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What does my ex mean by this
We broke up around 3 years ago after being together for 3 years. A year after we broke up I found out that she had moved on, it broke my heart but I accepted it and I was happy for her. 3 years later, we finally spoke on Valentine's Day this year and in that message she sent me a pic of a valentines present I gave her many years ago and she said that she never knew how weird it could be to stop talking and seeing someone who you used to be close to, she said she wondered how things would be if things didn't go the way they did. She asked if I had met anyone I said no then After that she said that she hoped I can find someone that makes me happy because I deserve it.I was shocked but I just said the same back. It felt as tho we were close again, befote ending the conversation she told me to 'stay in touch'.After a few days I sent her a pic of a place where I used to take her and asked if she remembers she jokingly said'more importantly,who are you with?lol'.She remembers everything including my birthday in a few weeks and jokingly said that I should start thinking about 'settling down' bcos I'm getting old. We've only talked on and off since Valentine's Day, however 2 days ago on social media she put up a picture of the place I used to take her to (the place I described earlier) and she put a heart💕 On the caption.What could this all mean?
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Hiya! Dr.D here!
Alright, lets talk, man to man. See, women to me are confusing people. And if you make them mad they will throw holy hell on you. talking from experience. They do these weird riddles and confuse you. Its kind of like looking at one of those pictures where you see one thing, but when you look at it from another angle, you see something else. Its sort of like that. Except its much more difficult. its like trying to find that in a jackson pollock painting. you know what I'm saying? If you like her, then ask her. Tell her you are interested, and you want to give it another try. Dont be afraid of what she will say. Fear stops us from what we want. And if you want her, ask.
I hope I helped. Have a nice night
-Dr.D
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Hard for me to answer. Not a mind reader. What might shed some light is the reasons for the break up after 3 years. If it was minor stuff and the kinds of things that maturing as an adult might make for a better relationship with someone now, then anythings possible, especially if the two of you have chemistry together. Your heart was broken so I am guessing she is the one who wanted to leave. A year after, you found out she moved on. That doesn't tell me if she was dating/seeing someone or if she actually married someone. So unless you left this info out or don't know, there is a possibility that in the about 2 years that brings you to today's date, that her other relationship did not turn out and she is again single or divorced. It is not best to start assuming and or wondering what she meant by getting in touch. If single, then yes, asking if you were still single could be subtle way to check if you are still available. Or could be just asking friendly questions cus she'd like to remain friends.
I think this next piece is very interesting, the fact she said: " she wondered how things would be if things didn't go the way they did."
If she IS with someone else, isn't happy in the relationship and wondering how it might have been if she'd stayed with you, then in her mind and heart, emotionally she may not be done with you yet. She isn't sure and that is why she wouldn't want to get your hopes up by trying again now just to discover she still feels it won't work.
Its a telltale sign if a person who has a partner can not stop thinking of the what if's. It doesnt mean it will work any better this time but she will go her life wondering unless she could settle this in her mind knowing she's done everything possible to make it work before she can leave you and be able to not look back, especially at the emotional attachments or sentimental feelings of items, places etc that were something between the two of you. Put yourself in her shoes, if you left her found someone and still with or left them but you are not emotionally available to continue on and find someone because you can't stop wondering the what if's, what would you do? Most humans brave enough would start asking innocent questions to see if theres a chance to try being a couple again. You might too. If you were with someone and truly in love, not that you just love her but in love, would you really spend your mental time split thinking half the time about your current partner and your ex? Nope, humans don't work that way unless theres something off balance like mental issues, anxieties, lots of distorted thinking and rationalizing. IF thats not her then even if her conscious mind hasn't realized yet what she's doing, in her subconscious mind-(pay close attention now) she possibly does wonder and wish for a chance to try again. The subconscious is where all our emotions are hooked up. Think of a movie where you became frightened or angry, or another emotion, and even though you knew if was just make believe, your emotions got involved. Yes, the subconscious rules our emotions. The subconscious mind takes care of things you don't have to remember to do like breathing, blinking eyes. HOwever, I've read up on the subconscious and it believes one of its important roles is to make sure you are happy. Thus, whatever you allow your mind to dwell on all the time, the Sub. mind thinks must be important to you due to all the time you spent thinking about it and it will cause you to take actions that could possibly bring about that you constantly think about. The sub. doesn't do this if you just thought about someone out of the blue, just once or twice...thats not significant enough. Its possible maybe to have a dream on what you thought about that day, but for the sub. mind to cause her to contact you, I think you can safely guess there's more to it. If you still wonder also how it could have gone staying together, she may not come out and ask to see you, you'll probably have to venture the right questions and discover what's really going on in her mind. Don't accept any flippant answers that all is fine and she is just wanting to be friends only. I am going to guess that you both were romantically involved with sex a part of it. Most people today do not have a relationship without sex. Therefore, according again to something I read in a book by Psychologist for women to understand relationships better, I learned that females mostly feel sex is the key to a happy relationship. They believe it will lead to a man wanting only them. Whereas men view it more often as a lust thing but can find it linked to love. So women have a hard time leaving a guy or if he leaves her due to the depth of love they feel simply from sex, no matter if its a good relationship, so-so or a terrible or abusive one. Women tend to gauge things by their feelings. Feelings are what the sub. mind picks up on and so on. There is no way to answer what this could mean and even if you asked her, she might still not know what her most deepest desire is concerning you or be unwilling to answer since she may be embarrassed or fearful. If she's the kind of woman worth fighting to get back in your life, at least to try again and work out whatever your issues were, then I see no reason to just accept what she does as meaningless. You don't know that. Even if she is still technically with someone. She may be unhappy and is looking first for someone else before she leaves the current guy. ITs always easier and less scary to go back to an ex because that is a known quantity. She'd know what she is getting into. If she truly just wants to be friends, I don't believe it will work out. My opinion of course but because of all the memories of a deeper nature with the same person before, I know most people can not do that. Sure, I can be friendly with my ex, any memories do not tug at my heart strings or make me wonder. I have forgiven him for verbal abuse, etc. But the grown kids still want to keep in touch, allow him to be grand dad with their kids and so on occasion, there are some events where we end up together in a group, with my new husband along. Maybe a bad example but there are circumstances in which a person may be able to be friendly towards but not want to spend lots of time with as just friends.
Here's another piece of info that might be helpful: The two main foundations to a solid relationship working out is being best of friends with your partner, and also having the best sexual/romantic connection and desires in common. So anyone who has had both and still feels strongly attached to the emotions that were felt on both parts of the 'foundation' will find it difficult to just be friends without wanting eventually to make love. So if either of you were already with someone else, then unless the willpower is very strong to resist, the two of you could end up lovers again but also having another partner and be actually cheating on that other person. SHe may not want to try again in case it doesn't work out again. But if you are game, even if it means getting hurt again, you'd have to tell her if she's single again, that you are game to try a relationship together again, even if it still may not work out, but that you want both of yourselves to be absolutely sure it won't work so you both can move on. At least this is my take on it. Wish you well.
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Sounds to me like she just wants to be friends.
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