BIOGRAPHY:
My name is Carrie, and I just recently turned 25. I've been told that I give excellent advice, so I created this column last year with the intention of helping as many people as possible. Although I do believe I succeeded, I ultimately turned my back on this column when I discovered just how cruel and thankless some people can be. Almost one year later a lot has changed. I've gained a whole new perspective on life and the world around me. I'm much more positive, sympathetic, and willing to listen when people truly need help. So now I've decided to come back and focus my attention on the individuals who are truly in need of advice.
ADVICE:
I'm very genuine when it comes to giving advice. I try to be sympathetic to the person asking the question, but I don't ever sugar coat things. I've learned quickly that many people who ask for help don't really want advice - they want someone who will say what they want to hear. Sorry, but you're not going to get that with me. I'm not here to make friends (if a friendship happens though, yay for me!). You'll always get the truth from me whether you like it or not. While the truth may sting just a bit to begin with, it will absolutely set you free in the long run. If you want to be lied to, please seek advice from somebody else.
CONTACT INFO:
If you like my advice and have additional questions for me, click on the link right underneath this profile that says "Ask Me A Question." If you leave your follow-up question for me in my feedback, I have no way of replying to it. Please use the link. Also, I have an e-mail address where people can get in touch with me if they need to. Feel free to use it.
IMPORTANT:
This may be a hobby in some people's eyes, but I don't like it when people waste my time regardless of whatever it is I'm doing, which in this case, is providing a free service out of the kindness of my heart. So please don't ask me stupid questions, and please make an effort to type sensibly so that I can read and understand your question. I know there are a lot of young people on this site, but that's no excuse to type like you're brain dead. Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation is highly appreciated with me. The more intelligent your question is, the more intelligent of a response you'll get from me.
ABOUT ME:
Here are some facts about me. I like pop music (especially Madonna). I like horror movies (especially Scream). I like to chat (on MSN). I love to write (poetry, screenplays, short stories). I love shopping (Best Buy). I'm a gamer (I'm better than a guy - Xbox 360 all the way). I have a MySpace (Click "Ask Carrie" for the link). I love my doggies (I have 2). I'm not a bitch (...well, sometimes). I love to laugh (and sometimes I pee a little when I do). It happens.
Website: Ask Carrie
E-mail: soundslikepink@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: What's that?
Age: 25
Member Since: June 10, 2007
Answers: 195
Last Update: September 13, 2008
Visitors: 17110
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well my name's yvette
14/f
im currently dating someone that im like totally in love with the problem is we've only been together for a little more than a week and it usually takes me months before i tell a guy i love them even if within that period of time they've already said it to me well about the 3rd day into this relationship he busted out the 3 magic words and to my suprise i said it back...and meant it...it scares me to be falling so soon and i've been hurt so many times im afraid of how much it will hurt me if me and my current guy ever break up i love him but i put up a wall with every guy im with and it's up for him to i really want to trust him and give him everything but im scared so my question is should i tear down the wall for him because he's so different from my past relationships or is it to soon? thanx on advance =) (link)
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Yvette, you lead a very mature and complicated life for a 14 year old. As satisfying as it is to feel grown and sophisticated, you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You're playing a game right now that makes you feel older, but when you're in your 20s and 30s and you're still playing that same ole game, you're going to be absolutely miserable and wish you had waited a little while longer before you decided to play.
You're missing out on something really fun and cool right now - being 14! Life shouldn't be so serious when you're that age. It should be a celebration of fun, being young, and growing up. You shouldn't be telling guys you love them and giving them "everything." Even if you wait months, that's still way too soon! Look at what it's gotten you so far - nothing but past experiences. Love doesn't just fade into nothing like that.
If you're with someone who says they love you after 3 days, don't walk but RUN AWAY!!! This person is either trying to manipulate you or is as confused as you are. I'm well aware that these are things you don't want to hear, but if you want advice you should at least get it from someone who cares and can see the bigger picture. Save "everything" for the person who's worthy of having it. One day you'll meet someone deserving of your words, your love, and your affection.
That doesn't happen at 14.
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okay so I just started my freshman year and I like this guy and I mean I really like him. but I don't even know him and I never spoke to him. it's like when he's near me,my heart begins to beat fast. and even when I think of him,I blush .ain't that stupid?lols. when I see him,I blush and squel. but I don't know him but I have those feelings like I have butterflies in my stomach when I see him. and I'm too shy to even talk to him . and he has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do. what should do? is this feelings weird? or normal? (link)
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Aww. How cute. :)
Don't worry. Everything you're feeling is completely normal. It's a little emotion called "infatuation." It happens to a lot of people, but it mostly happens to us girls. You better get used to it, because it doesn't seem to go away!
As for what you should do, I think you should stop and enjoy this precious moment. Very rarely will you have another feeling as pure and intense as this one. If you're feeling up to it, say "hi" to him. I'm sure he isn't going to bite you.
He has a girlfriend, so you have to respect that and respect her, but for right now maybe you could be his friend. Chances are, he won't always have that girlfriend, and maybe whene she's on her way out, you can find a way to work your way in.
Stranger things have happened!
If he doesn't want to be your friend, you have to respect that too. And just remember that no matter what happens, you'll survive it. No emotion - not love nor heartache - is so intense that it can't be gotten over with a little time.
So with that in mind, enjoy your crush!
The butterflies won't last forever.
Good luck and let me know how things go. :)
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15/f
Okay so I haven't really had a "real" boyfriend before, and this guy and i have sort of had a thing for each other. i'm really scared though because i want to stay a virgin until i'm married and i won't really go farther than making out. Will he get bored of this? Do relationships end because they are bored of making out with you? i'm terrified that we'll be in the middle of a makeout session and he'll stop kissing me and be like "i'm sick of this..." or will he always think making out is fun? do you know any guys who have ever been sick of their girlfriend/making out with them? (link)
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Yes. Every guy ever.
I commend you for holding on to your virginity. I'm 25 years old and a virgin (by choice). I've always thought of my virginity as a gift that I want to give to the man that I love on our wedding night. It sounds so sweet and perfect, but the truth is...life isn't a fairytale. If you're going to remain a virgin until you're married, you're going to have to be willing to go through hell to get to heaven.
I've fooled myself into believing that I was in love several times. I've been ready to give it away thinking that I'd met the one. I told myself it'd be no big deal to give in early to the guy if he's the one I'm going to marry. The problem with that is if you wait long enough and don't give in, things fall apart and you'll see that you made the right decision.
The truth is, it's hard to say no. It's especially hard to say no to guys you have feelings for. But if the guy truly loves you, he'll wait because he knows it's what you want. The trouble with that is, most younger people (especially guys) don't care what other people want. Their priorities are their own needs and desires first. That makes waiting more difficult.
Being young is fun because you get to be selfish. Selfishness and love are two things that don't mix. Trying to find a guy who's young and who's willing to wait for sex is next to impossible. That sets up the person who's waiting for sex for a lot of pain and heartache. Virtually your only two choices are to embrace the pain to come or keep your heart to yourself.
There will be lots of tears, trust me. There will be many times when you think you've found the one only to realize you've found a jerk. There will be lots of wanting, trust me on that too. There will be many times when all you want is to have a connection with another person as deeply as the ones people around you are having. The loneliness is the hardest part.
The best way to deal with a situation like this is to surround yourself around people who support you and share your desire to wait. You're going to need all the support you can get, and it's hard remaining a virgin and hearing about the wonderful sex lives of others. However, keep an eye on those people. Those are the people whose lives are overly complicated.
Use their stress as an inspiration not to give in.
You should know that there are several good things about being a virgin. Not only will your life be less complicated (no pregnancies, no STDs, no boys using you as their sex toy), but it'll be enhanced. You'll learn to respect yourself more. Others will admire your strength and willpower. And because they can't have you, guys everywhere will want you.
I'm not going to lie...I'm a tease, and I love it. There's nothing that makes you feel sexier than not having sex. There's no greater sense of power, control, or pleasure you get from knowing that you're the center of attention and that you have something everybody wants but can't have. That feeling will give you a rush. It's like an orgasm that doesn't end.
Embrace that power.
Don't see waiting for sex as something you're not doing. See it as something very bold that you are doing. You're taking the road less traveled. That's a good thing. You can watch a porn and see what sex is like, but how many people can say they know what being a virgin at 20 or 25 or 30 is like? Obviously, you may get married sooner than that, so don't stress.
Lastly, masturbate.
There's nothing wrong with masturbating, and it's the #1 tool that helps people truly wait for sex until they're married. Learn how your body works and learn how to use it to your advantage. I promise you, not only will you have a good time on your own, but it'll make you a better lover for your future husband. That makes the gift you have to give even sweeter.
Good luck and let me know if you have anymore questions! :)
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I havent had a boyfriend in more than a year and its not like i need a boyfriend, but i want one. So i want to know what guys find attractive. All ages please, and mostly guys opinions, but girls are fine. I do not want to hear confident, because i already am, thanks (link)
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Well, I am a girl, but I'm the kind of girl who only has guy friends, so I feel 90% comfortable speaking for guys. I'm sure someone somewhere will disagree with me, but I know a lot of my guy friends would agree with what I'm about to say.
First of all, I have to say this even if you know it. Guys DO like confidence, which you say you are, but if you were you wouldn't have to ask questions like this. So regardless of how confident you perceive yourself, being confident in the eyes of a guy is a completely different thing. Work on it just a little bit more.
Physically, this question is even more difficult to answer. The truth is, no matter what your body type is, there are guys out there somewhere who LOVE it. You just have to find those guys. And trust me, they ARE out there. Some guys like big girls, skinny girls, tall girls, asian girls, girls with accents, girls with short hair, etc. The media might portray one thing, but guys aren't as affected by the media as us girls are. Despite what TV, movies, music, and magazines suggest, guys like a wide variety of women - not just Barbie.
Guys really like girls who are feminine but can enjoy some of the things that entertain them. For example, I cry at movies, love pink, love to shop, and if you poll most of my guy friends they'll say I'm the girliest girl ever. However, those same guys will tell you that there's a side to me that's very guy-ish. I can go toe to toe with them in video games, love talking about technology stuff, dig watching porn, make crude jokes, etc.
I have all of my bases covered.
Guys also really like girls who are lighthearted and as drama free as possible. If you find yourself in a situation with a guy who doesn't mind getting into the most dramatic parts of your life, run away! That means THEY'RE a drama queen too. Most guys - most GOOD guys - love a girl who can laugh at herself, laugh with them, doesn't bitch and complain all the time, knows how to have fun, and can handle her own problems like an adult. A good guy will help you with your problems. A drama queen will take advantage of that and dump all of her problems on the guy. After a while, guys get sick of that...pretty quickly usually. So lighten up.
The best advice I can give you, because this question is incredibly vague, is to find out who you are and be it completely. Guys really find girls sexy when they can be themselves. Guys hate having to be mind readers and doing detective work; therefore, they hate trying to figure out who a girl is and what she's all about, especially when the girl has no clue who she is or what she's all about. Although this is the vague answer, this is the most honest answer - guys like it all.
Men like ladies who they can respect; men like sluts who they can get dirty with; men like women who can be funny; men like women who can be serious; men like women who can get all dressed up, yet men don't tend to like women who are vain and full of themselves; men like women who are confident; men like when women do cute, nervous things unintentionally; men like women who can embody everything and can still be themselves at the end of the day. It's not really that hard to please a man if you know what you're doing.
Every guy likes something different. Guys really like it - because unfortunately it's rare - when girls stop thinking about themselves long enough to think about them, learn what they like, learn what they want, and give it to them on occasion. It makes a man feel good. If you make your mission to get down to the very core of a specific guy and see what makes him tick, you'll pretty much have him eating out of the palm of your hand. Guys are simple creatures. Find out what makes them happy, and then make them happy.
5 Things to Be:
1. Be yourself.
2. Be versatile.
3. Be laid back.
4. Be affectionate.
5. Be his buddy.
Good luck!
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Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost nine months. I love him very much. I'm always looking for ways to show him I love him, more than just saying the words. If anyone has ideas on things I could do I would greatly appreciate it. I've already burned him a few mix cd's with songs that say how I feel about him, and I made him a notebook full of 101 reasons why I love him. I also made a list of 101 things I want us to do together. Any other suggestions...? (link)
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If I'm being completely honest, your lists are probably driving him crazy. If you really want to prove to him that you love him, stop making him lists! You seem to be under the popular misconception that what would make you happy is the same thing that'd make him happy. It's not.
Girls and boys are pretty different, so if you want your boy to know you love him, you have to do things that he'll enjoy. Watch movies with him that he likes. Play games with him that he'd like. Go places with him that he likes. Buy presents for him that he asks for. Do things that make him happy.
It isn't just your words that shows someone you love them, it's your actions. While your lists may be a kind and thoughtful gesture, how do you think it translates to him? Remember, girls and boys are different and he may interpret it a completely different way. Talk to him and get to know what he likes.
Just remember three things:
1. Relationships are about compromise. You want to make him happy, but don't put yourself in the position of being unhappy for the sake of his happiness. In a successful relationship, both people are happy and work towards maintaining that. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to or aren't ready for (such as sex) just for him. If he loves you in return, he'll respect you enough not to make you do things you don't want to do.
2. Open the lines of communication between the two of you. The simple fact that you're asking this question suggests to me that you don't know this guy very well or you wouldn't need tips on how to make him happy or say "I love you". Happiness shouldn't be that hard to achieve, so make sure that you know how he's feeling and that he knows how you're feeling. That's crucial to the lifespan of any relationship.
3. When you're in love, it can make you feel like you heart is swelling up with so much joy and happiness that you might explode. This feeling is usually released by letting the other person know how you feel, so naturally you want to say it and show it as much as possible. Be careful with that, because that leads to smothering the other person, which can lead to a very fast breakup. Nobody likes to be smothered, especially guys.
So just ease up a bit and learn the fine art of subtlety.
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13/f
OK. So i have problems with likeing guys. i like 2 guys at once and they both like me back. and this always happens to me. and then i end up making the wrong choice. plus i cant stay in a relationship. my friends go out with there boyfriends for like 2-10 months. im a select soccer player who likes emo stuff dresses prep/skater/geek/whatever i feel like. i like to read and i like computers. I love to talk and everything. plus im geeky and a tomboy. SO that makes a very odd person. and i cant find a guy that fits into more than 2 of those things so sometimes its hard. so bottem line is
1)how can i find out what type of guy i want
2)how can i keep myself out of love triangles
3)why does this have to happen!!
Please help. = ( (link)
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You could avoid all of this aggravation by being single, which really isn't as hideous an idea as it may seem to you and your friends. Instead of putting yourself out there to get hurt and frustrated, why not be a little more reserved and let the boys come to you? By making them come to you, you're increasing your chances of finding the boy who's right for you.
You're only 13 years old (don't hate me for saying "only," I mean it as a compliment!), you have your whole life to engage in this kind of drama. Although this drama may make you feel older and cooler now, you might have to deal with this frustration for 10 or 20 years (maybe more) to come, and you'll be wishing you'd just chilled out when you were 13.
It sounds like you're a really fun and unique girl. Don't waste your time worrying about boys. Do things that make you happy. In the meantime, your lack of interest in them will only frustrate them more and, in return, make them want you more. You'll be doing yourself a favor by focusing your attention somewhere else. So rock out and show them what they can't have.
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18/f
I had a boyfriend for three years, but then I was going though a lot of problems so I wanted to take a break. Throughout this whole time we still kept kissing and everything, so I really don't even know why I called it a break. Well, mostly because I was being very ill-tempered. Well, two months passed and we went on like this. Holding hands, everything.. But I still kept hurting him. We knew that we loved each other and everything though, so when I was finally done sorting out everything (Actually, the problems are all back now so it was really STUPID of me to even do the whole thing!) We went back out. Then, a week later he broke up with me and said he didn't want to be with me anymore because it wasn't the same. A week after that he has a new girlfriend and forgets about me. He said I took too long to ask him out and many other things.
So what do you think? I wanted to freaking marry the guy. Is there any chance of us going back out again? It doesn't seem like we will by the way he acts towards me and I regret being mean to him so much, but we were technically going out the whole break :( I was just being very evil at times. I hate it so bad. Please, I need help with this! And don't tell me to move on. I have tried, TRUST ME. I know this is the guy I want for the rest of my life :( I really know it, but I don't think he feels the same way about me anymore because I ruined everything. I have even cried everyday since he broke up with me :( Sometimes it gets so bad I just wish there was a time machine and I want to go back so bad I have panic attacks. And I have talked to him about ALL OF THIS, and he just says that it's okay, it doesn't matter that I hurt him because he found someone new. I just can't beleive it at all. A week ago before he was with her he told me how perfect we were. And I am pretty sure he was being genuine.. He is just trying to get rid of the pain maybe? Maybe he does like her? I don't know. Please show me a new perspective :(! and please, please think about everything I have written here. (link)
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I won't tell you to move on, but I will tell you that you will move on. I was in the exact same situation you were in. I loved this guy, but because I was miserable personally, I took it out on him. He dealt with my mental and emotional "abuse" (more like a lot of nagging and mood swings) for a while and then I got upset one night and called things off. Although I called things off, everything stayed the same as it was minus the label of "boyfriend/girlfriend."
Although we were off for a while, the whole time we were really on. For some reason, there's a certain sense of relief when you stop trying to define your relationship that allows you to just enjoy it for what it is. Eventually, things started getting better for me personally, so once again we were back on. Unfortunately, I ultimately showed signs of my old, former self and that led to him completely ditching me. He made new friends, found a new "girlfriend," and moved on completely. I, of course, was devastated.
I tried to deal with it for a while (several months), but eventually I had to seek help. I had previously been on 10mg of Prozac and ended up increasing the dosage to 20mg. That, plus allowing myself time to heal and making new friends, really helped me to move on regardless of me previously thinking I wouldn't be able to. I know you don't want to hear it because I certainly didn't, but you will move on and you will be happy again. You may need help, but time heals ALL wounds.
To tell you how bad I was back then, I begged him to take me back for just a weekend to see if it would spark something inside of him that would make him want me back. I made him my whole life (aka no other friends or hobbies) and I was desperate to have that life back. I look back on that moment now and laugh because I was pathetic and desperate back then. I've completely changed. Not only am I fine (aka very happy) without him, but I think he's a huge dork now and possibly gay!
I don't know if I've offered you any kind of new perspective, but hopefully you can see that I've been there and I really do sympathize with you. Falling in love is not just a figure of speech. When you get your heart broken, it honestly feels like you've fallen into a dark, bottomless pit and you have to find a way to get out. The way out begins by allowing yourself to be sad, giving yourself time, taking it easy, and remembering that not only do you love him, but you love yourself too.
If you need anymore advice or someone to listen, please feel free to email me. :)
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he is my exboyfriend (14) and we still like each other. A LOT. he tells everybody that he likes me but that he cant ask me out for "10,000 personal reasons" and that he doesnt need to "go through that anymore" i dont understand what he means because we had a GREAT relationship. (link)
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You didn't ask a question, but I'm going to assume that what you want advice with is why he won't go out with you. Honestly, if YOU don't know, neither will any of us. It could be any number of reasons:
1. He's gay.
2. His parents won't let him date anybody.
3. His parents don't approve of you.
4. He's lying to you and he doesn't like you at all.
5. He's not ready to date yet.
6. He doesn't feel like he's good enough for you.
7. He likes you, but he likes someone else too.
8. He's grounded.
9. He has no money.
10. He only likes you physically.
11. He has homework to do.
12. Your dog ate his homework.
13. You broke his heart the last time you dated.
Like I said, it could be any number of reasons, so my advice is to talk to him and ask him specifically why he won't go out with you again. Tell him you're confused and want a definitive answer. If he still doesn't give you one, it sounds like you're A LOT better off without him.
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16-f
my boyfriends birthday is comming up in about 2 weeks he's gonna be 17. We've been dating for 7 months and i dont have like any money so my moms gonna have to buy it and she doesnt have much either....he like gummy worms so i was thinking of getting him a big bag or sour gummy worms & maybe 2 shirts that i think he would like...does this sound like an ok gift??
any more ideas?? (link)
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First of all, I wanna say that you sound SO sweet and thoughtful. I hope your boyfriend really appreciates you. I've shown your question to a couple of my guy friends and even they said "awwwww how adorable." :) This has nothing to do with your question, but here's an extra piece of advice: don't ever lose those qualities! Kindness and thoughtfulness are qualities that are very rare in today's world. To see it shine as brightly as I (and my friends) see it shine in your question, is refreshing, inspiring, and really, really cool. Thank you for making my day brighter.
Now, moving on to the question at hand...
I would advise that you come out and ask him what he wants for his birthday. Ask him to make a small list and get him to think of a couple things he wants. You may discover that what he really wants isn't even that expensive. Even if it is, you can get him something like it instead of that specific thing. For example, if he says he wants a game that costs $59.99, maybe you can get him a similar game that costs $29.99 or maybe you can get him a gift card so he can put it towards purchasing the game that he wants. If he's a sweet person like you, he'll be thankful for whatever you give him.
As far as the sour worms go, I think it's a sweet idea. Who doesn't love candy? The only thing I'm concerned with is the fact that boys aren't as appreciative towards thoughtful gestures as us girls are, so I don't want you to get hurt if he's not as thankful for it as he should be. Still, I say go for it. Like the person who answered before me said, I'd put them in a jar or maybe a heart shaped canister or something creative and hand made. Also, you might consider making him a CD of songs the two of you like that'll make him think of you. Or maybe you could write him a sweet poem.
Just remember two things:
1. Home made gifts are a bit risky, especially when they're given to a guy, but if you give them to the right person they will always be appreciated. It's a very sweet gesture to show your love for him on his birthday, and hopefully his response makes you happy and appreciated. If it doesn't, don't let it get you down too much. Guys are "special" and don't often comprehend or acknowledge how much time and effort we put into certain things. I'm hoping, for your sake and for his, it goes really, really well.
2. Girls tend to get in the habit of getting guys what they think they want instead of just asking them what they want. That can be annoying. Right now, at 16, it's completely fine, but don't make a habit of it in the future. Girls are very specific about what they want. Boys aren't. That's why when guys get older, they always end up getting socks and ties for special occasions and we always end up getting jewelry and whatever we want. As nice a deal as that is for us, it isn't fair for the guy. So make sure he gets what he wants too.
I hope this helps. And if you need any more help or feel like telling me how the birthday goes, feel free to email me. :)
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This boy that is my friend that I dont like flirts with this girl who is my friend constantly.I dont even like him I only like him as a friend and I get jealous when he flirts with her.What does this mean and why am I doing this? (link)
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There could be a few reasons why you feel that way.
#1. Maybe you like him and you just don't know it. Sometimes when you like someone it's not obvious right away. Girls tend to take guy friends for granted, and sometimes it takes a wakeup call - like him flirting with your friend, for example, or him showing attention to someone else - for us to realize that we have feelings for them that are stronger than an ordinary friendship.
#2. Maybe you're scared that if he and your friend get together, you'll be left out. You might be afraid that the closer they get, the further apart you'll be from both of them. That is a tricky situation, and it would be perfectly normal to wonder what role you'll play in their lives once they're together. Nobody wants to be the third wheel and nobody wants to lose their friends.
#3. Maybe you're jealous because you want love too. Not necessarily his love, but a love of your own. Maybe the way he treats her or what he says to her are things you want from a guy. If this is the case, it's perfectly normal to feel jealous. Everyone wants love, and no matter how happy you are for your friends, deep down, it's difficult to be happy for them if you're feeling lonely.
#4. Maybe you're jealous because you're into her. That might sound strange, but it's certainly a possibility. Many girls discover they're bisexual or lesbian when boys come into the picture and start flirting with their friends. Before boys come along, it would be easy to confuse romantic feelings for platonic friendship. Again, sometimes it takes a wakeup call to realize your true feelings.
Hopefully these suggestions help to bring you peace.
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15/F. So, I like this one guy James*, but he keeps sending these hints that he likes my friend Jamie*. But then again, he'll flirt with me at times. So, how do I let James* know that I'm interested in him, without actually coming out and saying it? And also, do you know any ways to tell if he actually likes me or if he's just being a bit friendly? I'd really like the help. :] (link)
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I don't want to patronize you because of your age - we were all 15 once, but I wouldn't get my hopes up about any of this. I'm assuming everyone involved is around the same age as you, and this is a time in your life where crushes change from day to day. He likes you and your friend because he's a hormone driven teenage boy - that's it. Tomorrow he might like several other girls in addition to you and your friend. It's just the way things go at that age. Don't take it personally and don't let yourself get so emotionally involved.
If I were you, I would enjoy the casual flirting but I wouldn't focus my attention on him. If he really likes you and he sees you showing interest in other guys, he might get the motivation to pursue you and decide that you're the one he wants to be with. I wouldn't hold my breath though. He's very young and his body and mind aren't exactly working together as a team, if you know what I mean. He may genuinely like you, but I can guarantee you that another part of him (down south) likes any female with a pulse. So protect your heart, because boys won't.
I think you should focus more on your friendship and less on this unlikely relationship. Your friendship could potentially last a life time. Isn't that more important than some silly boy? In the end, if you still like him and want to know how he really feels, just ask him directly. Why beat around the bush or torture yourself with the guessing game? Just get it over with. I promise it won't be as bad as you're anticipating. And I guarantee you that this guy isn't worth all of this nervousness and confusion.
Just remember that you deserve the absolute best. :)
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well my exboyfriend and "babydaddy" came pick me up this past friday we were just gunna hang out have a few drinks well we ended up sleeping together and he has a gf ughhhh so heres my problem am i supposed to tell her what happened cause he is def not going too she has a right to know even if i dont like her i mean i would want someone to tell me so what should i do TELL her or NOT?? (link)
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You need to completely change your focus and focus on your baby. I don't know how old you are, but that baby of yours deserves to have an adult mother and an adult father. If you aren't legally adults yet, the least you could do is to try and act like it. In my opinion, it sounds like you're all still acting like a bunch of children. Sleeping around with exes and getting pregnant isn't cute. It's pathetic. Whether you like it or not, your child will be heavily affected by your actions and the actions of those around you.
When you had a baby, you automatically gave up the right to put yourself first. Your baby needs to come first, and regardless of whether or not you love this guy, you need to stay focused on being a mother. Stop drinking and stop hooking up with him (or anybody else). Your child deserves a mother it can respect. Learn to respect yourself and don't let a guy, who isn't worth your time, string you along like he is. He definitely has you right where he wants you and you're playing right into his plan. Be a woman and put a stop to that now.
Don't bother telling his new GF what happened between you. Write it off as a mistake, but more importantly, learn from this mistake. Let this be the last time any guy uses you for his own sexual gratification. Move on from this a little wiser and a little stronger. Don't get caught up in all the drama. You're a mother now. You're better than this. Leave these high school antics in the past and begin to work on making a future for yourself and your baby. You'll be much happier that you did and so will your child. Think ahead and be smart.
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from:lost_3v3 rytim3
do you think she likes me or cares for our friendship?
or both?
i just need another opinion before i ask.
cuz my guy friend said : yes she likes you (link)
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I'm not sure if she likes you or not. I'm not close enough to the situation to have a strong opinion to be able to say. I would imagine that she cares for your friendship at the very least, but you really need to be asking her. None of our opinions really matter. Only she has the answer you're looking for.
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me
lately right after i told you about that party i went to and met that brother of my sisters room mate you sound jealous. and you don’t know why you were but to ask you this, what is going on between us? is something on your mind? what is bothering you? i did tell you how i felt and it is not right to play with my mind. you seem like you are not respecting how i feel and i don’t like it. just tell me what is going on! its time for me to move on and now it seems like you don’t want me to and why is that? you have no idea what i am going through, if you want to know then ask!
if u does care about our friendship then please don’t ignore this.
friends share!
jane
ok well my reply is this... to me i don’t think its right to force someone into a relationship (even if you to did not talk much.) i don’t no if that’s how you saw it or not, but that is what i saw when you told me about it. and i did feel jealousy yes, i felt the same when you were going out with aaron and anthony.
i felt (for that split second) that if you did happen to get a boyfriend then we would not be as close of friends as we are now any more. i felt like i was falling behind in life. everyone seemed to be moving forward but me. and it’s not just you either.
i know you hate hearing about my family drama. but they have a part in it as well. you see my cousins are getting married... and there younger than we are!!!!! their ages range from 17 to 20. and when they talk about it i again feel stranded. it may sound stupid but that’s how i felt. i never meant for you to think i’m trying to play with your emotions.
if that’s not what you were looking for in a reply the e-mail me back ok?
talk to you later
chat room with me and jane
me: why do you think i am going to leave you behind?
jane: i don’t no really. it’s just a feeling i get some times, icy cold feeling
me: but i am not i mean i do sound like i want to move on but there were reasons why
me: but i not sure if i want to tell you why
jane: i guess i’m just afraid of what may happen when you move away
jane: we won’t get to hang out any more
me: this might shock you but i have to say this
me: okay the reason why i went out with anthony and aaron is because to get over u. i
hated myself and i wanted to die. i became depressed because of my stupid likings to you and i thought it will be the best to move away so you wont get in to my depression. i never wanted to tell you about it but i had to. i hid away from my problems and worry about everybody else but me. i don’t want to let go of you and the others and the only way to keep it strong is to always try to stay together
alee: i don’t have a choice i have to go but if i did have a choice i would stay. i don’t trust myself and i don’t care about myself. but people say you have to love yourself to have love share (something like that)
me: umm yeah that’s why sorry
jane: i guess i can sort of understand that
jane: i don’t want you 2 b depressed though
me: i can’t stop it
me: it won’t stop
jane: if you don’t mind me asking why do u like me?
jane: i’m nothing special
me: let’s see i ask myself that every day
me: the answer is i don’t know, i don’t know how it happened but it did. but i am attracted by smarts, mysterious and adventures personality and that’s what you are.
but i really can’t explain it, its hard to put into words.
me: that’s why i want to leave
jane: clear your head type of thing?
me: yeah that’s why i think
me: i got mad at you when you said you were mad when i told you about that guy i met. because i
don’t know if you liked me too and i didn’t want you to. i rather see you with someone else. but you said the reason why you got mad is because you didn’t want me to leave our friendship and focus on some guy
me: but i wont do that, hell i hardly pay attention to my last boyfriends i like to spend time with friends and family
me: r you still there? we can talk about something else if you want
jane: yea i’m getting ready 4 beds. i got work 2 marrow
me:can i ask you something?
jane:yep
me:did you wanted a boyfriend? because it souned like you did on your reply.
jane:no not really
the rest of the chat was about work, and thats was it.
(link)
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There's really not much else I can say on this topic at the moment. Things seem to be progressing (although slowly) and I think in time you'll eventually get the answers you need from her which hopefully brings you some closure. If you need advice in the future, don't hesitate to ask, but there's really nothing more I can do with this. Good luck and be patient. :)
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This is from:you know
this is the chat we had on the chat room.
ME:I got a question to ask you, what made you pissed off that night I told you that I met this guy at my sisters party?
I mean all I was saying is that me and him talked that's all. But you sounded pissed and u said you dont know u should be happy about it or pissed. What you mean?
Jane:honestly? I really dont know when you told me i just got angy for no reason.
that was it i couldnt think what else to say, so we went on chatting about whatever. (link)
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You should have pressed the issue further. You deserve more than a generic answer like that. However, like I said in my last answer to you, you may have to be the one to finish this. If all she has to offer are excuses that lead to nothing, you have to let it go.
She's obviously confused, and it's up to you if you want to be there for her as a friend, but romantically you need to move on. Your pain shouldn't live on until her confusion clears up. You'll be much happier in the long run if you let go of false hope.
Good luck. :)
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User: lost_3v rytim3
Why do I have to talk to her? I mean why can’t she step up and tell me how she feels why I have to. To tell you this I am moving next December out of state and I was not planning to have a relationship at the moment (cause I am moving) I do want to be with her but I know I am not ready for a relationship with a women. (She will be my first PLUS she is my best friend) I want to know WHO I am bt the other half want me to wait for her because I don’t want to see her with some one else. But I can’t stop that. I forgot that in the chat room she had said to me “I guess time will tell for the both of us” what does that mean?
(wait and see???)
When move I know I will miss her very much and I am trying to find her out but I can’t because SHE can’t find out what she wants.
What I think what is going on in Jane’s head is that she is surprised about my feelings to her also flattered. Curious on what it will be like going out with her best friend who is the same sex as she is. And wonders what others (friends and family) might think of it.
That’s what I think what she is thinking about.
Well I don’t know I really wish for her the best and I wish I can find out how to fix my confusing love life.
I am glad you are reading my replies and questions you’re the first person I know who gave me good advice.
And I will be glad to try to help you out if you have troubles.
Thanx again.
(link)
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Hey there. :)
In my last advice to you, I suggested that you ask her because it's you who's suffering with wanting her and uncertainty. It's you who deserves answers and a chance to pursue those feelings or to let them go. It's obvious to me that your feelings for her are strong and unending.
As someone who's familiar with the feeling of wanting someone she cannot have, I know what it's like to have more questions than answers. It isn't always easy to get the answers from the person you like, so if that's the case you have to look within and provide your own answers.
How will you handle this? How will you move on? When will you let go? When will you take back control of your life? If she can't provide the answers you need, you have to be the one to finish this. You deserve peace and a resolution to this situation once and for all.
And thank you for the offer of giving me advice. If I ever need advice, I will definitely come to you. I wish you well.
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hmm where to begin...i saw this boy at one dance that i'd never seen before. he was really cute so i just smiled at him and he smiled back. at the time i didnt really think anything of him, just another cute boy at my school. it turns at he was a year older than me so i wouldnt have any classes with him. then as the year went on i started seeing him more and more and thinking about him more and more. then at a school event we finally talked for to the first time. he kept smiling the entire time. then like 2 weeks later a friend of mine who is also a year older than me borrowed on of my soccer hoodies that had my name on it and she had a study with him. after seeing it he started asking a bunch of questions about how long we knew each other and everything. then he told her i was cutee. :) then one day i got a pass to one of my friends studies and he was in it. needless to say i went like everyday. we talked and flirted a few times. and it started getting to a point where everytime i saw him he'd say "hey, whats up" and we were getting close but now its summer i've already seen him twice and we just talked casually. im his friend on myspace, i have his s/n, and one of my friends is dating his best friend. i know he doesnt like me for a fact, but he's the type that is still going to look for better as long as hes not comitted and the girl he likes is playing him. i feel awful. so how can i get to know him better without coming on too strong and make him see that shes just messing with his head, and that i wouldnt do that? thank you very much in advance (: (link)
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Well, first of all, let me start off by saying that you have a very cute story and that you seem very lovely. He'd be lucky to have you. I can tell that you have very genuine feelings for this guy, so I'm going to be as sincere as possible. I love the hoodie part in your question because something like that sounds like fate to me.
Normally, I get people asking me questions, and I can tell that they're reading into things and being delusional. I don't get that feeling with you, and I could see myself in your position. There are far too many chance encounters in your story for all of it to add up to coincidence. So just know that I see what you see.
With that said, I think you're selling yourself a little short. Some guys take a while to realize that they truly like someone because sometimes those feelings scare them. Sometimes it's easier for them to ignore them and to pursue someone else they're attracted to but don't feel as strongly about because it's less intimidating for them.
I'm not saying that's definitely what's going on here, but it's a possibility you should consider. Also, if he doesn't like you like you said you know for a fact, you also have to take into consideration that that might change. He might think of you as just a friend right now, but that doesn't mean that's how he'll always see you.
My advice is to continue to be his friend. Maybe in the future he'll open up his eyes and see that the girl he likes isn't worth his time and that the girl who is worth his time has been by his side all along. It happens more than you think and not just in the movies. If your feelings for him are strong, being with him will be worth the wait.
Also, by remaining his friend, you'll be the one he turns to for support. You will be the one he opens up to - the one he lets inside. That's a powerful and beautiful thing. So try to be his friend and give it some time. He may reveal his feelings for you or he may develop feelings for you. Either way - wait and see what happens.
Finally, just because you like him and you wait for him doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold for him. Go out and meet other guys. He's likely to notice you more if he sees you being successful and leading a life of your own. Many boys like to chase. Maybe the reason he doesn't like you is because you've been chasing him.
Let him chase you a bit and let him miss/want you. He might be worth the wait, but so are you. Go out and live your life to the fullest. If he decides he wants to play a bigger role in your life - fantastic (and invite me to the wedding!). If he doesn't - well, you still have a great friend and a very fun life ahead of you. That's not bad at all. :)
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I'm 16, hes 18.
we're serious, as far as serious goes for couples my age.
we spend weeks together at a time.
he never lets me spend money, unless he has none at the time. and he always wants to take me places.
we used to share a lot of romantic moments together, my favorite- eating a candle lit dinner on a dock by the lake under the stars. nuclear plants at bay.
now, ive started to feel like we're more distant, even though we're spending the same amount of time together. we have no moments- the only passionate kisses from him i get, is when we're going to have sex.
he's got a very sarcastic personality- and sarcastically tells me hes going to cheat on me, or break up with me, because he knows i dont like it.
i feel like our relationship is headed a little downhill right now, i want to talk to him, but i dont know what i should say to get things across to him.
im a pushover, and nothing makes me angry. i just get depressed. (link)
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It's good that you're generally a happy person, but it's OK to get angry too. Sometimes it's good to get angry, not just because it's a sign that you're willing to stand up for yourself, but because sometimes it lets the other person know that they're going too far before they end up doing something they regret and can't undo. Your boyfriend, with his sarcastic jokes and the lack of romantic effort he's putting into your relationship, is approaching crossing the line and costing him the relationship. The problem is, if you don't communicate, how's he supposed to know?
Relationships are all about communication, and if you're unhappy but want this relationship to work, you're going to have to talk to him. Be open and honest and tell him what's making you depressed and what would make you happy. Most girls pick up on things like that, but many guys are oblivious as to what's making their significant other upset. Unless you tell him, you're not being fair to him or to yourself. So open up your mouth and start talking. Tell him exactly what you told me. You deserve to be happy and to be treated with respect. Make sure you get what you deserve.
Good luck and write back if you need more help. :)
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Alright, me and my boy have been together a year + a week or two. Like three days ago, i broke up with him. He was suppose to hangout with me, not, lets call her "tamms". Tamms is one of my bestfriends, as well as his. They didn't do anything together though. The reason was he was suppose to spend the day with me, not her. It's a stupid reason because this has happend before but this time I really got mad cause i cancelled plans for the boyfriend. I always get jealous when he talks to other girls, [we have alot of girls in our neighborhood, boyfriend lives three blocks away] I still love him, and i know he loves me. But if i cant contain my jealousy issue, i dont want to get back together with him. I've cheated on him once in the past and that was the worst mistake I ever made, but we got past that. Sorry it was long. Comments advice or opinons would be appreciated. (link)
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My comment is that you're a hypocrite. My advice is to stop being a hypocrite. What right do you have to be jealous of your boyfriend if you cheated on him? I know people make mistakes, but you continue to make them. First dishonesty, then insecurity, then you dump him? Sorry to say it, but he sounds much better off without you. I hope you take this lesson and this advice and learn something from it. Otherwise, you've wasted your time and the time of everyone around you including me.
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16/f
I have been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months today. So that makes today our "big seven month anniversary thing" lol Well, I'm here at home and he is at the lake...He swore to me that he'd be here every month on the 28th to celebrate our monthly thing. But he's not.
Today my old best friend whom I havent seen in ages wants to come over and ask me about some entertainment business stuff (we both sing) and inquire about how to get an agent and how to get his name out there. And as you have noticed, he is a guy. My boyfriend absolutely hates him...I can kind of see why, because before we became best friends, I had a little crush on him. And last summer we spent every waking moment together, he stayed over here most nights to practice duets, to learn more about vocal stuff, and to just hang out. But I dont know what to do because my boyfriend said that if he ever found out that Daniel came over to my house while we were dating he'd end it. But our relationship is strictly platonic! Throughout all those days and nights last summer, he never so much as tried to hold my hand. But he's just a really good friend and listener. I'm unsure of what to do and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....Thanks so much! (link)
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Your boyfriend needs to get a grip. Not only does he have no right to tell you who you can and can't be friends with, but he isn't even around on a day that's very important to you. Why should he be out having fun and leaving you alone when you're not even allowed to hang out with your best friend who genuinely wants to keep you company? Also, if he threatens to end your relationship, you should be a lot more angry than you come across.
Your situation doesn't sound very fair to me, and if I were you, I would unleash my assertive side and tell HIM the way things are going to be. Tell HIM if he wants to spend an 8th month being your boyfriend, he has to pay more attention to you, be less demanding, and be more understanding of your friendship. If he can't accept your best friend, how can he accept you? It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, and he needs to make some changes.
You have to stand up for yourself, especially in relationships. Don't lose yourself in him or in love. Be strong and do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone, especially a boy, dictate what that is. I'm really sorry you're alone on your anniversary. At least you're starting to see the kind of person he is on your 7 month anniversary and not your 7 year anniversary. Tonight, instead of celebrating your relationship, celebrate yourself.
You deserve it. :)
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