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Parents don't let me out of the house?
I'm a 17 year old female and my parents never let me out of the house. I'm in university now and a part of being a freshman was the frosh week, I paid my own money to go and because of my parents I only attended 3 out of the 10 days of frosh week, also the days I attended there were parties that started around 8pm and ended at 12am, of course my parents didn't let me go to any of them. My mom made it clear I had to leave campus by 6pm because it wasn't safe to stay on campus at night, yeah I know it's not safe but the parties were patrolled by police officers and to move around the campus at night there's a security program the school has that you can call to escort you to wherever you wanna go. There was another frosh event to go to the beach originally my mom said no because since I can't swim there was no reason for me to be at the beach but I had to beg and plead for her to let me go because I only went to frosh for 2 days, she finally let me go but that was the last day I was ever allowed to go again, now today's the last day and it ends with a boat cruise and my mom said I can't go because it's a boat, like wtf? She's always thinking of the worst case scenario, how am I supposed to survive in the real world when they're always sheltering me? Because of her my sister and I are afraid to walk down our own street by ourselves because right when high school started she would usually walk with us to the bus stop even when I told her to stay home. She expects me to be able to talk to strangers boldly but then keeps me locked in the house, she usually only lets me out the house if I'm hanging out with the friends I've known since elementary school. i wish I lived on residence I would've had more freedom, what can I do to help my mom stop thinking of the worst case scenario? because being sheltered isn't always a good thing
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It sure sounds like anxieties and phobia's to me. However I can't believe that both parents suffer the same thing. Maybe one and the other just got so used to going along with it and supporting them that they don't see this as odd behavior.
So whomever, if not both, could use the help of a psychologist, one who knows and believes in certain treatment practices that can stop the distorted thinking that causes fears or encourages certain anxiety ridden actions due to the thinking.
While it is good to be careful these days, the parents are doing you a great disservice by applying their fears to you, not allowing you the chance to learn any adult responsibilities or decision making of your own.
There's not much to do but wait until you are 18 at which point you are considered an adult and can make your own decisions without their approval. There are 2 catches though.
1. if you are living in their home still while going to school, you must still obey their rules of the house as you would with any landlord where ever you rent. If they want quiet after 10pm, you follow that rule. If you are not allowed to bring a boyfriend over, you follow the rule. If you want your total freedom, you'd have to change where you live, perhaps renting a bedroom in a house near the University is probably the cheapest.
2. If they are paying for your college, then all the control is in their hands. They could do as plenty of parents have done, give ultimatums. THe usual is to do exactly as they wish on EVERYTHING they say, or they will pull the funding for any further schooling. Yes, I've read from others whose parents threatened to stop paying for college if the girl did not obey every one of their rules, no matter how dumb or weird their fears are. I have not yet read of any parents doing the same to a son, just daughters.
It think it has something to do with being females, in some ways the weaker sex and easily preyed upon, rape, date rape, or simply having sex with a boyfriend and getting pregnant. Then theres the fear of losing you to death, or for some other reason.
ITs a terrible situation when an adult child has to choose between having a place to live, and college paid but having the parents instill control over you or choosing to put school on the back burner to do later, get a job now, get your own place or with a roommate and start living your life on your own. You may benefit greatly from selecting any older adults like your parents age, as your mentor and adult friend to go to for help with the things you should know but the parents never allowed you to learn as a teen. I would suggest someone you feel really comfortable with, accepted and loved, who is a stable and intelligent, friendly adult to use as your sounding board. You could just continue to write here but i know it helps to have the real person there with you. Perhaps an aunt if she wont side with the parents, or a teacher or counselor at school, or perhaps there is a girlfriends parents who have always shown some favoritism towards you and are good parents. You could ask and I am sure they would feel honored to help you out with advice that you may need on a more constant basis for a while if you are trying to establish your independence.
If you only just turned 17, a teen who can be totally responsible for themselves, housing job and paying all their own bills, etc. can go thru the court system to become an emancipated teen but its a legal process and make take time and depends on whether the court accepts whatever reasoning for you wanting that status and you may turn 18 long before they are even ready to grant that. I am sorry for your situation and realize my answers won't instantly solve your issues with the parents but they are the kind of issues that can't be solved easily. I wish you the best outcome on this.
If your parents are paying for your college, they
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This is SO tough. I really feel for you. It sounds like your mom has an anxiety issue of some kind, that she may not be ready to acknowledge. Do you believe in a higher power? A power whose lines are open 24/7 to listen to you no matter what the circumstance, and help you achieve your dreams? I would start speaking with that power :) Good luck to you!
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If it's any help I agree with you and I am someone who has raised my family and been through the worries of letting my children leave the nest and try their wings. I will admit to you that as a parent it is scary for the world can be a terrible place. Even though we try to prepare our children they may not be ready to handle everything.
Your mom is definitely being over protective and will continue to be so when you turn 18 and she loses the legal control she now has. I predict that mom will continue to exert her control through financial control such as paying for college.
There is not much you can do now to stop your mother from controlling you. You could call child protective services and report her as an abusive parent which being over protective fits. Though frankly by the time CPS reacts you'll be 18.
What I suggest is a better way to spend the time between now and your 18th birthday is preparing to mute moms influence over you. You could spend the time between now and your 18th birthday finalizing student loans to pay tuition, books and dorm fees. Yes you can live on campus even though you are within commuting distance. Find a good part time job to provide the money you will need for other expenses. Take the financial control from mom and she will not be able to control you as at 18 she loses the legal control she has over you now.
Loading yourself up with student loans is not the best solution though it is a means to an end. For if you don't cut the strings of control that mom has now she will control you for the rest of your life; even when you marry and have a family of your own. I know for I have heard the words. "What do you know about raising a family have you ever done it, I have." You don't want to hear those words. So cut those strings ASAP even if it means taking on student debt it’s not the worst thing in the world, 80& of students graduate with significant student debt.
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