Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Chicago, ILOccupation:
StudentAge:
19Member Since:
November 14, 2004Answers:
128Last Update:
February 27, 2005Visitors:
8290Favorite Columnists
icey0990
superGiRL21
frenchy
IPIiINIkI_my_anti_drug
beauteful_withn
ask_the_becsturr
Main Categories:
Love Life
General Sex Questions
Friendship
View All
about
Hey guys my name's Erin, and I love helping people. I know how hard life can be at times, and sometimes you just need some adivse. That's what I'm here for. Whatever the question is, I'll be more than happy to answer it!
advice
hey,
i have this best friend and she is really cool and ive nown her for awhile. but then this other friend comes and she is really cool to but she makes me feel like a third wheel..i dont no if i should talk to my friend or what. i really really need help! its driving me crazy.thanks.
i've had similar problems with friends as you. if you really like your friend and want to keep her as a friend, the only thing you can do is talk to her. try talking to your best friend first, because maybe she doesn't realize that they're leaving you out, and she'll try not to let it happen again. if that's not the case, or if you do talk to her but things don't change, then try talking to the other friend, and tell her that it bothers you that she's leaving you out. hopefully she'll be sorry and wont let it happen, but maybe it's one of those things that you can only hang out with your best friend when the other friend isn't there. hopefully that won't happen cause if she's your best friend she'll understand. hope this helped. good luck
Hey, lat night my friend was suppost to sleep over but then at the last minute she couldn't so she said that we would hang out tomorrow, which is today. Then she told me that she was going out to lunch wit her bf so i was like o i thought that we were hanging out today and she is like ya we still are..when i get bak from lunch. She hadn't told me that she was going out with him because we had made the plan before she made the plan to go out with her boyfriend. Should i be mad because she has been out the whole day with him when she told me that we would hang out.
you should definitely talk to her about it. don't be really mad, because it's not a huge deal, but it could turn into one if things continue like this. just talk to her and tell her that you don't appreciate her making plans with you, and then ditching her to hang out with her boyfriend. tell her that you understand that she wants to spend time with her bf, but it hurts you to have her cancel plans with you to hang out with him. hopefully she'll be able to see that you really are hurt, and she'll change. hope this helped. good luck!
i use to be really good friends with this gurl. but we dont talk anymore. we both said some really bad things about eachother. she wrote a note to when we were friends saying that we would be friends forever no matter what. I feel like she wants to fix things with me but im not sure. Should i talk to her. If i do what should i say?
you should definitely talk to her, if you want to fix things with her too. it'll be really hard and a little bit awkward at first, but if you have been good friends with her, it won't be that bad. just tell her that you're really sorry for the things that you said, and you hope that you guys can fix things and be friends again. i know that one you start talking, there will be so much to say, that you won't need anything planned out. but if it helps you, then make a list of things you want to say to her-such as appologies, questions about why you got ina fight, etc. i'm sure she'll be really happy that you took the initiative and decided to talk. it takes guts, and if you do it, you're a really strong person, and i admire that. best of luck, and i hope this helped.
Okay I am crying as I write this but I am a Advicenator and I need advice...
My Ex Boyfriend Sam and I went out for 9 months and the relationship went fine and the break up was mutual but lately all we seem to do is fight and the fights are usuaally his doing...weather he talks about his new intrest (I know she is not his girlfriend because I have friends that know more than Sam does) or talk about things that he KNOWS that will upset me and provoke me to hang up on him or cry. Please help me to get to have a better friendship with him and I still like him like I did when we went out.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
If Sam is around your same age, he has a lot of growing up to do. I'm only 19, but I can tell from your description of him that he's WAY too immature for his age. He's acting like a 15 year old boy, which is so not fair to you. I know how hard it can be to try and be friends with an ex, and from my experiences it usually doens't work out, but it is possible. I think Sam is feeling hurt probably the same amount that you are, just from breaking up-as it's hard to do. But guys often have a really hard time expressing that. So he's probably taking his anger out on you, and maybe he thinks that if he gets you mad enough, you'll start to hate him, and that'll make it easier for him to get over you. But I could be completly wrong, because I don't know him-but that's what I would guess. As for getting a better friendship with him, I would give him a little space for some time-maybe like a week or so, and only talk to him occasionally-like if he calls you, only talk for 5 minutes-tell him you're late for an appointment or something. Keep it short and sweet. If things get better with him, then maybe that's all he needed-time to cool down. If not, then you need to talk to him. Tell him what's bothering you, and figure out why he's acting the way he is. Hopefully that'll work things out, but if not, then I'm running low on ideas. Let me know how things go, and maybe I will have thought of something else. good luck!!!
my best friends boy friend tells me who to be and tells me this and makes fun of my bffls friends..look> B-arri-g-o-80: okay ill just keep my trend going then grow a few inches and tell kelly to drop a fewpounds
my friend kelly is a little overweight.im really short.. what can i tell my bff to tell him to stop with out getting a into a big thing over it?
i think you should talk to your friend, and tell her what he's saying, and make sure she's ok with you talking to him about it yourself. it's gonna make much more of an impact on the situation if you talk to him yourself. good luck!
okay i have had these 2 friends for a long time and they are 2 of my best friends. lets call them dory and marsha..
but then i got a 15 year old bf who i had liked for a long time. who they doubted i could ever get with... total lake of confidence... but then you see i am also friends with marsha's sisters... when i stopped dating jon ( 15 ) i found out stuff from marsha and her sister that he told like 4 people... the thing is they didnt call me right away to tell me these things right away. and then marsha's sister stated dating him... she asked me AFTER they started dating... lake of respect!! Well here it gets down to everything:
okay well dory and marsha have been friends for way longer they treat each other better (i think) and tell me they are better friends becuase they have known eachother longer... i dont believe that length of time makes a relationship stronger or anything... hard work and effort makes a relationship strong... well they alwasy tell eachother things and i have to pry things out of them... like when one of them has family problems she always tells the other and she brings it up but then like goes "opps i wasnt suposoe to say that..." i ask her wut its abotu she says "nothing i cant say i swore not to." well they always do that 2 me... someitmes they kind of ignore me... like jsut reply with ok... un huh... and yea. stuff liek that.
today dory needed to talk to marsha abotu something... i asked her why she couldnt talk to me... she said " well marsha always says the irght thing and thats what i need " she like went on like that and i flipped out i mean i am not perfect but i dont say the wrong thing constently and marsha isnt clsoe to perfect either... infact she says the wrong thng to me all the time... it makes me furious!! I mean i had a great reason to flip out ... i started telling her everything i told you above and she says " well sometimes i tell marsha stuff and other times i tell you" the only problem is she never tells me anything!!
then she said "that she was wasting her time talking about this..." she was wasting her time listening to my problem... that makes me mad!!!
now like me and her are in a fight and i dotn know
what to do... dont tell me 2 apologize because all i wanted was to be there for her! pelase help me
i know this was long but PLEASE!!
-beccers_boo
i rate honestly!!
you just need to talk to her and make sure she understands that you were trying to help her, and not get you two in a fight. sit her down and talk about what's bothering her, and what's bothering you, and you guys should be able to work it out! but you're right, if you were just trying to help, you shouldn't have to appologize! good luck!
Two of my friends just broke up over the weekend after a 8 month relationship. She dumped him and yet shes still very posessive of him. I've had a past relationships with him and I get him so ever since they broke up him and I have been talking more. But shes getting mad at me for sticking up for him when she talks crap about him and she says how I better not start liking him again which makes me think is this what friends do to each other? and Is she really being a bad ex girlfriend about the whole thing?
your friend was going out with him for a long time, so chances are she's upset about it, and may not mean all the things she says. and that isn't what friends to do each other, but good friends don't go out with their friends ex...now i don't know if you two were friends when you dated him, and if you were then she was at fault first. but if not then it's not as big a deal, specially if it didn't bother u. what you do with him is your own business, and you are allowed to talk him as much as you want. just realize that she's probably hurting, and having you stick up for him isn' twhat she needs-unless she's truely speaking crap, then u'd be a bad friend to him not to stick up for him. its tough being in the middle like that, but i'm sure u can work things out. if you need to, just tlak to her and see what the real reason is behind her getting so upset about things. best of luck
Well, let me start off by saying me and my best friend camaran have been best friends forever. Well, over the years her mother, Tara, has been having some prblems. She is overweight, smokes, and drinks. Well, about a month ago she got into a car accident from "Drinking Under the Influence". The police scheduled her to have a court day yesterday. But with her illness symptoms, she couldn't make it show she wrote a letter to the judge. Obviously they didn't care and had her arrested for not going to court. She was in jail all last night, but was let out this afternoon. Now they're rescheduling her court date sometime in January. After court she is going to be arrested and go to jail for "Drinking Under the Influence" and causing harm to another person. (she hit the other car when she was drunk and the person who she hit had to go to the hospital)
that's a really tough situation. the best you can do is show Camaran that you are there for her no matter what, and if she ever needs to talk, you are more than happy to listen. but don't force anything. chances are this is a really rough time for her, and she might even feel a little embarrassed about it, eventhough she shouldn't, so it might be hard for her to talk about it at first. give her space, but make sure she knows ur there for her unconditionally, and when she's ready to talk, she's lucky to have a friend like you there and ready to listen. hope everything turns out ok.
Well okay, here's my situation... My parents work all the time and I usually need a ride... Well my friend opted for the position and I know I do at times get annoying and ask a lot of her parents to take me around and do errands because my own parents can't... So, I give her parents gifts and things like that to thank them for taking me around... And now my friend is really getting agitated about her having to drive me around all the time when her parents don't mind at all... So.. What should I do because I mean I'm always nice to her and her parents but she is just getting on me for asking her parents to take me around...
i could see where she could get annoyed if you asked her to do it, but from what you said, she opted for the position, so in reality she has no reason to be annoyed. and everyone can get annoying at times, so it's nothing to have to appologize for. you getting her parents gifts is so sweet, and should show how thankful you are to have her as a friend, and how thankful you are for her parents driving you around. you should deffinatly talk to her and tell her that you really appreciate her and her parents driving you around, but if she really doesn't like it, you could find someone else. but if her parents don't mind, i dont' see why she would/should. hope this helped, and good luck!
I am a 16 yr. old female and I have a question to ask you.What sould i do if my best friend has told a total private secert about my childhood and private life that she wasn't suppose to tell anybody?
you should talk to your friend. let her know that you really really don't appreciate her telling private secrets about your life to other people, because you trusted her enough in the first place to tell it to her. make sure she understands that what she did really hurt you, and be cautious about what you tell her in the future to make sure she doesn't tell anyone else. everyone tells other people things about other people that they're not supposed to...it's a fact of life. but if they're a really good friend, and if the secret really was private, they should be able to know what is "ok" to tell other people, and what they really should keep to themselves. hope this helped!
I have been cutting myself for a while now. My best friend Dylan knows about it and he wants to me stop. It is very hard to stop doing because it is addicting. Dylan and I got in a big fight last friday because he found out the night before I slit the crap outts my arms. He cares about me alot but I honestly dont want him to care. He always tells me that he loves me and I tell him not too. I hate when he tells me he loves me bc he only loves me as a friend and I wish that he loved me as more. I am in love with him. He hung up on me last friday and it is monday and we havent talked since. IDK what to do. Is he gonna stick by me through these times of pain or abandon me. If I love him should I stop doing what I have been doing and try to get some help. PLZ help me!
regardless of whether u love him or not, you should deffinatly stop doing what you have been doing and try to get some help. it is clear that Dylan cares about you very much, because he sees that what you are doing is horrible for you. i'm sure Dylan will stay by you, but it's really hard sometimes because often people aren't sure how to help people who cut themselves. but please, PLEASE get some help, and stop cutting yourself. i guarantee that your life will be better.
I'm very overshadowed by my best friend. She's a very flirtatious, outgoing, redheaded vixen and everyone wants to be friends with her. Now, I don't mind it so much, I'm happy that she is well liked by people, but it's the fact that I seem to be getting less and less attention from her every time she meets somebody new. Especially guys. Every guy she meets has had a crush on her. (Except, thankfully, my CURRENT boyfriend...note that I said CURRENT..ex-boyfriends are another story) And often times she has crushes on them, but she still has to complain about them liking her. She seems to treat me like a child and she's the "All-knowing-one", especially when it comes to relationships, and it's really starting to piss me off! She steals my jokes and claims them as her own OFTEN and she says that I'm a bad friend because I once decided to stay with my boyfriend instead of going to hang out with her, while she has ditched me many a time to hang out with guys. (I can think of two instances from just last week.) I'm really bothered by her, yet I remain her friend and most of the time I really don't know why. And I want to talk to her about this, but I've tried before and she always apologizes and then forgets about it two days later.
And when it's just her and I things are fine! We have a great time and everyone's happy and once again I've become the comedian between the two of us, (material she later steals from me to use in front of her flirting victims), but when it comes to boys I'm completly ignored and she's off in the corner creating some sort of drama. It's weird for me, because before I befriended her I was always the center of attention among the group. I was the loud, funny, loving one who everyone wanted to give hugs because I would gladly dish them out. And now it seems like nobody has any time for me because they all want to be with her. Like she's taken all of my friends, but still claims that I'm her best one.
What should I do? I know the most logical thing would be to stop being friends with her, but we've been together for so long and we have most of our friends in common with each other, so there really would be no way to avoid hanging out with her.
wow that's a tough situation. i know what it's like to be with someone who's the center of attention, and you often feel left out and kind of stuck in the corner cause no one notices you. she seems like a person that puts on a fake personality when around other people besides you, becuase you said she's fine around you. some people are so insecure about themselves that they need to be loud and flirty to have a lot of people like them to boost their self-confidence. she seems like the perfect candidate. i wouldnt suggest stopping being friends with her, mainly because you do share most of the same friends, so that would create a little bit of awkwardness in the group. but i would suggest talking to her again, and telling her that you appreciate her appologizing, but that you only want to hear it if she actually means it-if she'll actually try to change. i'd say try to seperate yourself from her a little, but i don't think that will help. maybe try talking to some of your other friends, and see if they feel the same way. you may not be able to see it, but chances are some of them do. and maybe if enough of you feel the same way, you can all talk to her, as a group often makes more of an impact than one person. sorry this wasn't much help, but i wish u the best of luck!
my friends always ask me personal questions like "who do you like" .. but i dont know if i should tell them bcuz they might tell other people ... how do you know when you can trust your friends?
if they're your friends, you should be able to trust them no matter what. but if you have any doubt, maybe you just don't know them well enough, or maybe you need to find new friends who you can trust. you will know when you can trust your friends when you don't have to ask that question.
I have a friend,Megan which I have been practically sisters with my whole life. I've known her for 6 years and we basically grew up together. I also have this other friend,Kelsy, which I have known for about 4 or 5 years, and is also extremely close with me. Megan and Kelsy have also been close for years,too. Kelsy is starting not to like Megan anymore, due to a drunk night when Megan got with the guy that Kelsy liked. I know it was wrong, but I've known Megan for half my life and I can't just drop her like that. Kelsy might get mad if she knows that I still want to be friends with Megan, because everytime she says something about Megan, I always agree by saying I'm not talking to her anymore either. What are your opinions on this?
first of all, by telling kelsy that you're not going to talk to megan anymore is just going to make things worse, becaues she'll find out that you're still talking to her, and then she'll be mad at you for lying to her. you really shouldn't have to make the decision about who to be friends with, because this isn't your problem. its a problem between megan and kelsy that they have to work out. you can still be freidns with both of them, but just be aware that they might talk about each other behind their backs to you, and all three of you may not be able to hang out. but, if like you said megan was drunk, then kelsy has a little less reason to be mad at megan. but, i would suggest talking to megan and kelsy, and making them talk to each other, and try and figure things out. if megan feels bad about what she did, she should appologize and let kelsy know that she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing, and that she still wants to be friends. if kelsy really still wants to be friends with her, she should be able to forgive her, and then things might be a little tense for a little, but they should work out. hope this helped, and best of luck!
okay... I'm a fourteen year-old female in my freshman year of high school. I'm also an advicenator, but I suck at giving good rational advice to myself. Now here's the problem: I have trouble talking on the phone, even with friends, but especially with guys I like. I have lots of self confidence and I'm really talkative online and in person... but the phone? I will admit that since I've moved I've become more shy, but I've always had this phone issue. I know that often in conversations I use things around me and improvise... so it's harder on the phone. What should I talk about? Why am I *nervous*? Any advice at all would be much appreciated because I have no clue how to not to be like this and I know this guy is going to call my sometime... I'll rate or comment if you want... thanks!
wow you sound just like me 2 years ago when i was a sophmore in highschool! i had a HUGE phone phobia, except with my two best girlfriends. other than that, i couldn't speak on the phone for the life of me. when my boyfriend and i started dating, we would talk on the phone occassionally, and it would always only be about 5 minutes long, and mostly silence. i hated it, and wanted to get better at it. so what i did was i made a bet with my best friend. i said that if i talked, like actually talked on the phone to my bf for 15 minutes, she would do something embarassing at school the next day. and it worked! i got up the nerve to call him, and was able to talk for 15 minutes. what i did was just pretended that i was talking face to face with the person. talk about your day, ask him how his was, talk about random stuff that happened. if you don't know him well, talk about movies, books, music, school, stuff like that. once the conversation gets started, it should be easy! just don't worry about it, and say whatever comes to mind. good luck, and i hope this helped!
Our nice little group of friends is going through a bunch of crap. And, yes, I did in fact mean CRAP. The deal is simple. A lot of us have realized how extremely bad the school year has been going. We seem to be growing apart, and getting more and more agrivated with one another. The things is, we really really want to stay friends, but all of us want different things. Some of us wish that everything at school wasn't treated like one big joke, and need someone to talk to. Others wish things were like last year when we all were carefree and didn't have a worry in the world (meaning never did have serious conversations at school).
The biggest thing is that no one feels that they can talk to anyone. Everyone feels very alone this year. Especially because two of our friends moved away over the summer.
We want to have a good relationship with eachother, but are pretty much clueless on how to accomplish this goal. So, how can we bring our group back together?
Thanks
it's a fact of life, people change and grow apart, and usually there's not a whole lot you can do about it. but if you all agree that you still want to be friends with each other, maybe try planning an outing, or a get together, where you guys can bond, and chances are the fact that you guys are drifting will come up (and if it doesn't, bring it up!) that way you guys can all share your feelings as to why you feel like you're drifting from each other, and maybe there's something going on in some of their lives that no one knows about which is making it awkward for everyone. if you guys are really good friends, just sitting down with everyone and talking about it should help get feelings and emotions out into the air. hopefully no one has a specific issue with anyone, because then that could get bad. but otherwise that should help, and you guys should be able to figure things out then and there, and then things should be better! good luck, and i hope this helps!
Hi, i went to skewl at a catholic skewl, but we lived with my grandmom so we moved away, far away. I like my neew house and all but now i live really far away from my best friends. I miss them a lot and i call them a lot. But i keep getting scared thinking that in like 1 month we wont be friends anymore. Its a scary thought and we probably wont be friends 4ever. But i'm 13 yrs old and it would be great if we could be friends till we get our licenses (driving). Does any1 kno how we can be friends that long?
if you guys are meant to be friends forever, or at least a while, you will be. i just recently went to college, 1800 plus miles away from all my best friends, including my boyfriend of 2 years. it was the hadest thing i ever had to do, so i know exactly what you're going through. after being here for 3 months, i realized that things aren't going to change between me and my closest friends, because even tho we can only see each other 3-4 times a year, that doesn't mean we won't still be best friends. you just have to keep talking to them, but at the same time make sure that you make new friends in your new town, otherwise you will be miserable. it'll be hard, but hopefully you will be able to see them every now and then between now and the time you get your licenses, because it will reasure you that you guys can make it until then. be strong, and have faith that if you were meant to be friends, you will be. i hope this helped, and best of luck adjusting. if you need anymore help, please don't hesitate to ask me
There's this friend I have and her name is Kellen. She's really sweet, quiet, a good friend, and she's 15. And she has this boyfriend who is 18 and his name is Nick. He's fun, loud, and likes to mess around with everybody while Kellen is usually the girl in the back (I mean the girl who doesn't say anything unless she definetley has to answer). And last Sunday, Kellen, Nick, and I were hanging out at the mall. Kellen went to get ice cream for all of us and I stayed with Nick at the table. And Nick said "Well, you're getting more and more beautiful day by day. One of these days you'll be mine." I didn't say anything because I was embarrassed (and because I'm only 14). And Kellen came back and I pretended nothing happened because I also felt bad for Kellen. What should I do? Should I tell Kellen? Or should I leave it alone?
i agree with what most people have said so far, that if you let it go chances are it will just get worse, and Kellen will end up getting hurt worse than necessary. if you are a good friend to her, tell her what happened. tell her that he just randomly came on to you, and that you wanted her to know that he might be doing this to other poeple, not just you. also be sure that she knows that you have no feelings for Nick whatsoever, so that his coming on to you was completly one-sided-that you did nothing to initiate it. also be sure to tell her that you wanted her to hear it from you first, and you didn't want her to get hurt. that's a real tough situation, and for you to have to deal with it when you're only 14 kind of sucks. i hope this helped, and i hope everything works out! let me know what happens
(13 yr old girl)ok so me and my friend (lets call her Ashley) were best friends. But they i started middle school and we had this big fight over nothing! And a new friend i met in middle school, lets call her Mary, would tell me what Ashley said about me and Mary would tell Ashley what i said about her... and this caused us to fight even more!! She just got in the middle constantly and like now we dont talk anymore.. question : should i be friends with Mary even though she split me and my BFF apart ..
p.s- Mary is friends with ashley .. and mary is friends with me now .. (but idk if thats a big mistake)
well people do change, and im not exactly sure if it was entirely mary's falt for splitting you and ashley apart in the first place, considering you said that you two were in a fight before you even met mary. sure she shouldn't have told ashley everything you said, and she shouldnt have told you everything ashley said, but chances are she was just trying to help, but instead ended up ruining things even more. its up to you if you want to be friends with mary, but i would suggest talking to ashley to straighten things out, assuming you still want to be friends with her. chances are it was all just a big misunderstanding, and if she still wants to be your friend, then she'll understand and then all three of you can be friends. just make sure you tell mary that you appreciate her trying to help, but next time you guys have trouble, to let you deal with it on your own. hope this helped
Hey, i think u give really good advice so i wanted to ask u something..
I met this guy, Nick, about a month ago. He's 17 and I'm 15. I heard he liked me and he asked me out and while we were talking I found out he had a girlfriend, so i guess he just asked me out as a friend. But then a few days later we talked and he said he broke up with his girlfriend, and then for some reason he assumed that he and I were now in a relationship, or were going to soon be in one. I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it. The next day I told Nick I was too young for him since I had just started dating. I told him i wanted to get to know him better first. But now i think he still likes me and he thinks i like him, but i dont. He calls me/texts me every day, and he asks me out almost every weekend. I thought i had made it clear to him i just wanted to be his friend, but maybe when i said i wanted to get to know him better, he took it differently then i intended it. He asked me to a dance, and not knowing what to do, i told him i would go. But now i dont want to go, and i dont want to hurt him because he is going through a lot of shit right now with his life and i dont want to make his life any harder right now. How do i tell Nick to stop calling and asking me out so much, and that i cant go to the dance, without hurting him?
thanks in advance
Wow. That's a tough situation. now the main question is, do you want to be friends with him? at this point it seems like it would be kind of difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who seems so needy. based on the fact that he clearly didn't get the message that you're not interested, but yet still calls and text messages you all the time, i would be hesitant about going into any sort of relationship with him. i've seen people that get sucked into relationships with guys like that-who are very needy and pushy, and it sometimes turns abusive. but i'm not trying to scare you, because this isn't always the case. but to get him to stop calling you and asking you out so much, the only thing i can think of is to slowly stop talking to him as much. for example, don't answer his texts all the time, when he calls don't always answer you're phone, and always say you're busy on the weekends. i know this doens't sound nice, but since you already told him that you just wanted to be friends, there seems to be no other option. unless you want to try talking to him again. you might want to sit him down and really make sure he understands that you just want to be friends, and nothing more, and that him calling you all the time isn't necessary. then if that still doesn't work, try not talking to him as much. my friend has done that before, and it's always worked, and we've never heard of the guy being heartbroken after. as for the dance, unless you're really good at lying (which i'm not), you should probably still go, and maybe that would be a good time to talk to him about just being friends. i hope i helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! let me know how it turns out!