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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hello, I am a 13 year old girl. My parents are Catholics and so is most my family (and it's not like the non Catholic ones are outside of Christianity-they are methodists, protestants, etc) but I'm Wiccan, and have been for 4 years. Well, actually, ever since I was really little I never fit in with the church and thought other things, I just didn't find a name for it until later. I do as much as I can to practice my faith. But my parents (particularly my mom) want to force me into it! My mother keeps saying "blah blah blah take the good with the bad!" But if I can find a religion (*cough* Wicca *cough*) that (in my opinion) has no bad why should I settle for something else?! And she keeps talking about keeping an "open mind" but I have and that's why I'm Wiccan! My plan is as soon as I'm off on my own I leave the church (I've done research and found out how), join a coven and say bye bye to Catholicism but I just feel so sick thinking about having to be catholic until I'm an adult. I study very hard in school so I can get my own place and support myself as quickly as I can, and leave quicker. What I want to know is, is this legal (I live in New York) and if it is, how else can I get out of this? Absolutely no part of me wants this.
You have two concerns here to cover:
About parents making you do the Catholic thing
Information about becoming an emancipated teen.
I'll go over the first and let you know that one in Wicca or any other pagan belief, doesn't necessarily have to be part of a coven. I have met more of what they term 'solitary practioners' of Wicca, pagan, druid, etc than ones doing the group thing. That aside, your parents asking you to have an open mind makes me wonder quite a lot of things. Like whether they are just saying that but do not have an open mind themselves, whether like some parents, are not into religion or truly really believers but go out of habit cus they were raised that way, or parents who feel that all children need to have some kind of basic education in traditional religion cus for some reason they beleive it will make you grow up to be a better person. None of those are solid reasons.
However, parents will train their kids, or 'force' them to attend that which they believe is best, even if they may be wrong.
To have it easier and more peaceful, meaning less hassling and nagging, it's best if you just pretend to have that 'open and accepting mind ' and just follow thru the motions. I know you don't believe this way and you can in your heart still do some things for yourself in secret if attempting to do the solitary practioner thing for now.
I feel very comfortable with pagan beliefs myself but I come from a Christian background and am more an eclectic mix of spiritualist and pagan. I know that God and Holy spirit translate for me to God and Goddess or Lord and Lady if you will as some pagan beliefs use those terms. I read that the Holy Spirit used to be referred to as a She but when the Bible was put together by men, they changed it to He. I always felt that the Holy Spirit was the Goddess. So if it gives you any comfort, the Goddess is still with you, even if you don't believe or like the rest of Catholicism. Most of what I do for my faith is all inside of me, thoughts and actions and very seldom do I need or f eel the need for ritual. For example, You can stand outside and gaze up at the full moon, a symbol for the feminine and the Goddess and be having a conversation with her but your parents being non the wiser. Its best to wait until you are of legal age to do as you will or become an emancipated teen. I am out of time here and must go but if you check with Adviceman, I know hes answered on the emancipated teen stuff before and can explain details.
Blessed be, dear.
Hey I just need some advice about my sister. She's 16 and now i am becoming very concerned with her behaviour. It started when she was 13; I thought it was just her teenager attitude but its not getting any better.
First of all the school issue. She never goes to school. She always pretends to be 'sick' - EVERY single week she's got something different wrong with her. My parents were fighting the battle and grounding her every time but now they have virtually given up on that fact so if she stays home they yell at her and thats it. It happens every week. She becomes "sick" and watches Netflix all day. She's even at risk of failing Year 10.
She can't drop out because she doesnt know what she wants to do. Shes been through 3 jobs and she just does 'no shows', stays home and watches tv, and then gets fired. She has no motivation or goals. She is so so lazy. She doesnt want to do anything but she ALWAYS has time to go out with her friends or go to parties and get drunk.
In addition to this her friendship life is horrid. She had a best friend who eventually stopped being friends with my sister because my sister was a bitch to her. Then she got another good bunch of friends and they stopped being friends with because she was a bitch and all she cared about is "boys and getting drunk" Now she has another couple of friends who also just stopped being friends with her because my sister is a bitch! I heard the way she spoke to this girl the other day - the girl borrowed my sisters jeans and asked to keep them for an extra day and my sister straight away goes "NO, GIVE MY F*** JEANS BACK, THEYRE GOING TO STINK LIKE SHIT, I WANT THEM BACK GIVE THEM BACK YOU B****"
I was mortified! I have never ever spoken to my friends like that. She also talks bad about people, she also lost a couple of friends because she told them that they're selfish, all they care about is themselves and that the only reason they wanted to hang out with my sister is to be more 'popular'
She has no respect for anyone - the way she speaks to people is disgusting. Shes lazy, irresponsible, and rude. I dont know what else to do. My mum has come to the conclusion that shes a sociopath. But i dont know. I thought it would get better as she got older but its getting worse
I will mention an article I read a few years ago that may relate. The Moms interviewed said their daughters changed around 13 or puberty and it was like they became a totally different person. It was about two extremes, the one like your sis, mean, swearing, wanting to skip school and get in with the bad kids, drinking/drugs.
The other extreme was girls who instead of just being sad ended up depressed.
The normal usual character for these girls was nice and sweet and now its like they
are another person. These parents took their kids to the Dr. I don't know how the parents or Drs. thought to check for what was causing it but in a great amount of cases, these poor gals couldn't help being how they were and it was all due to their hormones being way over the limit, too much which causes extremes of the usual emotional stuff females go thru starting with puberty and thru the teens. I had it, my 3 daughters had it, its what happens. So you might let the parents know about this and see if they want to get her hormone levels checked. A Dr. can recommend a simple med. for her teen years until her hormones level out naturally when older, thats if this is the cause.
Then again, she may be rebelling for something that in her mind sounds like a solid reason to do so. It might be a good idea to have a counselor see her. They can determine whats wrong if it wasn't the hormones and your Dr. ruled that out.
If its the first issue I mentioned, remember its not her misbehaving, its the overload of hormones that turns her into someone else. Some girls are just more suseptible. But I agree with Adviceman that she doesnt sound like a sociopath.
It could be the alcohol is bringing out her worst points and I would think it is made worse if high hormones are involved. So while I lean strongly to hormones may be the unlaying issue that needs treatment, al-non teen version would also be a good idea. But I don't think that drinking alone is what caused this to start. If you could have your sweet sister back and a trip to your Dr. and checking the hormones will fix it, I would certainly urge the parents to do so. You can support them but your sister is not in a frame of mind where you can say anything to her that will help. Just be there to love and accept her when its all over if she feels the need for support.
19/F
When I was younger I mostly got along with an even mixture of boys and girls as friends but for some reason whenever I have a guy friend that is really close to me they always develop feelings for me eventually which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've had four really close guy friends my whole life. I'm talking about guys I had known for years at a time and each of them eventually told me that they had feelings for me (not all at once or anything like that, they didn't know each other) and I always feel bad and uncomfortable because I have to turn them all down. Now they all still wanted to be my friend but it just became really awkward for me because after the fact I started to notice more things that they would do that I interpreted as friendly before that I was only just realizing were romantic gestures or they always mentioned it when someone asked if they liked anyone so I was always reminded of it. Honestly it's gotten to the point where I don't feel totally comfortable making friends with guys anymore because the only guy friends I had that didn't say they liked me were already in devoted relationships. I don't mean for that to sound arrogant either because I honestly don't understand why that keeps happening in the first place. I know that platonic relationships are possible with anyone, I specifically seek them out because I'm not looking for a romantic relationship right now but no matter what just when I'm getting comfortable with a guy friend he drops a bomb on me. In fact the other day I was hanging out with a guy I had met on campus. It wasn't a date or anything, we were walking with a larger group of friends and we just happened to walk slower than they did. My cousin noticed us and asked me where I was going and I told him we were coming back from a walk and I realized that he was asking because he thought we had gone out. My cousin left a little bit after and then out of nowhere the guy says he'll walk me back to my room and makes a joke about marrying me. I felt really uncomfortable and didn't know what to do, so I just kind of left really awkwardly and I've been avoiding him since then. I really don't know what to do anymore because I feel really uncomfortable like my skin is crawling and I can't take this again.
If it makes you uncomfortable that they want to hang and be friends after a marriage proposal or vow of love, you need to say something.
If your hetero but dont feel that phermone connection that tells you theres romantic chemistry between you two, you have to make this cleard cus the guys may be thinking that after time has passed that like them, you might feel something.
k
Thats true but it would be only the kind of love for a family member or friend, not the kind for a romantic situation. This happens to folks of all ages and needs to happen, that a person is told.
So you decide at what point you make this clear because if you don't feel it, it wont happen cus we can not change our pheremones to match.
im girl 17, im in 3rd year in high school... i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush that i like him, in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him bc , i felt really relieved after i told him...two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels , during school (we didnt study , we just played games etc), i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him, he repeated it 5 more times :D :D, he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him... then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)...and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church , ..and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and he told not to act nervous before him,
i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online...now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i didnt answear, i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more , i just dont know what to do ? i see him every day at school, we dont talk to each other, and it hurts me so much , what should i do ?
What you might want to focus on is "What am I willing to do." See, you're in the same boat as humans all over the globe who have feelings for someone who when they confess, find the other doesn't have the same feelings in return. This happens to people of all ages and has nothing to do with you being a teen or in Catholic school.
Answering with science: The plain simple truth may be that the two of you do not have that chemistry/pheremone attraction required for two people to get together in a romantic way. This is something that no one in the world can change but wish they could.
As far as emotions, you did mention having a crush too. A person experiencing a crush will valid real and valid feelings for someone. However, as most people having crushes tend to do, most their thought life regarding that person has nothing to do with reality. Everything has to be imagined and is always played out only in the positive tracks, not leaving room for the possibility that the other person may not have the same feelings. So when we crush and imagine what his face looks like when we confess, how it feels to hold his hand, what is feels like to be held and kissed by him, our emotions get very wrapped up in that story line, same as when we watch a movie. We respond with our emotions, depending on the type of movie, in sadness and tears, anger, fear or laughter and happiness if comedy or romance. But we know the story inn the movie isn't totally for real, those are actors and a made up story line but its real to us for the time we focus on it. tHeres nothing wrong with crying at a sad movie, etc... but when we apply the same principle to love in our own life, we are going to be disappointed more often than not when taking our dreams into the real world. And that is where you find yourself.
Males tend to prioritize their lives, unlike what females may think. Some can even multi task. But the prioritizing is important to a male and will change throughout his life to some degree depending on life circumstances, their choices in life, and the wishes and dreams they want to pursue at any point. Think of it like a totem pole with something like school having the top or if out of school, then finding a good job, or working his job. Then below that come other priorities and some males want to make a female o ne of their top 3. They take seriously every obligation. SO if he mentioned guitar, dancing (for many its sports teams) and wanting to focus more on his spirituality, then he is genuinely normal for a male.
I don't find it odd that he wants to focus on being more spiritual. Heres why: If you found a mouse in the cookie jar, would you mistake it for a cookie just because of where you found it? I don't think so. And with humans, just because they attend a church/ church school, live in a rich neighborhood, have a high position in some company, etc, does not mean that they necessarily are a spiritual person, don't have to watch every penny, or know enough to really do the job in a company. So, you may have thought there was nothing that he could possibly do to become more spiritual when there actually is.
He wanted to remain just friends. Some friends like besties, we see more often, other friends we don't see as often and so we shouldn't read anything into the fact that he wasn't online much if at all. I have lots of people on facebook that I don't talk to regularly, or we don't live close enough to get together and have our lives to live so priorities go to a mate, kids, job, home chores and any thing we might be working on in ourselves, plus what we tend to do for down time. You may have differing things you like to do with your free time. He may just not be as into technology as most kids of your generation.
So do you usually keep your FB friends list pretty well maintained, periodically going in to unfriend people? If you do, then deleting him may have been normal if the only people on there are the ones who take the time to chat with you. I have friends who only read what I have posted to know whats going on with me but don't take time to say HI. Thats normal also for FB and other media. I don't delete anyone unless its a guy who seems to be stalking me or something like that. You need to ask yourself why your deleted him.
This brings us to my first question for you...as to what you are willing to do. you feel more like in love with him, he feels only like friends and has made a choice to not date or make a girl one of his top 3 priority in life. And if she isn't one of a guys top 3 priorities, according to a male dating expert who wrote this for women, then the fact is he just isn't in love with him. He may truly like you as a friend but nothing more.
He offered friendship. You deleted him on FB. If you both are truly friends, then he has a right to ask why. That is why he hasn't a clue, cus he's going at this logically thinking this unintentionally he did something wrong.
I understand at the moment you felt cutting him out of you life totally was the best way to handle your disappointment. But I don't think he has a clue yet as to why you really did that. I don't know if you ever explained anything to him at all about all the thoughts in your head and all of what you feel (in detail) or enough so he can put two and two together and realize you deleted him because your feelings for him were so strong that it hurt that he didnt feel the same way. Lets put this situation in reverse.
Lets say your school asked you to befriend someone who doesn't have any friends and you decide to do that with some people, one being a boy you aren't attracted to romantically but you are willing to be a friend. Later he confesses that he is in love with you. What do you say to him if you don't feel that way at all for him? This is a situation that sometimes even has older adults stumped cus they don't want the other person to hurt from rejection by stating the truth that you don't feel for him that way, meaning romantically. What many do to soften the blow is ask if you can still be just friends. Its easy for the one with no love feelings to say but hard for the victim of unrequitted love to deal with. You can't change how he feels. So there are only a few things you can do. One is to do nothing. Explain nothing, don't reinstate him on facebook, and don't go through the motions of a being a friend when you want more.
Of course if you take this action, many may beliece you've become a very snooty person and someone not worth having for a friend and you may risk losing others, and of course, you will continue to feel badly .
YOu could just come clean and tell him parts of the truth. You had a bad day, were upset he wasn't on the internet enough to interact with you so you did something rash and deleted him and then overlooked it. You promise to and do add him back on and staRt talking again and being friendly toward each other at school so it doesn't feel so awkward. This way you won't have to dread running into him at school. You may have no purpose for him in your life, now that you know he isn't interested the same way you are in him, but that is a very one sided situation, one which outsiders looking in might mistake for being selfish...as in "I want what I want anad if I can't have exactly what I want, then you're no good to me, even as a friend or just a fellow classmate."
Is there anything else you can do? I suppose so but wouldn't recommend it. Some people when faced with something in life that hurts or scares them or that they don't like will run away at the first opportunity rather than face and go thru the emotionally difficult times. Hurt and pain always lessens with time until finally in the end, though you may remember being hurt, you no longer feel the pain of it. I have situations like that in my past, even as an adult so I know what I am talking about.
So you could always drop out of school at this point, a yr from graduating or you could ask the parents to enroll you elsewhere for your last yr or homeschool you, all of which they may not have the time for and if public school is the only other choice, they may not want you at such places to begin with. Time to make some decisions. Blessing to you and I hope the pain of rejection will fade for you sooner than it does for most.
I have been seeing some cute pictures of people making a 365-days note jar to their loved ones and I am in dire need of some really cute suggestions I can use or take note of while trying to make one for my girlfriend whom I also intend to marry. She currently lives miles away from me and since we don't get to see each other as often as we used to, I'd love to make/write her short notes to read with different colours for different purposes/occasion. I need some cool suggestions that would make her love and miss me daily as much as I love and miss her too.
Thanks in anticipation.
If you intend to marry her, there must be a lot you love about her that isn't just skin deep. If I asked you right now to tell me why you want to marry her...what makes her stand out from the other girls, it wouldn't be just one thing but a big mix of smaller things that all add up to make who she is so special to you. Whats hard is to dissect and isolate all those smaller but important things so you can write them down.
So take a day, starting from when she first wakes up and proceed from there.
Some people don't wake up looking too good in the morning, but if she does, compliment her on it.
"How can someone wake up looking so beautiful in the morning." or at the end of day when its time to sleep, "I love to watch you sleep. But I don't know why its called beauty sleep when you're already beautiful. In your case, the sleep must be called redundant sleep, meaning it's not needed for you to be beautiful." You may use that last one. An old boyfriend told me that one.
Does she have a favorite food, or favorite breakfast. If so, and you have come to love it too, or she's come around to love your favorite food then..."Every time I eat (describe food) I think of you since it is a favorite of yours and dream of the day we can sit across from each other sharing that meal."
Come up with your verses based on going thru a day is one technique. Also if she has any traditions you like for special days and Holidays. "It's getting closer to Thanksgiving and I am dreaming of that cranberry orange bread you make for the Holiday. In fact, as I focus on it, my tummy is already grumbling. I want that bread, but not as much as I want you." And lastly, focus on things you can say about the character traits of hers that you love. As you mention each, come up with a little to say about it so it isn't just a short sentence. "Patience could be your middle name because you are the most patient person I know. Heres hoping that when you're hanging out with me again that I don't somehow cause you to lose that."
As you are out and about during the day, when your mind isn't so focused on coming up with sayings, they will come easier to you. As they do, jot them down on your iphone or on a small pad of paper and you can fine tune the saying later. I have never tried 365 sayings and it would take even me, quite some time.
Since its not sending these notes via the internet but actual notes and a jar...think of some kind of jar big enough to hold them all but a jar meant for another use like a cookie jar she can use once all the notes have been read. Be creative. Store the note you want to wr ite on in a zip lock with some incense or cotton ball with a drop of essential oil on it. The paper will absorb the scent which will last a long time. So does she like certain scents, like Rose, Lavender, Lily of the Valley? The scent makes the note more special plus gives you an idea on what to say. "You are more beautiful than a garden full of (name flowers) or "I will never give you cut flowers that die, only live ones that we can plant together to commemorate our lasting love for each other."
If she has a favorite flower, press it to add with a note, do the same with a colorful autumn leaf. Use different colored gel pens. Try and find the ones with metallic or glitter as they stand out more for the writing. Buy a short piece of lace and glue it like a border around a note. Then you can say, "Instead of a note in lace, I dream every night of you in lace."
I hope this has given you enough ideas to get started. Good luck and happy marriage to you.
Hi, my name's Nick. I'm 15 years old (male) and I'm in love with my 14 year old friend (female). She likes to mess with me a lot, like one time she jumped on top of me to get me down on the ground to see who has the most strength and she likes to grab my stuff and make me chase her for it; and our personalities are SO SIMILAR! She was recently tipped off by a (not anymore) acquaintance of mine that I liked her and she ACTUALLY believed him! We had a long and award messages chat (I couldn't see her in person as she was on vacation) She said that it was pretty obvious to her that I liked her after which she apologized for not being able to hang out and I was reassuring her, telling her how she shouldn't AT ALL be sorry. But during our chat after those events occured she told me that she has a boyfriend which I find weird because she's never mentioned a boyfriend before and she always says she's going to the movies with him. ALWAYS! Even on weekdays! I used to see her practically every day and now suddenly out of the blue she's SO BUSY?! I feel that she's avoiding me even though i already know she's not but that doesn't change the fact that it hurts. I know you're gonna say that I'm too young to know what love is or that its just "want" getting the better of me but frankly I DON'T CARE! I LOVE her and I would NEVER IN MY LIFE hurt her because of my "want" or anger I would for whatever reason have toward her at the time. IF IT HELPS PLEASE NOTE THAT I LIVE A 3 MINUTE WALK FROM HER HOUSE. Any Advice? (sorry its so long)
I will agree that mentioning she has a boyfriend, mythical tho he may be, just might be a ruse she is using to keep you from getting any idea's about you and her. However, the fact that she'll go after you first, taking your stuff to make you chase her and considering the age, tells me that she likes the interaction with you or she wouldn't be egging you on that way. My twist on this is that whether she really likes you as a friend or something more, she is at least trying to be cautious or perhaps scared cus this is new territory. For younger teens who may not have dated this is a time of life when we all start having romantic interest in another but having little experience, have no idea how to have a normal dating relationship. Girls always have to worry about a guy wanting sex long before she may be ready when all she wants in the beginning is getting comfortable with and enjoying certain things very slowly. By listening to other females, she may have heard the horror stories. Since you're already friends, she might trust you as just a friend but anything beyond that, she may have no idea what to expect from you or how to act if you were to become boyfriend/girlfriend.
You both have the perfect situation to learn about the opposite sex being already friends. If she truly is having feelings for you, she's just scared to act on it beyond what she's done.
I feel a talk might be good but don't confront her on what she is doing or any fibs she may be saying. I would ask that since you're both friends, you wondered if you both could practice with each other how to understand the thinking and reasoning of the opposite sex, practice dating techniques, hand holding flirting, maybe kisses, but most of all creating your own learning arena where its safe for both of you with no pressure for sex. That is something for the future. If in the practicing, you both fall in love, (never mind telling her you feel that way now or it will put pressure on her and scare her-same goes for adults) then you will become an official couple. But if the both of you end up going different directions in dating, at least you'll have the memories and the experience gained.
I am 18/F
I have been feeling kind of off emotionally/mentally for about 5 months
In the past couple weeks it has gotten much worse. I cry nearly every day. I feel lonely a lot unless I am with my friends. I am a Christian but I don't really know if I am anymore.... like I believe but I don't act on my belief. I always want to be alone in my room when at home but then get unbearably lonely.
Yesterday, I was home alone and had a breakdown that scared me a lot. I was working on packing because I am going to university, but I really didn't feel like packing. My room was a disaster so I went to sit in the living room with my laptop. While sitting there, I got this sudden wave of negative emotions. I wanted to scream, and tried to, but couldn't. I subconsciously started digging my thumbnail into my arm, and by the time I noticed I had almost drawn blood. I suddenly realized that I was very tempted to do that over and over. By that point I was crying and shaking. I was terrified that I would hurt myself badly or break something.
I eventually texted a friend and asked if I could go to her house because I was afraid of what would happen if I was alone for 3 more hours. (I didn't tell her that, I just asked if I could go over) she asked if I was okay and I just told her I was lonely and bored. I wish I had told her more but I hate talking about my feelings. I have been feeling off for months and never told anyone. And now I am going to university and won't see my friends for months
I don't know what to do with myself
Also, this is not the first time I have done that with my thumbnail, but usually I don't go far enough to bleed. Also occasionally I will scratch myself(in a very small area) until the skin is raw enough that it will scab over later.
I don't know what I am asking but maybe someone can figure out what I need.
I have a daughter who at 17 was feeling like you, very depressed. I was the kind of Mom who had private daily chats with each of 3 daughters and they were comfortable talking to me about any of their issues....except for one...there were no signs and the daughter hid it well, but she suffered silently in depression and never told anyone. It wasn't until she had a baby at close to age 22 that post natal depression kicked in and pushed her over the edge where she feared harming herself or the baby and began to see a professional for that.
I still live with the knowledge that she suffered while I thought all was okay and there were no signs. and believe me, I was looking for all sorts of signs for depression, that my kids may be on drugs, etc. I know better than to blame myself as I was doing all I could. NOt all parents may feel that way. Your parents need to know so they don't live with guilt in the future wondering if they could have helped you somehow.
As far as ones faith, I simply have a hard time praying to God to heal me when I have caught a simple viral or bacterial infection and feel so crummy that I can not focus on prayer well. I do so but it feels like I am doing a poor job. The good thing is God knows your needs before you even ask. A simple 'send angels to comfort me right now or God, help my body to heal faster and give me a clear healthy mind again asap. You dont need a long drawn out chat with God.
I can't know what is causing this for you. And sometimes, we would rather not know what it is cus knowing is even scarier. But what is actually scarier is not getting diagnosed and treated, even if its something really simple that can easily be corrected, but end up so depressed one commits suicide. Talk about guilt for parents...this is one of major reasons why happy married couples break up, the loss of a child at any age. Yes, you need to think about yourself but realize that whatever you do or fail to do to get help, will affect those around you, those closest, family, relatives and close friends.
It may be a little of being scared to leave the comfort of home and a routine of high school and friend you are familiar with. Change is scary for everyone. Its just that some of us are better at hiding it when we are scared but forcing ourselves to do what we know we need to do.
Since this hasn't been an ongoing thing for the past couple years, but recently as the time to prepare for college draws near. You may not actually consciously feel afraid, but it may be affecting you more at a subconscious level which can bring on the behavior you mentioned but without you fully aware that these fears or uncomfort is what started it. What caused it to get so far out of hand? I am not a medical Dr. But I know from experience and reading up on it, that if our thoughts are not the best, then any actions that follow will be the same or worse. So negative or distorted thinking or self defeating thoughts can all cause a person to exhibit negative, unhelpful actions. You do need to talk to someone. Get used to it first by perhaps talking to your friend. Then take the step to tell your parents so they can help. Students while in college can often still be on parents healthcare plan until they finish college so this may be something they can help you with. I would also suggest that your parents look at this website of a Psychologist who now teaches thru books about the existance of non medication methods to deal with this. Cognitive behavioral therapy. There are even some counselors who are doing this too. You need to find a professional who uses this method of CBT to help you. It may be a bit of anxiety. Heres the site to share with your parents so they can help you get hooked up with the right person. I'd ask on site for referral to Drs. in the area of your college so you can go to appts. easily.
https://feelinggood.com/
I don't beleive you have the clinical depression my daughter has that requires medication but there is always a chance as these kinds of things seem to start in the teens. But since it hasn't been long and coincides with you going off to college, Its more likely something that is going to be temporary and short term if dealt with professionally in the right way. Please don't remain silent. YOu're not in a state of mind to get the help yourself as you are frozen in this state. Tell the parents and allow them to help you but DO tell them of Dr. David Burns website as they need to know this to make the best possible connection of help for you.
Good luck and God bless!
I am from India. I am in class 8. In class 7, I had lied to my friends that I play drums. Today they formed a band and as they could not find a drummer they asked me. I had to agree otherwise they would think that I am a lier and would never talk to me. Now I am completely confused what to do. I could have learnt drms in a month by practising well but drums are so costly that my parents won't buy a drum set for me. What should I do now?? My friends also told me to send a photo of my drum set in Whatsapp. Please reply what to do.
Honesty is always the best policy. I know it would be embarrassing to tell your friends that you made it all up. If they are serious about creating a band and perhaps when older getting jobs playing at various places for pay, then they need to know that you do not have any drums. You could continue to attempt to fool them with sending fake drum photos but when they ask you to show up with the drums and you don't and you keep making up reasons why you can't come, eventually they will give up on you and ask someone else.
Or, you could tell them that the reason you said you had drums was because you were afraid to be different and the only one without an instrument to play in a band. Also that you value their friendship and were afraid of losing their friendship so you pretended. But you don't have one since your parents can't afford one and you also haven't had any drum lessons. If you felt this would make you more popular, whatever the reason, just explain to them why you did it. They may be upset with you for a while, but in time I think they may actually get over it and admire you instead for having the bravery to come out in the open about your lie. There are many grown adults who still are unable to confess to any lying. If you can and they want to still be your friend, this can soon be behind you.
Now as for percussion instruments, one doesnt always need to have a drum set. I have been to a concert where one band member played a plastic garbage can. I do not make that up, its true. If you like tapping out a beat, try doing so on different objects until you find some sounds you like. Even cups slapped upside down on a table will make a great background sound.
Heres a link to a video. Although called the cup game, it can be played to any sound you like. A plastic cup is best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grb1oa72kmk
Next, a school band playing garbage cans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooAoGmkEDZo
and last a guy on the street playing with various things to do a drumming performance. It sounds as good to me as a real drum set.
Bands that can afford real drums are actually choosing to play something like this because it makes them unique if it sounds good.
I think the only thing you'd need to purchase is real drum sticks. Start now and keep trying the sounds of striking different items and how they sound with bottom on a table or ground or elevated a couple inches off. Get band members and friends and friends opinions on which items make the better sounds and start collecting what you want to practice on. You may not even need drum lessons. I have a daughter who is musically inclined and plays wind instruments, many kinds. She taught herself starting at age ten to play a keyboard, Then one day as a young teen about your age, she walked into a music store, never having had a lesson and asked if she could try the drum set on display. The shop keepers and customers clapped and said it was very good and asked how many years she had lessons. When she said, no lesssons, they were even more impressed. Some people have the rhythm and others may have to work harder with practice to achieve the same but it can be done. Good LUck.!
Is it normal to subconsciously convince yourself that everything negative that you feel is just made up?
I'm a recovering self-harmer and have been since December 2015. Every single time after I relapse or have a bad day, a little voice in the back of my head always says things like: 'You're just pretending to be sad for attention' or 'If you were actually ever sick, how can you be okay again after a while? See? You're just making it all up and exaggerating everything' or at least something along those lines. Does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know why this happens?
Psychologists will call this Self Defeating Thoughts, Common Thinking Errors, Negative Thinking, etc...
A thought is a cognition. The way we think is something our emotions and feelings will follow. And when our emotions are mostly really sad, scared or angry...the more negative emotions, then our actions that follow based on our thoughts will also be negative.
Luckily for a few decades there has been a treatment available to Dr.s that is not based on medicine. Many psychologists may still believe what they are trained to do, which is to give medicine which a very small percent of people actually require to feel normal. The greater majority respond to something called C.B.T, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Only some psychologists are offering this therapy. So if you decide to see a professional, make sure their bio says they do C.B.T.
To be honest, all humans do negative thinking at times, our mind will wander while focusing on negative what if's. But we catch ourselves, and stop before it can affect our emotions. I catch myself quite often dwelling on something negative but before I can become scared or depressed on consistent basis, I tell myself this is not true, And I speak aloud to myself the positive truths I wish for instead, even if I can't see them happening yet. The only catch here is that it takes many times more positive thoughts to rule out just one negative one, so a person must be diligent to work on this on a daily basis. The world we live in is very stressful so I find the need to work on being positive and I do so daily in many ways. I have had temporary depression caused by events that made me feel depressed for a day or two but I guess I am pretty strong this way and decided I didn't like the way depression felt and began to search for ways to get out of depression or avoid it. I learned to become so intune to what I felt like inside if I got so upset or frustrated which if I did nothing but dwell on it, I would end up feeling depressed. I do have a list of things to counteract that, but that would be mild depression for a person who does not struggle with daily negative thoughts. I would say it might be best for you to see a professional for that. Good luck dear.
Have you ever tried to implement the services offered by http://www.gardeningnorthside.com.au/landscaping-north-shore/ to take care of your garden if you are not always at your home.?
Good question. Its always good to check on a business or establishment to see if previous customers have had issues or not. However, if you simply want to know if you can trust them to do good work even if you are not at home to keep an eye on them, you may get faster answers by checking out the testimonials tab on that site. Since this advice column originates out of the U.S. I cant be positive that we have advice-givers from Australia let alone if we do, that they have used this particular service. In the U.S. we also have a better business bureau, the BBB to check up on a business. I don't know what the equivalent would be in Australia but you might check with such a service to see if they have any info on this company.
If you simply want to know if its a good idea to use someone to keep up the yard while you are gone...yes I do. I am a gardener myself. The grass grew so fast I had to mow for sure once a week...no taking a week break as the grass would get too high and make it even harder to cut next time I mowed. Then weeds, they come up even faster than your prized flowers and other plantings. To be sure your plants don't get choked out by weeds or have to fight for sun and nutrients with weeds, it is almost a daily task in summer. I was the only one in a family of 5 who would do this work and I often spent 2-4 hours a day just trying to keep it up when I was home every day. So theres nothing wrong with using a gardening service if you want that extra help. Good luck.
I am a 27 year old female and I hear about all these 12 and 13 year olds getting their periods. My middle sister got hers when she was 11 and my oldest sister got hers when she was 12 but I didn't get mine until I was 16 could this be why I have trouble getting pregnant? Thanks in advance.
One more thing to add to advicemans low sperm count explanation. If your guy wears those tight briefs rsther than boxers, you might ask him to switch to boxers before trying the Dr. Farmers know this well when it comes to sheep or other male animals. The ones you don't want imprenating the females, they might wrap the genitals more firmly against the bodies as that extra warmth does something to the production of sperm lowering the count which will right itself in time when allowed to be looser and somewhat away from the body.
As to when a female gets her period, it can be a mash of things starting with the genes passed on to you and for some girls who eat a lot of red meat from animals treated with the growth hormone to make them mature faster for market,....well those hormones can have that same effect on some people who are more susceptible to it and thus they get their periods earlier. Although my 3 girls ate meat, we ate it in smaller amounts, added into casseroles and such, not as a main course, and when I checked with their friends, the ones who ate lots of meat seemed to develop a chest and get periods maybe a yr or two earlier than others, sometimes even 3 years or so earlier. This has nothing to do with getting pregnant later.
I am a 12 year old girl who can't masturbate and need help because I can't buy a dildo
There are some girls wanting or needing to masturbate at much earlier ages these days. And so for you, it means no access to a sex toy store. The reason behind it is that xrated and porn movies are sold there and minors are not allowed to be in an establishment where such items might be seen by you. IT doesn't mean that a 12 yr old cannot have a dildo.
Just for clarification, masturbation isn't strictly putting a dildo in the vagina. Plenty females also have clitoral climaxs either by using their fingers to massage the clit or using a vibrator of some sort on the clit or in the vagina. So if you can find a sex toy in a store that doesn't sell porn, most likely you can buy one. HOwever thats kind of embarassing. So that leaves buying products that are not sex toys but might be able to be used as such. There is a good variety of body massagers sold in pharmacys to relieve tight muscles. SOme are big and some are smaller. These will not be made safe to insert but holding against your clit will be able to give you climaxes. I have heard of young girls using the vibrating toothbrush, without the bristes, against the vagina. Not sure how well it works but I can verify the body massagers do work as I've tried that. Other than that, if you wish to have a proper dildo, its best to ask a female relative who is old enough and with whom you are comfortable enough to ask, to go get you one. I understand how it can be too embarassing to ask Mom. However, if your Mom is an openminded person who has proven she has no problem talking about sex and is not embarassed about the subject herself, she may be very understanding and willing to get you one without any other family members ever knowing about it. Yeah, you dont want dad or brothers knowing about something like that. When my niece was your age, my sister quietly placed a vibrator under the covers of daughters bed when the girl was about your age, 13 i think and so no one else was the wiser. Hope you can figure out something by what I've shared. But be careful with a dildo, go slow, use lots of lube and if it won't go in easily, dont force it. You might have to wait another year or two for that. But there are plenty of nerve ending near the entrance for it to feel good. Your g spot is only about 2 inches inside on the belly button side of vagina and doesnt really need a dildo to give orgasms. Its that rough patch of skin which you can massage with your fingers to get a climax or just to feel good.
My wife was an emotionally abusive alcoholic for years. I have been labeled as worthless an laughed at. She has finally given up the drink, this happened under threat of me leaving and taking our special needs daughter away from her. While at her worse I recorded her behavior. She now says she loves me and wants to put the alcoholism in the past. This is round one of my problem, I can forgive but difficult to forget.
The second round is her past. When we got married, over twenty-five years ago, I was led to believe she had been with four guys, not counting me. With each passing year or so the number increases as she accidently remembers a guy and speaks about him out loud. This was okay at first. As the years have gone by we are at about fifteen. Sadly one was even her father. This happened at age 21. They hung out all day, he flirted, at the end of the day she decided to spend the night. Her mom was out of town, she agreed to the sex. She now regrets what she did but there it is. To conclude, I am turned off now,especially with the recognition of yet another pass sex partner. When I try to talk about it, she laughs and shows no concern. It's been months since we have had sexual relations. She really wants to and says she loves me. But I feel no desire for her sexually at all. What would you do? Am I being to hard on her? I am torn between faking it till I make it or just waiting till it happens on its own. Which could be never.
I have done care-giving in the past but not for family. But I believe just from knowing what goes into that role, that it is very easy for a person to lose any sexual desire for such a person but still love them.
I also had an ex who was verbally abusive but I left after 20 yrs of that. What prompted that decision was talking to the psychologist he got in the end and not hearing a very good promising prognosis since the ex took a very lackadaisical attitude toward really working with the Dr. I can't know if what you have is worth saving. But if you still feel a friendship connection, the emotional connection if not sexual, then it that enough for you? To fight for your marriage?
There are lots of couples who have at least that but it isn't always enough for everyone. I would suggest seeing a couples marriage counselor and thru that if you decide there is anything worth saving you could move on to a counselor of sexual matters to see if any improvement can be had. It may take something such as falling in love all over again. A counselor could help you with what you struggle over of her past lovers. The number of lovers before you shouldn't really matter or affect you. But there are many other things that do and I feel that would be best.
If you feel this is over for you, then why did you give an ultimatum, a threat to leave before unless you felt there was something to stay for? Keep that thought in mind and seek professional help. When you have been abused as you have, like myself in my past marriage, I found I needed counseling too, just for the abuse, and you may need that too, regardless whether you get marriage counseling or not.
I know that mood swings are just a part of periods and all that and I just kinda wanted to get a second opinion and check that it was normal. My periods are quite irregular and a day or two before I start it, I get really severe bouts of depression which leads to suicidal thoughts and self harm 99% of the time.
Is this a normal thing or should I be concerned?
No, that is not normal. This means you will need to be seen by your Dr. We cannot diagnos. We can only share our own stories but even then, that doesnt cure you.
I will share something I read in a medical story once on line.You did not mention your age. If you are a teen, your hormone levels may be too high which often happens to teens. A too high hormone level can cause those normal hormone reactions of feeling irritated to become extreme outbursts of anger or the occasional sadness to become severe depression. Some Moms had stated their daughters became like a total different person. I dont know if this is the case for you but your Dr. can check your hormone levels and if too high treat you for it and that should bring your emotions back to normal and the depression bouts may go away. As with any female related issues, it may be even better to see a gynecologist who specializes in such matters. You could have some form of PMS. I have known a few women who have it and their symptoms vary so its best to see your Dr. and get a proper diagnosis and find what treatment is available. Good luck dear.
this is in response to your answer..thanks a bunch first off, great advice...I did ask him was he single he told me yes and that is when I proceed with the asking him out.....nothing has happened between us. we never went out, he'll massage me here and there or rub/touch the small of my back if he hasn't seen me in a while....ive never told him I know his secret...I do enjoy his friendship but I don't know how he'll take me doing research and finding out what he shoulda told me from the get go, he has a fiancée and he has been with this woman for 14yrs and they have a kid together....my family calls me an infedle....im not screwing this man, even though I know that is his goal and has been for the past 3 yrs, but ive told him he isn't getting any....how do I let him know I know his secret without losing his friendship. or should I just let him go all together and don't speak to him again. I see him everyday though. thx
Sorry. I didn't realize that you had asked him and he answered. I'm not sure now about the solid court-proof evidence you have from your research because that can determine whether you say anything at all, or how you proceed .
And this time you've revealed that he sometimes massages your neck or touches the small of your back. I didn't know this before. These gestures may look innocent but they are another way of conveying information to you and i would call it flirting but it can also be seen as sexual hasrassment on the job, even if a guy doesn't come out and ask you to have sex with him. I too am a person who touches others when I speak but I do not do so in a very intimate manner as he touches you. If it happened to me, regularly, not a one time thing, then I would take it as the guys way of letting me know he finds me sexually attractive and wants to get together. In my books that would be strike 1 against the guy. And that makes me suspicious enough to at least if not consciously, then subconsciously not feel at ease with him as far as wondering about his intentions. If someone touched me that way, and I found I liked it, then I would probably have thought he wanted to date and more maybe. I would want to know if he was single too. Just hearsay from people who are reliable may be true but there are always exceptions to everything in life. So someone you asked may have a silent vendetta against him and saw this as an opportunity for revenge by making up a detailed story to you. Yeah, probably not likely but verbal info isn't enough to truly incriminate a person but photos and video are not as easy to fake. So lets say you found his fiancee on twitter or facebook and viewed photos of him with a woman and child that is labeled as being their kid and they are a couple. Phones messages and texts can be proof too that a person knew the other person in question.
So what if he didn't have a fiancee? Would you be interested in dating him? If he is truly innocent and this is some horrid prank, he doesn't deserve to be accused of lying or flirting with other women than the one he is promised to. Being engaged 14 years is a long time. So I am lost here because I feel there is missing info again. I don't know if you mean where children in some country have the parents arrange a marriage and they are considered engaged/promised to each other until they are of legal marrying age, or wether this is just a guy who is stalling or has cold feet. Its not that hard to forego the fancy wedding one can't afford and just get married in front of a judge so I don't understand why its been a 14 year long engagement. If its not a different culture thing from the U.S. then I would say there may be something fishy going on with the information you gained that he is engaged 14 years.
Lastly you want to know whether to let him know, fear of losing his friendship or whether to let him go altogether. Hon, it really depends on what you want because if you accept his friendship at the office, thats one thing and no problem but in accepting his special ways of touching you, you've sent an unspoken message back that you like and welcome it even if you didn't take it that way. In some companies, men have been called out for sexual harrassment for lesser things and touching a female repeatedly even if she didn't like it but was afraid to say something, is often still seen as sexual harassment. until you believe him to be single, I am sure it will trouble you so you need to at least ask him to stop. You don't have to say why...he must obey that request no questions asked. If he wonders why you could then tell him that since he and you are not an official couple, touching of an intimate nature is appropriate only for that kind of couple which you are not. Let him know right then you are monogamous and will not share any man with anyone else. Then ask him what his intentions are. If you are truly single as you say you are and by single I mean not dating a girl or engaged, then why would you touch me like a husband but not make a move to me in all this time to start dating. I thought about it and figured the two don't mix for just an office friendship. I do enjoy the friendship but you will need to lay off the other stuff unless you are willing to let me meet all your family and you proudly announce to them that I am your girlfriend." In 14 years if his family has not met this gal, something is seriously wrong. Whether this is an arranged marriage they set up or not, he would not be able to introduce you that way to his family without them becoming enraged with his behavior.
You are possibly correct that he has a secret hope of a relationship with you as well, maybe even just for sex. If just for sex, guys want an easy lay, not the one when cheating that they have to work too hard to get. He figures the attention he pays you if not too hard a thing to do for years, hoping that one day it will give him a pay off of you wanting to go to bed with him. He may do this with others too. If you say enough and say the right things, he may realize that just for sex, it's a no way with you because you are no longer going to accept his attentions without saying anything and he could face a sexual harassment case.
Can guys be just friends with a female at work but not interested in her to date or for sex? YES! My husband is a good example. He's had females for friends but he would never touch them as you described. I've had the chance to meet any people he works with and he is always proud to show me off as his wife. It's easy for me to see that there is no longing for, disappointment in the women or jealousy in any of these transactions. He also would not be so dumb as to introduce me face to face to females he is hoping to have an affair with if he wasn't truthful to the gal either and she thinks him single or divorced. That would surely kill her interest in him if there ever was one. So if trying to create an interest in you to be his lover on the side, he will not want you to meet his friends or family.
If he's on the level, he'll have no problem either way, whether he's single and as a gentleman honors your request to not touch you like a lover but is still wanting to remain friends. And he would likely apologize if this is just his personality and he treats most people the same way but didn't realize it made you uncomfortable and then you could enjoy just friendship at work. Or if he doesn't have a fiancee and child and is truly interested in dating you, the only question is whether your company has a policy about dating or married couples not working together in same company or in same department. In order to win you over and cancel out any reservations you may have about him, he'd be willing to be a more open book with you, even if he's the type of person not a man of many words, he should have no problem introducing you to family if he is truly feeling something for you and is not hiding anything.
You do realize if you decide to just up and stop talking to him without some kind of final conversation, he's going to have questions. In the basic way I came up with, maybe someone can think of a better one, you may be able to get your questions answered. Get out the whole truth. So at this stage, if you want to keep things peaceful and not awkward at work, I wouldn't stop a friendship but the terms of conduct for each of you as to what each of you believe in proper for just co worker friends must be spelled out. As in, "I'd love to continue to be just a friend at work and you've said you want to be too. So I am going to spell out what my boundaries are and what I see as acceptable and not acceptable if our friendship is to continue. Let me know if that is acceptable to you, if not, we can't remain friends and I expect you to not approach me for conversation ever again unless it pertains to a work related project we both must handle at certain points.
This may be helpful and may not if I don't still have the entire story but I think I've got enough that something has to be done.
I know how single women can enjoy recieving attention from a male. Yes, it feels good. It can be males we enjoy even just as friends, nothing more. But we have to be careful to not let our need for receiving this kind of attention lead us off track to be willing to tolerate certain behaviors. I allowed a guy to touch me like that at a new temp job without saying anything as he didn't repeat it when I didn't respond to him but i recall being a bit stunned to have a guy who wasn't my husband touch me that way. It temporarily confused me and caused me to take inaction. Once I thougt it over and told the husband that night, I decided if the guy did try it again, I would have to say, please don't touch me, if he didn't get the message when I pull away from his touch quickly. I know you didn't realize that just accepting the touch as friendship was misleading to him as an unspoken message so once you clear that up, you can be free of contributing possibly to this situation. Then again, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference with him depending on the type of person he is deep down at his core. I hope this helps you to think through your situation and decide what to do.
15 // female
One of my friends, Jess, has a boyfriend. The problem is she is telling us that she doesn't like him anymore and wants to break up with him. They have been dating for about 2 months.
The problem is that she avoids confrontation A LOT. (She thinks it's a good thing, but that's another story and that isn't really my business.) So when he asks her to do things, like go to the movies, she says yes, and then she'd tell us how much she doesn't want to. When she does that, I tell her to say no and then she just shrugs it off. She said last week that she plans to break up with him this Friday. Since then he has asked her to walk home together and sit together in class and she has said yes. Looking at the way things are going, it seems like she'll never break up with him and she'll just keep putting it off 'til the next week.
This is her first relationship, she wants to break up with him because she likes someone else.
she asked him if he likes her before she was with her current boyfriend and he said no, now she likes him again, and this is a complete speculation and I could be completely off, but adding everything together I see that
she could have used her boyfriend to make the other guy jealous.
I have been trying to tell her that she should break up with him now before it's too late and he starts to like her more and more while she likes someone else more and more, but she won't listen. I am just going to let her do what she wants to do now but I just felt like I needed to tell someone.
I understand how you feel. While it is disturbing to watch a nice person get treated this way, it may be for a reason. Learning all about the good and bad parts to dating is something we learn best by experiencing. This boyfriend may be a very trusting person, maybe too trusting or gullible as well. He may have trouble with looking below the surface of what a person presents themselves like. This will mean having a problem putting two and two together when she says one thing but does the other. It may have taken him a long time to get up the courage to even approach her and if so, he may not be very willing to go thru that part all over again right now. And this is a good enough reason for him to ignore whats happening when his senses are telling him other wise. Or perhaps he truly has no clue. Time will teach him though. I don't know of anyone still asking someone out or to spend time with them months or years later when they are continually rejected. So eventually he will learn.
Hello everyone, I am from Australia. One of my friends is arranging a beach party. I usually wear solid color bikinis but as nowadays printed bikinis are in trend. I would like to try dollboxx watermelon bikini which I saw at https://www.dollboxx.com.au/collections/watermelon-melon-crush, for the beach party but I am quite worried if it will suit me. Please help me out. Thanks in advance.
Since this was a link on the net, am I to believe that the only place you can get this bikini is by ordering on line? If so, you are taking your chances on the style of top that works best for you. If you can walk into a store and try these styles on (the tops...I know you can't try on the panties for hygiene reasons) then the perfect way to purchase is to try on and do all sorts of gyrations, bending over, twisting torso, reaching with arms to see if at any point the top stays rigid and doesnt move with you in which case, a part of your breasts become uncovered.
As to the color and print, the print is small so it should look good on all people. Its when wearing more fabric and stripes go a certain direction than you get optical illusions of being shorter or wider than you are.
The colors are good because although they seem like the colors of a person with the
"Summer palette" cool pastels, they are just a hint bright enough to look good for those with a winter coloring to their hair and skin. These would be the cool bold colors. Then on the warm side is Spring or Autumn with Spring warm pastels and the latter warm bold colors.
I noticed there are in fact two greens, a lime mixed with regular green and the lime is what makes the fabric work for a spring person.
A Spring person has yellowish to creamy or peachy tone skin and is a light redhead, red in blond or red in light brown. An Autumns person looks best in bold orange and yellow tones, teal or sage or army green with their auburn hair. SO I dont think you can go wrong with the color, just need to get the right size and style for the top.
Hello, I'm 22 and a recent college graduate with my bachelors. I worked retail for four years before I got my present job as a lead teacher at a preschool. It won't be my forever job but it'll give me the experience for my resume which will, in turn, help me get a good job for my degree.
Anyway, per state laws: I cannot be the only adult with my 10 children as there is a 5:1 ratio that I need to follow. So I have an assistant teacher. She's been working here for about two years so she knows her stuff but I also think that she really doesn't like me. I went in this past weekend to take all of last school years things down and put up my own. It took me longer than I anticipated to take everything down so there is more stuff bare than full. I came in this morning so excited for my assistant to see my new bulletin board and everything and she yelled at me for changing the room and making it look bad. When the overtime was offered to change the room over the weekend, she told me that she wasn't coming in on the weekend and that I can do whatever I want. Then she goes and yells at me for doing just that. Today, my kids were painting for their craft and as I was cleaning them all up in the bathroom, one got into a box of toys that I didn't see and my assistant yelled at me and told me that I need to be better at doing two things at once.
I really don't want to confront my boss about it but it's going to make this whole school year miserable for me if she keeps demeaning my work here as well. Plus, I've only been here for about two weeks. I just don't know what to do about her and how to make the situation better. I always ask her how she does things and advise so I don't do anything wrong in her eyes and it always just backfires.
I wasn't clear on whether she's chewing you out in front of the kids or from where they can still see or hear it. Besides the yelling, how its done is equally important. When a team is leading children such as parents, they are taught to show a untied front so that kids don't play one parent against the other. That is needed in your situation too or the kids will pick and choose whom they wish to listen to/follow at the moment even if it undermines your lead or school rules.
So when confronting her about how she is talking and that its not appropriate and won't be tolerated, make sure she understands that any time she needs to speak with you or feels there is a need to set something straight that you may not have remembered, it should be done in private, not when the kids are around and done in a gentle kind tone.
My first reactions like adviceman is that it isn't that she doesnt like you. I also believe she is upset she didn't get your position. I also got the thought that she also just might be one of those few people we meet in life who are truly unhappy in every area of their life and their main purpose in life is to make all those around them even more unhappy than them so they can feel a little better about their life. So don't take it personally, but also dont allow it to go on. Talk to your boss, or whoever hired you if she doesnt change immediately.
Hello im 14 and my boobs are sagging but they also have stretch marks witch gives me low self-esteem please help what do i do ????????
Since often we are more critical of our breasts and private parts than others, it would be good to know whether our shape and or size is normal. Then again, you may be one of those girls who grew boobs when you were in 3rd grade and they truly are huge. When the size or weight gain is very quick in a shorter period of time, stretch marks can appear. Most will disappear over time.
So the concern is all to do with self esteem and how you look or comfort. If breasts are too heavy, even with bra's, over time the straps cut deep grooves into the shoulder and a gal can live with daily back pain due to the heavy upper weight. If by chance you believe you are at any point too large and have complications because of it, like the back ache, its worth looking into whether insurance will cover reducing size but they won't do it as far as I've heard, until a teen stops growing. And you have years of growth ahead if your body continued to change until you are 18-20. Until then, a very good support bra will be necessary. As Razhie said, a dedicated bra store is the best place to go for that. Keep in mind that the larger the bra, most companies don't spend the time to make them cute, lacy, or decorated in some way, they will be very plain. I would still suggest getting the one that fits best and is most comfortable and either you or Mom adding lace appliques, or other designs to stitch on from your local craft or fabric store.
Lastly I will post link to a site that features breast shots of women who have sent their own photo in. It covers the vast array of sizes of nipples, areola's and breasts as well as asymetrical. So you will see that you are not the only one.
http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php
16, female.
So I had this best friend and this year we have been in a different class. I am from Australia so here the school year starts at the beginning of the year. Meaning we have been in a different class since the beginning of the year.
We are in the same friend group, and we are all close friends but her and I (I'll call her Emma), were closer than we were with the others. She was my best friend and I was hers.
One of our other friends who is in her class now is best friends with her, and they do everything together. At recess our whole group sits together and they would always leave to go somewhere else or go to the bathroom to put on eyeshadow.
The girl that she is now best friends with has seemed to be following in my direction. She is now dating the person I was dating, and now she is best friends with my best friend. Now Emma doesn't hang out with me anymore. We don't have sleepovers, we don't do anything together when we aren't in school. When we had to be in partners for things, I would always go with Emma, and now she always goes with the other girl.
I just feel like I don't have someone to tell secrets to or invite over to my house anymore. Just do the normal best friend stuff with.
I don't want to tell her I am feeling this way because then I will feel that I am trying to control her or as if I'm asking her to not be as close with the other girl and be best friends with me again, I can't control what she wants to do because it is her life.
Writing this I realise I sound like a jealous ungrateful controlling teenage girl, and I do realise that I don't own anybody and people come and go, I can't be her only friend. But now we barely even talk anymore and she is always with the other girl. I would just join them both but then I'd feel even worse because they'll just be laughing with eachother and doing things together and I would just be there TRYING to join.
As for the rest of my friend group, they all just aren't like me. We don't share the same weirdness or humour, they don't understand me. Yeah, they're fun to be with but when it comes to problems now I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice or to just talk to.
I love and agree with all Rosalee said. I just would like to point out something about life in general from your story.
So far, your entire life, any kind of friends you've had, have been through some association like knowing them from the same class. This is the same for All people. We tend to get closer to those we see the most often who at the same time are also much like ourselves. It can be who you go to college with also, coworkers at a job, neighbors, church, any clubs, sport teams, etc....
I have read that some of the biggest and greatest changes in a persons character and personality and their maturity, learning all happen as young people...kids yes....but more so in our teens and college years. It isn't really until we get close to age 30 that people have a personal wake up call and begin to decide who they really are rather than continue to be who others want them to be. I didn't wake up like that til my mid 40s.
The result was that my best friend from childhood who lived in another state and we didnt talk much anyways, started chatting with me on facebook and I found we both had changed so much that we were now in totally opposite directions on lots of life issues we believe, our faith, etc.
What helps me when a friend status changes is to remember the following wise quote: Some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Just remember that they can't all fall into the lifetime catagory.
Focus on the good times you had, and try to think of anything positive and good you can take from that relationsnip and use in your life, maybe in helping you find your next close friend. And I agree its important to have someone really close in whom you can confide and trust. My husband is my best friend. So for the future, when thinking about a guy to marry, find one with whom you have a very close friendship...one that is two ways, not just you being his friend but him treating you like a best friend. Of course romance is the next important factor. Sorry for your loss. Hope this has helped a bit. God Bless!
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