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humorist-workshop
Good friend, Annoying personality
OK well here it goes. My friend Marissa is my bestfriend but shes been really EXTREAMLY getting on my nervs latly. Shes making me think of her as a skank that leads guys on. Everytime i meet a new guy and talk to him after a while she ends up finding him too, which i dont mind at all dont get me wrong, but then they start talking more and more cause she talks "dirty" to them. She says shes only kidding when i confront her about it and she THINKS they know that but OBVIOUSLY the guys do NOT know she is. Ive asked my guy friends and they think shes serious. So that makes them better friends with her then me now and like her more! And it really pisses me off cause they all end up liking her more. Im with her all the time so its kinda hard to have them avoid her and i dont want them too cause im not like ganna keep her from sharing my friends too..I mean i want her to have my friends too! But the thing that really gets me is if they like me and then she talks to them then they like her more cause she talks "dirty" to them and says she loves them and things like that. I know im jealous ill admit it but it pisses me off when they end up liking her more. Im not like that im not ganna go talk dirty shit to all my guy friends. Like i said she says shes kidding but they dont get that!! Everything she does they like better. GOD! It even makes me mad just talking about it! I know i dont sound like a good friend but wtf its annoying! Theres one guy that flirts more with me then with her and guess what she doesnt like him. Like i had a birthday party a month ago and she wanted me to invite all the guys that like her more then me but are still good friends with me but NOT the one that pays attention to me!! I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL I SHOULD DO! Could someone PLEASE tell me how i can like get this to stop bugging me or what i should do? Im ganna go crazy one of these days!! THANKS SO MUCH! Sorry this is so long and ill rate 5's cause its so long and i sound like a maniac. LOL!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
She doesn't sound like she is being a very good friend to you. I would limit the amount of time I spend with her (I'll explain what I mean fully later). It appears as though she is not being truthful with you and she is being truthful with the guys. Why else would she do it? She has to enjoy it in some way or she wouldn't do it. It doesn't matter if it is just teasing. She's doing it because she is enjoying it. That's why all of the guys like her and you are feeling very uncomfortable. She appears to be having fun talking dirty with the guys. She's not being completely truthful with you about this and you can sense it. The biggest problem I see here is you are not listening to your inner self. We are all guilty of doing this. My perception could be clearer in this situation because I have no emotional attachment and you don't want to see because OF your emotional attachment. This is what is causing that aggravated state you are feeling. Just open yourself up to your inner wisdom and listen. (Your wisdom is your true best friend and you aren't listening to her.) That's where the anxious feelings are coming from. Your fighting with your wisdom. You don't want to believe what others are saying about your friend because you don't WANT to believe. Now my senerio may not have right on accuracy, but there is something going on here that is not right. Clear your mind. Take some time to be with other friends or spend some time with yourself. I'm not saying you should cut all ties with your friend. I'm saying that in order for you to be able to maintain a relationship with her you should consider limiting your time with her for now. Develop some new friends that you can also do things with. Keep these new friends seperate from her for a while. Talk this situation through with someone else and see what their opinion is. Talking to others helps me to think things through. The fact that you are asking this question lets me know that you are seriously questioning your belief about what is going on. Relax and spend some time with that guy that DOES like you. Then, do something with your friend and really notice how she is acting as well as what she is saying. Something I learned a long time ago. Do not base your opinion about someone solely on what they tell you. How a person behaves is the sum of who they are not who they say they are. Start noticing how some people say one thing and then turn around and do that which they said they wouldn't do. People are constantly selling themselves to us as we are to them. We tell each other what we think the other wants to hear. Then we go about doing whatever it is we want to do. This is not an example of being true to yourself. This is not honorable behavior. But, this is the society we are living in today. The world would be a better place if people could be themselves at all times. But this brings up "ACCEPTING" issues and that is in and of itself a lengthy topic. The point here being the more true to yourself you are, the less likely you will have the need to sell some alternate "ideal" self to others. Your friend sounds like she is trying to be all things to all people. She may insecurity issues, who kows. It appears she wants to be liked by everyone and she's doing what she thinks everyone likes. Or it could be as simple as she enjoys toying with people. Only she knows. Whatever her reasons are she is not playing honest. You need to take some time off from her because you are eventually going to get into some argument that will not appear to be related to this situation you are writing about now, but this will be an underlying nagging cause. And I don't think it will be a pleasant experience if you were to confront her with this right now. She will most likely take a defensive stance and accuse you of being jealous and this will confuse the issue. She will think your side is tanted and start building up a bettalion of compadres with her view of the situation and you will start feeling like you were wrong (maybe you are...but most likely your not). It could be more public. You will lose sight of where the root cause of aggrivation comes from. To preserve your friendship I suggest that you take some time away from her. Collect your thoughts and connect with what that inner voice is trying to tell you. Still get together with her, but less often. She may even eventually ask you why you aren't spending as much time with her anymore. It will still probably be a bit confrontational, but she will be more open to your side of things when she comes to you and asks you what is wrong. She will be more open to seeing your side of things when it is she who is asking you if there is a problem. If this day does come it would work best if you were to approach it calmly. Explain it as if you saw how much fun it was for her but you didn't enjoy being around it. You didn't want to interfere with her fun so you starting taking some time away for yourself. She can't really argue with that. You are not telling her not to do what she wants to do. Your just saying you won't be around her when she wants to play certain games. Your letting her know in a less confrontational way that you don't enjoy those games, but you aren't trying to tell her what to do or calling her names either.
Now the jealously issue. It could be that you are jealous because it is really bugging you that your friend is using tricks to get the guys to like her more. She has one upped you so to speak. She's gone someplace she knows you won't go. Not to worry. The guys are just having fun with her right now. Yea, they think they like her, but it won't last forever. In time she will wear off. This gimmick will become boring to most of them and they will be off to other pastures. Stay true to yourself and the guys will see how rare and precious you are. You will have plenty of guys vying for your attention and these are the guys you want in your life anyway. Do you really want to hang with guys that fall for such obvious manipulations? Good luck.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
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I can really identify with you. My best friend, who is probably some years older than yours, used to display a modified version of the same behaviour. She would come up and talk to guys, naturally and without difficulty, while I stood by, tounge-tied and shy. Guess who always walked away with he guy? You got it! Thing is though, none of her relationships ever lasted. What I am trying to get at with this somewhat rambling parralel is that you can't feel jealous of your friend for being different from you. Neither of you would be happy in the other's position, for you are two entirely different people. Instead of jealousy, you should feel pity, because the kind of guy who prefers a girl on account of her freedom with the horny talk is not ultimately the kind of guy that a happy girl would want.
What's more, Marissa clearly understands this,if only on a semi-conscious level; I suspect that her disregard for the boy who prefers you could mask an interest in him, or at least an angry curiosity as to why he isn't into her. Be happy at the interest of this boy, and don't be discouraged by the others-believe me, unless Marissa wises up, you'll be certain to have the last laugh. I can only hope that, when you do, your friendship is strong enough to sustain her inevitable jealousy. Meanwhilr, start looking around for other friends.
Good Luck!
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You know, I had a friend like that in middle school. She ended up being the one that no one really wants to date, whereas they all paid attention to her back then and it was a miracle if a guy liked me over her. I know this means nothing now, but your time will come and your friend will just get pushed back in the shadows- especially when people start figuring out her head games, and they will. Invite who you want to your parties, try to worry about yourself and ignore what your friend is doing. The guys are stupid for falling for it and will learn their lessons sooner or later. Be yourself and be sincere and people will like you all the more for it when it really comes down to it.
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You need to sit down with your friend and discuss the things that bothers you from her behavior. Be honest and tell her how you feel. The important thing here is your friendship not guys. Guys come and go, but friends are the ones who are with you all times in good times and bad times. Just talk it out with her, you'll see how things change for the better.
Blu
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well i know how you feel you should talk to her tell her how you feel and tell you guy friends how you feel too and maybe it will be ok
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