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Best friend drifting apart
16, female.
So I had this best friend and this year we have been in a different class. I am from Australia so here the school year starts at the beginning of the year. Meaning we have been in a different class since the beginning of the year.
We are in the same friend group, and we are all close friends but her and I (I'll call her Emma), were closer than we were with the others. She was my best friend and I was hers.
One of our other friends who is in her class now is best friends with her, and they do everything together. At recess our whole group sits together and they would always leave to go somewhere else or go to the bathroom to put on eyeshadow.
The girl that she is now best friends with has seemed to be following in my direction. She is now dating the person I was dating, and now she is best friends with my best friend. Now Emma doesn't hang out with me anymore. We don't have sleepovers, we don't do anything together when we aren't in school. When we had to be in partners for things, I would always go with Emma, and now she always goes with the other girl.
I just feel like I don't have someone to tell secrets to or invite over to my house anymore. Just do the normal best friend stuff with.
I don't want to tell her I am feeling this way because then I will feel that I am trying to control her or as if I'm asking her to not be as close with the other girl and be best friends with me again, I can't control what she wants to do because it is her life.
Writing this I realise I sound like a jealous ungrateful controlling teenage girl, and I do realise that I don't own anybody and people come and go, I can't be her only friend. But now we barely even talk anymore and she is always with the other girl. I would just join them both but then I'd feel even worse because they'll just be laughing with eachother and doing things together and I would just be there TRYING to join.
As for the rest of my friend group, they all just aren't like me. We don't share the same weirdness or humour, they don't understand me. Yeah, they're fun to be with but when it comes to problems now I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice or to just talk to.
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I love and agree with all Rosalee said. I just would like to point out something about life in general from your story.
So far, your entire life, any kind of friends you've had, have been through some association like knowing them from the same class. This is the same for All people. We tend to get closer to those we see the most often who at the same time are also much like ourselves. It can be who you go to college with also, coworkers at a job, neighbors, church, any clubs, sport teams, etc....
I have read that some of the biggest and greatest changes in a persons character and personality and their maturity, learning all happen as young people...kids yes....but more so in our teens and college years. It isn't really until we get close to age 30 that people have a personal wake up call and begin to decide who they really are rather than continue to be who others want them to be. I didn't wake up like that til my mid 40s.
The result was that my best friend from childhood who lived in another state and we didnt talk much anyways, started chatting with me on facebook and I found we both had changed so much that we were now in totally opposite directions on lots of life issues we believe, our faith, etc.
What helps me when a friend status changes is to remember the following wise quote: Some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Just remember that they can't all fall into the lifetime catagory.
Focus on the good times you had, and try to think of anything positive and good you can take from that relationsnip and use in your life, maybe in helping you find your next close friend. And I agree its important to have someone really close in whom you can confide and trust. My husband is my best friend. So for the future, when thinking about a guy to marry, find one with whom you have a very close friendship...one that is two ways, not just you being his friend but him treating you like a best friend. Of course romance is the next important factor. Sorry for your loss. Hope this has helped a bit. God Bless!
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It sucks to feel like you are losing a friend, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Being a teenager is hard because everyone is still trying to figure out who they are and where the fit in the world. It can be confusing because someone you got along with one year may be completely different the next and that is because your brain is still developing and your personality hasn't solidified yet. You're still growing and learning and becoming the person you are supposed to be. The way you manage friendships is a key part of who you are and how you handle it in your teens will have a huge impact on the rest of your life. You have to decide what kind of friend and person you want to be. It sounds like you actually have a very mature and healthy approach already.
You don't sound jealous, ungrateful, or controlling. Losing a friend is hard for anyone at any age. You haven't acted out towards these girls, been hurtful, or as some would, lash out at this new best friend of Emma's. For me personally, I never had best friends. I always had a strong group of friends that I could never pick just one girl to be my "best". That is personally how I manage friendships but I understand that it is not how others prefer to do so. However, if I were in your shoes I think I would forget about Emma for the time being. Not forever, but just for a few weeks give her some space. Maybe try and build relationships with the other girls in your group without trying to actively seek a new best friend. Don't think of it as replacing someone but as having a chance to really get to know some new people. Maybe even this new "best friend" of Emma's. If she gets along so well with Emma, chances are you two probably have a lot in common. I know it can suck at first because you feel like they have all of these private jokes and secrets but maybe give it a try. Invite both of them over to your house. Emma will probably appreciate the fact that you are trying to get to know someone she feels close with and it's just a show of good faith.
That being said, if they continue to isolate you and the friendship with Emma continues to make you feel more sad than it does happy, it may be time to revaluate your relationship with her. Do you really want to be friends with someone who makes you feel sad and lonely? Or that doesn't seem to care as much as you do? I know its hard but in the end you need to do whats best for you. You don't have to drop the relationship completely but you don't have to put in effort that is not being returned. Don't be antagonistic towards her or her new friend, of course still be friendly and you can always still be there if she needs you but you don't have to run yourself down over it anymore.
Hope some of this helped!
Goodluck!
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