|
confused
I'm friends with a married couple. We've been friends for about 3 years. I am single but a christian who is saving herself for marriage. Well recently I had ran into the husband of this married couple and he told me that he struggles with pornography. I was pretty shocked and thought that it should be something he should be telling his wife before me. He also told me what bad taste his wife had and that he wished he were single.
Other people who are friends with him have told me that he is always yelling at his wife and saying she's "a stupid woman" behind her back. I have another female friend who's told me that he's come on to other woman and even asked someone to bed. She refused because she knew he was married. I've also heard he's really wild with some of his friends and frequents the porn shops, gets stoned AND drunk then roars around on his motorbike.
I'm pretty disgusted with him, and really don't want to be his friend anymore. But the problem is what is his wife going to think? What should I tell her when she asks why I don't want to do things with them anymore? When I first met him he said he was a born again christian and that he hated porn and drugs. What a lyer.
from confused
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
let he without sin cast the first stone. sorry but all fall short of the glory of god. the gossipping and the judgeing of him is just as bad as any sin he may be committing in which you disagree. he is a child of god also and he has probaly been backslidden. pray about this issue dont ask friends and gossip because god will judge u the same way you judge your friends husband sorry but that came to me really quick god bless
]
Sounds like you're not the only one who's confused.
Does his wife know about any of this? Because she needs to. And he needs to be the one to tell her this. Right before he commits to turning things completely around. Shame on him. His behavior is gross and if he ever told the truth then he realizes this.
If he won't tell her, and soon, she's in a potentially dangerous situation. Not only from potential physical/sexual harm from his activities with other women and anything that may bring into the marriage (which is where he's headed if he gets what he's apparently already been explicitly seeking out), but also from emotional and psychological abuse she's already diving straight into, though she may not realize it because he's either been a) lying to her about this and it's going to hit her like a freight train when she finds out, or b) he's been telling her the truth about it and she's under some delusion that things aren't as bad as they really are.
If he doesn't tell her: you must. And I wouldn't wait much longer. You may have some luck in contacting someone on staff at your church. Seek their guidance, and be the family that this woman needs. As believers we are called on to be family to those who have none, and she obviously has no family in this man.
******
*sigh* Ever feel an unquenchable urge to speak out?
"let he without sin cast the first stone. sorry but all fall short of the glory of god. the gossipping and the judgeing of him is just as bad as any sin he may be committing in which you disagree. he is a child of god also and he has probaly been backslidden. pray about this issue dont ask friends and gossip because god will judge u the same way you judge your friends husband sorry but that came to me really quick god bless" is a crock.
"probably been backslidden"? What does that even mean? If he ever was a Christian (I mean, who are we to say, right? Only God and he really know) then OBVIOUSLY he has "backslidden"! And if he was never a Christian, then let him live and be judged by the law of the world he lives for, which is a heck of a lot harsher and bleak law than judgment that lands the righteous in eternal glory, eh?
John 8:7 deals with UNJUST JUDGMENT, not with seeking educated discernment or speaking the truth or aiding a friend! If that verse had anything to do with--- *sigh* That is just really such a crock. The Bible tells us time and again about ways to live and about how to deal with Christians who are living in disobedience of God's will. Whether it's disciplining a disobedient child, or bringing a disobedient adult before the church body for counsel and asking them to leave if they continue in their disobedience: the Bible provides protocol for dealing with situations in which our brothers and sisters are falling and in need of loving, compassionate aid.
It also provides protocol for dealing with fallen brothers and sisters who do not want help and who are intent on harming other members of the "family." If our own inherent sinfulness kept us from being allowed to provide counsel, or from being able to make fellow believers aware of their actions that are outside of God's plan (which we are DIRECTED to do by explicit mandate after explicit mandate: we are commanded to bring sinful misdeeds to the light in a loving and appropriate way), then we'd have no pastors, no form of Christian parenting, no missionaries. Heck: we'd have to toss out all the apostles! Anybody that tells you that ^^taking heartfelt and legitimate issue with someone's harmful behavior and unChristian attitude under the title of "Christian" is just as bad as engaging in those same behaviors^^ is... well doesn't it kind of seem like that's the same kind of judgment they're railing *against*?
Seeking Godly wisdom isn't gossiping. It isn't judging. I mean, no of course you shouldn't shout his misdeeds from the rooftops bringing shame to his wife and making it more difficult for him to return to the Father. No way! But sharing details with total strangers (who have no idea who this man is) in an attempt to get advice is hardly gossiping. Gossip brings self-righteous glory to a prideful teller. How can you receive glory if we don't know who you are? How can we provide counsel if we don't know the situation? And how does admitting pain help you?! In fact, I'd kinda lean more towards the idea that failing to seek wisdom and guidance when you feel the Spirit leading you to do so can be a pretty damaging thing itself when you know you something must be done but you don't know what that something is.
We're not created with infinite wisdom and discernment. We're supposed to study God's word to have answers for the questions people ask us in questions of faith. Part of studying is researching the ideas of others whose judgment you can trust since it is not within any of us of our own human inclination to be able to know and study and learn all things. ie. Bible commentaries, Bible classes, Sunday school, house church, traditional church, Bible colleges, etc. Are those houses of gossip? By no means.
If "god will judge u the same way you judge your friends husband," then count yourself lucky! 'Cause God's judgment is fair and just- and who doesn't want that? With an earnest, hurting, seeking, and attentive heart you're trying to do the right thing, to do what's best in whatever manner is most appropriate, helpful and fair to all parties involved.
I hope you're finding the answers you need from someone in your life whose guidance you can trust and whose intentions and motives come from a pure source and a heart that loves the Lord. I hope you are able to find some peace amidst the chaos and heart ache of watching a friend suffer, and that that peace can be shared with her in some way. And I hope you look to the Scriptures for answers instead of letting a bunch of yahoos like us have TOO much influence ;)
hee hee hee...
]
i say you tell the wife what is up, shes bound to find out sooner or later, and the longer she is with him the more attached she is going to get. nip it in the bud and youll save everyone alot of trouble. its gonna be hard of course, but it will only get harder as time goes on
]
Tell his wife what is going on. If she does not believe you, gather a few people who have said those things to you. It is a horrible thing for a husband to be cheating on his wife, and I think that he is begining to do this. His wife deserves to know. So one day sit down with them and ask him to tell her the truth, if someone doesn't do this she will suspect something is going on between you and her husband. Then it will become a bigger problem.
<3 Hope I helped. Good luck.
]
You guys really only have one of two choices:
1. Talk to them both about it. Let her know, then have them both together to try and stop his behavior. Who knows, maybe he'll adhere to his born again beliefs if this happens.
2. Them separate. He obviously doesn't like the saintly Christian lifestyle, so maybe he should steer away from it. He should go find a woman whos into the porn shops and getting intoxicated, so they'll be happy and never fight about it.
]
Cutting off all ties is a perfict solution. What to tell the wife? Nothing. You can't tell her unless you are willing to be the bad guy and be written off anyway. She may not be willing to see her husband for who he is yet. She loves him. She may still be seeing the fantasy man she feel in love with. She sees what she perceives as his good side and she may even believe she inspired his goodness which is gurggling up from the dregs. Don't worry about her. She made her bed. To be polite simply be busy and eventually she won't call anymore. Stick to your convictions. If you see him in public again you CAN say anything you want to him. You can let him know how you feel. Chances are after that you won't be receiving any phone calls from the wife.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
]
Its very understanding that you dont want to be friends with him anymore, however as a loyal friend to his wife you should at least let her know what is going on. The truth will hurt her but in the long run it would hurt worse is she knew that all this time you knew and did not tell her. Think of the easiest way to tell her and then take things from there.
]
More Questions: |