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how do i flirt sucessfully with a woman. i am a green leaf when it comes down to flirting. mst of the time my attempts fail me, i want to be able to make a woman laugh and attract her some how. im almost 7ft tall. that at times hinders me to. your tips and advice are very much welcomed. thanks (link)
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Here's an alternative...
If your goal here is to meet a woman and eventually have a wonderful relationship with her, flirting is not the way to start that sort of endeavor. Flirting usually leads to shallow dating relationships that don't last long, but burn out quick. Anyone can flirt and throw around suggestive comments and compliments, it's getting to know someone for who they really are that makes the foundation for a great, lasting relationship.
But, where do you meet someone!?!... and if you don't flirt to open conversation, then how!?! I know, this seems like the toughest part, but it doesn't have to be.
Here's an idea. Figure out what sort of things you are interested in, and get involved! You like hiking, find a local group of hikers and meet up with them for one of their hikes. Like going to see plays or movies? Find a group that goes out together to enjoy these often. Perhaps you can visit some churches or other such places, get involved, learn new things, grow as a person, make new friends, etc. Many have singles groups that get together and do some great activities together. You never know, you might meet someone there too. Whatever your interests, you can get involved somewhere in your community where you can grow as a person and make some great friends in the process. Most likely, you'll meet some really great females, of whom you share some interests with, too.
Doing it this way isn't all that bad. Getting to know someone within a group, or as friends first, is usually the best way to really see who they are. In such circumstances they're usually not trying so hard to put only their best foot forward, like usually people do in the dating arena, but are truly expressing who they are.
Stay confident, remember there's someone out there for everyone, live life, enjoy yourself, and you'll most likely find a partner along the way: someone you can get to know without the games of flirting and dating, but instead through living, really getting to know one another, and enjoying one another's company.
Hope this helps. :)
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Im a 14 year old girl, and i am in 8th grade. i Was going out with this one gay....lets call him Jay, i was going out with Jay for 4 months and i think he was my first true love, i still love him but i dumped him because it just had to be done, he didnt treat me right but that didnt stop me from loving him and i still do, the next day his best friend asked me out because he had been crushing on me for 3 months and i said yes because he was super nice, sweet, i knew he would treat me right, and he has. Lets call this guy Tom, well me and tom have been going out for a little more than a month now and he is amazing, and my feelings for my ex are starting to come back, i do not want to be with him, no mader how much i love him i can never be with him again, i guess my question to you is, how do i make these felings go away? or do i let them come back because what is ment to be is what it ment to be... anything helps, thank you!
-Ugh lets call me Wendy (link)
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Wow, this is a really tough one. I once had feelings for someone, and thought they were coming back years after the fact. Truth be told, you can honetly have feelings for a good number of people though. If this guy didn't treat you right, forget about it. It's alright if you care for him and want him to have good things in life. It's alright if there are some qualities in him you like. This is normal, something attracted him to you in the first place. Ultimately, it's highly unlikely you are oging to end up spending the reat of your life with him, and either way, it doesn't sound like a good investment if he 'treated you badly'. Besides, has he tried to get back with you, you didn't mention if he had or not, but I am guessing he hasn't made an effort for it.
So far, you sound like a really smart lady. You've made some very wise decisions so far. I would just write those feelings off as feelings- don't let them take over your life and your common sense. There are enough fish in the sea, it's smart to get out of a bad relationship as soon as possible. You did the right thing. In case you ever feel guilty about having feelings for one guy while dating another, please don't in this case. Don't feel guilty about having "feelings" of care and concern for someone, it's not too awful. It's possible to 'love' someone without being 'in-love' with them, or building a relationship with them.
I hope I'm being clear enough on the difference.
Hope all this helps you a bit. :)
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Is there any website were I can upload a picture of myself and try out different hair styles/colors? Or can anyone think of a search term that can help me find this? Thank you! (link)
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Well, I did a search for you and I found an article with two links to something that resembles what you're looking for. Here is the link:
http://www.usaweekend.com/03_issues/031228/031228web.html
As far as search terms go, try "try new hair styles electronically" That's what I used for my search.
Here is another site that popped up:
www.thehairstyler.com
I think it charges 14.99 or something, but there are over 4,000 hair styles you can 'try on' I believe. Try searching major health and beauty websites, too, or sites for woman that have beauty sections, some of these might have a free program where you can upload a photo and try.
Hope you find what you're lookging for.
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I've recently read in an article about depression and I think I might be getting into the stage if depression, if I'm not already there. I'm a 16 year old female. This last half-year has been insane for me. I dated this unbelievably perfect guy, we were together for a month and a half. I loved every minute of it. Then he got back with his ex... whom I basically stalk. I'm always checking on her myspace and aim... just wishing I was her. I know its so stuppid and lame but I can't help it. I've save all her pictures to my computer and stuff. ANother thing, I've lost my best friend. We were friends for 2 years and she started hanging out with other girls so I basically ditched her right back. I have another friend I mainly hang out with so I'm not exactly lonely, but I don'tlike hanging out with her too much because she has a bf and whenever I'm around the 2 of them, I feel soleft out, basically I'm the 3rd wheel. Another thing, I have major trouble getting up in the morning. I have to be on the bus by 7... I used to get up at around 5:30 and now I never feel like getting out of bed... earliest is probably 6:30 ... I've gained weght, not too much tho, only about 10 lbs, and my face started to break-out a lot. I can't stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend, his gf, and everything. I'm not thinking about suicide or anything cause don't get me wrong, its not too horrible but I just wish I had something to motivat eme and stuff you know? I'm really insecure and I just wish that I wasn't. I mean I'm in high school and I dont wanna regret things. Any advice on how to get my life back on track? Am i suffering thruy depression? (link)
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Wow, I can really relate to you on many of the things you said. Right now I am in my early 20's, in college, but I remember high school... and I've gone through all of this, and since then, more. I'm going to try and comment on each of the things you mentioned. There's a lot going on there, but you'll be ok one step at a time.
First off, I don't think you're suffering from depression. I think you said it best when you said, "... I just wish I had something to motivate me..." I think you are just in a slump and have alot on your mind at the moment, but I wouldn't call it depression. (You can give a sigh of relief now!) :)
Now, let's talk about the guy. You two were together a month and a half, and you're totally convinced he's perfect. Well, no one's really entirely "perfect", so already you're giving him more credit then he deserves. I am sure he may be nice, decent, and have other great quailities about him. I don't know him and he could be really awesome for all I know, but you can't beat yourself up over him. You were only together a month and a half, and it's nearly impossible to really know a person (who they truly are, their character, their integrity, etc) in that short amount of time. When people are dating it is easy to put your best foot forward to make a great impression and get what you want out of the relationship for a time being. It usually takes a much longer amount of time to see what a person's really made of. All that said, don't hold on to him any longer. He's moved on, and is obviously not pining and feeling miserable at the moment. It'd be best to just wish the best for them, and move on too.
The issue of his new girlfriend... I really don't think it will help you to get over everything if you're stalking this girl. You said you wish you were her, instead, why don't you try empathizing for her. She was dating him before you came along, and she was probably hurting while he was with you. Don't be angry that they got back together, and please forget her myspace and delete her aim. It's time for you to purge yourself of things in your life that will only hinder you and keep you from moving forward!
Now, for your friends... many friends are going to come and go in your life. This, I am sure you've recently figured out for yourself. I'm sorry your friend "ditched you", but maybe she hasn't really. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Just because she's made new friends doesn't mean she wants to totally stop spending time with you too. If she does, then she apparently wasn't really your true friend in the first place. I know this would just be some added hurt in your life, but don't hold onto this too long either. Mourn if you need to, but not for too long, and let it go. You can easily make new friends just like you made friends with her two years ago.
As for the friend with the boyfriend, I actually think it's nice of them to hang out with you when they're together. I've known alot of couples that wouldn't hang out with singles for whatever reason, and that's not too cool. If they're being overly affectionate in front of you and it's making you feel bad, talk to your friend when her bf isn't around and just let her know it makes you feel awkward when they do that in front of you. If this isn't the case, and you simply feel jealous, or some other feeling, maybe you need to allow yourself to just feel happy for them, or try and spend time with other single gals like yourself for a while until you feel more stable about everything that's been going on.
Now that the relationship issues are sorted out, let's focus on YOU! :)
(I told you this was going to be alot, didn't I? lol..)
To help with getting up in the morning, try going to sleep much earlier! You will feel totally refreshed and revived by doing this. It is so important to take care of yourself, and your sleep! If you can, try spending 30 minutes every morning exercising. This will wake you up even more. It will also give you energy for the rest of the day. When you exercise you get blood pumping throughout your body and your muscles get more blood flow to them as well. (including your brain!) This will get you off to a nice, healthy start in the morning, and those 10lbs will shed in no time! (make sure you do some stretches before exercising not to cramp up!)
As for acne, I've tried everything! Overall, I would say I have been successful in dealing with it, though, there are some ups and downs here and there. So these are my suggestions: 1. acne usually stems from bacteria in your pores. To take care of this, I've used an anti-bacterial soap for my face to start out with. This will help kill bacteria in the skin. After, get a nice toner/astringent on some cotton and rub that all over your face. This has what it takes to really zap those suckers and help kill the bacteria as well. After, use an oil free moisturizer so you skin won't dry out from the other products/treatments. Do this in the morning, when you get home from school if your face is greasy or feels messy, and perhaps before bedtime. If you're embarrassed by the acne and the marks on your face throughout the day, there are alot of different acne-fighting concealers and foundations on the market. Many of them you can use just on the problem areas, or the entire face, and it won't clog your pores and make more acne like regular concealers and foundations do.
If you're going to be a make-up wearer, it's a good idea to have an acne-fighting, pore-unclogging facial scrub as well. After you wash the makeup off of your face, you can use the scrub to really get everything out of your pores, then astringent/toner, etc. like normal. If you want to know what specific brands I suggest, you can email me, since I'm not sure if we can mention brand names here...
I really truly hope that all of this has helped you. Remember, take everything one step at a time. Clear out the relationship stuff and start taking care of YOU for a while. Keep in shape, stay healthy, make new friendships, start a new hobby maybe, explore ideas and discover what interests you. Maybe join a youth group; a place where you can meet other peers and make friends, or find some great mentors to learn from. You can do it! I'm cheering for you!
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ok so theres this kid in my class, kevin and lately hes been iming me a lot and i talk to him more often than usual and i think i sorta have a crush on him...but im really confused about how i feel but the thing is, my friends and i we pick out guys in my class and tease eachother about liking one of them anbd usually the guys are ones that my friends think are, well ugly and kinda losers, and kevin is one of them. Plus i also have a huge crush on kevins best friend michael but im not sure if that is love or lust. Im sorry if im confusing anyone but help!!1 need help! lol...♥ (link)
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I suggest remaining friends with each of these guys. Get to know who they 'really' are before deciding who you like, or if you like any of them. It usually takes some time to really get to know a person, and you usually get the real deal when you're friends. If you rush into things and date people too quickly, often times you don't find out who they really are for a long time. People have a way of presenting only what they want people to see.
You really need to guard your heart and not just give it to any guy you think you might like. Believe me, you will probably like a lot of people before you find the love of your life, but even then you will meet people and find qualities in them that you like, that doesn't mean they're the one for you or that you should go and get involved with them.
I know having a crush can be exciting, but really think wisely before making any and all relationship decisions- it could save you alot of pain and heartache later on.
Also, making decisions off of 'lust' is always a bad idea, no matter how enticing that might seem for the moment, later on you'll most likely deeply regret it.
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I really like this guy but I found out he likes one of our other friends.
I'm not sure if she likes him, but she's doesn't seem to be discouraging him...
I don't know what to do.
She doesn't know I like him.
I only told our other friend. (since she kind of guessed so.)
But now I've stopped hugging and walking too close to both of them. I can't smile around either. I get a sick feeling.
I don't want to get in between them if they want to have a relationship.
Should I just avoid them? And not go hang around them at lunch and in between classes and after school?
I don't know.
I feel a lot better when away from the two but then all of them will think I hate them...
(link)
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Honestly, you need to be honest. Tell your friends what's going on with you, and what's on your mind. It will help keep things less complicated. Even if your friend ends up with the guy, or no one does, it's good to do your part and be honest with everyone.
In my personal opinion, if you don't end up with him, don't let it get to you too much. I am guessing you are quite young, and there are many fish in the sea. Try focusing on school, spend time with friends, build good familial relationships, learn and grow as a human being. Try and discover what your talents are, what your interests are... take on new hobbies. Enjoy life to it's fullest, and keep a positive outlook.
Sometimes life is what you make of it. If this guy doesn't ever choose you, it's not the end of the world. You're a priceless jewel, and someday you will meet someone and you'll both geniunly enjoy each other's company, respect each other, and care for one another. Don't let anything destroy your joy!
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16 and a guy. Ever since I can remember, I've always bottled up my emotions, especially my anger. That lead me into being a shy person most of the times, not all though. Because of that, I find that (and other have told me) that I'm not good at communicating with people. Especially when something bothers me, because I almost never say anything - just to avoid trouble. Here at home especially, and at school its like this. I'd really like some advice on what to do. " Just saying how I feel " is not something I'm used to. (link)
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After reviewing the advice others have previously given to your question, I have some interesting remarks.
Many suggested finding some way to 'vent' your anger, and then went on to describe violent things to do to inadament objects. Personally, I don't see how this will help in the long run. All this will do is enforce that it's okay to react negatively and violently out of anger. One day those violent acts might end up being directed toward a person without you realizing it in the heat of the moment. Don't start a habit that might not be healthy, and hard to break.
I would like to suggest going a step further for you. Why don't you spend some contimplative time trying to figure out where your problem, 'bottling up your emotions', originally stems from. This might help you to resolve this issue and move forward.
Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and/or feelings with your family? ... with any friends? If you answered no, that could be a big hint as to why you are having this problem in the first place. Perhaps your family doesn't 'open up' naturally with one another in the first place? Maybe you have never been in the sort of environment where you felt confortable to share?
One thing you mentioned, "... just to avoid trouble", hinted to me that you might be affraid of starting problems, having people blame you for their anger or frustration, etc. Have you ever had people retaliate toward you just because of something you shared? In healthy relationships, each person should be able to share what they are thinking and how they feel without anyone else juding them, talking negatively back to them, or condemning them.
Here are some other suggestions:
1. Practice speaking your mind. Do this intentionally. If you are talking with people and a question comes to mind, simply state.."I have a question though..." and proceed. If something bothers you, you can nicely, yet assertively say, "I'm sorry, but I have to let you know that this bothers me..." There are non-confrontational ways of getting your feelings across; ways that would not offend others.
2. I would suggest maybe joining a friendly, loving youth group, where you can meet others and grow deep intimate relationships with peers and mentors alike- a place where you can share eventually, and not be judged. A place where you can build healthy relationships with other people.
3. Take a speech class. This might not sound like the greatest idea, but it will help you in the long run for many reasons! In a speech class, you won't have to worry about confrontation or offending anyone. Usually they are preplanned and written out, and it will give you some good skills and help you getting over your fears. (If you don't take it in high school, you will most likely need to in college anyhow.)
4. Keep a journal of what bothers you. Normally, what angers a person is something that initially hurt them. It's okay to admit if something hurts you. Men do feel pain, men do cry. Don't allow the lies that men need to be tough tell you otherwise. Deal with the hurt before it turns into anger. Be honest with yourself.
I hope all of my advice will give you a good start on working this all out.
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tonite i caused half of my family to hate me right now cuz i didnt wanna spend the night with my cousin so i didnt tell her they asked me to call my mom and see if me and my sisters could so i called her and asked hoping she would say no but she said yes so wen we got to my cousins i told them i was going home so my cousin and her mom got really mad at me and then i went over my other aunties house and then my cousin took me home but she got a call tellin her not to take me home because i was being something but she did anyway and wen i got home my mom got mad at me for not spending the night and i just wanted to stay home and i made up a reason why i didnt wanna spend the night i said because they always put stuff on my face but then they found out and called me a liar so now they hate me am i wrong? (link)
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Lying is wrong. Besides that one mishap, NO, YOU'RE NOT "WRONG" about wanting to go home. You know how schools, and families, teach about peer pressure? Well, families can give a good dose of peer pressure too. If you didn't want to sleep over there and you wanted to go home, they all should've let you go home! WHo would it have hurt? No one!
Perhaps they took it personal, like you were saying you didn't like them or trust them enough to stay over, but that's ridiculous if they thought that. If they did, that's their insecurity, but please don't let it affect you!
Next time, be honest in the first place! That is probably the main reason they were truly upset. You led them on to believe that you wanted to stay, and were in agreement, by going along with them and calling your mom. That still doesn't give them an excuse for making you feel 'trapped'.
Now that you're in this situation, and you're affraid people hate you, here's my suggestion to help you clear things up. First, go to your mother, let her know you didn't want to stay in the first place, but didn't want to hurt their feelings, so you went along with it... how eventually, when you wanted to go home, you did make an excuse, but it was only because you felt trapped. You felt like no one would let you go home. Put it into your own words, just be entirely honest. Then, have a talk with your aunts and cousins. Apologize for not being straightforward in the first place, but let them know it's because you didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, etc. I'm sure they don't "hate" you, and they shouldn't be upset anymore after a nice talk.
To reverse lies, go with the truth. This is really just a simple misunderstanding, and things could be much worse. Please, please be straightforward next time. Do not ever be affraid to say what you need to say, or let people know how you feel about something.
Also, always remember you are allowed to change your mind in life! Similar situations might come up later in life for you, but stay strong and don't let others sway you. Sure, people can give advice, let you know what they think, etc, but there's always a nice, decent, helpful, loving way of doing it. I'm rooting for you! :)
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i have been living with my mom and her spouse for over 13 years the spouse treats me like crap i know she hates me but why do i need to take her crap when my mom just won't do anything about it
(link)
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First off, I would recommend having a heart to heart with your mother. Let her know all of your feelings about anything and everything. Make sure you keep your cool, don't start arguing, yelling, etc. This will only bring tension to the conversation and she'll most likely get defensive.
Perhaps your mom doesn't "...do anything about it" because she feels like she is in the middle, or maybe she doesn't know what to do about it. Either way, she is your mother, and she needs to know everything that goes on. Let her know you don't want to complain, but that you want to have a resolution and that you want to get along as well as feel loved, accepted, and comfortable in your home.
Also, you may need to have a heart to heart with your mom's partner. Maybe after you speak with your mom, you can both sit down with her partner. Make sure she knows that you want to get along with her, and that you just want what's best for everyone. Emphasizing this will help them not turn on the 'defensive mode', which can make the conversations turn into arguments.
Make sure you do whatever you can to keep peace in the home. You are always in charge and responsible for your own actions no matter what anyone else is going. Never act in reaction to another person, but rather act on integrity. Even if things don't get better for a while, just make sure YOU are doing what's best and true and right.
Also, do not let the situation get you down. I know it can be hard to keep your joy and happiness when someone who shares a home with you is hurting and mistreating you throughout the day. Home should be a place of peace and comfort. Make sure you keep good, positive friendships in your life to help through tough times. If you're friends aren't so great, and they're hindering you too, you don't need them. It will only add to the stressful situation.
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I am so confused about what I want with my life. Well, I know a little. For one, I want to finish high school (of course). After that I just don't know. I LOVE romance languages, and want to become fluent in all of them (Spanish, Italian, French, Romanian, Latin, Portuguese) as well as German and Arabic. Languages are like my hobby, my life. So maybe I can become a professional translator or something.
College is a big factor though. My life has really changed this year, along with my thoughts. I don't know if I want to go to college. I've taken some AP classes, and if college is anything like them, then that's just too much stress to deal with as well as maintaining relationships and keeping a steady job. I know that college is worth it because it opens up a lot of career opportunities, but I don't know..writing numerous papers, reading a number of pages/books, and having multiple tests all in one week just seems too much for me.
I am sure of one thing though: I want to move to Europe and become fluent in the listed languages above. That is my dream. I also want to be successful, though, which might contradict the possibility of my not going to college.
So a few questions:
1. Am I making the right decision about college? If not what should I do?
2. How much planning and preparation does it take to move to Europe?
Thank you. (link)
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First, let me start off by saying I think it's amazing that you've really found something that you love. Not everyone has found something they can really say that about.
Second, as far as AP classes go, I remember how hard they were. I also remember that once my friends and I actually went to college, whether it was a community college, technical school, private school, or big-time public university, we all had one thing to say about those high school AP classes: they were harder and more time-consuming then the actual college courses were. Don't let some AP classes with an overload of paperwork scare you. Many college courses do not have alot of paperwork. There are essays and tests, but they're not super-frequent usually.
Third, If you love the romance languages, study the romance languages. Maybe you'll be a professional translator, but there are a whole array of careers you can pursue with a degree associated with language. You can work with people that are trying to learn english, you can work for major businesses/corporations to help them communicate with other countries. The list goes on. The possibilities are truly endless.
Lastly, about your dream to move to Europe. I don't know how much it costs to move there, but I would never say it's far from your reach. Just about all colleges/universites have internships all around the world. Many also have study abroad programs, where they send you to another country to study at one of their colleges/universities for a semester or two. If that's not enough, colleges/universities even have travel/vacation packages all around the world with special discount group rates for their students. Eventually, you can even transfer and continue your education over there. Many you will get accepted to go to school there now? The possibilities are endless!!!!!! Don't let fear, or other people ever hold you back from your dreams and what you were made to pursue! :)
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what are typically the required classes of college? (like how many maths, histories, englishes, and sciences do you have to take to graduate?)
also, does college care if you "skip around" with your classes? for example, taking only a math class and 2 electives one semester? basically can you take any class whenever you want lol (link)
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Required classes really depend on what you want to study. I will tell you though, no matter what you study, most colleges and universities do make you take a certain amount of each of the classes you listed (general education classes). It really all depends, every college/university is different as far as how many of each.
As for your second question, (you're going to really love this), they really do not care if you "skip around". In college, you can basically do whatever you want as far as taking classes, when, how many, with what teacher, etc. It's all up to you. You can even skip an entire semester if you want to! (this comes in handy if 'things', like a family emergency, turn up in your life and you really need the semester to concentrate on other aspects of your life) I don't recommend skipping entire semesters unless really necessary though (otherwise it will take a long time to get any degrees)
Alot of people do not realize how flexible college can be. Many force themselves to take a lot of classes non-stop to the point of burn-out and exhaustion. Eventually, sometimes, they realize they don't even like their major.
To make college even easier, most are providing night-time and weekend courses in case you work. They even have tele courses (you can watch the instructor from a tv at home) or online classes (you submit homework/tests/quizzes as easily as you submit questions on this site! The possibilities and flexibility of higher education is endless!
I do need to warm you though, if you are getting some financial aid or scholarships, they sometimes require you to take a certain amount each semester. For example, I had a scholarship that required me to take a certain amount of classes each fall and each spring semester without skipping any fall or spring semesters. Once I skipped a semester or did not take the right amount of classes, they could drop my scholarship money.
I would say, truly evaluate every option fully before making decisions. Get as much information as you can about everything. Every college/university has different particular little rules and guidelines they stick in there. Once you're interested in a specific place, try and find current students to ask questions to get more info.
As far as majors go, I would evauluate every option there too, keeping an open mind and then start narrowing down to the things that spark your interest. Contact people who have successful careers in each of the professions to help you get more of a taste of what you might be getting yourself into.
Remember, do what you love, and enjoy it!
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whats the age that i should have sex (link)
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I don't know how old you are, what stage of life you're in etc, but this is what I think in general:
The way socitey has gone, as far as intimate relations is pretty daunting, it's pretty sad. WHat was once precious and special is now treated a casually as... I don't know, going to a movie or hanging out with friends. Sex is all over the media to the point where even very young pre-teens wonder more about it then they really should. I might sound a bit old-fashioned, but I'm in my early 20's, so hear me out...
If you're underage, in school, have not really experienced what it's like to balance a job, pay bills, keep classes at bay, hold good friendships and relationships within your family and elsewhere, have emotional stability, have sorted out any 'hindering' issues you may be caring with you, etc. Then, I really don't think you'd be ready enough to embark on such a deep relationship that sex would be involved.
Relationships are hard work, they can be quite emotionally taxing and time consuming, nevermind throwing sex in the mix.
Then again, of course, you can have a typical 'casual' intimate relationship that doesn't mean anything, but I don't recommend it AT ALL and I'm pretty sure you DON't want that. In the long run, it's not healthy.
Speaking of health, there are many health concerns realted with sex. You really need to stay aware of STD's and other diseases not normally associated with sex, like hepatitis for example. You cannot tell if someone has a disease by simply looking at them, and some do not show signs or symptoms for long periods of time either.
Pregnancy is another concern. I once knew a couple who became pregnant. They wanted to raise it together since they planned on staying together for sometime. They were both in school, one still living at home with a part time after school job, the other in college full time with no job. You could imagine the bind they were in; they felt stuck, trapped, confused, stressed out and emotionally strung out. It was difficult for them for a while.
I really feel that for a relationship to reach the 'sex' level, they should be committed to one another. They should be able to provide for one another and possibly a child if that were to ever come. (The couple I mentioned before used two methods of birth control by the way...) They should be comfortable enough with one another that they can easily discuss all of these things together; even to the point of going to the Dr.'s together to get tested, etc if need be.
Essentially, I really feel like the best solution would be to save sex for marriage; the kind of relationship where you would get all of the above and more. Then, you don't have to worry about pregnancy, emotional preparedness, finances, and many of the other factors that could cause problems.
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I hate life like you wouldnt even believe. My dad left when i was a baby and my mom is on meds and living with a bf or maybe just some guy she has sex with and so ever since i was young i have been forced to live with my grandmother. My mom and aunt are on meds for depression and stress and they both claim its cuz of my gma which doesnt surprise me cuz she makes me insane, i wish i was dead like every 20 seconds. ever since i had sex she has been talking about eh guy for ever and its really hard for me cuz i really like him and she is the reasion why we are not together and all she ever does is tell me how worthless i am and how im stupid and how the only job i will get is selling my self even tho my grades are ABBBCC and she tells me that i am really low and just basicall puts me down every chance she gets. and i believe that is why i have no self confidence what so ever. and i believe that is why i had sex with my bf because he was the only guy who ever made me feel special and beautiful. but thats besides the point. everyday she reminds me of my mistakes and its getting old and i just want to shoot my self so i have been drinking and taking pills to make me feel alright and what not and well my question is this what can i do so i dont feel like shit 24/7? just a second ago i was going to go out cuz one of my friedns called me and she said oh you look easy enough, so how manny boys do you think you are going to fuck and so i riped my shirt and threw it at her adn said 100 get in line bi***
any ideas or insight would be much appreciated
thank you (link)
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Please, read my advice and truly consider it.
I have to start by saying I mainly agree with true_image89 on this one.
I've been in some tough home situations myself. Sometimes the weight of it all is too much to bear. It's even harder when you're living in someone else's home, under their rules and condemning words.
I think the first step would be to try and quit with the drinking and the drugs before it becomes a really serious problem. The sooner you quit, the better. They will only make this situation incredibly worse for you. I know it's not what you want for your life, and you have great potential.
It's incredibly sad the situation your parents have put you in, and I know deep down there are some issues of hurt and rejection reguarding your parents. I've been there myself. I do want to let you know that you do have a heavenly Father who cares for you reguardless. He has a mighty plan for your life, I believe it.
The feelings you have: "I hate life... i wish i was dead like every 20 seconds...i have no self confidence what so ever... " First off, I really don't blame you for feeling down considering the environment you described. You really need to just KNOW that what they say to you isn't true. Don't take what they say personal, consider it this way... they're obviously the one's with the problems. For someone to speak to a family memeber, someone they have supposedly cared for as they grew up, the way you desccribed, is incredibly sad, and only shows how 'worthless' they are being, not you.
That said, I would highly recommend finding a church to communicate with. Find one that a friend, or someone you know goes to. Make sure the people there are loving, receiving, and non-judgmental. A church family can really give alot of support, help you find ways to cope, provide a distraction from what's going on, give you some new friends and mentor's who will really care about you, and about making a POSITIVE impact on your life. You never know, maybe you will meet some decent people there that you can stay with for a while. If not, at least you will have a POSITIVE environment to go to now and then.
As for school, please, please, PLEASE! keep it up! I am so proud you are doing well with your grades! Make sure you have plans to go to college someday! You can go for just about anything, and with a college degree, you can really make a living doing just about anything- don't let anyone EVER hinder your dreams! They were placed inside of you for a very special reason- only you can do what YOU especially were put here on this earth to do!
One day, I'm sure, you will find yourself helping other young ladies like yourself, and you will have alot of experience and wisdom to share.
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