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my friend might think im a lesbian?
So basically im 17 years old and never had a boyfriend, ive had a few crushes here and there but ive never tried to make my crushes more than crushes because of my low self-esteem and social anxiety. Anyways i was the type of person where if someone asked me who i liked i would say no one because based on my school experience whenever you tell someone you like a guy they always tell the guy and i didnt like that. So i would say no one so that they wouldnt know and they wouldnt tell the guy. Now grade 12 and all my friends except me have prom dates because of my social anxiety i dont really have any guy friends i was reallu socially awkward and people would always judge my voice and call me monotone so i wouldnt talk. Anyways its prom season and now my friend keeps on making these jokes for example lets call my friend kenzie and the one making jokes Raychel. So kenzie said hi to raychel and then said hi to me and then when i waved back raychel was like "oooo someones got a girlfriend" i told her that wasnt funny and since shes loud and rumours spread fast people might believe her and thought i was gay not that theres anything wrong with being gay. Then today raychel was like "liar liar pants on fire kissing girls on a telephone wire" and then i asked her to repeat what she said and she repeated everything except the kissing girls part. Just because i havent had a boyfriend before and havent told her who i like doesnf automatically mean im a lesbian what should i do about her and this situation? I believe thay in order to get into a relationship with someone else you have to love yourself first and i dont thats one of the reason why i dont bother with relationships apart from the anxiety and not looking physically attractive in my opinion. I dont know if my friend watched a buzzfeed video to make her assume that im gay because basically the video is about these 3 girls all of them started talking about their crushes and then the bisexual girl told them she didnt know who she liked because she secretly liked this girl, thats not me at all i just dont wanna tell who or anyone who i like (right now i dont like anyone because ive been so focused on just getting into post secondary school that i dont even look at a guys way plus im always home now so i dont go out to see any guys and the guys at my school ive known majority of them since kindergarten so its like growing up with my non-related brothers) please help on some advice on how to deal with this (i know i should just brush it off but me having social anxiety one bad embarrasing thing sticks with me for a very long time) sorry if this seems more of a rant and thank you in advance if you read up to this point
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I was socially anxious with a fear of people when in school years except for last yr of high school when I finally did something about it.
Let me know if you want to know how to get over the anxiety yourself and I'll tell you what i did. I recently read a book by a psychologist who writes the same things I did to get over my anxieties.
So other than the anxieties and not reaching out to meet guys, your only real issues are a friend who isn't very mature and I dont know if you asked her to stop this kind of teasing. If you have and she hasn't stop, then your issue is being friends with someone who is not treating you like a friend and that may be something you can bring up with her. If I were you, I wouldnt worry about what someone else might think. All people have a right to their own thoughts and their ownk conclusions in their mind, even tho they may be wrong. If someone does get the balls to ask you if you are gay, you can either say, no I am not, my friend was just teasing me but let it get out of hand. Or you could have fun with it replying, "Why are you asking? Are you gay and do you want to invite me out on a date? Cus I'd have to dissapoint you. I am straight but decided I would never date in high school (instead of saying because I have social anxiety) unless you want to share that piece of truth. But in the kidding with someone, the news will spread around just as quick that you are not gay because it was told in a funny way and humorous stuff gets spread around just as fast as gossip.
Don't think your the only gal not to date in highschool. None of my 3 daughters did and neither did I. Infact, none went to prom with a guy, only with a handful of 'straight' girlfriends who also had no dates. It's more common than you think and You haven't missed out on much. I like that you feel its important to love yourself self before being in a relationship. You are very perceptive and intelligent for your age. I also feel its important to be a whole person before you can be part of a couple or you tend to lean on the other as a crutch and never grow. In your case its not as much not loving yourself as it is about improving yourself. Also, its quite normal to find many teens with social anxiety and many of us continue to learn and outgrow it after high school and come out of our shell to some extent.
Right now I believe you are more worried about what might happen because of her teasing rather than the fact that others believed and the gay population is inviting you to start hanging out with them.
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Hey! I know the hardest thing is to feel like an outcast at school, especially in high school! The best thing to do is to just keep your head up and find a friend who doesn't care about the rumors. You will find a guy who is just as awkward as you, and it will be great! You are almost out of there! Just finish school and have a good time, whether you go to prom or not. Good luck!
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