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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I feel like I am in a crisis now. I recently had to leave several people I love very dearly to come home and I am living with my mom who I have no emotional relationship with. These people were my emotional lifeline while at school and in life including one teacher in particular who really cared about me and I came to depend on her emotionally and on our regular meetings. Every time I think about these people I sob. My life feels aimless. I feel like I am not here. Their love was what I lived for and now I don't feel it anywhere. I feel like my body is here but nothing else. I am doing things and in a summer program in (commuting daily to NYC) which I am working on things I'm passionate about, but I don't feel fully here. Last night my mom and I had a fight and it brought back all this pain and I started to feel suicidal. I am so depressed and feel so lost. Leaving the house for anything at all gives me anxiety. I have no one to talk to or sit with or hug. Why do I even exist? The emotions I have inside feel massive. If I try to fully release them it will be too big and too much for the people around me to handle (especially my mom).

I don't understand why when there is the social media that exists that you can't stay in touch and get that support you want thru lets say Facebook or emails and best of all Skype where you can see their faces. I know its 2nd best because you can't get the hugs that way, but 2nd best is better than non at all. I will pray that you will also find new emotional support people where you are now.

I tend to be intuitive at times and with your message, thoughts are being dropped into my mind and I feel urged to share. So this could be totally off but I'll be brave and share.

I got the impression that You just might be an Empath, a highly sensitive person. Not saying this is a bad thing. I tend to call this the touchy-feely type. My husband is like that, and one sister is like that. She has called me for emotional support when for example she had a fight on the phone with another sister and the first thing i hear is her crying as I answer. I will post an article that goes into detail on what I'd rather not write pages of myself but it is important for you to read and decide if this is a possibility for you. When you said you felt depressed and anxious from the fight with Mom, thats when I heard the thought in my head to share this with you. I have not ever done this with anyone else who has written with similar situations to yours so I do feel this strongly and always try to follow my hunches. Please read the aritcle I will post several times over. Do not dismiss it because parts of it don't feel like they apply. Get familiar with the signs of what an empath is. YOu may not have been aware before, but once you've read this piece, I hope you would start looking for how you feel when around people who are sad, anxious, depressed or some other such thing. It is true that an empath who doesnt know they are one, can and will soak up like a sponge, take on all the negative things out there in the world and it can truly floor you and make it so hard to enjoy your life. If you start to see some correlation to the timing and situations you are in when you feel the most distressed, you might be Empathic. Fortunately, there are those who've gone before you who have studied this subject and there are ways you can guard yourself from not automatically or subconsciously picking up every negative thing in the world around you. Even if there is some kind of abuse or negative experiences in your past, yes, those can be part of whats hurting you now but the article also mentions that empathic people 'are vulnerable to emotional abusers who want to use and manipulate them.' So please read and let me know what you think or even write later and let me know if you noticed some of the signs that apply to you.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/08/self-improvement/empath-traits-of-highly-sensitive-person

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I am actually confused when it comes to sunscreen. I prefer the spray on kind. I know SPF stands for the protection rate but not how high an SPF I need on the bottle. I also don't know how to figure out how often to apply it before I scorch inadvertently.

My situation is that of having to be in direct sunlight and heat for over 2 hrs over course of three days often seated. What's the best SPF and duration before reapplying for me? Thanks.

Sunscreen can easily come off when our body sweats in the sun, so its not just going in the water that washes it off. So keep in mind to get the kind that is meant for sports or to wear in water as that one will stay put better even if you don't go in water.

Now here is a link to a blog that demystifies all about SPF's and how to figure out how much an SPF screens UV rays and how to translate an SPF number into how long it lasts before needing a reapplication.

http://drwillard.com/blog/2015/07/spf-demystified/

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I am a mother of 4 and grandmother of 8. My eldest daughter C has been battling cancer the past 2 years she has now fallen terminally ill and is only expected another week or two. Her 3 children will soon need a new home the my eldest granddaughter from C has a different biological father from her other siblings when her mother passes it is likely she will be sent to live with him even though he has not been a part of her life and she doesn't know him. The bio father of my other two grand babies passed in Afghanistan in 09 shortly after the youngest was born. What can I do to insure that all of my grandbabies come to me mostly the eldest as she has a father that never wanted her. Please help me not worry as much in this very tough time
Sincerely concerned grandmother

If you need another vote for seeing a lawyer immediately, do so. If they want to schedule an appt later, tell the lawyer of your time sensitive situation and ask to be seen that day. I am sure that with the situation as it is, that someone will see you immediately. Good luck.

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OK, been friends for half a year. Really cool lad. Helps me with a projects time to time. However, he has a gf and I have a bf. Recently, he went away for a few weeks and hadn't seen me for a while but when he saw me after few weeks, he asks did you miss me? I said, everyday, he laughed and called me liar. Also, asked me if I wanted to go for a drink afterwards I said yeah ok. We've been out for a drink twice only for few hours as he says you're my friend. We hugged and kissed on the cheek after the drinks and said goodnight. To me, I'm just thinking he might fancy me slightly bit even though he keeps says we're best of friends. When I jokingly tell him you do like me don't you, he replies yes with a flirty smile. So guys, why would he ask if i want to go for a drink and did you miss me stuff?? Nothing's happened but he does say he likes a space sometimes away from her gf and all but not in a nasty way but in a normal way, I told him, I'm exactly like you. So, Please help! Are we in the wrong and not allowed to feel like this or what?? Thankyou for the answers.

Question should be whether you like him in that romantic bf/gf way. Right now the status is friends and I don't know his mind. Maybe he does like you as more than friends. But his answer that yes he likes you could too easily mean he likes you as his friend. There are different kinds of 'liking' someone. We use that word too often and then get misleading answers back. So instead of do you like me, the question if you are interested in him as more than a friend should be, "Are you interested in me as just a friend or maybe as more than a friend. I am not sure because some things you say, I interpret as flirting."

Also, there is flirting just for fun and for serious cus the person is romantically interested.
Flirting for fun applies to everyone, married or not, single or dating. Some do so simply to keep up their skills in flirting and others cus its so fun, even if not serious about the person you are flirting with. When it is good close friends of the opposite sex, it is safer to flirt with them and not be mistaken for being serious. He couldn't really do this with a strange lady who doesn't know him as she might think he was hitting on her.
So you can't even trust the flirting.
It is also possible to be in relationship with someone but then someone else comes along whom you finally realize you have better rapport with and more in common than the person you are currently with. Even if they may not be interested in return, this should be a sign to you that perhaps the person you are with is not right for you. Its best to choose a dating partner with the future in mind. Is this someone you can see yourself with the rest of your life? Is this the type of person who isn't afraid of that kind of commitment?

I interpret the following as just friendly, for fun flirting "he asks did you miss me? I said, everyday, he laughed and called me liar."

In fun flirting back, if a male friend said that, I'd retort back, "Yes, Liar liar pants on fire. Wouldn't you just love it if my pants burnt off. Oh what an eyeful you'd get then." and laugh back.

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I have a fairly recent IPad Air 2 and the default Safari browser that I often use here. I always update to the latest version of all software for browsers and machine, I have found lately that when I click on a question I either want to answer or read that it goes to the corresponding link but I'm getting a blank grey box, no text or ability to see and or do anything such as answer. What can I try? It's also only half the time displaying correct and half not.

I would suggest that you write directly to Dangernerd on this site. He is the one I know for sure answers these types of questions. Good luck.

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I'm into a long distance relationship, and I celebrated my birthday in the month of May.. my boyfriend schools in another state, so all he did was to call me and wish me well,he also said he was starting exam that day so he couldn't come over for the weekend that was all.. His best friend celebrated her birthday this month June, he called me and told me few days to her birthday that he was traveling to meet her(cos she schools in another state also).. He went over because of her and uploaded over 50 of her pictures.. I feel uncomfortable and angry,cs none of my picture was posted, neither was I even acknowledged and I dnt knw what to do anymore.. what is going on??

My guess is that he isn't as into you as you think. When it comes to relationships, in my opinion, the long distance ones are the hardest. There are too many things that can go wrong. I won't go into all that unless you are curious and ask. What I will say is if this was a face to face (in the flesh) relationship rather than over the net, then ignoring your birthday as his supposed girlfriend but traveling to celebrate birthday of a female friend is a very bad sign. I know most of this test I will post to know whether a guy loves you won't count for you because this is long distance and that is one reason why the test doesn't apply but it does state that if a guy can't make you one of his top 3 priorities in life, then he probably doesn't love you. People can say they love without it ever being true. Don't look for just the words but the actions to prove whether a guy loves you. So heres the test.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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Now that you've read this all, I think you'll see why this can't apply at all to a LDR.
But this is all valid criteria for a woman to know if a man really loves her or not. This supports then the need to have an 'in person' relationship rather than one on line. On line, you will never know if he's proud to show you off, or will take you to meet his folks.You also can't use your family and friends to gauge how they feel about how he treats you because he's not there in front of them with you to witness how he treats you. As for point #7, kind of hard to see him look at you with lust in his eyes or try to take peeks down your shirt. This is important cus it shoes he is still interested. My husband still does, all the time but is very discreet and mindful in public to not do so if anyone else is around so I am not embarassed when it goes beyond just looking to touching with love pats. If he were here in person, I'd have to say, you're better off moving on. Since he is far away, theres no way to know whats going on and just cus he didn't have to study and had the time to visit someone else does not make up for ignoring you. You can choose to stay and continue to feel like a door mat or leave and find a really good man, one that meets all the criteria.

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So, me and my mother were gonna go to the local shopping center to get some equipment for my summer sport. Well, we were also gonna get me a teething ring. I constantly grind and chomp down on my teeth, it's a habit that I can't put down. I read somewhere that chewing on a teething ring sometimes helped them, so I decided to give it a shot. Me and my mom were listing what we needed and I added my teething ring. She suddenly went all ape shit and was saying in a loud voice how I don't need one and I should just stop thus habit because I apparently suddenly have the ability to stop an addictive habit. I said to her that if I can suddenly do that, then she can suddenly stop smoking. Do now she is yelling at me at the top of her lungs, outside where all the people can hear. I told her in not going and went inside to lock myself in my room. She then comes in and starts screaming at me to get out of there and shoo with her, and there's no way in hell I'm doing that! I deliberately hide my shoes so I'm looking for them and she has to wait. After about 10 minutes of my "searching" she finally has enough and goes to leave. While she's put the door she tells me to lose my attitude and I say only if she's gonna do it first. I'm in my room at this point with the door locked again. She comes running up to my door and starts banging on it. We live in an apartment, we can't do stuff like that. We have to keep the noise to a minimum. I know I'm in the wrong somewhat, but is it all my fault?

First, Your mom doesn't understand habits and telling you to just stop your grinding habit while it doesn't apply to her bad habit means she is doing the "Do as I say, not as I do". Whether a parent or a boss or anyone else in charge over a person, it is not fair to demand something of a person they are not willing to do themselves. A person should lead by example. So I can understand you being frustrated with her. She is not treating you fairly as her child. While you may not yet be an adult, she should be treating you like an adult, allowing you to make decisions for yourself with her guidance and support and encouragement. Also, no one likes being ridiculed or chastised in public whether deserved or not and it is just plain wrong. I had an abusive ex who did that with me in front of my family and friends all the time. I am going somewhere with this to make a point to help you so here is a real story from my life.

I remember my teen daughter come home crying when dad was out with a friend and took the teen kids along so they could go out to eat. He decided on a Soup type restaurant without considering what anyone else wanted, including his friend. When she nicely asked if they could stop either before or after to get her a subway sandwich, he blew up at her calling her unreasonable when he was being the one unreasonable and unthinking and of course embarassing her in front of his friend. When they got home and she hadn't eaten at all, she came to me bursting in tears and my neighbor friend was over at the time. She heard my daughters story and the look on her face was of being horrified at how Dad treated his daughter. See, he didn't yell once but over and over and when he heard her retell the story he came and yelled again with all of us as witnesses. He finally left the room and heres what I told her which I hope you will take to heart also.
"In this life hon, not everything is fair. I understand that Dad was in the wrong. It is no big deal to pick you up a sandwich later. I would have to say he was acting like a child and immature. You know he does the same to me. In your life, you are going to run into people just like him or worse. Try to think of this as a time to learn how to deal with a person like this. And what you need to learn is that some people's minds are just warped or something and plus, there is nothing you can do to change them or make them better. Pointing out their faults or even just asking that they treat you with respect is not going to ever sink in to their gray matter. So if the situation is not going to improve, what can you learn from it? You can learn to hold your words and not say anything back because whatever you say will be like adding fuel to a fire and they will blow up. Yes, Dad was in the wrong. He is not treating you from a loving caring standpoint. But learn how to not give them the fight they want cus as I said, you will run across people just like him in life. It doesnt mean that you are submitting to them. Just bide your time til you are an adult and can remove yourself from a bad situation.
All you did is stand up for yourself which is a good thing and I have a feeling that even if done in a kind tone without yelling, Mom would still have attacked you verbally and pounded on doors, etc. I wasn't there, maybe it was a certain tone in your voice but thats no excuse for her, She's supposedly the adult but not acting like one. Next time, don't point out her faults. If at all possible, start a PT job and earn enough money to buy for yourself little things like this next time she throws a fit.
As for teeth grinding, I know how hard it is to stop. I never do it while awake, but if I am sick with headcold and/or more, I tend to grind my teeth, but only then. There is nothing I have been able to do to stop it because I am not awake at the time. When asleep, your subconscious takes over and runs things. So if someday as an adult, your dentist is concerned about the state of your teeth due to grinding, a good way to get your subconscious to stop is by giving it the suggestion through hypnotism. I think you had a great idea, wanting to find something to help you with the teeth grinding. If you do it at night, a dentist can possibly recommend something you wear in mouth at night to prevent this. I haven't done that because I only do it when sick which isn't often, thankfully. Blessings to you hon. Sorry I have no better solution, but hey this is life and life is often hard but the struggles of life do make greater persons of those of us open to working through the hard times in a mature manner.

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Lets start off my saying I'm only 15, so I have along way to go before I'm even ready to start thinking about taking a child under my wing, but I just want to start by being well informed about the adoption process and how it all works to if I do decide in the future that I would want to adopt, I won't be such an amateur. I can't handle small children, I do a lot better with older children so I probably would want to adopt a child 10 or older. I've tried researching this but all I could find was the adoption process of new borns. I don't know if it's the same of current at all. If any of you know a reliable source, or are well informed about this process, I would love to hear it, thanks in advance!

If the only reason you are thinking of adopting a child, one that is older because you want to avoid young children, then I feel I must let you know that people change and mature greatly from childhood to teen yrs, and teen to college age and college age to older adult. You may still feel the same once you are old enough to adopt. But you also need to know that scientific testing has shown that the pre-frontal cortex of your brain is still not fully developed and this is one that helps with understanding and tolerating others, making good decisions, able to see possible drawbacks down the road to any choice you make, too judgemental, making snap decisions, etc.
Your body may be fully mature by time you graduate HS but your brain won't be until at least your mid 20s. Scientists settled on an average of age 25 but it can be later for many, not really have the total capability to make sound decisions until you are 28, 29 or even into 30's. So in the time that passes, you may find you do actually like younger children and may want your own or adopt a younger one. As stated already, it is really tough to deal with many of the other children up for adoption as their life may have so far been hell and its so easy for them to have bad attitudes, be drawn to getting into trouble simply to get attention, even bad attention, and so on. It would take someone who has possibly taken some studies in psychology just to know how to handle them. Some kids may appreciate having a loving home but others will still be in the 'lash out at people and the world mode'. And just think, it will be hard to reason with them as their minds are also still immature so they won't be able to realize that their adoptive parent is not someone to fight against.

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So I'm 13 years old, nearly 14 and I've been fingered the first time it was only for like 30 secs, I thought this was a long time. A few days later I was fingered by someone else for much longer I couldn't really feel anything so he uses two fingers and it was better not too tight tho. Does this mean there's something wrong, am I too young, am I a slag

When hormones start flowing, teens can begin to feel the need for sexual release/orgasms. Mature sexual organs will respond much better than ones just starting. So at your age, to take care of any horniness, just start masturbating. This means using your fingers on yourself. You're too young to buy sex toys for women but a lot of young teens buy a separate battery run toothbrush to use on just the clitoris, not to be used inside. This way you may be able to get clitoral orgasms if not at least find it feeling good. I know the bristles sound harsh but when so many young girls asked about it, I had to try so I can tell them, yes it works, works quite well. Just so you know, it takes a lot longer than 30 seconds or even a handful of minutes for most females to become stimulated enough to achieve an orgasm.

I do believe you are the perfect age though to self educate yourself about your body, what it can do, any sex or relationship issues and there is a wonder video blog that would be perfect. The gal running it is in her twenties but started when she was a teen also and shared what she learned. Here is a link to the main page. Please wait to have sex with any males as it is too easy to get pregnant. Even if he does not enter you, if he gets his own pre-cum on his fingers and then fingers you right away, there enough sperm there to get you pregnant. Best to avoid and focus right now on learning. Heres the link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

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I didn't know how else to write you. I hope this is the right place. Anyway to answer your question and sorry I wasnt very thorough.. I love interacting with people. The only fear I have is getting laughed at when I try to. I'm very lost about how to maintain conversation. It bothers me so much. I wanna be social but I feel like I have no skills. Thank you for your help!

The things I will mention you can do with those you know but you learn and get comfortable much faster if you include doing all of this with people you do not know, like the clerk at check out, someone on same elevator as you, any where in public. Before you start, I want you to know that I once took a seminar on personality types which covered 4 basic types, rather than the current Myers-Briggs split up into 16 different types. And those 16 spring from the basic 4 so though the older version isn't easy to find, its much simpler to study and here is a link:
http://www.nipreston.com/publications/excerpts/personalitytypes.pdf

In my class, the teacher gave the basics of traits, a detailed list of each of the four. You had a paper with 4 squares to represent the types and the traits that were true for you would always fall stronger into 1 or 2 types. He then assigned corners of the room to each type and asked you to go sit there and try to talk with the others. I ended up being the supporter type. I thought it would be an equal split of the 4. But no, Promoters/cheerleaders, and the supporters were huge groups of people while the leaders and analysts had probably a handful or less each. Its the same in real life. Most the people you will be talking to are the friendly, accepting and encouraging types who do want to hear what you have to say, its part of their personality type. The other 2 are loners who may be anti social, very private or just don't enjoy meeting people or don't like talking as much as the other groups.
Since fear of people reactions to you are what is holding you back, if you realize that the majority of people you speak to, even strangers are going to light up and smile and seem to enjoy speaking with you, theres nothing then to hold you back. It is very seldom I ever talk to a stranger who is short with replies, doesn't smile and tries to looks away or walk away. Don't let it bother you, that is just their personality type and it's not you.

Prep work done, the rest is easy.

Start with practicing complimenting people. Be sure it is genuine. So everytime you see jewelry, hair, outfit, shoes you like on someone, compliment her. Some get squeamish about trying to compliment guys you don't know but males love to receive compliments too. A good compliment is true for you is that you like the scent of the cologne he is wearing and ask the name so you can get it for your boyfriend. Mentioning a bf, lets them know you aren't hitting on them. Males naturally all want to feel appreciated and needed so compliments to your bf could be “I like the way you think”, “I really appreciate how you are so willing to help with anything and so caring not just with me but anyone.” It shows him you noticed his efforts, even something small like in a group when a question is directed at both of you he turns and says, “Go ahead, you answer first.” He is thinking of you instead of trying to get attention drawn to himself and that shows how much he really cares. When you really look for it, there are lots of things you can compliment guys on.

Do you have to introduce yourself before you start talking to someone who doesn't know you? NO. However if they ask your name, no reason not to give it.
Most people are never going to have the chance of running into you a second time ever unless you have a favorite haunt that a certain person always seems to go to. I go to Starbucks a lot and so the workers at the few I go to are some I have had friendly short convo's with. Some have names I don't dare try to pronounce so I might ask how they pronounce their names. Greeting someone you see regularly by name even if you are not friends, will help them have a better enjoyable day. Sometimes I compliment them. Lets say of all the shifts there are 15 people, at the Starbucks. As busy as they are they can't take time to talk much but about 4 will actually take time to take with me when their break time occurs. One sat with me during her break. Another told me that she was leaving soon and going back to school fulltime and just wanted me to know this before she suddenly disappeared. I love have friendly acquaintances like this. As much as you enjoy talking to people, I have a feeling you will rack up a lot of friendly acquaintances real fast.

Another way to get used to starting conversations is to ask questions or ask for help. Heres a good example. When I was younger and didn't yet know much about choosing the best produce at grocery, I found myself trying to pick out a cantaloupe and watermelon at the same time another older woman was at the same display. She was tapping the melons and listening to them. So I asked what she was doing.
(If you glance their way and they don't sense you looking at them and look at you, then get their attention by just saying, “Excuse me!” ) For example, the lady said she was listening for a certain sound to know the watermelons were ripe. So I asked again what it would sound like. She picked one that was ripe and one that wasn't as good and tapped them as she held them up to my ear to listen and I heard the difference. I learned something helpful that day, simply by talking with a stranger. She saw me later in another aisle and smiling says, Hello again. Do you buy this product? (she pointed) I said yes and she said she had an extra coupon to save on that and proceeded to hand it to me. Most people don't mind answering questions or being helpful. So be brave and do it. Only once was it awkward when we turned a bend in a road while exploring somewhere on the weekend. There before us was a car parked with a Chinese woman standing in the middle of the road waving us down. This area didn't have much traffic and we were the first people she saw. I thought perhaps they had car trouble but when I rolled down my window, She halting said the only english she could speak, You speak Chinese? I said no. Next she asked you speak Spanish? Again I had to say no. I was surprised when next she asked, you speak German? I do, but not well, but said Yes. A little and did the motion with fingers to show “Little”. She was looking for a turn off to a Ferry and had just missed it. So I knew all the words but the word for “Sign” and told her she had to go back a little. She would turn right at first sign and for sign I shrugged my shoulders and drew a rectangle in the air. But she understood. So whether someone asks you or you ask them, rarely will it ever be awkward.

The only times it is awkward to talk to others is in grade school, middle and HS when all the other students are not mature and grown up yet and have no idea how to act and treat others. Many just follow the example of the few who are leaders but doing wrong and laugh at tease, bully, or whatever. That is behind you now. From this point on, you will be dealing with people who are much more mature since they are out of HS, college age, and older. So if you've had bad experience in the past, don't let that hold you back now. This is another important thing I learned when I was 20 or so.

Now, on to tricks to keep conversation going. It helps to really remember what others are saying because you can base the next thing you say on something they said that brought a memory back to you. Lets say a friend is telling you about all the stuff they did last weekend and it included going to a you-pick Blackberry farm. If you have any experience going to any you pick farms, you can tell them about that, you could ask where it was located and how much it cost, or I would be focusing on the word Blackberry and share a story from older childhood when too young to baby sit but wanting to earn money, I'd go to pick coffee can's full of Blackberries that grew along the abandoned railroad tracks and how I'd go door to door asking if they wanted to buy a can full for a dollar. Yep, that was long ago but a dollar was a good reward and would buy a lot more back then. Even if you don't personally have a story but have read a story related to, share it, or maybe it the experience of someone else who once told you and you don't share any name but just tell their story anonymously. I still afte years and years use this way to keep conversations going. If you are asking friends something, and don't want the conversation to end after they answer your question, remember there are open ended as well as closed ended questions. Heres an example:

Did you have a good weekend? They will answer yes or no. Many stop right there and won't go on to elaborte what they did unless you ask. You can ask them though.

A better way to ask is “So, what did you do this weekend?” Notice that question can not be answered with a yes or no. You want to choose carefully how to ask them something because if they have yes or no answers, there is no information you can glean from that to base your next story on. But if they describe their weekend, you have a better chance of finding a word or a subject from it to use as a spring-board for the next thing you speak about.

This is all that I do, there is nothing else and I have found I don't need any other tricks to start or keep a conversation going. Pay attention to how many times you answer someones question and the next thing they talk about is based on a word or subject in your answer. Its quite natural and does not come across as contrived or awkward.

I once worked in fast food and it was slow as the moment and somebody was complaining about the cost of their apt rent being so expensive. That got a guy to mention he used to have to pay big bucks for a tiny studio. He wanted to feel like he had a 2nd room in there and his closet was huge so he put his bed in there to have the feel of a bedroom. I thought that was funny, and while someone else made a comment, my mind was whirling to see if I could say something related to what he said. Bed and closet stood out so I made a joke and said, “So if a friend called and asked if you were up yet, you could actually answer with, “I haven't come out of the closet yet.” Which would be true but that is a term gay people use for whether they have shared their sexual orientation yet with family and friends or not.kl And the others all got it and they were laughing hard. I did this on purpose because people need more to smile or laugh about. Hope this helps.

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I've grown up with depression. Literally. I cannot remember one moment when I never experienced it.

Some months ago, I found out about Lexapro and suggested it to my psychiatrist. I took a low dosage of it for a few months, but lately, I've been taking 30mg (about to start taking 40mg). My happiness has soared higher than my depression now! :D

Before this 30mg, I never EVER wanted to get out of bed and take care of myself. I looked absolutely HORRIBLE.

But now, I have an obsession with taking care of my appearance which makes me genuinely happier the more obsessed with taking care of it I am.

So does anyone have any detailed tips on how to take PERFECT, PURE care of my hair, skin, body and teeth?

And I'd appreciate about health too if you can. Thank you SO SO SO MUCH! I can't put into words how much I'd appreciate any tips and help!!!!

For hair since I am into natural health products, I suggest you choose a product that can be purchased at a health food store. Read this link for warning on laurel sulfate in most shampoos and other such products:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/174367-dangers-of-sodium-lauryl-sulfate/

At health store write down the names of the brands and then see if you can find it cheaper elsewhere, maybe even Walmart. Summer time is a good time for special hair treatment with things you have in your kitchen. Scramble a raw egg and massage it into your hair and keep it there for a while like if you can stand 20 mins. People just get their hair wet over the sink, wear the egg treatment on hair with towel around shoulders to protect clothes and then take shower and rinse it off in there. The hair likes the protein in eggs.
An alternative is pouring beer over your head, into your hair while holding it over tub or sink. Try it on a sunny weekend where you can go outside and sit in the sun a bit, not necessary and then rinse off in shower. I know, bad way to waste a beer but hair also likes the ingredients in beer.

For skin, again read ingrediants. You want to avoid anything with the word petrol and long words starting with petro. In Europe, thats the word for gasoline and it is derived from gasoline. It has no purpose being in a product that gets applied to our skin. It is cancer causing over long term use.

If you don't know this yet, everything we apply to our skin is absorbed to some degree. So you may also want to go with natural made soap bars or body washes also. It may cost more but your health is worth it.
But what we don't hear from companies advertising their products to make money is that the most significant health, even for hair, skin, nails, starts from the inside. Beauty starts with what you are taking from the inside out.
We live in a toxic world and our bodies take in toxins that sometimes can't be avoided.
Currently besides vitamin and mineral and amino acid supplements, I ressearched what one can take to detox the body. Found something called Organic sulfur, or MSM short for its scientific name. It resupplies an ingrediant babies and children have in abundance but it dissapates over the years and needs to be added to the body. This product detoxs but the beauty benefits are supposedly really great. I've only just started so you might check back with me in a month and ask about it but I can tell I am detoxing. The other benefits for beauty involve providing ingrediant needed for body to have Keratin and Collagen, Keratin makes for thicker healthier hair and nails. Mine have been brittle most my life so we shall see. Collagen is needed to have healthy skin. When we have less or none, we get lots of wrinkles.

As for fitness, it depends on ones body type. There are 3 needing varying amounts of exercise to maintain or lose weight. If walking, running or a dance class isn't enough you may need to do more.
Toning the muscles if you do at least that is accomplished easily by doing yoga stretches.

If you are interested in discovering your body type, there are on line tests with lots of questions you answer about yourself to discover which body type. This will provide a list of foods best for your body type and ones to avoid and what amount of exercise you require. This is Ayurvedic health and just search for how to determine your dosha (body type). If you can't find it, let me know and I will search again for it, as I didn't save the site.

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I'm an eighteen year old girl and I still don't know how to talk to people. I know it sounds pathetic. I haven't had much (close) friends because of it. I'm SO bad with words. I can't even have a real conversation with my boyfriend because of it. I'm really insecure. I never know the right words to say. Is there something wrong with me? Help would be much appreciated. Thanks so much.

If I understand correctly, its not a fear of interacting with people, which I used to have, and is called social anxiety but feeling lost as to how to talk to people. Besides the social anxiety I had a low self confidence which might translate to what you are feeling since you used the word 'insecure'.

I have saved documents I can send depending on what you need. Let me know if you need the info on overcoming social anxiety, on how to gain self confidence or just tricks on how to talk to others and start and maintain conversation.

Write to me from my column to request any of these.
By the way, its not odd or pathetic to have problems talking to people. Many who are more outgoing with no anxieties, live their adult life feeling the same way you do and never doing anything about it.

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I bought a coupon for seven spray tans. It says consecutive days. Do I really want to do that ? Will I get too dark ?

If it was me, and this package deal and what you paid for the coupon is less than the 7 days, or even just 4 or 5 days, then you know you're still getting your moneys worth.
Just take it on a day by day basis and at the end of each day, take a good look in the mirror. If you feel you are dark enough, just don't go for the rest and you will lose them but its better than ending up darker than you want.
I can't say if you will get too dark because everyones skin tone is a different shade and there's whether you've already gotten any natural sunlight or if you're just starting out.

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I am getting a new phone. I currently have a Sam sung Galaxy Core prime ,but I am getting a samung galaiamp 2 today so I am going to sell my Samsung Galaxy core prime . I paid $115.00 for it how much should I sell my Samsung Galaxy core prime for?

In a mall i live near, is a shop that takes in certain used cell phones as the down payment on the new one you want and then they resell the older ones to whomever cannot afford a brand new one. Even if you do not find such a shop and plan to use that possibility, you can look to see if they already have others phones for sale that are the same as yours and get a good idea for price of the re-sale value. Then if you still wish to advertise and sell it yourself, you can choose a price a little lower than the store price, mention the store and their price for the same used model and let them know the price you're asking for is a little lower than the one in the store.

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We broke up around 3 years ago after being together for 3 years. A year after we broke up I found out that she had moved on, it broke my heart but I accepted it and I was happy for her. 3 years later, we finally spoke on Valentine's Day this year and in that message she sent me a pic of a valentines present I gave her many years ago and she said that she never knew how weird it could be to stop talking and seeing someone who you used to be close to, she said she wondered how things would be if things didn't go the way they did. She asked if I had met anyone I said no then After that she said that she hoped I can find someone that makes me happy because I deserve it.I was shocked but I just said the same back. It felt as tho we were close again, befote ending the conversation she told me to 'stay in touch'.After a few days I sent her a pic of a place where I used to take her and asked if she remembers she jokingly said'more importantly,who are you with?lol'.She remembers everything including my birthday in a few weeks and jokingly said that I should start thinking about 'settling down' bcos I'm getting old. We've only talked on and off since Valentine's Day, however 2 days ago on social media she put up a picture of the place I used to take her to (the place I described earlier) and she put a heart💕 On the caption.What could this all mean?

Hard for me to answer. Not a mind reader. What might shed some light is the reasons for the break up after 3 years. If it was minor stuff and the kinds of things that maturing as an adult might make for a better relationship with someone now, then anythings possible, especially if the two of you have chemistry together. Your heart was broken so I am guessing she is the one who wanted to leave. A year after, you found out she moved on. That doesn't tell me if she was dating/seeing someone or if she actually married someone. So unless you left this info out or don't know, there is a possibility that in the about 2 years that brings you to today's date, that her other relationship did not turn out and she is again single or divorced. It is not best to start assuming and or wondering what she meant by getting in touch. If single, then yes, asking if you were still single could be subtle way to check if you are still available. Or could be just asking friendly questions cus she'd like to remain friends.
I think this next piece is very interesting, the fact she said: " she wondered how things would be if things didn't go the way they did."

If she IS with someone else, isn't happy in the relationship and wondering how it might have been if she'd stayed with you, then in her mind and heart, emotionally she may not be done with you yet. She isn't sure and that is why she wouldn't want to get your hopes up by trying again now just to discover she still feels it won't work.
Its a telltale sign if a person who has a partner can not stop thinking of the what if's. It doesnt mean it will work any better this time but she will go her life wondering unless she could settle this in her mind knowing she's done everything possible to make it work before she can leave you and be able to not look back, especially at the emotional attachments or sentimental feelings of items, places etc that were something between the two of you. Put yourself in her shoes, if you left her found someone and still with or left them but you are not emotionally available to continue on and find someone because you can't stop wondering the what if's, what would you do? Most humans brave enough would start asking innocent questions to see if theres a chance to try being a couple again. You might too. If you were with someone and truly in love, not that you just love her but in love, would you really spend your mental time split thinking half the time about your current partner and your ex? Nope, humans don't work that way unless theres something off balance like mental issues, anxieties, lots of distorted thinking and rationalizing. IF thats not her then even if her conscious mind hasn't realized yet what she's doing, in her subconscious mind-(pay close attention now) she possibly does wonder and wish for a chance to try again. The subconscious is where all our emotions are hooked up. Think of a movie where you became frightened or angry, or another emotion, and even though you knew if was just make believe, your emotions got involved. Yes, the subconscious rules our emotions. The subconscious mind takes care of things you don't have to remember to do like breathing, blinking eyes. HOwever, I've read up on the subconscious and it believes one of its important roles is to make sure you are happy. Thus, whatever you allow your mind to dwell on all the time, the Sub. mind thinks must be important to you due to all the time you spent thinking about it and it will cause you to take actions that could possibly bring about that you constantly think about. The sub. doesn't do this if you just thought about someone out of the blue, just once or twice...thats not significant enough. Its possible maybe to have a dream on what you thought about that day, but for the sub. mind to cause her to contact you, I think you can safely guess there's more to it. If you still wonder also how it could have gone staying together, she may not come out and ask to see you, you'll probably have to venture the right questions and discover what's really going on in her mind. Don't accept any flippant answers that all is fine and she is just wanting to be friends only. I am going to guess that you both were romantically involved with sex a part of it. Most people today do not have a relationship without sex. Therefore, according again to something I read in a book by Psychologist for women to understand relationships better, I learned that females mostly feel sex is the key to a happy relationship. They believe it will lead to a man wanting only them. Whereas men view it more often as a lust thing but can find it linked to love. So women have a hard time leaving a guy or if he leaves her due to the depth of love they feel simply from sex, no matter if its a good relationship, so-so or a terrible or abusive one. Women tend to gauge things by their feelings. Feelings are what the sub. mind picks up on and so on. There is no way to answer what this could mean and even if you asked her, she might still not know what her most deepest desire is concerning you or be unwilling to answer since she may be embarrassed or fearful. If she's the kind of woman worth fighting to get back in your life, at least to try again and work out whatever your issues were, then I see no reason to just accept what she does as meaningless. You don't know that. Even if she is still technically with someone. She may be unhappy and is looking first for someone else before she leaves the current guy. ITs always easier and less scary to go back to an ex because that is a known quantity. She'd know what she is getting into. If she truly just wants to be friends, I don't believe it will work out. My opinion of course but because of all the memories of a deeper nature with the same person before, I know most people can not do that. Sure, I can be friendly with my ex, any memories do not tug at my heart strings or make me wonder. I have forgiven him for verbal abuse, etc. But the grown kids still want to keep in touch, allow him to be grand dad with their kids and so on occasion, there are some events where we end up together in a group, with my new husband along. Maybe a bad example but there are circumstances in which a person may be able to be friendly towards but not want to spend lots of time with as just friends.
Here's another piece of info that might be helpful: The two main foundations to a solid relationship working out is being best of friends with your partner, and also having the best sexual/romantic connection and desires in common. So anyone who has had both and still feels strongly attached to the emotions that were felt on both parts of the 'foundation' will find it difficult to just be friends without wanting eventually to make love. So if either of you were already with someone else, then unless the willpower is very strong to resist, the two of you could end up lovers again but also having another partner and be actually cheating on that other person. SHe may not want to try again in case it doesn't work out again. But if you are game, even if it means getting hurt again, you'd have to tell her if she's single again, that you are game to try a relationship together again, even if it still may not work out, but that you want both of yourselves to be absolutely sure it won't work so you both can move on. At least this is my take on it. Wish you well.

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23/f
I started dating this guy that I met at a bar around November 2016 and I really liked him. During the first couple of months though we fought a lot. We fought mostly because the majority of my friends are male, which I understand. He didn't really know me and he didn't know that they were platonic friends of mine. I realized very quickly that he was a jealous kind of guy. We got together as a couple, we broke up, we got back together, etc.

Then in February 2017, he cheated on me with a girl at a bar. We broke up and eventually got back together.

Fast forward to now, May 2017. I moved into his house and as far as I know, he hasn't talked to any girls that he shouldn't be. We still fight about the dumbest stuff though almost everyday. Every time we get into a huge screaming match I sit there and I think, "how is this my life? Is this really the kind of person I want to be with?" because I don't fight with people. Fighting is my least favorite thing to do, especially with someone that I love. He still gets mad at me when I make a decision to hang out with someone, even girl friends. He doesn't trust me and we always get into the fight that if I wanted to go out and do something that that's not the kind of girlfriend that he wants and "we want different things out of life". I love the kid and I love the security that we have financially (which I wouldn't have if it weren't for him).

Onto the real part of my question:
I had a job at a video store a couple of years ago and I worked with this guy that I became friends with. We had hooked up a couple of times the summer before I met my boyfriend and I really, really liked him. I figured our "relationship" was just a series of booty calls and thought this guy was way out of my league and would never pursue a real relationship with me. It kind of hurt so I broke off the physical relationship we had and I got over it when I met my boyfriend. Well, this guy just got ahold of me a few days ago and confessed that he actually likes me and doesn't want to cause problems in my relationship but really just wanted me to know that he had feelings for me. I always thought that he was the kind of person I wanted to be with and that could provide me with a fun, loyal relationship.

So now I'm at a crossroads because I finally realize that I don't have to settle for someone who treats me like garbage because someone good CAN actually like me, even if nothing came out of this guy that I used to like. What do I do? I'm so very much in love with my boyfriend and sometimes I think that I'm happy with him but when we fight it seriously hurts and depresses me. I don't have any freedom to be friends with anyone I used to be close to or do any of the things I used to love doing. I miss having a fun relationship and doing things together instead of just staying home all of the time. I guess I'm scared of losing him but I'm not 100% happy. Is that how relationships are supposed to be? You just work through it? I'm scared of breaking it off, moving out and then regretting it. I'm just so lost I guess.

If this doesn't make any sense, just let me know haha. I know I'm all over the place and it's a pretty long question. Thanks for reading!

You've got some great advice already. I will only share to tell you of my experiences with ex husband who was very much like this bf of yours. It will confirm the things you've already been told.

I like this line by ammo: " He won't know what is wrong until you tell him, never just assume the other person knows, you will be surprised how dense some men can sometimes be and will not see the most obvious in front of them..."

That is so true. Not saying all guys are dense, and there are not many good examples growing up for men to know how to act and treat others, especially if its a girlfriend or wife.
So in the beginning, I always told him that I did not like something he was doing or saying to me and explaining why I did not like it. If the guy is just uneducated or dense, he will make the effort and get better. What I did not know back then is that he had some beginning mental illness and a disorder affecting his ability to hold ANY relationships with friends, co workers, let alone the woman he said he loved. A person with mental illness or simply mean and choosing to be this way, these types will use a technique called deflecting and when you bring up an issue without raising voice, he will raise his and pick a fight saying that you are the one with the problems and causeing issues for the relationship. So its possible you will experience that. If you do, this is a pretty good sign he will not get any better. A person acting like this, even without mental illness, is going to require some heavy duty counseling to even become a reasonable person to live with. Even once a ex counselor friend told my husband he should go to a Dr. he refused to for a while, and when he did go, it was only after 20+ years of marriage and he didn't think anything was wrong with him and didn't see the need to change, I overheard that from him. But he was going only to hold onto to me and trick me into staying.

All this just to say that in my experience, more often than not, even if the guy does have the ability to change, he won't. I also learned that this isolating of you and controlling who you can and can't see is a way to break you down so you lose all your self confidence and decide that this is normal and settle for it. This is NOT normal. Although only a professional can finally determine after much time with a patient as to whether there is indeed a mental condition and what it is called, I know from the description of yours that it is not normal behavior. Without him feeling repentant and wanting to be better for you, he will go for help to keep you. ALthough in my case, he went without applying himself, just to placate me, thinking I was probably stupid and would still stay with him if He still treated me like crap for the rest of my life but oh yes, he was a good boy for attending counseling apppointments. So you must look for him being repentant and not wanting to lose you and willing to stop the bad stuff and treat you right.
Again, I have seen enough in almost 30 years with him to know what you have in your guy is a controller type. All the girlfriends who were with a guy like this, are still miserable or they eventually left him. Don't expect him to leave, if this is what must happen, a break up for good, you will have to do so. Just so that you know, for most women, they still love the guy who abuses them because in organizations that teach about partner abuse, what he does fits perfectly under the term 'Abuse' and abusers don't get better without treatment. Some with treatment, per our Dr. never get better during the rest of life even with treatment as it can be that slow for some individuals. This to say, you may never see any improvement from him So you'd have to ask yourself if you can handle that. I discovered I had oddball coping mechanisms I had put into place to be able to live with him. When I asked myself if he were the same or worse, could I handle another month of that, sure, but wont like it, then I'd ask myself how about a year more? I reluctantly told myself it would be hard but I've done that so far, when I asked myself if I could stand another 5 years of this, I got really scared and wasn't sure if I could stand that. Then finally, I asked myself if I could stick with him with no improvement and being verbally abused for ten more years or till the end of my life...and that is when I immediately broke down in tears. I knew I could not. But I had to get to the point where I knew I had tried every possible thing to make it work I also had the added decree of my church that divorce isn't an option, trust God to heal your marriage. If you know you've done all you could, then it will be easier to leave him. In my case, My love for him romantically had long run out. I read somewhere that love for ones partner is like a bank saving account. Money doesn't magically appear in your account, you have to put it in first before you can withdraw it as needed. Its the same with relationships. You both need to be adding to the love account, building the amount of love larger, stronger by how wonderful you treat your partner. My experiences led me to create this quote: "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only occurs when both partners put in equal effort to make it so." He is not making any love deposits with how he treats you. After the months and years roll by, your love account runs down to zero. And you find you no longer love the guy. A warning here about the stress from the relationship...and this is what got me off my butt and deciding to finally leave even though I knew it was coming some day. The stress can't stay bottled up inside you, it needs somewhere to go, so it will either affect you mentally/emotionally or physically. With the first, you totally lose any self respect or confidence and became something like the dog he kicks around. You look forward to the makeup honeymoon cycle of the bad relationship but it always cycles again back to the tension building phrase and then the part when he becomes abusive again. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical, its just not as visual. I got the stress related things like daily headaches, and some migraines through out the year, got stress related rashes all over body, got stomach ulcers, etc. The only thing not yet covered is cancer or heart attack. Sometimes those conditions are caused by constant stress with no relief. It can take years to add up but I had the headaches and migraines right up front. At one point, in prayer, I finally heard from God that waiting for him to heal my marriage will never happen because that would go against the free will he gave everyone. My husband had a will to change and better the relationship or not, he chose not. God would not force him to treat me right because that would be like programming a robot to do exactly what I want it to. Then God said, you have done everything you can and so it is not wrong for you to leave. You can stay but if you do, you'll be dead in four years from the stress. So its up to you to leave before then or not. That woke me up. I wanted to be around for daughters weddings and to become a grandma, so I left him after trying to have a talk about divorce and him fighting and not willing to go to a lawyer and go thru with it. My survival was more important to me than waiting until I could convince him if ever. So I just left. I never went back to him. And it took him 7 years before he was finally ready to officially divorce. Now looking back, I understand how children growing up witnessing how dad treats mom like sh&t, is probably supposed to be normal and even though you tell them differently when they become adults, they are going to be pretty messed up when it comes to having any normal relationship of their own. So you need to ask yourself if he never changes, are you willing for him to be the dad of your kids? If you already have kids, do you want their view of what a normal relationship is to be skewed by how he represented his half of it?

You already know you don't like this treatment Your love feelings are the only thing holding you still to this relationship. Instead of waiting years for the love to finally run out and it will, you can leave while you still have feelings if you understand what psychology knows about women and men and how they view love and sex. Heres an excerpt from a book by Linda Papadopoulas.

"Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them." If you can understand that what you are feeling is connected to wanting to save the relationship and that sex doesn't save it if the problem is his controlling behavior, then you will find it easier to get over him after you leave him again.
Another important point to know is that abusive men always search for females whom they believe are shy and mousy, and too weak to stand up for themselves, no self confidence, etc.... Sometimes they make a mistake as in my ex going for me. I was just too young and didn't understand it wasn't right. By time I saw the pattern and couldn't convince him to go to couple counseling, I put up with it for sake of children, thinking it better they have a dad or some sort. Wrong, its more damaging as children will try to copy, emulate their parents so it is not good for that reason and the emotional strain upon the children. They will too become stressed or even depressed if life at home is unstable and unhappy. You already left him once, and many more times? But going back to him just after that first break up sent him the wrong message, that he didn't have to improve himself to keep a women and also made him think you were weak and controllable. Going back again several more times made things worse. He is absolutely sure now that all he has to do is play with your emotions and he'll get you back so he can get what ever his pay back is from having you. Usually, people like this have a low self esteem or confidence so they find the one person they feel its easy to mistreat until they feel lower than him/her and that is what makes them feel better about themself without having to change. That is warped thinking but thats why many do it. There may be other reasons but thats one main big one. I think I have covered everything you need to know and I know it doesnt make things look pretty for him. But you have to be sure in your mind before you leave so you can become emotionally ready for the next relationship. The other guy sounds promising. But everyone puts their best foot forward and will also 'act' better than they normally really are just to catch you, and once they believe you are hooked by your 'feelings of love' that you won't ever leave, no matter how he treats you. Before meeting 2nd husband, I met guys from internet dating, only the promising sounding ones. Many know just what to say to sound convincing. However with experience from past marriage and what I learned after studying up on mental illness or destructive behavior for relationships, I was able to spot by the 2nd date with one and 3rd date with the other that they were as bad as my ex so I just said sorry but I really didn't feel any chemistry. Remember this in case any future guy doesn't work out. Don't give them real reason you are cutting it off as you do not know how mean and vengeful they can become. I learned that quickly after telling the one guy the truth and he left several hateful phone messages on my phone. That was scary enough. As someone else said, don't forsake your friends just because your bf feels so threatened by them all.
I know this is long but Hon, you really need to hear all these bits and pieces to help you decide if to break up for good this time.
You said, " Is this really the kind of person I want to be with?" because I don't fight with people. Fighting is my least favorite thing to do"

I am with you, I do not like conflict and fighting and always try to be a peace maker, but not by caving in and letting the other still have their way. I try to compromise. But as I learned early on, you can not compromise with some people. They are just incapable of it for some reason. As to how much fighting is normal for a relationship, I know one video blogger I respect lots who says it should be about a 90 to 10% split up. 90% of time everything is great and only 10% of the time that you actually have issues to work through. Disagreements can't be avoided. My 2nd hubby and I have them come up often enough. But we both take plenty of time to share our viewpoints and why we are vying for our way rather than our partners and we often compromise, but more often find it was lack of info on the part of one of us that had us instantly disagreeing on something. Once we calmly share what bothers us, half the times I go with his point of view, and half the time he agrees with mine. Its so easy when both are unconditionally and totally in love with each other. Treated as I was before is not love, even tho the ex insisted he loved me. When a counselor asked him not if he loved me but was in love with me, he avoided answering he loved me. The counselor ignored his tactics of taking attention off himself and began verbally attacking me. Once he realized he had to answer he finally said, NO, he was never in love with me, he only loved me as the mother of his kids. Well, that explained a lot. We say we love ice-cream or love jet skiing or something, it may be something we can be passionate about, like even reading or gardening. Bu to be in love, is deeper. You'll know it when you finally experience it dear. Ones attention goes from concern for oneself to being more concerned that ones partner is happy, feels loved and secure and is content. However the other person needs to feel the same way and be doing the same for you or it ends up a one way thing without both working to make the relationship work and it is work, it can't be ignored to survive on its own like a weed in the cracks of a sidewalk. So evaluate what you have. How much of the time are you scared, and depressed, etc. is it only the 10 % of the time as suggested or it is closer to the 90%. If it ends up 50-50, then you need to decide if being good to you half the time is enough for you so it won't bother you anymore to be treated like crap the other half of the time. I don't think so. I believe the 90-10 model is a better choice to look for. I was all over the place and long so if you need anything I didn't cover, just write to me from my column and I will share whatever else I can. I do agree that you should not go for another other guy until you have settled things in your mind on the first one. For one thing, we learn things, the good and the bad in each relationship we are in. But in a crucial lesson like this one, if you can't learn and decide for yourself that no matter that you have feelings, you must leave him, then you will keep being tested in life until you do finally learn. Some never do. These are the women who say, "Why do I keep attracting all the losers." There are vibes going out to people, not what you say or do, that humans are subconsciously able to pick up on.
I was tested after leaving my husband. I had to know for sure I had learned my lesson and not cave in for the same reasons. So my first relationship after I left the husband ended up being another abusive guy. I left him early on. Happy I could remain strong and firm in what I allowed myself to be subjected to in life with a partner. Two months exactly after I broke up with him, I met the man who is now my husband and he is nothing at all like my ex. We have that healthy 90-10 balance of good and bad to the relationship. But because we're both in love, the bad isn't all that bad, just challenges we always work out. I hope you get to experience the same. You can't change others behavior but when you realize that you only have real control over what you do, you will realize that only you have the real key to your future happiness or not in relationships.

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I started a new job. I really like someone there. I want to know if the signs show he also likes me. He most always says hi or good morning with a smile. I notice him looking at me. I feel I always catch his eye. If he knows where I am he seems to hang around. He talks loudly to others when im in ear shot. But seems quieter when I talk to him. I feel chemistry. When he is walking down the hall we make,eye contact and say hi when passing. Sometimes seems nervous around me. Last time I saw him I smiled really big and said hi he did the same with a huge smile.when I first started working there he had someone introduce us.

Womens intuition goes a long way towards giving you a clue. If you are feeling the vibes, its either only on your part or he is interested as well. The one thing you said that gives me a clue the most is that when you started working there, he asked someone to introduce you...that means you at least had caught his eye and was attracted to what he saw. Thats where it starts for all. Then next, its the feelings we get when standing or sitting near each other and finally, the next stage is the two starting dating to determine if they also like whats below skin level, a persons character and personality.
I do not know what office policies are regarding employees dating where you are, so if its forbidden, you'd have to date in secret and not do the cow eyes at each other when near each other at work. There may be stiff sexual harassment policies as well and that is enough to scare a guy from even asking a girl out if she is not interested. The reason why, is that sometimes instead of just saying no, and even if he hasn't asked repeatedly, a gal might say he is sexually harassing her. I had that happen to a family member and all he did was ask her out. So in a case with co workers, its especially better for the gal to make the first move. There is no reason you can't have him join you and a friend in the break room and have conversations where you aren't just asking him questions but others as well if you want to keep this hidden. After a little while of talking to him at work, not just smiling and saying hi, you ask if he'd like to go for a coffee or whatever after work if you work same hours. If not, you can always come up with something else like, my friend can't go with me to the movies this Saturday and I want to see the opening of "name the movie" and hate going alone. Would you like to go with me? Thats a pretty strong clue to him that of all the people you must know from work and away from work, that you asked him to go along. This is a more subtle way of asking a guy out, getting him away from the office so you can then find out if he may be interested in dating. There are more and more males who wait for the woman to make the first move, to ask out, to kiss, and for sex. Not as common as younger ages, but there are men in 30s on who are like this. After a divorce and being on dating site, I met my 2nd husband. He wrote to me, but when we met in person, after a few days of him not making a move to kiss me, I kissed him. Its wasn't for lack of want and desire, I could tell by how he honestly talked about himself that he was really into me. I also had to initiate sex but as soon as i initiated, that told him I was into him alot and he began to initiate things in return and relax around me. If however he acts this way with everyone, all the smiles and saying hi to all he comes across, then it may be more of his personality and being outgoing and such. You'd still need to find a time when you can ask him. If he can't make a certain time or event you ask him to away from work, then it may be schedule busy-ness for him and not disinterest. LEt that go and after a couple days ask him again. If he turns you down again, he's not interested. If he is interested, and he is mature enough to understand you need some explanation why the time again won't work, he would need to explain that he has something else on the schedule. ANd once he does that, then you could ask if there is a better time. I am assuming you know if he's single and available or not. If not sure, in that friendly meet up with a co worker outside of work, ask him personal questions leading up to what you want to know. Cus yes, it can be awkward to go straight to the first question being, So, are you single?
Ask if he has siblings, share if you have any, ask if he's the oldest or youngest, does he get to see family often. Then fit in, are you single or married or dating. You let him know also your status. This ways it part of friendly conversation so if he answers he is dating or is married, you smile and make some comment like "good for you. Glad you found someone to love. And you don't have to reveal how you felt and that awkward part about rejection. You can come up with what you'd basically say, ahead of time but to find out for sure and move on to the dating phase, you likely will need to make the first move, however you decide is comfortable for you and will protect him in case of policies at work that could hurt him or you.

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at what temperature does the vagina gets wet

When the temperature gets to 85.7 degrees. Sorry I couldn't resist. Actually temperature has nothing to do with it.

Men and women may have different sex organs but in utero as a fetus, at one point they both looked exactly the same. Don't believe me, just check out this site as I am trying to make a point here.
http://www.baby2see.com/gender/external_genitals.html

Now as mature bodied teens/adults, the sex organ may be different and have different roles to play but as far as other things go, when or how one becomes aroused and wet, orgasms,even both males and females ejaculate, (you just can't see the evidence with all females) the same thing is needed for both to have their sex organs engorge in blood, yes females do this too, and getting lubricated if the person is with someone who they are really sexually attracted to. There can be reasons why a female doesn't get as wet as usual or doesn't and needs aid of a personal lubricant. Some of these reasons can be linked to the brain which is also our greatest sex organ. So if the man has not been treating her lovingly, she may not be emotionally hurt and she won't get wet, or women in menopause tend to be drier at times but this does not affect them getting turned on and wanting sex, you just need to use lube. I also found that certain times of the month, It was easier to get wet, or if I was dehydrated, that might affect it, recent illness, all sorts of things. So if you get that bead of cum on the tip of penis when you are aroused and all conditions are right, but you can't produce that pre cum when you are flaccid, then you have your answer, a person will not self lubricate because a lack of a certain temperature but because of a lack of the right stimulation where from self or with a partner they really are attracted to.

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To make a not so long story short, I was very casually seeing somebody for about 3 months. Seeing as in I literally saw him FOUR times in three months. One time we took a walk together and the next three times he would come over and fall asleep in my bed within an hour (no intimacy or anything like that). We kissed a few times if even that. He would text me about once every couple weeks and the first three times I just assumed he was really busy. I suppose I was a little infatuated with him because he was cute, but otherwise I kept telling my best friends what a loser he was (sleeping on his friend's couch, no job, trying to make it big in a small town as a singer for a band)and that I just needed to kick him to the curb once and for all.

The night before the last time I saw him he "confessed" to me how much he liked me and then the next day he told me he was drunk and didn't remember anything he said. Obviously at that point I pretty much made up my mind to cut him out of my life. So I let him fall asleep as usual and when he woke up in the morning I bid him farewell and deleted his number out my phone (should have blocked it).


I signed up for a dating site that he apparently also happened to be on and sent me a nasty message about seeing that I'd signed up for it. The best part about all of this is that he obviously also had to be on the dating site to see my profile.

He made it sound like I was leading him on, but I think he was the one who was leading me on if anything. I literally hung on to a small glimpse of hope for 3 months that he liked me more as just a bed to sleep in when he didn't want to sleep on his friend's couch.

I ignored the message and I'm now seeing other people, but I just wanted confirmation that I didn't do anything wrong here?



Actually hon, you didn't do anything wrong, you just did a very smart thing. Guys like him are users, creating as many tentative relationships as they can to have more people to catch him if he falls so to speak and he knows he needs as many as he can get, females targeted because other males probably see faster what he's up to or the fact that he is really doing anything productive to get himself out of the situation he's in. So he likely has burnt too many bridges (people) and so he figures being on a dating site or meeting females and using the only thing he has, his looks to catch them and make them think he is really interested in them for a relationship when all he hopes for is a girl who is too naive to see him for what he is and afraid to kick out someone who at first glance may be down on their luck. I am not saying it is bad to dream of changing your vocation and shooting for something you really want to do, but you have to at least take any paying job and do that while trying to set up connections. Apparently, Mike Rowe of Dirtiest Jobs and Deadliest catch fame created an organization to promote that fact that there are many jobs that remain unfilled because people don't feel those jobs are glamorous enough, like construction, electrician, any other trade jobs. So he could find something, even if he has to leave town and try in a bigger metropolis. Thats what an intelligent mature person would do, do what must be done to survive but not let go of dreams. When he let his dreams to become a band singer take over to the point he dropped everything else including having some self pride, he fell hard. It was not your doing that he chose this path. You have to choice to allow someone to drag you along into their hole or to climb out and stay out and not allow anyone like that to use you. You weren't getting anything out of the friendship. And no, he has no right to be angry with you for being on a dating site as he is. He's there for the wrong reasons so he's the douch-bag, but you are there for the right reasons, to find someone to love, not to use.

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I am a married male and also have a male lover (with my wife's approval.) We currently have sex about four times a month. My wife would like use to increase that to about 15 to 20 times a month so she can have sex with her girlfriend (my lover's wife). Is this a good idea?

Geez, I should have seen this one first rather than going into detail on my last answer.

I met many a man who accompanied his wife to the swing club so she could have fun with other female lovers who also attended. these women were not gay, not wanting sex only with a female. They may not have been sexually attracted to any man but their husband and mostly to women. I found that to be the truth for most of the women attending who went for women. I was told it was something about the vibes one gave off that let another bi female know who to approach even if for just a dance.
So if this is all the wifes idea, you need to have some heart to heart talks. Has she ever felt that maybe she isn't bi sexual but gay. There are many people, even elderly citizens who finally decide they were ready to come out of the closet as gay rather than continue living the lie just to appear to be the 'normal' their friends and family expect. Because if she is more gay than bi, there is a chance that if half her life is spent with the female, she could come to fall in love with her. While a person can be in love with two people at the same time, theres always that chance of falling out of love with the first partner which would be you. I don't know anything about you, your ages, how long married. If you've been married 15, 20 years and are still crazy in love but she wants to add this, there may not be any problems at all, especially if you don't mind. If its a younger marriage, I have seen more issues arise that are jealousy, neglect or resentment based, although it can happen with any marriage of any length of time, if just occurs faster with younger married people. You and the wife may have differing libidos. There is no set libido that is normal and ones that aren't, they are just different. But lets say the wife likes sex daily to several times a day or even 5 times a week. But lets say you feel completely happy and satisfied with 3 times a week which is twice with her and once with your male lover, and no more than that or maybe less, it would be normal too but not match her libido. This was an issue with me and ex. I am remarried now to someone who has the same libido as me. And this is a happy marriage whereas the other was very unhappy. And differing libidos was only one of our issues.
Most likely, this will hurt not your relationship together. However, you both need to decide on what sounds like a reasonable amount of time to devote to a lover, if its okay with you, then go for it. But I would have a clause in that agreement that if it seems like the amount of time spent with a lover is distracting from ones daily responsibilties, that is when there is a problem, if it interferes with your daily lives. That is by the way the one way I know that it is determined whether someone may be a sex addict. Not that what you are doing qualifies unless each of you or one of you finds it overtaking life, not wanting to work, preferring time with lover to paying the bills or going grocery shopping or whatever chores you each have. It doesn't have to mean she or you are a sex addict, just that it is a good way to measure if it is healthy for your relationship and marriage or not. Again, true in depth talking without holding anything back is the best for both of you right now to decide for yourselves.

You may do better actually trying to find other husbands of wives who are bi-sexual to talk to because it could clear up any questions you have better than chances of running into such a male here in Advicenators. There seem to be support groups for any and all sorts of people for themselves depending on sexual orientation, sexual preferences and also support groups for the family of people who fit in either or both groups. I have not yet looked to see if there is a support group for husbands of bi women but I'll bet there has got to be something, even just articles to read on the subject. You may want to go looking for something like that to actually talk with another male in your position.

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