(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
I am a 15 1/2 year old girl. I am thinking about going out with this guy, he's 20. We really like each other. If we did end up going out, how far would we be able to go?
The Answer
Depends on your state (or country).
In many states, sexual contaact between a 15 year old and a 20 year old would qualify as statutory rape. In many states, activities less than sex, such as kissing and groping, might also carry criminal charges.
Look, this is a bad idea. It’s a bad because it might ruin his life. Dating you could send him to jail, restrict where he can live and work, and generally fuck him up for the rest of his adult life.
It’s also a bad idea for you, personally, because a twenty year old who sees a 15 year old high school student as a viable romantic partner is probably not a good person for you to be in close contact with.
That has nothing to with you. You could be brilliant. You could be Aphrodite herself. You'd still be an 15 year old goddess, and a 20 year old guy who seems a viable partner in a teenager, is someone I would have serious concerns about.
It’s not your maturity or ability to handle the relationship I question: It’s his.
Find out if it’s illegal in your state - if it is, DON’T DO IT. If he is dumb enough to still think it’s okay as long as you don’t sleep together - save him from himself and DON’T DO IT. If it is legal where you live, please consider carefully. It is probably not a good idea.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My husband and I did just fine until we said "I do" and then he became a control freak. He has been married 4 times including me and has abused all of them, even me. I didn't know about the abuse until I did some home work and saw the Div. Decrees. He has got the idea of taking sex away he can ontrol. I guess he can. I just want to know what kind of personality disorder this is?
The Answer
Who cares what kind of personlity disorder it is?
Why does it matter if your husband is mentally ill, or he is just a complete asshole?
Either way, you can't possibly continue to submit yourself to his abuse.
Talk to a therapist. Alone, and togeather if you'd like. But a grown man who has repeated a pattern of abuse four times is unlikely to change now. A discovery like this is not the time when you ask yourself "How do I make this work?" it's the time when you ask "How fast and far can I run?"
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hello I am a 16 year old male and I recently applied to a McDonalds near where I live. The application made me really sad at the sort of questions they asked and I just feel like there is a much better way I could be spending my time that mindlessly working at McDonalds. My parents want me to get a summer job but I do not really want to work here. Am I being too picky or snobbish. I get straight As and I don't know it just seems like a waste of my time. Writing this now it seems elitist but it is how I feel. Any advice on this matter would help. Be critical of me too it will only help me.
The Answer
I respectfully disagree with Witty. Any job, held responsibly and done compentantly, is better than no job, on your resume. Although the transferable skills are limited at such a job, they are there and they are generally recongized by other employeers. You showed up and did your work well and are looking to make a step up from McDonalds, sounds a lot better than "I've never had a job before but take my word for it I'll show up and work hard."
But 'job' is a loose term, that includes volunteering, being a camp counselor and all sorts of other tasks and responsibilities.
Being a bit of snob myself, if my parents were pushing me to have a summer job and the pickings were as slim as McDonalds, I'd turn to them and say this:
"McDonalds is going to pay me, sure, but it's a not a job that gives me any transferable skills, it's just a job for the sake of having a job. Since I'm not desperate for money, how about I try and find a volunteer position doing X or Y or with Z organziation. That would look better on my resume than McDonalds, and be more in line with the kind of skills I want to learn."
If money isn't the primary object - Do some research into organzations or places in your community that will not pay you, but will give you great experiences and responsibilities than a fast food chain.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
hi everyone. I have a bit of an issue. Im gay. and i like this guy. he is about everthing i could want in a man. Tall, charming, and cute. We have been talking for about two weeks or so. There is only one problem. He is still in the closet. Big time. He is a member of the christian organization at our school ( im not religious), and is part of the track team. So i can see why he has never told anyone. But my question is, Should i continue with him, or should i not. I dont want to be in a relationship that i cant talk about, and be honest about, but i like him,
and i want to be with him, i just dont want to have to hide a relationship. So any advice would be helpful, because im so confused O_o?
The Answer
Dating someone who is still in the closet, basically means climbing back in the closet yourself.
If you were an adult, my advice would be to explain to him, gently, that the relationship wont be able to last for too long if he remains in the closet - but as you are teenagers, its' a bit of a different story. Although 'coming out' is always desirable - there are conditions on young people that can make it really risky, even dangerous, to live honestly.
So what do you do? At this point you have to decide what you can live with. You could try talking to him about how he sees his life progressing, and what risks he sees to be out in the future. Is he planning on staying this way just for high school, or just for college? Is he planning on NEVER telling his family? Knowing some of his thoughts about it will help you know what you are in for if you stick around.
If what you have is a great guy - who wants to be honest and has a plan in place that will get him to a place where he can live honestly and safely - that might be worth it to you to hide the relationship for the time being.
If what you've got is a guy who is a chicken shit living a double life, who never plans on being honest with those closest to him, and sees no problem with lending his strength and voice to religious organizations that damn homosexuals and spread hate - then you should walk away right now.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
there's this guy i met on a penpal site last summer in July; he's from Jamaica and when we started talking; we just clicked; we had so much in common especially since my background is jamaican as well. we talked every single day for hours on the site; we eventually started talking on the phone too almost every night. our relationship became flirty and intimate. we would talk sexual to each other; exchanged pics ; he even calls me his gf and he tells me that he wishes that i was his gf;we write letters to eachother and i started developing feelings for him and he told me he was catching feelings for me too.
The messed up thing is that he has a gf in the States who went to spend time with him in Jamaica last summer. they've been together for over a year now. we've been talking for 10 months now and he tells me he loves me but i've really started to develop real feelings for him; i can't go a day without talking to him. I've tried to end this "thing" a couple of times but we only end up fighting like bf/gf and then things go back to how they were before. I just want to get out of this because everytime i see a personal msg on msn or a status on facebook about his gf; i die a little inside and its not a good feeling. but at the same time; i don't want to lose my friend-we tell eachother everything; personal things; he's even friends with my older sister. should i try to be friends with him or cut him off completely?
The Answer
Hun, if you are the 'other woman' then you were never actually his friend. You were always just the other woman.
Has it occurred to you this man has a pattern of behavoir? I willing to bet he met his girlfriend on a similar online site. . .
Now he has two girlfriends - which is really not a very friendly thing to do.
Stop mourning a friendship you've never actually had. It was an illusion and a con-job, a beautiful story you were able to tell yourself, as distance and ignorance kept you safe from the reality of what was happening with this man. Maybe you aren't ready to cut him off yet, but I hope you do soon. The most likely ending to this story is you being hurt - badly - by a man who will never have to face up, in person, to the damages he has done to the women in his life.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
13/g
There's a guy in some of my classes that (since yesterday) wants to show me his penis to prove to me that it is longer than 3 inches.
LOL
You're probably thinking, wtf?, but there's a story behind this (it deserves a good explanation)
My school is an environmentally friendly school and we have a class that part of our grade is doing outside work, so i was working with him and two of my other friends and they were having a very sexual conversation (it was all guys that i was with, so you can see why. They're horny 13 year olds!) and he randomly asks me if i want to see his penis. And i laughed and said no. Then he said yes you do. and i said no i don't, and it kept going like that back and forth for a while. Then he starts to call my name and everytime i look but not down there just at his face, but one time he actually pulled his pants down! (only in the front, like as if he was about to pee, and i only knew that from the corner of my eye) Of course i didn't see it, but i knew that it was out.
And today he did it again in the same class and everything except this time he wanted to prove it to me that his "thing" was longer than 3 inches. (did i mention that on both days he had a boner? Yesterday it looked really short, like through the pants) so that's why he did it today, but what does this mean, does he like me, is he sexually attracted to me, or what because i asked my friends and they have no clue, just like me.
Please, feel free to anser my totally random question, please! I would be so... greatful for any answer/opinion/comment you have. I'll take anything.
Thank you for any answers in advance.
The Answer
I'm with Zane on this - this behavoir is very close to abusive. Does he like you? Maybe. Is he attracted to you? Maybe.
Is he using this situation, and your discomfort and confusion, as a turn on for himself? Is he getting of on it? Definitely yes.
And that's not okay. It wouldn't be okay if he were running around in a large overcoat in a public park exposing himself to strangers because he enjoyed it sexually - and it's not okay when he does it to you.
It's totally natural to be curious, but for your own sake (and safety) and as a learning experience for this guy, you need to tell him to stop. That it is sexual assault (it is.) and that if he does it again you'll tell a teacher. And then you need to follow through.
This is entirely inappropriate behavoir. If he doesn't get that, you need to help an adult explain that to him. If he were 10 years older this behavoir would get him fired from his job, beaten up at a club and arrested on the street. It's absolutely, 100% not okay.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
17/f 21/m
I dated this guy when I was 15 and got pregnant. I broke up with him when I was 4 months pregnant because he was very controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, intimidating...etc. He never hit me but he has left bruises on me because he grabbed my arms too hard. He got married, and I knew his wife before they started dating. He came to see the baby for 3 months, dipped for 8 months, came back, and now he hasnt seen her in a month or 2 'because of work'. He doesnt pay child support but I dont want to pursue it because I dont want him to get any kjnd of custody.
This week, he was arrested and I found out that he has been physically violent towards his wife the whole time. She sent me a picture of her black eye. She got a restraining order on him and she suggested I do the same. Now im terrified of him because he has anger towards me and I now know what hes capable of. I have a few questions:
-i really dont want him apart of my or my childs life because hes unstable and dangerous. Hes not on the birth certificate either. Is it wrong for me to cut off all contact from him and not let him see the baby?
-hes from peru and was not a citizen, but his wife is. Did that automatically make him a citizen? Or did he still have to apply? Because she wants to try to get him deported. (he already has a pretty large record)
Any other advice is welcome, thank you !
The Answer
You need to access legal aid to protect yourself and your child - officially and legally.
It's a common misconception that if a man doesn’t pay child support, he doesn't have custody or visitation rights - but legally that is not true. The father of your baby does have rights to see the child despite not paying child support, or being on the birth certificate. In most states, neither of those things limit his rights to access his child. You see, parents don’t have rights to their children just ‘cause the parents deserve them, the law assumes that it is in the best interest of the child to know their father. Him not paying doesn’t change that - you have to go to court to explain why the father’s behaviour means it’s in your best interest and the child’s best interest to deny him access.
Now, if the father doesn’t try to act on those rights - then that is great. He can just stay away and you’ve got no problem and you might not need the legal aid, but you should get their professional legal advice, just in case. Look for counselling services for single moms or teens moms who can refer you to legal advice.
It's not wrong to keep your child away from someone who is violent and dangerous, however, you need to make sure you do it through the proper channels, so it's offical and legal.
His wife being a citizen does not automatically make him a citizen. It simply makes the application process for citizenship different. He would still need to apply.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
im a guy in high- school. And before you read this, im letting you know that this is a serious question.
I know you might think im weird, but me and my friends made a bet on the last NBA playoffs game. And i lost, and i bet against 3 of my guy friends. So i lost.
Now, they are making me do something....
Theres like this really hot girl in my class, shes a rich girl, spoiled, cheerleader, hot, big tits and ass, fake tan, you know how it is. Anyways, i dont even know her at all. Ive never even spoken to her, but i stare at her ass all the time.
Anyways, my friend that i lost the bet to is making me slap her in the face randomly in class when nobody is looking. Im being serious. My friend doesnt like her , from some other reason, and he wants me to slap her. Not punch her in the face or kick her or anything, but just smack her like upside the head. Or he offered for me to grab her ass when nobody is looking. Hes making me do either one since i lost the best.
The thing is, even though it sounds messed up for a friend to make me do that, i kinda WANT to do it haha.
What should i do?
The Answer
That's not a joke, it's abuse. Plain and simple, they expect you to physically assault this girl. Not only is that a crime - it's morally abhorrent behaviour. Since you intend to do it in school, they might decide just to suspend you, rather than call the cops, but let’s be honest, if you did this on the street the cops would come knocking on your door.
You should grow the hell up and find better friends. Yours are immature assholes who are lacking basic human dignity.
None of this ‘boys will be boys’ lame-ass excuses - Not all boys will be abusive little fuckers who think randomly hitting people unprovoked is funny. What you are considering is not okay in any imaginable way.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I dated this guy for 2 months. We weren't official, but he told me he never liked anyone as much as he liked me (he's 18), never found a girl like me, lost hope in relationships until he met me, etc. He gave me every compliment in the book. We had really deep conversations I was never able to have with ANYONE else.
But, excuse the expression, I was out of his league, on many levels, but I still really enjoyed spending time with him: texted him all the time, hung out with him on a regular basis, etc.
6 weeks into our dating, he says he's not ready for a relationship. I'm obviously confused, because HE has been pursuing/wooing ME all this time -- I'm out of his league, remember, so this is SO STUPID of him, since he almost had me -- but I'm okay and we're still as close. Exactly 1 week later he says, "I was so stupid, I know what I want now, I want you." I think about it for a week and tell him for sure I don't want a relationship.
We were still pretty close that week. I saw him a few days after and he's still the same as always, flirty, clingy, "you look so beautiful," etc.
FIVE DAYS LATER: He's official with another girl on facebook, a girl he's been friends with all along.
It was a week before I found out. He wasn't talkative during that week, but not unfriendly.
As soon as I found out, I stopped texting him. It was a d!ck move. Not exactly to me, but definitely to the new girl. She doesn't know me and probably doesn't know he had this two-month-long enrapture with me. And I feel like what we had is just cheapened. I wasn't expecting him to get into a relationship this quickly. Like, we hung out one-on-one a lot and obviously we can't do that anymore. That pisses me off, because we were so close, as friends, and he said he wanted to continue being like that, but now its gone.
Sticky situation is, we're co-workers. I haven't replied to any of his texts and have no desire to. But I'm not sure how to act towards him in work. Pretend nothing happened and be normal?, but I don't think he deserves that. Or just be civil upon contact? Or ignore him?
And why/how do you think he got with that other girl so fast?? I just don't understand. I'm shocked. He was SO into me, he told me so all the time. He said I was the only one who ever made him happy and that he wanted to recreate a world with just me in it. Then... new girl? Wtf???
I miss him as my friend. But I feel like nothing can be the same now. What should I do? :(
The Answer
You need to get over it.
And nothing will be the same now - That was going to happen anyways after you told him you didn't want to be with him - you just hadn't noticed it yet.
Look - you both yanked each other around. You gave him as much confusion and drama as he gave you. You both treated the other rather poorly - probably neither of you meant to do it! You were both just confused about your feelings and what you wanted and it just happened! And after all that THIS was what was going to happen:
One of you was going to find someone you DID want a relationship with - and your friendship would have to change drastically and feelings were going to get hurt. This was inevitable.
It always hurts when someone you had a connection with find someone else. It's annoying if it happens in five days, or if it happens in five months. It always feels like a betrayal. It almost NEVER is an actual betrayal.
Your judgement of him here, all this assuming the worst of him, is unkind and unfair. You didn't want to be with him. He was never committed to you, or you to him. What he did wasn't a dick move. He didn't owe it to you to keep you perpetually up to date on his affections for others. You don't know how long he's felt this way about this girl, or how much she knows about your friendship with him (has it occurred to you she might know it all?). The very worst this guy did, is not confide in you as a friend about his interest in her. And since this question is how you reacted I'm not surprised he didn't feel he could talk to you about it! Your response here is very self involved and cruel. Instead of assuming he changed his mind and snagged someone awesome (the kind and friendly assumption to make) you assume he lied to you and betrayed you! (A very unkind assumption, and not one you have nearly enough information to start making - espcially if you refuse to talk to him about it now!)
It's okay to be hurt and annoyed, but you are taking it way too far with your judgment and anger. He didn't betray you. He changed his mind and he was perfectly entitled too.
You don't have to be his friend if you don't want too. It's okay to be unhappy and uncomfortable. But you have no right to be a bitch to him - it's clear from your question here that you have failed him as a friend at least almost as much as he has failed you. If you don't want to continue to the friendship, TELL him as much. (Remember, the only mistake he absolutely was not being honest with you, so be the bigger person and be honest with him). Tell him you are hurt and confused and don't want to be friends right now. Be polite and civil at work, and let your unjustified anger and severe judgement go.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Ive been with my girlfriend for about 2 months, and we are both 20. We are sexually active.
And btw, we live in Toronto, a city where there are alot of clubs, bars, etc. So like, we live together in an apartment, and i would say that she is really attractive. I personally think she is, but she is hot to other guys too. Like when we go to bars together, all the guys stare at her ass. And sometimes i get jealous, especially when she acts all flirtacious by blowing them a kiss back. It sucks you know? I feel so small when a bunch of handsome buff guys hit on her at bars when i go to the bathroom. It seems like im a nerd dating a supermodel. And im not fat or gross or anything, im taller than her, slim, short haired, i dont look like .. you know "that shes out of my league" like i think im somewhat in her league. But she is so damn sizzling and you would think that is a good thing, but sometimes it SUCKS because i get so damn jealous when she talks to other guys.
When im alone at home, she always goes out dancing with her friends, and some of them are guys. And i dont wanna control her and be like, "no, i want you to be home". Like, i dont wanna be her father, i wanna be her man, to love her and stuff. I do love her, and she loves me. But i feel like she is right on the tip of my grasp and that i could lose her anytime since she could EASILY get any guy she wants, maybe a guy who is 10x better looking than me and who is also loaded-rich too. And im drowning in a pool of worry and jealousy. She is beautiful, but she is like, TOO beautiful. i want to stay with her. Help me?
The Answer
First things first: Unless your girlfriend is sleeping with many other people, she isn’t promiscuous. Promiscuous doesn’t mean flirty or sexy, it means ‘Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners.’ And it’s a very, very harsh thing to call someone. From reading your full question, I don’t think it’s the word you meant to use to describe your girlfriend.
As for your actual problem: Talk to her.
Without asking her to change. Without telling her she is misbehaving. Without judging or controlling her.
Just talk to her, and tell her how you feel.
"I feel like I'm going to lose you to someone better/richer."
"I feel especially nervous when we are out dancing and guys flock to you and flirt with you and you blow them kisses back."
"I feel like you might leave at any second, because you could get anyone."
Tell her you know these are your problems, not hers and that she can't solve them. But also, that you don't want your fears and jealousies to rip you apart without her knowing what's going on. So, you aren't asking her to change, but you are giving her a big FYI. The FYI is that you are jealous and worried.
And it’s tough to do this, because our culture says grown men aren’t allowed to admit they are scarred, or that they have a problem they are working on. And it’s tough to do it and tell her, and MEAN IT, that you aren’t asking her to change, just telling her that you are struggling.
Frankly, I think you’d be fair to ask her to think about her behaviour towards men she doesn’t know. In her defence, it it’s a tough thing to figure out how to do as a young lady: How to be polite to men who give you attention, without encouraging that attention. Friends are a different story, but if she is blowing kisses to strangers in bars and clubs, she is risking giving stupid men the wrong idea. That’s a fair request to ask her to think about where she draws the line between being polite and friendly, and being an available flirt - not because it’s going to solve your jealous (it isn’t) - but because she might be making some honest mistakes.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Two nights ago, on May 11, my boyfriend and I had sex. We started off for a few minutes not using a condom because it feels better for him. I know it's not a good idea, but that's why I made him put on the condom after a few minutes. I figured as long as he wasn't close to cumming inside me, I would be fine. So then we followed our normal routine of him wearing the condom but pulling out anyways when he came. After we finished, we both to the bathroom to pee. Then about 30 minutes later, we spontaneously went at it again and didn't use a condom, but it was only for a few minutes and then we stopped and he didn't cum.
Yesterday morning, I was telling my friend about it and she got all upset saying that I could get pregnant because there is live sperm leftover in his urethra up to 72 hours after ejaculation and it could've gotten inside me when he had sex the second time without a condom. Is this true? She also said that because he peed after the first time, it probably cleaned out most of what could have been left over.
But should I get the Plan B pill to be safe? I know it works up to 3 days after an accident. I had to take it twice last year when our condoms failed, that's why we started pulling out even when he did wear a condom.
The Answer
It is possible for there to have been viable sperm in 'precum'. Given your situation, it's very unlikely that there was, but it is still possible.
If you can afford to get Plan B, it's not a bad idea to take that precaution.
(Frankly, if you find yourself using Plan B with this degree of frequency then you should seriously consider having a regular second form of birth control, like the pill or the shot - you should also be looking into proper condom storage and use and making sure you are treating your condoms appropriately and guarding against failures.)
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay here's the deal. I've been good friends with someone for a long while. Let's call this friend "Mr Red". We're fairly close and have been through quite a bit together. our friendship is still strong and tight, and we've got a lot in common, and many mutual friends.
A few months ago, I met someone, let's call her "Miss Blue", whom I am not involved with in a serious relationship. The circumstances of meeting her will be a little odd, so bear with me.
I first heard of her when Red was ranting about something she did. Apparently, Mr Red seriously dislikes her and wants nothing to do with Miss Blue. This is not new, and in fact.. the rest of the clique dislikes her as well. I've always been the person who really doesn't like to follow along with crowd decisions of that type.. since I used to be ostracized in grade school often. I remember what it feels like, so I try to give everyone a chance
When I actually met Miss Blue, it developed into an attraction, and now we're involved. Obviously, this has caused some rifts
To be clear, Miss Blue has never asked me to choose between her or them. None of the group including Mr Red has ever pressured me about my relationship with her. They accept it, and respect it, but most do not approve of it.
The biggest problem is that I am unable to include my significant other in my activities with them in most cases, since Mr Red is often around. Mr Red usually just refuses to hang out with me if she's already there, and leaves quickly if she shows up later.
Miss Blue is both hurt and upset by this behavior, and rightfully feels ostracized and left out. She feels very guilty that I need to take time out for her and away from Mr Red and the group. If I'm not caught up in something important, like just hanging out with the group, I often go see her.. which she feels guilty about me having to do.
She wants to be included, but also feels bad that I have to separate my time with her and them.
As for her and Red... she has tried multiple times to work things out with him, but he is simply stone faced about it. He's said in response every time that he doesn't believe her apologies and doesn't want to hear it. He wants her to leave him alone.
They have never been romantically involved.
My question is about how best to handle my place in this. Even with careful separation of my time between the two, she still feels terrible, and I feel like maybe I should be doing something more.
The Answer
Actually, you've got to let this go, and you need to encourage Blue to get over it as well.
Red is behaving as well as he can - while remaining honest. He is not abusing her. It sounds like he isn’t even complaining to you or bashing her when she isn’t around. He is simply avoiding her presence. He is not saying "Don't bring her around me!" or pitching fits and making demands, he is simply removing himself when she does appear. He is standing up for himself without disrespecting either of you.
Although it's understandable that this upsets you and Blue, Red is actually behaving respectfully and honestly. He doesn’t like her. He is not prepared to pretend he does. That means maintaining a friendship with Red will mean it being separate from your time with Blue. This is not all that unusual.
Blue needs to let it go and stop torturing herself (and torturing you). It’s very sweet that you are so concerned with her feelings, but really, she’s needs to stop obsessing and fretting about it. Not everyone is going to like you or want to be near you. You don't win 'em all.
The only thing 'more' you can possibly do (unless you choose to end your friendship with Red) is confess to Red that although you respect his desire not to have anything to do with Blue, that you'd appreciate it if he could find it in himself to be respectful in large groups and stick around when there are plenty of other people to engage with. At the same time, you need to remind Blue to let it go, and stop pushing for a reconciliation that is obviously not going to happen.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
types of std symptoms and cure in homeopathy
The Answer
Homeopathy doesn't work. It doesn't work to treat any actuall baterial infection of viral infection.
Homeopathy is only as real as unicorns.
The basic idea of homeopathy, is the "law of similars", and was thought up in 1796, and fully debunked within a few decades. It’s creating remedies by taking something that is similar the illness the person is suffering from (so, if you have a fever, which is hot, you would treat it with chilli peppers, which are also hot) THEN it gets diluted in so much water there is basically nothing left in the water. Homeopathic solutions that are often diluted as much as 10^60. Which is like putting one grain of rice (or active ingredient like the chilli pepper) into a body of water as big as our solar system and thinking that ALL that water will remember that one, tiny piece of chilli pepper (but also that the water will NOT remember everything else that was ever put in it! Like every piece of bird poop it seems to forget, but that one phenomenally small ingredient of medicine is must remember).
And that isn’t true. When you dilute something that much, it is basically gone. Every test has proven it: Water doesn’t remember things in that way. Now that we know about atoms and particles, homeopathy is ridiculous. And like things don’t treat like. Hot things don’t cure hot flashes. Itchy things don’t cure itches.
Homeopathy is not real. It's an idea someone had in the middle ages that is totally wrong. The big reason they thought it worked back then was because it meant that an ill person ended up drinking a lot of water - and we know now that hydration is very important to beating any illness.
If you think you have an STD, see a doctor. Many are curable, and many of those that cannot be cured can be treated and controlled to keep other around you safe from them.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okii so im 13 years old and female i go to a junior high with my best friend, and shes 15(yes she fluncked 5th grade once) so anyways i dont lyk one of her friends. so lets call me "connie" my best friend "lizette" and her friend "elizabeth". so anyways lizette told elizabeth i dont lyk her, and shes lyk well thats good because i dont lyk her either, i doesnt bother me because well i dont lyk her but my friend is always telling her friend everything i say for example she has a friend "lizeth" and i told lizette that it looked lyk if lizeth had a hicky, well she had to go and tell lizeth, and of coarse i got pissed off, shes always doing this to me.
so what should i tell her so that she stops saying everything i tell her, i alredy confronted her bout it but she wont stop please help
The Answer
Stop telling her things you don't want to be repeated. Obviously she can't manage it.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My freshman year in college I got pregnant and end up having an abortion. I don't really have any regrets about the abortion because I felt it was the right choice for me. When I told the guy about it he agreed with the abortion so there wasn't really any hesitation, but anyone, me and this guy were not dating and I chose not to ever have anything to do with him, such as cutting all ties and communication with this guy. Two years have passed and I'm old enough to realize that it was silly to not speak to him when I see him occasionally. I've also realized I need closure because we've never spoke about what happen and I feel like I just need to have a conversation with him about it. I don't hate the guy or anything, I see it as the past and to move on in the future. So recently we've been talking to each other but haven't gotten the chance to talk face to face. I feel like I'm stirring up my past, and I have these feelings for him but I'm telling myself I shouldn't! First off, he only texts me when he has the time or want me to come by late after hours and I just don't like that, especially the after 10pm text (booty call). So we're suppose to get together this weekend but I'm not sure if I should or not!?? Help!! Need advice!
The Answer
Is closure really what you want? Or are you trying to use this past experience to obtain an intimate closeness with this guy?
The guy has expressed that he wants to hook up with you, but not that he wants to talk to you, or that he cares seriously for your feelings, or that he wants a romance. Bringing up the abortion is a way to make things very emotionally intense very fast and force a deep conversation with him almost immediately.
You need to look at yourself, coldly and clearly, and decide if there is actually closure you want here, or if you are only looking for a way to establish closeness and deep conversations because you are hoping it leads to romance.
If it IS closure you need, then you should be damn clear about what sort of closure you are looking. What questions do you have to ask - specifically? Can you live with the answers if they are not the ones you want? Is all you truly need is to apologizing for avoiding him? Make a list. Remind yourself repeatedly that closure must be a COMPLETELY separate issue from your romantic interest in this guy. Closure it about what you need to say, or know about the past – it is NOT your hopes for the future.
If what you actually want is not closure, but is a stirring up that past experience for the sake of starting a more intimate conversation with this boy - well, that's just not okay, it's manipulative and unkind to him, and you are setting yourself up to be hurt badly by using such a high-risk maneuver to get more of his attention.
I would strongly, STRONGLY advise you against entering into this conversation with him unless you both express an interest in being romantically involved. It sounds to me like that is what you really want - and you are right - if you are going to be able to move forward in a relationship with him then the two of you will need to talk this out.
Right now, from your question here, it sounds far more like you want to jump the gun and have this talk in the hopes it will push you towards a romantic relationship. That's ass backwards. Ask him to have coffee with you. If a connection and romance is there, then have the conversations that will let you move forward together. Until you either get really specific about what closure you would like (as a completely separate thing from your romantic interest in him!) OR have a mutual romantic interest that necessitates the conversation.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my pastor said that people are being to cute with their sins. he said we need to make war with our sins and our problems. he told us the story of weeds growing outside the church on the patio that he hated seeing and he was being cute, squirting the weeds with round up. he then said he thought he got it but he came back and he didn't. so he bought massive bottles of round up and dumped it everywhere! he said there's no weeds in a 12 mile radius of the church. what is your take on making war reference? what do you think it means? give some examples if you can, thanks!
The Answer
I think it means your pastor likes to exaggerate. (No weeds for 12 miles? Really?)
It’s important to take your faults and mistakes seriously, confront them head on and be serious about addressing them. We should be willing to fight against the parts of ourselves that are not the best of what we can be, and want to achieve.
Changing isn’t easy, so we can’t be ‘cute’ or ‘playful’ about it and expect to change ourselves. Self improvement is a serious thing, and you have to take it seriously or it doesn’t work.
The 'make war' reference and the - honestly a bit environmentally irresponsible behaviour of dumping a bunch of pesticide all over everything - is just story telling that is meant to inspire you to combat your sins seriously and with vigour. Just the way the story of a tortoise in the hare is obviously not literally true, but designed to inspire people to be dedicated and thorough, your pastor’s words weren’t literally true - he was calling you to combat your mistakes and failings with seriousness and vigour, not with half-hearted, fluffy attempts.
EDIT:
I’m not bashing your pastor! It was an effective thing for him to do. I don't mean 'exaggeration' or 'not literally true' as evil or wrong things. He told you a story, a story that was unlikely to be completely true, but had the desired effect of making your consider his meaning seriously. He did his job well. That’s a good thing - but it’s also important to me to point out when someone says things that aren’t meant to be literally true, but are metaphors, or exaggerations, or poetic examples, in order to prove their point.
Recongizing that your pastor was telling you a story, and didn't literally intend for you to draft a declaration of war agianst your sins, is a very important part of understanding his meaning.
Using exagerations and metaphors doesn’t make a story evil or wrong, it’s just an important part of understanding the meaning and purpose of the story. It’s the same sort of thing you should do when you see an advertisement, or read a newspaper. Ask yourself what kind of story they are telling you, why they are telling it to you the way they are, and whether or not it is likely to be objectively true. Put all that togeather, and you'll be able to decide what you should take away from that story.
There is nothing wrong with storytelling. But since you were interested in examining more deeply what was said to you, I felt it was very important to acknowledge when persuasive story telling is taking place, rather than a strict reporting of facts. It is only through recongizing the poetry and exagerations that your pastor was using in his storytelling, that you can find the real world applications of his 'war' reference.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
A friend of mine and myself spent the night last year after she broke up with her (on again/off again) boyfriend. Because she was my friend, I guess I assumed that there may be something more long term there and was a little dissapointed when she got back with her boyfriend the following week when I got back from a trip. But I handled myself well and got over it.
A couple of months later, same routine. Again I just let it go, telling myself... "first time, shame on you, second time shame on me".
Things went on, and we remained rather good friends, however the last time she broke up with her last boyfriend, I was the one to help her through it, she was really crushed. Before I knew what was up, I fell for her. I tried to deal with the emotion but was unable to, and subsequently told her. At first she seemed flattered and interested, then all of a sudden the old boyfriend is back in the picture, I am told I am delutional about some aspects of her ever showing interest, and kicked to the curb.
One of the things (which I am comfortable telling) is that I read interest from her was us playing footsie for 15minutes. She insists that I initiated the game and she imediatly declined...
love may scew the flow of time but... c'mon.
Things did escalate beyond that.
I need unbiased advice, I am emotionally caught up in this mess and I feel more and more that this "friend" should take a hike. I am worthy when no one else is around. It feels like this time broke the camels back.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
The Answer
Whatever happened - whether your interpretation is correct or confused - what you can be certain of is that this friendship is not working out for you. It doesn't sound equitable or honest.
It tough to be friends with someone when 'friendship' isn't actually what you want. Whether she is deliberately yanking your chain or not is sort of beside the point. This ongoing situation IS yanking your chain. You are the one who is going to have to put an end to that.
Don't bitch her out, or argue about the past. Respectfully take a step out of the friendship. Tell her the truth: Clearly you had goals and hopes she doesn't share. Since you haven't found a better way to handle these different desires, parting ways is the best option left.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Open Question:
My 44 year old aunt is pregnant, Could something happen to her if she has the baby?
My aunt Jess is 44 (I think) and she jus told us that she's 4 months pregant. This is her only baby. She's been pregnant before but the other babies died really early before they were born. So anyway. I heard that its not good for old women to have babies. I heard that they can die or the babies can die or both. I'm really worried about aunt jess because she's helped my dad take care of me and my siblings since my mom left when me and my twin were babies (my mom was depressed). Aunt jess is like a mom to me, the only mom I've ever known even though my dads had lots of girlfriends. I dnt wanna lose aunt jess. I dnt want the baby to kill her. I'm scared. But aunt jess has wanted a baby for a long time. She said we're like her babies but its not the same. What's gonna happen to her? Will she be okay? What about the baby? What if aunt jess is ok but she looses the baby and gets the same kind of depressed that my mom had and leaves like she did. I need aunt jess, I love her and I dnt know what to do. Do you think she will be okay?
The Answer
Talk to your aunt about your fears. Write them down, or even e-mail this question to her, so she can see what is worrying you.
If she has wanted a baby for a long time, she probably is talking to a good doctor (she might have even used fertility treatments to help her get pregnant) and is taking very good care of herself. She can tell you a little bit about what she knows, and what she is doing to help things go as well as possible.
It's very, very, VERY unlikely that she will die - I don't like to say never, but it's not really a big risk at all. Having children in your forties these days is not the same as it was 100 years ago - especially if you are healthy. The hardest part of it for most mothers in their forties is getting pregnant. When you are older, you are less fertile. Although there is a greater risk of miscarriage in your 40s, that is exactly why your aunt waited until she was four months along to tell you! After three months, a pregnancy is much more likely to be successful.
The best thing you can do is ask your aunt for more information to help you understand and be calm. Although there are some risks, she wont want you to be scared for her. It sounds like she is a very strong and loving person and this is something she is really passionate about, and very happy about.
Open up to her. So you can share her joy, and she can help put your worries to rest. Although it's a bit riskier to have children later in life, it's not like it was decades ago, and many woman manage it with great success. Talk to your aunt, and trust her.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm 21, male. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend (of seven years) a month ago. I have recently found out that my she just had a miscarriage at five months of pregnancy. In fact, she told me that she was a victim of rape, and that she did not know what happened to her(drink was spiked.)
I only found this out because she had her miscarriage - all this time, she kept this from me, while we were dating, because she felt it would be best for us. She intended to bring the child to term (does not believe in abortion) and has been having a very difficult time dealing with her miscarriage. Out of embarrassment, trying to find a new life and be fair to this child, she chose to move away to a different part of the country, hence why I have not seen her in over six months. She grew attached to the child, already knew it was going to be a boy, with the help of a friend had found a job and a place to stay.
I already broke up with her about a month ago. I felt that I was no longer a part of her life, and that it would be for the best for both of us. Of course, I had no idea that any of this even happened to her. I was led to believe her choice to move away was to fulfill academic commitments. When I last spoke to her before she informed me, I said I did not want to maintain contact.
I was raised to believe in forgiving others. I know that if I decide to maintain contact with her, I need to be clear and let her know what I expect. How should I feel about this? On one hand, it seems she has all the support she needs to get through a pregnancy, let alone living life in another part of the world - she no longer needs me, and I would be foolish to accept what she did to me. On the other, I understand that victims of domestic violence, and even rape, suffer so much emotionally, physically, and mentally - she seems to have had good intentions.
Yet, I feel betrayed: she put this child before me. She pointed out how she lost me to try and keep the child, but now has lost this child. I know its ultimately my call, but I really do need some sense of direction on this one. Thanks.
The Answer
You leave out a rather important part here: What is your ex attempting to achieve by contacting you?
Is she asking you back? Is she apologizing? Is she explaining herself? Does she desire further contact?
It's understandable you feel betrayed. She was dishonest. She choose to lock you out. She put many other things before her relationship with you. You were - truly - no longer part of her life. She legitimately had bigger shit to deal with. Frankly, as I see it, that she was able to access the support she needed - despite the fact she could not face the truth with you - is admirable, and speaks to a women who handled a crisis and kept it together.
I think you might be best, and most honest, to begin to recognize that as much as it feels like she 'did this to you' she probably didn't. This happened to her, and she did her best. In doing her best in an awful situation, your relationship became unimportant.
Those things don't make her wrong or bad. They make you wrong for each other perhaps. They make the relationship impossible to continue, but they were valid choices. Maybe not the best choices, but certainly valid, understandable choices.
I can't tell you how you should feel about this. You will probably feel betrayed and angry, in spite of her good intentions. BUT You should also forgive her. It doesn't sound like she acted out of malice, but was genuinely overwhelmed and unable to address the issue with you. She deserves forgiveness and sympathy.
But forgiveness and sympathy doesn't mean you have to get back together, or be friends. Forgiving is just forgiving, and forgiving - truly forgiving - means you don't get to put conditions on that forgiveness. You may put conditions on your relationship, or how much contact you want or do not want to have, but forgiveness is a all or none game, and it sounds like beyond all your legitimate shock, angers and confusions you know that she is deserving of forgiveness.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So, i've just broken up with this girl. Actually, we both did it, since she is kinda too young for me i guess? im 18 and she is 16.
I keep trying to erase her from my life because the pain is just too strong, and she is doing the same thing. She stopped texting, deleted me off FACEBOOK, stopped calling, and she ignores me whenever i call her, ON PURPOSE.
And i found out why. I always thought that it was because she was soooo "done" with me, like she said and her friends said.
But the real reason why is that she is scared......... She started texting me again last week for almost a whole day, then she suddenly stopped because she realised thats he was falling for me again, and thought that having a boyfriend would keep her from "living a normal life" and i personally think it is BS, because i know DEEP down that she wants to be with me. She is just so goddamn influenced by her friends, her mom, etc.
How do i know if i should keep pursuing this? Or should i just get over it. Because fate tells me that she is the one, but how do i know? I mean, im a guy, with a big ego, who could easily get girls, so it is fairly easy for me to get OVER girls. But this girl.... omg i just dont know. No matter how much she blows me off, I STILL want her... and i know she wants me. How can i convince her to just follow her heart and to stop listening to her friends? Is she the one? HELP!
The Answer
Back the hell off.
Seriously. Your arrogant presumption of knowing what she wants and what is best for her is no more acceptable when you do it then when her mom and friends do it. You do have a big ego, and this girl is struggling to stand for what she wants in the face of so many egos. You want to be a respectful and decent human being? Take your ego out of the equation. You can't stop other people from doing it, but you can be the bigger person here and stop it yourself.
She is trying to make choices. Let her make them. Stop the judgement and belittling of her. Stop the arrogant assumptions of her desires. It's not just egotistical. It's ugly. Even if you are perfectly right about what you think she is thinking: Your conceited and self-referential vision of her is an ugly thing.
She IS following her own heart. Right now it is taking her away from you. Respect her enough to accept that and believe that if her heart leads her back in the future, she'll follow it then. She is not an idiot child. She is a young woman who entitled to choose, even choose wrongly.
Stop being one more person tugging her around with your own desires, opinions and judgements of her. It's looking rather mean-spirited of you at the moment.
(View All Other Answers.)