ccupcake07's advice column | ccupcake07's Advice About Friendship

askccupcake07

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: 14/f.

One of my closest friends, Cody, is like my younger brother. We're very close, and I'm worried about him.
He's my age and he's a stoner, which I have no problem with since I am, too.
But, he's already having sex. He's already had sex with two girls! One was Arlena, who we all now hate, and the other is his current girlfriend, Alicia. I know it's his life and everything, but he does it SO OFTEN. Like, every Wednesday. One time, she was actually freaking out because she thought she was pregnant. He's a good person, though. He loves her, and he talks about marrying her and all that crap.

But should I tell him to slow down or what?

Thanks in advance

I definitely think you should talk to him about it. You don't want him to make a mistake that could cause the future of his whole life ruined. He is very young and needs to have fun doing other things. What i would do, is talk to him about your concern and tell him the consenquences of doing these things. If he dosen't listen to you, or take your advice, then at least you tried. It's good that you are looking out for him and being a good friend. Good luck!

Q: ok well i have been with my boyfriend for 10 months..................he always hangs out wit my "bff" like every day! we broke up for like 2 weeks.......and my friend was tellin him not to get back wit me..............i stopped talkin to her!im just scared they are doin something............he is always defending her and comparing me to her!!!!!11111 i just cant stand it anymore......what should i do? help me please

Wow! That would aggravate me. What i would do is tell the guy "Are you dating me or her?" Tell him how you feel about him comparing you to next time he does it. It's not right that he is doing that. As for your friend, i wouldn't talk to her anymore. If she dosen't want you two dating, she isn't a true friend. Tell her how you feel about it also. Hope this helps! Good luck.

Q: Okay so here's the story. My friend, we'll call her Suzy, had a boyfriend, we'll call him Bob. Suzy really liked Bob, and Bob supposedly really liked Suzy so they started going out. They kept on getting into fights and breaking up and all that stuff. In the end, though, they always got back together.
Last night Bob texted me asking for advice saying that he just broke up with Suzy and then his ex just asked him out. He asked me what to do. I gave him the advice that I would give anyone in that situation, no matter if they were going out with my friend or my enemy.
I told him that it's his choice on what to do, and that if he feels really comfortable with his ex then he should go for it. I told him that it's his choice and that he should do whatever makes him happy (because he's a really depressed person and I was worried that he'd... do something drastic to himself if he got really mad or something). He took my advice I'm pretty sure, and now I think Suzy is super mad at me.
Did I make the right decision on giving that advice to Bob or not? What should I have done and what can I do to get Suzy to forgive me?

Well, i can see it from your perspective and her perspective to. I know that if i was suzy and you were my friend, i would be a little mad. I wouldn't of given him advice in the first place, i would of just stayed out of it. But, since you already did that, i would explain everything to suzy as you did on here. Tell her your sorry if you ruined what they had and everything and even if she dosen't forgive you, she knows you tried to become friends with her agin. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Q: I was supposed to go to my friend's sweet 16 this past weekend at some hotel. Well I wound up not going because I got mad sick. So I get to school today and my friend, who was at my bffs sweet 16, told me that my bff [the one who turned 16] invited 5 guys up to the suite. I don't know how many guys actually went to the suite but my bff gave this guy who is 17 a head. this was her first bj she ever gave a guy and then he fingered her and she had freaking butt sex with him. WTF. and she didn't even tell me, I had to hear it from my friend. my bff hasnt even ever had normal sex and now shes not even a virgin [because sex is sex] and she did this with a guy she JUST MET and omg i think its so wrong. her first time was up the butt. I don't know what to do, I want to talk to her about it, but my friend said I can't mention anything to her because she said that everyone in the suite heard it and said it was sooooo gross. I'm actually pretty pissed at her, do I have a right to be? and i'm also worried that she's heading down the wrong path because she had to get her stomach pumped over the summer and she got high alotttt. ive never had a drink in my life, and ive never done any drugs whatsoever, i hate what it does to people. I feel like I'm losing her and I don't want her to become this out of control person she is becoming. I'm also 16 and i really don't know if I have a right to be mad at her. I don't know if I should talk to her. I don't know if this is even NORMAL for a 16 year old who tranferred to my highschool from a strict CATHOLIC school to be doing. wtf. any input. how would you guys feel? please answer all of my questions, I'm so emotional and confused right now. thank you.

I would go up to her and say you have been hearing it around school and you wanted to talk to her about it. Ask her any questions that you heard, and just explain to her the whole situation. You shouldn't feel bad for being worried. It does sound like she is on the wrong path. So i would help her and talk to her about everything. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Q: One of my friends wants myself and 2 other girls to go to a concert this weekend for her birthday. However, there is a Christmas party at one of my mom's friends house that i go to every year the same day as this concert. I did not make a commitment to go to the christmas party but it was kind of a given that I would go considering i go every year. My best friend says she can't go to the concert without me because she has a curefew and would have no where to stay after if I didn't go ( the plan was to let all the girls stay at my house if I decide to go). I don't have a big interest in going to the concert however i feel the need to go now because if i don't go, my best friend will not be allowed to go and they all need a place to stay. I know i will not have a good time.. i'm just in one of those depressed moods i guess. Any advice on how to make it fun? I have not even heard of the band or the bands playing with the main one.

I would just go ahead and go to the Christmas party. You will have more fun and you won't have to spend money on a concert you really don't want to be at. Just tell your friends that you would rather do that and you are really sorry. If you don't want to say that, tell them your not feeling well, your parents won't let you have them over, etc. I would go to the party where i know i would have more fun. Hope this helps!

Q: 18/f
so i use to be close to this girl. but we went to different schools and we just...stopped talking for awhile. well then we hung out every now and then and then stopped talking again and lately she was asking what i was doing because she wanted to get together, and i was always busy. so last night i texted her and was like, what are you doing tomorrow night? we should go to dinner and she was like yeah!! and so then tonight i met up with her at a restaurant and we were catching up on everything, and i was like oh you got a new phone and she was like ya! here look, and she gave it to me. well i was looking at everything and i went to her texts and i saw that she was like talking about me to another friend (i use to talk to her too) and she was texting her about how i asked her to go to dinner out of no where, and how it's all awkward and the girl was like ask her about college and she was like well then what!! and she was like it's just awkward. i didn't think it was awkward at all and so when i saw that i was like wow i feel stupid now. she is talking about me to someone else, saying how it was random how i asked to go to dinner, and how it's all awkward (but it really wasn't?) and i told her like everything that was going on in my life, all my problems and everything i've been going through and now i was like okay..sweet. guess i can't trust anyone anymore? i just wanted to leave after that because i felt so stupid. i don't know what to do. am i stupid for feeling so dumb about this?

No, you aren't wrong for feeling that way. It's normal. I wouldn't take it personal though. Girls are like that all the time. They get worked up over stuff. I'm sure it was nothing in her terms. Maybe you could ask her, "Did you think last night was awkward at dinner?" Then tell her how you felt. You don't nesceraily have to tell her you saw her texts. Hope this helps!

Q: Seventeen.Female//bestfriend is Nineteen.Male
okay so ive known my bestfriend since i was born. Like literally he's been around that long. Now he's only been my bestfriend for like 2 years but he's always been here for me. Well, him and his ex girlfriend broke up like a month and a half ago and ive been helping him through it, which has been going good for him and whatever. Well he's recently started seeing this one girl who he seems to really be into. well im extremely happy for him because he's no longer depressed and whatever. Well this is where it gets tricky. He flips out on his ex-girlfriend all the time cause he thinks shes going to find someone else, well he's finding someone else so its not fair for her. Another thing, me and him just recently began fighting a lot over the dumbest things in the world. Well now he is refusing to talk to me, and ignores me when he's at my house which is retardedd. Well this girl he's recently trying to get with, is a big time partier and a druggie, well he doesn't like that stuff in a relationship and i know she is for a fact. And i think if i tell him he wont believe me and he'll think im jealous and not wanna talk to me for even longer. Us not talking is killing me because he's the only person i can trust. And if he doesn't find out the truth about this girl, i know he's going to end up getting hurt and i wont sit around and watch him get hurt again. He's too good to get hurt and he's been hurt too much already. I don't know what to do =/ Should i tell him about this girl? I dont knoww, any input on any of this. Anything would be absolutely amazing. Thank youuu.

I would tell him the truth. Even if he gets mad at you, he knows that he has been warned if he gets hurt by the girl. Also, if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him, he would probably be upset so i would go ahead and tell him what you know. It will be better in the long run. Hope this helps!

Q: so my best friend is a boy, which tends to make people think we're dating.. all of the time. haha. but the other night he finally told me that he has started to avoid being alone with me because he doesnt want either of us to miss out on relationships because people think we're dating.
that really bothers me because hes my best friend. we're supposed to be able to do things alone instead of having to wait and see if someone else can hang out as well. how do i convince him that he shouldnt care what others think and to stop avoiding times when we're alone?

I would just ask him to hang out with u, just the two of you and if he says no or to bring another person, tell him how u feel about yall being friends and you should be able to hang out alone without caring what people think about you to. Hope this helps!

Q: Well, if you read my other questions, you know me and my "bestfriend" both 'like' the same guy, although i don't think she ilkes him. .. but whatever.
So now she's being a complete witch(if you know what i mean) to me. And she doesn't think so. But i know so, everyone says she treats me bad, but she thinks opposite, that I treat her bad.
We've been bestfriends since second grade, and I don't want that to end. But i don't know if i can handle how rude and witchy* she's been to me. I tell her about it, but all she does is 'backfire' it, and say it back to me. HELP! What should i do ? :/

I would give her some space and let her realize that you are a good friend and that she wants you to still be her friend. I'm not saying don't talk to her, just talk to her a little less and start talking to other people more. If you don't want to do this, i would tell her you need to talk to her. Then i would have a sit down or a phone convo and tell her EVERYTHING that is on your mind and how she treats you. Don't yell at her, just tell her nicely and never say anything mean so she knows your being serious and your just having a friend to friend conversation. Hope this helps!

Q: My friend is driving me nuts. Every day she calls to complain about her 15-year-old daughter. She spent the last two years trying to transform the girl from a quiet tomboy into Miss Popularity... and she's obsessed with her daughter getting a boyfriend. She's forced her to wear makeup and jewelry and dye her hair and wear certain clothes, and she made her try out for cheerleading, even though the girl didn't want to. She restricts her diet so she won't get "fat", and makes the girl work out and run three miles every day.

Up until recently, she'd complain to me about the fights they'd have when her daughter resisted these things. But she's finally gotten what she wanted - the girl has been completely transformed - and now she's complaining about that!

Now the girl is just as obsessed with boys and popularity as the mother is. She's gone from being a straight-A student to failing several classes. The counselor has advised her to drop down to an easier schedule, but the mother won't do it because there are boys she likes in those classes and the girl would "throw a fit."

Instead of making her stay home and study, she lets her go out every night - god forbid she should miss a social event and a chance to increase her popularity! So mom stays home and does her homework for her... if she can figure out what it is. The girl never writes down her assignments, because she can't see the board. Does she wear her glasses, I ask? Oh, no! She'd never do that - they make her look ugly! Can she ask the teacher to let her sit closer to the board? Oh, no! She likes the friends she's sitting by! So mom goes online each night, finds the assignments and does the work so her daughter can go mingle with boys. On the few occassions that she's tried to make her stay home and study, the girl threw such a fit that the mom "had" to give in or she'd make her life miserable.

She won't make the girl take any responsibility... yet she calls me every day, whining about how the poor thing is doing so badly in school, how mouthy and belligernet she's become - and how she can't do anything about it!

I'm getting so sick of hearing about this. And I'd love to knock some sense into her and say, "Can't you see that this is all your fault!?? Is pimping off your daughter really that important to you??" But I usually just sit and listen, because I can't think of a nice way to say it.

Do you think I should say something? I doubt she'd listen, but it's really hard keeping my mouth shut!

I would talk to her and tell her how you feel about it next time she talks about it. Tell her your point of view and how everyone should be their own person. Hope this helps!

Q: For the past month or so, my best friend has been at soccer camp. There, she met a boyfriend, and from what I understand, they hang out together all day long.

I've been talking to her recently, and I noticed a change for the worse. Her new attitude towards life is "EFF it all".

School is starting soon, so I asked the typical "What are you going to wear for the first day?"
And her response was "I don't really give a crap. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to school to get good grades and do well in soccer".

That has basically been her response to any subject I have raised whether it be school, the people there, life. I commend her for being so determined, I guess, but I think she has a really bad attitude. And I want to talk about silly girl things, or where we want to go in life without getting a harsh "I don't give a crap." or the underlying belief

"I'm going to make the state soccer team, I don't care about other stupid teenagers. Just me and my boyfriend. No one understands me" etc. etc.

It is possible this could change when we actually get back to school since she her boyfriend lives across the country, and while she'll still play soccer, it's not 24/7.

What do I do? What can I do?

Well if her boyfriend lives across the country she probably will change back to who she was before. When you talk to her, it will just come back naturally. If she dosen't, then act like she is acting if she asks you a question or something and if she's like "gosh, why the bad attitude?" Then you can tell her that's the way she's been acting and tell her what you feel. If you don't want to do that then the next time she gives a remark like that just say, why are you so negative all the time anymore? Just talk to her and tell her what you feel and i'm sure she will come around. It might just be a phase. My friend went through a phase like that and i talked to her about it and she eventually came around. Hope this helps!

Q: Okay, so my friend mentioned a "forced relationship", what is that? i searched it on urbandictionary & google.. i couldn't really find anything!

A forced relationship is when someone might not want to be in the relationship but someone is making them do it or otherwise. Hope this helps!

Q: So here goes:
My dad was in the military for a long time. Several decades you could say. So, my whole life, we'd move around to a new duty station every 2-4 years. I'm fifteen now and my dad finally retired. Now I'm living in my 'permanent house'.
But I'm coming up on my fifth anniversary of living here and I'm feeling antsy. Like, I feel like it's time to just get up and leave you know? This is the longest I've ever lived in one place...
I feel as though I've subconsciously already 'prepared' for the move that just isn't going to happen. I've had falling-outs with most of my friends and I've gone through and gotten rid of stuff in my room that I don't feel I need wherever we're going. But we aren't going anywhere. I stopped caring for my relationships for other people and so on a few months ago. And now looking back, I think it's because I figured I'd have a chance to start over in a new place. But I don't.
It's basically just that my mind I suppose thought I was leaving. But I'm not. So now my life is a mess and I don't know how to set it right.
Is there any way to break this cycle of 'preparing' to move?

Get back together with your friends and tell them about the situation that you are in. Tell them you are used to packing up and you really aren't moving this time. I really don't think there is a way to break the cycle execpt by just not giving your stuff away...etc..you'll get used to the permanent thing soon. Hope this helps!

Q: Hey guys. I'll be turning 16 on the 29th and I was planning on having a party with about 17 or 18 people, both boys and girls (5 guys, 12 girls or something like that). I don't live in a neighborhood, my house is pretty secluded, and I don't have a pool. So I was wondering if anyone had some good ideas as to what we could do. We can always watch a movie, but I feel like that might be too boring to do the entire time. Thanks to any suggestions!

You can play games like truth or dare or spin the bottle. You can turn music on and have a dance contest. You can play games with food and just be creative. Hope this helps.

Q: me and my best friend have been friends for a while we do everything together but here lately she has been telling me that my boyfriend was making out with his ex girlfriend and that he was cheating on me and when i ask him about it and my other friends they tell me that they havnt ever seen him kiss another girl and that he would never cheat on me but because of what my best friend it caused me and my boyfriend to break up so i dont know what to do any more.

It depends on who you trust more. Have they ever lied to you? If i were you i would believe the one who hasn't lied to you ever, and once you find out if he did that or not, if he didn't, i wouldnt consider being her friend. Hope i helped.

Q: ok so i have this friend her name is lizsandra. her recent boyfriend dumped her and he didnt tell her why he just said he wanted to be friends with her.so today at school she was in the girls bathroom making she was making herself through up and shes thinking of commmiting susicide what advice should i give her?

See an adult and tell them immediatly!!!!
This is the only way to save her life!!!

Q: okay i have this friend..we'll call her A. so me and A have been friends for 5 years now and 2 years ago she got really mad and turned all my friends against me for about 6 months. well last year my life was starting to come back together..i got my friends back and it just seemed alot better. well apparently she wasn't done with trying ruin my life. for spring break..which was april 11th for me i took A to myrtle beaCH WITH me adn my family..she was a bitch to me wihle we were there. she treated me like i was absolute shit and it was annoying but since she was the guest i had to be nice..we got home after that week an d we didnt talk as much and then we were working together in spanish class and shes really really dumb in spanish..like always asks me for answers and we have a regents this yr that its mandatory yoou pass. so we were working together and she goes how do you spell bicicleta i go sound it out and she like threw her paper and got so mad at me i was like uh..okay. well this happened last thursday and shes still mad! like ik its the dumbest reason but AGAIN shes trying to turn people against me. she commented me on myspace nd goes not trying to start anything but keep ym name out of your mouth..i didnt asnwer cause im sick of her shit and she told my friend that if i didnt answer she would text me and if i didnt answer the text she woulod come up to me and bitch me out and beat my ass..i think its pathetic to be honest. but ik soon she will want to be my friend again but she does this to me so much im just gonna tell her im done with her bc she considered me her best friend and thats not how you treat a best friend. idk what im really asking i guess i just need help on this whole situation..

Well, she sounds like a really bad friend and if i were you i would quit hanging around with her. I had this same situation kind of and the girl would get all my friends to not be my friends but i didnt let it get to me, and i just quit being all of their friends and it made me feel a whole lot better. I was never stressed anymore. My grades also went up. So, what i would do is just stop talking to her and if she takes your friends away, you will find better new ones because if they are going to act like that to you, they aren't your friends anyways. Hope this helps and if you have any other questions feel free to message me!

Q: lauren and i have been best friends since 6th grade, now were freshman. we always have had major fights over stupid things that last a while or not long at all. well weve been good for a while now, not much fighting but shes like never satisfied with her froup of friends, like we have one group thats like our normal friends that she has over her house. then in school, she has to be the center of attention and is like friends with like everyone and now people are talking i think. shes gone from britt in 6th grade, to me, (big fight, during the fight) mel, then me, then now sarah and nicole and now back to me. as best friends. i feel hurt because i dont know why she does that and i dont want to leave her because when we are at our best its awesome. so ive been good friends with britt for a long time and shes kind of person who doesnt care what people think and is a bitch at times. well she talks a lot of shit but is really funny. lauren hates her, well maybe not hate, i guess doesnt like/trust and i dont trust her either but we went to the mall tonight and were talking over coffee and she started talking about all ^ (and laurens boyfriend problems, they break up a million times a month) so thinking id be a good friend, i texted lauren to tell her all of what britt told me and now lauren is mad at me, she said "ashlee wanna know the truth, now i dont trust you because your hanging out with britney so i gotta go bye." like omg i dont have a big group of friends like she does, i need britt because im not good at making friends (i can talk easily to people but like getting to the hanging out point im awful at) so with britt shes normally around. i just dont know what to say (lauren gets defensive and can turn the whole conversation around and make it my fault) i dont think she takes the truth well. i dont know what to do so that i can be her best friend i understand high school changes people and i accept her new ways i just wanna stop the fighting and be back to normal and have her stop leaving me for sarah. also i need to find a hanging out group of friends...

HELP PLEASEEE

It looks like lauren is one of those people who just hang out with people when they feel like it. If you consider britt a true friend, stay with her, if you don't, find somebody that actually will stay your best friend and not turn her back on you every second. Hope i helped.

Q: Ok so last night mine and my sister's best friend spent the night and we decided we would write down all of our deepest darkest secrets that we havent even told each other or anyone about then we would read each others and when my friend read my list i felt so incredibly releived like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder and now i feel like i can tell her anything and talk to her about anything but that scares me alot for some reason just knowing that if something happened she'd know and i guess just the fact that she knows pretty much everything about me now it kind of scares me ok well it scares me to death but i thought doing the whole read each others deepest darkest secerts would bring us closer i thought it'd be good for us knowing that we dotn have to hide things and keep things to ourselves why am i so scared? i mean shouldnt i be relieved and happy that we can share anything with each other?

Yes, you should feel very happy for sharing this with your friend. You might be scared because you don't trust her or you didn't really want her to know. Ask her what she thinks about it. Hope i helped! Good luck!

Q: I'm a fifteen year old girl.

I have met this guy on an online forum. Let's call him Tommy. Tommy is a sweet guy and he's 4 years older than me. I know it might be illegal. But that's not the whole point of my story. [Keep in mind that I have chatted with him online for a course of 1 year. Almost everyday.] Here are some things that seem somewhat odd about Tommy ;
1. he never offers to send me pictures. And the only pictures I have of him are about 3 or 4 of very blurry and crappy quality (seemingly taken on a camera phone with very low quality)
2. I know that it won't work out. It's not my intention to make this guy my boyfriend. Yet he gets more intimate with me everyday. Asking me things that I wouldn't even tell my own mother.
3. Almost everytime we chat, he requests pictures from me. I send Tommy lot of pictures. He can make an album with the amount of pictures he has of me.
4. It annoys me that most of our conversations are based solely on music. Sometimes Tommy won't talk about anything else, and when I offer to, he shuns me.
5. He can be very sweet, yet sometimes very bitter and mean.
6. He has an online girlfriend. And when she isn't online, I feel like a last resort to him. As if he's bored and has no one else to talk to.

I feel the need to stop talking now because this is getting too long. He constantly sweet talks me, tells me that he knows me and loves me. I know this isn't true. I hate to say it, but this guy has got me hooked.

I'm just getting really suspicious. I just don't want him to be a pedophile or anything.

What can I do?

I aplogize for the length of this.

Yeha, i would stop contacting him right away and the reason he isnt sending you pictures is because he dosen't want you to see him being his REAL self.

bio

Hey Everyone! I am on the computer a lot and if you and questions or concerns, you can send me a message here on advicenators and i will answer as quickley as possible. I give honest answers but am not to harsh on people. You can ask me any kind of question and i will answer it! Ask away! Thanks!