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rekindle a romance?
My freshman year in college I got pregnant and end up having an abortion. I don't really have any regrets about the abortion because I felt it was the right choice for me. When I told the guy about it he agreed with the abortion so there wasn't really any hesitation, but anyone, me and this guy were not dating and I chose not to ever have anything to do with him, such as cutting all ties and communication with this guy. Two years have passed and I'm old enough to realize that it was silly to not speak to him when I see him occasionally. I've also realized I need closure because we've never spoke about what happen and I feel like I just need to have a conversation with him about it. I don't hate the guy or anything, I see it as the past and to move on in the future. So recently we've been talking to each other but haven't gotten the chance to talk face to face. I feel like I'm stirring up my past, and I have these feelings for him but I'm telling myself I shouldn't! First off, he only texts me when he has the time or want me to come by late after hours and I just don't like that, especially the after 10pm text (booty call). So we're suppose to get together this weekend but I'm not sure if I should or not!?? Help!! Need advice!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Let him know you aren't the girl you used to be, and that you're not going to do the same things you used to. You should go, and have a good time, with your clothes ON. Tell me how it works out
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You're going to have to make a firm decision about this. He wants you to be with him sexually for sure. If you aren't up for that then don't do it. This is why when I end a relationship I REALLY END IT. No contact with her again ever. No need to pick up old baggage again.
About talking the abortion over with him: why? You would do it to get your ya ya's out, but he would react rather differently to it by maybe feeling guilt tripped. Please just leave that bit out and talk about it to one of your girlfriends instead.
I can understand all the mixed feelings you're having. Those are normal. You're obviously a mature and thoughtful person and will make a good mate for someone in the future. But I also feel that you are allowing your progress through life to be somewhat slowed by living in the past here.
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Is closure really what you want? Or are you trying to use this past experience to obtain an intimate closeness with this guy?
The guy has expressed that he wants to hook up with you, but not that he wants to talk to you, or that he cares seriously for your feelings, or that he wants a romance. Bringing up the abortion is a way to make things very emotionally intense very fast and force a deep conversation with him almost immediately.
You need to look at yourself, coldly and clearly, and decide if there is actually closure you want here, or if you are only looking for a way to establish closeness and deep conversations because you are hoping it leads to romance.
If it IS closure you need, then you should be damn clear about what sort of closure you are looking. What questions do you have to ask - specifically? Can you live with the answers if they are not the ones you want? Is all you truly need is to apologizing for avoiding him? Make a list. Remind yourself repeatedly that closure must be a COMPLETELY separate issue from your romantic interest in this guy. Closure it about what you need to say, or know about the past – it is NOT your hopes for the future.
If what you actually want is not closure, but is a stirring up that past experience for the sake of starting a more intimate conversation with this boy - well, that's just not okay, it's manipulative and unkind to him, and you are setting yourself up to be hurt badly by using such a high-risk maneuver to get more of his attention.
I would strongly, STRONGLY advise you against entering into this conversation with him unless you both express an interest in being romantically involved. It sounds to me like that is what you really want - and you are right - if you are going to be able to move forward in a relationship with him then the two of you will need to talk this out.
Right now, from your question here, it sounds far more like you want to jump the gun and have this talk in the hopes it will push you towards a romantic relationship. That's ass backwards. Ask him to have coffee with you. If a connection and romance is there, then have the conversations that will let you move forward together. Until you either get really specific about what closure you would like (as a completely separate thing from your romantic interest in him!) OR have a mutual romantic interest that necessitates the conversation.
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