(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
My ex's mom was primarily responsible for our split up 20 yrs ago, but now being married and settled in life, i still have sleepless and tearful nights, thinking of the past. I sometimes feel i should call ex's mom and ask for a sorry, for i never listened to her repeated dissprovals, until the last threat of a suicide. is it ok to cal, her..i sometimes feel, the relationship should close, but i am also if might start a chapter by givind details of my whereabouts. sometimes i feel, may be i should let the blood boil as my life had turned upside down after the unexpected heart break with an abortion.
The Answer
I wouldn't advise you to call her.
There isn't too much in your question to go on, but if you are looking for an apology from a person who was abusive and crazy twenty years ago - well, you aren't thinking clearly. You are far, FAR more likely to find more abuse than anything that will help you moving forward.
If you need to close this chapter of your life, get counseling and talk it over with a supportive professional.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Their looks just look average to me. If anything, above average, but if I saw one of them on the street I wouldn't be like "wow, he is so hot!" I'd just see them as just some regular guy. Not ugly or anything, though.
Celebrities I do find attractive are people like Andrew VanWyngarden (MGMT), David Bowie (when he was younger, without the makeup), and Syd Barrett (when he was young). I don't know, personality really makes me attracted to a guy, too. Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling just seem like typical guys, so maybe that's what I don't find attractive. They don't seem like they'd be interesting to talk to, and wouldn't really care about worldly issues and what not. They just seem like everyone else, and that's not attractive.
But if I saw a guy that looked like Syd Barrett did I'd be led to think there's more to him than just his looks. I don't know.. is this weird? I slightly see what girls find attractive about Ryan Gosling but especially with Channing Tatum I just don't feel anything. He has a hot body, don't get me wrong, but that's not enough for me to really like a guy, if that makes sense. I'm not that shallow
I don't think I'm gay though, cause I've only crushed on guys. It's just strange cause these are guys that apparently soo many other girls find attractive. Maybe I just like weird guys cause I'm weird myself? haha. Cause sometimes I'll see a guy (not a celeb) and at first he won't physically appeal to me, but once I get to know him and I like his personality then suddenly I start seeing him in a different way, like I'm suddenly aware of his hotness, haha
The Answer
You are just human is all.
That's all this is. Celebrity culture is something you have to buy into, and you haven't bought into the most common and hype form of it right now. It just doesn't work for you.
Nothing wrong with you. I like Gosling as an actor, but he doesn't really get me going. I find Tatum attractive, until he opens his mouth.
Human attraction is a fickle and many faceted thing.
You aren't a lesbian unless you like women. You like guys, you are just a little more aware of what you like, and a little less invested in the celebrity-ness of the current it boys.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Katie holmes says they are stalking and trying to scare her.evil and they expose personal business if you choose to leave their cult or not believe in them, they also kill people and make it look like an accident? Is it true they are evil? What do they really believe in?
The Answer
Scientology was created by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952. He was a science fiction writer earlier in life, and at first he called it a self-help system.
Eventually, he started to call it a religion. By all reports, because religions are tax exempt.
Scientology is system of beliefs that suggests human beings are immortal spirit type things that have forgotten their 'true nature'. To re-learn this truth, people get 'audited', which is a bit like counseling and a bit like, well, brainwashing honestly: Lots of repetitive tasks and call and answer exercises.
Scientology keeps track of everything people say to them in these auditing sessions, so they end up knowing a lot of very personal things. It's been said that they use it against people and threaten them when they want to leave.
They also believe in aliens and that bad aliens spirits are the cause of many human problems... They believe if a person becomes aware of their true 'spirit' and rid themselves of bad alien influences, they'll obtain magical-ish powers, like being able to convince people, heal themselves, and move objects with their minds.
They have some deeply inappropriate, paranoid and irrational ideas about mental health treatment, which has certainly lead to harm for some of their followers and contributed to the death of of at least one women (if not directly caused it).
There is a history of abuse on their compounds that is tantamount to slavery. They have formal policies of breaking up families if one member leaves the church.
So are they stalking Katie Holmes? They have certainly stalked critics before, and made threats against those who criticize them, so it certainly sounds possible.
Are they evil? Well, individual Scientology are not necessarily evil, but the Church and it's leaders have certainly behaved criminally in the past, and probably sill do.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for 2 yrs. We loved each other a lot but often had fights over little things & he would temporary break up with me (like me refusing to eat fish-which is a very imp part of his culture). It was a Saturday and my last exam was over, i couldn't wait to spend the evening with him. We were having a very nice evening when i passed a comment about his family having no property of their own and staying in a rented apartment. This upset him a lot and he broke up with me. We had no contact for a week and i missed him. The following Saturday evening, he stopped by to collect his stuff from my place when i cried & apologized but he stuck to his decision. He was going to a pub with his friends (two guys). I felt sad and depressed that night and requested him to let me come along too to which he agreed. i tried getting his attention the whole time there but he ignored me & spoke to his friends about another girl he found hot and how she'd be a perfect fit in the family. I was heart broken & i allowed myself to get absolutely drunk and while they were dropping me back home, my boyfriend sat in front with one of his friends who was driving while i sat behind with the other..now i dont remember anything in the car but he saw me give his frnd a peck on his lips from the rear view mirror.The next day he calls me all sorts of names, tells his parents too..he said he would've gotten back if i hadn't done this..he says i cheated on him and i must be his bitch and get out of my skin to get him back. Its been 2 months now and he hasn't gotten back but treats me like his bitch. I have quit drinking out of my own will. i really love the guy, what must i do?
The Answer
The thing about a break up is that it doesn't need to be 'justified' it just IS, because for whatever reason, just or not, one person decides that they are out.
He decided he is out.
Thank goodness one of you did because you two are horrible to each other! Destructive, nasty and at least a little bit abusive.
Nothing you have done to one another, the cheating, the name-calling, the attention-seeking, is justified. It was all unjustified and nasty! There is no good reason for anyone to behave that way towards anyone else.
Stop letting him treat you like his bitch - whatever that means. Put a stop to it by getting him out of your life and keeping him out of your life.
Move on. Try to behave better, with someone else.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I don't know what to do with my boyfriend since he keeps hanging up on me,he just stops calling me for the whole day,he acts as though he was actually playing with me,he knows I am very sensitive and overemotional,and he seems to take advantage of that.The thing is that I don't wanna dump him,I cannot imagine my life without him;right away I start missing him a lot,I cry a lot and he knows this;so everytime we have the slightest argument he hangs up on me and spends the rest of the day without calling me or texting me,this situation sucks and I don't want it anymore,but I just don't know what to do,I don't know what to do with him.Last night we sorted things out but he warned me that if we start a fight again, he'll do the same no matter how much I cry and how much I beg him to call me.He's acting as a bad person and I know with all my heart that he's a good guy,he's got a good heart,then why does he do this?and what do I with him?Thanks for taking the time to read this;)
The Answer
He's being rude.
You need to be able to tell him that, and to ask him to stop.
So, you are too sensitive and overly emotional. That sucks. For both of you. That is something you should work on and try to address.
But it's not something that makes it okay for him to act rudely.
And what is even worse, he gave you an ultimatum where he said no matter what, he was going to behave rudely in the future!
So you both clearly need to change your approach to fighting. That is something you need to talk about, and you both need to be open to compromising. That might mean not talking when you are too upset to hold a conversation, and you learning to accept that and cool down on your own.
But if you continue down this path, it can't possibly last. You need to come to a better understanding of how to handle a fight. This way wont work.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi, whenever we go out he starts looking at the other women or girls but in home he makes me feel like i'm a princess. he's in his late 40's and single father and i'm in my mid 30's. when we started to date he was so sweet and kissing me all the time and holding hands. we love each other and we live together. so guys, my question is he obviously has a roving eyes that means is he wanting to cheat or is he just wishing that he could have a one night with those women? i mean i have jokingly told him that he has a very roving eyes and he replied, only looking not touching so it doesn't better. what does he mean? thanks.
The Answer
I am a firm believer that those who have eyes will look, and that it is fine to notice and appreciate the physicality of those around you. It doesn't necessarily mean someone is more prone to cheat than anyone else.
However, if he does this to extent that you notice and that he is completely aware of his 'roving eyes' then he is likely crossing the line from 'noticing pretty people' to 'being rude'.
What he means when he says "Only looking not touching" very simply that he doesn't think he is being rude, either to you, or to the women he is admiring.
He probably doesn't want to cheat. He probably isn't even giving it enough thought to 'want one night'. Most likely, he's just distracted by something shiny.
But it's worth reminding him that staring is rude. Staring is rude when you are staring a crazy person or an ugly person, and it's rude when you are staring at pretty people. No one expects him to never look at an attractive person again, but out of respect for you, for the strangers he's looking at, and most importantly, to set a good example for his children (especially if there is a are little girl) he should make a greater effort to check this behavoir.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
im 33 male. dated a 28 yr old girl for 1 yr and 8 months. she has a 9 yr old son. broke up this january. we had a lot of petty fights etc as time went on. abt a month ago i entered into a new relationship. she had done so as well (her new bf has been in and out of jail). i told her it was a bad idea and we fought throught text. they broke up and she informed me. last week she texted thanking me for my help as shes finishing nursing school. we have been texting a bit more often nothing ridiculous. texted a lot sunday and i sais i wanted her back. she said come over im lonely and want to have sex w u but no relationship. i did so, and spent the night cuddling, had breakfast etc. i told my current gf that i have feelings for my ex and need to step back a lot. my ex and i went for lunch yesterday. i keep saying ive learned a lot and wed do better. she is resisting my approaches but hints at future sexual meetings or maybe hanging out. i know i want her back but am emotional abt it and she sees it. what do i do??
The Answer
Stop stringing your current 'girlfriend' along. You don't want to be with her. You want to at least sleep with you ex, and possibly date her. So, you are just keeping her hanging in case it doesn't work out with your ex.
It sounds like you are also willing to sleep with your ex, and not be upfront with your current girlfriend about not being sexually exclusive with her.
And that is a shitty thing to do!
That makes you a lousy person and an asshole.
So, don't do shitty things!
Be honest and upfront and end that relationship before ANYTHING else happens.
Call her up and do it now.
Whatever happens with your ex is going to happen - or not happen - regardless. The best thing you can do is be honest with everyone, and you honestly don't want to be with your current girlfriend.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My parents divorced when I was 15 months old. My mother had custody, while my father had visitation. I remember times not seeing my dad, some because he never showed up free he said he would, other times there was just limited visits. After I turned 5 I completely stopped seeing my father an stepmother. Growing up, I was told my father did this or that, whether my brother and I asked or just information thrown at us. Now I am 27, and have slowly begun to form a relationship with my father. I have had about 4 visits with him in the past year and a half. About 4 months ago I've developed a relationship with my stepmother also. Her and I have become close. My stepmother informed me of my fathers side I the story of why my parents split. Evidentially there were marital issues, therefore resulting in a trial separation, when my mother decided to have an "affair" while seperated and going to counseling. Granted my biological mother and I have always had a tense relationship, but this news made me feel very angry with my biological mom. I questioned my brother on why I had been told, and he confirmed that my mother slept with someone else. I never knew til recently, however my mom told my brother quite some time ago. Since I've started taking to my stepmother my mom has been snooping some and trash talking my dad and stepmother, I assume to continue hiding her secret, as she does not know I am aware of her infidelity. So, my question is do I have a right to be angry with my mother? And how should I approach telling her I know when the subject arises again?
The Answer
You don't have much of a right to be pissed with her about infidelity that took place almost 3 decades ago. It's not something you will ever know the full story of and you actually aren't entitled to the full story of your parents break up. It's way in the past, and none of them should have dragged you back through the muck of things that happened with you were a toddler. They should have moved forward with you, responsibly and respectfully, not re-ligated past crimes.
You CAN dislike your mother in general.
You can be disappointed and unhappy about her snooping and trash-talking now.
You can even be angry about how she handled it and told your brother, but not you.
Those are legitimate things and hurtful things, but what you can't do is blame her and judge her for an act of infidelity that took place while her marriage was collapsing in the 80s.
That's a step too far. That's not fair. Don't start being unfair and cruelly judgmental to her, just because you feel she hasn't behaved well towards others.
Accept that will never know the truth of what happened. All you can know is for sure is that both of your parents made mistakes, and that doesn't make either of them terrible people, just people.
As for dealing with your mother, I'd suggest that you approach the trash talking desperately from your knowledge about the affair.
Because they are actually totally separate issues.
The trash talking can be addresses by you very calmly telling her she needs to speak respectfully of your father and step-mother. It's okay if she doesn't like them, but you don't want to hear her attacking them. She's going feel hurt when you stand up for them - after all - in her mind, regardless of their reasons, they abandoned you when you were very young - she was the one was around. She'll be hurt when she feels you are siding with them and her hurt will be understandable and legitimate.
Telling her you know about the affair should be handled separately, at a calmer moment when you aren't fighting about anything else. You need to remember that the bigger problem here isn't that she HAD an affair (remember: humans make mistakes and it's not your job to sit in judgement of the failure of your parents marriage), but you should be able to ask her about why she wasn't comfortable talking to you about what happened, and how hurtful and confusing that is.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I don't know if it is ok to have sex in the shower without a condom is it safe could I catch an STD from the shower water?
The Answer
Having sex in the shower (or in a pool, or whatever) is just as risky as having sex in a bed. You can still get STDs. You can still get pregnant.
It is - in fact - more risky to have sex with a condom in the water than in your bed... Condoms are more likely to break or slip in the water and changing temperatures.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi Razhie,
I really admire your advice on here, so I just wondering if you could help me out or give me an opinion on my excerpt. Thank you so much!
20/f. I have been with my bf for 18 months now, and sometimes I contemplate whether or not we will be together forever or if I am wasting my time. We have so much fun together and definitely lots in common, but we also have very big differences as well, such as some of my friends obviously don't like him, and my family is not a fan of him either. As for his friends and family, they love me. There isn't a really solitified reason why some of my friends and family don't like him, it just kind of came to be that way. I'm also very outgoing and social, with lots of friends; he has one good friend, and two other casual friends. It may not seem like a big difference, but it is when it comes down to making plans and lifestyles, etc. As my last point, sometimes I think he can be a bit immature for our age, but only with his not having a job reasoning, and how he never pays EVER when we go out. Actually, I pay almost all of the time, unless he brings money, then we pay separately. I have listed a lot of negatives, but there are lots of positives as well. I just don't know what to do or what to think. Any opinion would be very appreciated, thank you! Sorry this was long.
The Answer
It sounds like it's just not working for you.
You don't really give us very much to go on, but I'm going to assume that if this relationship was working for you, you probably wouldn't be asking a question.
Some times it's a bit of good luck to have a massive, obvious reason that a relationship isn't going to work - like cheating, for instance - but more often it's just a slow and gradual realization that you don't have the relationship you really want to have.
A lot of the things you mention here are also not long-term things. Nothing about goals or plans for the future, just dating. Maybe that's what you want right now - just to date - or maybe you are looking for more in your relationship. No way for me to know.
If the money issue is bugging you, bring it up. Talk it out. Money is a major issue for many couples, and it only get worse if you let it lie.
If you just aren't certain of the relationship overall - there is nothing much anyone can say. You'll need to figure out a bit more about what you want, and if this is someone you can get that with or not.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I am a high school teacher & I'm teaching summer school this year. there is a student that I've known for a couple of years & I've taught her in the 8th grade also.
She has a crush on me, and it's pretty obvious. She blushes & smiles when I talk to her.
She told her friends who told another friend and so on, now loads of students know. She always finds some way to draw attention to herself, so I have to pay attention to her loads.
She is a good student & she's smart, but she tries to flirt with me, I don't flirt. I don't think she's trying to do anything inappropriate, but she's just always trying to get my attention. I'm nice to her and I treat her like everyone else.. I look at most of my students like they are my own kids and I see her as a daughter.
It's frustrating, is there anything I can do? I don't want to be mean to her or hurt her feelings. I did on accident once and I felt bad. Any ideas?
The Answer
Just keep doing what you are doing. Treat her like everyone else. If anything, don't worry too much about hurting her feelings - of course we don't want to hurt other people - but she is being rather rude (perhaps without meaning to be, but she is) and it's fair for her to learn that this behavoir isn't helping her goal - it's frustrating and annoying to you.
If her attention-seeking behavoir in class is a problem, talk to her about that. Not about the crush, but about her being deliberately disruptive in class. Let her know that you believe she can behave better if she tries. The crush isn't really the issue there - her behavoir as a student is the issue.
You might also consider talking to your superiors at and letting them know what is going on. They might have some guidance, or a preferred way for you to handle this, and getting them into the loop could help protect you in the future.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm not sure if this is peer pressure but anyway.my boyfriend wants me to have sex with random guys infront of him but I don't want to. He says he will brake up with me if I don't and my friends say they won't be my friends anymore. I turned 12 a few days ago and he is 16. I don't want to be a little slut but what am I going to do without my friends? And I really love my boyfriend. My boyfriend always wanted to have sex with me and to finger me but I always said no and he didn't mind but now he does mind and I don't know what to do!
The Answer
Break up with him.
Do it over the phone or email if you are afraid of him.
This is why it's illegal in most places for a 16 year old to get sexually involved with a 12 year old - because 16 year olds who want girlfriends that much younger than them, often just want them because they think they can get away with abusing them.
He is abusing you. Your friends are even worse.
I know it's scary, but friends who ask you to put yourself in danger are not friends at all. They are abusive assholes who are trying to hurt you.
Stay away from them and talk to an adult if they don't leave you alone. What they are doing is 100% wrong. You need to get away from them and stay safe.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So I'm a sixteen year old girl and I just started having a texting conversation with this guy last night. We started at about eleven thirty pm and didn't end until three am.
At first we talked about our summer day camp that we're a part of. He's a activity leader and teaches me stuff and said that I was doing well. Then I got him to get rid of my annoying nickname. Soon he was asking me about my bedtime and how old I was. Then he asked my birthday and why I'm so shy. Eventually it got to him wanting me to tell him about myself. I didn't know what to say, and I told him that, but he said it wasn't hard. We then spent a half hour arguing that. I did finding something to tell him and he kept on texting "go on".
It got to a point where he was asking me questions like my sexuality, if I party a lot, if I drink or smoke, if I'm a virgin and what kind of girl I am. He ended up asking me what I looked for in a guy and he wanted me to ask him what he saw in a girl.
It doesn't make me uncomfortable, but normally I text about things that I like or want to do or about my writing or whatever to my normal groups of friends. But this guys says that I'm asking 13 year old questions and to start asking stuff that 16 year olds care about. I asked him what this was and he said "grownup questions" and "questions that you're normally afraid to ask" or "makes you think". He did get tired of asking me questions and said "jst tell bout urself so i will know wat kind of women i hav in my camp"
He keeps up bringing up conversations a while after we end them. Like, after we spent about three hours texting until three am, at eleven thirty am he started another conversation with me until one pm. Then around four we texted until nine. And he keeps on wanting to know about me.
Do sixteen year olds, and teenagers for that matter, really talk a lot about sex and drugs and partying? It seems like that's all he talks about. I don't want to offend him because he's my camp leader and he has a LOT of power over me and he's the main one who teaches me how to do everything right.
What do I talk to him about?
The Answer
Um, you don't talk to him about anything, because he's been creepy and trying to use his position as an instructor to make you talk about sexual stuff.
He is ABUSING the power he has over you as a camp leader. This IS sexual harassment.
Seriously - please take it from a girl a bit older than you - that is what he is doing here. It's unfair, cruel and in many cases, illegal.
The reason all he talks about is sex and partying, is because that is the game he trying to run on you. Most PEOPLE have more things (and more interesting things, like your writing, or your plans with friends) to talk about then that. When people only want to talk about that, it's because that's all they want from you.
The reason he only wants to talk about sex and parties with you, is because he is enjoying sexually harassing you. He's daring you to be 'more mature' with him, because he wants to get you to text him about sexual things. He is trying to get more and more sexual comments out of you. Lord knows how far he'll decide to go.
If I were you, I'd tell him to stop texting me and tell him you'll show the texts to his boss if he doesn't stop asking you personal questions about sex and sexuality.
I know it's scary to stand up for yourself against someone with power over you - but that is EXACTLY why he is doing this to you, because he has power over you. He might not understand how completely wrong this is. He might not mean to be abusive. But he is wrong, and it is abusive.
Tell him to stop. If he doesn't, tell an adult. Imagine if he is abusing his position like this with other girls. Maybe even young ones, and what he might be asking them to do or say to him, how they might not have the courage to tell him to stop either. You can help them (and him) by telling an adult to interfere and show this guy how not okay what he is doing is.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So, I'm going to be 20 in a few months,so I'm not a teenager (though I feel far too young to be a parent!) and my boyfriend who i have known for a year but we have gotten serious the past few months has been saying he wants children with me one day.
I'm at university at the moment, and I love children I'm studying to become a child psychologist in fact! so he said while I study, no children at all but still, 22 doesn't seem old enough to be raising a family!
I know it's all a big "what if" and "you may not be together" but I have a feeling we will still be with each other after my course is done.
He has one child which may or may not be his (I am very doubtful personally) and I know he is a good father to him... But still, the idea of having children terrifies me and sends chills down my spine, idk if I'd be a good mother and I am certain I don't want to go through all that pregnancy malarkey, is that a normal feeling? Do you agree that 22 isn't the right age to have children?
Also, when does it become a danger to have them, for all my fears I do WANT a family, I just don't want to wait until it will all go wrong! help please
The Answer
You aren't ready. You know you likely wont be ready at 22.
I mean, that's really all there is to be said.
When the fears, uncertainty and lack of information/experience override the desire for something - that generally means you aren't ready for that something.
In a reasonable person those fears fade away and become manageable as you get more answers, more experience and information, and are generally more prepared for the thing you want to have.
So, normal. Totally normal. You know you aren't ready, so it's totally fine to also feel not ready.
So relax a bit, and if you want, tell your boyfriend to back off a bit. It's understandable that with one kid 'under his belt' so to speak, he has less concerns or thoughts about 'readiness'. Ready or not, he's there.
On the flip side, you obviously would rather take the choice to become a parent really seriously, and that's awesome! It might not work out. You might get a surprise, and like him, be forced to be take the plunge and do your best with it.
But you'd rather plan it, so good, go ahead and plan it.
And let him know that motherhood at 22 is probably not your plan - because you know it probably isn't.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I went over to my friends house the other day with four other people. Two of them are dating and the other two are dating also. We watched a movie and all my 2 friends did was make out! Is it stupid for me to think that it was really rude? I mean they could have at least gone into a different room right? I think there is a limit on PDA and they crossed it.... Is that wrong to think this? Oh btw I'm 14 and a girl.
The Answer
Nope. You are right. That was really, really rude.
You would have been perfectly right to ask them to stop, or take it someplace else.
It's not a polite way to behave when hanging out with other people.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Alright, so I'm just curious to know how many of you believe in ghosts and like paranormal activity?
I was always a bit sceptical until something really strange happened my sister..
She has a baby boy who is 6months old and she was over at her boyfriends house,(he lives with his grandparents)he was outside working.
She was downstairs on her own on her laptop when she thought she heard footsteps on the stairs. She presumed in was her boyfriend and carried on. Only then she heard strange sounds. She said she would go upstairs and check the baby monitor up she went and it was working away and the baby was fast asleep. She went back down and continued working. Only then she said she heard a women's voice singing the nursery rhyme "all around the mulberry bush" she thought it was her laptop but it wasn't. She went upstairs to check the monitor again and it was off batteries flat! She heard the voice again. It was really clear. Naturally she was super freaked out. A few days later a similar thing happened when her boyfriend was there only this time it was "mary mary quite contrary"
Her boyfriends granddad said his mother used to live in the house who is deceased now sand she used to sing rhymes to him when he was a baby so they think it could be her watching over my nephew.
I don't know it seems so far fetched but I believe my sister she wouldn't make that up. Especially since she thinks it's all nonsense aswell.
Although when she was younger my mum said my sister claimed she saw our deceased granddad on numerous occasions. One time she fell in the playground at school and a teacher went to help her up and she said "it's okay granddad is doing it" Maybe it was just imagination.
Who knows. So what do you guys believe? any freaky experiences?
Thanks for answering!
The Answer
I believe that all 'supernatural' experiences are either perfectly natural phenomena or perfectly natural misunderstandings of the human brain.
For information on WHY human beings brains are so prone to believing in magic, divination, ghosts and all other sorts of irrational things, there is this really fun book called Why People Believe Weird Things by Micheal Shermer. Look it up.
The truth is that our brains are fantastic little sense-making machines. It's not as exciting as ghosts, but it's way cooler.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my dad got secretively remarried after a few yrs of my mom's death. My mom had committed suicide and was mentally ill. She told that dad had ilicit relatinship. but could not trust her word for she was very disoriented in her speech. my dad after that was good t me until recently he never talks or visits me or my kids anymore, he got my sign in all property documents and locker accounts, He sold our properties and has invested in other, whose details are vague for me, He claimed he has bought a property in joint account for me , but now he wants to sell it away, and buy another property for me elsewhere. He does not want to hand over the property ever to me, until his demise as he wants to take the rent from them. He also did not diclose that he has a bought a house for himself and his wife, and has never invited us to this new home. We happened to buy a flat in the same apartments, only to find out that my dad occupies a flat there, which was shocking and we could never move into it, because of the embarraseement. my inlaws are unaware of the second wife. now, dad wants my PAN card (Income tax card, a photo identity) copy to get posession of the property. Can I hand over the legal document. Can I ever trust him?? or should I ever trust him. my husband does not want me to give the PAN copy. Please advice.
The Answer
In your position, I wouldn't give your father any legal standing in my life. If he wants to gift you the property - that's lovely, that means it's yours and he cannot continue managing it without your knowledge. If he wants to leave it to you when he dies, he can spell that out in his will.
Frankly, if someone wanted to put property I knew nothing about in my name, while they continued to make income on it, I'd be concerned they were doing something illegal.
But since he already is holding property in your name, you should talk to a lawyer.
And a family therapist to give you some tactics for coping with your father's secretive and disrespectful actions.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
People overlooked all the problems Amy Winehouse had as tragic, and still loved her, when she was alive. But when MJ was alive, despite him getting cleared of the legal issues, people mercilessly made fun of "wacko jacko", until his death. And then now, another British celebrity called Cheryl Cole assaulted a toilet attendant (a middle aged black woman) after she tried to stop her from stealing some candy. And yet people still give that the blind eye and then say to not focus on her past as it happened so long ago. But after Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna, people thought Chris Brown should be locked up forever. And now, after he's done his time for his crime, people still want him to never be successful again. What the hell? Only some people can be forgiven for their mistakes? Look at other celebrities who messed up in the past but people have forgiven. Robert Downey Jr, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears etc. People cheer on Lindsay Lohan and hope the best for her, despite all she's done, but when Chris Brown makes one mistake he should be condemned forever? Add in Whitney Houston to this mix, too. People went from joking at her drug issues when she was alive to saying they were big fans and everything after she died. And then again, people praise and laugh with Charlie Sheen, and praise his bad deeds.
What is wrong with people nowadays? Am I overreacting or is this really racism? Cause I can think of so many examples now. Like with the Trayvon Martin case, just because Trayvon Martin wasn't a saint, people tried to use that as justification for Zimmerman to kill him. You can't just go stalk and kill someone in the street. We have laws in this country for a reason. It's just frustrating to see how racism is still in this society. Like again, with Obama, I don't care if someone's against his policies and what not, but I don't understand why some people have to use racist things that have nothing to do with him as an insult. Like despite all the evidence, birthers still can't believe Obama could be born in America, for example.
Why is America still so racist? I've lived in various countries and literally don't have a racist bone in my body (I think it's illogical to be racist or stereotypical cause we're all individuals), but as I've grown I've learned to not be as sensitive and understand that there's still racist people, cause it's not worth it to spend all my life being sad that our world isn't as perfect as I want it to be. all I can do is just try to be a good person and be nice and nonjudgmental towards everyone.
sorry this is really long but it still does bother me, cause I just think it's pointless. I'm so tired of humans being mad at other humans for stupid reasons like color, having a different lifestyle, different religion, sexuality, etc. we could accomplish so much if we didn't waste so much time, money, and lives trying to hurt each other for having different qualities. we're all humans, dammit. it's like people know this, but they don't truly comprehend it.
The Answer
Well, I don't think you are wrong per-say, but you are a bit all over the place with your thinking and you are going to miss a lot if you continue on with this extreme focus. Simply labeling everything you've mentioned here as 'racist' is an oversimplification of a bunch of social phenomenons, including racism.
Which isn't to say that racism isn't at play in many ways, subtle and overt. But what is likely a much larger issue than racism in a lot of these cases, is celebrity culture.
And with the celebrities you've mentioned, you've done cherry picking in your interpretations of public opinion, 'cause from where I am standing Naomi Campbell and Chris Brown still get work and make heaps of money and be cheered on by adoring fans, despite it being proven beyond any reasonable doubt in courts that they have habits of violence that just seem to continue on and on with very minimal punishment. I'm not sure who think is routing for Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears, 'cause no one I know is doing anything but guilty enjoying their car-wreaks of personal lives. Cheryl Cole is probably going to get a pass this time, because she's in her 30s with no prior violence on her record and she really just isn't all the damn famous, so no one really cares.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall is definitely a factor here. Chris Brown, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston and MJ all cracked very near the peak of their fame - that gets remembered very differently then stars who collapse as their fame dwindles.
Birtherism is undoubtedly racist, but it's also a common political tactic to attempt to invalidate your opponent's win. With Bush it was the ludicrous activities in Florida that cast doubt on his second term, with Obama it's bitherism. Racism feeds into in a big way, but it's also what happens in politics. If he were a white democrat, the radical right would still be trying to invalidate his presidency, birtherism just wouldn't be as easy a sell.
Also happens in the news. People who wanted to be contrary were going to try and rip down the victim (Trayvon Martin) no matter what colour his skin was. Just the same way subtle hints are used to suggest a woman was asking to be stalked, hit or raped, or that teens hanging out late/in a bad neighborhood deserved to be beaten. Regardless of skin colour, this is what happens when any story gets that kind of attention and is interwoven with policy question. The crazies come out and try to make their point by ripping down the victim in some way. Was racism at play in the case of Travyon Martin? Undoubtedly. Was it the only factor in the treatment his case received? Undoubtedly not.
As part of your recognizing people as individuals, you need to widen your vision a bit. Racism is certainly a factor in what you've described here, but so are many other social factors, and all of those observations are being run through your own personal filter. You need to understand that people's motivations and thoughts (and the media's) are almost always more complex then just racist. There is a lot more going on. That is part of why it's not comprehensible as a whole.
Racism is real, it's impacting your world, but it is absolutely not the only thing that defining the situations you've described here - in some cases I doubt it's even the largest factor at play.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hello
I am in a very scary situation right now. And I'm just trying to reach out. I met this guy on mubi.com which is a social networking site for people who likes movies.
He seemed super cool and I really liked him at first but then slowly he started getting more weird. I found out he was doing drugs, and the more i distanced myself from him the crazier he started to act.
(I also need to mention that he is from the states and I live in Canada)
I stopped talking to him completely in January. I blocked him on all social networking sites. He would make new fake profiles and send me these scary crazy messages saying how much he was in love with me and that he was coming for me. That he was hearing voices telling him I was his soulmate and how we're gonna have a kid together and he just knows it. Despite me telling him over and over again to leave me alone and that I wasn't interested he kept on harrassing me.
He is a complete psycho. I think he might be psychiztophrenic.
On wednesday at 4:30 pm I recieved an e-mail from him saying that he had driven to vancouver from the newyork to come and surprise and they didn't allow him to enter (for reasons I don't know yet). He said he was gonna come to my house and surprise me. He asked me how I felt about that, and that he was gonna try again the next day.
It was one of the most surreal and scary moments of my life. Knowing he knows where i live and he was coming to 'surprise' me.
I was kind of paranoid that this would happen before it did because he had made a blog just for me. Directing everything at me. Sometimes threatening.
I e-mailed him back and said that I was calling the police.
I called the police and I went down to the station and filled out a police report and talked to the officer for 40 minutes.
I didn't have enough proof to make him understand how crazy he really was. I just took a copy of the e-mail he had sent me.
The officer said he would call them at the border to let them know whats going on. and he said he would e-mail him to hear 'his side of the story' which was kind of disheartening.
I went to stay at my aunt's that night because I was terrified. He kept on e-mailing me that night saying things like 'come on you fraidy cat, what am I gonna bite you?'
I was having severely anxiety that night and couldn't stop shaking. I e-mailed him again and told him that I wanted to nothing to do with him again and he emailed me back and said hat he was gonna go back and to tell the police officer to back off...
The next day I got a call from the border saying that he was there again with a new story. And they asked me if I wanted him there and that he had told them I was his gf and he was going to suprise me.
They said he's been flagged and he won't be allowed in again. Even if he tries to fly in he would get in trouble.
I told them about the drugs and said he might even be hiding drugs. They said there was something strange about his demeanor.
I'm sorry this is so long but he emailed me again saying he was gonna go and that i should wouldn't 'he thought'
I came home today after staying at my aunt's since wednesday. Despite the officer and the border officer telling me he is flagged and wont be allowed in again I am still scared. I can't help it. My mind is getting the best of me. I live by myself and I am scared to go to sleep. I keep thinking what if he tried to come again and they let him in this time
I need advice on how to cope with this. It's one of the worst thinsg I've ever experienced in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.
The Answer
Eep.
I know it's a bit disheartening for a police to call him for 'his side of the story' but honestly, that is basically the best thing that could have happened. Police have generally sound bullshit detectors, and more importantly, this creep now knows that you meant what you said, and you DID go get the police involved.
And they did the right thing, and stopped him, and will keep on stopping him. They get it and are on your side.
So take heart, as awful as this situation is, so far things are going text book 100% right as far as getting it addressed.
I'm not sure how to help you cope with this other than that. It's not the kind of thing a person really can cope with.
You may try calling the Canadian National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010 or the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence
at 1-800-267-1291 (that one might be better, they are connected to the RCMP) they might have some additional advice or guidance for you.
Other than that, the best thing you can do is speak up. Let your friends, neighbors, school or employer know a bit of what's going on. I know it feels embarrassing, but it shouldn't be. You haven't done anything wrong, you are being victimized by a crazy person, and the people around you can help to defend you. Them knowing to be suspicious of anyone asking about you or showing up around you place can help keep you safe.
You might also ask a friend to come and have a sleep over for a night or two. Buy them dinner and have some good breakfast foods about. It might help you sleep.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Ok, so my mom says that my boyfriend and I are a two people relationship. Which is true. But my boyfriend's sister 15s are coming up and she's going to a LMFAO concert and I would like to go. So that would be the three of us plus one more person, a friend of hers. My mom has made it clear in the past that she advices against me going with my boyfriend and his sister. Should I pass up going?
The Answer
I don't understand your mother's reasoning at all.
Yes, you are two people in a relationship. But you are two people in a relationship who have OTHER relationships, like friends and family.
Can you spend too much time with your partner's family? Sure. You absolutely can damage your relationship with your boyfriend by being too involved in his family life - but you can't pretend they don't exist either.
If you are invited and want to go, just go. It's almost more rude and damaging to say no to such an invite, then it is to tag along with family.
(View All Other Answers.)