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how do you know when your "over " someone?
I was told once by someone that if you still harbored feelings of anger or jealousy when you saw your ex bofriend with a new girl, that you werent really over him. Also if you kept thinking bad thoughts about him too.
Well my question is regarding my mother actually. She and my father divorced over 15 years ago and she STILL bad mouths him. She is always asking me about his girlfriend and tells me what a jerk he was to her. I found this a little strange because she is remarried to another man. Is it possilble that after all this time she still may have feelings for my father?
Also, HE (my father) does the same thing about my mom, by badmouthing her and saying that her marriage isnt going to last. He also recently admitted that he wished they had never gotten divorced.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
thats is a promlem your mom should not be talking good and bad about your father. try chaning the subject or help her cook dinner.
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Yes, of course they are still in love. I don't think a person can EVER stop loving someone. What I think has happened is that they (at some point in their relationship) got into that first huge argument and said something to the other they really didn't mean, but they were really mad and wanted the other to BE really hurt. They each probably feel violated emotionally by the other at this point. In each and every argument they have they both are,(unknowingly), hoping that the other will apologize to the point that this first real (root) pain will abolished. They expect the other to ease their emotional pain. What they both are doing is having expectations of some outside force to ease their pain. A fairy tale, this will never happen. You see, we are, each and every one of us, responsible for what goes on within ourselves. This includes our emotional state (how we feel about things). No one makes you feel anything. You and everyone including me are letting our emotions be in control instead of taking control of our own emotions. Other people do not MAKE us feel anything. We allow our emotions to run amuck within us. Our clumsiness in our use of our emotions is apparent. We forget that we are in charge of this vessel that we have been given, therefore, we are also in charge of our own emotions. Our biggest problem is we have not been given THAT emotional manual and our emotions have us so clouded we aren't accepting our responsibities within an emotional exchange. Once we are able to do this, we are one step closer to controlling our emotions. Your parent's arguments since that first root argument has been to try to get the other to recognize their pain point within the argument. They each want validation from the other and they each want released from the pain they've been holding onto. Arguments since that point have emotional ties to this first root argument. Their pain is so deep seated that an exercise of putting them together and they each acknowledge to the other the pains they purposefully set out to inflict on the other could be one step down the road to release (something I doubt they will do). There are many ways to achieve the same end. You have to look for more subtle ways. Another problem here is that they have both moved on and have other partners now. They could still do this type of emotional healing for the sake of all their emotional relationships. This would certainly help them move off of their anger and moving down the road to becoming healed. Their parenting skills would improve and they wouldn't be slinging mud anymore. What must not be forgotten is they have new partners now, so, they have to consider these people before they can do anything other than being good parents to you and getting along for the betterment of your emotional health. Something I have learned about our emotions is that our emotional health is all tied up into how our parents deal with emotions. We basically become them in an emotional sense because we have never seen anything else. We don't know what the other options are in the emotional manual. Start noticing the different ways people CHOOSE to handle their emotions. Notice how we do handle them to some degree. There are always situations such as places like the grocery store where we are not allowed to be out of control when it comes to being angry about something. We are angry, but we don't make a huge display, yelling, screaming, and pounding our fists in public. IF we can control ourselves in the public sense we have the capacity to control our emotions in a deeper and more profound level. We have just been lead to believe that it is someone outside of ourselves who is in control of our emotions. Thatâ??s why we say things like, "I wouldnâ't have done that except he made me so angry". I have a great website you can go to. You will find out more information on this line of thought. It is listed at the bottom of this reply. The book on this site is "Why is this happening to me...again". This is an excellent book, which delves into greater detail on this process. It would be a great Christmas gift to those family members you wish to help. What a better gift than to give them the gift of self control which leads to calmer and happier people in your life. There could still be problems from some people though. They will acknowledge the truth here but don't want to do anything about it because they are addicted to the endorphins these intense emotions bring up. Emotions are addicting. People have to go through this stage in order to come to acknowledgement. Some people never move past this because the path is difficult. You have to be patient yourself with people.
This is such a deep subject. I could keep going for days. I hope this has helped you in some way and if I could help you further with this feel free to write.
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Namaste,
LULABELLE
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Well, i think that they have still feelings for each other. When we get over someone we just don't care and stop telling something about the other and continue our life without even caring what is going on to the other's life. And i think that your parents still like each other. What do you want? Do you want them together? If yes, do this: Arrange a dinner with the 2 families. Your mother and your father will meet each other again and maybe something happens. And something else. Find the way to ask them how initially their wedding ceremony was and afterwards their life as a married couple. Remembering something good helps. I think that it will help. Good luck!
P.S. If they don't want to come tell them that it is important to you and that if they relly love you they will do it...
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maybe they stiil do love each other or still have feelings for each other. Maybe you should sit and talk with both parent separately and ask if they still havefeelings for each other and if they dont then ask them to stop bad mouthing each other because it looks like they still like each other. When two people are over each other thry dont care about their new life with someone else or bad mouth them, they will maybe ask if they are ok and everything. So maybe they still love each other but from my advice its for you to decide.
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