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Self-confidence
I know we all have insecurities, but I'm pretty sure no one is as paranoid as I am. I'm not fat, but I'm not really skinny either. All the girls in my school seriously look like they are anorexic and the guys are all over them. I thought guys like curvy girls. Anyway, my best friend is a freakin' twig, and she has all these guys all over her. Seriously. It doesn't stop. Two of them even came to her house when she was sick because they're like obsessed with her because she's so beautiful. And I know I'm not ugly, but something inside of me keeps telling me that I am, and I need to get skinnier and more slutty and wear more make-up or stop wearing my hear a certain way. I used to be a really confident girl, but it's all changed now. I know like 2 guys think I'm hot, but that's TWO guys out of the whole school. Everyone likes my best friend. I mean everyone. It makes me sick.
So, my question is, how do I make that little voice inside my head stop saying "you're so fat, you need to be more like Danielle" or "don't do your makeup like that, that looks gross"?
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Hunny you aren't the only one who feels that way trust me..i am a teenager and i know exactly where you are coming from my insecurites however were so bad that i became anorexic/bulimic..my advice for you is that you should realize that you can be no one but yourself so don't try to be anyone else.The sooner you find that out & love the person you are on the inside the sooner you will love who you are on the outside..trust me i know its easier said than done because ive been through it. what i started to do was every time i thought how i wanted to be like someone else or thought i was fat or whatever negative thing i was thinking about myself..i thought of something good about myself. You should try to work on improving the person on the inside not the outside. everyone is beautiful in their own special way & real beauty is not what you see in magazines or in movies..real beauty shines with in!
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You didn't say how old you were but it SOUNDS like you are still in high school maybe? If so, let me tell you something. Boys at that age are still developing their taste for the type of woman they are attracted to. Most of them fixate of whatever the "it" girl of the moment is, and if one popular boy is outspoken about one girl, the other guys will follow suite. Very similar to how young woman act. I promise you, different men (not boys)like different type of woman. Some I know really only are attracted to big girls, some are straight up nauseated by skinny girls, some guys do like them stick- looking. Same with things like make-up and how you dress. Don't make the mistake of trying to tranform yourself based on what guys like or what is trendy OR what some other girl is doing. Do your own thing, because plastic clone girls are a dime a dozen but intelligent, attractive, confident women with their own interest are a rare breed. I have one more secret for you...body type is something guys look for, but confidence overrides physical attractiveness every time. If you have the attitude that you know you're sexy and F anyone who doesn't agree, then I promise you everyone will start wondering what they are missing out on.
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I go through the same thing you do. I know that really, I'm not as fat as I think I am. I am not a stick, but I'm not a blimp either... I'm fine. But sometimes it feels like its not good enough, right? When I get to the point where I can't really handle it anymore I start thinking differently. Yeah, it might be nice to have all these guys like you and want you but deep down I'm better than that. Is it possible that you're not as outgoing as your friend? If thats the case, then you should start being more outgoing and start talking to more people & guys. It can also give you a boost of confidence. I know it does for me when I'm interacting with someone or even a cute boy, it makes me feel a little better. And all guys are different. Yeah, they may be all over your friend but I'll bet that half of them are just typical high school boys. They don't see her as a girl who they would actually have a relationship with... they just see her as more of an object. Honestly, I would rather have 2 great guys like me for me and they see me as girlfriend-material rather than a whole school full of boys that just want to get in my pants.
I'm taking your word for it. You're not fat but you're not skinny either. I don't know if this is considered good advice--but what I do when I start feeling like I'm fat because of the way everyone around me looks, I walk on my treadmill. I've had bad eating habits in the past and that isn't necessarily a good way to go. For me, eating healthy & just walking can really make me feel really good about myself. And don't worry about your friend. Be yourself, seriously. Don't change just to be on the same level as your friend and don't change for guys. It will not make you happy. And certainly don't become more slutty because in the end you won't be happy.
Just concentrate on being you, your interaction with others and eat healthy. I know the eating healthy sounds a little off topic but for me, it has a lot to do with how I feel and my self-esteem so I'm just sharing that with you. Hope I helped.
♥
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If your not too fat or not to skinny then that means your about average. which is good because you dont want to much meat on your bones, but you also dont want to look like a twig. and be able to get hurt easily. :/ Im about average too. and alot of boys like me but most the time its not a good thing. you always got all these boys crawling all over you. basically being on your nuts. if you know what i mean. And most the time all the ugly boys come to you and if the hot ones do then you end up liking two of the hot ones. I mean its not bad to have alot of boys liking you but believe it or not. it does get annoying.
you shouldnt have to wear makeup to get a boyfriend or to feel better about yourself. its just not right. if all those boys are hanging all over your friend because of how she looks and not her personality ... then who wants boys like that. they only want one thing. to get in your pants. let your friend make that mistake with one of them. just dont you do it. you should not be worried about all the boys liking her. it doesnt matter. yes possibly shes really skinny and if you ask me thats gross.
dont put on to much makeup or wear skanky clothes to get noticed. thats like asking to be called a hoe or having the reputation of one. The boys that only want sex will come to you if you dress like that. but if you dress proper like a girl then most likely you will find a hot boy thats not only in it for sexual stuff.
now if you are serious about loosing weight then exercise and eat healthy! they have good exercises in cosmo girl magazine. and you can also do them at home. and if you are to lazy to exercise just cut back on the sugar and soda . it will help.
just what ever you do dont starve yourself. i did that one time when i was 12. yes 12! it was crazy i starved myself for like 2 weeks and then i got sick of it. yes i did loose weight but once i started eating again i gained all the weight back and more!! and at some point i would of had to eat. if i wouldnt of i would of got sick or just died because humans cant go for eternity without eating. :/ just take care of your body. and respect it. who cares what other people think? just believe you are beautiful inside and out. which im pretty sure you are. just what ever you do dont do anything to harm your body in any way. it will do serious damage to you in the future and no boy wants a total skeleton for a gf.
i hope i helped you out.
love kayla
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I understand your feelings when it comes to thinking that guys like curvy and meaty girls and it's not a lie. Some guys like skinny, some guys like meat on their girls.
But this all comes down to a little competition in your mind that you have with your best friend and all of the other girls in your school. You believe in your mind that if you don't have the guys holding onto you like a magnet, you are ugly and worthless. Which you know isn't true, but when you are in a world where just the skinny girls are getting the guys, your mind can't help but think that you've got a problem since you aren't attracting them like everyone else.
When a guy thinks you're hott, it can be a flattering feeling and it should be, but it's not that big of a deal as you think. When a guy says you are hott, it's just a comment about your body. Not anything inside you that really counts. It's just a compliment in physical terms, which can be good, but at the same time we should be worried about what people think of the person we actually are. Being told that you are hott is not big news at all. It's nothing like having a true boyfriend who loves everything about you.
When your best friends gets all of these guys, you get a little intimidated about yourself because you start wondering what she might think of you or the other girls. It's hard enough trying to figure out what every other girl in school thinks of you, but when your best friend becomes one of them, it just makes it worse.
Have you ever looked around and seen that lots of women who aren't very attractive are happily married? Can you imagine what they thought of themselves in school and around their friends? People who aren't that good-looking or attractive to guys in school end up happily married later on when the guys start getting mature and look for an attractive spirit. And luckily, we all choose what our spirit looks like.
Don't let what the guys do or say about you define what you look like. Let yourself define the person you are and what you look like. If you don't like what you see in physical terms, try fixing it if it can be done. If not, then just accept it just like everyone else does when it comes to an insecurity. It's ok to feel paranoid, but don't let it take over you. Dressing up like a slut and acting like one isn't worth it to just hear "you're hott" from a guy you might not even know!
-TheTeenGirl
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