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Wife as abusive alcolic also had sex far more times than I was told.
My wife was an emotionally abusive alcoholic for years. I have been labeled as worthless an laughed at. She has finally given up the drink, this happened under threat of me leaving and taking our special needs daughter away from her. While at her worse I recorded her behavior. She now says she loves me and wants to put the alcoholism in the past. This is round one of my problem, I can forgive but difficult to forget.
The second round is her past. When we got married, over twenty-five years ago, I was led to believe she had been with four guys, not counting me. With each passing year or so the number increases as she accidently remembers a guy and speaks about him out loud. This was okay at first. As the years have gone by we are at about fifteen. Sadly one was even her father. This happened at age 21. They hung out all day, he flirted, at the end of the day she decided to spend the night. Her mom was out of town, she agreed to the sex. She now regrets what she did but there it is. To conclude, I am turned off now,especially with the recognition of yet another pass sex partner. When I try to talk about it, she laughs and shows no concern. It's been months since we have had sexual relations. She really wants to and says she loves me. But I feel no desire for her sexually at all. What would you do? Am I being to hard on her? I am torn between faking it till I make it or just waiting till it happens on its own. Which could be never.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I have done care-giving in the past but not for family. But I believe just from knowing what goes into that role, that it is very easy for a person to lose any sexual desire for such a person but still love them.
I also had an ex who was verbally abusive but I left after 20 yrs of that. What prompted that decision was talking to the psychologist he got in the end and not hearing a very good promising prognosis since the ex took a very lackadaisical attitude toward really working with the Dr. I can't know if what you have is worth saving. But if you still feel a friendship connection, the emotional connection if not sexual, then it that enough for you? To fight for your marriage?
There are lots of couples who have at least that but it isn't always enough for everyone. I would suggest seeing a couples marriage counselor and thru that if you decide there is anything worth saving you could move on to a counselor of sexual matters to see if any improvement can be had. It may take something such as falling in love all over again. A counselor could help you with what you struggle over of her past lovers. The number of lovers before you shouldn't really matter or affect you. But there are many other things that do and I feel that would be best.
If you feel this is over for you, then why did you give an ultimatum, a threat to leave before unless you felt there was something to stay for? Keep that thought in mind and seek professional help. When you have been abused as you have, like myself in my past marriage, I found I needed counseling too, just for the abuse, and you may need that too, regardless whether you get marriage counseling or not.
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