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Stuck in a love triangle....
I'm stuck in a terrible situation and I guess I'd just like some perspective...
I am in love with a coworker. We work great together and we have an amazing time when he's actually present. And he's an amazing, funny, kind, person. The problem is that he's in love with this other girl....
And she doesnt like him like that, but hes convinced he can get her.
By the way he knows I like him, he says that he likes me too but that since we work together we shouldnt mix business with pleasure etc which to me is a complete excuse. I know its because he might think im awesome but he doesnt like me like that. I understand that. He is in love with this other girl. Its a viicous cycle.
Anyway, my problem here and my question is, whenever this girl writes him, which she does quite often, he dissapears into his phone. And i know when she does bcause he starts texting all oblivious of anything going on in the office and smiling like an idiot. And ignoring me. Were partners we work on projects together so were together most of the day.
My problem is not that he texts her its that whenever he does he ignores anything and everything i say, and i hate seeing it it bothers me.
how can istop feeling this?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know how you feel I have been there myself in my younger days. When I was still living at home my mother told me It wasn't me that was missing out on anything it was she that was missing out on finding out what a great guy I was. At the time I felt that was just mom talking. Today I know better after 46 years of marriage to a wonderful woman.
So my first suggestion is to take my mother’s advice and while I know it is hard to sit there and in a manner of speaking pine over him. It's not your loss it's his. By ignoring you he is not finding out what a great person you are.
The only other suggestion I could make is if it is really that hard to be in the same office with him then you might consider looking for other employment. The job market has really opened up in the last year and you may find a better job with better pay and benefits.
For now though having the right attitude will help you get through the day. Remember it’s his loss and that you're a great gal that he is missing out on knowing. Take that attitude and wear it proudly. You never know what might happen.
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I think you can answer your own question in a way.Let turn the tables and say that instead of him, you were work partners with a guy you like as a person but you have no feelings of romance for him. What could this guy do to make you desire him, despite the fact that his and your chemistry do not match or come close. Would buying you flowers make you fall in love with a guy you have absolutely no feelings for? How about if this guy called or texted you alot away from work? Would an act like that do magic and all of a sudden make you love him even though before he did that, you did not have any feelings for him? I will bet you are realizing by now that this is one thing of nature that no person can change. If by chance any two people did get together who did not have this chemistry together, a chemistry where both are attracted romantically to each other, then the relationship wouldn't last long, it would eventually fall apart with one leaving the other or both deciding to end it.
Not everyone is going to be attracted to you and you are not going to be attracted to every living male on the planet. If that were so, we'd have no trouble finding a mate as any Tom, Dick or Harry will do. If someone ever found a way to make a person love you who doesn't currently, a love that will last, then that person would be the richest person that ever lived on this planet.
Once you realize that there is nothing you can change here, then every time you think of him that way, remind yourself to stop thinking of him that way because he doesn't feel the attraction in return. I know it sucks. Heck I have gone out twice with guys who looked like a male model just stepping out the page of a magazine. And they thought I was as good looking too. But beyond looks, we both realized there was no attraction. So even if a person has great looks, great character, nice and kind, etc... without that certain chemistry, and I believe it is pheremones that make up chemistry, all the rest doesn't matter.
I dated alot after a divorce. I can tell you in a really good way the difference in a kiss from a man with this pheremone connection and one without. The one with it, its a heavenly kiss, passionate, making you want more, the one without, is like receiving a romantic kiss from your Dad or brother, you just want to wipe it off your lips it feels so wrong. Younger people do not always know this. Adults who've been around long enough are more likely to understand this although not all still do. Luckily for me, less than half the guys could feel no connection already at a first time coffee date meet up and they told me so and I said I felt the same way. But there were still the guys I felt no connection with who kept asking 'are you sure because I feel something for you, cant you feel it? These guys were in your position, thinking that because they felt something, it should work. Well, as I explained before, it wouldnt work for long. The fascination with such a person wears off in a few weeks of dating to a couple of months and then it hurts someone, you or him and so hurt is unavoidable. The thing is to learn as early on whether another person has the same attraction and feelings for you as you do for him. This can help a person not allow their thoughts to dwell so much on that person, using their imagination to jump ahead of the situation and imagine a relationship together. Yes, many people do that and then find it hurts when the other isn't interested that way. The thing to realize is that by allowing yourself to entertain such thoughts of the person, your mind tricks your emotions into feeling the actual feelings of love and then also jealousy. If you can deal with all this in your mind, over time, the feelings will grow less and less and hopefully it will no longer bother you to see him interested in someone else. Unfortunately, he hasn't learned what I am telling you either, he is chasing a girl who perhaps thinks of him as only a male friend with no romantic attraction to him so he can never really convince her. Perhaps she can be fooled for a little while, but even if she deigned to date him, it would be over as soon as it started, most likely with her realizing in a short while that it was a mistake.
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well i know it is hard, but may want move on slowly. take steps to, like put away reminders know he is missing out and you can distance yourself from him and tell him why. don't want depress emfi does care about you, but give yourself time to heal from heartache. and on him liking another girl is a big red flag. he is not gonna change any time soon, so best for you try find someone else to give your heart to which is hard i know.
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