I'd say the best way to approach your family is to sit down with all or a family member and just say,


"I've been really (however you feel) and I have been cutting. I know I said that I haven't, but I didn't want to make anyone upset."

-TheTeenGirl

You do sound very miserable and you don't deserve this. But, you should never think you've ran out of options, because if you laid everything down on the table to someone, I think they'd be more than willing to help. It's really time to make your situation known to your parents or whoever takes care of you and not just your therapist.

If you cut and everything you've stated in this question is true, then yes, you'll need more help than just therapy and counseling. You need to check yourself in somewhere and get serious attention because you definitely don't deserve to feel this way.

A lot of your problems, the root of it I'd say is your self-esteem. You say that if you had friends they'd hate you. Saying that all your good for is crying and eating. This is so far from the truth. You really do friends and if you really don't have at least one friend you can talk to or hang out with, then your family needs to know everything thats going on even if it means they might freak out or be mildly shocked. So my advice to you is to tell your family or at least one person so that you can move on and get higher help because that's what you need. And you aren't alone, if you do need someone to talk to, my inbox is available to leave messages:)

-TheTeenGirl

I think it's really good that you've admitted to yourself that you have anorexia, but what they mean by admitting is telling an adult.

You're right, you can't do this on your own, you need to just confess this to your mom or dad, whichever you feel the most comfortable telling. And I know you may not feel comfortable at all, but once it's out, you'll feel a lot better knowing that someone knows you have a problem.

Maybe you should look at sites on the best way to go about confronting anorexia and how to approach your parents on it. Just don't let fear stop you from telling them, you have to take care of your body now and not keep letting yourself live like this.

http://www.mirror-mirror.org/telling.htm
[This is on telling someone, I think it'll help you a bit on confronting your issue]

http://www.gurl.com/findout/dwi/pages/0,,644678,00.html
[This is a few resources for eating disorders. I personally love this site, it's a guide for teenage girls in just about every problem you can think of.]

-TheTeenGirl

I wouldn't start worrying about your feelings being depression. You will always experience times where nothing seems to be right and you just feel like hiding forever.

Sometimes the best way to fade out these feelings are to distract yourself with TV, friends, family, or anything else.

If you really feel like everything is your fault and you aren't good enough, talk to someone. When you have these feelings, it's best to let them out so that someone can tell you the truth. Not everything is your fault. And you really are good enough of a person when you are doing your best in life. It may not seem good enough to your parents, but if you know deep down in your heart that you try very hard, then you know that you are good enough.

Sometimes it's better to take everything one at a time. Get through each hour at school. Take notes or write down reminders if you need to. You may feel too tired or stressed out to write, but it's for the best. When you get home, Go over the notes and do any homework needed and then get on to what your family needs from you. If you have some house cleaning, do it. Do everything that needs done first and then lay down and rest from everything. You should at least have time each day to relax for 30 minutes to an hour.

-TheTeenGirl

-Scarred (Like scars)
-Permanant Memory
-On The Razor's Edge
-Under This Sleeve
-The Ugly Truth
-The Brutal Truth
-Silent Screams
-The Addiction
-The Screaming Addiction
-Rush Addiction
-The Deadly Addiction


Hope a few of these triggered your choice.

-TheTeenGirl

Smoking pot can really cause problems in relationships and as you can see they are now beginning between you and your boyfriend.

Usually when people start getting into drugs, that's just about all they care about. Getting high and finding out how to get more is all what really matters to them. Besides, he's probaby smoking pot with other people and you never know what he could be like around other people when he's high.

My point is that if you want to continue a relationship with this guy, then him smoking pot is something you'll be dealing with. The chances are very small that he'll ever quit because you want him to. And if you don't want to be in a relationship with drug use, I consider that a great reason to put an end to the relationship. Nobody should ever have to settle for less than what they are looking for in a relationship.

And I think that you shouldn't have to settle with this guy. You may feel very close to this guy, but if he's doing something that really effects and interferes with your feelings, then maybe it's time to think it over. Plus, he sounds touchy about the situation. You tried talking to him about this and he jumps at you and accuses you of thinking you're better than him? Should you really have to deal with that kind of behavior from a boyfriend?

The truth is that with this guy, you won't have just a normal fun relationship without drugs. Remember to think about yourself and your feelings in this relationship. If you're unhapy with the drugs, then you need to stand up for yourself and get out, find someone else who isn't into that kind of stuff and who has the kind of personality you like.

-TheTeenGirl

Everyone will go through this phase where they become aware of their imperfections and they start to wonder if other people around them are notcing this imperfection and what they are thinking of it if they do notice.

I think that the feelings you're experiencing are just a phase that I'm describing. What you have to do is find out what you're really made of and put yourself out there to what you want to do or what you think you can't do. Sometimes we tend to believe that we aren't capable of certain things and we have no idea how powerful we really are and you have to try that. Do you want to be a cheerleader? A dancer? An Actress? A model? A basketball player? Find out what school activity you like or some kind of outside sport and sign up for it and you'll see that you are better than a lot of people at certain things.

That's just another fact of life. You'll be better at certain things than other people and other people will be better at certain things than you are. Another fact is that you'll always be walking down the street or flipping through a magazine and see someone prettier than you are and that's more than ok to believe that someone might be prettier, but you have to ask yourself: Am I pretty? Do I think that I'm attractive too? Because you can still believe someone is pretty while you believe that you're pretty too. Just because someone is prettier, it doesn't mean that you are uglier and should try making yourself just as pretty.

Bottom line is that you'll always have something you don't like about your appearance, if it bothers you that much and it's fixable, then try your best to make it how you like it. If it's not fixable or costs a lot just to get it fixed, then it's ment to be there to make you yourself. Without that birthmark on your face or chip on your tooth, you probably aren't as you as you are today. Besides, a lot of girls tend to make a huge deal out of a mole or something that's not even that noticable and they stress over nothing!

Look in the mirror, and tell yourself out loud what you like about your appearance. Do you like that your hair is thin or thick? Curly or straight? The way it looks in a ponytail? Then try to remember those compliments you recieve from people and let it be your reminder that people like that certain thing about you. Don't get aggravated just because someone compliments you. It's a way of making a new friend or making your day. Being aggravated and argueing back just gives the compliment back to them and it's rude.

If you have anymore questions concerning this situation, please write back. Thank you.

-TheTeenGirl

I know what feelings you're experiencing. I feel the confusion of what you are feeling, you aren't sure if anyone can help and you aren't even sure what it is you are asking for, I know those thoughts and feelings.

I think you aren't going to school because of your depression. When you are depressed and those feelings are constantly eating at you, you just want to stay home and sleep or get your mind off of everything instead of worrying about school or anything else going on. School is a scary place for you because it's where everyone is, everyone that knows you and judges you and it's a place where you don't want to end up crying because it's a bad experience to cry in front of everyone.

The truth of the matter is that these feelings can't be ignored because it's affecting your life and because it's depression. Depression isn't something that will heal or go away on it's own. You have to take care of yourself and find out why you are depressed or get on some medication if there isn't a reason.

What you need to do right now is treat your depression and ask for help. If your dad won't help you, find someone else. It sounds to me like your dad really cares a lot to have tried getting you to school, but it's time for you to reach out to people for help. When you are depressed, all you want to do is sleep, and be alone all of the time. You don't want anyone around and that's probably why you may not have a very strong social life. But don't be ashamed of it. The only way to truly heal yourself is to come out of the dark room your mind is in and get some help.

I am currently homeschooled because of depression. I had been trying to go to school and stay in school since I was about thirteen and I am now a freshmen. I had tons of struggles with staying in school or sometimes even going at all. I'd wake up and start crying, I'd end up begging my mom to let me stay home and I was a mess. It was horrible and I felt alone in everything. You probably don't have the option of getting homeschooled, but you have to tell people your feelings. If you feel like you are going to cry in class, get to the counselor or ask your teacher to sit out in the hall to yourself and try calming yourself down.

If you feel like the crying won't stop and you need to go home, don't be afraid to go home. Your school may give you crap about it, but it doesn't matter. If you are feeling depressed and upset before you even get to school, talk to your dad or mom about it so that they can know that you aren't doing well. If they do end up making you go to school, just go straight to the counselor to get some help. Let them know you are struggling and let them help you. The key to not feeling as depressed or as alone is to tell someone when you start getting upset.

I really hope that all of this has helped and please let me know if you have anymore concerns on depression

-TheTeenGirl

Don't worry too much on things. There will always be a time in your life when things aren't going so great and this is one of those times.

When this happens, we have to reach out to people like friends and family. Tell your mom or dad how bad things are right now and they will probably do anything they can to help you finish off the year good.

I know that it hurts a lot to be called those names that you've mentioned, it's wrong and they are comments that are so hard to deal with or ignore. So that's why you should probably keep track of whose calling you those names and telling the principal or counselor about it and how much it's effecting you.

There are a lot of girls in your school who don't have dates for this dance and it's normal too. Sometimes you have a date, and sometimes things happen and you'll have to go with friends. It's not something you should dwell on or be ashamed of.

The best way to feeling happy is reaching out to people, not closing your door and being alone

-TheTeenGirl

Other people that tell you that you are pretty is a nice compliment to have, but it's better when you actually think that you're pretty too.

You need to slow down with what other people are thinking about the way you look and focus on your own thoughts about you because that is what matters the most when it comes down to your appearance.

You also don't need to send in your picture or describe yourself in order to make people picture you in their head and tell you that you are pretty. If people were walking around calling you a liar, then you probably wouldn't be as bothered because you know deep down that you are not a liar.

When people judge you or say something about you, you have to decide for yourself whether that judgement is true or not. This is not a mental disease, this is a normal low self-esteem problem so don't convince yourself that you have a problem.

-TheTeenGirl

I understand your feelings when it comes to thinking that guys like curvy and meaty girls and it's not a lie. Some guys like skinny, some guys like meat on their girls.

But this all comes down to a little competition in your mind that you have with your best friend and all of the other girls in your school. You believe in your mind that if you don't have the guys holding onto you like a magnet, you are ugly and worthless. Which you know isn't true, but when you are in a world where just the skinny girls are getting the guys, your mind can't help but think that you've got a problem since you aren't attracting them like everyone else.

When a guy thinks you're hott, it can be a flattering feeling and it should be, but it's not that big of a deal as you think. When a guy says you are hott, it's just a comment about your body. Not anything inside you that really counts. It's just a compliment in physical terms, which can be good, but at the same time we should be worried about what people think of the person we actually are. Being told that you are hott is not big news at all. It's nothing like having a true boyfriend who loves everything about you.

When your best friends gets all of these guys, you get a little intimidated about yourself because you start wondering what she might think of you or the other girls. It's hard enough trying to figure out what every other girl in school thinks of you, but when your best friend becomes one of them, it just makes it worse.

Have you ever looked around and seen that lots of women who aren't very attractive are happily married? Can you imagine what they thought of themselves in school and around their friends? People who aren't that good-looking or attractive to guys in school end up happily married later on when the guys start getting mature and look for an attractive spirit. And luckily, we all choose what our spirit looks like.

Don't let what the guys do or say about you define what you look like. Let yourself define the person you are and what you look like. If you don't like what you see in physical terms, try fixing it if it can be done. If not, then just accept it just like everyone else does when it comes to an insecurity. It's ok to feel paranoid, but don't let it take over you. Dressing up like a slut and acting like one isn't worth it to just hear "you're hott" from a guy you might not even know!

-TheTeenGirl

Don't use the excuse of your parents not thinking you have a problem to not go see a doctor or go into therapy.

If your parents don't know you are having an anger problem, tell them. You really do have some issues to work through if you are self-destructing and your parents will have to know eventually.

I would give you some skills to deal with your anger, but it's more than that if you are at the point of bleeding. Just sit down with your parents, and let them know that you have a huge problem with dealing with anger.

-TheTeenGirl

EDIT: I know that your mom is dealing with depression, but so are you. Don't you matter too? If you were a mother with depression and your daughter was hiding her feelings, would you want her to come to you for help, or would you rather her not tell you because you are too depressed? Your mom may be dealing with a lot in her life, but you are her daughter, a top priority. And being in counseling doesn't mean that you are happy all of the time. Falling apart and crying is ok in counseling. It's ok to fall down, if you keep everything bottled up, then it wouldn't be right or helping you at all. You can't have these high expectations for yourself. It's being selfish to yourself by letting you drag acrossed concrete. It's not right, you are looking for a solution that doesn't exist other than reaching out, but you won't seem to take that. So when you decide that you are a human being that deserves love and self-respect, then maybe you should ask for adice then, but now isn't the time for you.






I think that person was right when they suggested that you reach out to someone outside of your family. I know that you explained that you don't really have that, but maybe you aren't aware of your options.

You said that you don't want to see a counselor or therapist because you didn't feel comfortable and you felt like they weren't really there to help you. It sounds to me like you only felt this way about one therapist before your dad died. So you were pretty young when you saw this therapist.

Sometimes when people see therapists, they switch if they feel like their current one isn't helping at all. And I really think that since you are much more mature and older now, that you can try one again. I really think that you should give another one a chance because I really think that it wouldn't be fair to assume that they are only in this job for the pay. They had to go to college and major in this career field, so it took a lot to get to where they are in this job. So I wouldn't think they wasted their time to get a job they aren't enjoying.

In the meantime, maybe you should try talking to your mom about what's going on with you. You are hiding your feelings and I think someone should know that you really need help to get back on your feet. When you cry alone and act like nothing is wrong, you become more miserable because you think that nobody can help. Being alone makes depression ten times worse. If you're scared that your mom is already having enough troubles with being blind and living life the way she is, don't let that stop you from telling her that you are depressed. You are her daughter and you both lost someone important in your life. You both have each other left to hold onto and stick together by coping with this together.

If you have someone in your family to talk to, do that if you need to. Anyone you know that you can trust and that can help you out of this, talk to them. If you are feeling miserable in school, don't hesistate to see the counselor. If a counselor knew this was going on in your life, they'd probably want to help you. Don't let your thought of them not wanting to help you stop them from trying. You've got to learn to give people chances and guidance even if it means forcing yourself into the situation.

The first step to getting over depression is admitting that you have a problem and asking for help. You know that you have a problem, so tell your mom that you need help. Let someone know that everything is hurting inside. If you need anymore help concerning this situation, please send me something in my inbox, I am here to help, and don't think that I'm not. I know that you have a lot to give as a person and I have a lot in me to give you as an anonymous friend.

-TheTeenGirl

I think that you should honestly think about what damage you really do when you take your anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it.

I had a friend who liked me and he always took his anger out on me. When he was happy, we'd get along great, but when he was mad about something, I was his punching bag which was no fun and it made me really upset.

The truth is, I think he was taking his anger out on me because he liked me and I was with someone else so he got angry at me because I was apart of his anger and part of what he couldn't have. I always had to tell him that when life gets rough, you turn to your friends for their comfort and company, not put them down and make the whole world feel angry at you.

And I think I should tell you the same thing. When something happens in life that makes you feel depressed or angry, or even a mixture of both, you should turn to your friends for help or to talk to instead of using them as a punching bag because one day, they'll eventually understand that you are just going in patterns, You get angry, you yell at them, and then you apologize and it starts over. They won't be there for you anymore. And sadly enough, thats what I eventually did to this guy that I mentioned. I havn't spoken to him in almost a year and I'm honestly better off.

So the next time you get angry and you start feeling anger toward this guy, think about how much you are making him look down on you and look the other way than you want him to look. You want him to ask you out, but why would he want to get closer to you when you can't even function with him in a friendship? You need to start over with yourself and just change your ways. Actions tell way more than words.

-TheTeenGirl

You definetly need to put an end to this lifestyle you are living. This is a lot to read,but please read it all, trust me it won't be a waste of your time.

I know that you don't want to tell your mom because she's under a lot of stress. But listen, you are her daughter, the one that she brought into this world and she cares about you so much, and I think it would kill her more if you never tried to ask her for help. The first big step to getting help is admitting to what you've been doing and asking for help.

The thought of telling anyone probably terrifies you and it should. You should feel very afraid to let anyone know about this because it's shocking and bad news.

But there is good news in this situation, You can get help. You aren't mentally going crazy, you aren't messed up, you are depressed and it can be helped if you would confess these things to your mom. Yes, she would be very upset and frightened, but she will be relieved that you confided in her about this and asked her for help. If you were your mother, you would want your daughter to come to you for this problem, wouldn't you?

Just slow everything down for a second. Don't think about cutting, bulimia, taking pills, or being depressed. Close your eyes and get relaxed for just one second and think of everything you want in life. A goal you've been meaning to reach, a dream you wish to live someday, a general thing you want to happen in your life. Let yourself know that if you continye this lifestyle of cutting, bulimia and taking pills, you won't live that goal or dream happily. Your life only has more bad and depression to come if you continue to live this problem and not ask for help.

A happy and healthy person has happiness in store for them in their lives. But people who were depressed and who overcame cutting, or anorexia or any of that, they are stronger and have a lot of happiness in store for their lives too. If you put everything on the table to your mom and got help, I promise you that you will be doing so much more than getting rid of these problems. You will be making yourself happier, and making more positive choices to live your life and deal with your problems. You will feel like you can take on anything that seems hard and scary.

And the best part is that you won't have to worry about finding a clean long-sleeved shirt everyday. You won't have to worry about what excuse you have to make in order to take too many pills. You won't have to worry about whether you might have to explain that you have to use the bathroom after every meal. You won't have to hide yourself anymore.

You can tell your mom in two ways that could work best for you, either in person (I prefer), or a letter explaining what's going on. Something like this:

Mom,

There are a few things that I have to confess because it's damaging my life and getting in the way of my happiness. I started cutting when I was in the 7th grade and after that everything went downhill. I started drinking, and now I've been throwing up after every meal and taking pills. I really can't find a reason for all of this (Unless you really can), but I know that I am depressed and I need your help. I know you are probably really hurt and shocked, but thats why I need you, I'm shocked at myself too and I need to get help.

Or something like that. If you need any help concerning this problem, please don't hesistate to send me something in my inbox for further help.

-TheTeenGirl

Well, first off I want you to know that I do know that this is a serious situation and you really can find someone who will believe you.

My next suggestion would be a teacher. Don't stop looking for someone to tell that will take this seriously because someone in your school will. Let them know that you are in danger and you need help.

When you go to school thats the first thing you need to do. If a social worker won't take you seriously, which is really unprofessional, then a teacher will. Before you go to any class, just explain it to a trusted teacher and tell them that the counselor or social worker aren't taking you seriously.

You don't have to reply and let me know what happened, but I do want you to be ok and get out of your situation. Please don't stop running for help, someone will help.

-TheTeenGirl

You aren't living a lie. I just want you to know that just because you have a rocky life, it doesn't mean that you can't smile or laugh, or have fun with anyone. You are a girl who has a good life in school.

You do really need to get a grip on this issue, because crying every night and wishing you weren't alive anymore is not a way to live. You are having flashbacks of something you'll probably never be able to erase out of your mind, and you need help to cope with that. Since your family isn't something you can go to for help, you need to get to a friend you can trust. Confide in a friend to tell your issue, I know it will be hard, but you'll feel better knowing that someone else knows what's happening.

I know that you don't want your friends to know, but you should at least let one you can come stay with for a while or something until you can work things out. Therapy can be costly, but it can help you. If you can't get money somehow to get to therapy, then I think you need to see the school counselor. The idea of letting out the problem probably scares you, but you need to get out of your house. This is a horrible situation and you have to get out of all of this.

I will put it to you this way, if you are truly that girl who has a good social life and is a good friend to all of her other friends, then be a good friend to yourself by pulling yourself out of misery. If you need anymore help or concerns, don't be afraid to ask me in my inbox.

-TheTeenGirl

You need to assure yourself that it's ok to be angry and upset about certain things that happen. If someone ditches you, you have the right to be angry. You just need to fully understand that it's not unusual to be angry, it's how you feel about a situation, don't be afraid to let it out in some way and feel it.


Such as exercising. If you get angry, do something that requires some skill and work. Like hammering a bunch of nails into a piece of wood.

And as for the expression of your feelings, if someone wants to know what's wrong you don't have to tell them EVERYTHING. Just say, "I'm just a little angry because..." And then fill in the rest. You don't have to sound poetic and sissy in order to let people know whats up. And also think about this: If people want to know how you are feeling and why, let yourself communicate these feelings. It isn't like they asked for nothing. If you start letting at least one person know what's wrong, you'll pick up on it with everyone.

-TheTeenGirl

Usually when you are feeling depressed, you don't really want to open to anyone around you that much.

I've been in the situation, and I've learned that everytime I get depressed and I talk to someone, so much weight feels like it's came off of my shoulders. It's a good feeling to know that somebody else knows you've been really depressed. And if theres anyone you should tell, it's definetly your parents, or at least one of them, whichever you are closest to.

What you have to know is that it's OK to feel weak, and depressed. It's OK to cry on someone's shoulder. And it's definetly OK to ask for help when you feel like you are drowning in your tears of depression.

But if it takes telling somebody else first for you to feel comfortable with telling your parents, then I'd probably confide in a best friend, or a school counselor.

If you need anymore advice concerning depression, or asking for help, I'm definetly here to help, and I know the pain

-TheTeenGirl

Well, you don't know exactly when your period will start, nobody has no idea. And it doesn't matter how long you've had discharge, thats not much of a sign telling you your period will start soon. But, trust me, you'll want to just be patient and wait for it to come, because periods are a pain. It's gross, it smells, it's not something you'll be excited for after a while you've had it, but everyone is excited when they first have it because you're becoming a woman. Just keep waiting and it will come when you're well developed for it.

Ask me if you have anymore questions.


-TheTeenGirl

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.

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