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What is wrong with my sister?
Hey I just need some advice about my sister. She's 16 and now i am becoming very concerned with her behaviour. It started when she was 13; I thought it was just her teenager attitude but its not getting any better.
First of all the school issue. She never goes to school. She always pretends to be 'sick' - EVERY single week she's got something different wrong with her. My parents were fighting the battle and grounding her every time but now they have virtually given up on that fact so if she stays home they yell at her and thats it. It happens every week. She becomes "sick" and watches Netflix all day. She's even at risk of failing Year 10.
She can't drop out because she doesnt know what she wants to do. Shes been through 3 jobs and she just does 'no shows', stays home and watches tv, and then gets fired. She has no motivation or goals. She is so so lazy. She doesnt want to do anything but she ALWAYS has time to go out with her friends or go to parties and get drunk.
In addition to this her friendship life is horrid. She had a best friend who eventually stopped being friends with my sister because my sister was a bitch to her. Then she got another good bunch of friends and they stopped being friends with because she was a bitch and all she cared about is "boys and getting drunk" Now she has another couple of friends who also just stopped being friends with her because my sister is a bitch! I heard the way she spoke to this girl the other day - the girl borrowed my sisters jeans and asked to keep them for an extra day and my sister straight away goes "NO, GIVE MY F*** JEANS BACK, THEYRE GOING TO STINK LIKE SHIT, I WANT THEM BACK GIVE THEM BACK YOU B****"
I was mortified! I have never ever spoken to my friends like that. She also talks bad about people, she also lost a couple of friends because she told them that they're selfish, all they care about is themselves and that the only reason they wanted to hang out with my sister is to be more 'popular'
She has no respect for anyone - the way she speaks to people is disgusting. Shes lazy, irresponsible, and rude. I dont know what else to do. My mum has come to the conclusion that shes a sociopath. But i dont know. I thought it would get better as she got older but its getting worse
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I will mention an article I read a few years ago that may relate. The Moms interviewed said their daughters changed around 13 or puberty and it was like they became a totally different person. It was about two extremes, the one like your sis, mean, swearing, wanting to skip school and get in with the bad kids, drinking/drugs.
The other extreme was girls who instead of just being sad ended up depressed.
The normal usual character for these girls was nice and sweet and now its like they
are another person. These parents took their kids to the Dr. I don't know how the parents or Drs. thought to check for what was causing it but in a great amount of cases, these poor gals couldn't help being how they were and it was all due to their hormones being way over the limit, too much which causes extremes of the usual emotional stuff females go thru starting with puberty and thru the teens. I had it, my 3 daughters had it, its what happens. So you might let the parents know about this and see if they want to get her hormone levels checked. A Dr. can recommend a simple med. for her teen years until her hormones level out naturally when older, thats if this is the cause.
Then again, she may be rebelling for something that in her mind sounds like a solid reason to do so. It might be a good idea to have a counselor see her. They can determine whats wrong if it wasn't the hormones and your Dr. ruled that out.
If its the first issue I mentioned, remember its not her misbehaving, its the overload of hormones that turns her into someone else. Some girls are just more suseptible. But I agree with Adviceman that she doesnt sound like a sociopath.
It could be the alcohol is bringing out her worst points and I would think it is made worse if high hormones are involved. So while I lean strongly to hormones may be the unlaying issue that needs treatment, al-non teen version would also be a good idea. But I don't think that drinking alone is what caused this to start. If you could have your sweet sister back and a trip to your Dr. and checking the hormones will fix it, I would certainly urge the parents to do so. You can support them but your sister is not in a frame of mind where you can say anything to her that will help. Just be there to love and accept her when its all over if she feels the need for support.
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I don't think she is a sociopath but she is addicted to alcohol based on what you wrote and perhaps drugs as well. I have seen with young people who are alcoholics that their temperament, outlook, drive to do anything and health declines. They are apt to extreme mood swings and to lash out at people randomly and be extremely selfish.
The problem is either your parents know this about her and have no idea how to help or that they are blind to it or suspect it and don't know what to do. I think they should get her help if she's drinking all the time through Al-Anon that has teen groups and get counsel and help from a physician to try and put a stop to this adversely affecting daily life and functioning.
As far as the school goes I don't think yelling will do a thing. They need t talk to her principal, teachers and perhaps even friends to find out why she isn't going and blames it on illness daily and figure out a plan to get her here and keep her there. At 16 though she has the right to drop out which isn't good.
Your sister needs to be shown what dropping out of school at her age with no job, money or prospects without a diploma will land her and the huge risk she is taking without thinking about it. She should be cut off of phone, Internet, Netflix, computer etc and anything she cannot provide for herself except for food and bed and learn that she's not on the right path.
She may feel sick but it is likely from drinking all the time. Your parents need to stand firm and physically get her to school and back and more importantly help that she may need. You have to be supportive of her, your parents and allow them to work this out and encourage it but stay on sidelines mostly.
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