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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

My mate said, he missed me, after seeing me in a week time at college (he's never said that before). I fancy him so I was glad that he missed me. I didn't say anything instead I said, oh did you, bless you. He just smiled and touched my shoulder smoothly as always but not in a pervert way. He called me baby once as he'd never used that word before and smiled afterwards. We had Wendy's together the other day and he insisted to pay, didn't even let me pay. Sadly, he's engaged and I have a bf. He says he sees as his own family. I can't even dare to question him even though he's my good friend. I might be thinking ahead, I got no clue but what's his behaviour telling you, experts? Appreciate the answers

Its hard to know his mind and if it means anything. As long as he is alive, he always has the opportunity to break off engagement or if married to divorce IF he was really into someone else and knew they returned the feelings. Since the both of you have only been good friends all this time, he may be acting as he would with any female he is with, a sister, aunt, female cousin, and pay for their meal. People have forgotten what good manners are and with a guy in such situations, its more because its good manners, being courteous and considerate to any female that comes across his path. You are sad that he is engaged. But are you sad with your boyfriend? A heart can sometimes like two people equally well, but if all involved are monogamous people, then they will only be comfortable choosing one eventually.

A problem for friends who are both sexes and one or both fall for each other, is that neither will share how they feel with the other because of the fear that once knowing this, the other will feel awkward, the relationship is now strained because the other doesnt feel the same way and often friends like this will part.
A friend can say they missed you and it not mean anything more than just that. If a female friend told you that, you wouldn't be assuming she was bi and hitting on you, right? Or perhaps the younger people of today are extremely afraid of the wrong person hitting on them or they assume that kindness means someone is hitting on you. It really isn't all that complicated, or shouldn't be.
I always tell male -female friends that if one wants to know how the other feels about you, instead of blurting out your feelings and scaring them off, the best thing is to say, "We get along so well as friends, that it makes me wonder how we'd get along if we were 'more than friends'. What do you think? Do you want to give it a try?" Remember that for next time. At this point he is engaged to be married. You have a boyfriend. If he was single, or you were, it could be a different story. Lets say you have decided the current boyfriend is not the one you want to be long term or life long with. But he is engaged. Until he is married, it is not too late. There's always a chance that he found the perfect marriage partner or that they are a mismatch and shouldn't be getting married. You can't tell him that. This is why some brides get left at the alter and the guy has cold feet, meaning he has never really been in touch with how he felt or honest with himself and he just is not sure. I've been around long enough to know that if two people have fallen in love with each other, they are Very Sure. Its those who love something about the other but are not in love with each other whose partnership may not last. I don't know that about him. But as long as you are torn between him and currant boyfriend, I feel it would be wrong to ask him if he ever wondered once upon a time about having a relationship with you. If you asked him while in a relationship yourself, he wouldn't think you were all that serious or perhaps didn't know what you want. Knowing what you want is one thing and easier, Finding what you want can take much longer and is much harder.

Lastly, seeing you as family usually means like a sibling, aunt uncle, parent, the usual family members. A man who really likes a girl and wants to be in a dating relationship or more, would not say, you are like family, he'd say I would like it if you would be my girlfriend. Guys are more to the point and don't play the brain games that females do. Overthinking and seeing more into something that really isn't there are traits of females. Until you have heard real proof from his lips, you know nothing. and the only way to find out is to ask him things. You could ask if he loves her. Does he feel she is his soul mate? As his friend you are concerned with his happiness. So is she simply good enough to settle for or does he feel like he is giving up on some of his dreams and wishes to be with her. If he reassures you that she is everything he's ever wanted, or some such thing, then congratulate him and leave it be. If he has any hesitations or concerns, then perhaps you might say that you had always wondered how the two of you would do as a couple since you get along so well as friends. That is not an odd question as the two most important foundations to a relationship is being each others best friend and also being each others sexual equal (meaning same libido which is how often or how little a person wants sex, and both being adventurous, wanting to try the same things, or enjoying same fetishes, plus most of all, having similar pheremones so ones partner arouses you, is never disgusting to you sexually, etc. So starting at friendship is a good place to start but you need to be careful that you don't cause him to drop someone who is perfect for him, no matter how you feel.

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Will anal sex disvirgin you

Actually, both MrKaman and Adviceman have correct points depending on how you are viewing the situation. For todays standard of what the public in large believes 'virgin' means, most people assume it means only penis in vagina sex. The word virgin if used as in virgin forest, means a forest untouched by any human. No human has ever set foot there. So most people mean that no mans penis has ever entered the vagina.

I have also read that ones sexuality is not losing or gaining anything from having intercourse which I translate as penis in vagina sex. A female can put all sorts of dildos in there and yet still consider themselves a virgin. However our sexuality didn't start on the day we had penis in vagina sex. It is more complex involving kissing and touching, oral sex, anal sex and intercourse.

So if a person truly loses virginity when its only penis in vagina sex, then answer this:

At what point are gay couples no longer a virgin? Both have vagina's or both have penis's. So the term 'Virgin' is very outdated and no longer fits for todays sexuality. The answer is, when a person begins to explore their sexuality on their own like masturbating or heavy petting, oral, vagianl or anal sex, it is all parts of the same thing, getting ones feet wet sexually. I do not know if there is a word for that yet but there should be.

The concept of women being called virgins was something that men came up with in long ago times when there was no birth control and no paternity tests. Men wanted to know a womans child was his and not some other mans. Back then there was no way to know. And so started this concept of telling women that they had to be virgins when they married, and men back then meant virgin as untouched sexually by another man. This did not just refer to intercourse but if a woman was at any point alone with a man in a room or somewhere without a third person escort, it was assumed she could have had sex and no longer be a virgin, her reputation for being untouched was now gone because there was no way to prove they did or didn't do it. It was just assumed that it had happened. I hope this straightens out everything for all.

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Hi ya,
We were having a ciggie outside after a lunch. It was windy and chilly and he asks are you cold coz he could see me saying I'm cold. I was standing few feet away from him and smoking and he would say, why are you standing that far, stay closer to me. Why don't you come closer here to me so that you feel warmer I said no you wish. We'd both burst into laugh, he would say to me you're bossy. We have been friends for a months and we have a boyfriend and girlfriend. I do feel like he likes me but then he could be joking because we do joke a lot. Any thoughts? Thanks

There is nothing in that conversation that stands out as him trying to let you know he has feelings for you. It is what it sounds like, friendly chatting and teasing. Teasing is not flirting but so many hopeful single girls interpret it that way. If you were a girl and the other girl is interested in you, you might get a really round a bout way of being given clues, vague, hints that could mean just about anything. But if we are talking about males, if they like you, they pretty much will say so if asked. They may not think to tell you, or not want to if they are not sure how you will receive the news cus like anyone, guys don't like rejection either. However if you ask him if he is interested in you, then likely he will say so. But since he already has a girl friend, he probably isn't into you. Just because a person is in a relationship does not mean that they can't tease or even flirt harmlessly with another person. I am female and no matter that I have a wedding ring, other guys might tease, flirt or be a gentleman getting the door or helping me in other small ways. Its called being a gentleman, or chivalrous which means being courteous, considerate or gentlemanly. And while one would hope that a man who does exhibit this behavior means something more,, that he has feeling for a female, he better behave that way. However in most circumstance, a guy who offers you his coat or to shield you from the wind with his body is merely being a normal gentleman, chilvalrous.

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So I started taking birth control on the 2nd of this month. On my fifth day of taking it my boyfriend and I were messing around, I was on top and I almost slid his dick in my vagina all the way. He was not wearing a condom, and I got off after a few seconds when it started to hurt too much. And I started bleeding, it was my first time really having a penis in there. He also rubbed the head of his penis in my vagina for a little bit before that. I have been freaking out since. I've read that pre-cum can contain low amounts of sperm, and that it can contain it if the guy ejaculated not too long before and did not urinate since. We weren't doing stuff for too long and I do not believe he ejaculated before that happened. Now it is my 12th day of taking birth control, a week after that happened and I have some light spotting. I heard this is very common for women who recently started taking birth control, but I also read that there is a such thing as implantation blood. It said that implantation blood is brownish/pinkish and it seems like that's what color mine is but I can't even tell because its not heavy enough and I'm freaking out. Also not sure if anyone believes in signs but I've been freaking out about this today, well more than usual I guess because of the spotting. And then I go on fb and my friend tagged me in a "names of girls that will have triplets in 2018" and my name was on it and I saw the post at the 10:27, and 27 is a number that has always been like a warning or sign to my friend and I and I know that sounds stupid but I'm just scared. Is there a big chance I'm pregnant? I'm only 19, my bfs 20. I'm still in school, and he's freaking homeless as of rn. My mom told me whatever I do, do NOT get pregnant and that is why she put me on this birth control (LoEstrin FE). and now I'm already fucking up. I was supposed to wait two and half weeks to let the birth control kick in but I did stuff only five days after. I have no idea what to do. I don't even want to take a pregnancy test yet because its just going to stress me out even more, and what if it is not even accurate? Ah sorry I'm ranting. anyway thank you for whoever takes the time to read this and please help!

We always think we can defeat fate but whether we do or not, as you now know, theres a lot of worry and knowing in hindsight that we made a bad move. You already know you didn't wait long enough. There's a reason for waiting because the hormones of birth control take some time to build up in you to a collective amount large enough to prevent your getting pregnant. Since you only had 5 days of it, there's a good chance of getting pregnant if he leaked pre cum And if you were close to ovulating at the time. So if its a no to each of those, then you couldn't be pregnant. Here's info from the internet:

If you begin to take Lo Loestrin Fe during the first 24 hours of your period, you do not need to use an extra form of birth control. If you begin to take Lo Loestrin Fe on the Sunday after your period starts, you will need to use an extra form of birth control for 7 days after you start taking Lo Loestrin Fe.

Seeing any blood, could simply be break through bleeding which can happen on the pill, although you weren't on it long enough to start having issues. Maybe you are extra sensitive to it. Your worry alone is enough stress to cause your period to not come easily and be delayed at which point you can easily get that brownish-pink tinged fluid rather than the regular red flow. So you may not be pregnant. A pregnancy test at this point may be too early to give you a good result.
As far as pre cum is concerned, that is referring to any fluid that leaks from the tip of penis when erect and he is excited sexually. It can act as a lubrication in having sex. This is before,, not after cumming. After a guy ejaculates, yes, even then a drop or two can still form on the tip of penis. So wait a bit and then take a pregnancy test.

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So I will do my best to explain this though I have found it extremely difficult to express how I feel and what i think which I think is a big part of this issue.


So I have a person in my life, who I look up to very much, and also work with, who keeps telling me I need to grow up.

Now, I have trouble explaining this situation well but lets just say that I have feelings for this person, I look up to them, I care about what they think, and I want them to think I am doing a good job. He works with me, and he used to be vey kind and understanding with me, until he wasn't.

I'm writing this because Im not sure if I am in the wrong or what is going on so I would like some perspective.

Basically he says I cause more problems than solutions. And he gets angry now every time I mess up at work or there is an issue he yells at me and starts to scold me for what I did. The problem is that I don't know how to fix it. I find myself now working and making decisions on eggshells, and messing up more than before because of the fear of causing anger and getting an angry response from this person.

The other problem is not being able to explain this to him because every time I do he comes back with "UGH see youre just creating a big drama with what you feel and its causing more problems, just admit you're wrong, don't give me some excuse, and fix it"

The problem is I feel like everything I do is wrong and I cant fix it no matter how many different options or roads I take I always end up with the same reaction and being yelled at. And i cant explain how I feel to him because then he gets more angry.

So I guess my question is, am i being too emotional? how do I stop feelings this certain way? How do I fix my work when every step I take or decision I make is to him a mistake and warrants a scolding? And why wont he listen to what I have to say about the situation without calling me a big baby?

What do I do in this situation?

And please don't say to change jobs because I've tried and its impossible at this particular moment in time.

MrKaman is right, his behavior of yelling in anger at work place is uncalled for. Not only unprofessional but to the person being chewed out in front of others, it is very belittling. My ex was bad enough but he had a friend who was even worse, very narcissistic in behavior, while my ex had mental issues also but I left him before the counselor determined what they were. If you can not move to another job, perhaps if the company is large enough, another department where you won't have this man in charge over you. You are just as trapped with him as employer or supervisor as I was married to such a person. Between both the ex and his friend, I can list the things you've said that are actions of a person with a mental illness. As to which one, can't say as so many have overlaping same problems, it takes a professonal to determine that.
But mental illness in my experiences produces these actions in people:

Always having to be right.
Making up stories about others to make them look bad, pointing the finger at you and saying that you are the problem. (This is a self defense tactic such a person does subconsciously without realizing it. They are attempting to take all attention off themselves so no one might discover that they are the one who truly has issues.) My ex did lots of that.
Admonishing, correcting or plain old making up stuff or dumping on you to release their stress but doing so often in front of others rather than taking you aside in private. My ex did a lot of that so that it was obvious to friends and family how he was treating me.
When someone comes to your defense, the next step is either invalidating the other person too or blowing up at you for dragging someone else into this, or simply telling the other to shut up and its none of their business.
People are humans and humans are prone to error, and errors are what we learn by to get better. This man does not understand that. He seems to think he knows better and is better than anyone. Let me share a story to explain this better. I smartened up and thought, well if the hubby thinks he can do so much better, then I will ask for his opinion and do exactly as he says so he can't be angry with me. This was of all things over which kitchen cupboards held what foods or where dishes or mugs and cups went. So I asked him. He pointed out what he wanted in each cupboard. I took notes and did exactly as he suggested. I was so happy the next day when I showed him what I had done. Guess what? He wasn't happy, in fact he chewed me out again and told me this was an unacceptable solution and in some ways was way worse than before. So basically it did not matter when I told him this was his idea. Some people just can't be pleased and I found this in both him and his friend. So its damned if you do and damned if you don't. No matter how good you get and how little mistakes you make, this man is someone who will never be pleased or content.
A person like this guy at work, do not like being questioned or asked anything or anyone disagreeing with them as they take it as you questioning their intelligence. I even had the friend do that to me yelling inches from my face and scared me badly.
The reason he won't listen to you is like I've been explaining,, he believes he is always right, supreme like a evil God, a dictator, and are only happy for brief moments when people are fawning over them, feeding into their extremely oversized egos and telling them how intelligent and smart they are. they tend to also pick on the people with the lowest self esteem because these people are more likely to not fight back and put up with it. Since we can not change others, only ourselves, this means if he has chosen you as his dumping ground, then there is nothing you can do to change things at work and will have to put up with this. But think twice before you decide that staying there is the best or only choice. The physcial and emotional stress to my body caught up with me after a few years of this and I stayed for 30. It started with headaches, then migraines, then all over body stress rashes that itched like hell. I also got high blood pressure and stomach ulcers from that. Some cancers are caused by stress and heart attacks too. If I didn't leave him, one of those might be next. Actually heard from God that if I didn't leave him within 4 years of HIm telling me so, that I would be dead. Well, that was the incentive to make me leave him. I am much healthier and happier today and no more of those illnesses. Someday after years at this job, if not already, you will find that stress has affected you adversely also. So keep working there but on the side keep looking for another place to work. You may feel emotional, but you are not too emotional and you are not over thinking here. No employee should ever be treated this way. Even if he doesn't pick on others, if you are gone, he will choose another who is the best candidate to take his punishing behavior. This is not the kind of person to have for an employer or a husband or even a boyfriend. But if for some reason you think this man is right and that you are the problem, then you have already low self esteem or confidence and i suggest you go see a counselor because if not, you will end up married to such a man and they are not just verbal abusers but after some time if not right at the start, they are physical abusers too. I suggest steering clear of him just as an employer as soon as you can.

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Is it better to have a BMI of 24 and eat a 100% whole foods, plant-based diet or to have a BMI of 19 through eating unhealthy foods

I sometimes feel bad that I'm not at my goal BMI of 19 when I eat only healthy foods (green smoothies, salads, and soups literally daily) rarely eat oil or salt and never processed sugar. I know that a calorie is a calorie and I still sometimes struggle with binge eating on healthy foods, which is, the majority of the time, dried fruit.

However, I know some girls that eat a lot of junk and are a lot slimmer than me. Are they more admired by guys, just for having skinnier bodies? I also exercise a couple of days a week, too. Should I just step up my work outs? It's kind of defeating at times. Eat healthy, exercise, but still too close to being overweight.

Since junk food is not healthy , the obvious answer is that eating healthy is better, no matter what your weight or BMI is. Lots of how look as a person is determined by the genes you inherited. It need not be your Mom that you follow after though, but may be an aunt or either grandmother. I have a daughter who looks more like Dads side of family. I am petite and skinny and two kids were like me. But the one daughter, even tho she eats only natural foods and avoids GMO food, gluten or processed foods and does yoga daily, has the body size of not me but her dads mom so she has a higher BMI than her siblings.
As for young gals who eat a lot of junk but are slimmer, don't confuse slimmer for healthier. I have a niece at 16 who has so many medical issues all due to diet and she is skinny, but not healthy. Her diet is real bad. Her mom is ill so its up to the kids to feed themselves and Dad cooks weekends and they do not eat any vegetables and hardly any fruit either.

Now lastly, are slimmer girls more admired by guys. Maybe when the males in question are in their teens or twenties, some will have been brain washed by media, growing up with ads of super models and only think they want that. However there are many guys who also do not like that look. They prefer someone a bit larger than a fragile china doll, a medium to hefty sized woman. And when a man has decided what type of woman he is most drawn to, he will only go after that. Secondly, its important to be self confidant no matter what your size is and I have seen that in women even who were extremely obese and at a nudist event I attended. There were 2 such large women. One had no one interested in talking to her, the other had males and females alike chatting with her. So I went by both to see what each one was like as a person. The one without people was ashamed of how she looked while the other oozed self confidence. I have since come across info on the web that says in tests with strangers, men and women, the men always gravitated to the women with self confidence in the end. Some went straight for self confidence and average looks while those who went for the knock outs first realized those ladies worried too much about how they looked and were shallow or had no interesting personality at all and by end of experiment, all the men were talking to the women with self confidence. If you are truly too close to being overweight, and its not how you perceive yourself, then yes doing a bit more exercise can help. I know its unfair but of three basic body types, the skinnieset people need the least amount of work out to stay skinny, or in fact little to none. Those of medium weight require moderate exercise while those with the larger body type closer to or already overweight, require the most amount of exercise. Even foods can differ that are best for certain body types or dosha's as described in Ayurvedic medicine of India.

Here is one link to determining your dosha by a quiz you answer. It might be helpful for you to look up a list of foods good for your dosha types, whether vata, pitta or kapha. I have discovered I was eating things that were not the best for me but still healthy foods. So this takes the idea of eating healthy a step further, eating the healthy foods that are best for your body type. Hope this helps you.

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I sacrificed my life for my daughter. Her father who I divorced because he,was,abusive, physically and emotionally. I moved away when the divorce was final and concentrated on my new job who gave me the opportunity for a good life to support my child because her father never helped. To this day he has never admitted what he did and I minimized what he did. So my daughter visits him like he was the one who sacrificed for her. I left my family, friends a familiar place now many years have past. Daughter got married to a multi degrees ass. He doesn't respect me and she goes along with him but acts like that's not the case. A mother knows. I tried to remarry, he died 14 months after we wed. Put me in financial turmoil. I'm crawling out but so tired. You are nothing without support. Nothing without family. I was there for my daughter but wasn't rich enough to pay for all her college degrees. She has three degrees and student loAns that she blames me for. I paid what I could trying to keep a home for her to come home to on breaks. She went to best schools. He got yet another degree but can't put her in the same life style she grew up in, I grew up in. The other day I got fed up and told him whAt I thought. I can't stand him. He lunged at me once before , he did it agAin. And he is a Professor. He is a piece of suit. His family are ghetto snakes. I look around me I have nothing to live for . I'm sure he continues to turn my grandson against me. The pain is too much . This is my last entry. Anonymous so no cry for help.looking for how to leave here without pain. Ill miss the Lord's blue skies.

I agree that if you were strong enough to leave an abusive man as I was, then you are strong enough to face whatever life brings you.
Right now, you are more lonely and alone and that is the real issue besides finances.

Not having somebody to love you does not seem a worthwhile reason to want to end ones life. You didn't really ask a question so I can only give my opinion on what I saw written here. Your daughter may have a similar road of learning ahead, having married the first time to a man who is, as you said, a piece of shit. It can take a long time for a woman in a bad marriage to come to her senses and realize whats what and decide to leave a bad husband. That day will come eventually for your daughter and she will need you then, but if you end life now, you won't be here for her.

If you remarried and it was happily but lasted only 14 months, perhaps you are still grieving over that loss? I don't know but if thats a possibility, a grievance counselor at the very least is much needed. No woman is too old to marry again, and it is always possible until she is dead. I don't know why you haven't tried again. I am happily married the 2nd time and this summer is 8 years for us. The fact yours lasted so short before he died must be a fluke. I doubt that will happen again. If you can open your heart to the possibility of love from a husband again, then having that someone at your side to hold you and comfort you during this time that things aren't going well with daughter and son in law, is a wonderful thing to have. I know because nothing is totally perfect in my family either. The oldest daughter disowned all family and took off with my granddaughter from her 1st marriage. She is remarried a 3rd time and last I heard from her birth dad was that he was getting custody of her as CPS was involved in another state, the granddaughter and a new baby were both physically abused. Heart ache is at every turn in life. It's how we weather the storms that count, not how we try to avoid them cus I don't think that is not possible to avoid the storms of life. Only sometimes do we end up temporarily in the eye of the storm where all seems nice and peaceful but that doesn't last for long. I hope you are still around to read this. I don't believe you want anyone to tell you to call suicide prevention line which is an option. But I believe you are stronger and a fighter. To give up now makes all you've done and learned so far in life, have no purpose or meaning. To get this far and give up is just a waste. You mention the Lord but I don't know what you believe beyond His existance. If you are hoping that ending your life means just going to a place of rest...you may be surprised if thats not how it pans out. There is a belief in reincarnation which I am pretty sure is the way things go. After all, it was a popular belief in Jesus time and when questioned if He was Elijah or some other come back, the people were talking about reincarnation Jesus didn't rebuke them for that belief but simply said he wasn't those people they thought he might be. He rebuked other beliefs and things very distinctly, just not reincarnation. So what if after this life, thinking you took the easy way out of your misery, that you are going to have to be reincarnated into a similar life, again until you successfully manage to go through whatever experiences and lessons you were meant to go through? I have heard it said that life is merely like school with grades. Our soul is what passes from one grade up to the next as we learn, a process to become more like God and able to stay with Him in heaven But until that day, we must go from one life to the next and next until we finally graduate to living our eternal lives with God in Heaven. If you attempt to beg out early from this one, you may have to face the same in the next life. Do you want to put it off til later, so to speak, or drum up that toughness we know you already have and move forward. Start talking to God. It'll seem one sided for quite a while until you exercise that spiritual muscle in your head so you can telepathically hear Gods voice inside your head. But thats a good place to start because among many other situations where I have talked with God, the area of finding the right guy the second time around was a big one for me and God surprising not only told me to leave the abusive 1st husband but talked to me alot about finding a new husband. He does care about things like that.But keep in mind He gave each of us a free will to do as we wish so He can't magically wave a wand and "make" your daughter come to her senses by force. Same as he can't make some man decide to even meet you. From talks with my husband, we both realize now that God brought my dating profile across his path a year and 1/2 before he finally wrote me, thinking I was too good to be true, he'd had some failures and disappointments. He exercised his will to resist while he kept hearing God say to just give it a try and write to me. Eventually he did, LOL only to get Gods voice to stop reminding him. And to his surprise, he and i were perfect for each other and fell deeply in love. I would wish love for you in this life. However, you have a will too and if you decide to not give life a try, then perhaps you will find love in the next life.

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I've been a "sugar baby" on and off for three years since I was 19. I've had two "sugar daddies" and gone on dates with other potentials, but they didn't work out for one reason or another.

I don't necessarily like doing it, but the financial and materialistic aspect of it always lures me back in. I always worry about my safety and the fear of being raped or worse because there's really 0 way to protect yourself once you're alone with him.

I haven't had that happen though and my experiences have been really good so far. I was able to make four times what I make at my normal job in a month and finally able to start paying off some of my bills last time, but I had to put a stop to it because he started becoming too demanding of my time and my family started wondering how I was getting so much extra money.

Now I'm really missing it because I've had to go back to the life of a normal worker. I'm starting to see my bank account dwindle back into the triple digits and it's really getting to me because when I was a SB I always had at least a couple thousand extra. Since then I've had my computer crash, and broke a phone so I had to replace those and paid for them outright so I wouldn't have to finance them and I had a car repair as well as Christmas. I also of course had my normal month to month bills.

This is going to sound super selfish, but I also really miss eating out at high end places where the bill would be over $300 at times and I didn't have to worry about it because the SD paid. I was able to buy healthy organic groceries and foods from special markets. The food was so amazing and so delicious and now I'm back to frozen dinners and chain restaurants. I get really sad comparing my life then to now...

So now I'm thinking about going back, but the hunt for a good SD is really long and terrible. There's so many slimy men who will try to trick you and who pray on younger girls like me. There's also a lot of men who are just straight up cruel and will try to belittle you into sleeping with them for small amounts of money.

I'm also getting a new roommate in three weeks because my old one is moving home so I don't now what she would think if she saw me leave and come back at odd hours.


It's so hard living like this again though...I think about it every day. What I could have compared to what I do.



todays world is even tougher to make ends meet in, than when I was younger. I worry about my daughters married/some not, as it doesn't seem to matter what they do. Husbands daughters was invited to join a top college for digital art, the only way to get in, by invite. SHe got her degree, a large school loan and no job. She is a go getter type, not one to be shy about approaching the right people. No matter what she did, she still doesn't work in her field and it would have been good money. So while a good degree is great, there are so many more vying for the same jobs today, that I can understand if you don't want to go that way.

I actually know a gal who is the age of one of my daughters. Married a guy her age who turned out to be so wrong for her and lazy on top of it. She was supporting him by working two jobs and finally got tired of it. She met a guy on line in a game actually... someone closer to grandpa age, and the man used to be married to someone his age but it didnt work out. He is well off financially and began courting this young gal and paying for all sorts of things while at the same time giving advice on how she could proceed with growing a business of her own which she has just started. It is working out for them as this guy seems to want real relationship, not just for sex. So it is possible. What you need to decide is if you actually prefer being with an older man who is more mature which is the case for the gal I know or whether the draw is only financial. Maybe its a little of both. If only financial, you'd have all your needs met and yet be miserable in a different area from finance, mainly relationships and romance. If you don't find a man where both of you care for each other, then its just a business transaction. I found my 2nd husband on a regular dating site. But in searching for dating sites, I came across one that was made specifically for Sugar Daddys looking for a woman. Not all are way older men and not all were millionaires, but earned at least 100 grand a year to be on there. THey did not all want only a young gal. I believe the gal has to pay to sign up on that site. Don't remember the name of it, but if you do searches for Sugar Daddy dating sites, you may find it. If you want money but not the older man, then the suggestion by MrKaman is actually a pretty good one to become a cam girl. My 2nd husbands ex used to do that for a while. We both became friends with a very open minded older gal in her mid 60s who was on such a tight budget and needed extra income. When my husband suggested she might look into that, a light bulb went off as she confessed shes still very sexual. There are men wbo go on line for cam girls who are specifically older. SO she tried it and was doing so good, she doesn't plan to ever quit and keep doing it as long as she can. Even if you go after this suggestion, you'd still have to explain to parents where all the money is coming from.

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I am a nineteen year old female I'm 100 pounds and I'm 5'2''. I'm naturally thin and always have been. My diet is kind of all over the place I basically can eat whatever I want and not gain any weight ever. I'm skinny but I have a butt and boobs and recently I started working out again (I walk a few times a week and do yoga every day, usually I do yoga first then go running/walking) I had this problem last year when I did the same thing I immideately started to notice that my bobs were getting smaller and they're not that big to begin with (32B) if anything I'd want them to be a little bigger not get smaller. I'm already skinny but I just want to be more lean and toned and just have a little bit more muscle in general. last year i cut out all red meat and only ate grilled chicken and fish, only had whole wheat bread not white, only drank almond milk not regular, and lots of fruits and veggies in conjunction with this workout regimen. Is there something I'm doing wrong as far as my diet is concerned or are my boobs just going to get smaller regardless? Im currently following this workout regimen but want to know if I should follow my old diet or a new one so I dont lose too much weight.

A females chest size to begin with is largely based on genetics. I'm 5'2 also. And I always was a B. I also exercised lots before I had kids but I didn't notice losing any cup size on boobs. No, that didn't happen until kids came along. I gained size with breast feeding to a C but after the child no longer fed from me, I went back to B. However, with the next two kids, tho I went back up to C, it was only during feeding. Afterwards, I went down to less than an A cup. I was doing no dieting nor exercise. So I think that sometimes, a chest is just going to do what it wants. I have not heard of any breast increasing methods that work, same like all those ads telling men they can increase their penis size.

My ex wanted me to have bigger boobs and persuaded me to try all the things he came across, diets, subliminal tapes to listen to, creams, to name a few. non worked. I am happy to say that as I aged (now grandma age) my fast metabolism has slowed down enough for me to keep on some extra weight. At one point I gained 20 lbs more than I weighed in high school and breast were of course bigger. However when I lost the weight and went down almost to my HS weight of 110, my boobs stayed the larger size. I have done nothing special at all for that to happen. It may be the same for you, that you will have to wait until you've raised children and are older before you have more of a chest.
In case you are concerned that males are not going to be attracted to you due to size of your chest, I'd like to say that I have found men of all sorts...the ones who are so brainwashed, they go for the model types and don't care about character and personality as they are into enjoying women and leaving them for the next eye goggling sight in a female. I have heard men say they prefer the natural look instead of women with breast implants. I have heard men say that anything more than a handful is too much for them. I know of men who have ladies with practically a flat chest and those very obese with bowling ball sized boobs, and yet each guy is happy with their gal because they have an idea in their mind of what is attractive to them. That's where the saying "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." What is beautiful to one man is not interesting to the next. I have explained all this as there is no neat answer to say what diet to do to keep chest size. I have never come across any such thing. If it were so simple, then some lucky person who created a diet or some cream or gadget that increased bust size would be one of the richest people on the earth.
If you are thinking that more exercise can help, well...I've seen the pics of lady body builders. They can make it appear they have gained chest size because their chest muscles are developed like a mans which will stick out more. But unfortunately, that exercise does nothing to change the cup size of the breasts, that remains the same. So depending on how developed a female athletes chest gets, the chest could be so manly, it kinda swallows up the shape of the boobs as those arrange to stretch over a man like chest and their top half stops looking like a female.

In truth, for our size frame, a B cup is the most you can hope for. A few may have C or larger but if real skinny, they tend to look top heavy and the body out of proportion, plus having more than your frame can support can lead to back problems. I worked an insurance company where for those reasons women were wanting ins. approval to get a breast reduction surgery. I lost lots of weight when exercising every other day reall hard. I went down to 96 lbs and could not gain, until I quit exercising that much. So your best bet is to stick with yoga but cut down on other exercise if you feel you are losing too much weight in general. But don't expect any miracle in boob size no matter what you do.

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I live on campus during the year and for the last two years I haven't had to go home for an extended period of time. I did go home for a short period during winter break and spring break and brought my cat with me both times and she was fine with it and loved having him around. She even cried about losing him when I had to take him back with me to college. Well this year there's a 50% chance that I'll have to go home for the summer.

I interviewed for a summer position so I could stay on campus again over the summer like last time, but my friend told me that all the positions are already filled from what she's overheard.

Now my mom is saying I can't bring the cat with me if I come home over the summer and won't budge. I also can't afford to pay for summer housing because it's 2k. I don't know what to do! I love my cat so much and don't want to give him up. I also don't want to home him temporarily with somebody else because I feel like 3 months is a really long time for my cat to be away from me and that he'll form new attachments to whoever I home him with. My kitty sleeps with me every night and I'm allowed to have him at college because he's my medical support animal for a heart condition I have.

I need to find a way to come up with 2k for the summer housing in less than three weeks and I don't know if that's even possible. My parents don't have the money to lend to me and I don't want to borrow it from other people.


I have about $500 I could spare at most, but not 2k. :(

If you have a church or friends back home whose parents might welcome you staying with cat for all summer, those are possibilities.
HOwever I do not understand why your Mom has changed her stance since last time. This is the part you left out. Or did you not ask her why she changed her mind. If she discovered she is allergic to cats, then that is a biggie. If she is worried that you might not do the feeding catbox and whatever play time cat needs and it all falling to her, well...thats another thing. My daughter when younger did not consistantly take best care of her cat because she was going thru college and part time job didn't cover cats needs all the time.

Now you did mention having the cat for medical support. Since I have no need of a support animal, I am not familiar with the system. But I do know that those with a really valid reason who have gone through the hoops are issued a card that shows they legally need the support animal such as a dog for the blind, or a dog who can sense when a seizure is coming on for their owner. I know some people have even legally got one for depression. If you are simply calling this a support animal but there is no legal paperwork on it, then Mom doesn't have to allow the cat. If there is something that the cat does do for you and you have a card, surely she knows this and knows that the cat cannot be separated from you and shouldn't be asking you not to bring it.

I have a feeling some info here was left out. I think it would be best to have a good talk with mom and see what the reasons are. If it comes to negotiating something, perhaps you still can bring the cat. HOpe this helps you in deciding what to try next.

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OK so I am a lesbian and consider myself out of the closet, as in my friends and family all know and I am comfortable telling people. This one girl isn't homophobic she's just really annoying about it. Like she keeps thinking I have a crush on her even though she is really fat and ugly...she also always has to say she is straight. Like if I say "my hair is not straight, just like me." She'll have to chime in with "my hair is straight just like me." and it's really fucking irritating. She also has to constantly point out my sexuality whenever rainbows are involved, for example, my other friend had made phone cases for a scene in the play (we are all in drama club) and asked her to pick one. One of them had a rainbow design so she was all like "I'm going to pick this one in honor of *insert my name*" then for the next hour was like "do you get it...do you get why I picked it in honor of you" I'm not ashamed of being gay but holy shit I don't need to be reminded every 2 seconds. And if someone says faggot or something she'll start screaming, then be like "OMG we have a GAY person in the room!!!!" While pointing at me, or she *always* has to tell off homophobic people *because of me.* Standing up to homophobes isn't the problem, it's just that I don't like being singled out and othered all the damn time and even if you didn't have a single gay friend you still should be against homophobia...and if something even slightly good happens to the LGBT community she goes way over the top excited (more excited than any community member I've ever met and I've met plenty.) Of course she pins her excitement on me. Tbh I feel like she's gay or bi herself and doesn't accept herself, or her parents are against it, or something and is trying to live it out through me. In which case she sounds like cringey 12-14 year old LGBT emo kid who admins an LGBT Instagram page. A big reason I feel this way is how she behaves towards a mutual friend of ours. Lets call her N. N is an absolute sweetheart, a very likeable, terribly nice girl and I don't think she has a drop of hate inside her but honestly the way she acts towards N is so weird. Like she's developed this creepy Asian fetish after meeting her (N is Japanese) and is constantly hugging and grabbing her, and if anyone else tries to high five her or something she'll get insanely jealous and start death staring you before pulling her away and claiming she belongs to her. Any time she is absent from school we can't mention her name without her wailing at the top of her lungs,"*insert her name* CHAAAAN." Aside from that she acts like an overprotective white suburban mom. It's beyond the friendship thing, and I think N is too nice to say it but she doesn't like it. If she did have a crush on her whatever, but even if you did that's really creepy...if I acted like that to my crushes, I would be considered a predator and get a restraining order put on me. How do I get this girl to chill tf out?

Yes, I agree she sounds annoying but it may be like you wonder, if she deep down knows she is gay but trying not to accept it for religious reasons, or afraid of parents. She may be a little off in knowing how to socialize, having some kind of disorder that is subtle but might explain away why she goes overboard on what she says and does to make it look like she is accepting of gays. I'll bet if a close friend ended up in a wheelchair, she'd be yelling for all to hear, "this is my friend who now has to use a wheelchair. or OMG, don't say that cus we have a disabled person here whose feelings could be hurt!" I had a girlfriend in HS who didn't have many friends due to a social disorder as I call it, called Aspergers Syndrome, it is found with other disorders on whats called the Autism Spectrum. The gal you mention reminds me sooo much of the girlfriend. I am attaching the link so you can read a description of what an Aspergers person is like and I am sure you will agree it sounds alot like this gal you mention. If so, there is nothing she can do to stop doing this, this is who she is and needs to be accepted for who she is. I remember many one sided conversations with her, her being repetitive in her actions and what she said. Sometimes she told me something she'd shared 3 times already and I always pretended as if it was the first and gave her that kind of attention. Unless you should choose to not be friends with her anymore, its a matter of resigning yourself to grinning and bearing it as part of who she is.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome

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I'm afraid I'm going to have to get my wisdom teeth taken out soon, but I have a horrible, irrational fear of the dentist.

It's not just a fear like most people's fear of the dentist. It's partly that, but there's more to it. I had the worst orthodontist in the world. I had braces for three years and the whole time, I had to go to the orthodontist once a month. I dreaded every time. It never got easier. My orthodontist was rude, abrasive, and down right scary. If you told him that something he did hurt, he'd say, "No it didn't." He often did painful procedures without warning you. He ripped out my last baby tooth without letting me know he was gonna do so and the tooth wasn't even loose. It was also a silver tooth, so it really hurt, but he was very insensitive about it. This is just one of many examples of the kinds of things he did. He also once upset one of his employees so much that I think she quit and called for a ride home, but while she was doing so, he ripped the phone off of the wall.

This orthodontist have me an irrational fear of the dentist and now I'm scared to have any dental work done. However, I can't ignore my wisdom teeth becoming impacted. I've put off getting them removed BEFORE they became impacted, but I'm just not gonna be able to keep doing that.

Does anyone have any advice to help me relax and keep the stress and anxiety about this down?

I know of someone who had a great fear because of something that someone repeatedly did to her. It interrupted her quality of life so she went to see a hypnotist. I mention this as it worked perfectly for her. I'd still meet with the Dr. as suggested ahead of time and let them know of what happened and your fears. But even with reassurances and a promise that you will be knocked out as I was for the same procedure, I never felt any pain or soreness, not until much later after the wisdom teeth were removed, part of what the healing process is.
If you find reassurances aren't enough to get you to keep and show up at an appointment, then I would suggest finding a hypnotist and telling them what happened and how you need to lose your fear of having teeth worked on since you need wisdom teeth removed. If you force yourself to go without losing the fear first, you may complicate things, even have nightmares.

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Hi, I'm a 29 year old woman and I'm finally starting to face the fact that I may have a serious problem when it comes to my love life. However, sometimes I blow things out of proportion, so I just want to know how you all feel.

The problem is that my entire life, I have almost exclusively had romantic feelings for older men (almost is the key word though). I've never dated one, but I've had bad crushed on a lot of guys old enough to be my father. Most aren't quite that old, but older than any man I'd be willing to marry, such as 10 to 15 years older. This is the way it's always been. As a teenager, I was simply never attracted to any guys my own age.

Now that I'm an adult, it's getting better. I've always been attracted to grown men, but now that I'm a grown woman, that's not as much of a problem anymore. But it's still a bit of a problem, because I was born in the late 80's and most of my crushes were born in the 60's to early 70's and some even in the 50's (I'm not proud of this). I've never been able to act on any of these crushes because I do not want to date anyone more than 10 years older than myself.

But now I'm thrilled that I FINALLY have feelings for two different guys close to my age. I have two simultaneous crushes on a guy named Dan and a guy named Nick. I am currently 29 and I'll be 30 in September. Dan is 34 and Nick is almost 37 they're still older, but in a few months, we'll all be in our thirties and we were all born in the 80's. It feels great to finally have choices for boyfriends who aren't so much older than I am. So good that I don't wanna go back to the way things used to be, but if things don't work out with Dan OR Nick, I can't promise that they won't and that scares me.

What are your thoughts? Is this the huge problem I've made it out to be or are there other people with this issue?
Is there a reason this might have been a problem for me? Is there a way I can control my feelings? If things don't work out with Dan or Nick, Then, I really want to try to stay in my own decade when it comes to dating, but does anyone know a way I can help myself to do that?

You are turning 30, a time when a few years before or after that age, a person is ready to learn who they really are, and drop the expectations others had for them like friends, parents, society and at this time, a person will follow their own path, decide what is right for them regardless of what the 'so called norm' of society is. Just because you don't see many couples with wide age ranges doesn't mean it can't work or doesn't exist. Advice man stated the basic reasons a gal may go after an older man. There are also males who when young are not interested in their female counterparts as they are too young, immature for him and do not know what they want out of life, they are attracted to self confidence and so it is the older woman that a younger man finds attractive. And sometimes, there just is a preferance for someone older, you don't know why because not many of us look that closely at ourselves, when its a good idea to try to look at what we need and want before we go looking for a partner. This makes it easier. If you are not concerned about having a child of your own, then older men are no issue, espeically if they are looking for love and a wife and not a young play thing to make them feel younger if in midlife crisis. If the man is old enough he doesnt want to start a family or if he has young or grown children, those are things you will want to take into consideration, otherwise, there should be no problem with dating an older man. Make sure it is something you want to do as you are really are right now is likely who you will be for the rest of your life with few big changes. This may be the last big change you make. You need to feel sure and not care what others think. Do not date Dan or NIck if you are only doing it to prove you can date in your age range.

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well i been heartbroken over this guy named josiah for 4-5 years, we were close and almost dated. he led me on and used me til didnt need me anymore, and is my first love, kiss who lost virginity to etc. we ent from talking alot flirting etc to all sudden it stopped. idk why still, and foundout from someone that is married now. i tried sending a friend request on facebook, playing it off as dont have these feelings still, but denied request but didnt block. want talk to him so badly, as did have a miscarriage of his child and never griefed properly as kept it from my family cause they lecture me about having feelings for him tho thats not something i can help , tried everything i could think of to move on, and now in a relationship with lance, who treats me like queen do care for just not as much as do josiah. he knows had thing for him in past, as told him how he hurted me badly emotionally dont think it was intentional tho cuase he's best guy i ever knew before lance. what should i do? and want make my current relationship work though im just settling for lance since cannot have josiah like we were...

first I will attempt to explain why you are still feeling so strongly for him. I read the very best explanation ever in the following book: What Men Say, What Women Hear
By Dr. Linda Papadopoulos

Don't get the wrong impression and think I am comparing her words to your guy as having been only after you for sex. this is about how women react in a relationship where there has been sex. Heres what Linda says:
Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.

And now I will share what I have discovered myself, that where my thoughts go, there follows my emotions. I am grandma age, been around long enough to experience this my entire life. Heres examples to explain what I mean. If you were told to start crying sadly, without any thoughts to pave the way, you would find it extremely difficult to cry at the drop of a hat. Now think of getting involved watching a movie and someone has just watched their pet dying and you feel it the way the character does, your mind is stuck thinking of just the movie story and so at a sad part you cry. If its something like a person picking on/bullying a kid, you get angry at the bully. These emotions feel very real and they are. I can feel anger rising like a tide in my chest and my heart beating faster as adrenaline rises too. Of course, watching something happy or funny, we smile or laugh. So rather than just waiting another 5 yrs hoping time alone will help, a better strategy would be to watch what you are thinking. The moment thoughts of him pop into your mind, don't start dwelling on them but mentally talk to your mind and say, these thoughts don't belong here anymore. He has moved on and I need to also so every time you start to think of him, I will stop you and tell you not to until you get the message and stop going back to thoughts of him. You would be actually speaking to your subconscious mind and it can be retrained. Its like another part of you in a separate entity so I wants you to be happy but too often our subconscious is more like a naive young child, no matter how old you are. And my subconscious has tried to go on giving me what I once did like cus everything was going good. In your case, your subconscious is assuming that you want to continue to think about him even though by now you realze its over. Its almost as if ones subconscious has a job of doing whatever it can to please you. It assumes that what you think about most is really what you want and want to think about. This is bad when what one dwells on is bad stuff, like accidents, dying early, losing your job.

If you apply yourself in capturing and dismissing thoughts of him, you won't forget him but the pain associated with not being his partner will go away. Keep in mind that at first, a thought you want to get rid of sometimes comes once a minute rather than once an hour. So at first it can be very tiring to be constantly chasing away there thoughts. I had to do the same once myself and was astounded with how often I received thoughts that I did not want to be dwelling on. But after two or three days of constantly getting these thoughts so I barely could get anything else done, it began to get better like maybe only 3 times in an hour, later once a week and so on. What is normal is that once you've stopped thinking of him, an occasional memory will come to you triggered by perhaps a song or a place that reminds you of him. This should carry no pain with it. Whenever you remember him at times like this in the future, it doesn't mean you must get in touch and make a connection on Facebook or elsewhere. All you need to do is pray that all is going well for him in his life, then change your focus and go on with your life. I know it doesn't sound like something as simple as this can work, but I am living proof that it does. As for losing a child in miscarriage, there is a proper role of steps to going through grieving successfully where you come out at the other end, no longer grieving. However, since each step is painful in its own way, people do sometimes stop at one spot and never get over their grieving. Here, stopping any thoughts is not the answer. Parts of grieving that are normal may not sound good like wanting to place blame but it is a crucial part and all must successfully be gone through before a person can go on with their life. So if you think that grieving a child, even if you were totally unprepared to be a mom anyway, doesn't change the fact you can grieve. You might check out a grievance counselor if you believe this to still be an issue after you have dealt with your thoughts of Josiah.

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OK ... I was home alone and I got really horny... I am 18 female and well I decided to search how to masturbate I read and I was getting more and more horny.. I have touched my self already but always after I did it I will still feel the urge today how ever while just reading methods I had some different feeling.. Then eventually I got up yo do it and I could barely move I felt weird then I was involuntarily squeezed I might say and I didn't feel horny again when I went to the bathroom my undies was wet with a lot of discharged was that an orgasm... Im a virgin..

If your reproductive system is mature or in the process of maturing, then yes, you can have an orgasm whether being a virgin or not. That part has nothing to do with it.
My guess from what you said is that in the past you got close to an orgasm, and all that time leading up to it is enjoyable too. However, the orgasm is the release and in men its their ejaculation of fluid containing sperm. For the female its different but they ejaculate too. Its a bit more complicated so I will explain as this is likely what you experienced.
The ejaculate fluid in women is separate from any urine. Scientists have done research and discovered that some women will have a show of liquid as you did with an orgasm. This happens most often with a g-spot orgasm. Your G spot is no more than 2 inches inside your vagina on the belly button side of body. This area feels rougher than anywhere else inside, kind of bumpy and if you press firmly enough you can feel an urge to pee but thats only because it is located right in front of your urethra. Some women have "squirted" as the most common term used, without a G spot orgasm but there are more who get this kind of liquid releaseing orgasm by G-spot orgasms. However, scientists also discover that not all women while forming in utero have the same connecting tube that allows your ejaculation fluid which is thinner and runnier than what you first produce in lubricatng liquid, to exit via the vagina. For some, the fluid goes via another tube straight to the bladder to be stored. These women will have just as strong orgasms but not gush as others. In testing fluid in the bladder before an orgasm and after, before contained only pee and after there was also the ejaculate in there.
I share this in case any friends talk and say they can't squirt, and you'll know what to tell them.
There are only a few physically able to squirt but haven't for a reason which is, when they or a partner are massaging the g-spot area and it becomes engorged just like a mans penis does, all the nerve endings are getting more excited and just as the point the gal feels the urge to pee, she stops because she genuinely thinks she needs to pee. A great remedy is to empty your bladder totally before starting masturbating or with a partner. then the next time a gal feels this urge to pee, the thing to do is not tighten up your muschles to hold pee back but allow yourself to let go, feel release as if you were peeing, but it rarely is pee. I can count on one hand how often I might actually release a little pee, you'll know by the scent. Otherwise, while it feels its comeing from the same place as urine when you do it, your ejaculate in released from the walls of the vagina. Young men will need to be taught about this is a female is a squirter so that just in case urinating disgusts them, they won't assume you just pee'd on them. If you have any other questions, just write to me and I'll do my best.

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Hello, my name is Tamara I'm 27 years old and had NEVER had relationships let alone sexual ones, not even Hans holding or kissing either, LOL, aww Lord that sounds sad xD Anywho I was wondering is it ok being a virgin for sooo long? I'm really uncomfortable with the subject, that I get genuinely have no interest in it. I hope it isn't bad. The jist of this is, is it unhealthy?

Hi dear, just saw this and I wanted to be clear about your phrase that you genuinely have no interest in it. If you mean you have no interest in having sex ever, there are other people just like you who do not care to have sex even if they have a libido and others who don't have sex because their sexuality is such that they have no desire at all. Some have experimented and come to that conclusion while others just know its not for them and have never had sex. In this day and age and with the internet, and media, there is so much more information on gender types, sexuality types and non are considered abnormal. It would actually be more abnormal for there to not be a variety of gender or sexual preferance differences in people. So don't worry. If I understood your statement wrong and you do want sex but haven't found the person you want to have it with, it won't hurt you to not have it. Think of all the Monks or Nuns who went straight into service as virgins. None of them have suffered illnesses or other problems for lack of sex. If you do want it eventually, there is nothing wrong with waiting as long as it takes to find Mr. Right for you. There are more people who had sex early in life and regret the experience as it was not special, they were too young and did not have much knowledge learned on the subject. If its a matter of becoming comfortable and learning about sex before you actually decide to go for it, then I'd like for you to check out info on the internet. Theres a gal about your age who has a video blog of every possible piece of info on sexuality, the most common questions answered and relationship and gender info also. Very entertaining, sometimes funny, and short videos right to the point. She presents real facts. I would encourage you to check out this site of Laci Green and heres the link: https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

I fell in love with this site and suggest it often after seeing the best info on hymens, and easy to understand which she calls "You can't pop your cherry--Hymen 101" Please check this all out if you are interested in self educating to be more comfortable whether you decide you are hetero, gay, transgender, Asexual, etc...

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I had a girlfriend for around ten months. On my end of the relationship, I thought I had done nothing wrong. I believed that until her friends told me how obsessive I was, and manipulitive I could be. Ever since, I've bettered myself, and no longer do these actions. However, my ex and I talk every night, we've actually kept a streak since the day we first met. But over time, she has become the controlling person. she hates when I talk to other people, yet talks to her ex-ex boyfriend, (the one before me). She yells at me if I do anything she doesn't like, literally YELLS at me over the phone. She constantly treats me like a child, talking down to me and telling me what an embarrassment of a boyfriend I was. and the worst part is, I still love her. I need advice. I'm not going to leave her, that's not an option, but can someone help me to help her understand her problems?

thank you

I'd have to say that 90% of people do not respond well to someone (even in a nice caring tone) telling them about their short comings and how to better themselves. You are one of the exceptions here. I am too. While it stings to have someone tell you what they see wrong simply because they care, a person who is open minded, doesn't take things personally and is open to improving themselves is going to take such info and make the corrections. I am glad for the few brave souls who have not put me down but made some suggestions of things I could do in my situation, one with raising a difficult daughter and later, one who spoke some truths that I had not realized yet but helped me to make the move to leave an abusive spouse.
So now to your situation,from how you describing this girlfriend acting, it doesn't sound like she is open=minded, open to correction and doesnt take things personally. People can act this way at any age. However, I find more often that teens and 20 somethings are people who act this way. Some are like this simply due to inexperience, not having good examples in parents, simply not knowing any better. Then there are those who are angry at the whole world or beleive the world revolves around them or at least act that way. Have you heard the saying "YOu can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." Its even more complicated with people. But generally its the same deal, you only have control over yourself in truth, only person you can change is yourself. It is pretty much known in psychology that a person can not say or do anything to make a person stop something or change for the better. Why people think this is actually possible to change someone by speaking to them is probably because of situations in which they were a good silent example to a person who had decided to change and being that positive light in their lives makes the troubled person want to emulate the other. The big difference is that you are not talking to them about it, just being yourself, being wonderful, not being goaded into reacting in anger to their treatment of you. Do i know what I am talking about...sure I do...as I was in an abusive marriage once, verbally abusive. It was damned if I do and damned if I don't, nothing I could ever do was right. I hope you don't get stuck trying to be the good example for too long. I stuck with the ex for 30 years, God gave him that much time with me but at that point, it was long past the time where he could have slowly begun to change for the better. Some people never change in a lifetime, only making apologies from their death bed if they even have that chance. The counselor my husband was seeing told me that if no change at all in life, the best one can hope for is a person making minor changes and improvements during their life time. Sure theres always an exception to that rule but we're talking 1 in a hundred or hundreds of people. I have not yet found anyone like me who has made some of the biggest sweeping changes in their life until later like late 30s and 40s.
Hers something else I can tell you. A person grows up with parents having expectations for you, your friends, etc...and while their perceptions of how to live life work for them, you've only gone along with it cus you thought you had to, to be loved and accepted. However humans tend to make a radical change by time they get to their late 20s, like 28, 29 and early 30s. They drop the things that they've always done but just weren't for them, it isn't who they really felt they were inside and they embrace and accept the things which they feel better represent who they are at core. So by 30, if a persons behavior is still one where they have never questioned who they really are or try to improve on things in their personality, and drop the things that create conflict within themselves and make them generally an unhappy angry person, they will not change at all for the rest of their lives and remain this way. Think of it as becoming set in your ways if you don't seriously look at yourself and make needed changes before you get much farther than 31. I don't know your ages, but if younger, theres still a chance she could change. If at that age or past it, who you see is what you get with her and you can't expect that she will make radical changes later in life. I understand you have feelings of love and so I wanted you to know what you are up against. When dating, the reason is to learn as well as find what you like most and need most in a mate. I didn't know this stuff when I married at 20. Few people do at a young age. But we learn as we grow older if we are open to it as you and I are. Unless you plan on dating just to have company and for social reasons, then ultimately like most, you want to find a long term mate or perhaps a marriage partner someday. All the time dating many different people from first date until you find the one is a learning experience. Part of this is realizing that you need to find someone who already is exactly the kind of person you want to be with, not hoping they will change or you can change them later. This is why so many marriages break up. The wrong people married each other or beleived the other would improve someday. In my case, in 30 yrs there was no improvement, in fact it continually got worse. Any other woman would have left him long before me. In fact girlfriends after me havent lasted long with him leaving after a couple years at the most. The smart ones left him after a month at the most. So what you need to ask yourself is if you can be happy with her just exactly as she is right now, if she never changes but is like this the rest of her and your life.
You may answer as I did in my marriage, yes I can deal with it. Thats because I only looked at it as dealing with it on a day to day basis. Humans can take a lot and still carry on. But when I asked myself at almost 30 yrs if I could handle this another month, or so, I answered myself, yes but I won't like it. Can you handle this another 2 years? I hesitated and already felt agitated at imagining 2 more years of mistreatment. Well I could probably manage, as I've done so for so long already. But when I asked myself if I could handle this treatment with no improvement for another decade or two or until the day I die, I actually broke down crying, realizing that i didn't want to live the rest of my life on earth this way. You may have to ask yourself these questions, at a point when you are ready. Keep in mind that loving someone and being in love are two different things. We love a favorite flavor of icecream, we love a sport but this is the kind of love that can change, can tire of one thing and look for something new or different to try. You may not be spiritual or religious but there are some truths about love and a favorite one is what is written in a bible verse which I am pasting here for you;

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Take that description of love and ask yourself if she loves you. Is her love exactly as written here? You might compare yourself to this to see whether theres room for improvement although I give you kudos for making the changes you already have. That verse is not just bible mumble jumble.

I remarried to a wonderful man where we both are deeply in love. Now that I know what it feels like to truly love and be loved in return, I think in ending I will share how that verse compares to what I experience.
Love is patient and kind. Both off us are starting to lose a little hearing. We often have to ask the other to repeat themselves. sometimes after 4 times of trying to hear we both still don't understand the other. And yes it is frustrating. However we make a conscious choice to not rail out at the other or berate the other. Instead we use patience and kindness. We tell the other what we thought we heard and almost everytime it is so funny that both of us are rolling over in laughter. Love doesnt envy. Envy is wanting something the other has. So perhaps it is a character trait. I am very nurturing and patient. Instead of wishing he was the same and being upset cus my strengths don't make him look good in certain areas, and vice versa, we compliment each others strengths instead of envying, we don't boast of ourselves but we like to tell others about our mates strengths and refer each other to people who are asking for or needing a particular help. He is so proud of what I do here on advicenators and knows he could never do this. And I agree, some of the things about him that are great in our relationship would not transfer well to giving advice to strangers asking for it. Love is not proud. Talking of self pride here, not like a parent proud of a child in graduating HS. This pride means one feels they are better than and above anyone else, so they are already not working as a team. But for me, we both work as a team on lots of things. It takes two people putting in equal energy to make a relationship work. ONe can't point the finger and say its all the other persons fault. Love doesnt dishonor others. Sure you've heard of the term dissing, thats what we're talking about. We talk highly of each other, we don't try to bring each other down by constantly reminding each other of things we may have once said or done that we didn't like or agree with, and certainly we do not chew each other out ever unlike my ex who did this in front of family and friends horrifying them all that I was with him. There are right and wrong ways to bring up a discussion to tell someone of something that bothers you. My husband is a highly functioning Austistic. It doesn't mean he is without some issues that come and go depending on the day. Too much stimulation can cause him to feel actual pain. ONe day I can show love by stroking his shoulder or playing with his hair. Another it is painful. INstead of yelling ow that hurts or stop doing that, I don't like it. He does like it when it isn't affecting him that way. He honors the ways I show I love him by using gently tones to alert me that right at this moment is actually hurts but He knows I love him and as soon as he feels better, he will let me know and we can touch as much as we want. Theres always and right and wrong way to do things in relationships. Love keeps no record of wrongs. The ex kept reminding me daily of all the things he didn't like about me, anything I failed to remember. Unlike with current husband, anything we did that made things difficult for both of us by one forgetting something as we don't tend to do purposeful wrongful things to each other, we let that go. Its in the past and if what one forgot makes a situation scary, we still don't blame the other like his saying he'd always check oil and fluid levels in car cus its old and has had problems often in this area. He forgot and the car overheated the other day and he couldn't come pick me up at daughters place. They had to bring me home. We do not get angry with each other, we simply try harder to remind each other of things. We are starting to get older and more forgetful but when its simply that we are human and prone to forget or make a mistake we don't hold it against each other. Can you say that of your girlfriend? The rest is true for us but I won't continue to go on as I figure you get the picture by now. Even teens dating their first love can practice these things. They may not be as successful most the time and still make mistakes but as they learn, they improve and all their relationships get better, not just boy/girl relationships but relating to friends, family members, students teacher, co workers, etc. Everyone basically. There is no way I could answer your question the way you hoped because it isn't possible but hopefully all I've shared will shed some light and help you to either enjoy her with all her shortcomings but if anything is hurtful to you too often and causes stress to you, you may have to rethink your decision to be with her. I will say that after a long time of giving love but not being given love in return, the love I had for my ex was whittled away, till nothing was left. think of a savings account with a hundred dollars in it. Every month you take out 10 but never put anything back in. So in 10 months time, that acct is empty and you keep expecting to get money out of it, like people expect you to s till be in love with them, but without them making deposits of love into your life, it goes dry. I hope she decides to change before that happens to you. Otherwise, sometime in the future, you will realize you no longer love her and besides are suffering the mental or physical effects of stress. I became very ill while with the ex. I am now healthier than ever after leaving him. You will know by instinct and how you are treated whether you've got a great thing here or if it is time to move on. Sorry hon, but that is the best I can tell you.

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So I am writing a fantasy book in which several Egyptian teenagers (along with a couple non Egyptians) time travel to the ancient Egyptian empire. It is going to be in 16th century BC as the Egyptian empire peaked at that time (if I am wrong correct me) and I want to know what it would look like. The vast majority of time travelers are girls and they all speak Arabic and English, so I am wondering several things:
1) how would they be able to get around in a society in which they cannot speak the language and have no integration in it other than their Egyptian heritage
2) what would the world around them look like? For example, what other civilizations would be there, and which would they come into contact to? What was going on at this time period?
*note that this is a fantasy story, I understand if this was a real scenario in which several teenagers ended up in the ancient world they'd die quickly

I thank anyone who answers in advance as I know this is a difficult thing to answer.

As Razhie said, You are going to need to do a lot of research on your own. That is not a brush you off statement. I know because I have written a time travel fantasy where a man from early 1600s due to a fluke of nature, time travels to our current time from Wales. Later after he has married the girl who discovered and helped him acclimate to our time, they go on a honeymoon to Wales and while at an ancient site, are both transported back to his time but later than the time which he left. I did research on the computer for possible ancient sites both on east coast US and also in Wales to be more believable sites for the time travel to occur. When it came to ancient Wales, I was researching things like did they have coffee yet back then, were forks invented yet. For example, in that time, brides did not wear white gowns yet. It was only being done by royalty. I learned many things I did not know as I wrote my story and then realized, I had to research the next part before. His family had a farm in a town in ancient Wales. For the town I choose, a real town, I researched all their old photographs of what it looked like then vs today. I then placed the farm at a place where today a highway and a big round about are. I wrote of the places they visited. This book isn't published yet. I want to finish a sequel of the time travel adventures of their oldest son before I attempt to get self published. I kept lots of notes on whoat I discovered and choose to put in my story, even jotting down birthdays of characters, their ages difference due to the time difference in going back much later, coming up with geneology line to explain away a current day historian (made up) who is related to him. No one reading my story will find any discrepancies on birthdays, times or such. I got my mind confused and turned around often enough until I studied my notes. I kept a file separate from each chapter in the book that held all my notes and discoveries which I still refer back to quite often in writing the 2nd book.
Use enough real facts and things to make the story feel authentic, as if this time travel could have really happened. I even researched names and last names which were Patronymic at that time but starting to change. Good luck. Do the research though and keep good notes to yourself, even the websites you got the info or photos from so you can go back again if you need.

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Please excuse the hostile title of my question, but I am VERY angry right now. I want to warn you in advance that this writing might make me sound like a truly terrible person, but like I said, I'm extremely angry and fed up at the moment with my parents and my situation.

My parents have one of the worst marriages I've personally ever seen in my life. I don't understand why they ever got married in the first place or why they have stayed married for as long as they have. It's against our religion for them to get divorced, but there are many times that I feel like they, and the rest of our family, would be better off if they got separated or something. I don't think that's against their beliefs.

If I had to tell you everything wrong with their marriage, I'd be writing all night. There are numerous ways that my parents marriage sucks, but basically, they're distant, secretive, rude, verbally abusive, and vindictive. They spend entirely too much time apart, they leave each other out of things they do with their friends that they should do together, they keep secrets from each other, they call each other names that I've never called my worst enemy, and they do things just to make each other angry. Their marriage is constantly getting worse instead of better because when one of them gets angry at the other, instead of talking about it like normal people, they just get revenge on each other.

My parents scared me out of ever wanting to get married. I know they don't have a normal marriage and I know it's possible to get married and be extremely happy with your spouse, but even so, I just never could get up the guts to bite the bullet and commit my life to another person PERMANENTLY not knowing for certain what our marriage would look like one day. I am a Christian like my parents and if I did get married, I couldn't run to get divorced as quickly as some people do. I could get separated, but only if I was desperate and my husband and I would still be joined together legally. Also, the fact that I grew up watching my parents dysfunctional marriage and have never really, closely seen what a good marriage looks like kept me from having confidence in myself to know how to be a good wife and make a marriage work.

I always wanted a family, but when I kept chickening out of marriage, I decided just to have kids on my own using both IVF and adoption. I now have a large family that I'm raising by myself and I'm extremely happy with my life choices most of the time. But on occasion, I do feel sad that I don't have a husband and my kids don't have a dad. They have father figures, but not a legit dad in their lives. I feel bad about that, especially for the boys, but what can I do now? Who wants to marry a single mother raised in a dysfunctional family who doesn't even know what a healthy marriage looks like. Even if someone did, there's not a counselor in the world that could assuage my fears about marriage.

The reason I came here is that my parents are constantly putting me in the middle of their arguments and I get SICK OF IT!!! It's not FAIR!!! They get mad at each other for things I have nothing to do with and they make me take sides, help get revenge on each other, and bad mouth each other to other people. It SUCKS!!!

While I deeply love both of my parents, despite their flaws, and have a very close relationship with my Mother, my relationship with my dad hasn't been good since I was twelve. We've been very distant and we both hate that. We try to work on it, but every time we seem to be getting closer, something happens and our relationship goes straight to hell again.

So over the past six or seven months, my parents have been working on remodeling their house. The first thing they did was remodel the bathroom my sister and I used to share. They took out that bathtub that used to be in it and put in a shower in it's place. I use that shower when I can because it's by far the nicest and one of the most spacious showers I've ever used.

Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was using that shower and when I opened one of the two glass sliding doors, said door fell and shattered. It apparently wasn't put on right. Both of my hands were badly cut up. I had a cut in my finger on my right hand that went all the way down to the bone and the glass took two big chunks of skin out of my left hand that required stitches. I had a cut on my foot and one my left arm that was DIRECTLY OVER all of the veins and arteries in that arm that can kill you if you cut them open. The whole thing scared me to death. I was very sore for over a week and although I've been feeling better and healing fast, I temporarily lost some of the feeling in the finger that was cut all the way down to the bone and I fear I might be anemic from the blood loss. That probably sounds a little dramatic, but I lost a lot of blood, more than you'd think, and I was also on my menstrual cycle at the time. I've been having symptoms of anemia since then.

I was afraid my dad was going to be angry about what happened. I was scared he was gonna scold me and make me buy a new door. I was a little scared that he would even ban me from his and my mom's house. Instead, he was nothing but worried and sympathetic towards me. He wanted to look at my hands and arm, he asked me how bad the whole thing scared me, he gave me a couple very big hugs. He couldn't have cared less about the door. It was the closest I'd felt to him in a long time. It was one of the rare moments when my dad shows me how much I mean to him and it meant a lot to me.

We've been tight since then, but tonight, my mom almost screwed the all of that up. You see, on Saturday, I wanted to take my kids to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie and my mom said that she'd like to come. I found out that she told a lie to keep my dad from knowing where we were going out of fear that he'd come along if he knew. My dad has since found out where we went and that we'd left him out of something he'd have probably enjoyed and I feel bad about that. I didn't know my mom was going to lie to him like that. I should've invited him myself, but I didn't realize how much he'd have wanted to come. I didn't think he'd like the movie. Even as an adult, I loved it, but it is still a kids' movie and a musical, so I assumed my dad wouldn't want to come, but apparently he would and now I feel like sh!t.

That incident with the shower door happened two weeks ago and today was the third time that my dad had promised to go to the closest home depot an hour away and get a new shower door. He didn't do so and my mom wanted me to confront him and be a b!tch to him thinking that he'd get it done faster if I did. Thing is, my dad and I have been getting along great lately and after the whole thing with the movie, I was scared that he already wasn't happy with me. If I went and was an @as hole to him about the shower door, then he might explode on me and our whole relationship would go south again. Especially since I was the one who broke the door.

I went to politely ask him about the door, but when he was really sweet to me and we talked for a minute, leading me to realize that he wasn't angry with me, I lost my nerve to say anything that could anger him. My mom kept pushing me though so eventually I mentioned it to him, but it didn't help much. He was perfectly sweet about it, but didn't sound like he had gone to indeed home depot and I failed to light a fire under him like my mom wanted me to. This is not a good example of one of my parents putting me in the middle of an argument, but it's what prompted me to come here.

My mom is furious with me for not standing up to my dad and telling him off about the door like she wanted me to. She brought up the times I have stood up to my dad when it was for myself and accused me of not caring enough to do it for her. I explained to her that the rare times I've had the backbone to stand up to my dad, it was because he provoked me to do so, but he didn't provoke me today. I also explained that even if I had more of a backbone, my dad didn't deserve to be berated for the door today. Yes, he should've gotten it like he promised my mom, but he had a pretty busy day and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anyway. There's another shower and a bathtub in the house. My mom does like to use the new shower, but not often it's not like it's the only place in the house to bathe.

This is what I'm sick of. My choices tonight were to either be a jerk to my dad and ruin how well we've been getting along lately or to not be a jerk to my dad and make my mom mad at me. My parents do this to me all the time. They put me in the middle and make it so I can't possibly get out of the situation without making at least one of the mad at me. My mom acknowledges that she puts me in this position. She says flat out that I have to choose between her being mad or my dad being mad at me. I've tried to tell them that I'm not getting in the middle of anything, but that tends to make BOTH of them mad me.

It's really not fair because I have done nothing to get myself in these situations. I didn't cause my parents to have such a disaster of a marriage, I don't cause their arguments, I don't cause myself to be put in the middle of their arguments. I have no options. It's either p!ss my mom off or p!ss my dad off. Their are no other options.

The only other thing I can think of that I could do is to stop being around my parents, but that is not an option. I love both of my parents very much and could never alienate them from my life.

Super sorry this has been such a long writing, but I just wanted you to know everything you might need to know about the situation. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi hon, I do understand what you say about divorce being against their religion. I come from a church life and was unhappily married 30 yrs to a man who was verbally abusive, and at the very end began shoving and pushing me. Early on, I believed what church leader ship stressed, that divorce is not an option. I watched couples in church divorce and in one case, swap partners and remarry. All of these people left the church because they were ostracized, or call it shunned or rejected from the church, even though if Jesus were there in person form, he'd be the only one loving and accepting of these people. So I suffered in marriage. The stress of how I was treated affected me physcially. I had all sorts of stress related illnesses. In the end, God spoke to me and told me I had a choice, to continue to stay with him and die within 4 years due to the stress from heart attack, or to leave before then. I wanted to be around to see my daughters marry and for grandchildren. God explained that Marriage is not until death do you part because partners in a marriage who stop loving, honoring and cherishing each other and treating each other like trash have broken their vows a long time ago. In my case, I had been honoring mine but the husband had not honored his vows to me. In Gods eyes, that canceled the marriage. It was a cancelled marriage long before I came around to believing it. I kept being told to trust God to heal my marriage.

When I threw that at God, He explained that in all cases, he can not 'heal a marriage' because if any one person is exercising the 'free will' God gave them, He would have to take away their free will to force them to change into a loving person when in fact they were not. That is not how God operates. I want you to know this not only to understand that your parents marriage was over a long time ago and what they believe causes them to live a false sham of a marriage, for what reason, i don't know, maybe afraid of any personal change for the better? Humans do not really feel comfortable with any kind of change. In that we are much like the Hobbits in the book who just want their Hobbit hole and nothing else. I agree with adviceman that you need to say what he posted.
It sounded like you and your adopted kids are living with them. The only way to not be so miserable,if you find you can't stand up to them and keep neutral, would be to find a place of your own where you are now out of reach. They would have to call you or come knocking at your door. It is not a dishonorable way to treat the parents by standing up for yourself, especially if they are not treating you in God like manner. So in a call, if complaints start, you talk over the parent and state, if you called only to complain, I have told you I am neutral now and I do not want to hear about this, try praying to God and figuring it out yourself. If you don't stop, I'll be forced to hang up. If they don't stop. Hang up. If they call again, the first thing you say is, since you are unable to honor my wishes, I am forced now to change my phone number and will not be giving the new one to you....ever. If they come to your door, you let them know they are welcome only if the visit can be pleasant. The moment they mention their marriage, issues in the home or try to get you to take sides, that you will ask them to leave and if they do not, then you will call police to have them forcibly removed. I know this sounds like an odd way to talk to parents, but your parents are acting more like bratty, non christian children, than mentally healthy God loving and God following adults. If you are not convinced yet that it is okay to stand up to them and state your boundaries and limits, even if you choose to stay there, then here this: Another thing God told me about my situation is that the reason I had this life of being married to an abusive man, even told I prayed to God about marrying him and God did say okay, was for the reason that I needed to learn to love myself enough to remove myself from situations in life that were bad for me. If it wasn't him, it would have been another guy who may have been even worse. It took 30 years to leave him as I was believing that,'til death do us part' and God would heal the marriage until God finally told me otherwise. I had always believed that I loved myself so it was a shock to hear God tell me that I didn't, at least not 100% which is the goal. I did for the most part. But as you know, that doesn't count in many things, you can't be partway pregnant, or half way a Christian for example. I finally understood what God was telling me, that He loved me enough to want to see me learn to love myself because the verse about loving your neighbor as yourself, is not about learning to love your neighbor first, and loving yourself as an after thought, but that I had to truly love myself enough to put an end to how I was being treated. I did not hate the man, I was actually thankful that it was him who helped provide the pressure and misery that helped me to grow more like God as it could have been a man who also beat me and all the kids. So was I scared to move on and finally find a mate later in life? NO, because I think my mind was seeing this clearly now and I was loving myself, I had no fear that anyone in the future could pull the wool over my eyes. I'd be able to spot the wolves in sheeps clothing as soon as I met them. Or by the 2nd 3rd date as it went. I also realized that since I had learned my lesson successfully to love myself, that God had no reason for me to ever be with people who treated me this way so I would not be forced to have to put up with it ever again. Then God asked me to write a list of what qualities I wanted in a guy, the must haves/deal breakers if not present, and the fun but not necessary things that I had a preferance for like knowing I liked guys with longer hair, because He wanted me to see that He could bring that person to me. And bring him, God did. The man I met and married didn't live in my state. He got divorced and the teen daughter didn't want to stay with Mom cus mom had lots of issues. So he decided he wanted somewhere reported to be more his ideal climate and traveled to the west coast, settling in a city just 45 min north of me. He'd only been there a year or two before he found me on a dating site and wrote to me. What I am saying is that once you learn what it is you are meant to learn, your lesson is over and won't need to be repeated. If I were you, I'd be asking God what it is you need to do, even if you don't hear exact words back as I do, he can answer by giving you a flood of peace to your heart and in your soul, or he may use another believer to deliver a word to you. You know, a person who doesnt know you well, comes up and says, I am supposed to tell you this but I don't know why, I hope it makes sense to you. Just as I was given the first husband I had for a reason, perhaps you were given the dysfunctional parents you have for a reason. Allow God to be a part of showing you the path to take from this point on, how you act, how you talk to the parents, setting your boundaries, giving ultimatums from a kind and loving heart,, not with anger (as you realize they are in your life to bring about change for the better in you, even if they themselves do not change for the better until perhaps their death bed) and gaining the back bone to stand with your boundaries and ultimatums. I hope this brings some clarity to your situation and that what I've shared, long as it is, gives you lots to think about as to what needs to happen. Blessings to you. And I'd like to hear back from you someday to hear how its going. If you do, mention a bit of your story in a sentence to clue me in as to which person it was I answered.

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I'm stuck in a terrible situation and I guess I'd just like some perspective...

I am in love with a coworker. We work great together and we have an amazing time when he's actually present. And he's an amazing, funny, kind, person. The problem is that he's in love with this other girl....

And she doesnt like him like that, but hes convinced he can get her.

By the way he knows I like him, he says that he likes me too but that since we work together we shouldnt mix business with pleasure etc which to me is a complete excuse. I know its because he might think im awesome but he doesnt like me like that. I understand that. He is in love with this other girl. Its a viicous cycle.

Anyway, my problem here and my question is, whenever this girl writes him, which she does quite often, he dissapears into his phone. And i know when she does bcause he starts texting all oblivious of anything going on in the office and smiling like an idiot. And ignoring me. Were partners we work on projects together so were together most of the day.

My problem is not that he texts her its that whenever he does he ignores anything and everything i say, and i hate seeing it it bothers me.

how can istop feeling this?

I think you can answer your own question in a way.Let turn the tables and say that instead of him, you were work partners with a guy you like as a person but you have no feelings of romance for him. What could this guy do to make you desire him, despite the fact that his and your chemistry do not match or come close. Would buying you flowers make you fall in love with a guy you have absolutely no feelings for? How about if this guy called or texted you alot away from work? Would an act like that do magic and all of a sudden make you love him even though before he did that, you did not have any feelings for him? I will bet you are realizing by now that this is one thing of nature that no person can change. If by chance any two people did get together who did not have this chemistry together, a chemistry where both are attracted romantically to each other, then the relationship wouldn't last long, it would eventually fall apart with one leaving the other or both deciding to end it.
Not everyone is going to be attracted to you and you are not going to be attracted to every living male on the planet. If that were so, we'd have no trouble finding a mate as any Tom, Dick or Harry will do. If someone ever found a way to make a person love you who doesn't currently, a love that will last, then that person would be the richest person that ever lived on this planet.
Once you realize that there is nothing you can change here, then every time you think of him that way, remind yourself to stop thinking of him that way because he doesn't feel the attraction in return. I know it sucks. Heck I have gone out twice with guys who looked like a male model just stepping out the page of a magazine. And they thought I was as good looking too. But beyond looks, we both realized there was no attraction. So even if a person has great looks, great character, nice and kind, etc... without that certain chemistry, and I believe it is pheremones that make up chemistry, all the rest doesn't matter.
I dated alot after a divorce. I can tell you in a really good way the difference in a kiss from a man with this pheremone connection and one without. The one with it, its a heavenly kiss, passionate, making you want more, the one without, is like receiving a romantic kiss from your Dad or brother, you just want to wipe it off your lips it feels so wrong. Younger people do not always know this. Adults who've been around long enough are more likely to understand this although not all still do. Luckily for me, less than half the guys could feel no connection already at a first time coffee date meet up and they told me so and I said I felt the same way. But there were still the guys I felt no connection with who kept asking 'are you sure because I feel something for you, cant you feel it? These guys were in your position, thinking that because they felt something, it should work. Well, as I explained before, it wouldnt work for long. The fascination with such a person wears off in a few weeks of dating to a couple of months and then it hurts someone, you or him and so hurt is unavoidable. The thing is to learn as early on whether another person has the same attraction and feelings for you as you do for him. This can help a person not allow their thoughts to dwell so much on that person, using their imagination to jump ahead of the situation and imagine a relationship together. Yes, many people do that and then find it hurts when the other isn't interested that way. The thing to realize is that by allowing yourself to entertain such thoughts of the person, your mind tricks your emotions into feeling the actual feelings of love and then also jealousy. If you can deal with all this in your mind, over time, the feelings will grow less and less and hopefully it will no longer bother you to see him interested in someone else. Unfortunately, he hasn't learned what I am telling you either, he is chasing a girl who perhaps thinks of him as only a male friend with no romantic attraction to him so he can never really convince her. Perhaps she can be fooled for a little while, but even if she deigned to date him, it would be over as soon as it started, most likely with her realizing in a short while that it was a mistake.

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