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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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There's this guy in my jazz group who I'm definetly getting feelings for. I'm not certain he is at that point, but these past few rehearsals I feel like we've been making a lot of eye contact. It almost feels... electric. I can hardly stop looking at him, and (though I might be crazy) I think I'm not the only one stealing glances. Lately it just seems like my eyes find his across the room. We chat amicably too, more so than usual, but he's friendly with everyone (including a few other girls in the group)... What do I do? We're almost on a break for summer, and I don't want to let this pass me by. But I don't even know if I'm just imagining things, and don't want to risk messing things up.
Humans have the ability to sense when someone is looking at them or approaching them when our eyes are not facing that direction. Call it part of the animal instinct for survival in the animal kingdom. ITs part that too for humans and a couple extra seconds may save your life. But for humans, it may be a signal of more such as an attraction to the other. Though when the giver of glances or chats is the exact same friendly with everyone, it becomes really hard to tell if they are flirting or simply interested by too afraid to take another step. There must be a certain level of attraction there cus I hardly think that once a person discovere who is staring at them, would encourage that person by continuously looking at them if they were not attracted. They would at some point early on have begun ignoring the sense that a gal was looking at him. wouldn't you do the same if you found a guy looking at you but were not even remotely attracted to him, maybe even repulsed...you wouldn't give him the time of day by repeatedly staring at him, isn't that right
So right now he's shy or scared to approach you cus he's wondering the same thing as you, whether he's imagining signals. When young and inexperienced, it may be hard to spot body language that may give more clues so the best thing is to take a leap of faith and just ask if he'd like to exchange numbers and keep in touch and would he like to plan right now a time to hang out together. Don't leave it unfinished with a lets get together sometime cus it may never happen if both of you chicken out with second guesses. It is only because one person ever reached out to let another know they have an interest that there are any couples around in the world today. If no one ever made a move, then the whole world would be single. So if you dont want a summer of what if thinking, take the chance. He might say no but then you'd know and wouldnt be left guessing. But if he says yes, who's to know how great this may turn out. Yes, girls can make the first move in this day and age. Its actually quite normal for todays times. So ask him to hang out with you and set a date.
Greetings,
I'm Jane.
I have been bleeding for 3days now and I'm not on period!
We were having sex, and I felt that vagina got cut after sex I was peeing and burning sensation I touched and there was blood. I looked I saw a tiny cuts too. It was burning and bleeding for a day. The next day it wasn't burning anymore but it's still bleeding. put my hand down there and looked at my had and it gushing blood. I had to put a pad on due to the amount of blood that was coming out, the next day i started to get symptom of my time of the month, but it is a little different. I am on day 3 still bleeding and not sure if it because of cut or period( which btw wuld be too early.
How to stop blood? I'm so afraid
Please help me.
Hi Jane.
As a female, I can tell you that the fine tears that occur from lack of lube can spot a little but no heavy bleeding comes from that. These tears are easier felt than seen, microscopic but due to this being extra sensitive tissue like your eyes, it can feel a heck of a lot worse. Males can get these tears too on their penis if lube isn't used or reapplied as needed.
Then there can be minor cuts from a fingernail, also something that might shed a few drops of blood but not gush as you describe. These incidents I've mentioned will happen often enough throughout your sex life and its quite normal and your body is well able to heal itseslf on these regards without any medical intervention.
Regarding a torn hyme, theres 2 ways it might break but it doesnt for all females, only some. If it was first time sex or first time with a male with a larger penis and he didn't enter very slowly to allow your body to adjust, then you could have torn. This may produce more blood, enough to stain the sheets, and maybe to bleed for a day after, but gushing blood doesnt sound like it either.
If you can see rips or tears, it may be that you had a septate hymen. Look it up online and view photos. What this mean is that instead of the hymen being the extra tighter ring of skin around the circumferance of interior of vagina, that the skin grew down in a strip down the middle or off to one side. This would create two smaller entrances or two of differing sizes. Your period fluids can still pass out. If hymen strip is centered, it might be difficult to put a tampon in or it may not fit. If theres one larger and one smaller hole caused by septate hymen, perhaps he was able to enter by one side but that action was enough to rip one end of it completely. Teens with septate hymens have been treated easily as an outpatient with a local anesthesia and the remaining loose strip snipped away. i have not heard of this procedure needing any stitches at all. Generally something even as drastic as these tears which can bleed a lot more and burn and hurt, will heal fine on their own.
It would take a Dr. to do a checkup to see if this is a partially torn septate hymen or regular one that is still bleeding or whether it was just a coincidence of the timing but the bleeding is something entirely different that may require medical care.
You may indeed being having your period early which is common for teen girls until their bodys get used to all those hormones and become regular. Some have only one or two odd timings and others have it like that for a couple years with earlier or later periods so there may be 2 in a month or none for two months, and from heavier than usual to lighter than usual flows and delayed due to illness, stress and worry or body regulating to change your monthly period to be in sync with and occuring same time as the females you are around most on a daily basis, either household members or school mates, coworkers.
If you are still bleeding, I would recommend seeing a Dr. If you are an adult, call and tell the Dr. office whats happening and get in asap.
If you are a teen then either you tell the parents which in most cases won't happen as the parents are not open minded to discuss sexual matters with their children and/or not aware that you are sexually active. So in this case, you can by hippa law seek help from the family Dr. yourself, making an appt and seeing them and the current law is for the privacy and proctection of teens so they can be seen on anything regarding their sexual organs without parents concent or knowledge and Drs cant share anythibg with them unless you okay it. So they cant ever know you were seen. Planned parenthood should be able to help you if theres that or a womans clinic in your area.
So im 19/f and I started masterbating 2 years ago. Before then I had never been into anything sexual at all but one day I just started doing it and i havent stopped. Despite my many attempts to stop. Now its become a habit that I have to do almost everyday. I just get the slightest feeling and then I have to do it. Not only that but I imagine weird ass shit when I do it that I would never condone in real life. Like I just have this feeling come over me that it doesnt matter what I think of cause it turns me on, but after im done masterbating its like ew no what is wrong with me and I have to stop. But i never do. I picture my bf with different girls, and with family members. And idk why it turns me on so much. Is there a reason for this? Is this normal? How do I stop fantasizing about these kinds of things so much? How do I control my sensations and thoughts? I heard that keeping yourself busy works and ive done that before but its hard to because Im by myself with a lot of time on my hands the majority of the time. So how do I control it and have more purer nicee fantasies? Thanks!
YOu've got some good advice from Youareloved. However I don't want you to freak out over his commenting on your fantasies being disturbing. They very well may be for him and that is okay and whats outside the limits of what feels normal to him. All people are different when it comes to fantasies sexually. And no matter how bizzare they can get, there are only a few that would be illegal or unethical if acted out in real life. But as a fantasy helps the person to have their orgasms or heightened sexual experience. When it comes to the imagination, Psychologists will agree that the mind is our greatest sex organ and is a very important part of how much we enjoy our sexual experiences as the greatest portion of it is the involvement of the mind.
What I have not heard Dr.s able to explain is why one person has one fantasy that works for them and for someone else, that one doesnt work but a more bizarre real fantasies one does.
To me, some of the more bizarre fantasies being acted out for real are suffocated or strangled to achieve orgasm until just before the point of death. Unfortunately if one goes overboard, someone is dead. Others I find crazy is pooping or vomiting involved in the sex act, or cutting another person. For one person, they may get a thrill from just imagining something, the more dark or strange or illegal or naughty, thats what sparks the orgasm for them.
So in comparison, what you are imagining is quite tame compared to others so don't worry.
As for masturbating or ones need for sexual release, if comparing yourself to others you will get nothing but conflicting answers. Its all about whether a person has a high libido or a medium or low one. Someone with a high libido may want and need once a day if not more times a day. Just keep in mind, if satisfying yourself or sex with partner doesnt interfere with other areas of your life, then you are fine. If it begin to disrupt ability to get your job done, schooling done, housework, shopping etc accomplished, at that point its an addiction. Just becuase it feels like a lot doesnt mean its an addiction but YouAreLoved did mention it and it is a good thing to look at your situation and be honest with yourself and if its interfering with your ability to do all other things in your life that must be done, then there is counseling and support groups for that. Some people only want sex a couple times a week. And then there are those who are perfectly happy with orgasms only once a week, once every other week or less. I am not talking about people with a lack of sex partner as they can still masturbate and have orgasms. But matching libido is a very important thing to keep in mind when thinking of committing to a relationship long term. Differing libidos can cause havoc and ultimately may be a cause for the breakup of a relationship.
As for polyamory or just the open relationship/marriage deal of sharing ones partner with others, most people can't handle the emotional aspects of it and get jealous or do comparing as to who's better or worse rather than seeing it as a matter of just being different.
It is not an area I would advise a 19 yr old to check out in real life, no matter what your fantasies. It takes a couple have been successful and mostly trouble free in their relationship before they can handle polyamory and its also best to wait until you are done with child bearing if trying to still have kids with your partner, to avoid getting pregnant by others by accident. However as a fantasy, this is a perfectly fine way to use your imagination and there doesnt need to be a reason why it works for you, as long as something does, I say, all is okay.
I don't know if its due to religious beliefs told to you that you feel you must try to stop. In my church days at your age and even in marriage, I felt guilty for masturbating until at some point I woke up to the reality from other sources, both christian psychologists and female gynecologists who taught that orgasms are a healthy practice for women keeping everything in the privates region internally in good shape, strengthened by use so that as you get older you wont have sagging bladder or vagina, requiring the wearing of an insert to support everything inside, plus it is a great stress reliever. So as long as you are happy with your boyfriend, or any future sex partners, then there's nothing wrong with having extra on the side by masturbating.
Just an aside, but I've heard that often couples who feel comfortable with and trust each other enough to share all their thoughts, feelings and even fantasies, have shared what makes them horny and the two will both imagine the scenerio together, using dialogue along the lines of the fantasy to enhance sex for both of them. This way each can take turns helping ones partner work out their fantasy. If you have any other questions, just ask. Hopefully what i've shared has allayed your fears.
15/f
Hi, I can't believe I'm talking to strangers on the internet about this; it's so embarrassing. I'm sorry if this offends you since I'm not at a great age to be talking about it. I'm not sexually active (haven't been at all yet) and I've had my shots for cervical cancer and things about two years ago.
I never really worried about it until I heard that lumps can be a bad thing. It's quite high up on the inside of my vagina - I'm not good at distances so I'm really sorry - I can't quite reach the top of it with my finger. It's fairly large as well with a dent or something in it as well as being slightly off to the left.
I did a quick Google search but none seem to have something like mine and/or sexually active and have been for a while. It's been there for as long as I can remember but I don't think a large lump is very normal. (I'm also pretty sure it's not THAT spot). It doesn't hurt and I don't think it's irritated. I'm just really worried about it. I don't really want to tell my mum about it until I'm 100% sure I need to see a doctor. It's not exactly easy to say something like this to your mother and the story of how I found it, no matter how close we are.
Thanks for replying if you do. :)
Hi Hon.
Being female, I am wondering if what you are feeling is your cervix. It is at the end of your vagina and can be hard to reach. It feels like a large lump, mostly like the end of a nose. The dimple in the middle could easily be the entrance/exit to your womb by which period fluids and tissue lining your womb are shed every month.
It may be that you've just not felt it before if its truly your cervix. As for it not being centered but off to the left, that is also possible just as everything on ones faces isn't totally symetrical, this too can be a little off center and thats normal. My guess is that this is what you have felt.
Sometimes we discover it through masturbation. Sometimes it's in the process of removing period products, like tampon or the cup. Or it could be that you've felt it as you tried cleaning inside.
The best way to reach it, also best position for inserting, removing tampons, is to place one foot up on the toilet seat while standing. Make sure your longest finger is clean, no sharp edges to nail or tough skin around edges and use lube if you need, then insert finger and feel around at the back. This is a normal part of your anatomy and will always be there.
Someday when you do have sex, a guy who is too long for you or is pounding too hard may make it feel sore or bruise, even bleed a few drops but this happens often enough to women and it heals up quickly. It may feel pleasurable at the time so you don't know its gonna hurt later, or the penis could slip to one side or the other of your cervix and hit a nerve which creates a charley horse type cramp down your leg and its definitely uncomfortable to painful depending on your pain tolerance and you'd have to ask your partner to stop and try another position. I'm telling you this ahead of time as i know these questions regarding the cervix also will come up at a future date. Unless cancer of the cervix or uterus are in your family history at an early age, I wouldnt think it was cancer.
If however you ever experience rash, itching, a bad smell from there, you may have a vaginal infection which females get often in their life simply because the anal hole is so close to the vagina. It doesn't seem to prevent it happeniing by just wiping correctly from front to back and being conscious of anything that happens
you have diarrhea, one of the common culprits that start infections for me no matter what I've done to be careful.
Gynecologists at my every checkup have always said, You don't have to have an appt but come right in if you are experiencing heavy bleeding thAT pads can't hold, flooding that won't stop, or if you have extreme abdominal pains, worse than period cramps as it could be serious. So if none of thats going on, likely you don't need to do anything about it.
If you feel you can discuss it with Mom, just ask her if she knows what her cervix feels like. Lots of females are not aware tho, being shy at exploring their private parts. But if you do ask and she asks why you want to know, a good reply could be that you thought your period might be starting even though nothing was in your panty and you inserted a finger to discover if there was some blood and you're curious about what the cervix feels like. You don't have to ask tho.
the following happened on 30th jan, me and my guy were naked. his penis was near my vagina. i have never had sex. so i dont allow him to insert his penis in my vagina. he was just touching my vagina with his penis. not totally near my vaginal opening but near the inner thigh and on my belly and he touched once above the clit. in between i was giving him blowjob and he was fingering me too. he came at the end when we were all done. i got my period (atleast i think it was) on 21st february. my period usually lasts for 6 days but this time it lasted for only 4 days. it was red and heavy but not that heavy too. in march i got my period on 31st and it lasted for 5 days. first day i had dark brown colored flow and the flow was less. on second day i had bright red colored flow and it wasnt too less or too heavy but definitely a little less than the flow that i usually have on the second day.
and both the times i didnt have cramps also like i usually do have. no nausea, no breast tenderness nothing. only from past two days im feeling very hungry. yesterday i had leg pain and i feel some discomfort in tummy. apart from that nothing else. am i pregnant? or its just my hormones? please help.
If you are having periods, then you are not pregnant. Any changes you see as to when a period starts and ends, any differences in flow or color are all a part of the experience of having periods. This information isn't even covered in the basics one gets in health class if you still have that in school. I will share info now but suggest you start studying on your own to find out as much little but important details on everything, periods, proper way to keep clean, everything you need to know about the hymen, birth control, etc... Theres a lot of info to learn.
Womens periods if delayed can start out brownish but will change to a red flow once it gets going. A period if lighter one month can start or end with just a pink tinged flow. This is all normal.
What will delay a period is your body regulating to start the same time as other women you are around on a daily basis, being ill or recently ill, stress and worrying. 'll bet you've been worrying since Jan 30th and that worry was enough to make the next period start slower and start brown tinged. I didn't always have cramps as a younger person but got them often enough until after having first kid and then never got them again. Its different for everyone so you can't use cramps as a symptom of something being wrong. However my genecologist always asks two questions or warns me to come in if these are present, a heavy flow that wont stop and pads can't contain, or extreme abdominal pain. And I was asked if I had any pain with sex. So if theres none of that, there's nothing wrong.
If you are a teen, it can take a few years from puberty and onset of ones period for the body to get used to having a regular cycle once a month. So it is also normal to have two smaller periods in one month or within 6 weeks and not have any for a month or two, have shorter or longer periods, heavier or lighter flows. Mine was all over the place but I never worried about being pregnant as I did not even date in HS.
A dollar store pregnancy kit can lay your fears to rest if you still want the extra assurance.
My suggestion is to get on some form of birth control other than relying on condoms. Guys usually don't put one on until ready to enter and if thats not on the plan for that time, then as you know, there's plenty of sex play time where precum with its sperm can get on his or your fingers or transfered to near the vagina by his tip and if you are really wet and there's lots of fluid for the sperm to find to live in until they can travel inside on their own, theres always the slight chance of pregnancy. Even if you don't know whether you'll be having sex regularly, its worth it to be worry free. If you choose not to go this route, remember plan B or also called the morning after pill. Keep in mind that the hormones in birth control or morning after pill can mess with your body as far as giving you the symptoms of pregnancy. YOur own mind can do so simply because its a mind over matter thing and what you focus so much energy on worrying about, your mind will create, like the pregnancy symptoms in your case.
Some questions for 365 messages in a jar for boyfriend
If you are thinking what I believe you are, it's like the calendar with a page for each day with a daily quote or inspiration. That would make a wonderful gift to give him. I figure you could write personal messages for some, like using any nicknames you might have for each other, sexy ones about what you want to do to him that night. But there are also lots of love quotes on the internet if you just put in a search for them. You may get ideas from reading inspirational quotes and personalizing them. Heres an example: "Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal." ~E. Joseph Cossman ...and thats what I like about you, that you have goals and stick to them diligently.
See, you take a quote that applies to him and turn it into a compliment.
There are wonderful love quotes to also to found in books or on the web. If you type a search "Love quotes for boyfriend" you'll get a great variety of choices. Heres just one of them:
http://www.goodmorningquote.com/love-quotes-for-him-heart/
i want to know why a women need hard stroke during sex?
Every person is different. Each female has a certain way of reaching orgasm that isn't exactly the same as the next woman. What you can do is get your hands on book, you tube videos and other media on the web to learn more about how a female body works and their differences from men. Generally females take longer to warm up, like an iron, but once you have them at orgasm point, they can keep having them if they can stand the intensity. Then once they're all hot, it takes a long time for them to cool back down. A guy has orgasm quicker and then its over for him. Thats just one example.
Think about it, not all guys stroke themselves exactly the same way to get to cum if masturbating so to ask why a woman needs hard strokes is like asking why people need silverware to eat. We may hold our forks differently, not use knives at all, etc.
Just a warning ahead of time, with each new sex partner you'll ever have, you have to learn the new persons likes all over again. I've had enough males for sex partners that I can safely say its the same the other way around. I had to re learn what each guy liked all over again with each new partner.
So basically im 17 years old and never had a boyfriend, ive had a few crushes here and there but ive never tried to make my crushes more than crushes because of my low self-esteem and social anxiety. Anyways i was the type of person where if someone asked me who i liked i would say no one because based on my school experience whenever you tell someone you like a guy they always tell the guy and i didnt like that. So i would say no one so that they wouldnt know and they wouldnt tell the guy. Now grade 12 and all my friends except me have prom dates because of my social anxiety i dont really have any guy friends i was reallu socially awkward and people would always judge my voice and call me monotone so i wouldnt talk. Anyways its prom season and now my friend keeps on making these jokes for example lets call my friend kenzie and the one making jokes Raychel. So kenzie said hi to raychel and then said hi to me and then when i waved back raychel was like "oooo someones got a girlfriend" i told her that wasnt funny and since shes loud and rumours spread fast people might believe her and thought i was gay not that theres anything wrong with being gay. Then today raychel was like "liar liar pants on fire kissing girls on a telephone wire" and then i asked her to repeat what she said and she repeated everything except the kissing girls part. Just because i havent had a boyfriend before and havent told her who i like doesnf automatically mean im a lesbian what should i do about her and this situation? I believe thay in order to get into a relationship with someone else you have to love yourself first and i dont thats one of the reason why i dont bother with relationships apart from the anxiety and not looking physically attractive in my opinion. I dont know if my friend watched a buzzfeed video to make her assume that im gay because basically the video is about these 3 girls all of them started talking about their crushes and then the bisexual girl told them she didnt know who she liked because she secretly liked this girl, thats not me at all i just dont wanna tell who or anyone who i like (right now i dont like anyone because ive been so focused on just getting into post secondary school that i dont even look at a guys way plus im always home now so i dont go out to see any guys and the guys at my school ive known majority of them since kindergarten so its like growing up with my non-related brothers) please help on some advice on how to deal with this (i know i should just brush it off but me having social anxiety one bad embarrasing thing sticks with me for a very long time) sorry if this seems more of a rant and thank you in advance if you read up to this point
I was socially anxious with a fear of people when in school years except for last yr of high school when I finally did something about it.
Let me know if you want to know how to get over the anxiety yourself and I'll tell you what i did. I recently read a book by a psychologist who writes the same things I did to get over my anxieties.
So other than the anxieties and not reaching out to meet guys, your only real issues are a friend who isn't very mature and I dont know if you asked her to stop this kind of teasing. If you have and she hasn't stop, then your issue is being friends with someone who is not treating you like a friend and that may be something you can bring up with her. If I were you, I wouldnt worry about what someone else might think. All people have a right to their own thoughts and their ownk conclusions in their mind, even tho they may be wrong. If someone does get the balls to ask you if you are gay, you can either say, no I am not, my friend was just teasing me but let it get out of hand. Or you could have fun with it replying, "Why are you asking? Are you gay and do you want to invite me out on a date? Cus I'd have to dissapoint you. I am straight but decided I would never date in high school (instead of saying because I have social anxiety) unless you want to share that piece of truth. But in the kidding with someone, the news will spread around just as quick that you are not gay because it was told in a funny way and humorous stuff gets spread around just as fast as gossip.
Don't think your the only gal not to date in highschool. None of my 3 daughters did and neither did I. Infact, none went to prom with a guy, only with a handful of 'straight' girlfriends who also had no dates. It's more common than you think and You haven't missed out on much. I like that you feel its important to love yourself self before being in a relationship. You are very perceptive and intelligent for your age. I also feel its important to be a whole person before you can be part of a couple or you tend to lean on the other as a crutch and never grow. In your case its not as much not loving yourself as it is about improving yourself. Also, its quite normal to find many teens with social anxiety and many of us continue to learn and outgrow it after high school and come out of our shell to some extent.
Right now I believe you are more worried about what might happen because of her teasing rather than the fact that others believed and the gay population is inviting you to start hanging out with them.
Situation: Family Turmoil
Location - Florida
Father buys a house for son. Son and girlfriend of 17 years move in. Currently living there for over 7 years and paying mortgage to the father to date. Father and Son also have a business with the same arrangement for the last 13 years.
Father/son fall out: Father decides he wants out and demands payment in full for house and business. Son does not have that kind of money and has never been in control of the finances. Father was handling all the finances, both business and home. Father has kept son at arms length and had him not only work for free for these 13 years but had denied him medical benefits as well. To be clear, father has never paid the son a wadge for working and running the business for all these 13 years.
Girlfriend/boyfriend verbal agreement has the girlfriend paying all household expenses including (but not limited to) utilities, food, non-food household items, appliances, entertainment, etc...
Girlfriend has no written legal binding to the house or business. There is no lease and she has not been included on any of the house or business dealings. Girlfriend and boyfriend plan on maintaining their relationship as per usual.
My questions are as follows; Does the girlfriend have any rights? Is she entitled to anything regarding the home she has lived in and upheld for over 7 years? Can she be evicted without legal notice, court summons or termination notice?
Fathers name is on the house loan, not fathers and the son's right? Father on it alone means he is the home owner. Your son working for no wages that the state are aware of means that when retirement time comes, he will not be getting much retirement money. He can't claim anything that didn't go thru the IRS, so the same is for working under the table for another company. So that is another thing to be concerned about. He should find a real job.
Basically the the son has been screwed by his own dad. Dad's name is the one of the contract and he has been building up his own good credit rating by using son to pay his mortgage and help run the company on top of it for free so Dads business can look to be a financially stable and profitable business when in reality it may just be barely getting by if he couldnt afford to pay wages and other benefits. No other person off the street would ever have worked for him for no wages. So the son is extremely gullible, may be a little slow as far as business dealings, and not have the sharpest mind, or he just trusted his own father too much and never in 13 years ever stopped to really think about this situation as to whether it was a sound deal for you both or not.
And so I agree with the other advice giver that its time to cut your losses and just leave as there is nothing holding you to that house. He should find a job and based on his income, then find a house or apartment to rent for the same amount or less that he was paying Dad as long as the other expenses remain the same so you can cover them. Theres much to be said about having a house of your own but that house was never yours and you may not be able to own one for a long time but its best to start saving up now by finding a place you can live in for low expense and save up money for your own place or just rent for life. Its up to you but he needs to not deal with Dad or try to do any business dealings with Dad.
Okay so I am writing this post argument, might be still a bit angry but here goes.
I am dating and in love with a coworker. The company we are in has absolutely NO policy against employees dating, there are even some that are married. However we are quite high in the executive ladder I should say we work directly for the owner. So when this started because we didn't want our boss to judge or think decisions were biased, we kept it on the down low.
It has been two years now, in which I think our boss already might suspect something ( it has been a long time and he would be blind not to) but he hasn't brought it up. We havent made it public either at work its all professional.
This makes me think it really doesn't matter. The company also doesn't have any of the typical Human Resources department where you have to declare a relationship so we haven't.
Here comes the issue. The company we work for is owned by someone in high society. This is a society that my boyfriend was born into but I just recently came into because of this job. Not that I am poor or anything like that, it is just in a different country, a small country, and I am foreign. People have taken well to me and are really welcoming. However, my boyfriend keeps saying that in this society people are very judgemental and if they knew we worked and lived together they would judge and talk and gossip.
Not being from this country I don't know about this, and also, I don't care what people think. My boyfriend says he doesn't either, and he has introduced me to people , not saying he hasn't, but I keep getting the feeling that he thinks the situation is embarrasing and he doesnt want people to talk.....which obviously makes me not feel so nice.
The fight tonight was over a party, he was invited by some friends, some I haven't met, that are from that society, and he didn't invite or want me to go because of that reason that he didn't want to explain to people we worked and were together.
After two years of this relationship in which he says he loves me, it makes me angry and suspicious he still cares what people think when I know the company doesn't. His argument is that even though they say they don't care out loud they still judge and he doesn't want anyone to mess it up for us.
Now we argued for maybe 20 minutes in which he either saw my point of view or just got tired of arguing ( I cant decide which) and told me ok fine lets go you can come.
But to be honest by that point I didnt even want to go especially when he said " well its not a nice situation to explain to people". I didnt want to go anymore, I just wanted him to see my point. And he did, according to him so he invited me, but I didn't go. I dont want to be somewhere he will be embarrassed to have to explain me. To be honest Im debating wether its ok to be in a relationship someone is emabarrased to have to explain to society. Not his friends or family, they know, its just other people.
Did I act correctly, arguing a point and then not going??? I dont know what is right in this situation because its tricky. On the one hand, I don't buy this selective secrecy, after two years. And on the other, I really love this person and want to give them the benefit of the doubt they want the best for us. But I am not sure anymore.
Also I am not sure if I should have gone, but my feelings were just I really did not want to be somewhere I felt I wasn't particularly wanted, even if in the end he seemed like he agreed with me.
Another doubt is how do I act tomorrow. I stayed home, now I don't know what I should do when he comes home. I am pretty upset over this.
Advice?
A small foreign country? Is this a mixed race situation with your relationship cus heck even in the US, depending where you live, you can be shunned, high society or not. If letting it be known that you are a couple and are living together, might bring death threats against you, it would depend on how safe you think you can remain if you two dating was known and whether local police and laws would protect you.
Apparently its not an issue in the company so my guess is that it would not be an issue in the general public either, only among the richer snob society. If he is beholden to anyone in that society, where his parents could get him fired from his job just by telling your boss to do so and paying him off... then he has to decide whether he loves his job more or you more.
My guess is that all his fears of how you will be accepted are perhaps partly true. If you can live with it and said so, then the only other problem with your boyfriend is whether he is actually worrying about and expecting some kind of hateful retaliation against him or both of you. This again is most likely just blown out of proportion in his mind....distorted thoughts. The more you dwell on such thoughts, the worse you get gripped in the fear that they generate. So his first problem is 1.. A fear of people...an anxiety disorder. He may not have any other anxieties but it only takes one to mess up your life. I had one when younger, social anxiety mixed with a fear of people or more to the point, fearing what others might think. I no longer have that and its wonderful but I can see how he can so easily be gripped in this fear. He wouldn't be the first to go against what high society expects. The reason he isn't is that he has no backbone.
2. He may love you but his fear of the what ifs concerning people of high society is stronger than his love for you.
It was right that you argued your point and won. He gave in but that didnt necessarily mean it was because he saw the light and was fear free. If you are a perceptive and intuitive person, you would still have been able to feel his fear if you went and that alone would ruin the evening even if you felt like going. Now try to imagine him never improving and getting past these real fears of his, being like this until the end of his life. Can you put up with his fears of high society as long as he associates with you?
If you talk to him, what needs to be discussed, would have to be his fear and lack of backbone to stand up to those snobs. And he may also fear losing his own status in society and believe that it is critical to have it and keep it to be able to survive in society, in the world without it. If he doesnt see it as a problem or have a wish to get better and stronger and be rid of this fear, then there isn't much hope for you having anything better than what you already have with him and you may be miserable for a long time and home alone many times. A man should feel proud to be seen with the woman he loves. And it shouldn't matter whether parents approve or anyone else but too many people have gone by the wishes or the rules of others when it comes to what job they train for and work in, where they live and whom they marry. If this isn't you but this is him, something has to change, not you, but him or you may have to be looking for a new relationship, unless you dont mind being as miserable as you already are with growing resentments thrown in for the years to come.
BACKGROUND:I met this guy on tinder(wow ik so romantic) in November and we hit it off, similar interests, taste in music, quirky sense of humor. Went on our first date in January. He goes to a military college so we can only hang on the weekends but we text through the week(both of us sending 20txts at a time), snapchat, etc. Our relationship has never been defined, neither have felt the need to but it's been going great. To a degree casual as both of us still get on tinder but both of us have said we like the other and neither of us have gone out with anyone else from the app. On our dates We always end up laughing and talking about our ambitions, lives, everything. We always seem to make many plans for future dates based on random conversations we have or things we see.
This weekend we were supposed to go walk around art museums, stay in a hotel, just have a nice weekend together. It was getting close to Saturday and I hadn’t heard from him since Thursday so I texted him asking when he wanted to go. 1am I got a response telling me he recently found out his dad has cancer and that he needs time to process the news. No details and it was very stiff and polite considering the very lighthearted guy he is. I responded that I understood, that I was here if he needed me to be, and that I was sorry for the emotions and pain he was facing. I don’t know how much space to give, if he doesn’t contact me whether or not I should try to reach out. Honestly I’m wondering whether or not to expect him to end things. I really don't want this to happen as he is a really special and important person to me. Honestly everything about the situation is depressing me because there are so many things we talked about doing and it was starting to get more serious. Basically I'm looking for any ssort of perspective. If age matters he's 20, I'm 18
Iff you're feeling depressed, just thinking about losing him, then perhaps in some way you can imagine what he is going through, thinking theres a chance of losing his Dad. While at some point, we all lose our parents to old age, we never expect it to be due to some terrible disease. I remember the day we went to see Mom in the hospital after she'd gone in for extreme pain and finally Drs. decided to do some real tests and discovered she had advanced liver and pancreatic cancer. If you've ever heard an expression of feeling like your heart just dropped to the floor, thats what I felt, like an instant plummet to the floor where hopes were dashed. What sucked more is that in her case she'd been going to her family Dr. with the same pains to a much lesser degree for 8 yrs I think and her Dr. kept telling her nothing was wrong and it was all in her head...imagined like a hypochondriac. If only she had gone for 2nd opinions elsewhere...but she never told us or I'd have mentioned that.
Just as I had a little story to tell, there is a story for every family who has someone with cancer.
As mentioned those who catch it early may have a chance of beating it. Also the type of cancer has some say in whether its easier to recover as I've heard some people say. The standard treatment of chemo and such are very harsh and while they may cure cancer, the treatment in the end can kill those who are weaker to begin with or older. There are newer more natural less harsh treatments for cancer that are gaining popularity that heal cancer too but do not kill so much of the bodys cells along with the cancer. There is the treatment that is naturopathic, high doses of vitamin C intravenous several times a week I believe but don't quote me on that, just trying to remember what our naturopath explained as to why he was leaving family practice to focus on doing this kind of cancer treatment. I've read much also about cannabis used as a cancer treatment, but not the thc part that makes one high, just other components. Not to deal with pain but actually cure. I don't know of anyone who was cured by alternative means but its something to look into.
You could research and find all this info on line and pass it on to the guy friend. When we get the bad news, we are stunned and walk around in a daze for a while, our minds unable to think positively and start really looking at ALL means of treating cancer to recover from it. My husbands mom went to another country at a time when the US didn't use these alternative methods as they werent approved yet. She always recovered but eventually due to being a worrywort, she brought back her own cancer. She was totally cancer free on many occasions and one of her treatments along with others was meditation. Since her chronic worrying wasn't addressed and fixed, she got sick again and again. I never got to meet her as she finally said she was tired of the repetitive cycle and opted for no treatment the last time and died. So I know alternative treatment works. But its so hard to witness a family member going through something like this because you hurt in other ways just experiencing life day to day that isnt the normal carefree life you had before. Its a real struggle to be there for the loved one, help and support them in any way all while wondering what if the treatment doesnt put it in remission or cure it? The statistics are still of more people dying of cancer than being cured of it.
You've said you are sorry which is the best thing and only thing that can be done. If he's the type of person who wants or needs the support of having someone to lean on, or of having some normalcy restored in his life, by focusing on whatever his routine was, which includ
ed you, some of us, like me, were able to get by even tho nothing got better for Mom.
I can't say how much time he will need to himself. What you might do is write to him and let him know he doesnt need to write back until he is ready. It could be months, or until his Dad recovers or dies and he's over his grieving. Drs said my mother had 6 months but she lived 6 more yrs. Perhaps he will at least read your emails, even tho he may not have the emotions or mentally be in a place where he can respond or even want to. Dont think its you he is rejecting. Everyone takes such news differently. I hope all goes well for you both and His father is restored to health.
I am a 12 year old female. I'm going to get a hair cut soon. I used to want to grow my hair out although now I kind of want it shorter. I've been looking up pictures online but I can't find anything. Some girls at my school cut it short and it looks nice on them. I cant can't really find the one I want to base it off of though. I also want to dye my hair a darker color. But I still want my hair to look kind of feminine, I dress pretty androgynous already so I don't want to look like I'm a boy completely. I think if I parted it to the side it would be cool. I keep seeing all these mowhawkes that I don't really like. I know it's going to be hard to find a feminine short hair cut because short hair is traditionally a boy feature, but idk I find it stupid the shape of our genetilia should determine the length of dead protein that grows out of our head. Any ideas?
Short of finding someone who has the computer programing to take a photo of your face and then on screen apply different short cuts around it to see which looks best, the suggestion to look for someone with your face and head shape is next best.
Put in web searches short but feminine haircuts and see what you get. Heres one I got and of the 40 pics, I liked #6 and 31 and most of those after 31 and I think its because the cuts went better with those faces.
http://therighthairstyles.com/20-short-pixie-haircuts-femininity-and-practicality/38/
Although the next says its 90 short hair cuts, a good amount are longer mid length in my book. But there seems more variety on the shorter cuts in this mix. Pay attention to what hair type the model has, as they mention cuts for fine hair to medium or thick hair. Get the opinion of a stylist first as to what hair type you have as the cut you may decide on was done on hair thickness different than yours and that will drastically change the outcome. I remember the time I once got my hair cut short as a teen, a short layered pixie type and tho it didn't look quite like the picture, I still liked it.
http://www.prettydesigns.com/best-short-hairstyles-for-women/
im a girl ..im 3rd year in high school and i have white spots on my two front teeth ..and i am so depressed about it ...i have these spots since 11 and now im 16...i did nothing with it but now when im in high school i wanted to look good...everyone think im shy bc i dont open my mouth often bc of my spots on teeth (they are not so big but still !!)..im always afraid to open my mouth .. i want to talk with my classmates so much but i cant...i have no confidence bc it..6 months ago i went to dentist and he recommended me a gc tooth mousse. i´ve been using it for 6 months but i cant see any change :/...so i told my mum i want to go to dentist to get my white spots professionally removed..so she called a dentist and he said has no vacancy until 28th April :/ so i have to wait almost month..and im really depressed bc i really like one guy from my school but i cant talk to him :// mum says people have worse thing with their teeth but she doesnt understand how is it like to have these spots :/...so i hope that 28th April will finally work ...and i will have more confidence then
Hon, you are lucky your Mom was even willing to get you appointments with the dentist, both the last that didnt help and the upcoming one. A lot of parents with a tight budget or for other reasons may not have been so supportive unless it was a life or death emergency that required medical intervention.
Yes, I do understand how it is when we are teens. Most of us lack a good healthy self confidence so things like this will bother us tremendously.
As for the guy, you could try passing a note with your phone number and asking him to call or text. Let him know you are kinda shy and would like to start contact with him but starting with just texts and calls for now rather than in person at school. Since so many teens have the same fears, he won't think it all that strange and if he likes you in return, he will contact you and that buys you time for getting your teeth fixed before hanging with him in person. Good luck.
i don't know what's wrong with my sleep. i am a night owl and a late riser.but sometimes i just skip my office due to oversleeping. it not like that i don't hear alarm buzzing. inspite of keeping it on snoozing i repeatedly dismiss the alarm and convince myself its not important and go for another round of sleep that lasts not less than 3-4 o'clock in the afternoon.its not that i haven't tried but in the morning i am just a changed personality no matter how rigidly i take oath before going to bed, in the morning i end up convincing myself the other way. i don't get time for breakfast and lunch.and after waking up i feel guilt and depressed about myself... i am kind of fade up of my sleep. doctor prescribes me with sleeping pills for better sleep at night but my main problem is my changed circadian rhythm and i am unable to refix it. please help.
If I had this problem and Drs couldnt fix it, then I would seek a night job, during the hours I am more awake. Graveyard shift sounds good. Then you're up for a while after work and then go to sleep. Sorry but I have no ideas how to fix this.
I do believe that using a snooze alarm isn't helping, only making it worse and more frustrating.
Then again, perhaps your conscious mind and awake self, is fighting with your subconscious mind.
Even while awake, our subconscious mind is always there having a plan and idea of what is best. My subconscious at times acts like a little child as far as some ideas, or fears and worries and the reasoning isn't always sound. However since childhood, I have always talked to myself, essentially to my subconscious when I want to accomplish something. Demanding or telling yourself what to do will result in something like a child digging in their heels and refusing to go along with it. On the other hand, if you can befriend your subsconscious, this is like accepting the subconscious self like another totally different persona inside you, then perhaps the two of your persona's and minds can compromise. It might take asking yours, why it doesn't like sleeping at night like most people. Have a conversation with yourself. I have done it by writing a document, just rambling on as to what comes to mind. Often its a lot of questions or guesses like "I wonder if there might be some silly fear deep within that once taken care of, I will no longer fight myself and be able to sleep when I want.
Our minds are more powerful than we give them credit. In energy healing for example, when I picture the healing in my mind, the other person feels it. Since you stated "I end up convincing myself the other way," this is my best guess as to what is going on, that on a mind level, there is two opposing forces fighting, your subconscious with your conscious mind. Its hard for most people to just start on their own having a relationship reaching their sub and treating it as you would your best friend, not running the show but compromising on whatever you both do, encouraging when your sub is scared about something, etc. If you feel thats too much for you, then I know another way to reach ones subconscious is to go to a good hypnotist, one who is also a psychologist and understands the psychology of how both minds work. The hypnotherapy might help to put you in touch with your subconscious and discover why you both are fighting each other on this. Sorry, I don't have any other ideas.
Hello,
I'm from Brazil.
I need to clarify that i'm a girl, who had a relationship with another girl, so if thats not something thats not approved here, feel free to not answer.
We broke up a year ago (or more) and yesterday she talked to me and apologized for everything that went bad in our past relashionship (and it was a lot, not just her fault), I did the same thing and then we talked about how our lives were going for the most of the day. Today I started a conversation about a random subject, but that was quick and then we didnt talk for the rest of the day. Now I'm not sure if she just wanted to apologize and that was it, or try and be friends again (which we were before we dated). I dont tend to start conversations and as I did it today, I was wondering If I should try it again tomorrow to see how that goes.
And she has a girlfriend now, even If I dont like her like that anymore its still a bit weird.
Sorry it's so long and superficial, thank you for taking the time if you did.
I'd have the same thing to say as Razhie did with one thing added. I don't know how well you know the new mate or not, but this gal may feel really weird with you hanging around as just a friend considering you used to be an ex. It would be the same thing if talking about male boyfriends. The new gf, if she's not totally 100% feeling secure as to her status in the relationship and being self confident and mature, she could feel jealous and there could be trouble with her.
Just keep that in mind so you're not surprised if it happens. Just find out if your ex wants to re-establish a friendship with you and you might also discuss how much time each of you have to spend as friends and how much time each of you need. If she wants this, then realize that any issues the other gal has are entirely her own and you are not at fault. It is something for her to learn to grow more confident and your ex to treat her in such a way that supports her and builds her confidence and security in the relationship. It has nothing to do with you. Don't play the contact game with each of you sending a text or two, then nothing but wait. Either get on the phone for a phone call, a real convo back and forth and ask her, don't guess or ask face to face.
12 year old female. I used to be suicidal majorly, for 2 years I was suicidal. Even had panic attacks. Eventually I started cutting. I cut on my arms, legs and stomach. It got to the point where for a year and a half every night when I took a shower I'd cut myself. It's been 4 months since I've done that and my life got much better. I now have a lot of friends, hobbys and everything is much better now in every area. The only thing is now when I shave I can't without trembling. The problem is hair is everywhere I used to cut using that razor. Now I need to shave with that razor, and every time I do that it reminds me of cutting and it freaks me out and I can't. How do I get over this?
One thing to add in options that
Miss-Ask-It-All listed, is a more expensive one but its longer lasting in the end, is Laser hair removal. I had this done.
I do suggest definately finding another way other than razor for hair removal because you face the same thing a recovered alcoholic does if he's even around someone else who is drinking, the temptation to go back to it is too strong.
12 year old girl. I have been diagnosed with synethesia. I associate numbers, letters, sounds, and names and tastes with colors. I also can taste colors and numbers & letters have personalities for me. Along with mirror touch, it explains why whenever someone got hit in the head or something I felt a sensation I can't ignore. It's always been that way I just never knew it was a nuerological condition, or even that it was something out of the ordinary until I had causually brought up the color of three to my mom who was supprised and my family was all "wait numbers have what." And when I said something tastes like purple to a friend she's like "uhhhh since when do colors have tastes?" And everyone was genuinly confused and I'm just like "what do you MEAN you can't see it?" And I wanna know if any other synethesites have the same experience where if you meditate you can see the colors, tastes, or whatever sense more vivedly? I'm an assosiator but sometimes I can project if I meditate for more than ten minutes. Anyone else?
I dont have it and it's rare enough you may not find anyone on here who has it. But the thing to do would be to connect with others who do have it. As I understand, there are different types of synesthesia depending on which if not all senses are blended. So ones experience may not be the same for you. From reading what others have explained, it can make learning in school quite difficult if in math you see numbers in colors instead. Its almost like having to have a personalized learning program to learn the same others learn but tailored so you can understand. I don't know if that is one of the roadblocks you face but if so, the more help you reach out to get, the better it will be as far as ease of doing the same as the others do, just differently.
The bad thing is I don't see much online in way of support yet. I think it is widely not well known or studied yet. I did see a support group :
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Have-Synesthesia/49076
And assuming you live in the United States, there is The American Synesthesia Association, Inc., a not-for-profit organization, created in 1995 to provide information to synesthetes and to further research into the area of synesthesia.
http://www.synesthesia.info/
Hope this helps
Hi my name is Nick and there's a girl that i like in the grade below me at school (were already good friends). I'm 14 and in 8th grade, and she is 13 and in the 7th grade (age difference doesn't matter to me considering my parents are 6 years apart from each other). I'm planning on actual asking her out in high school but my problem is not that she's in a grade below me, but that she has a LOT of guy friends. She has more guy friends than girl friends! So that means it is almost impossible for me to tell what she feels or thinks of me. She does like to mess with me like occasionally grabbing my things and making me chase her for it or occasionally poking my shoulder, you know to mess with me. So if you have any advice on how to take care of the guy friends problem and even on how to make her interested I would appreciate very much. Thanks!
If she is friendly and messes with all the guys who are her friends, you can't then count on how she pays attention to or flirts with you. You will just have to ask her out.
Sometimes a person of one gender is drawn more to people of the opposite sex for friends rather than the same sex. The same goes for guys who can have mor female than male friends. My husband and I are both still like that. So as the other advice giver said, that is quite normal and nothing to worry about.
If she's already promised to date one of those guys, she'll let you know. But if every guy is feeling unsure or intimidated and none has asked her yet, then she is available for the first one who has the guts to ask her out.
I've heard that sometimes the most popular girls have tons of friends but never get asked out simply because she's not asking the guys out, and the guys are too worried and scared to just ask her out. If she messes with you then she's already interested at least at the level of friend and it could be more. If she was repulsed by some guy, she wouldn't be paying him any attention. The reason why humans don't pay attention to those they don't like or those they aren't attracted to in some way, is because to do so might encourage that person to actually ask the other out and then you are stuck having to either be nice and go out but more likely will be faced with how to turn down the person. So people don't encourage others that they don't like as either friend or possible boyfriend.
My dream job is to be a "senior sitter," where I just sit with someone's elder when they can't.
I want to volunteer and donate all the time, like at animal shelters, hospitals, soup kitchens, etc.
I want to donate blood, clothes and food.
I want to start now, but I don't have my license. With the depression and anxiety I have, I don't have the motivation to study. Can anyone help, please?
This is literally all I want to do with my life. Please help.
Unless you live way out in the country far from any churches, businesses, schools and theres no bus service and a car is the only access to, then you are pretty stuck.
I don't believe thats your situation cus its a very slim one. Most likely you can reach somewhere in a 15-20 minute walk or half hour or by bus. If thats not possible, start going door to door to eldery people who live at home cus its a guaranteed thing that there is work to be done that is getting really hard for them and you can volunteer to help them.
I used to be a paid caregiver for the elderly and those who have medical issues, you couldn't sit with as a volunteer unless you've been trained to be able to help them correctly with all their needs, not just sitting keeping them company but how to aid transferring them from wheelchair to potty for example or what to do if they have a seizure for a few examples. But If you are an older child like middle school or a teen, you can always voulunteer for what ever needs need filling at the local elementary. My kids used to attend a K thru 8th grade school and during the school day, 7 and 8th graders were matched up with a younger student who needed help with their work or with a disabled kid to help them. So I am sure that is one of the easiest places to try first. As for soup kitchens, I have been to many since the time I have been homeless and there are many church groups doing this, whole families with children and I am been served food by children ages 6,7 on up. SO there is no reason you can't. Get on the phone and ask your pastor or those of churches nearby if they know of any church based soup kitchens or volunteer groups using other facilities, and ask whom you may call to let them know you want to volunteer.
I know a man who was homeless who volunteered to help and when the church expanded how many neighborhoods they started new soup kitchens, they needed people to run it do the cooking a they are now paying him part time min. wage to do so. If this is what you want to do, you need to start asking around.
I'm a new college student who's tuition was paid in full this semester, but I don't know if my tuition will be paid next semester. I also have two bills I have to pay every month (car payment and insurance) which amount to about $420.
After two months of searching for a job that would work with my class schedule, I finally found a retail management position (which I've worked in management prior) that sounded perfect to me. The job is pretty easy and I love the mall that it's in and I don't dislike any of my coworkers.
The cons are that it barely pays above minimum wage and I wind up going through four tolls there and back every day which are probably going to take another $60 out of every pay check. Annually I'd only make around 8k which is definitely not a lot and I wouldn't be able to pay my tuition on it if I needed to. :(
I feel like it's been really hard to find a job though and I rather like this one.
Should I look for jobs elsewhere or stick it out?
Minimum pay where I am working part time just went up cus I work in a big city. However the rest of county the city is in is 2 dollars less and the county north is now 4 dollars less than what I earn and probably why so many who live north are heading south to come work where I do.
So do some investigative work and check what minimum wages are in different cities, counties.
If its a must that you work and the budget is so tight you can't afford the tolls then you will be slowly digging yourself into a hole. I would wait for the perfect job for after I finish school. Right now, you need the most money you can earn and i am pretty sure it will be the same if in the same mall, shopping strip or same town. YOu may have to search in another direction. Get in the habit of asking people at random places you go if they mind sharing what they earn per hour...even if you dont intend to work there. It'll give you a good idea of what wages are in your area or state and how much they vary. If close to a state line, pay might be more over the border. So start asking when you go to the theatre, out for pizza, the clerk at the grocery... I understand the importance of a job that works with the class schedule. But if you can't afford doing it this way, I must ask if you checked how many of your classes can be switched to other times, day or teachers on a different schedule. If you can get all but one or two switched and the two you need are offered nights, then switch and do how many you can now. Later when done with them, you may have to go to school longer to finish with the last two but if its possible to work a full time 6-8 hr day job and then do the class or two still needed at night, its hectic but can be done and might be a solution for you and enable you to find a part time job during the time you currently go to school now. Thats the only other solution if possible I can think of.