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my classmate (boy) rejected me after i confessed about my feelings :/
im girl 17, im in 3rd year in high school... i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush that i like him, in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him bc , i felt really relieved after i told him...two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels , during school (we didnt study , we just played games etc), i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him, he repeated it 5 more times :D :D, he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him... then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)...and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church , ..and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and he told not to act nervous before him,
i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online...now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i didnt answear, i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more , i just dont know what to do ? i see him every day at school, we dont talk to each other, and it hurts me so much , what should i do ?
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I think you are worth more than this. Please focus on your own life. Do you have any hobbies you could get into more? Are you particularly good at something that you could focus on sharing with the world? I know you are! The world needs you! If it's meant to be with this boy, it'll be...nothing and no one will be able to stop it - not deleted facebook friendships, not 1 year of no talking, not any competition from other people crushing on him...not anything!
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A 17 year old boy walking away from a 17 year old young lady who has expressed feelings for him and is not involved with any other young lady is very strange. At 17 he should have a severe case of raging hormones of which a serious relationship with a young lady can satisfy. I don't know this young man and there are other ways to satisfy raging hormones other than with a young lady. Being very spiritual is one way and avoiding temptation is in-line with that.
For right or wrong you have done what you can to cut him out of your life as much as possible. Unfortunately you cannot do so at school. If you are in the same classes you can go to the school administration and ask to be put in a different class though you will need to explain why. IF they accept that being in class with him will hinder your ability to learn and absorb what is being taught they will find another class for you.
From what you have written it appears there is no future for the two of you. My mother would tell you to give yourself a pity party and get over him. That there are plenty of fish in the sea and there is someone out there just waiting to meet you so bait your hook and go fishing.
I'm telling you the same thing. Don't waste your time pining over something or someone you can't have. Honestly your teenage years are too short to waste over someone who can't realize what he is missing by being in a relationship with you.
You have this year and next then it is off to college. Where you will meet a whole new group of friends and your high school friends will become less significant as like you they too will be going off in other directions, maturing and seeing new worlds.
You will meet more boys in college and most likely meet the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. This guy is just a high school romance. Don't waste your time pining over him.
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First of all, I just want to say that you are very very brave for telling him in the first place. Me on the other hand, cannot tell my classmate of 3 years that I like him. And you know why I can't? Because I know that he'll reject me just like yours did to you. I don't want to go through all that awkwardness because I still have to see him every single day at school. So in order for you to do what you had done, it takes a lot of courage, which you have. So I think that you will be just fine. It just takes some time. If you were strong enough to confess to him and risk losing him, then I'm definitely sure you are strong enough to go through this, seeing him at school every day. I know it's very hard, and it won't get easier. But you will get used to it. And it will start to hurt less. You need to focus on yourself, your other friends, and I think with time you'll even start to feel ready to talk to him as friends again. You just have to be patient and strong.
Best of luck! :)
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What you might want to focus on is "What am I willing to do." See, you're in the same boat as humans all over the globe who have feelings for someone who when they confess, find the other doesn't have the same feelings in return. This happens to people of all ages and has nothing to do with you being a teen or in Catholic school.
Answering with science: The plain simple truth may be that the two of you do not have that chemistry/pheremone attraction required for two people to get together in a romantic way. This is something that no one in the world can change but wish they could.
As far as emotions, you did mention having a crush too. A person experiencing a crush will valid real and valid feelings for someone. However, as most people having crushes tend to do, most their thought life regarding that person has nothing to do with reality. Everything has to be imagined and is always played out only in the positive tracks, not leaving room for the possibility that the other person may not have the same feelings. So when we crush and imagine what his face looks like when we confess, how it feels to hold his hand, what is feels like to be held and kissed by him, our emotions get very wrapped up in that story line, same as when we watch a movie. We respond with our emotions, depending on the type of movie, in sadness and tears, anger, fear or laughter and happiness if comedy or romance. But we know the story inn the movie isn't totally for real, those are actors and a made up story line but its real to us for the time we focus on it. tHeres nothing wrong with crying at a sad movie, etc... but when we apply the same principle to love in our own life, we are going to be disappointed more often than not when taking our dreams into the real world. And that is where you find yourself.
Males tend to prioritize their lives, unlike what females may think. Some can even multi task. But the prioritizing is important to a male and will change throughout his life to some degree depending on life circumstances, their choices in life, and the wishes and dreams they want to pursue at any point. Think of it like a totem pole with something like school having the top or if out of school, then finding a good job, or working his job. Then below that come other priorities and some males want to make a female o ne of their top 3. They take seriously every obligation. SO if he mentioned guitar, dancing (for many its sports teams) and wanting to focus more on his spirituality, then he is genuinely normal for a male.
I don't find it odd that he wants to focus on being more spiritual. Heres why: If you found a mouse in the cookie jar, would you mistake it for a cookie just because of where you found it? I don't think so. And with humans, just because they attend a church/ church school, live in a rich neighborhood, have a high position in some company, etc, does not mean that they necessarily are a spiritual person, don't have to watch every penny, or know enough to really do the job in a company. So, you may have thought there was nothing that he could possibly do to become more spiritual when there actually is.
He wanted to remain just friends. Some friends like besties, we see more often, other friends we don't see as often and so we shouldn't read anything into the fact that he wasn't online much if at all. I have lots of people on facebook that I don't talk to regularly, or we don't live close enough to get together and have our lives to live so priorities go to a mate, kids, job, home chores and any thing we might be working on in ourselves, plus what we tend to do for down time. You may have differing things you like to do with your free time. He may just not be as into technology as most kids of your generation.
So do you usually keep your FB friends list pretty well maintained, periodically going in to unfriend people? If you do, then deleting him may have been normal if the only people on there are the ones who take the time to chat with you. I have friends who only read what I have posted to know whats going on with me but don't take time to say HI. Thats normal also for FB and other media. I don't delete anyone unless its a guy who seems to be stalking me or something like that. You need to ask yourself why your deleted him.
This brings us to my first question for you...as to what you are willing to do. you feel more like in love with him, he feels only like friends and has made a choice to not date or make a girl one of his top 3 priority in life. And if she isn't one of a guys top 3 priorities, according to a male dating expert who wrote this for women, then the fact is he just isn't in love with him. He may truly like you as a friend but nothing more.
He offered friendship. You deleted him on FB. If you both are truly friends, then he has a right to ask why. That is why he hasn't a clue, cus he's going at this logically thinking this unintentionally he did something wrong.
I understand at the moment you felt cutting him out of you life totally was the best way to handle your disappointment. But I don't think he has a clue yet as to why you really did that. I don't know if you ever explained anything to him at all about all the thoughts in your head and all of what you feel (in detail) or enough so he can put two and two together and realize you deleted him because your feelings for him were so strong that it hurt that he didnt feel the same way. Lets put this situation in reverse.
Lets say your school asked you to befriend someone who doesn't have any friends and you decide to do that with some people, one being a boy you aren't attracted to romantically but you are willing to be a friend. Later he confesses that he is in love with you. What do you say to him if you don't feel that way at all for him? This is a situation that sometimes even has older adults stumped cus they don't want the other person to hurt from rejection by stating the truth that you don't feel for him that way, meaning romantically. What many do to soften the blow is ask if you can still be just friends. Its easy for the one with no love feelings to say but hard for the victim of unrequitted love to deal with. You can't change how he feels. So there are only a few things you can do. One is to do nothing. Explain nothing, don't reinstate him on facebook, and don't go through the motions of a being a friend when you want more.
Of course if you take this action, many may beliece you've become a very snooty person and someone not worth having for a friend and you may risk losing others, and of course, you will continue to feel badly .
YOu could just come clean and tell him parts of the truth. You had a bad day, were upset he wasn't on the internet enough to interact with you so you did something rash and deleted him and then overlooked it. You promise to and do add him back on and staRt talking again and being friendly toward each other at school so it doesn't feel so awkward. This way you won't have to dread running into him at school. You may have no purpose for him in your life, now that you know he isn't interested the same way you are in him, but that is a very one sided situation, one which outsiders looking in might mistake for being selfish...as in "I want what I want anad if I can't have exactly what I want, then you're no good to me, even as a friend or just a fellow classmate."
Is there anything else you can do? I suppose so but wouldn't recommend it. Some people when faced with something in life that hurts or scares them or that they don't like will run away at the first opportunity rather than face and go thru the emotionally difficult times. Hurt and pain always lessens with time until finally in the end, though you may remember being hurt, you no longer feel the pain of it. I have situations like that in my past, even as an adult so I know what I am talking about.
So you could always drop out of school at this point, a yr from graduating or you could ask the parents to enroll you elsewhere for your last yr or homeschool you, all of which they may not have the time for and if public school is the only other choice, they may not want you at such places to begin with. Time to make some decisions. Blessing to you and I hope the pain of rejection will fade for you sooner than it does for most.
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