your diet needs. You can also check for the free publications that usually adorn your health food stores. These publications usually have recipes in them. I've also included some web sites that have recipes and diet ideas on them. Good luck on your quest!
http://www.immuneweb.org/lowcarb/
http://www.globalgourmet.com/food/special/2000/lowcarb/
http://www.carbohydrate-counter.org/vegetarian-diet.php
http://www.lowcarb-recipes.net/recipes/Main-Dish/Vegetarian/
Namaste,
LULABELLE
Okay well i went to my church and my boyfriend(Tom) wasnt hanging out w/ me but he was hanging out w/ everyone but me(including his new g/f). he said that i was ignoring him and that he wanted to go out w/ Sally(who he just met not even 3 days ago), so i broke up w/ him. and 1 day later he ended up asking Sally out. Sally said yes. now they are going out....i really did like him...like soooo much.....but then at church Tom and Sally were hugging and holding hands and crap rite in front of me ( proably just to get me jealous). now we all hate eachother but i still kinda like him...but i hate Sally.....What should i do????
*Names changed for safety
-confused
It appears your X boyfriend manipulated you into breaking up with him. He turned your argument around on you. You were questioning HIM about why HE was with everyone except you in church. He then turns that around on YOU and accuses you of avoiding him? This is where you say something like...no, no, no; you are not turning this around on me. What's really going on here? (Or something like that). Anyway, he's used your legitimate argument for a way to justify his own end. He is probably now telling this other girl what a witch you are. To be honest with you...he doesn't sound like a very nice person in the first place. You are very lucky you aren't in a relationship with someone who would treat anyone the way he treated you. You didn't do anything but question him about why he didn't spend any time with you. That is no crime. Did the two of you argue a lot? If you did, I'd take a good look at these arguments because I bet there were a few that you don't even understand to this day how it got started, but you know how you felt when it was over. Don't be pulled into their hate. There is no reason (based on the info you've given) for them to hate you. Let's say you said a few things that weren't nice at the very end. You were hurt. That should be considered in the equation here. I don't support saying mean things, but when it is done under stress it is understandable. He was the one flitting around the room and ignoring YOU. Whatever else happened in your relationship with him, whoever was right or wrong on something, this was not a nice way to handle a breakup. And that girl he’s now friending? She can't be too smart. However he has treated you is probably how she will also be treated. A person with good character would have talked to you before church or spent time with you in church and explained his feelings afterwards. He's not worth your effort. What I suggest you do is forget about him. Move on. How do you do that? Good question. I realize that you still have feelings for him. Start befriending other people at church and elsewhere. Pretend they don't exist (your x and this other girl). Ignore them. They are being petty and cruel; they are not worthy of your precious time. At first making new relationships may feel hollow to you, but keep at it. Eventually this painful feeling will subside and be replaced with happiness and joy again. There is someone out there who will respect the beautiful person you are and treat you with kindness. That's whom you want in your life. Good luck!
Namaste!
Pamela
I had the worst day. I found out this morning that one of my friends died in her sleep at her parents. I hadnt talked to her in a long time so I felt a lot of guilt. I also had to phone another friend who had a falling out with her 6 months ago and she felt so guilty she spent the whole day crying.
The funeral is on wednesday morning and I can't go because I have to work. So I spent 40 dollars to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to the funeral.
I also stubbed my toe, slammed my finger in a door, and got my period today. I don't have a bf to comfort me and all my other friends are too upset over the death of our friend to talk to me. Is there something that I could do to make myself feel better about this situation? I thought that by getting the flowers I would feel better but I only feel worse. And how can I get undepressed? It's right before Xmas and I don't want to ruin the holidays for my family.
I know this has to be a hard time for you right now and that's why you stubbed your toe, slammed your finger and got your period. You are under a great deal of stress due to your friendâ??s death, which is completely understandable. I've lost people in my life and I know how devastating this is. Your body is on HIGH ALERT right now so it is extremely necessary for you to do things to bring your stress level down. You and your friends will all probably come down with colds. There is nothing I can do for you emotionally. This is something that you do have to work through on your own. You and your friends could use some grief counseling. Contact your school or church for some suggestions. They usually have a list of things that will help you in the emotional sense. Until then what you might try is being the beacon among you and your friends. Call them and suggest y'all do something like go to a movie. At first they may not want to, but if you keep at it eventually they will. It's perfectly normal to want to isolate yourselves during times of stress. It's just not the best choice. It's ok if you go to a movie or simply go shopping this gives your body a break from the stress it is undergoing. Tell your friends that it is for their own good to get out of the house for a while. Eventually they will join you and y'all will start talking about things and can then work through things together. Another thing you and your friends should do right now (I know this will be hard) is eat right. I'm not talking McDonalds or Burger King. I am saying that while your body is going through this stress you have to be extra good to it. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. This will help your body obtain the vitamins and minerals it needs so it can handle this undue stress. It also helps in keeping your body clean which helps you feel better. Take a lot of vitamin C all through the day. This contributes to your immune system functioning correctly. Your body is now in a "fight or flight" stress alert. Your body is confused as to where the threat is coming from. So, it is in high gear. All the solders are in line and ready for an attach. These solders are at such a high stress alert that they stumble or even attach you. They have to do something they are antsy, so, they start to clean house which then brings on cold symptoms. The mucus formation is the bodies way to rid itself of toxins. Our bodies are riddled with toxins. We get them through the foods we eat, the air we breathe, and the water we drink (if you drink from a tap). These toxins are stored in our fatty tissue. This is why most people come down with colds during times of high stress. Eating well, taking vitamins (especially C), and drinking lots of water throughout the day will keep your body functioning clearly. This will help you stay healthy during all of this. One comment about vitamin C I want to make. Try to take it all throughout the day. If you start having loose bowel movement it will be because of too much vitamin C. If this occurs simply back down one pill (serving). What you end up with is the perfect amount to take during this stressful time. And take it. It will make a huge difference to how you feel physically. You canâ??t overdose on vitamin C so donâ??t worry about that. But, if you experience the symptoms I described earlier back down on your intake some. Also, adding calcium and magnesium would be of great help to you now. It will help you feel calmer and you will sleep better at night too. I wish you the best of luck during this time of loss. If I could be of further assistance to you feel free to contact me. Iâ??ve included some websites for you to go to. They are support groups and most of them are forums like Advicenators. This might be a great place for you to express your grief. Good luck!
http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=1
http://www.rockfax.com/forums/t.php?t=138066
http://www.drphil.com/messageboard_archive/?IDX=messages&DiscussionID=151&P=24
http://shiningstarsingles.com/dp.asp?section_id=2&post_id=19869
http://www.healingafterloss.org/cgi-bin/talk/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000256
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I was just wondering what everyone thinks about love? I don't believe in love and was just wondering what everyone else thought about it.
Of course there is such a thing as love. You experience it on a daily basis. You love your friends, mother, father, grandmother/father, ice cream, chocolate...your dog/cat, etc. Love is all around you, open yourself up to it. You are even made up of love just as we all are. What I think you are referring to is the popularized "in love", scenerio. That is ABSOLUTELY possible as well. The problem I'm seeing these days is that this is unfortunately not a probable scenerio. What people most often do (and I've done this myself) is mistake a chemical reaction to someone's pheromones as being "in love". Now, granted, this strong chemical reaction to someone can certainly lead to a true "in love" situation, but most often does not and this is because people confuse this chemical reaction as being "in love". This is why you hear so many people say when they break up with someone that the person they are breaking up with is nothing like who or what they thought they were. This initial chemical reaction is so strong that people often overlook potential problems and fantasize these potential problems aren't real. I call this stage "in lust". What happens in this stage is the object of your desire is on your mind constantly. All you can think of, smell, and see. People aren't staying together much anymore so it's difficult to see how a true "in love" couple looks. Actual true love comes in after the strong chemical reaction of pheromones has settled (it's still there, it's just not on full alert). It's not as strong anymore because other life issues come creaping back into existance. While in the lust/chemical state people block out all that is going on around them and go into a hyper-focus state. In this mode all you can see is the other person. Then life starts envading. In other words life just starts to get in the way. One of the many ways love developes is how each person observes how the other meets lifes challenges. This is the part where people need to learn to work on being together. The part where life hits you between the teeth. True love is loyal, trusting and respectful (to simplify it a lot). There is giving, taking and compromising. It's taking responsibilty for who you are and in turn you are able to share and open up the most precious gift there is (you)and share (Who you are) with another person. To feel safe with this is a very difficult thing. Very, very few people ever acheive this level. Most people are maintaining a part of themselves hidden for fear of being hurt. People fear that if they reveal themselves then they will open themselves up to being hurt by someone else. That can't happen unless you let it (I mean this in the emotional sense). You can do this without feeling the pain, but this is a another complicated issue that would take me hours to touch on. From the sound of your question, you haven't had that chemical reaction to anyone as of yet. Not to worry, it will happen all in good time. You will probably meet and become close with a few people before you discover the one person that will turn your world on end. It is my wish for you that it will be a good end too. This issue is not so easily explained in an advise colomn like this. I hope that I've given you enough information to enable you to figure some of it out for yourself. You see, part of the lesson of love is for you to experience it and learn from it at your own pace and level. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I have a friend who is still friends with this really awful woman. It was so bad between me and this woman that I had to put a block on my phone. She was abusive to me, she backstabbed me, she monopolized my time and tried to control me. She would break into my email account and delete things from my family. This is embarrasing to say but she even tried to seduce me a couple of times She is a real bitch and told me once that I didnt want to get on her bad side or she'd black mail me. I met her at a volunteer center when I was on welfare. My parents hated her and told me to drop her.
Well I finally did and was she ever mad!! I had to stop volunteering at the centre and stop going to the same places as her. She still badmouths me to any one who listens.
My other friend still likes me but is scared to get on this womans bad side. So she is friends with her but has to lie that we are not friends.
She even told me that i should bury the hatchet and phone her!! I said no way.
How can I get my friend to wake up and realize this woman is a complete bitch?
Your friend is aware of how this woman is. Her way of dealing with this type of person is to not let on. This is a completely valid approach to coping with someone like this. She just gives in and plays nice. This woman you are having problems with is irrational(very, very, incurably sick). You can't use reason to get something across to someone who is without reason. No matter what you do, no matter what you come up with as proof, no matter how many witnesses you have to a situation, you will always be wrong. These people waste no punches they start telling distorted versions of experiences with you to anyone who will listen. They have to proove their case before you do that..."you...bad...me...good". Thier distorded version of truths are based on stories of actual events to keep things "REAL". You can't rationalize with this type of reasoning. You will never win with these people. There are two lines of action you can take with someone like this. One is to do as your friend says. Suck it up and play friend (even though you are not) just to appease her. Then you can just fad out of the picture...calling her less and less, until you don't have any further contact. Y'all just lost interest, or so the story will go if you are ever asked. The second option is to take her on full force and that would mean going down to court and filing a restraining order out on this woman. If you feel you must maintan your distance at this point than you have to take more authoritative measures. It has been my experience that there is no happy medium with these people. They are all or nothing. I'm not an attorney, but it sounds to me like she may have broken a few laws already. She is being boldly abusive. You have to boldly counter her if this is your choice of action. I feel for you. This is an extremely difficult situation. There is no way you can come out of this unscathed. So, which line of action will bear the least amount of stress on you and your body is the choice that I'd make if it were me. I wish I had a "you win" scenerio to give you. But, any way you can get out of this with the least amount of scars is a success. Keep in mind...the more you argue with her the worse it will get. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
We were having a Xmas party at my school today. In one of my classes, we were having a mock debate game. The teacher would call up four of us and give us a topic. One of the topics was 'it Santa Claus real or not"? Two people had to debate for the positive, that he was real, and the other two had to debate that he wasnt.
Well when my turn came up, the topic was: does Santa spend his summer in mexico or the North Pole? I was on the negative team, so I had to debate that Santa did NOT spend his Xmas in Mexico.
Well when I started talking I was really on a role. I said that I had been to Mexico 3 times and never once had a seen a fat, pasty looking man with a long white beard tanning on the beach. Then I added "who would want to see that? It's DISGUSTING!! I also talked about how Santa never has a tan, and that if he spent a whole summer in Mexico he would still be a bit bronn at Xmas time. I also added that he had to compile his naughty and nice list and get his elves in order, and that the summer is only 4 months away from Xmas so he would definatley have to spend his Xmas in the North Pole.
Well I got a couple of chuckles during my speech, and me and my partner won a prize for best debate!!
The only thing I'm worried about is now some of the guys in the class are avoiding me, and not being as friendly to me after I made my speech. I thought of two things: maybe some guys don't like girls to be funny and outspoken, that's what guys do, and 2, maybe they were offended by me saying that seeing Santa tanning on the beach was digusting.
Does anyone have any ideas?
PS, not everyone reacted this way. The teacher came up to me afterwords and told me I was hilarious.
Don't think about it. Your bringing yourself down and ruining the success of your debate. This debate was just a fun game, anyone who would take any portion of it seriously has issues you don't need to involve yourself with. So, remember, those people who have a problem with what was said during a class game are not worthy of thought. I'm not saying be mean to these people. What I'm saying is don't let these types of thoughts have even 5 seconds of your energy. Fill your thoughts with the success of the day. You deserve to feel good about your debate...so FEEL GOOD. The reason I suggest that you ignore the behavior of these people, who are not dealing with their feelings of inadeqacey, is because you are taking on their feelings/issues. These people are feeling badly and it could be for a myriad of reasons such as, they are jealous that they didn't come up with some cute and witty retorts, or they could feel it is not becomming of a girl. Whatever their reason, it has nothing to do with you. They are the ones with the problem, not you. And when you entertain for one minute why they are being different towards you, you are taking on their problems, narrow viewpoint, their not liking to see others zealously happy, etc. You are making an energy compromise when you allow this energy in. You are no longer quite as happy and excited about your success. They have you thinking that you've done something wrong. YOU HAVEN'T. So, go back to your accelerating and joyful celebration of your success. Be proud of yourself, you deserve it. Then how you overcome these narrow minded opinions is when you are around these people be real nice. Say "hi" to them whenever you see them. Most of all, be yourself. Eventually, things will get back to the way it was before the debate. Another thing you can feel good about is your ability to connect with your inner wisdom who, by the way, probably was intrumental in alerting you to this, "something wasn't quite right with some people", dilemma. Use this magnificent guide. Listen to your guide and it will always be there for you. One last thing...are you sure that one or two of them may have a little crush on you because of this? There are some guys become (don't ask me why...one of the secretes of the universe) shy and aloof when they start to develope feelings for a girl. Silly, I know, but you might look at this possibility. Your inner wisdom is just telling you that things aren't the same anymore. You need to start observing and seeing for yourself what has changed. With patience it will all be revealed to you.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I was told once by someone that if you still harbored feelings of anger or jealousy when you saw your ex bofriend with a new girl, that you werent really over him. Also if you kept thinking bad thoughts about him too.
Well my question is regarding my mother actually. She and my father divorced over 15 years ago and she STILL bad mouths him. She is always asking me about his girlfriend and tells me what a jerk he was to her. I found this a little strange because she is remarried to another man. Is it possilble that after all this time she still may have feelings for my father?
Also, HE (my father) does the same thing about my mom, by badmouthing her and saying that her marriage isnt going to last. He also recently admitted that he wished they had never gotten divorced.
Yes, of course they are still in love. I don't think a person can EVER stop loving someone. What I think has happened is that they (at some point in their relationship) got into that first huge argument and said something to the other they really didn't mean, but they were really mad and wanted the other to BE really hurt. They each probably feel violated emotionally by the other at this point. In each and every argument they have they both are,(unknowingly), hoping that the other will apologize to the point that this first real (root) pain will abolished. They expect the other to ease their emotional pain. What they both are doing is having expectations of some outside force to ease their pain. A fairy tale, this will never happen. You see, we are, each and every one of us, responsible for what goes on within ourselves. This includes our emotional state (how we feel about things). No one makes you feel anything. You and everyone including me are letting our emotions be in control instead of taking control of our own emotions. Other people do not MAKE us feel anything. We allow our emotions to run amuck within us. Our clumsiness in our use of our emotions is apparent. We forget that we are in charge of this vessel that we have been given, therefore, we are also in charge of our own emotions. Our biggest problem is we have not been given THAT emotional manual and our emotions have us so clouded we aren't accepting our responsibities within an emotional exchange. Once we are able to do this, we are one step closer to controlling our emotions. Your parent's arguments since that first root argument has been to try to get the other to recognize their pain point within the argument. They each want validation from the other and they each want released from the pain they've been holding onto. Arguments since that point have emotional ties to this first root argument. Their pain is so deep seated that an exercise of putting them together and they each acknowledge to the other the pains they purposefully set out to inflict on the other could be one step down the road to release (something I doubt they will do). There are many ways to achieve the same end. You have to look for more subtle ways. Another problem here is that they have both moved on and have other partners now. They could still do this type of emotional healing for the sake of all their emotional relationships. This would certainly help them move off of their anger and moving down the road to becoming healed. Their parenting skills would improve and they wouldn't be slinging mud anymore. What must not be forgotten is they have new partners now, so, they have to consider these people before they can do anything other than being good parents to you and getting along for the betterment of your emotional health. Something I have learned about our emotions is that our emotional health is all tied up into how our parents deal with emotions. We basically become them in an emotional sense because we have never seen anything else. We don't know what the other options are in the emotional manual. Start noticing the different ways people CHOOSE to handle their emotions. Notice how we do handle them to some degree. There are always situations such as places like the grocery store where we are not allowed to be out of control when it comes to being angry about something. We are angry, but we don't make a huge display, yelling, screaming, and pounding our fists in public. IF we can control ourselves in the public sense we have the capacity to control our emotions in a deeper and more profound level. We have just been lead to believe that it is someone outside of ourselves who is in control of our emotions. Thatâ??s why we say things like, "I wouldnâ't have done that except he made me so angry". I have a great website you can go to. You will find out more information on this line of thought. It is listed at the bottom of this reply. The book on this site is "Why is this happening to me...again". This is an excellent book, which delves into greater detail on this process. It would be a great Christmas gift to those family members you wish to help. What a better gift than to give them the gift of self control which leads to calmer and happier people in your life. There could still be problems from some people though. They will acknowledge the truth here but don't want to do anything about it because they are addicted to the endorphins these intense emotions bring up. Emotions are addicting. People have to go through this stage in order to come to acknowledgement. Some people never move past this because the path is difficult. You have to be patient yourself with people.
This is such a deep subject. I could keep going for days. I hope this has helped you in some way and if I could help you further with this feel free to write.
http://www.whyagain.com/
Namaste,
LULABELLE
OK well here it goes. My friend Marissa is my bestfriend but shes been really EXTREAMLY getting on my nervs latly. Shes making me think of her as a skank that leads guys on. Everytime i meet a new guy and talk to him after a while she ends up finding him too, which i dont mind at all dont get me wrong, but then they start talking more and more cause she talks "dirty" to them. She says shes only kidding when i confront her about it and she THINKS they know that but OBVIOUSLY the guys do NOT know she is. Ive asked my guy friends and they think shes serious. So that makes them better friends with her then me now and like her more! And it really pisses me off cause they all end up liking her more. Im with her all the time so its kinda hard to have them avoid her and i dont want them too cause im not like ganna keep her from sharing my friends too..I mean i want her to have my friends too! But the thing that really gets me is if they like me and then she talks to them then they like her more cause she talks "dirty" to them and says she loves them and things like that. I know im jealous ill admit it but it pisses me off when they end up liking her more. Im not like that im not ganna go talk dirty shit to all my guy friends. Like i said she says shes kidding but they dont get that!! Everything she does they like better. GOD! It even makes me mad just talking about it! I know i dont sound like a good friend but wtf its annoying! Theres one guy that flirts more with me then with her and guess what she doesnt like him. Like i had a birthday party a month ago and she wanted me to invite all the guys that like her more then me but are still good friends with me but NOT the one that pays attention to me!! I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL I SHOULD DO! Could someone PLEASE tell me how i can like get this to stop bugging me or what i should do? Im ganna go crazy one of these days!! THANKS SO MUCH! Sorry this is so long and ill rate 5's cause its so long and i sound like a maniac. LOL!
She doesn't sound like she is being a very good friend to you. I would limit the amount of time I spend with her (I'll explain what I mean fully later). It appears as though she is not being truthful with you and she is being truthful with the guys. Why else would she do it? She has to enjoy it in some way or she wouldn't do it. It doesn't matter if it is just teasing. She's doing it because she is enjoying it. That's why all of the guys like her and you are feeling very uncomfortable. She appears to be having fun talking dirty with the guys. She's not being completely truthful with you about this and you can sense it. The biggest problem I see here is you are not listening to your inner self. We are all guilty of doing this. My perception could be clearer in this situation because I have no emotional attachment and you don't want to see because OF your emotional attachment. This is what is causing that aggravated state you are feeling. Just open yourself up to your inner wisdom and listen. (Your wisdom is your true best friend and you aren't listening to her.) That's where the anxious feelings are coming from. Your fighting with your wisdom. You don't want to believe what others are saying about your friend because you don't WANT to believe. Now my senerio may not have right on accuracy, but there is something going on here that is not right. Clear your mind. Take some time to be with other friends or spend some time with yourself. I'm not saying you should cut all ties with your friend. I'm saying that in order for you to be able to maintain a relationship with her you should consider limiting your time with her for now. Develop some new friends that you can also do things with. Keep these new friends seperate from her for a while. Talk this situation through with someone else and see what their opinion is. Talking to others helps me to think things through. The fact that you are asking this question lets me know that you are seriously questioning your belief about what is going on. Relax and spend some time with that guy that DOES like you. Then, do something with your friend and really notice how she is acting as well as what she is saying. Something I learned a long time ago. Do not base your opinion about someone solely on what they tell you. How a person behaves is the sum of who they are not who they say they are. Start noticing how some people say one thing and then turn around and do that which they said they wouldn't do. People are constantly selling themselves to us as we are to them. We tell each other what we think the other wants to hear. Then we go about doing whatever it is we want to do. This is not an example of being true to yourself. This is not honorable behavior. But, this is the society we are living in today. The world would be a better place if people could be themselves at all times. But this brings up "ACCEPTING" issues and that is in and of itself a lengthy topic. The point here being the more true to yourself you are, the less likely you will have the need to sell some alternate "ideal" self to others. Your friend sounds like she is trying to be all things to all people. She may insecurity issues, who kows. It appears she wants to be liked by everyone and she's doing what she thinks everyone likes. Or it could be as simple as she enjoys toying with people. Only she knows. Whatever her reasons are she is not playing honest. You need to take some time off from her because you are eventually going to get into some argument that will not appear to be related to this situation you are writing about now, but this will be an underlying nagging cause. And I don't think it will be a pleasant experience if you were to confront her with this right now. She will most likely take a defensive stance and accuse you of being jealous and this will confuse the issue. She will think your side is tanted and start building up a bettalion of compadres with her view of the situation and you will start feeling like you were wrong (maybe you are...but most likely your not). It could be more public. You will lose sight of where the root cause of aggrivation comes from. To preserve your friendship I suggest that you take some time away from her. Collect your thoughts and connect with what that inner voice is trying to tell you. Still get together with her, but less often. She may even eventually ask you why you aren't spending as much time with her anymore. It will still probably be a bit confrontational, but she will be more open to your side of things when she comes to you and asks you what is wrong. She will be more open to seeing your side of things when it is she who is asking you if there is a problem. If this day does come it would work best if you were to approach it calmly. Explain it as if you saw how much fun it was for her but you didn't enjoy being around it. You didn't want to interfere with her fun so you starting taking some time away for yourself. She can't really argue with that. You are not telling her not to do what she wants to do. Your just saying you won't be around her when she wants to play certain games. Your letting her know in a less confrontational way that you don't enjoy those games, but you aren't trying to tell her what to do or calling her names either.
Now the jealously issue. It could be that you are jealous because it is really bugging you that your friend is using tricks to get the guys to like her more. She has one upped you so to speak. She's gone someplace she knows you won't go. Not to worry. The guys are just having fun with her right now. Yea, they think they like her, but it won't last forever. In time she will wear off. This gimmick will become boring to most of them and they will be off to other pastures. Stay true to yourself and the guys will see how rare and precious you are. You will have plenty of guys vying for your attention and these are the guys you want in your life anyway. Do you really want to hang with guys that fall for such obvious manipulations? Good luck.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I know that 13-year-olds are too young to fall in love. But does that mean you can't say "I love you" to your boyfriend?
There are different levels for love. Only in English is there only one word to discribe this diverse feeling. As you go through life you will experience a multitude of these levels of love. Enjoy and express them all. You love your best friend, your mother, your father, brothers or sisters. It is always ok to tell someone that you love them as long as you and the recepient of your affections understand the true extent of the love that you feel for them. The only reason I would suggest that you be careful is that you never want to mis-represent your feelings or have someone mis-understand them. So, whenever expressing yourself be sure that you are clear. You never want anyone to misunderstand because there could be a lot of heart ache. Just relax about it. Go with your instincts. You know when it is ok to say "I love you" to someone or not. Listen to your inner guide/voice and enjoy the love that is all around you.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
My mother has been unemployed since... 2000 I'll guess. She has been trying to start a real estate company. Every night I hear her crying and when I ask her what's wrong, she says that she's not a good mother and she's sorry she can't provide for this family. Some guy ripped her off illegally and lawyers keep ignoring her about it, so she doesn't think she's going to get the money back, and it was a lot of money. She says we probably won't have enough money to live on. She's my mom and I love her and I need a way to help her. I can't get a job because I'm too young. My father is a lawyer but they have had a rocky relationship ever since the divorce and I highly doubt he will help her for free. We have nowhere to turn.
You don't have to be a lawyer to file suite. She can go to the courthouse and file a law suite against this guy who swindled her money out from under her all on her own. Also, in every major city there are services where you can get free legal advice. It is usually a law student that you will be seeing, but they look up all of the laws for you so you know what you can site in the complaint. A little footnote on lawyers, attorney's, esquires.... these guys don't do anything unless they can see a quick buck. If it's not fast and easy they aren't going to do it. So, it doesn't mean your mother doesn't have a case, it just means it may be a difficult one to prove which is why no one will take the case.
Your mother is probably suffering from clinical depression right now. This is something that comes upon people under times of stress and the fact that she is crying everynight is a clue that this may be what is going on. Your mother may not be making the best decisions right now. It's not because she isn't smart enough, it's because she is letting her emotions control what she does. She's not listening to her instincts. She's a bit lost since the divorce. In her mind there was security in a marrage. She's floundering because she is struggling to make it big because she doesn't want you to loose your standard of living because of her. She needs to start out slow. Take baby steps. Make each move a calculated risk. I'll bet if she thought about it the deal with that guy didn't feel right, but she went against her instincts. But, first things first, you need to get her out of her mental slump. Talk to a grandparent. There are usually free support groups for all kinds of problems. Check around in your area. You need to get her emotionally stable first before you can get anything done. This will be hard. I have included a few online support groups for her to choose from. It will be extremely hard to get her to do this. While people are suffering from depression they usually don't do what is best for them. It is also very hard to convince them to try anything. I do believe that her first step out of this is to get back to mental clarity. This can be done. You're a great son/daughter. Reaching out is your first step. Good luck. If there is anything further I can do to help feel free to contact me.
http://www.webmd.com/diseases_and_conditions/depression.htm?src=overture&placement=depression
http://depression.about.com/cs/chat/a/onlinesupport.htm
http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/resources/index.php?uniqueid=32&
http://www.crazymeds.org/supportDepression.htm
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I have a terrible sore throat right now. I checked and there are no more white lumps on my tonsils, but the pain is unbearable. Is there anything I can do about it besides cough drops???
It sounds like you have strep throat. Penicillin is what works best for this and in order to get it you have to go the doctor. Start taking lots of vitamin C every two hours throughout the day. This will help to combat your sore throat. There is a throat lozenge that will help with the pain. It is called Cebrocal (the spelling is incorrect I'm sure) but, it is pronounced "seabra(like you wear a bra)call". If you go into any pharmacy and pronounce it this way they will know what you are talking about. It will relieve the pain of your soar throat. You can get it in a spray bottle as well. I like the lozenges best because it is more convenient. Good luck!
Namaste!
Pamela
im about 5'1 and i weigh around 130 or more...
this isnt very proportional, but whats the best way to loose weight, fast, but without much time on your hands?
You can't loose weight healthily if you do it fast. But, I do have some suggestions that will be healthy and faster than normal. Start eating more fresh raw foods like apples, bananas, strawberries, veggies, etc., as snacks in between meals. Eat as much as you want of raw veggies and fruits throughout the day. Then, when you sit down for a prepared meal only eat until you are full and no more. So you don't feel like you are wasteful put what you don't want away for later. Don't eat any fast foods at all. Stop eating anything that has processed sugar in it like sodas, candy, etc. Limit your bread intake to two slices a day. There is a product that I think will help because it is a natural product. The website link is below. This product will help burn fat while you are sleeping. I have actually lost 8 lbs in one week with while taking this product. It is the Liquid Health Night diet. It contains more amino-rich Collagen Hydrolysate than any other weight loss supplement on the market. Collagen promotes a reduction in fat and a loss of inches while you sleep. Tyrosine and Kelp aid in proper Thyroid function, and provide vital trace minerals for optimum health. I hope this will help.
http://www.betterlife.com/prod_home_page.asp?prod_id=15143
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I have all these little red bumps on the sides of my face, back and chest..has anybody had this, and if so..what is it?
This could be an allergic reaction to something. You need to look at what you are doing differently, for example, are you using a new laundry detergent? What about a new perfume or shampoo? If you are allergic to one of these or many other substances you can experience this type of reaction. Start eliminating newly added things. New clothing, wash them. New laundry detergent, go back to your old one for a while. New perfume-put it aside for a couple of weeks. It could take up to a month for this to go away if this is the cause of these bumps. If you are a guy (you didn't specify gender) have you started shaving recently? If so these bumps could be a result of shaving. You need to start exfoliating your skin first before shaving. This means using a good facial scrub first before shaving. This helps the release the ingrown hairs which are the cause of the problem. You also want to invest in a good shaving cream. Simply start being observant. See if this isn't a reaction to something new and this could include foods. People are allergic to all kinds of things, it could be something hardly noticeable. That's why you have to become real observant about everything you do. Good luck.
Namaste,
LULABELLE