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A silent cry for help.
I don't know whats wrong with me. I might be depressed but I don't know. Well my dad died when I was 7 and my mom went blind (a lot of stuff happened but I don't want to say online...friends go here and stuff) so anyway. Lately everyting sets me off. I start to cry. Not just cry but hide under my blanket and half scream into my pillow. I used to cut myself a while back, but I stopped because all my friends didn't look at me the same way. My life is pretty messed up, but I've always been able to deal with it before. This one person said that I should talk to someone outside of my family, someone I trust. The thing is, I don't trust anyone so its hard to do that. So I have really kept all this in for like ever.... I have been having like panick attacks. I can't talk to a lot of people at once online, or I get angry and overwhelmed. I keep friends for a month, than I stop talking to them for a month and than the next month I talk to them again. I cry like every night. I don't want to talk to a counsler as everyone suggested because they get payed to listen to problems they don't really want too. Besides I don't cry in front of people. I have never cried in front of anybody except like maybe when I was like five. I feel so weird if I cry in public and people give me sympathy or w/e. I don't want sympathy. I don't want to talk to some stranger who just sits there and listens. Idk. I've been to one before right when my dad died and it didn't help at all. They released me after like two sessions saying I was a normal child. Even though I wasn't, I never talked during the sessions because like I said I just wasn't comfortable at all, and I don't feel like the counsler really wants to be there. There is a lot more stuff, I just don't really wanna type it all out. I know this is super long and hardly anyone is going to read it. But if you do, please help me. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You need a counsoler. There may be a lot of things going on from depression to ADHD to Bipolar. Whatever is happening can be treated. I understand you don't want to bother your mother. But under the circumstances you can't afford not to. Your mother will take the right action. Remember, whatever is happening in your life, your loved ones really care and can see you through it. But you have to let them know something is wrong.
If you can't open up to them at first thats ok. They understand. They'll be patient with you. But in order for them to help you you have to ask for help. Thanks for placing your question here. Thats the first positive sign you want to help yourself, now someone else can take over if you wish. Good luck
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Yes, you need a therapist, and if you can't open up to them right away it's ok. This is different then when you went after your Dan passed away, and you are no longer a "normal child". You almost certainly have at least one mood disorder, I see symptoms of two actually, and you probably need to be medicated to some degree. If you don't then it might get much worse. If you can't bring it up to your mother or caregiver, ask your guidance counselor to point you in the right direction. Tha is their job. There isn't anything "wrong" with you, it's just like being sick and needing to go to the doctors.
If you don't have guidance conselors then tell your favorite teacher, or even least favorite teacher. It doesn't matter. Tell someone at school that you need help finding help. That is their job, to help you.
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There are a lot of things going on here. One thing is for sure; you have a chemical imbalance going on. You are feeling out of control, which is exacerbating your condition. One way to help yourself get through this is to be more prudent in the types of foods that you eat. There are so many chemicals that are being added to our foods simply so that the large corporations can make tons of money. It is all about that $. Anyway, there is a chemical called MSG that is in absolutely everything, from foods spices like Accent (it is all MSG), Fertilizers like AuxiGro, preservatives (every restaurant you go to uses it to keep their salad bar fresh), soft drinks, Seltzer Water (its call natural flavorings)...I could go on and on. My point is that this particular ingredient alone has wreaked havoc on our emotional stability. If something says "Natural Flavorings" on the bottle, don't ingest it. I know for myself that if I eat one thing with this in it you have to peal me off the roof. I am so highly emotional that you wouldn't want to be in the same room with me. So be aware of this particular ingredient in your foods. When you go to a Chinese restaurant ask them not to use MSG in your food. They are the worst culprits in the restaurant business. Start eating more fresh fruits and vegetables and make sure that they are organically raised. This will give you a stronger chance of getting a healthier vitamin rich food. Start reading the labels. There are more chemicals in the foods today than food. Meat and dairy products are filled with antibiotics, hormones, and steroids. I will include a website below for you to go to so that you can read up on these things. I don't want to make my advise about foods since there are more pressing things going on with you right now. But I do want to make one last comment on the foods you take in. If you are eating these types of foods, fast foods, food filled with process sugar and corn syrup you are only magnifying the anger and hurt that you are feeling. If you have been eating a lot of sugary foods lately? Than you are feeding your pain and it will get stronger. Start drinking lots of water to help flush this stuff out of your system. Once you quit eating the harmful stuff you may go through a period of about 3 days where you will feel, well, not your best. You may even experience flu like symptoms. This is just your body detoxing and getting rid of these harmful chemicals. These chemicals are exaggerating your since of helplessness.
Now I get that you don't want to go to a therapist for help. They aren't for everyone. A couple of things that I have found that works for me are: I study my own conditions (I've got quite a few myself) and I join local support groups. What's great about a support group is you can learn a lot from other people who are suffering from the same condition you are. I am not a professional in the psychology field, but if I were to venture a guess I'd say that you are suffering from clinical depression. I've included some sites on this issue as well. You might try contacting a local group called Al-anon, I've included a website below about them. They would be a great place to start in a support group. There is an 800# on that site. You can call them and they will hook up with a local chapter. As I mentioned earlier, you can learn a lot from these groups. These people are experiencing the same thing that you are. There will be someone there who is just like you and you can learn from them what has worked and what doesn't work so you don't have to waste time figuring it out. Also, there are some natural herbs that you can take that will be of some help to you and they are: St. Johns Wort, Holy Basil, Ginkgo Biloba, Ginger, Siberian Ginseng, just to name a few. All you have to do is put, "herbs for depression" in your search engine and you'll get a plethora of informative sites. The important thing here is that you work on improving yourself. No matter what is thrown in front of you simply move past it and keep going. Take care of yourself FIRST and FORMOST. You are the most important thing in our life and you need to honor yourself. Get yourself on a healthy diet, involve yourself in a good support group and take herbal supplements and though I didn't mention it earlier, involve yourself in a light workout/sports program of some kind. Your life will get better in no time.
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teens suffering from depression
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Namaste!
LULABELLE
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I think the reason your life is so messed up right now is because you've never had the real opprotunity to open up to someone. And I know you feel like counselors are there to listen to problems they really don't want to, but really, they are there because they enjoy their job and like helping other people. If they didn't truly want to help you they wouldn't have made it their profession. Just think about that. =)
Anyways, there's not much I can say to help at this point but I can listen. IM me if you want, blondstbrunete34. Talk to ya soon.
much ♥
Christina
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try and ask if you could have some one to talk to in a more relaxed place.i know therapists office are all uncomfortable.if you really dont want to talk to one.then keep a journal,it helps a bit so u dont keep things bottled up.i know how you feel about the whole sympathy thing.its like i dont want sympathy i just want some one to listen.i am sure if u talk to some one you trust or write it down it will help.also try painting and crafts that reflect your mood.
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EDIT: I know that your mom is dealing with depression, but so are you. Don't you matter too? If you were a mother with depression and your daughter was hiding her feelings, would you want her to come to you for help, or would you rather her not tell you because you are too depressed? Your mom may be dealing with a lot in her life, but you are her daughter, a top priority. And being in counseling doesn't mean that you are happy all of the time. Falling apart and crying is ok in counseling. It's ok to fall down, if you keep everything bottled up, then it wouldn't be right or helping you at all. You can't have these high expectations for yourself. It's being selfish to yourself by letting you drag acrossed concrete. It's not right, you are looking for a solution that doesn't exist other than reaching out, but you won't seem to take that. So when you decide that you are a human being that deserves love and self-respect, then maybe you should ask for adice then, but now isn't the time for you.
I think that person was right when they suggested that you reach out to someone outside of your family. I know that you explained that you don't really have that, but maybe you aren't aware of your options.
You said that you don't want to see a counselor or therapist because you didn't feel comfortable and you felt like they weren't really there to help you. It sounds to me like you only felt this way about one therapist before your dad died. So you were pretty young when you saw this therapist.
Sometimes when people see therapists, they switch if they feel like their current one isn't helping at all. And I really think that since you are much more mature and older now, that you can try one again. I really think that you should give another one a chance because I really think that it wouldn't be fair to assume that they are only in this job for the pay. They had to go to college and major in this career field, so it took a lot to get to where they are in this job. So I wouldn't think they wasted their time to get a job they aren't enjoying.
In the meantime, maybe you should try talking to your mom about what's going on with you. You are hiding your feelings and I think someone should know that you really need help to get back on your feet. When you cry alone and act like nothing is wrong, you become more miserable because you think that nobody can help. Being alone makes depression ten times worse. If you're scared that your mom is already having enough troubles with being blind and living life the way she is, don't let that stop you from telling her that you are depressed. You are her daughter and you both lost someone important in your life. You both have each other left to hold onto and stick together by coping with this together.
If you have someone in your family to talk to, do that if you need to. Anyone you know that you can trust and that can help you out of this, talk to them. If you are feeling miserable in school, don't hesistate to see the counselor. If a counselor knew this was going on in your life, they'd probably want to help you. Don't let your thought of them not wanting to help you stop them from trying. You've got to learn to give people chances and guidance even if it means forcing yourself into the situation.
The first step to getting over depression is admitting that you have a problem and asking for help. You know that you have a problem, so tell your mom that you need help. Let someone know that everything is hurting inside. If you need anymore help concerning this situation, please send me something in my inbox, I am here to help, and don't think that I'm not. I know that you have a lot to give as a person and I have a lot in me to give you as an anonymous friend.
-TheTeenGirl
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you've had it really rough =/
the best thing to do other than talking to a guidance councilor or psychiatrist is try to make yourself better. you said you've cut before so you must not have too high of a self-esteem so i think you should do more things for yourself, such as going shopping for stuff you want and doing anything that makes you happy. you've only got one life to live and even though yours isnt the greatest, you might as well live the rest the best you can. if you REALLY think your depressed then you should maybe talk to someone like me who gives advice but you wont have to talk to them in person, you can email or IM back and forth, that way you wont have to feel awkward and people on this site DO really want to help you so you'll know they're here for the right reasons. AND they dont get paid so thats also something to think about knowing they're here to help.
anyways if you need someone to talk to then im here for you and i promise i'll listen completely.. good luck <33
<3 allie
[EDiT]
if you want us to talk i can give you some ideas.. my screenname is allie x3x :)
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