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Do I have a problem dating older men?
Hi, I'm a 29 year old woman and I'm finally starting to face the fact that I may have a serious problem when it comes to my love life. However, sometimes I blow things out of proportion, so I just want to know how you all feel.
The problem is that my entire life, I have almost exclusively had romantic feelings for older men (almost is the key word though). I've never dated one, but I've had bad crushed on a lot of guys old enough to be my father. Most aren't quite that old, but older than any man I'd be willing to marry, such as 10 to 15 years older. This is the way it's always been. As a teenager, I was simply never attracted to any guys my own age.
Now that I'm an adult, it's getting better. I've always been attracted to grown men, but now that I'm a grown woman, that's not as much of a problem anymore. But it's still a bit of a problem, because I was born in the late 80's and most of my crushes were born in the 60's to early 70's and some even in the 50's (I'm not proud of this). I've never been able to act on any of these crushes because I do not want to date anyone more than 10 years older than myself.
But now I'm thrilled that I FINALLY have feelings for two different guys close to my age. I have two simultaneous crushes on a guy named Dan and a guy named Nick. I am currently 29 and I'll be 30 in September. Dan is 34 and Nick is almost 37 they're still older, but in a few months, we'll all be in our thirties and we were all born in the 80's. It feels great to finally have choices for boyfriends who aren't so much older than I am. So good that I don't wanna go back to the way things used to be, but if things don't work out with Dan OR Nick, I can't promise that they won't and that scares me.
What are your thoughts? Is this the huge problem I've made it out to be or are there other people with this issue?
Is there a reason this might have been a problem for me? Is there a way I can control my feelings? If things don't work out with Dan or Nick, Then, I really want to try to stay in my own decade when it comes to dating, but does anyone know a way I can help myself to do that?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are turning 30, a time when a few years before or after that age, a person is ready to learn who they really are, and drop the expectations others had for them like friends, parents, society and at this time, a person will follow their own path, decide what is right for them regardless of what the 'so called norm' of society is. Just because you don't see many couples with wide age ranges doesn't mean it can't work or doesn't exist. Advice man stated the basic reasons a gal may go after an older man. There are also males who when young are not interested in their female counterparts as they are too young, immature for him and do not know what they want out of life, they are attracted to self confidence and so it is the older woman that a younger man finds attractive. And sometimes, there just is a preferance for someone older, you don't know why because not many of us look that closely at ourselves, when its a good idea to try to look at what we need and want before we go looking for a partner. This makes it easier. If you are not concerned about having a child of your own, then older men are no issue, espeically if they are looking for love and a wife and not a young play thing to make them feel younger if in midlife crisis. If the man is old enough he doesnt want to start a family or if he has young or grown children, those are things you will want to take into consideration, otherwise, there should be no problem with dating an older man. Make sure it is something you want to do as you are really are right now is likely who you will be for the rest of your life with few big changes. This may be the last big change you make. You need to feel sure and not care what others think. Do not date Dan or NIck if you are only doing it to prove you can date in your age range.
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Reasons young people prefer older people are; they are more stable, more settled and more experienced in the ways of the world including sexually. They are more stable in their jobs; they have started to acquire the things in life that makes life good. They are generally more financially stable. They have sown their wild oats and made the mistakes of youth. They know what they want and how to get it.
The people that look for older people to make a life with are generally more mature than their counterparts; more mature and better educated as well. While education is a good thing it can also ruin a marriage if the couple’s educational backgrounds are not equal. The better educated partner tends to outgrow the lesser educated partner and the lesser educated partner feels lost around the new friends of the better educated partner. In an older person you are more likely to find a person of your educational equal that also has the stability and experiences you are looking for.
The last two paragraphs are more or less psychology 101’s view. The other view is no one can predict where the heart will take us and who it will fall in love with. Society still places a stigmatism on May December marriages, mainly on young men marrying older women. Frankly my dear who gives a damn; it is your happiness that counts and the heck with what anyone says.
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The massive amount of self hate in the post makes me angry and sad :(
Why is it so wrong to date someone 10 years older? One of my friends is 25 and she is moving in with her boyfriend. he a slightly over 50. She is not gold digging, he makes average money. She is good looking a could date younger men if she wanted but the loves him and they get along.
People have different tastes. If you like older men then date older men. There and plenty of older guys that would love a girl like you.
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