ccupcake07's advice column

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Q: I'm M/16. I feel l like I should give up on my plans and ideas for life. There is no point in trying to reach my goals. It seems like most of the people I know are fake, friends, girls I've liked, even my parents. At this point all I do is stay home and play games, and l'm starting to lose interest in games just like everything else. Then I walk around pretending everything is okay. I wasn't always like this. My grades have been dropping too. I've lost will power & motivation, I'm stuck. I try to make progress enjoy my life, but it seems like no one cares and no one understands. Am I too naive? It seems like there's no such thing as "Normal Life" It seems like I have no meaning, I have no life. I regret stupid little things. I repeat the same mistakes. Its like people have no feelings. I don't exist to anyone, I'm not important to anything. I'm just dust existing on a big ball of dust with 7billion other pieces of dust with some type of energy hidden within us. I wonder abou this life. 8(

Cheer up. You may have all these feelings now but they are only temporary. Things will get better and you will have the motivation to do moe things and expirience new things. Just go out and do something good for yourself (:

Q: What should I do to try to get him less controlive and jealous?

Most boyfriends are jealous easy because they have low self esteem and feel like you could be taken from them or they are competing against someone/ somethimg. Reassure him that he has nothing to be jealous of and that you are his. If it continues, I would seriously think about the relationship and where it is going, because if he dosen't stop being controlling, he never will. And it only gets worse. I wish you the best of luck!

Q: I'm just trying to prove a point to my boyfriend, it's NOT attractive when guys fart correct?

You are correct. But many guys think farting is funny and they will probably never ever get over that.lol

Q: I'm 19/f, my boyfriend of 1 year is 18/m.

My boyfriend likes meeting new people, and I respect that. Just yesterday, he met a girl..(when he went to take placement tests so that he can apply to college next semester.) Apparently, this girl that he met was on campus for placement tests too.

So, when I finally saw him later that night, he told me that he hung out with "his new friend Michaela" for the entire day, and that he picked her up from her friend's house so that they could go to the mall, and he bought her ice cream, and they hung out with another couple, his best friend tyler and tyler's girlfriend.

I asked him a lot of questions about "his new friend" because I'm terrified that something's going on between them, or that something could go on in the near future. I trust that he won't physically cheat on me, but I also don't know why this new attention from other girls is so important to him that he had to spend the entire day with a girl he just met. I'm jealous that he spent so much time with her, because I don't even think he made it very clear that he's got a girlfriend to this new girl. I know that if I was in her shoes, I'd be wondering if this new guy I just met was interested in me or not.

So what should I do about this situation? I don't want to be a cranky girlfriend of his that tries to be annoyingly/unnecessarily possessive and doesn't let him have friends that are girls. But I'm so hurt that he wants to hang out with other girls at the same time.

I would tell him that its bothering you that he is spending time with this new girl and buying her ice cream. It's not bad if he has girls that are friends but when he hangs out with them that much and buys her ice cream, i would definitely put a stop to that. Would he let you do that with another guy? Just tell him exactly how you feel and if he doesn't respect that, then you're to good for him anyways. Hopefully he listens to you and understands where you're coming from though. Goodluck (:

Q: Okay, I am in highschool, and I am thinking about my college plans for after I graduate! I am very serious about my future, and I am just frustrated that i don't know 100% What I want to be when I grow up, and other people know from the moment they're old enough to talk!
Here's a little about what i would like:
.make good money say 50,000 and up
.care for people (preferally not elder)
.help people
.somthing in the medical feild
And I know that addresses a very broad search of careers.

So we visited a community college today and they talked about respiratory therapist, and how they make good money and get vacation time, and are in demand. They didn't say what the career envolved particuarly.

So I was just wondering if some one could give me an insight into respiratory therapist, and if you have any career suggestions. ANYTHING helps thanks!

You could be a physical therapist or a pediatrition. ? Hope this helps.

Q: I have a question. Would anyone try a 69er?

My bf of 11 months now brought it up (we're dating online of coruse) He never brought this up before till just a few minutes ago.
Am i being a prude for not wanting to try 69er?

No, its not really that big of a deal if you dont want to do that. He should understand. Hope this helps!

Q: 22/f here. My ex, Nathan, is 24, and my current, Kyle, is 28. This is gonna be a bit long...

I was with Nathan for about 4 years on and off. He was emotionally abusive, but I was addicted to him. Being in the mental health field, I know a lot about addiction and how to overcome it. I broke up with him. We ended things on good terms, but I asked him to let me initiate contact at some point in the future. He has broken this agreement many times already with e-mails telling me how much he loves and misses me.

Now, Kyle and I dated during an off-period with Nathan, but I ended it because I wasn't ready to walk away from Nathan, and I recognized that. I am now, though, and I did...right back into Kyle's arms. Kyle is a wonderful man, and makes me very happy (and is a very good kisser ^_^). I have no intention of leaving him anytime soon.

The problem here is that as much as Kyle denies it, I know I have yet to earn his trust back because of the fiasco that happened with Nathan before. I told him I would keep him in the loop if Nathan decided to try anything, and ideally, Kyle and I would discuss the situation and tackle it as a couple/unit instead of me trying to handle it alone. (I did, however, promise that I would never put them together in any physical way...)

My questions are:
1. Should I tell Kyle about Nathan's recent e-mails?
It risks bringing up a very negative past, and I don't want the focus of our relationship to be how to get Nathan out of it.

2. Should I respond to an e-mail and ask him to leave me alone?
I'm hesitant about this because I know how he works - any attention is better than no attention - but I also know that he doesn't give up easily. The only reason I'm consiering it is that I understand that, legally, if you tell someone to leave you alone and they don't, you can file harrassment charges. I'm not angry at Nathan, or anything, I just don't want him to make my life hell anymore...that's why I broke up with him. I am, however, prepared to take legal action if necessary to get him away from me. He hurt me many times in many ways that could've been seriously psychologially damaging.

Anyway. I apologize for the length of this question, and I'm aware that none of you are lawyers. I'm just looking for some unprofessional, uninvolved feedback on this situation.

I would tell kyle about everything that has been going on with nathan. He would probabaly want to know. As of nathan, i wouldnt respond to any of the emails because by doing that the attachment he has towards you eventually starts to fade and he wont be doing that anymore. Hope i helped!

Q: (20/f). My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, on and off. I really do love him, and we've talked about the future a LOT- moving in together, getting married, all that jazz. He treats me better than any guy I've ever dated, and I can tell he really loves me. Our families know each other and we each feel comfortable with each others friends- it's nearly a perfect situation. THe downsides are, he and I don't have a lot in common.. He doesn't like reading, I do. He hates the movies and music I absolutely love. And he doesn't want to be an organ donor, which is something I'm very upset about. There are a few other differences too.

The few breaks we have had, however, have all occured because there's a BIG part of me that will never stop having feelings for my best male friend, the guy I lost my virginity to when I was 16. This guy has always been my greatest downfall- My dream guy, except that he's always involved with another girl when I'm willing to be with him. My friends and family don't trust him or like him because we had a huge fight about 2 years ago, and only recently started speaking last fall. He hurt me more than anyone, but now we're better than ever. Well now he's single and he keeps telling me how he does love me and how when he's trully over his most recent ex, he can see the two of us being together. He and I have almost everything in common and we always have an amazing time when we hang out.

I told my bf how conflicted I was, because I love both of them a LOT. He told me I could either never speak to my friend again, or he would dump me. It's impossible. As of right now, my bf thinks I'm no longer speaking to my friend, but I've been texting and hanging out with him behind his back =/ Really bad, I know.. it feels like I'm practically cheating. I know it can't keep happening and I know I'll need to make a choice.

Do I pick my boyfriend, who wants to marry me and take care of me and all my needs? Who's sweet and caring and concerned about me but who hates my best friend, and doesn't have much in common with me?

Or do I pick my best friend, the boy who loves everything I love, the one who I can share my soul with and who always makes me laugh? The one who none of my friends and family care for?

Who do you see yourself with in the long run? Who do you tell eveything to once something new or exciting happens? Thats the person you should pick. And if you still cant decide after that, maybe you shouldnt pick either of them. Oh, and i wouldnt hang out with your friend behind your boyfriends back anymore. That would cause a lot of hard feelings. So just follow your heart when it comes down to it. Maybe soon, youll see who you really want. Good luck! Hope this helpss.

Q: 18/f
so my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. Our relationship has been really great and I love him so much.... But I seem to have lost interest. I never feel like having sex anymore and find my self feeling jealous of single people. What's wrong with me, or is it just something I'll get over.

i have totally been in this situation before.
For me, it was because i felt like i was being tied down and the relationship was just kind of boring. I eventually broke up with the guy and realized how much happier i am without him. Usually it happens when your upset about something that's going on in the relationship, even if it's something little. Just give yourself time girl , and i promise you'll figure it out. Hope this helps!

Q: Me and this guy have been talking and hanging out and im pretty sure he likes me because he kissed me etc. But he always texts me saying "hey whats up" etc but like he talks a little bit then he just kinda doesn't say much and i have to keep the convo going.Like I will type a whole paragraph and he will say " haha oh nice : )" or something similiar and i usually just dont respond and then he will text me later and the same thing will happen.Why do guys do this?!

Most guys aren't really into texting the way girls are. just keep the conversation going for as long as possible and if he still does that ask him "so what would you like to talk about?," or ask him, "Whats up?" just to keep the conversation going longer. Hope this helps!

Q: I take my sadness out on myself. I don't eat normally like other people. I know it's bad. But I can't stop thinking about it. The calories, the food, it's always in my head. But I'm so happy when I weigh a little. Like today I weighed 103 and I was in a good shock. I was scared that I might weigh more, but I weighed less.

I know that people view this as hurtful and I know in some part of me that it is. But it's not so simple. I like to see my bones. I like to not fit in a size 1. And I joke about my thinness with my friends. But it's not always a joke. I still see that pouch on my belly and I hate it.

I don't hate myself. Today I found that I looked beautiful. I haven't seen such a beautiful me in a long time. And I thought for a moment that I do love myself because I have a beautiful face. I don't have to be like these people whose lives I wish I was living instead of mine. There are individuals that I idolize, certain people, I wish I could be like them. But today I thought it's okay to be me. But these people aren't skinny necessarily. That's not why I do it. I just feel happy when I am thin.

I am not looking to tell my parents about this. They already force me to eat more. I don't even think I can change this. It's a part of me now. And I honestly don't think that any advice can change it.

Well being that skinny isn't healthy and not always beautiful like some people may think. Make sure you get all your nutrients and eat 3 meals a day. I know you said you like to be skinny and that you look good that way. Most people don't like really skinny people. You can still be skinny and "fit" at the same time. I would eat more and try to stay as healthy as possible. Hope this helps.

Q: OK so this guy I've been dating for a little over three years, treats me like crap. I know I love him and I think that is why I'm still around. He has always been like that but he doesn't have the best past. When he's in a good mood and talks to me like I matter believe me; he's the best guy in the world. He's the one and only person I would ever allow to treat me like this. I would never tolerate this much disrespect from any one but him. I was raised to be a lion not a sheep. My parents have the golden relationship, they've been married for over 20 years, and it seems like their souls were ment to meet. My boyfriend calls me horrid names, and he does all of it I believe to watch me cry and I do I usually cry. I love him so much. Any way my question is what do I do?
Should I stay with him?
Or should I leave and not look back?

Well, no one deserves to be treated like that. If he loves you like he says he does, there is no way he would treat you that way. You don't want to give yourself less than you deserve. is it that you love him or is it that you think you do because you don't know what you would do without him? I would give it just a little more time, but with the way he's treating you, maybe you should just break it off. He wouldn't treat you so bad if he truly loved you and respected you. I hope this helps!

Q: i was wondering if you had any advice about love. theres this boy in my class and i like him but i dont now if he likes me can you give me some advice

maybe you should try starting a coversation with him?

Q: i can't put a tampon in...like i can't see my vagina when i bend over and i found the hole but i don't want to force it in you know? how hard are you suppose to push? and whats the best position so i can actually see what i'm doing/ thanks. i'm a virgin btw so could it be that i'm that tight to where it won't fit? i'm using the smaller/regular ones to start too.

Sit on the toilet sit and spread your legs far enough open. Then get the tampon and feel around until you find the hole. Push it in normal speed until its all the way in. Then push the stem down and pull the applicator out. There is also directions on the box. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Q: 13/m
OK so last Thursday i went to the movies with my girlfriend and another one of her friends and i asked her if she wanted to do something again this weekend but im not sure if she wants to go to the movies again so what are some things we could do. we live in a small city but not anything with huge skyscrapers and like 10 giant shopping centers just one small one which sucks cause theres hardly anything to do.
so im looking for just any help at all thanks alot

Have her come over to hang out.
Go Swimming.
The Zoo.
Shopping.
Go out to eat.

Q: I really dont know where to start, i guess i'll start telling you that me and my boyfriend have been together for about three months now. He really is a good person, and he is everything i've wished of having in my life. But one day while i was on facebook, i noticed he was setting his statuses like "____ is gonna smoke 4 grahams later." and stuff like that. He never told me he was smoking pot, but he chooses to tell the whole world?
So i approached him about it, and i'm uncomfortable as it is with him smoking it but i decided i'd be cool about it. So he told me that he only does it about once every 3 months, and told me that nobodys ever died from it, you cant get addicted to it, and its a natural plant and stuff.
So everything was cool for a while, until he started hanging out with the group of kids who arte major pot heads. He's getting high more and more, and i really hate it, but as long as it didn't affect or interfere with our relationship, i wont be comfortable with it, but i wont be a nosey girlfriend and complain to him. So i left it alone
Do you get me so far?
Plus, if i tell him i dont like it, him hanging out with those kids will continue to have him smoke it. It's not like i can control his social life.
Am i making any sense.
So this is the part where the problems start forming...
I had to go away for 3 days because my cousin was getting married, so on the night of the rehearsal dinner i get a text from him.
"Hey i'm REALLY F***** up right now. Wanna send me some naked pics? I'm so horny."
I felt like crying because i knew that i probably wasn't the only one he texted.
I also knew that he had been getting high and/or drinking... or i even considered that maybe it wasn't him.
So i texted him the next day asking him about it and he told me he didnt remember saying that... and that he had smoked 4 grahams and drank a half bottle of vodka with these people i didnt even know. A little upset, but relieved i finally knew what happened, we talked normally.
When i got home, i checked my facebook and noticed i was tagged in a note and the first thing was "10 things i'd say to 10 people" and he put
"I really dont wanna hook up with you, i didnt know what i was saying. i have a girlfriend."
That's when i started crying.... and found out that i was right. I hadn't been the only one he sent a dirty text to.
I know he didnt mean to do it, but the fact he knew anything could happen when he got high and drunk made me feel like he doesnt care about me. When i know he does. So i get on the bus this morning and i go to sit next to him because were on the same bus and he said "I want to sleep."

...I dont know. I feel like these kids are changing who he is and its definatley interefering with our relationship which brings me into the picture.
What do i do?
I care about him too much to break it off, and i dont know if hes gonna break up with me first but i really need some help.

Well, to me it sounds like you are uncomfortable with him doing this. I have been in the same exact situation before and i tried to make it work but i always worried about him and i knew that secretly deep down i hated it and didn't want a pot head boyfriend. Or one that drank a lot. So, i gave him one chance, and that was to quit, and he said he would but he broke his promise so i cut it off even though i really thought i loved him. Tell him how you feel about it and see what happens. If he really cares about you enough, then he will care what your wishes are. And you wont be a bad girlfriend if you tell him that. Your just setting some standards. There is no reason he should be sending those messages to other people when he has a girlfriend, no matter how messed up he is. It's not right. If you have any other questions, let me know. I know what your going through. Good luck! Hope this helps.

Q: okay so theres this dance thing im goin to for school on thursday. 3 days away!!! and i am goin to get my hair done thursday afternoon. i need some ideas. i have medium length dirty blonde hair. it is very thick!
any ideas please! pictures would be great!!!!
please and thank you
-cuttechick24

Yuo could do it half up, half down and curls all in it. That would be cute.

Q: 14/f.

One of my closest friends, Cody, is like my younger brother. We're very close, and I'm worried about him.
He's my age and he's a stoner, which I have no problem with since I am, too.
But, he's already having sex. He's already had sex with two girls! One was Arlena, who we all now hate, and the other is his current girlfriend, Alicia. I know it's his life and everything, but he does it SO OFTEN. Like, every Wednesday. One time, she was actually freaking out because she thought she was pregnant. He's a good person, though. He loves her, and he talks about marrying her and all that crap.

But should I tell him to slow down or what?

Thanks in advance

I definitely think you should talk to him about it. You don't want him to make a mistake that could cause the future of his whole life ruined. He is very young and needs to have fun doing other things. What i would do, is talk to him about your concern and tell him the consenquences of doing these things. If he dosen't listen to you, or take your advice, then at least you tried. It's good that you are looking out for him and being a good friend. Good luck!

Q: My boyfriend seemed perfect to me his nice sweet such a gentlement he makes me happy and i'm actually in love.we've been together for 8 and a half months now and everything has been great he says he loves me. The problem is his ex his ex want nothing to do with him which is a plus but he told me recently that he still has feelings for her it hurts so much .I asked him does he really love me he said yes. I asked him does he want her back he said yes.Now At this point I dont know what to do.
He dated her for 2 years and its been about a year and a half since its been over she was his first girfriend .The question is WHAT IN THE WORLD DO I DO NOW.

If someone is dating someone and they arent happy or have feelings for someone else, i would just let them go. I wouldn't want to be date somebody that has feelings for another person. I would ask him who he would rather be with and see what his answer is. Make sure he knows what he wants so you dont just get ditched. Good luck!

Q: i'm 20 years old and been bulimic for about a year now. my sister has caught me once throwing up and i just said that "i was sick", also my mom has suspicions because of the weight loss. But i want to stop it, because the other day i woke up and had trouble breathing and i had chest pain throughout the day. now, i dont know if it is a cause of my bulimia but im pretty sure it is. My problem is that i can't stop thinking about purging. like i would eat a normal small meal and all i could think about is when would be the time to purge in order for no one to hear me, while im eating it.

Go to the doctor and get help. This problem is serious and needs to be handled. It's good that you know that it needs to stop so get some medical attention.

bio

Hey Everyone! I am on the computer a lot and if you and questions or concerns, you can send me a message here on advicenators and i will answer as quickley as possible. I give honest answers but am not to harsh on people. You can ask me any kind of question and i will answer it! Ask away! Thanks!