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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Hi i am 15 and i met this guy online.
I was bored do i signed up on a social site . When i met him he said he thought i was nice and stuff. Btw he was 22 and i was 14 then. He said that it was sad that our age diff. Was so bad and that although we clearly liked each other he was afraid if he do sonething i dont like i would report him. But then he began trusting me and we dated for 2mths then he broke up with me saying that i am too young for this relationship and that i should get someone my age.i really dont know what happened to my feelings that day but i cried the entire day. After about 8mths we began talking again and dating. Only thing now is my parents know about him. I told him that they knew and he said if our relationship was getting me into trouble i should end it and wait til i am older but i cant. I told him how i felt about him and he said that sadly he didnt love me.he just liked me a lot and he cant promise we will be together in real life.i am so messed up right now and i am hoping he will love me since at first he didnt trust me and now he does. Please give me some advise...and dont say forget about him coz i cant .we tried being friends but we like each too much
If you real and truly love this person you will walk away from this relationship. You say your parents know about him and you hint that you could be in trouble for it. Fact is if you do not walk away if it continues you parents will see it not as you continuing the relationship but him doings so. I am a parent and I am old enough to be your grandfather. This is what I would think if I you were my daughter and I told you not to be involved with him in any manner any longer. Then I find the relationship is continuing.
This relationship is illegal in all states and most western countries. You are under the age of consent and you are not an adult. There is a 7 year age difference between you. This is grounds for him being arrested under the law of statutory rape. There does not have to be any sex involved. If you two have met in person and dated as you have said. The standards under the law have been met for his arrest. As your parent I would file charges against him.
Even if you do not give him up he should be old enough and mature enough to understand the position he is in by taking you on a date. With your parents permission you can be friends, pen pals if you like but you cannot meet alone in any form of a date or be in any form of a lover/loving relationship as it is a danger to him under the law.
Depending on the laws in your state you too could be in trouble with the law for seeing this man. So like it or not in the best interest of you and this man the best advice is to not see him, not communicate with him in any manner for at least the next three years unless you can get your parents permission.
Hi,
I'm a 25 year old Female, who is having difficulties with my boyfriend. We haven't had an easy start to our relationship, and it's not good now as well. I met my boyfriend, who's 27, at my work. We flirted for about a year (I moved away and came back during that time period) and after a year I wanted something more serious. I told him I wanted to be with him and date, he said he just wanted to take it slow and see where it went. Meanwhile I overheard he was flirting with other girls at work as well. So, I didn't put much investment into him seeing that he wasn't ready. I met someone who did try to court me, and made me feel like he genuinely wanted to be with me. When my now boyfriend saw that, he then decided that he wanted to be with me. I stopped seeing the other fellow and dating my current boyfriend. If I told you all the ups and downs of our relationship I would be here all night. The gist of it is that, I haven't felt like he has ever put in that effort to date me, to make me feel special. I mean yes, he takes me to movies and dinners which is wonderful. But he doesn't put effort into making our relationship original or special. He is on his phone or iPad all the time when we are together. I feel incredibly bored, and I make a point to not be on my phone... But it comes to a point where I am so bored with the non communication that I give in. Recently I got a job in another city, I asked him to come with me. He was unsure about going for 6 months... As I looked for jobs, found apartments, planned the move. He was uninvolved for the process. And even to this day he had told me that he was unsure about moving until the day of... After we had signed the lease, and packed things up! So we have been here two months, and everything has gone wrong. I hate my job, I don't like the city we are in, and our relationship is as bad as ever. He said a week ago that he "made up his mind that he wants to be with me" and is trying. I guess he is but is buying flowers and trying to cuddle with me really trying. Sadly I feel like it is too late. I just feel exhausted with everything, especially our relationship. I feel numb. I told him that I don't think I feel romantically attached to him and that I don't think we should live together. He flips out on me and saying how I'm bailing (I guess I am in a sense) on him, and how he moved here for me. We've had these discussions for weeks now. He has a drinking issue, and tonight he came home drunk and proceeded to tell me how selfish I am and how I'm a "fucking bitch". Am I being a "selfish bitch" ? Should I put more effort in it, or when do you throw in the towel?
I cannot make a judgment based on what you have written. Especially given the fact that you hate your job. No relationship even a marriage can suffer if one party is totally wiped out after working at a job they hate.
Therefore my first suggestion is that as soon as the New Year starts you make a serious effort to find new employment. Even if this relationship doesn't workout you will have trouble in any relationship if you cannot rectify the problem at work or find a new job, one you are happier with.
If you hate your job and it is causing you anger, stress and yes physical pain such as headaches. Then it is very possible you are also suffering a mild form of depression. No you probably do not need to see a doctor for this unless there are other symptoms such as trouble sleeping, mood swings, loss of appetite and others. Then yes you might want to ask your family doctor to screen you for depression. It is normal for any of us to suffer from mild forms of depression when we are under a great deal of stress for any period of time. When the stress is removed the depression goes with it.
My next piece of advice for I do think that given the circumstances that a mild form of depression may be possible. Is that you sit down and talk with your boyfriend and call a truce bit. Put the world on hold. One of the bad things about depression is it is like putting on a pair of glasses that distort images. Nothing you see or hear is actually as it may really be. The depression how ever slight is distorting your persecution. Since perception is real whatever is happening you see it as real.
Once you fix the problem with work things will change and you will see things differently. IF you feel now that I have explained things that depression may be causing you more trouble then I see in what you have written. Then see your family doctor and ask to be screened for depression.
The screening is painless and is simply a matter of the doctor asking you a list of questions from which the doctor can make a diagnoses. If you do score a diagnoses of depression it does not mean antipsychotic medications are in order. IT may mean a mild tranquilizer is in order to help you deal with the stress. Your doctor will make the determination of what medication may be best when the physical that goes along with the screening is complete. The physical is done to rule out any organic reason for the way you feel.
No I do not think you are being a Bitch, you may be being a bit bitchy, there is a difference. If you are you have good reason for it none of which is either of your faults but may be more of an environmental problem stemming from your job.
I have given you a lot to think about. Hopefully you will be able to communicate with him. If need be you can have him write me a private message and I will try to inform him of what I have told you.
Start preparing for a job search and try to have a Happy Holiday.
Hello advicenators,
My uncle said some nasty stuff about my grandfather, what filters should I pass this stuff before I tell my grandfather about it. I have heard about 3 filters ,is it truthful ,is it good, is it useful? I dont know if its truthful, good or bad dont know either, useful, probably?
Should i tell my family and my grandfather about what my uncle said?
Thanks
Kind Regards
568129
As Razhie has said, unless the information you have in some way endangers your grandfathers health or safety my advice is to forget what your Uncle has said. If your Uncle is his brother or brother in-law your grandfather is most likely already well aware of what your Uncle is saying about him.
I cannot explain why your Uncle may have said whatever it is he has told you. If it is derogatory in nature I can only assume there is some form of hard feeling between the two.
If you find whatever was said to you truly worrisome to you then go to either mom or dad, whoever is your grandfathers child, and ask them why your Uncle would tell you this. I'm sure your father or mother will put your concerns at ease as well as tell you why your Uncle may have said what he said and if it was true or not.
This is all the filter you need and only to put your mind at rest. If your Uncle has told you something that mom or dad is unaware of then let them decide if they feel their father needs to know this information and let them inform their father.
Hey to the person reading this, I have a problem I don't know which laptop to pick.im starting my freshman year in college study physical therapy this spring. I know I will have to take alot of boys and I wanna be well prepared for it. I want to spend within the range of 500-800 for a laptop kinda on the light side. I kinda want a suface pro3 with the detachable keyboard and stylus pen..but it's pricey and I wanted I laptop with a built in cd burner. Any help or advice on this Matter will be well appreciated. Thanks in advance!
To be honest the best of anything you need is the one you can best afford. If you cannot afford the Surface Pro 3 then lower your sights to something you can afford that will allow you to have the most of what you actually will need.
The CD burner is an expensive option. You might settle for a thumb drive and then go to say a FedEx store and use one of their computers or the College Library to burn a disc when you need to.
I would suggest you see if you qualify for any student loans and any Grants such as Pell grants. In your student loans you can add in the cost of books, tuition and the cost of the laptop you want. See the financial aid counselor at your college for help with this.
I'm somewhat partial to Dell products. I have never had a problem that wasn't caused by me and then it was always repaired under the extended warranty I purchase with the computer. When the warranty runs out I buy a new one as the one I have is usually obsolete by that time.
Dell also has a student purchase program. Go to http://www.dell.com/us/p/deals?dlpgid=popular-laptop-deals&dgc=IR&cid=245874&lid=4236592 for more information.
Me and my husband weren't planning on having children, and this one just popped in on us even though we were using different types of contraceptives and he would pull out so we would be twice as safe.
We both live with his 3 sisters and his mother in a large city. Only two of his sisters have min.wage jobs, and I help out with almost all of my financial aid I get for going to school. He doesn't have a job and hasn't since he got laid off last year.
Having a baby right now would more than likely keep me from going to school, and I wanted to get the abortion pill,but all of my tests kept coming back negative for three months (tried 4 different times). Now he wants to keep it, and I do not seeing as we really can't afford it and his family drives me crazy most of the time.
I don't know what to do!
First I a bit confused. You say you are pregnant but you also say tests keep coming back negative 4 times. If the home pregnancy test are negative, four times it is fairly accurate that you are not pregnant.
The one thing you did not state is how long between tests you waited. If there is 10 days between any of the tests then the chances of you being pregnant are virtually zero. If you have not had your period there is another reason other than being pregnant for missing your period. I would suggest you make an appointment with your GYN and have a medical test for pregnancy just to settle the question once and for all in your mind and to find out why you have missed your period(s).
Second, the Plan B pill if that is what you are thinking only works best within 48 hours of intercourse but has been known to work for up to 7 days. If you have reason to believe you are pregnant you should be long past this time.
Third and most important. It is your body and yours alone. Even though you are married YOU get to make the decisions as to what YOU do with your body. If and that is a big if you find you are pregnant and less than 27 weeks pregnant, you can seek an abortion. You do not need your husbands permission to do so.
For what it is worth I agree with you now is not the time to bring a child into your world. Your husband is not working. You are in school and financially help to support you mother in-law and her two daughters. Now more than anytime in our history it is important to have a solid educational background to bring to the employment table. A college degree not only means a higher income, it opens the door to employment as a whole. With just a high school diploma more and more people with just this form of education are finding themselves barely getting by holding down two or more minimum wage jobs.
My advice is first: See a Gynecologist and make sure you are pregnant before you make any other decisions regarding an abortion as you probably do not need one. If by chance I am wrong, and I am 99% sure based on what you have written I am not, then if you are comfortable with having an abortion do so. You do not need your husbands permission.
Second: Kick your husband in his backside and tell him to find a job. There are jobs out there to be had. They may not be in his career field and they may be minimum wage or at wages less than he was making. After being out of work this long it is going to be harder and harder to find a job as long as he remains out of work. It is a lot easier to find a job if you are employed.
Third: As soon as you can I advise you to move out of his mothers home and start your own lives as a couple. This is important for the long term survivability of your marriage. You do not need the extra baggage of supporting his family as well as your own. This does not mean you move out and leave them high and dry. You give them plenty of notice that it is your intention to move out and live on your own. This will mean you will not have the money to support them as you have. They will have to make adjustments in their lives. In this way should you have an unexpected pregnancy in the future you will not have to make any choices about whether or not to terminate the pregnancy.
I don't think so u gave me the right answer was it comfortable to you to understand my question. By the way I don't know how to ask a question regarding sexual health problems. Thanks for helping me/giving advice to me. Bye.
There are few questions any of us would find uncomfortable answering. If there ever is a question we are uncomfortable with we would just not answer it.
IF you do wish to ask more question I would hope you would work on your English grammar. That was the biggest problem I had with your question, understanding exactly what your question was. Take your time, think your question through and then type in your question. Take all the space you need and then make sure we can understand what you are asking. Also spell out all the words do not use twitter shorthand.
I keep hearing from so many people that something should be done about the way prisoners are treated. That they get raped, beat up, treated badly by guard, self harm etc. My question is who cares? These people committed crimes. If they didn't want to go to prison. they shouldn't have committed crimes in the first place. Prison should be a bad place, so they don't want to go back. I don't know why so many people try to make us feel bad for them. I bet if one fo those criminals committed a crime against their family they would feel different
You ask a good question; why should we worry about how prisoners are treated?
Let me ask you a question. It is not all that hard to be sent to prison. You don't have to be a bank robber, murderer or rapist. Someone you love could end up in jail or prison for say driving drunk or embezzlement. Maybe they are an unwitting player in a scheme their employer hatched like the Enron Corporation. A lot of little people were caught up in that one.
Would you feel differently about how people in prison are treated if the person in prison were someone you know? If the answer is yes and understandably it would be. Why should it be any different for those you don't know? We are all human even criminals.
In jail or prison being raped, beat up, treated badly by guards, self harm or any other harmful act is a form of torture as the prisoner cannot defend themselves.
Again I ask you, if a member of your family was sent to prison say for a white collar non violent crime; would you care if they were subject to living under the conditions you wrote? IF the answer is yes then you have your answer as to why you should care.
when wet will come in armpit and near pennis. after some days when I look to it that place will become dark and brownish black. why is it so whether it is doing of shaving armpit and down. advice me what have to do. thank you for helping me in before question.
Judging from your writing I have to believe English is not your first language and I am having a bit of trouble understanding your question.
If your asking when you perspire under your armpits and around your genital area? We all have the ability to sweat at all ages, This is how the body self cools. Sweeting under the armpits and in the groin are usually starts with puberty. By the way most men. Western men do not shave that area or their armpits. Shaving armpits and the genital area is usually only done by women.
As to why those areas become brownish black I have no answer. If this is a concern of your I suggest you see a doctor and ask the doctor if this is normal.
Hi there. I'm a 21 year old male. When I was younger in my middle teens, I always had a problem were when I would ejaculate not all of the sperm would come out some would get stuck somewhere in my urethra and I could either push along it with my hand and push chunks out or if I had to urinate I would and the chunks would come out with the urine and I would be OK. If I didn't get the pieces out it would cause a bad burning/stinging feeling in my urethra/penis for a decent amount of time kind of just like the same burn/sting of the feeling if you cut your circulation off to your finger. As I have gotten older now 21 it seems like the problem isn't there as bad I mean when I ejaculate some pieces still get stuck in it and I can push or pee them out but it doesn't burn like it used to. So what I'm asking is why is all my sperm not coming out freely and what causes the pain in it when it gets stuck inside? I read something about maybe having a narrow or small urethra and the acid in the sperm stuck in the urethra causing the burning? Please help! Thanks
I'm not a doctor none of us are. I cannot explain why this happens only that it happened to me when I was younger and I would urinate and it flushed whatever sperm was still in the urethra. It is not really the sperm that is left behind it is the fluid that transmits the sperm from your scrotum up and out your penis that coagulates in the urethra. I assume that this is the very last amount that we just do not have the orgasmic power left to pump out.
If you are having trouble flushing your urethra after ejaculation I would suggest seeing a doctor. You can see your family doctor or a specialist called a Urologist who specializes in the treatment of the Urinary tract.
Since you may find the examination a bit embarrassing, you shouldn't but if you do, I would suggest going straight to the Urologist. Make sure you see a Board Certified Urologist as Board Certified Doctors have had specific training to practice in the area they are specializing in. Many states allow a doctor to specialize in any area they served a rotation in during their training. A Board Certified doctor is better trained then a non Board Certified Doctor.
If you need help in finding a doctor call your local hospitals doctor referral line. They will give you the names of doctors affiliated with the hospital. You can then look them up online to see where they trained and if they are Board Certified.
My last period was November 8th - November 12th. I had unprotected sex/"pull out method" on 3 of my most fertile days. About 2 weeks ago I started feeling really nauseous and dizzy. A friend convinced me to take a pregnancy test & it came out negative. I still felt a little sick so I took another test a week ago and it came out negative again. Since then I've been bloated, I've been having to pee so much more (my liquid intake hasn't increased) I've been having slight cramps and headaches, I've been getting EASILY irritated, my nipples have been really sensitive, just a couple of days ago my boobs were so sore that I had to sleep on my back. A few days ago when I wiped there was only one spot of blood when I wiped & sorry for the tmi by lately I've been getting a lot more wetter to the point that my boyfriend even made a comment about it. My period was supposed to be due today and I usually get it in the mornings or the night before and I still haven't had any bleeding at all. My main question is is it possible that I just tested too early? When should I test again? Does anyone who was/is pregnant had any similar experiences?
I don't think you are pregnant. If your period was on 11/8 and you had sex on 11/12 you were still if like most women, in you non fertile period. For 85% of women the ovulate between the 7th and 21st day of their cycle. This means you would have been safe up to the 15th of the month and then in the very beginning of your fertile period.
Two negative home test generally mean you are not pregnant. The second test being more conclusive than the first. The symptoms you are feeling are either caused by something else or, and I will go out on a limb here, are psychosomatic because you think you are pregnant. You period is late because you are stressed out over the possibility of being pregnant. Stress more than pregnancy is the biggest cause for women to miss their periods.
You had some blood when you wiped a few days ago. I would say if you can relax and stop worrying about being pregnant your period will start in a few days. To negative pregnancy tests are pretty conclusive that you are not pregnant.
Imagine that you went to your daughter and son in law's new house for Thanksgiving ten days ago. There were some other relatives there, so there weren't enough bedrooms for everyone and your youngest daughter had to sleep on a matress in what they call the media room.
Saturday night, you and your daughters stayed up late in the media room talking. Your oldest was sitting on the far side of the couch drinking wine and somewhat intoxicated.
Sunday morning, you and your family were preparing to make the long, painful, nine hour drive home. Then you and your oldest daughter discover this series of stains on the wall of the media room above the matress that your youngest daughter slept on.
You both assumed that your youngest daughter did it, but she insisted that she didn't and you believed her because you noticed that the purple stains looked a lot like the red wine your oldest daughter was drinking the previous night. Given where she was sitting and the way she was swinging the drink around, it was obvious that she splattered the wine on the wall.
You tried to help by cleaning it up, but the cheap paint started coming off of the wall with nothing but a slightly wet rag. It would have come off no matter who tried to clean it off. You son in law, though, insists that the entire wall and perhaps even the whole room will have to be repainted.
Your daughter and son in law were acting mad at you for it, so you offered to pay to have the wall repainted. You apologize to your daughter and son in law, but both of them (especially your son in law) wouldn't forgive you and gave you the cold shoulder. They also acted mad at your youngest daughter who has done nothing wrong and is being blamed for something her older sister did.
You're getting really feel it with it and have discovered that there's no reason to pay for the wall. Your youngest daughter did not create the stains and you may have taken the paint off the wall, but if you didn't, your oldest daughter would have. Offering to pay for the wall didn't make them forgive you and sure, you said you'd pay for it, but your oldest daughter and son in law never, and I mean NEVER do anything they say they're going to do.
So, would you pay for the wall?
We are probably about the same age so I believe I know how you feel. We are about to experience the same thing at Christmas at my sons new home with the entire family being there and the possibility of what you experienced could happen to us.
My knee jerk reaction to what you have written is to say if it is affordable either send them a check or go to Home Depot or Lowes, whichever is near their home, and get a gift card in the value of a gallon of paint and the cost of a roller and roller pan plus a plastic drop cloth. I'm sure your son in-law is capable of painting a wall or a room. It does not take a professional painter to paint a wall.
When my wife and I moved into our first home my sister brought a Jell-O mold over for Thanksgiving dine and promptly dropped it on our brand new Beige carpeting. Try as we might we were unable to get the stain out. Fortunately it was in a spot where we could just put a potted plant over it until we moved out. It was out of sight and out of mind. The new owners never saw the stain as they put new carpeting in before they moved in. Your Daughter and son in-law can hang a picture over the spot until they repaint the wall.
Paying for the paint and having your son in-law paint the wall should hopefully keep peace in the family. I would not pay for a professional painter as it should not take more than two hours to paint the room and a professional would want $300 to $500 to do the work. No reason to spend that kind of money when you are not even sure who is at fault.
I'm 22/f and I started this "relationship" with this guy I've known for over a year. It's basically FWB in a nutshell. Now we tried this before but he accused me of catching feelings and he refused to talk to me for months. He came crawling back not even a month ago and we started again. Ok, so at first he had all these rules about how Im not allowed to catch feelings this time and at first I didn't. We did what we did and that was that. Then he started telling me I could stay after we'd have sex and we would stay up all night and talk and laugh. And then when we did go to sleep he'd hold me or pull me up to his back and I'd just go with it because why not? Still he would be adamant on how I was nothing more than a fuck buddy. Now his ex started coming back into the picture, and he says hes still partly in love with her and I thought everything was over. But he still invited me out, hell we even got busy before he was going to see her. The thing that threw me the most was, when he was saying bye to me and going to her he kisses me goodbye. This guy is so full of mixed signals and crazy rules, but just now he even made it clear if I catch feelings for him, it's all over. It's like he's allowed to make me feel, but I'm not allowed to feel it and it's frustrating. I know i sound pathetic i already know. I just want to know what to do, I think I'm in love with him, but I'm not allowed to be.
I'm going to try to pick up where Dragonflymagic left off. I sometimes like to talk or explain in clichés this is probably one of those times. There is an old saying about buying the cow if the milk is free. That saying fits this situation as much as what Dragonfly said about you possibly not fitting his idea of an ideal woman.
The problem with being a fuck buddy or FWB is one of you is getting the milk without buying the cow. One of you is not interested in a long term relationship and in your case your buddy has laid it on the line. His only interest in you is a relief vessel for his sexual needs if he can't get relief anywhere else. You on the other hand are hoping that the sex will be so good he will change his mind and fall in love with you as you have with him. This is not working out. Have I clarified the picture in fairly straight talk?
He has been fairly straight with you and I really do not see any true mixed signals. The cuddling, the spending the night have all been with the same message as in the beginning. From what you have written he has stayed fairly close to his original deal with you.
Before you fall hopelessly in love with him, for which I do not see him reciprocating my suggestion is you terminate your FWB agreement. When he asks why tell him. "I am starting to have feelings for you and I don't wish to be hurt again like last time so we cannot continue to be fuck buddies or anything else unless there is a true relationship between us."
Now the ball is in his court. If he has any feelings for you at all other than a safety net for his sexual urges it is his time to speak up. Otherwise the bedroom door and your legs are permanently closed to him. I may have said this a bit harsh but I could not say it any plainer and so should you so there is no mistaking you meaning.
I've been doing this a long time. I can tell a lot about a person from the way they write and what they write. You write very well. You deserve better than him. You deserve more than friends with benefits. You deserve someone who will love you and cherish the intimacy you share with him.
If you find yourself settling for FWB's more than for a good strong relationship, then you may have a self-image problem. If so that is something you might want to talk to a therapist to get over and put behind you. You deserve better, don't settle, chose what is right and best. Make a man want you for who you are not for what you can give him.
20/F
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship together for about three months now. I live in the US and he's in Europe, but surprisingly it isn't the distance that has been making me question things.
I do love him, and we generally get along great. He came over to visit me and we clicked as well in person as we did over Skype, so that was absolutely amazing. Even though he's five years older than I am, there's never really much of a disconnect. I'm in my second year of college and he's in his first year pursuing a second degree, so we have pretty much the same daily concerns of university and work.
The problem is, lately we've been disagreeing on things that are pretty hurtful to me. His first degree was an English degree and he's all the time saying he wishes he had gotten something else because it's such a useless degree, which kind of stings because I'm a Creative Writing major. He always backtracks to say I'm actually learning a skill (writing) whereas he just got a general degree, but it doesn't hurt any less.
The second is social media. As previously stated, I'm a Creative Writing major, but I'm also minoring in Online Journalism. Online journalism works a lot with using social media and media in general to further articles online. I used to work as Editor-in-Chief for a site, I freelance, and am planning to continue to freelance after college as additional income, so this is pretty important to me. Not to mention I do a lot of networking on social media to meet other EiC's, writers, journalists in order to increase my contacts (which really helps with getting jobs). So pretty major thing in my life, but he just keeps calling it a useless sub-culture that's vapid and uses followers to make themselves feel popular. Which I get that some people do use it for that, but that's not all it is anymore and it's a big part of my degree, the career I'm working for, and my life.
The final major issue is friends and family. I grew up in a culture that put a lot of emphasis on the value of your relationships. My friends and my family mean a great deal to me, and I do value them over a lot of other things in my life. If I lost everything, but I still had my family and friends, I know I would eventually be okay and get back on my feet. My boyfriend and I talked about this tonight and he basically said that the Dutch are taught to be independent and that if his parents died tonight he wouldn't really care (which he's on good terms with them, so that's weird). I told him that it's really important to me to be in his life and that we've been dating a while and I've never even seen one of his friends. He made it very clear to me that he only has time for school and work, and when I asked him where does that leave me, he said he'll make time for me, but that's not really encouraging. I mean, if he could hardly care about his parents potentially dying, that doesn't bode well for actually wanting to take care of a girlfriend.
I guess, I really don't know what to do. All those things he's been saying are very hurtful to me because they all play a big part in my life and in my future. I really do love my boyfriend, and I want to be together, but I'm not sure if it's possible to be together and be happy when it seems he's always putting down things that are really important to me. Talking never works, he listens to me and then doesn't do anything to fix the issue. I've been trying to think of something, anything, that would help out in this situation, but I'm honestly at a loss.
Any advice?
As an outsider looking in, what I see is not so much the problem of a long distance relationship. Though this problem will always be in the shadows until you two can at least be on the same continent. The primary problem in a long distance relationship is the lack of intimacy which cannot be had over Skype and I'm not just talking of sexual intimacy.
What I see as a problem you are seeing is one of cultural differences. Whenever people from two different countries get together there will be some cultural differences. Even when and American and Canadian get together as close as the two countries are there are some cultural differences. Same as with a person for Britain given as close as we are with the British.
Here you have you and American and him a Dutchman the cultural difference is huge. From what you have written he appears to be very opinionated then backs up and tries to soften what he says so it does not appear to be directed at you or your career. Don't get me wrong we Americans can be very opinionated too.
What I see is his attempt to discourage rather than encourage you in your life goals. This is not a recipe for a successful romance. I can only guess at why he is doing so. What I can say with a fair amount of accuracy though is online long distance romances are successful in less than 5% of the time and probably a lot closer to 1% or 2% of the time.
While it is not my place to tell you it is time to turn and run. I will tell you that with intersession coming this is a good time to take stock of your situation and evaluate with all honesty what you think will become of this relationship. Then take the appropriate action.
How do I get over the anxiety of thinking always thinking I'm going to get pregnant after I have sex? I'm not on the pill but he wears a condom every time. I'm twenty and I know it sounds silly but there's always that chance. I just want to know how I can get over this and actually enjoy it all.
You have every right to be anxious as the condom used for birth control is only 85% effective when worn correctly. The condom used with another form of birth control such as the pill is almost 100% effective.
The condom is also very effective in preventing the transfer of the HIV/Aids virus as well as many of the STDS. This is why it is promoted as the only way to have safe sex.
There are other female birth control options other than a hysterectomy that are just as effective as the pill. You should discuss these option with your gynecologist to see which is right for you.
Sex between to consenting adults should not cause you anxiety. It should be as much pleasure for you as it is for your partner. I would say if you're having sex just to provide your partner with sexual pleasure you are not only missing out on the fun and intimacy it provides. You are having sex for all the wrong reasons.
The pill has several unpleasant side effect and I can understand your reluctance to go on the pill. There is also the IUD and several different types of implants that do not have the side effects of the Pill. The IUD has the least side effect and you do not have to have had a child to have one. My wife had an IUD before we had our first Child.
I think that I'm insecure , im a sophomore and I'm 14. I have a good amount of friends but I'm terribly shy and I only can be myself around my closest friends. I think when people try and talk to me or be friendly, I get an attitude and I push them away, idk why I do that . It's just a natural reaction . I want to make more friends with like the 11th graders , I want to be more friendly and just be able to just talk to people and be mire friendly. I'm scared to do something because I always think about what people would think of it in their eyes .
First It is my opinion that how you feel at this time is fairly normal for a 14 year old; especially a 14 year old female. This is a time of transition for you. You have gone from the relative security of middle school to high school. Also you are going through puberty; your body is changing and boys are starting go from being icky to obnoxious and cute.
When I was your age I was shy and introverted. As an adult I have made my living in Sales. Now how does a shy introverted person make a success in Sales if he is scared to death to walk up to people and talk to them?
The answer is somewhat simple and complex. I found out that living inside all of us are both an introvert and extravert. Some of us allow the one or the other to come through more easily. For those that seem more extraverted they push aside the fear and introverted side of themselves to allow themselves the fun of the extraverted side to come through. I know there is a lot of psychology in what I have just written, though it is true.
What you have to do is force yourself to be more extraverted. There are a few ways to do this. You push people away because you don't know what to say to them. So start by just listening for a while. Walk up to a crowd where a friend or two might be and just listen, if you have something you can add to the conversation that you are comfortable wand knowledgeable in then do so.
Another way is to put together a list, actually write them down, of activities you like to do and are good at. Then number them from the one you like the most to the one you most like the least. Now look for clubs and activities for these things. Go to these clubs and or activities and see if you might want to join them. By having an interest and knowledge of the activity the scary feeling of meeting someone new is taken away as you are in a comfort zone so to speak. You can allow the extravert in you to come out. Once it is out it will be hard for the introverted you to come back out. It will but only when you need it for protection and then the extravert will reappear.
I know this looks like a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo but it works you will have to take my word for it. I have made a good living in sales and today I can walk up to total strangers and start a conversation by saying something as simple as, "wow I sure hope it doesn't snow." You would be surprise where something as simple as that can go if you want it too.
So, I'm getting divorced. There were a ton of problems that I won't go into. But my soon-to-be-ex is holding onto some things that have me worried. First, I have bipolar disorder. During manic episodes, I had conversations with other men about things we should not talk about, ever. Things like bestiality and worse. These were the fantasies of these men. I wanted positive attention (which I seldom got from husband) and they wanted to feel safe talking about these things. Husband spied on my facebook and emails and saved these conversations. He said he'll delete them when the divorce is final. I was promised a couple very specific things in the divorce. He has since changed what he will agree to, taking away about $200 of my promised alimony and an important holiday. I'm afraid to say no to him when he does this. He has threatened to destroy my career as a teacher and I believe he can. He has also said I could probably go to jail.
Anyway, what I want to know is if I can be punished as such for conversations where no actions happened and how I can protect myself. I want to get a lawyer and get what I was promised, but I'm too afraid.
FIRST: and most importantly you need to have your own lawyer. Most divorce lawyers will work on what is called contingency. This is a percentage of what they recover for you. It is very important that you have your own lawyer for your husband is trying to BLACKMAIL you. If anyone is going to go to jail it is him. Black mail is illegal and a felony.
SECOND: I will assume your bipolar disorder is well documented and you are compliant with your medications. Your illness being well documented cannot be used against you in the divorce. Your husband can also be sued if he causes you to be fired if he takes this information to the school system. It is called restraint of trade. Instead of decreasing your alimony he would be forced to increase it for the loss of income until such time as your income is fully replaced to the level it should be at. Of course this is also based on the laws of the stat you live in.
I would say your husband is not doing this with the permission of his lawyer or you could sue his lawyer as well. He is doing this to cause you to accept whatever it is he is offering.
If you do not have a lawyer tell him you will answer him in time once you seek advice of counsel. Tell him if he takes any action he is threatening to do you will file a criminal complaint for Blackmail and a civil complaint for restraint of trade and defamation. That should cool his jets long enough for you to fine a divorce lawyer. Do not call your husband only respond as I have said if he calls you.
Once you have a lawyer your only response to your husband when he contacts you is, "I have been instructed by counsel not to speak to you." "If you have anything to say to me please contact my Attorney and disconnect from the call. Better yet with caller ID you should know it is him calling just don't answer or just block his calls altogether.
Most important here is your husband is trying to BALCKMAIL you to accept a settlement that is not fair. Do not do so, if you do not have a lawyer get one. If you have a lawyer stop talking to your husband and tell your lawyer what he is saying to you. Let the lawyer handle this. Tell the lawyer that you want Blackmail charges brought against your ex.
I had sex just before diwali in october but after that i was having a period on 29 oct. My next period date was on 29 nov but till now means now it is 5 dec i have missed my periods..i have taken pregnancy test but i was negative....what is the reason that i have missed my periods???whether i am pregnant???
I am from india....and my age is 20....
You had a period after having sex and you have taken a home pregnancy test that says you are not pregnant. Then you are not pregnant.
If you have a period after sex you cannot be pregnant as you womb has been cleansed of everything that may have been in there and is preparing for the next ovulation cycle when you can get pregnant.
Tension brought on by stress thinking you may be pregnant or work related stress is the biggest reason why women miss a period. Other factors could be an illness even something as minor as a cold. Medications such as over the counter cold remedies and antibiotics prescribed by doctors can disrupt your cycle as well.
IF you miss more than one period then you need to see your GYN. Otherwise based on what you have written I 99.99% sure you are not pregnant. If you wish to make really sure take another home pregnancy test to verify the results of the first test.
as a teen pre diabetic it can be hard . i wanna know how to lay off the sugar because i love sugar. my mom always get on my nevers about.me eating junk for but it what i do. on my way to.school id buy a soda and some chip and a cupcake other times i might just. get a candy. since i got a job and don't eat lunch at school i regularly buy pizza maybe 2-3 times in a week outta five days i work.
my other questions is what can i do about my bladder?
since being a.pre diabetic i go to the bathroom more.often then usually. even when i.dehydrate my self i still have to pee . i miss going to Manhattan in nyc but when i take the train to school which is 5 stops away from my home.i gotta pee when i get to the third stop. i want my bladder to be normal again help me please
When the doctors I know use the term "Pre Diabetic" they are usually also talking about someone that is overweight as the two generally go hand in hand.
Will power and dieting is what you need. On the way to school do not buy a soda and some chip and a cupcake other a candy. These things are causing you to gain weight, having a high blood sugar reason and feeling lethargic in school. At lunch time forget about the pizza. Eat the lunches the school prepares. They are well balanced meals and way better for you then several slices of pizza each day.
Get up earlier and eat breakfast at home. The fact that you have a school lunch program says you have a nutritionist somewhere in the school system. As to meet with this person and ask for help in proper meal planning to control your blood sugar and to bring down your weight. If you get your weight under control, control the amount or eliminate the junk food from your diet you will eliminate the blood sugar problem/
I'm not saying you cannot snack between meals. We all like to snack from time to time. There are much healthier snacks you can eat that will satisfy the between meal cravings. Eat an Apple, Carrot stick, Celery Stalk or a hand full of unsalted Peanuts. Gram Crackers make a good snack and they are low in calories and sugar.
Exercise more will also help. On nice morning or afternoons get off the subway a stop earlier and walk to school or home. Walking is an excellent exercise that anyone can do.
As for the urination problem; I would think that would clear on its own as you get your blood sugar under control. Until you do there may be some help with medicine your doctor can offer. Talk with your doctor about the problem and see what can be done to help you.
hi, i'm 19 years old and over the summer i received 1 souring of juvederm injected into my upper lip because i don't really have one. i know i'm young, but the dr sold me on it and now that its been 5 months later, i've read more about it than i ever have and i totally regret putting an unapproved FDA toxic substance into my body! i read horrific stories about women getting poisoned in their brain cells due to the toxic substance traveling from the location of the injection. I am a hypochondriac and after reading how many deaths are caused by facial juvederm injections around the brows/ in wrinkles etc i was wondering if the same applies for the lips.. all of the deadly stories i've read were all middle aged women who used it to get rid of wrinkles. lips are on the face so i'm assuming lip injections puts you at just as much risk as the other uses.. i am freaking out and convincing myself I'm going to die. someone help me with my anxiety. i've been okay for the past 5 months.. if anything was going to happen would i have shown symptoms by now? someone calm me! there is a toxic unapproved substance in my body and i am SO scared!!!!! i was so naive..
Here are the side effects of Juvederm as shown on Cosmetics.com. Juvederm is FDA approved and recommended it be used by Board Certified Plastic Surgeons.
What Are The Risks and Side Effects To Having Juvederm?
Depending on the procedure and the amount of Juvederm injected, risks include bruising, swelling and infection, all of which are minimized by seeing a board certified practitioner. In clinical testing, the most commonly reported side effects included temporary injection site reactions like redness, pain and tenderness, skin firmness and lumps and bumps under the skin known as granulomas. According to Allergan, Juvederm's manufacturer, treated areas should not be exposed to excessive sun, or extremely cold weather until initial swelling and redness has been resolved. Laser treatments, chemical peels and other procedures on the skin should be delayed until after receiving Juvederm due to a possible risk of inflammation at the injection site. Most Juvederm providers caution patients that bruising or bleeding at the injection site can be increased by taking aspirin, ibuprofen or any other substance that thins the blood. Juvederm is not indicated for people who have allergies to bacterial proteins or patients with severe allergies marked by a history of anaphylaxis or multiple severe allergies.
19/f
I should start by saying that my parents are in their late 40s and 50 years, as well as the fact that they were raised in Colombia.
I'm the first born generation in the US and am college student majoring in art education.
I'm starting in a community college and transferring to a 4 year university. After much research I decided on going to the Virginia Commonwealth university. Thier program is rated one of the highest best for art education.
There's just one problem.
I made a good friend via internet who lives in Virginia. He is 24/m I met him when he was 22. I have met him in person several times now over the past year and have met his family over Skype. He is literarily the most amazing person I know.
My mother met him once and didn't like him at all just because I met him online, he lived in a different state and "he looks weird".
After 2 years of talking to him, I have developed very strong feelings for him and he reflects them back. He travels 6 hours one a month to see me in secret (my mother told me she never wanted to see him in front of our house again).
The plan was to get an apartment in Virginia and actually reside there. Not just dorm.
How can I tell and convince my parents that I'm leaving New Jersey permanently to go to school and reside in Virginia? And that it is on my own terms not my friend's who supports any school I choose?
This could get a bit complicated as there is an element missing; such as who is paying for college and living expenses.
If you are paying your own way through college then moving out of your parents home and living with your boyfriend is your right as an adult. Your parents can object but that's is all they can do for as an adult they cannot control you as they did when you were a minor. You have total free will now as guaranteed under the laws and Constitution of our country.
Now if your parents are paying for your college education, this is where things get a bit murky. Once again you are an adult. Your parents obligation to you under the law ended on your 18th birthday. They are no longer obligated by law to do any of the things they provided when you were a minor. They certainly are under no obligation to pay for your college. Promises made to you were made with the understanding that you would abide by their continued parenting while in school. It may not have been said outright but it was inferred.
Now for the part that gets murky. Your parents may approve of the school but not your living arrangement. This would violate the agreement they made with you and their obligation to fund your schooling and your parents would no longer be obligated to pay for school.
Earlier this year a young lady someplace in this country (I have forgotten where) sued her parents to pay for her schooling for very similar reasons as I have laid out here. The judge told her to go home as her parents requested or live without their financial support.
While you are free to do as you please and your parents do not have to like it or get it. There control over you may be the financial support you need to get a college education.
This is what you may need to consider. If financial support is not a problem then your parents do not have to approve or get it. You are not obligated to get their approval before doing what you want. What I suggest though is you sit down with your parents and explain to them that you have been seeing this boy, behind their backs. That you love him and why. This may be enough to make them get it as you say.