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Friend or nay?
A friend of mine and myself spent the night last year after she broke up with her (on again/off again) boyfriend. Because she was my friend, I guess I assumed that there may be something more long term there and was a little dissapointed when she got back with her boyfriend the following week when I got back from a trip. But I handled myself well and got over it.
A couple of months later, same routine. Again I just let it go, telling myself... "first time, shame on you, second time shame on me".
Things went on, and we remained rather good friends, however the last time she broke up with her last boyfriend, I was the one to help her through it, she was really crushed. Before I knew what was up, I fell for her. I tried to deal with the emotion but was unable to, and subsequently told her. At first she seemed flattered and interested, then all of a sudden the old boyfriend is back in the picture, I am told I am delutional about some aspects of her ever showing interest, and kicked to the curb.
One of the things (which I am comfortable telling) is that I read interest from her was us playing footsie for 15minutes. She insists that I initiated the game and she imediatly declined...
love may scew the flow of time but... c'mon.
Things did escalate beyond that.
I need unbiased advice, I am emotionally caught up in this mess and I feel more and more that this "friend" should take a hike. I am worthy when no one else is around. It feels like this time broke the camels back.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Dude, one of the worst aspects of women is that they are often emotional vampires. You're a nice guy, so you allowed yourself to get duped into wasting all kinds of time on a girl you secretly hoped to claim for your own even when it was clear she had you on the dreaded "friend list" (which means you will never, ever see her naked).
This means that you gotta man up and start ignoring her. The perverse thing is that often times the best way to get attention from a woman is to completely give her the cold shoulder. Nevertheless, by continuing to allow her to suck up your time and emotions you look like a needy loser and she won't respect you at the end of the day and neither will any of the women who know her. So she has to be nixed from your life, dude. Sounds cold, but reality is what it is.
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aww I'm sorry :( (don't worry I won't be biased hahah) I think you should let her go..it's hurting you that you are hoping she will let go of her on/off boyfriend, and when he's "off" it's like she's leading you on a bit since she knows you have feelings for her...but then goes running back to him.
So take a step back, keep a safe distance. If it's meant to happen then it WILL happen, but she needs to be fully committed. It's great you help her out but you need to look after your own feelings as well. You shouldn't try to be with someone who appears hot and cold. And she doesn't really know what she wants
Step back you deserve better
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Whatever happened - whether your interpretation is correct or confused - what you can be certain of is that this friendship is not working out for you. It doesn't sound equitable or honest.
It tough to be friends with someone when 'friendship' isn't actually what you want. Whether she is deliberately yanking your chain or not is sort of beside the point. This ongoing situation IS yanking your chain. You are the one who is going to have to put an end to that.
Don't bitch her out, or argue about the past. Respectfully take a step out of the friendship. Tell her the truth: Clearly you had goals and hopes she doesn't share. Since you haven't found a better way to handle these different desires, parting ways is the best option left.
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Well, sadly it looks as if you are her rebound. When girls break up with guy or get broken up with, they feel vulnerable and usually flock to the person who seems will easily help them feel better. You sound like you are really nice to her, but I would have to advice that you kindly let her deal with it on her own next time. It seems best you stay out of that situation from now and should not waste your time on a girl who can't make up her mind. Offer to be her friend, but if she flocks to you it's time to tell her to back off.
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