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i keep everything in a bottle
16 and a guy. Ever since I can remember, I've always bottled up my emotions, especially my anger. That lead me into being a shy person most of the times, not all though. Because of that, I find that (and other have told me) that I'm not good at communicating with people. Especially when something bothers me, because I almost never say anything - just to avoid trouble. Here at home especially, and at school its like this. I'd really like some advice on what to do. " Just saying how I feel " is not something I'm used to.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
i used to be like that just go up to them people that make you mad no matter what happeneds tell them what you think of them
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After reviewing the advice others have previously given to your question, I have some interesting remarks.
Many suggested finding some way to 'vent' your anger, and then went on to describe violent things to do to inadament objects. Personally, I don't see how this will help in the long run. All this will do is enforce that it's okay to react negatively and violently out of anger. One day those violent acts might end up being directed toward a person without you realizing it in the heat of the moment. Don't start a habit that might not be healthy, and hard to break.
I would like to suggest going a step further for you. Why don't you spend some contimplative time trying to figure out where your problem, 'bottling up your emotions', originally stems from. This might help you to resolve this issue and move forward.
Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and/or feelings with your family? ... with any friends? If you answered no, that could be a big hint as to why you are having this problem in the first place. Perhaps your family doesn't 'open up' naturally with one another in the first place? Maybe you have never been in the sort of environment where you felt confortable to share?
One thing you mentioned, "... just to avoid trouble", hinted to me that you might be affraid of starting problems, having people blame you for their anger or frustration, etc. Have you ever had people retaliate toward you just because of something you shared? In healthy relationships, each person should be able to share what they are thinking and how they feel without anyone else juding them, talking negatively back to them, or condemning them.
Here are some other suggestions:
1. Practice speaking your mind. Do this intentionally. If you are talking with people and a question comes to mind, simply state.."I have a question though..." and proceed. If something bothers you, you can nicely, yet assertively say, "I'm sorry, but I have to let you know that this bothers me..." There are non-confrontational ways of getting your feelings across; ways that would not offend others.
2. I would suggest maybe joining a friendly, loving youth group, where you can meet others and grow deep intimate relationships with peers and mentors alike- a place where you can share eventually, and not be judged. A place where you can build healthy relationships with other people.
3. Take a speech class. This might not sound like the greatest idea, but it will help you in the long run for many reasons! In a speech class, you won't have to worry about confrontation or offending anyone. Usually they are preplanned and written out, and it will give you some good skills and help you getting over your fears. (If you don't take it in high school, you will most likely need to in college anyhow.)
4. Keep a journal of what bothers you. Normally, what angers a person is something that initially hurt them. It's okay to admit if something hurts you. Men do feel pain, men do cry. Don't allow the lies that men need to be tough tell you otherwise. Deal with the hurt before it turns into anger. Be honest with yourself.
I hope all of my advice will give you a good start on working this all out.
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I know it may sound silly, but try talking to yourself in a mirror to start with, (try to do this when there's no one else around or they'll think you REALLY have problems!). If you get used to the sound of your own voice saying how you feel, and not having to be careful of how you phrase things, in time you should find that you can say these things to another person. If you do do this, try to always end on a positive note, if you leave yourself feeling good about the chat you had, it should make it easier to face someone else. Doing this also enables you to learn how to put things, and the more you do this the easier it will become. Good luck.
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i do the same exact thing, many things work for me, i listen to music as loud as it can go, i stab my bed/pillows/furniture, hitting a wall, run or ride a bike, any long exercise. i also write stuff about how i feel. all these work for me and i hope they work for you.
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Nothing wrong with bottling up emotions. Just make sure you don't explode over it. Find ways to safely and privately release stress.
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First, find an outlet for the negative emotions. Physical activities are definitely good. Maybe get yourself a punching bag or a kickboxing bag. Use it to take out your frustrations on.
As far as communicating with others, start small. You don't have to suddenly beccome outgoing. Just say things when you want to. Find people who you like being around, who talk about things that intrest you. Pretty soon, you'll talk with them a lot more than you ever thought you would.
Also, sometimes chatting online or posting in webforums is a good way to build confidence. It helps you express yourself without feeling threatened by people being around you. Once you get used to talking to people casually, you can be more open in real life.
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You need to assure yourself that it's ok to be angry and upset about certain things that happen. If someone ditches you, you have the right to be angry. You just need to fully understand that it's not unusual to be angry, it's how you feel about a situation, don't be afraid to let it out in some way and feel it.
Such as exercising. If you get angry, do something that requires some skill and work. Like hammering a bunch of nails into a piece of wood.
And as for the expression of your feelings, if someone wants to know what's wrong you don't have to tell them EVERYTHING. Just say, "I'm just a little angry because..." And then fill in the rest. You don't have to sound poetic and sissy in order to let people know whats up. And also think about this: If people want to know how you are feeling and why, let yourself communicate these feelings. It isn't like they asked for nothing. If you start letting at least one person know what's wrong, you'll pick up on it with everyone.
-TheTeenGirl
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theres not really anything wrong with that..people deal with things in their own ways. i always run or somethin when im upset and i normally just sweat it off. try and go out more.. that might help get your mind off things.you dont have to tell anyone anything if you dont want to.
♥ evy
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well, instead of bottling up your feelings, try to be indifferent (that means having no emotions)
Just be a big tough guy. You are 16, the best time to get buff.
And let out your feelings through a more suttle means like destroying stuff. BUt controlled destroying, like breaking boards or trying to rip apart big stacks of paper.
And if you get big and a bit assertive, then express your self. Not your emotions, but yourself, like what you like or do not like. Start by talking about chics,(like what kinds look good, example; blondes/brunettes, smart/dumb) everyone can relate to that.
And if you seem cool, people will naturally do less to upset you. Thats a fact of society!
But just try being indifferent. To build that, you must not succomb to pain. The best pain is that of working out (lift weights, run, join a martial arts club). Don't even think about being a cutter in an attempt to defeat pain. That never works.
By defeating pain, you defeat fear, and fear is the only thing that is holding you back! so unleash your strenght!
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