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HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Okay well i went to my church and my boyfriend(Tom) wasnt hanging out w/ me but he was hanging out w/ everyone but me(including his new g/f). he said that i was ignoring him and that he wanted to go out w/ Sally(who he just met not even 3 days ago), so i broke up w/ him. and 1 day later he ended up asking Sally out. Sally said yes. now they are going out....i really did like him...like soooo much.....but then at church Tom and Sally were hugging and holding hands and crap rite in front of me ( proably just to get me jealous). now we all hate eachother but i still kinda like him...but i hate Sally.....What should i do????
*Names changed for safety
-confused
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
get ova him there plenty fish in the sea!
and stay aways from *sally
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It appears your X boyfriend manipulated you into breaking up with him. He turned your argument around on you. You were questioning HIM about why HE was with everyone except you in church. He then turns that around on YOU and accuses you of avoiding him? This is where you say something like...no, no, no; you are not turning this around on me. What's really going on here? (Or something like that). Anyway, he's used your legitimate argument for a way to justify his own end. He is probably now telling this other girl what a witch you are. To be honest with you...he doesn't sound like a very nice person in the first place. You are very lucky you aren't in a relationship with someone who would treat anyone the way he treated you. You didn't do anything but question him about why he didn't spend any time with you. That is no crime. Did the two of you argue a lot? If you did, I'd take a good look at these arguments because I bet there were a few that you don't even understand to this day how it got started, but you know how you felt when it was over. Don't be pulled into their hate. There is no reason (based on the info you've given) for them to hate you. Let's say you said a few things that weren't nice at the very end. You were hurt. That should be considered in the equation here. I don't support saying mean things, but when it is done under stress it is understandable. He was the one flitting around the room and ignoring YOU. Whatever else happened in your relationship with him, whoever was right or wrong on something, this was not a nice way to handle a breakup. And that girl he’s now friending? She can't be too smart. However he has treated you is probably how she will also be treated. A person with good character would have talked to you before church or spent time with you in church and explained his feelings afterwards. He's not worth your effort. What I suggest you do is forget about him. Move on. How do you do that? Good question. I realize that you still have feelings for him. Start befriending other people at church and elsewhere. Pretend they don't exist (your x and this other girl). Ignore them. They are being petty and cruel; they are not worthy of your precious time. At first making new relationships may feel hollow to you, but keep at it. Eventually this painful feeling will subside and be replaced with happiness and joy again. There is someone out there who will respect the beautiful person you are and treat you with kindness. That's whom you want in your life. Good luck!
Namaste!
Pamela
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It's not worth being stuck on him because he seems to just want to make you jelous. You shouldn't wait on a creep like that. People might say just talk to him, but don't. There really isn't anything you guys could talk about. Maybe in a couple of weeks you guys could be friends but just move on. Trust me. You'll find a better guy. Just flirt, & meet new people & it will take your mind off him.
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Well, for one thing it sounds like this whole mess might have started out as a misunderstanding. You thought your boyfriend was ignoring you at church and he thought you were ignoring him. Unfortunately, it sounds as though you guys never really discussed these feelings of neglect the day it happened. Or at least you two didn't discuss it in a way that could have resolved some hurt feelings. However, from what you wrote, it sort of sounds to me like your boyfriend might have been using the excuse that you were ignoring him so that he could ask out "Sally." Thus, he very conveniently tried to make you take the blame for his interest in "Sally." I'd say that you had nothing whatsoever to do with him and "Sally" getting together. If he was interested in her, then he was just interested in her...period. However, I think he'd like you to think that you "pushed" them together. And my feelings are that he is taking a cheap way out of a relationship that sounds as though he wanted to end anyway. I'm sure that hurts, but the guy doesn't sound as though he has the backbone to just tell you (or probably anyone else) that he needs to end a relationship/situation without trying to make the other person feel responsible. That's pretty jerky, if you ask me. Of course you did the right thing by breaking up with him when he told you he was interested in "Sally." The fact that he asked her out one day later only emphasizes to me that he'd planned on doing this anyway. Don't you think?
The fact that your ex and "Sally" were "hugging and holding hands and crap" in front of you could mean that they're so overly involved in themselves that they are simply not thinking about how it must look or feel to you. Certainly that is very insensitive and not thoughtful of you at all. If they were trying to make you jealous, then they strike me as people with whom I wouldn't want to associate at all! It is completely childish, immature, and NOT nice to try to cause another person hurt and/or to have feelings of jealousy. Whatever the case, I'd say let them be with each other. Sounds like they deserve one another if they're both that insensitive. Of course, do realize that I understand why that's so much easier said than done, especially if you really had a thing for this guy. But if you can, try as hard as you can to look at your ex for who is seems to really be - how he's acting RIGHT NOW. Ask yourself why you would want to have him as your boyfriend if he is this insensitive, rude and immature. You would have found this out eventually and it would hurt whenever you did find out, but in reality it's always better to find out sooner rather than later.
You say that you all "hate" each other now, but that you really "hate 'Sally.'" This is not unusual - to hate the "other" person more. However, keep in mind that it was your boyfriend who asked this girl out and since you'd already broken up with him, she simply said, "Yes." I don't know if she pursued your boyfriend or not, but he was the one who truned his back on you. Try to keep that in mind. Too many people want to only blame the other person because it's easier than blaming the one we "love," or think we loved. We have a hard time thinking that our boyfriend/girlfriend has turned against us. So, it's easier to hate the other person. Do you know what I'm trying to say?
Hate is such a strong word...and feeling. It can eat you up inside. As much as you hurt, try not to hold onto the "hate" that you're harboring now. Yep, that's hard to do, but you have the power and control to do it. Actually, only you have the control to do it. Try more to focus on the fact that these two people are sad. "Sad?!" you cry. Yes, sad. If they have to act this way to feel better about what they've done, then they are indeed sad people who can't be mature and handle relationships very well. At least that's how I see it. They seem to be very self-centered and that is all too common, especially when people are younger. It's as though no one else exists but THEM! So, you can feel sorry for the fact that they are the kind of people who are so self-centered that they don't care much about other people's feelings and that's got to show to all those around them; or, you can hate them for "making" you feel the way you do. That hate is not going to change them. Feeling sorry for them won't either, but it will certainly change YOU. It will make you the better person and will help you stay focused on what kind of boyfriend and friends you want in your life.
I don't think there is anything you can do. And ask yourself if there truly is anything you WANT to do to get this jerky guy back. I know that I can't take the hurt away from you, and I'm sorry that you ARE hurting so much. Anyone would be. As tough as it may be, when you're in their presence, hold your head up high, don't give them the satisfaction of seeing your hurt (or jealousy), keep busy with your other friends, and don't watch them play their little games. Ignore him and "Sally." I don't think either of these people are worth the energy it takes to hate them. Put your energy into your other friends and eventually another guy who deserves you will come along. Believe me, he will. And yes, you'll probably experience hurt sometime again in your life. That's a part of our life processes. Learning how to deal with that hurt and seeing things for what they truly are, is what will help you grow into a stronger, more mature, and happier person.
I wish you all the best with this situation. Please know that I am not disregarding your hurt, but I seriously think you're probably better off without this guy. Good luck and keep your chin held high. Keep telling yourself that you're strong and can be more mature than these two. I know you'll be okay!
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Well i now you don`t want to let it go.. But thats really what you go to do.. Don`t hold on to somebody who doesn`t want you in return.. Yea it might be a while til you get over this guy but eventually you will.. try finding somebody else you like and move on with life.. ♥ Dez
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well... most people would say talk to him...but that is the WRONG thing to do...if it were me in your shoes i would move on and find someone else that you have liked in the past...im shour that there is someone for you...besides guys are dumb like that when someone breaks up with them...the throw it in there face! BAD IDEA! if that doesnt work...then become friends w/ sally... if you become really tight w/ her then most likely she will find out things about him that she didnt know from you. and in the end he will have no one.
kiely
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