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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am 14 and I want to give my boyfriend a boner. I’ve sat on his lap, made out with him and everything and I have never seen a boner. Help!

While by the age of 14 your boyfriend should have started puberty it is possible he has not. He may be a late bloomer or his body is not producing enough testosterone the male sex hormone.

He might be quite sensitive to the fact that he is unable to get erect so talking to him may not be possible or you may not feel comfortable talking to him about this. If you can talk to him about this then please do because he should see his doctor and have some tests run to see if he has started into puberty and to find out why he is not producing enough testosterone.

I'm a 14 year old female. Sometimes randomly when I'm waking up or going to bed I'll start thinking depressing thoughts about my life and start sobbing. This happens often, and several times a day I'll start sobbing for no apparent reason or something small will trigger my tears. My mood goes from extremely happy and excited to extremely depressed very quickly throughout the day without any real triggers and it just makes me feel very empty inside.

I can't shake this feeling that nobody cares about me and that everybody hates me. I really wish I could tell somebody how I feel but the words just won't come out of my mouth. Often times I have trouble identifying the feelings with myself. I feel so far away and so distanced from all of my peers and my family. Even people I've known all my life and have always been there for me feel so far.

I don't know how to stop. Anybody know?

I'm not a doctor but I have suffered from clinical depression. what you write about yourself to me indicates you are suffering from some form of depression. The fact that you write about cycling is an indication of Manic Depression.

Depression of these types will not go away on there own and should not be ignored. If you can not verbally tell your parents then write them a note or write a trusted teacher or your school principal a note.

If you have a Police Resource Officer in your school you can write a not to him or her as well. Their purpose in the school is not just to keep order but to help those that need help.

You can also call 911 when felling depressed and ask for help. You do not need anyone's permission to call 911. It might be easier to tell someone over the phone you are feeling depressed. You were able to write to us about how you are felling just say to the call taker what you wrote to us.

I am from Lithuania.

I had appendicitis about ten days ago, but only it was but got surgery six ago since it was a rather complicated case. I am due on my period starting tomorrow, and don't know whether or not it could get affected. My period isn't very consistent, but it usually is early rather than late. I have not shown any symptoms yet, and that concerns me, since I usually have severe abdominal pain right before my period begins. I am afraid that it may begin and I might confuse that pain with something being wrong with my surgery, since my body has taken too well to be true to it so far. Can my period be messed up after I have appendix surgery?

Short answer; Yes

I am not a doctor, but your body has suffered a trauma even if the surgery was done laparoscopicly. any time a body suffers a trauma the trauma can affect the entire body. That plus you were given a number of different drugs while the surgery was done.

One of the reasons the female is looked at as the delicate sex is because her body is delicately balanced. It does not take much to throw her of cycle. Over the counter medications, prescription medication to much stress even to much exercise can affect the menstrual cycle.

You may not get your period, this month, it could be l;ate and it may even be a very light period. If you are on any antibiotic, which I assume you may be. It is possible that this period and the next may not happen. If the third period does not happen then you should seek medical advice.

This is probably jumbled and random. I'm a little upset, so I apologize. Thank you in advance.

When I was little, my maternal grandmother lived with us a lot. I had a very close relationship with her, as I do with my mother. Her whole life she's had a hard time with personal relationships, and she's moved around and met different men, none of which have been pleasant. Right now she lives with an old man with a farm, and he's a little off his rocker, and doesn't like to go out or be around people, and besides getting anxious sometimes, he isn't that bad of a guy. However, they have this idea that they just cannot leave the farm unless they need something because they might get sick, and of course, they can't afford that. I haven't seen my grandmother in around a year, even though she lives about half an hour away. My step dad and 8 year old brother saw them from across the street at a gas station. They all made eye contact, but couldn't even be bothered to wave. Just last year, when I was still in highschool I had a lead roll in our winter musical, and we were doing South Pacific. It's my grandmother's favorite, and she promised she'd come see. It was the only thing that kept me from dropping out. She didn't come. Graduation rolled around, and I sent out invitations. She sent me a letter saying that she and her boyfriend or whatever he is would "be there in spirit." I cried both times. I know she's never had the best mental health, but it makes me angry. I want to write her a letter, but I don't even know what to say to her. My mother hasn't really ever had the best relationship with her, and it's at it's worst right now. They haven't spoken in months. Grandma sends occasional cards. She doesnt know what my siblings are up to, she doesn't know I moved out, or that I'm seeing someone. I'm so hurt by her lack of action, but I miss her. I know where they live, and I want to go see her, but I don't know if that would be the right course of action. I'm upset right now, so this whole thing is probably very jumbled. I also don't know if I should take how my mom would feel if I went to see her into consideration. I'm 18 and it's not really any of her business, but I love my mother very much. Also, I don't see or talk to my family much, despite living 8 blocks away, and I don't want another confrontation about it..

I want to see my grandmother again. What should I do???

My advice is to get in the car and go see her. What is between your mom and your grandmother does not Reflect upon you. You're 18 no longer living at home and an adult in all legal aspect of the word.

Maybe your grandmother is not in the best of heath physically or mentally. That should not stop you from visiting and finding out for yourself just how she is and if she wants a relationship with you.

One other thing a visit will do is you will find out just how well she is caring for herself. You say she is living with someone but not married to him. A visit by you is the perfect opportunity to evaluate the living arrangement and see if it is suitable given her physical and what you believe to be her mental condition.

Should you feel the conditions are a danger to her health and safety and your mother will not do anything then you can because you are an adult. You can contact the appropriate governmental agencies such the department of aging and social services to find what help can be offered her.

So yes go see you grandmother and find out if a relationship can be had. But more importantly make sure she is healthy and well cared for.

I lied to my father about my marks and next week I have pta meeting.I got 34/70 in physics.I don't want my father to come to pta meeting.I don't know what to do.please help me

The terrible thing about lies is they tend to catch up with you and bite you on the ass. I would say there is not much you can do to stop your father from going to the PTA meeting short of telling him another lie and I would suggest not doing so for that one will also come back on you.

I'm sure you thought you had a good reason to lie to him at that time. Whatever the reason you didn't think about the fact he would eventually find out. I hope you enjoyed the reason for lying to him for I foresee the punishment you would have gotten to be worse when he finds out at the PTA.

I suggest you tell him the truth before he goes to the PTA meeting and finds out that way. Confessing may limit any punishment he gives you. The only other thing you can do is pray he is called out of town when the PTA meets. I don't think those type of prayers are answered as God doesn't work that way.

If there is a world war 3, what would happen to the celebrities such as Demi Lovato? Would they be sent into a place to hide? Would they just be left like everyone else? Since they're in LA, are there chances of dying more likely? This is such a random question but I saw about the mass production of nuclear bombs now and was wonderig

To answer your question. Celebrities generally do not get special privileges in war time. Depending on their star ranking they may be put into an entertainment battalion to tour and uplift the moral of the fighting troops.Otherwise they will be handed a rifle like any one else. Elvis Presley was drafted and made a grunt and he was at the time the biggest of the stars.

I don't believe there will be a WWIII. Will we go to war with North Korea possible but if it goes nuclear it will be n there part and we have the ability to shoot down their missiles and they will only get one chance as we have an over powering force against their aging war machine. If they start the war, which they will have to do the Chinese and Russians have told them they are on their own. Iran is to far away to help them.

I would not put a lot of worry into the thought of another war . Right now it is a war of words designed to bring the North to the peace table and end their nuclear build up. Their leadership knows they cannot win a war with the US without help. They would have lost the first Korean war without China's help and they had state of the art weapons at that time.

Long story short my friend who I had planned to have move in with me for months and take over half the rent decided last minute that she wanted to keep living at home. This is a problem for me because my current roommate already decided she's getting a place with her fiance and now I'm stuck with either a $1600 apartment that I don't have the means to afford by myself or finding a place alone, which I'm also not sure I have the means to afford.

I've been trying to find another roommate via online services, but nothing is working.

My issue is although I work I currently have other bills that are around $600 a month and that doesn't include groceries, gas, etc., so I'm limited on how much I can afford for rent.

I've been looking around for a one bedroom and studio too, but I just don't know that I can afford it. Most apartments within an hour distance to my job and college are $750-1200 and I can really only afford $650 to spend on rent (I recently started a new job after being laid off, so I can afford less than I could before until I can find something better).

I also feel like I can't afford to move out of the area where rent is cheaper because I need to keep my job. I recently applied for food stamps, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to get denied because I do work full time.

My campus also doesn't have housing and I don't have any local family.

I'm really not sure what to do at this point. I'm already planning on taking a semester off to work more and pay off bills.

Taking a semester off to catch up on bills is an option albeit a last ditch option. If you do have to take a semester off I suggest you at least take one or two on-line course just to stay in the habit of studying and doing school work which will make the transition back to student easier.

Trying to find a roommate on-line is hard. I realize you are of the web generation but sometimes the old ways are better and faster. There are some real estate agencies that find apartments for people especially in college towns. Call one of the larger agencies and one of the smaller local agencies and see if they can help you.

i dumped cocacola down my asshol what is going to happen to me

I'm not a doctor so I can't make any diagnoses. I think whatever happens is going to depend on how much of the coke actually makes it up into your lower intestines. The higher up in the bowels the coke got the more sever any problem you might get will be is my thinking.

You will definitely get a heck of a sugar high as there is loads of sugar in any soda and you all but main lined it. You could get sever diarrhea in which case you should cal 911 and let them come treat you and take you to a hospital. Th problem with Diarrhea is not just you spend a lot of time on the toilet. Diarrhea causes you to dehydrate. If you get severely dehydrated it is life threatening. The same with vomiting. It is okay to vomit once or twice but if it is uncontrolled you need to get to a hospital and the best thing to do is call 911.

You posted this around 11:30 last night. If you are not having any strange intestinal problems by now you are probably in the clear. If you are having any severe intestinal problems then seek medical help immediately.

Today... I realized the main purpose of life is to be genuinely happy no matter what you're doing with your life. That's how I personally see it anyway.

But the thing is... I'm UNhappy. Terribly. Deeply. So I'm not fulfilling that purpose, unfortunately.

I'm sick and tired of being medicated and trying different antidepressants over and over and they never even manage my intense suicidal tendencies or major depressive episodes.

I want to cure my depression NATURALLY, so I can finally come off of these medications (with the permission of my psychiatrist, of course).

I want to journey through this curing by:

1. Subliminal messaging/Law of Attraction: which I DEEPLY DEEPLY DEEPLY believe in and am RIDICULOUSLY passionate about.
2. Healthy dieting: I'll be going pescetarian/only drinking water, milk, 100% juice.
3. Exercising everyday: walking more everyday.
4. Self-love.

But most importantly, deepening my relationship with God.

But how do I deepen my relationship with God? I'm thinking of getting a Christian therapist and talking to God more, but what else?

And what self-love practices would help cure my depression?

Please help!!!! I CANNOT cope with my clinical depression anymore.

Having been through a case of deep depression myself I feel comfortable talking with you about this. What I will not do is offer clinical advice as I am not a doctor.

I'n sure you are aware there are different types of depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression caused by a variety of thing going on in my life that just overwhelmed me.

I was luck in that I found an excellent psychiatrist that I was comfortable with on the first try. He changed the medication my PCP put me on and the fog of the depression and the perception problems that accompany depression slowly started to lift.

Where I wasn't to successful at first was with the therapist for talk therapy. The first two I saw instead of helping me find and deal with the trigger of the depression they wanted to help me deal with the physical manifestations. I was injured in a car accident leaving me physically handicapped unable to work which was part of the problem but they didn't address that.

The third therapist a nice young lady a professor of Psychology at one of the local colleges was the one that actually helped me recover. It took time. As she kept reminding me Rome wasn't built in a day and I didn't suddenly dive head first into depression it was something that built up over years and they was triggered. My psychiatrist agreed.

She saw something that I was keeping locked away, something she felt was the basis of my depression. She kept digging for it and I kept changing the subject to the point she called me the king of the Segway. Then one day it came tumbling out of me and that is when I started to recover in earnest.

Now I can't and I wont tell you if a Christian therapist is right or wrong for you. The other things you wrote about are definitely helpful. With talk therapy you must be comfortable enough with the therapist to tell him or her your deepest darkest secrets as if they were r your newest best friend knowing what you say in therapy stays in therapy. If you haven't had talk therapy or you are not comfortable with your therapist by all means find someone you are comfortable with. I just don't know if talking with a Christian therapist is the one you will be most comfortable with.

I have a friend at the fire station I volunteer at who was training to be a Christian therapist while I was suffering with the depression. We talked in between calls when it was our night to stand duty. I listened to him but In ever got all that comfortable with him as I did with my Psychologist therapist.

The key to recovery is this.

1. Being comfortable with your professionals who are helping you.

2. Not just loving yourself but also understanding that the world around you may not be exactly as you perceive it as the depression distorts what you see.

3. Eat Healthy, stay away from alcoholic beverages.

4. Most important; be good to yourself

Stay in touch I would like to know how your doing. You can send private messages to me. Just follow the prompts

So I got invited to this girls dinner party, the problem is I I only know her and she invited over 30 people. I’m very introverted and I don’t do well in social situations especially something as intimate as a dinner party so I was wondering if you had any tips on how I can survive this. I don’t want to sit beside her cause I’m pretty sure she probably has an idea of the seating arrangements. She even told me I could bring a friend but none of my friends want to go. I’ve been in social situations where I didn’t know anybody like my university orientation week but it is different than this because everyone there didn’t know each other so it was easier to socialize but this dinner party majority of the people knew each other from high school. Please help I’m 18 btw

From one introvert to another I can tell you that I have been in that situation and it is not
as bad as you think. You don't have to be a social outcast just because your introverted. It just means you have to work a bit harder to be social.

The first part of being social is being a good listener. You walk up to a group of people or the host or hostess introduces you to a group of people and you listen to the conversation. Even if you didn't go to school with them and they are talking about something that they experienced at school.

The second part happens when: They may say some thing to the effect, "Anne what do you think?" "Your answer starts with, well I didn't attend your school but we had a similar situation. That's how a discussion starts.

Maybe they are talking about something else and you have something to add to the conversation then you say, are you aware of this, or I had something very similar, and go on from their.

I am prove positive you can overcome being introverted it just takes an effort on your part. For you see as an introverted person I had the worst job in the world; I was a Representative for a major manufacturer of products to the wholesale construction market. At first I had to work hard to over come being shy it got easier as I became more comfortable with what I was doing. When I retired I retired as one of the top 5 Representatives in the company for many rears.

My question is because of my situation I want to know if there are people out there who will help others to start over and first listen to exactly what the problem was how it was resolved and what the outcome is been and how much it's destroyed my life and I want to know if there's organizations or people out there that are willing to help out an individual who is able to be helped and get on their feet to once again regain their life. I am not looking for Access welfare or I'm not looking for clinics like cope and mental health places I'm perfectly sane and understand exactly what my thoughts are in exactly where I'm at in life but it's so overwhelming that I need someone or would like someone who's able to help a person get on their feet through guidance and direction and positive support because I have none and I I'm a person who is worth and is able to be lifted up off their feet I just don't know who to ask I don't know where to go and I'm searching for help

There is not enough information her to offer you much in the way of information you are looking for. What I can say is YES there are agencies and organizations that will help you.

From what you have written I don't believe a life coach is right for you. You need something much different starting with a mental heath professional like a psychologist to help you understand your thoughts.

For the rest of the help you are looking for more information is needed starting with:

1. Your age

2. Your sex

3 Just what you see as the problems you face and the type of support you think you need.

We need to know more about the problem(s) in life you are facing, why you feel you are not getting the support you need to grow and prosper. Without this information we cannot offer you the best advice possible.

17/f
For 3 months now I keep getting messages from this random guy. Everytime I block him he starts on a new number. He knows my name and says he got my number off of Facebook and when I searched his name he didn't have Facebook. my friend messaged him and then he had a new name and wouldn't stop messaging her and phoning her so we phoned him off her number and when I accused him of lying he started swearing at me. He smsd me saying that he has an offer for me of money and I ignored him. A week or two ago he messaged me this long message about being friends with benefits and I ignored him. My friend messaged him asking if it's this one guy cause I had a name I thought it might be now he keeps messaging and phoning her. Her boyfriend messaged him telling him to leave us alone. What can I do about this? Can I go to the police? I think it might be my ex brother in law (sister's ex husband) who molested me from 2010-2013 and he would've done stuff like this. I don't wanna tell my mom until I know who it is. How do I figure out who it is?

This is most definitely a police matter and the molestation is still open to charges as well even if it is not your ex brother in-law who is harassing you. I urge you to bring those charges against him even if it is not him who is harassing you. He molested you he will molest again if he is not stopped. If you bring charges now you can save another young girl from going through what you have.

As for the stalker who ever he is. He offered you money in exchange for benefits. This is promoting prostitution since we all know what benefits he is talking about. It is also sexual harassment of a minor since you are not 18. Both are charges he can be criminally charged with.

Do not tell him you going to the police, don't threaten to go to the police just call the police. You do not need to figure out who is harassing you. That is a job for law enforcement. So tell your mom what is happening and call the police together.

I was diagnosed with mental health problems, but I’m fine now and I take medicine. If I tell them will that disqualify me from the job? Will they check my medical records and find out?

Your medical records are confidential. You need to give them written permission to see them. as to telling them in advance. IF there is no question on the application as to your mental heath then you are not obligated to tell them.

The only reason I could see for you offering this information without being asked is if you mental health problem would interfere in anyway with your job responsibility.

Short answer TSA will not find out on their own so you cannot be disqualified. No they cannot check your medical records. This requires written permission from you so be careful of what you sign.

This is going to be a piggyback question off of one that I recently asked about my boyfriend. I don’t remember what I called it but it was about his mom losing her job, it’s kind of the relevant but when the people that answered that question before read this and say that they are having déjà vu, they kind of are.

So, one day I was spending the night at my boyfriends house. That morning after we woke up, he got a phone call which was a job offer that he really wanted. So after we talked a little and I congratulated him, he said he wanted to go to breakfast at his favorite place. So we went downstairs to leave and he walked into the living room and I heard him talking to his mom telling her that he got this job. When he came back out I asked him why his mom was home on a weekday and He said that she no longer worked where she worked, she did not like her boss, she was not happy with her vacation days, and after the amount of time that she spent there she did not get any raise at all, and she was not given the responsibilities that she previously was. So, I concluded that she quit. I had just gotten a new job after I had quit my previous job so I had told him that he knew what it was like when I was out of work, and I thought that was pretty bold of his mom to quit and he didn’t steer me away from that thought at all. I went home that night and saw that his mom had put on Facebook that she made a huge mistake and she made a mistake so large that her boss was not able to give her a second chance so she was fired. The next day when I brought up to my boyfriend that I saw that post, all he said was oh you saw it. I asked why he led me to believe that she quit when that wasn’t the case and he beat around the bush and then completely started talking about something else. Then last night, we had a pretty big blowout and it ended with hi The next day when I brought up to my boyfriend that I saw that post, all he said was oh you saw it. I asked why he led me to believe that she quit when that wasn’t the case and he beat around the bush and then completely started talking about something else. Then last night, we had a pretty big blowout and it Included him saying that his mom specifically told him not to tell me why she lost her job so he thought that the less he said was best. I told him more than a dozen times that I did not need to know what happened. If he just would have told me that she lost her job and he didn’t want to talk about it I would totally except that and move on. But him hiding it from me as a whole and him not trust included him saying that his mom specifically told him not to tell me why she lost her job so he thought that the less he said was best. I told him more than a dozen times that I did not need to know what happened. If he just would have told me that she lost her job and he didn’t want to talk about it I would totally except that and move on. But him hiding from me as A hole and being completely comfortable with his mom telling him to hide something from me makes me feel so uncomfortable being with him and also knowing that his mom is like that. He said that he didn’t think it was a big deal, it was a situation that didn’t involve me and therefore I don’t need to know about it. Again, I told him that I didn’t need to know it was the entire fact that he lied to me about the situation, that she was actually fired. And not really to mention that it kind of will fall back on me at some point because he and I were discussing moving out and she is a single mom and since she doesn’t have a job, she would need him to pay for a lot of things and he already said that he had started paying for these things so now I know that he and I moving out will he said that he didn’t think it was a big deal, it was a situation didn’t involve me and therefore I don’t need to know about it. Again, I told him that I didn’t need to know it was the entire fact that he lied to me about the situation, that she was actually fired. And not really to mention that it kind of will fall back on me at some point because he and I were discussing moving out and she is a single mom and since she doesn’t have a job, she would need him to pay for a lot of things and he already said that he had started paying for these things so now I know that he and I moving out will be be put on hold until she can find a job or maybe she’s just going to get so comfortable with him paying that she won’t think she needs a job. Anyway, I brought up to him again why neither of them wanted me to know what happened, is this actuation so bad that his mom thought that I would judge her Or look down on her and he said yes. So then I believe that makes it 10 times worse as well that when his mom said to not tell me because she does not want me to judge her, he did not stick up for me and tell her that I would never do that, he instead listen to her and chose to keep something from me. I even brought it up to my dad, who I really don’t talk too much about with my boy problems and he told me and I’ve heard him say this that if one of my mom’s siblings tries to talk to him about something and says don’t tell my mom, he will tell them well then don’t tell me because he does tell her everything. or look down on her and he said yes. So then I believe that makes it 10 times worse as well that when his mom said to not tell me because she does not want me to judge her, he did not stick up for me and tell her that I would never do that, he instead listen to her and chose to keep something from me. I even brought it up to my dad, who I really don’t talk too much about with my boy problems and he told me and I’ve heard him say this that if one of my mom’s siblings tries to talk to him about something and says don’t tell my mom, he will tell them well then don’t tell me because he does tell her everything. I know them being together for 30 years is a lot more than me and my boyfriend dating for 2 1/2 but can someone validate that I should be upset about this or tell me why I shouldn’t because when I had asked my brother about the situation, he told me that he didn’t think it was a big deal that he lied to help his mom. Thank you.

If you could repost this and put paragraphs with spacing in between it would be a lot easier to read.

You been dating for 21/2 years. One would say this is more then a relationship it is a romance that could or should end in marriage. If that is where this relationship is headed then there should not be secrets between you and neither you or he should lie to each other.

That being said; do you have a right to be upset; Yes. Since reading what you wrote without the benefit of paragraphs and spacing reading it was like reading one long sentence. Because of this I'm not sure what you are more up set over. The fact he lied to you or what he lied about in essence saying you did not need to know.

Given the amount of time you two have been together one would think you would be confiding in each other by now and there would be no secrets between you. In either instance you have the right to be upset.

Is this a game changer for you? I really can't say since I don't know either of you. What I will say is if you see this relationship heading towards marriage then you two need to talk about things. In any relationship communications is key be it a marriage, work or even sexual relations. The other party needs to know where y9u stand on different issues, your likes and dislikes are very important.

This is a conversation all couples should have in private, not in the bedroom but in the living room. After 2 1/2 years together you should both know where this relationship is going. Our you both committed to the relationship is the first thing that needs to be cleared up. From there you go on to other things starting with what you like including what you like about him and things he does that you don't like. He does the same for you. This is a no fault conversation.

No one gets upset or mad at the other that is discussed first. It is also very possible one or both of you are not interested in marriage. If so and this has not been discussed now is the time to discuss it. A frank conversation as to what I have suggested will avoid hurt feeling in the future.

So im so nervous to have sex because of my insecurities. What should i do?

It would be easier to answer your question if we knew your age and a little about your insecurities.

In general insecurities can be seen as a warning system. They are saying wait, we are to young or we really don't want to give our virginity to this person. Something along those lines.

Insecurities are also a warning that this is the wrong time and place to have sex. Guys can have sex anywhere it usually doesn't bother them just as long as their penis gets into a vagina and ejaculates. Gals on the other hand are more complicated. Back in the dark ages of your grandparents many gals lost their virginity in the back seat of the guys father's Chevy. Today a gal wants comfort and security. Security from being discovered or interrupted.

As I said without more information it is hard to give you a full answer to your question or they may be in reality just warning bells that the time is not right which it may be. When the time is right, the partner is right and the place is comfortable and secure your insecurities will most likely vanish.

NOTE: If you are a young teenager don't rush it. Sex is a beautiful thing between two lovers. Make sure he actually loves you and is not say something to the effect, "If you love me you will have sex with me." If he is he does not love you, he lusts for you; a big difference.

I'm not saying wait until you get married. I'm saying wait until you are older and can tell if he really loves you or just want to put another notch on his bed post.

I've just been asked to be part of the bridal party for one of my best friends. While I feel so honoured by her request, I'm very hesitant as she has told me about her intention to ask someone else as well. This person and I do not get along.
This person used to be my friend and former roommate. Our friendship ended 6 months ago when she moved out. Having been friends for over a decade, we had moved in together despite the fact that I was warned by various other friends that it wasn't a good idea. From the day we moved in, the relationship started deteriorating and she started to behave quite badly.
Just a few examples of this included:
- Never washing her dishes or putting them away or putting the garbage out and becoming hostile when I asked her to do so.
- Getting extremely upset with me during the time that my grandfather was dying. I was very sad and withdrawn and she accused me of making her feel as though she had done something wrong.
- Being very angry at me when I told her I felt uncomfortable if she were to sublet her room for a month while she was travelling (I eventually convinced my sister to sublet from her).
- Starting a verbal fight with me and, when a friend came over later, throwing objects around the kitchen and slamming cupboards to the point that we needed to leave the apartment.
- Doing drugs in my room while I was away on vacation.
I'm not innocent in this situation. In a lot of these conflict situations, I would either leave or practice avoidance. However, when I did assert myself or try to communicate, she would become very loud and intimidating. I am usually the 'mother' in any given friend circle and, while she encouraged me to practice boundaries with other friends, she became angry when I wouldn't be flexible with her.
We had come to an understanding that she would move out and I gave her ample time to find a new apartment. After several months of her staying put, I gave her a firm date to leave.
I haven't spoke to her since and had no intention of doing so. I came to the realization that, while I had supported her through many different life situations (losing an immediate family member, a break up, a theft), she had never been there for me or tried to support me in times of need. In addition to this, I developed anxiety during our last few months of living together and I still experience panic when thinking about her.
While the bride was supportive of me during this time, she still remains friends with my previous roommate. We had decided that I shouldn't share my feelings about the previous roommate with her due to the fact that it was very uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle.
When I found out that my best friend was getting married, I was happy for her but felt guilty about the fact that my mind immediately went to the fact that I would have to see my previous roommate again.
To add to this, there has been a lot of heartbreak that occurred between my previous roommate and other mutual friends even prior to our co-habitation. Due to this, the bride decided, out of her own volition to do two sets of events (i.e. bachelorette party, engagement party). This was an unfortunate set of affairs but seemed necessary given the circumstances. At the time, the bride did not want a wedding party.
The bride has now decided to ask her sister, another friend, myself, my previous roommate and my previous roommate's best friend. While I love my best friend and I want to be there for her on her big day, my throat closes when I think about interacting with my previous roommate. But what would be worse is if I bowed out of being in the bridal party and saw my previous roommate involved in my best friend's special day. I feel terrible but I've been fantasizing about skipping out on the entire day.
I haven't said anything about this to the bride and she wants to have a conversation. I don't want to hurt her or make this more difficult than it already is. What should I do?

The last thing you want to do is ruin this day fro your friend, I call her Jane. You don't and should not ask Jane to choose between the 2 of you as that would be a horrible place to put her in and she may just pick your former who we will assume has said nothing to her.

What I suggest is this. Contact your former roommate, and Email will do. Tell her that "our differences should not ruin Jane's special day." "We can be civil to each other when together for the different events Jane has planned and for the wedding."

At the Wedding party there is generally no assigned seating at the Bridal table so you and your ex-roommate can agree to sit at opposite ends of the table.. I assume each brides made will be pared with a groomsmen. Hopefully it is someone you know and can talk to and enjoy the party with. IF there is no bridal table and you are allowed a plus one you can ask the bride or her mother , who generally makes up the seating table arrangements, not to sit you two at the same table. If why you don't need to go into details a simple we have had some differences .

what if u don't have family or friends

Not having family or friends is not a reason to kill yourself. Feeling suicidal is is a direct cause of being depressed. While not having family or friends, especially this time of year, can cause depression it is not a reason to die.

Please do these two things for me.

1. If you are feeling suicidal pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the call taker you are feeling suicidal. Help will be sent to you. In most areas that means the following is sent, the closest fire truck staffed with EMT's to care for you. A police officer to assist the fire fighters and an ambulance with paramedics to take you to a hospital emergency room.

2. After you are released from the ER write me a private message and tell me what is really bothering you. I know how depression hurts I have been down that rabbit hole and with the right help the problem that has taken you there can be resolved I know this for a fact.

Long story short I transferred from a private school to a University this last semester. The university didn't send out admission letters until last minute, but I still took them up on it to save a ton of money.

Well now, unbeknownst to me until recently, my old private school is holding my transcripts for $2,100 because they claim they couldn't find somebody else for fall housing since I cancelled my fall admission there about a week before the semester started. They never called to inform me about it until I called them to get my transcripts released this week.

I feel totally screwed right now because my University wants a copy of my transcripts from the private school to ensure I'm not still attending there and they won't let me continue at their school without it.

I don't have 2k...I have under $300. I am working full-time, but I just started my job and while I may be able to save 2k in the next few months when I start getting paychecks steadily. I can't do it anytime soon because I also have other bills and my lease at my current place will be up soon so I need to save money to move in March because my current roommate is getting married and moving in with her husband.

I just don't know what to do. I can't reach out to family because they don't have money to lend me. My credit score as I'm a student isn't great It's about a 640. I already have a credit card, but my limit is $500 and if I use over $180 of it then it lowers my credit score. I've applied for loans and can't get one. I always get denied for insufficient credit history and because I'm also financing my car and they see that balance I'm currently paying on.

I tried working out a payment system with my old school, but they said it has to be paid in one whole chunk.

I thought about skipping my car payment in January, but that would only save me $500 and I'd still need to come up with another $1600.

My university also won't release my financial aid to me while I'm considered ineligible to attend their school without the final transcript so I can't use that to pay.

I don't have much to sell. I just don't know what to do, except leave school for a while. :(

Please help.

I don't think it is right for the school to hold you accountable for a dorm bill if you didn't attend school there. To me that is the cost of doing business.

The only recourse I can see for you to take is to go to the District Court House and ask the Clerk of the Court if there is any way you can get an emergency hearing in front of the judge. Explain you need to get your transcripts released and the school is holding them for ransom because they were unable to rent the dorm you reserved.

If you want to be represented by a lawyer, you might be more comfortable with a lawyer speaking for you, ask the clerk to have one appointed for you. It will be done without cost to you.

The lawyer will also tell you if the school has legal grounds to hold your transcripts hostage. The lawyer can also arrange that payment schedule which moist judges I believe would order them to accept.

The school is not expecting a student to go this direction, the expect you to take them at their word. Don't, either file the papers to bring them to court yourself or ask the Clerk to appoint a lawyer to assist you.

I found out that my boyfriend was texting old women (late 40's to 50's) and other women who were at least 8 years older than him. He's 21 and I'm 20. So of course, he basically fucks them. It was indeed cheating.

But it never hurt me coz duh I'm much younger, smart, I'm a triathlete, top in our school, pretty and I'm quite popular in the city.

My concern is that, I felt really weird and disgusted that from all of the girls he could on me with, why with women much older than he is. Last night, I've snooped on his phone and saw a 56ish women messaged him asking to meet up again and little did I know he denied having a girlfriend. The women was oh my god, my grandma was far better-looking than her.

I also snooped on his search history on his laptop, I saw massive piled up search of "50 year old women fucking", "60 year old women fucking", "40 year old women fucking". It made me feel so horrible with myself. What's wrong with him?

Also, on his downloads, I've seen at least 20 porn videos of milfs, and old women aged 50s-60s.

I love my boyfriend and this hurts me so bad. I asked him for explanation and he said he didn't have to explain. I even nagged him but he never answered. Unlike before when I saw a girl (2 years older than me) texting him and I got furious, He could explain that. But this no.

Now we're okey and I get to see him after 26 coz we're both travelling. I need an explanation please. This is really bugging me. Please give me an explanation.

I would love to give you an explanation that makes sense. If you ever hear one please pass it on. In reality for some guys it is a fetish as would be any other fetish such as watersport(being pissed on) S&M, BDSM and others. As fetishes go this is relatively harmless unless and until a husband or significant other finds out.

Then of course there are men who want to have sex with there mothers. For them having sex with women their mothers age is a substitute for not being able to have sex with their mothers.

Then there is the most popular reason a guy will give. Sex with an older women is better because she is more experienced. It's just sex, she wants nothing in return. An older women may be willing to different sex acts that a younger women may not, such as anal sex.

I don't know to many guys who don't want to have anal sex. Problem is most young girls are not willing to have anal sex were as most older women will and enjoy anal sex.

These are some of the reasons given, none make a lot of sense. Given the chance I would guess as many as 80% of men would jump at the chance o have sex with an older women. which is one reason I believe female teachers are able to seduce there teenage students as easily as those who have.

Since he seems to be successful at attracting older women I don't think you will be able to stop him any time soon.

I'm so sick of everything. Of the miserable cycle that life is. What's even the point of life? I mean, I'm not gonna kill myself but everything just seems pointless and we're all gonna die someday anyways so why not now and just skip all the terrible parts?

I take it back, maybe I am gonna kill myself. Maybe. My life really isn't THAT bad, but it's pointless and empty and I am completely useless. So my question is, what's the best way to kill yourself? Just in case i need it in the future.

You have come to the wrong place to find out how to kill yourself. That is not what we do here. What we do here is solve problems and give people reasons to live.

You are obviously not happy and probably depressed to the point medical intervention is needed for your depression. I'm not a doctor though I doubt you manically depressed or you would have written an entirely different letter. IF you are suffering from a form of depression it is most likely Clinical Depression which is normally easy to treat medically. Clinical depression is generally caused by the lack of one or more chemicals secreted into the brain. These can be helped with with medication.

I have suffered with clinical depression and while I don't see all the indicators in what you have written I see enough to ask you to see a doctor and get screened. In fact since you say, "maybe I am gonna kill myself," I would like you to pick up your phone and call 911. Emergency respondents will take you to a hospital ER where you will be treated and most likely released with an appointment for outpatient treatment.

I will tell you this for a fact as I have lived it. When you are clinically depressed, as I think you are, your entire perspective is off. You do not see things as they really are. Nothing is right, nothing makes sense, life is impossible which is where you say you are.

Help is a phone call away, call 911 what have you got to lose.

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