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Whats wrong with me?
I'm an eighteen year old girl and I still don't know how to talk to people. I know it sounds pathetic. I haven't had much (close) friends because of it. I'm SO bad with words. I can't even have a real conversation with my boyfriend because of it. I'm really insecure. I never know the right words to say. Is there something wrong with me? Help would be much appreciated. Thanks so much.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It sounds to me as though this is something that has been with you your whole life but hasn't been dealt with at least not with intensity before. From what I know about mental health you likely have an anxiety disorder undiagnosed and treated leading to all these issues.
It would be in your best interest to consult your family doctor and ask to speak to a psychiatrist and be honest and tell them what you told us. This issue and irrational fears (which they are) that hold you back may be something they can control with the correct medication. It could make your life a ton better than it is now. There's nothing to lose and it's not your fault nor are you pathetic. That belief is garbage.
Your boyfriend loves and respects you but may not know how bad you have it with this problem and you need to tell him conversing with anyone is super hard because of anxiety issues you haven't ever been able to fix until now. He will get it.
Seeing a psychiatrist doesn't mean you are pathetic or crazy either. This is very common to see them for. It's an illness like anything else and manageable. Think of it as consulting a friend who is always there to take care of you even if you have trouble at times doing it yourself.
A psychiatrist can give you ideas or point you towards an additional resource or person who can work on your social skills and getting you comfortable engaging with others.
When it comes to friends tell the good ones straight up what's going on and has your whole life and that you're trying to get help and how you feel and want to become close. I think for sure they'll understand and aim at making you feel closer and more comfortable. They may have no clue how painful this situation is. Telling them would make a world of difference.
You have to understand too that these people want to know and include you or wouldn't be friends.
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Im 24 and i have the same problem. I have a fiance. Girl , it aint easy living this way sometimes. This may sound odd to you but this is why I joined this site. Not only so I can feel like im helping someone but it also creates conversation, even if its a small one
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Relax your somewhat normal for your age. We all go through a stage of social anxiety at one time or another. I was cured of mine by a Drill Sargent in Air Force Basic Training. I'm not recommending you enlist in the Air Force or any other armed service. My father suffered with it way into his adult years. He turned his around when he took a job in the Marketing Department of a major Company. He took a Dale Carnegie course on Public Speaking. Which is an excellent course to take if you plan to work in any sector of business that will have you interacting with others and clients.
Another way to cure social anxiety is to meet with a psychologist for talk therapy. The psychologist becomes you new best friend. Someone you can trust with your deepest darkest secrets knowing no one will ever know what is spoken in therapy as it is confidential. Through talk therapy and being open and honest with the psychologist they can point out the cause of your problem, suggest ways to overcome it and help you raise your self-esteem.
Being 18 you are still covered under any insurance your parents may have at work. Ask then to find out if they have an EAP benefit. If they do ask them to get the number of the coordinator. Then call and ask them to help you find a psychologist to help you. They may ask the type of help you are looking for as psychologist do specialize so tell them. This information does not get back to your parents or their employer.
The first few visits should be paid for in full by the EAP program. Then your family health insurance kicks in as per the benefits of that program detail. You need to be comfortable with the therapist; if you are not call the EAP number again and ask for a different therapist.
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If I understand correctly, its not a fear of interacting with people, which I used to have, and is called social anxiety but feeling lost as to how to talk to people. Besides the social anxiety I had a low self confidence which might translate to what you are feeling since you used the word 'insecure'.
I have saved documents I can send depending on what you need. Let me know if you need the info on overcoming social anxiety, on how to gain self confidence or just tricks on how to talk to others and start and maintain conversation.
Write to me from my column to request any of these.
By the way, its not odd or pathetic to have problems talking to people. Many who are more outgoing with no anxieties, live their adult life feeling the same way you do and never doing anything about it.
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Hiya! Dr.D here!
Its okay.
I hope you know that you are a beautiful person. And there is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't lower your self esteem like that. Dont worry. Now let me see if I can help you. :-)
Hold your breath. It slowly grows uncomfortable right? to the point you want to release and breath in new air. That's whats happening. You just need to let out all your air, give and smile and go out into the day with happiness.
Words are hard to form in our mouths. And when I am nervous, I start messing up on the pronouncing of words. But you shouldn't be afraid. I say that if you mess up how can it hurt you? It may stab you in the moment, but then later it becomes a distant memory. Look at life knowing that if you mess up, why care? There is no need to because you may never see those people you mess up in front of again. And if you mess up in front of those who you do stick with, then its okay. Because I bet they wont care about your mistakes, but about the real you.
Just think life like that. When I stutter or make a mistake in front of people. I'll laugh, and continue on to what I was doing.
I hope I helped. Don't be afraid to mess up, because everyone has made plenty of mistakes.
-Dr.D :-)
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