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guy I thought was friend did something really mean
I have a question about a guy who I'm friends with. He had invited me and some other friends of his to celebrate his wifes birtday at a local restaurant.
Well I was the 3rd person to arrive and from the minute I sat down next to him and his wife he gave me attitude. He asked me a question and I thought he said "where's the gang", I aswered that they hadnt arrived yet. Then he YELLED at me and said "I SAID WHERES THE GIG"!
When everyone else had arrived (there was about 20 people) his wife started opening her gifts. When she opened my gift someone asked where the card was. I didnt get her a card, just a gift and he (her husband) snapped "there IS no card".
Well after this abusive behavior and no one defending me I went to the bathroom. When I walked out he came up to me. I told him I was leaving because I felt uncomfortable. He asked me if I would be going to another function with him and his wife the next day and I told him no I was going to my parents. Well then he did something that I thought was almost a little voilent. He stuck his face REALLY close to mine (like we could have almost kissed ) and said in a loud, mean, voice 'IM SO SORRY".
This really freaked me out. My question is why do you think he would treat me this way? And does that mean he might be a violent person? Also do I have a right to think he was being an asshole?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It isn't that you think he was being an asshole, it is just the facts.
Also, he's acting like the youngins on this site. You know, the kids between ages 11-13. Hmm...maybe he reads this site and reenacts these people and their personal problems.
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Certainly he's an asshole. He's one of those people who delights in belittling and humiliating others, for some reason barely understood except by a therapist. And, frankly you're not this man's therapist, so why should you care?
I understand, however, that it's perhaps not as simple as that; there must have been some reason why you were friends. If, however(as your letter suggests)you didn't know him that well, then just be thankful you're not his wife, and avoid him socially as much as possible. Tricky if you work together(in which case be cicvil but not at all warm) otherwise do not answer calls or emails and he'll get the message.
Good Luck!
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I'm sorry you had to go through this. I also feel sorry for his wife to be embarassed like this on her birthday. I think you have every right to think that he's an asshole. The thought inconsiderate jerk comes to mind as well. Is this guy normally like this?
As far as violence, it's always a possibility. At the very least, he was emotionally and verbally abusive to you. I would consider dropping him as a friend unless he apologizes. Maybe there's a good reason here somewhere. Was he drunk?
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You have every right to think he was an asshole. That kind of behavior is uncalled for. I am glad you left when you were uncomfortable and you denied his future request. It shows that you have backbone and that you won't put up with his shit.
As far as violence, it is incredibly hard to determine. I say there is possibility that he could be violent(was he drinking?). I think that he would preffer not to be violent, but if something pushes him far enough, he definatly has the potiental.
Violent or not, there is abuse going on there... mental. And you don't need to deal with that. The next time he tries to make you feel like crap, stand up for yourself(since your friends obviously seem intimidated by him as well, or they really aren't good friends either). The only way to make someone realize they are doing something wrong is by bringing it to their attention. Sure, it might make him mad at first, and he might not change, but trust me... it will eat away at him.
Tipsy Gypsy
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Well, asshole is one of the words that came to my mind first!
I don't care who he is, his behavior was totally uncalled for. Why one of your other friends didn't stand up for you is beyond understanding too.
I would suggest that you don't attend anything else he puts on until he apologies with a good excuse (if there could be one), for his behavior.
I don't know if the guy is violent or not but, I don't think I'd waste any more time being friends with him. He had opportunity to apologise when he knew you were uncomfortable.
Next time he sticks his face in yours...go ahead and poke his eyes out. :)
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