Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 73

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

128247

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi, I am 18 years old boy and everything was going normal when one day while bathing I discovered that my testicles were bigger and I was surprised that they were not so big a few days ago and since then I am feeling very uneasy while sitting, walking and running as it is very irritating for me as they rub in between my thigs while sitting, walking or running,is it normal? Please advice.

I'm female and I know that testicles come in all sorts of sizes and some close to the body while others dangle. I would assume you bath at least once a week if not every day. So if it has grown a noticeable amount in a weeks time, no one grows that fast normally, even if your body is not quite done growing. Males at 18-21 will still have some fine changes yet to their body even though they are mostly at their adult size. Shoulders can still get broader into the 30s and my husband was bare until mid thirties when he started getting real hairy all over his body. Best to check with a doctor to be sure this isn't a swelling and make sure there is nothing wrong.
If there is nothing wrong, then at that point talk to other guys who have more bulk down there, especially if there is a lot that dangles. Find what they do for comfort. If nothings wrong, you may just want to buy looser clothing.

I’m getting my nails done with acrylics and I have work on Sunday and it’s monday how long will it take until they feel Natural

I have only used the temp glue on nails in the past when I was younger. HOwever I wore them not short but a medium functional length and therefore, it was only barely longer than my own nails which are weak.
SO it was no problem getting used to at all.
The problem is when the nails are real long and longer than you've ever had your own in your life.
IT depends on the kind of work you do.

I use the tips of my fingers more when just my own short nails. I prefer that. However I am going to a Halloween themed wedding after Halloween and put on long fake nails to be part of witches costume. I found the problem was I could not type very well. I had trouble picking anything small up as I was trying to do it with the sides of fingers. I couldn't use the pad of my finger for even pushing buttons on a bath room code or our older vehicle without fobs. I just didn't have the strength in pushing with just the pad of forefinger. I actually pressed one thumb over the other thumb to get van door open. It's only for a costume but I took them back off and will reapply the night before the wedding. I suggest you ask the beautician to give you work length nails and she'll know what to do. If still too long, you could go back and have her shorten them.

So.... Halloween is tomorrow and my boss is letting us dress up. I am going as Minnie Mouse and I will be wearing a knee length red polka dotted skirt and red and white top with bloomers and tights and of course Minnie Mouse ears. My question is should I wear my tights under or over the bloomers? I know this may sound stupid , but I have never wore bloomers before.

I guess the question is whether you want the bloomers as part of the costume. If so wear regular panties first, tights over that and bloomers more for the look over the Tights.
the problem with tights over bloomers is that if these are really bloomers, they are looser with ruffles around the leg openings. So if tights were worn over it and the bloomers as your panties, the tights would compress the extra fabric against you and there might be uncomfortable folds in the fabric of bloomers. Go for comfort because its unlikely anyone is going to have a chance to actually see that part of your costume.
In fact, bloomers are not necessary unless your skirt is really short and underwear might show.

Hello. I'm a 26 year old female. I am currently in graduate school and nearing my last semester. This may be a bit long, as I have to explain my circumstances regarding employment and that may take a paragraph or two. First and foremost, I live in Miami. For those who don't know, Miami has the biggest gap in the country between earned wages and housing cost. Jobs that REQUIRE a master's degree typically pay $40,000-$60,000, while the average home cost is near $350,000. The typical/average rent is near $2000. Now, you can rent in an efficiency for much cheaper and there are apartments in certain areas that rent for $1200. This is for a one bedroom apartment and does not include electric or cable. Consider that someone making $40,000 as a starting professional, after taxes, makes roughly $2500 a month. If you rent the cheapest apartment, most of your check goes to housing and to your vehicle. Many people my age live with their parents, who purchased their homes during a time when housing cost was very minimal. I have been fortunate in some regards, and not so fortunate in others. As a child, I was extremely over-protected. I was not allowed to sleep in my own room or my own bed. I had to sleep with my mother. I grew up in my grandparents home. This meant that staying at the library late to study was considered scandalous. So, at 24, I moved into a graduate housing at my previous institution. But, I transferred because that institution was extremely expensive. I now have 1 more semester to complete of graduate school. I currently live in my mom's house (not in my grandparents house), but in the efficiency. So, I technically have my own place. It has a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I have two dogs and it's great because they have a backyard. My mom has borderline personality disorder. She is absolutely unstable. There have been times that she has kicked me out of the house because she disliked the way I brushed my hair. She has violently knocked on my door and grabbed me by the throat. She encouraged me to commit suicide. She closed a door on my hand violently, nearly fracturing my wrist. It is not uncommon that she displays her teeth at me, like a dog. Having lived with her, on our own, has made me eternally grateful for being raised with my grandparents. Even if I didn't have my own room, at least I was safe. As an adult, I've been able to find refuge in my car, in a hotel, or at a friend's house temporarily. But, I don't feel completely safe in this efficiency. There is always a chance that she will become violent. Last month, I accepted a full time job that had nothing to do with my career, in higher education administration (academic affairs within a university). I decided to take this position in hopes that I would be able to rent an apartment and flee the unsafe place. But, it did not work out with this job. It started out with sexual jokes and the office manager then started giving detailed descriptions as to how he would rape a woman. So, I left. I will not succumb to that. I am not going to trade one unsafe situation for another one. There were several incidents that occurred that led up to me resigning. This was just the final one. I was then offered a part-time job within my career at a local community college. The job pays very well. So, it's not such a burden to be working only part-time. In reality, it is probably best to be working part-time as I am nearing the end of school. I have to complete an internship this semester, where I was behind in hours because I had to work full time. So, this opportunity fell into my lap at the best time possible. The thing is that it is very difficult to get a job within my career without a master's degree. Everywhere you search for jobs, it says "master's required," which I totally understand. If the master's wasn't required, I wouldn't be working so hard to finish mine! :). So, to be able to get this opportunity before even getting my masters puts me in a really good position. It means I'll likely be the first interviewed because I have experience that others may not. I feel extremely blessed and I'm incredibly excited. I spoke with my advisor and mentor, and she really convinced me that this was the best opportunity. Everything about this is good and positive. There is only one thing. My mom pays for absolutely nothing. She works and her entire check goes to her car and shopping. She doesn't not pay energy, cable, nothing. And when she contributes even one dollar, she will remind you that she did so for months! Even though this job pays well for a part-time position, I don't feel that I can sustain the entire house on my own. She is using the majority of the energy, as I live in a furnished garage and she lives in the house. She refuses to be on a cheaper cable plan. I have dreamt of moving out for several reasons. Alongside her being unsafe, the family does not condemn her behaviors. They are always making excuses for her. My aunt... her sister... even told me that I was "not a child, but not a grown up either!" But, they sure see me as a grown-up when they need money or someone to babysit her grandchildren. They see me as an adult when the cable bill and energy bill are due. They see me as an adult when they ask me to pay HER bills and other money that she owes to various people. To the family in general, I'm nothing more than an ATM. I am under appreciated and expected to deliver at every twist and turn. I'm tired of being used. And this is why I want to leave. But, at the same time, what would really secure my future away from this toxic life is my career. Sure, here I won't be making much money, but I can do much better in another state. It's that degree that will grant me access to better jobs and more opportunities. So, the priority is to finish the degree and get the experience needed in order to get hired at a descent salary. At the same time, I want to feel safe in my own home. I don't want to be dragged out by my hair simply because it's not as blonde as she would like it or because I'm not wearing high heels. I don't want to feel like I'm stuck here against my will and mistreated. But, on that same note, I need to finish my degree and get this experience, which is an opportunity not afforded to everyone. Please provide me with your wisdom.

Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/questioninfo.php?q=663990#ixzz4wkF5d745

I agree with everything adviceman has said. I also want to stress that you can not leave any possible trail for any family member to find you. This would include deleting and banning them on facebook or other social sites if they have contact with you there. It would involve blocking them on your cell or better yet, getting a new number with maybe a new service. I know of college students who never made a change to their banking accounts and have one from when they were still minors and needed a parent to be on the account. If there are ANY accounts including your banking where Mom might have her name on it, have them take her off. As long as her name is connected to anything that is yours, there can be potential problems ahead. And as suggested, if your name is with companies accounts regarding anything Mom should be paying, then let these companies know to take you off. I also vote for your rooming with someone. The only other cheaper option is to look for a bedroom for rent in homes near the school. People whose own kids have moved out and want to get a little extra income will rent out rooms. If you don't have your own bath, then the common areas including bath will be shared. It might not be ideal and uncomfortable for a while until you have gotten the work experience and can move on. But it is way better than suffering mentally by trying to stay at home until then. I am proud of you that you've held it together, gone through school and took care of the adult bills and responsibilities that Mom should have. You will go far in life dear. Hang in there and make those changes.

so, i usually don't mingle in other's business because i'm just not interested in it .
most of the people in my class and the other class talk trash about me just because i'm quiet. and i'll make this clear i'm not a nerd xD .
i only talk when the other person talks to me or when i need something , other than that i don't speak much . i just sit quietly doing my stuff
but, these people/my classmates when they talk trash about me and also try to ridicule me it kinda makes me angry but i'm just not giving into my emotions and trying to remain calm
i honestly don't know how long i can do this because if this keeps happening i'm afraid that i might start a fight.
because the stuff they say really makes me angry, one fellow called me a psycho , 3 times to my face and i had to pretend as if i didn't listen that.
and they also make up weird songs and sing that points towards me indirectly ,
idk what to do other than to fight ofcourse xD
Thankyou for taking your time in reading this !

If it makes you angry, then you need to understand that subconsciously the words go in your ears and at that level you are owning those words, believing it as if what they say is true of you.

I was like you all the way thru HS, so I know what I am talking about.

The best thing you can do is to laugh and join in on their comments.

For example, I wore what ever I liked in clothing styles which wasn't always the newest clothing trend. So I got teased for what I wore. It wasn't til I was older I realized that if someone said I wore something that looks so lame or whatever, the best response is to reply, "Yup, I chose to wear this in hopes it would irritate you, is it working yet? However you say this with a smile, in a teasing tone, as if they were just teasing. As an adult, I know now that people who will tease me at times, are not meaning mean, they just don't know how to change their tone of voice to give you a clue its a friendly tease. Since I don't know what exactly this talking trash involves, I can only give a couple of basic examples. If you have some specific things said and need an example for a reply, write me back but do so from my column or I won't be able to respond from rating comments section. Just in case they are seriously trying to pick a fight and get you angry enough to fight, keep this in mind, A person who keeps verbally bugging you is doing so because they get something out of it. You are not yet fighting, but since they keep doing it, they are still getting something out of it. I am betting its the look on your face and the fact you keep silent. If you have to practice, get a family member, sibling, cousin to practice with you, Give them permission to randomly toss an insult at you when you are not expecting it and practice smiling at their insult and finding a way to make them laugh. If the insult is your hair is sticking up and makes you look like bed head. Try to picture that, try to learn to find it funny enough to smile or laugh at the insult and then you could say, "Darn, really, it looks like bed head? Then use a cartoon character that is popular, I am older so I would say, Gee I was trying to go for the look of Woody the woodpecker. If all your responses are like this, I am pretty sure that those who really meant to hurt you will stop because there is no longer any reward to them for doing so. Those who tease because they like you and don't know any other way to befriend you, will laugh along and think you're pretty cool. And in doing all this, you will discovered you've gained a thicker skin, so it doesn't bother you anymore. Mind you I struggled with this at your age but by time I was a young adult, I began to learn and adopt this and now I am quite a friendly funny person and thats the first impression even strangers have of me. Good luck.

So I have a tricky situation I will try to explain.

26/F

I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a great person but he does get insecure because I get a lot of attention from other men, including some "friends" that I've only ever seen as friends but that have crushes on me. Although he would never dare to ask me to cut off contact, I can tell he gets really down and sad when I hang out with these "friends" that always end up hitting on me because he is far away. Also, I personally feel uncomfortable putting myself in that kind of situation when my partner isn't there and a friend thinks its OK to flirt and try to get somewhere EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL KNOW I AM DATING SOMEONE.

So, I decided that for the guy friends that have shown me that they don't want to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship, I would take distance, at least for a time, to give myself peace of mind and my boyfriend too. However, I don't want to hurt the feelings of these friends so my question is:

How can I FIRMLY but POLITELY let them know that I do not want to see them because I am in a relationship and they cannot seem to respect that?

My dilemma is that none of them blatantly ask me out they just ask to hang out and then when we are in the social situation they will make advances. So I cant be honest and say its because they don't respect my relationship because they will take offence and deny it. These are more nuances and subtleties of flirting so they will deny the existence of it even though I can feel it.

For a more realistic example, one of these "friends" who I hung out with before and had tried to make advances, is always asking me to hang out and what my plans are and I'm always telling him I cant or I'm busy or mentioning my boyfriend. Nevertheless, he still writes and insists and asks me out he just doesn't seem to get the point. Just now he asked me what my plans for Friday night were and I want to FIRMLY and STRONGLY tell him I don't want to hang out with him so he gets the point but without being rude about it. How can I do this???

Thanks again for the help.

Whether you are single and not interested in them or in a relationship, males should honor the fact you do not want any relationship with you.

I don't know exactly what you've told them but to me it seems they are not listening if you simply say to stop. So you have to draw your boundaries.
Then the minute they step over that line, you've let them know ahead there will be consequences for stepping over the line. This is basic stuff hon, that you will have to learn to do because its the same in parenting children, you set up boundaries and carry through on whatever consequences you have set up.
If you are not willing to carry through on promises, then people will learn you are a push over and never mean what you say and you will have trouble in life with people trying to take advantage of you.

Call and say the same to each male (so called) friend. I say so called because I believe they all are pretending to be just a friend by saying so but doing otherwise and they all believe you are too gullible and believe what they say when you should have long ago understood what was going on by their actions. A true male friend who has no sexual attraction or otherwise to you will not make advances. Its like you making advances on a guy you are not attracted to that way. Works same way for both sexes dear.
So the fact you keep calling, texting, meeting with them or answering their contacts only gives them hope they can convince you to enter a relationship with them.

If it were me, I would say, "Look I know we started out as just friends but somewhere along the way you fell for me. I have not changed, I am not attracted to you that way. I just don't feel the chemistry needed to be in such a relationship. So this is the last warning...if you still want to hang out, I will not tolerate any advances. Even if I misunderstand any action of yours for an advance, I will stop hanging with you, no longer take your calls or texts and block you. SO if you are looking for a girlfriend, it won't hurt my feelings if you cut if off right now and admit it and stop seeing me. So what will it be? Do you choose to act only as a friend, or will you cut it off now, admit defeat and go looking elsewhere?

This is not mean. Kids will tell their parents they are mean. People might even say that's mean. Its only a last measure to try to get you to cave in and give up and not hold them to your ultimatum. What this is , is simply a setting of boundaries by a confident person who is in control of their life and not allowing others to shape how your life pans out.

I will try to make this quick, but it’s a complicated situation.

I lied to my boyfriend. In retrospect it was so stupid to be insecure to have to lie, but I did it because when we started the relationship he was very insecure and jealous and would question every single friend I have. He would get mad and I would suffer because I just had eyes for him. (Granted my guy friends had crushes on me but I didn’t like any of them) and he would still get jealous about all of them and so angry whenever one would text me or bring up in conversation about a friend.

So I started avoiding telling him the whole truth, or I would twist things to not make it seem like I was hanging out with friends, only girls (even though it was innocent I didn’t do anything ever).

I also twisted the truth about my past because he would go into my pictures and ask about every single guy that he saw like did I sleep with him? And in just one case I had been with a guy and I told him I didn’t but he kept insisting later on asking over and over again every opportunity he would get so eventually I broke down and told him the truth. About everything, I told him because he kept saying that I have to be honest about things and he would understand etc. So when I admitted the truth about the past lies or alterations of the truth, it wasn’t all at once, it was one thing here then another thing there, and he always made such a big deal about every lie that I was afraid to tell him that I hid something else.

Basically now after the last one that is not a new lie it’s a small detail about an old lie I told that was different than what I said, he told me that I’m sick and I’m a compulsive liar and that he wants nothing to do with me. But he keeps telling me I need to fix myself at the same time he dumped me he doesn’t want to let me go.

I am so confused because I’ve never felt the need to have to lie to anyone before because no one has questioned me so scruciatingly about my past and my dark side and every single thing I was doing, so I don’t know how I became this “liar” in the relationship but I don’t want to be this Person because thats not me. I made mistakes because I didn’t want to lose him, is that understandable??? Forgiveable even???

Now I don’t know how to rebuild trust with him, he’s so afraid that I’m going to keep lying even though I decided I would be an open book, completely honest about everything but he keeps saying I broke us so much and he doesn’t believe a word I say.

I should add that I explained to him why I lied, and even though he told me he would be understanding he is not, he doesn’t believe that I was trying to avoid his jealousy and anger about situations, he thinks its because I was sleeping around. I have never not been true to him the lies I told were so insignificant I understand that doesn’t make it ok but I never cheated or dreamt of having any type of relationship with anyone else. I think that’s why I felt it was ok to tell small lies to protect us because I know I wasn’t doing anything with anyone I would just hang out with friends.

I know I was wrong, I just don’t know where to go from here. He’s not talking to me but he will call me at night or every now and then and we sit on the phone and we don’t get anything resolved cause I keep saying iI want to start over and he keeps saying I need to fix it and build trust again but I have no idea how or what to say to him or how to do this? I can tell he wants to be with me, but he wants me to “fix” it somehow and I don’t know how I can, or what actions I can do or take?

Please help how can I rebuild trust again? I’m done lying it is never worth it.

Is this a totally dysfunctional situation?

Short answer, yes that is a totally dysfunctional situation.

To discover why, read on.

All you described of him, like grilling you about boys in pics with you, jealous of any male who texts , etc...means one thing....

He is insecure as a male, has low self confidence and the way he doesn't trust you, well bottom line means he is not a very good choice for boyfriend material.
This is not something that is guaranteed to change as he grows older. I have some life experience with that. I remember a male friend from high school whom I ran across waiting in a movie line. He had his girlfriend with him. Before he turned and saw me, he was chewing her out because another guy just happened to glance at her, not stare. She had not talked to anyone else, I was directly in line behind them. He was making it her fault that any male in public might look at her even a split second. This is verbal abuse and hints at possible disorders with the guy. I was newly married and a couple months after marriage, my husband too began to act unreasonable. It wasn't the jealous thing but he wasn't satisfied with anything I did. So I asked him what he wanted, and followed his directions exactly and when I proudly showed him how I'd done exactly what HE said to do, he would yell at me, call me names, stupid and it is unacceptable (even though he was the one who told me to do it.) I was in that situation where no matter what I did, the saying that goes "Damned if you do and damned if you don't" applied perfectly. There was no possible happy solution. Eventually, I learned over years he would only get worse. I suffered verbal abuse every day and got tired of trying to jump to his wim, I began to ignore him and let him fuss but do what I wanted. I did not defend myself or join in and yell when he tried to start verbal fights and that sometimes made him madder. At the end of the marriage, he went to counseling only in hopes it would make me stay, not believing anything was wrong with him and not intending to continue going, only hoping to fool me into staying with him, I overheard him tell his friends that.
So until your guy realizes he does have a problem that requires counseling and is willing to follow thru and improve, life will be hell and can only get worse. I also know that not all but a good amount of insecure men like this not only become verbal abusers but physical abusers.

I have an essay due in two days for school about the beneficiaries by Sarah penny. the topic is " discuss the title of the novel, the beneficiaries, and how it is ironic" I haven't read the book yet but I do know some key points. I won't have time to read it before the essay is due. I need some quotes from the novel about lallys eating disorder, about pim after going to war, and any other quotes relating to the topic of the essay. I also need some things that can go in the essay about the topic.

This is a shot in the dark, trying to even find someone who has read that book. I don't know of anyone here who actually helps people with homework assignments. If the teacher gave you only two days to read an entire book and do an essay, that pretty unfair. I read fast and still can't finish a book in two days and then to think of time to do an essay. Either way, whether you are a slow reader or put it off too long, you most likely will have to resign yourself to not being able to turn this one in on time. You're better off asking a classmate for help dear. Good luck.

I barely eat. I don't eat breakfast. I feel really hungry throughout the day, but I don't feel like eating. When I do eat a snack, it's something small and not healthy.

I have had days where I was starving but nothing caught my interest of what we had at home. Doesn't happen chronically but maybe two days a month. I then go buy or eat out for what sounds good to me, and i am talking of healthy meals not junk food.
I've heard that a person who is in tune to their body will sense the non appetite for the regular meals or same old same old, and will crave something that has the vitamins, minerals, or a food group that the body is lacking and then you simply eat those things. That is normal and nothing to worry about.

However if you feel like this day after day for weeks and months on end, that is not normal. If a car doesn't get what it needs, it won't run well, same goes for your body. It needs nutrition to work well.
You did say the word 'feel' and feelings are formed first in our thoughts and therefore my best advice is to talk to your Dr. in case there s somethng physical that is affecting you this way. If not, perhaps since it's based on feelings, a psychologist will be recommended by your doctor.

17/f
So my teachers about 26 (female) and she's my favourite teacher and one of my role models.ive noticed something's off with her lately and first thought she was mad at me but then noticed she's like that with everyone (and a girl in my class also noticed) and I saw today when walking past her class she seemed upset and was by herself. she's usually such a happy person and she's really sweet. I know it's not my place or job cause im just her student but how do I find out what's going on or how to help somehow cause I can't just ask her what's wrong cause she's not my friend she's my teacher

Hello dear, I answered your previous question about being mad. You are a caring person, being so concerned about others, and probably more observant than others as well. In case anyone tells you not to get involved as its not your business, I've heard plenty stories of people who were contemplating suicide because they thought no body cared and just a friendly gesture from one person turned their life around. It probably isn't that drastic so don't panic, but here's a few ideas for you.

To make things easier to say something, state the obvious first as it changes the energy behind your question from being nosy to being caring and your teacher is more likely to feel good about your concern for her rather than irritated or something else.
"I know it's non of my business, and I may be sensing this wrong,(or say 'seeing something that is not there') but for a few days, it seems to me like you are not your usual self, like more sad or blue. Are you okay? I ask because I really like you and am concerned.
No matter if she reveals anything or not, bring her an inexpensive gift, like a candy bar or visit a dollar store and pick up Halloween decoration, like one of those cute solar powered dancing/moving characters, cus I smile every time I look at the one my husband got for me for fun, a dancing scarecrow. You doing just all that is enough to help her.
You could also tell her about advicenators in case she is struggling with something but doesn't want others to know. You can let her know she will be anonymous as well as those here who give their advice back. In fact getting a blank card and simply saying you noticed she isn't herself lately so in case she is dealing with something hard or sad, you'd like her to know about advceators.com ,a free advice site in case she'd like to gain more perspective and point of views for whatever she is dealing with.
Blessings to you hon.

All my life I've wanted to work. So much.

And there's this clothing store that I can truly imagine being SO happy working at for the rest of my working life until retirement.

I'm a 20-year-old female and I struggle with a majorly severe case of chronic generalized anxiety disorder. I can't drive because it's so bad. I do have my driver's license, but the past year my disorder has worsened that I just can't drive anymore, but I really want to so bad.

My parents are trying to get me disability benefits, but for the love of God, I do not want to live off disability.

It's made my major clinical depression so much worse. I do take meds for my disorders, but they don't help. I feel actually working would help me so much, but my anxiety disorder affects my thinking and makes it dangerous to do things that require lots of focus like driving.

But I'm thinking of trying to expose myself to things that scare me and make me super anxious like driving and working, but I just don't know if it's... safe?

I know I'll need a therapist for this, but I was wondering in the meantime of searching for a therapist, I could get some advice/encouragement from you all, please?

I want to work and drive and lead a normal life so desperately. :'(

When i learned to drive 43 years ago, traffic in a big city was not so bad as it is today. Even with all my driving experience, i find it stressful or aggravating to drive these these and feel bad for young people starting driving today. You want to be totally cured of your anxieties before you even consider it.

Next, you mention your parents trying to get you in disability. I worked as a caregiver for people on disability. I know that IF on disability your social worker can put you in touch with a person in the dept. who works with disabled people to help get them into jobs. It wouldn't be full time because most disabled would find it tiring to do full day or too stressful depending on their disability. That way you are not forced to have to work fulltime or 2 jobs just to make ends meet if you will at some point be living on your own.

You mention meds not working. I'll address that
next. Until I graduated HS, before there was sch a thing recognized as anxiety disorders, I had one. It was tossed in under the label "shy" but I actually had social anxiety. I knew it would cripple me as an adult in many ways and wanted to be rid of it. I prayed to God and got answers back. It was a simple plan. You are on the right track thinking that exposure rather than avoidance can help but please don't try it yourself. There is much more to it than that. A Dr. as you've mentioned would need to be involved. It takes more prep before, working with distorted thinking before the dr. goes along with you as you experience the situations that terrify you currently. Recently, I checked out books by a psychologist on treating depression and anxiety without medication and for most of people afflicted, it works better than medicine because it gets to the root of the problem, and with someone like yourself who really wants to get a normal life and will apply yourself. it doesn't involve years and years to get better. As you go thru the sessions with the Dr. you feel results pretty quickly. If it sounds too good to be true, then know that the psychologist turned teacher/author, at one point only believed medicine helps but when a collegue showed him a method called CBT, Cognitive behavioral therapy, his worst off patients got better quickly. He went on to create another method to break down false beleifs/thought patterns and labeled it T.E.A.M. tho i don't recall what it stands for. To get your hopes up and know there IS something that s helping people who've been in your position for way longer in life than you, I would recommend buying the book "When Panic Attacks" by David D. Burns MD. It covers not just panic acctacks but anxieties and more. What surprised me was to read what he recommended for a client with social anxiety as I had, it was the exact same things that God told me to do so many years ago. Before the parents go get the book, you and they may want to look at Dr Burns website. Though there are more Dr.s now trained in CBT and it is more acceptable, they may not know of the TEAM method created by Dr. Burns but it is also gaining popularity. If you can't find such a Dr in your area, somewhere on the website will be a person and number to call to get names of Dr.s in your area or close to.

https://feelinggood.com/

There are books on depression too. Somewhere on the site are testimonials from people helped. It almost made me cry for happiness to hear so many finding a normal life finally like a woman in her 50s.Have your parents check it out. Its no gimmick as this DR.s method for my kind of anxiety did help cure me, I just happened to hear it from god.
If you or your parents have more things to ask, just go to my column and write to me from there. I'd love to hear from you in future to hear how its going as I really care about this sort of thing

I dont know what happened but in elementry school (its kindergarten to grade 8) i used to be so funny,outgoing (very unhappy on the inside tho), had a lot of friends both guys and girls but i was also very quiet and shy at the same time. I was popular for being the quiet girl but who was funny. Anyways high school started and i think i made the worst mistake by going to the same high school as the people i grew up with because i know people can be judgemental but these were probably the most judgemental people ive ever met and are part of the reason why i was unhappy in elementry school. Anyways high school started and its like i snapped, i couldnt talk to boys anymore or people in general without feeling awkward this resulted in having no guy friends in high school. Long story short the friends i have now from high school are the same ones i had in elementry school because i barely made any new friends in high school. I became even more shy than i was and im not very outgoing anymore, one of my high school teachers in grade 12 told my sister she is more outgoing than i am and she likes my sister better. Whatever. My question is how can i get back to the way i was? And make more friends, preferbally some guy friends without being awkward I know you arent always going to be the same person but im always so serious and the people im around arent funny to me i always have to fake laugh, pretend im interested etc because i cant find people i fit in with. Im in my second year of university, i commute to school and first semester is almost over so far i havent made any new friends outside of class.

Pre hormone and your hormonal changes would coincide with about the time you began to experience difficulty. So if all of a sudden you find it hard to talk to guys, it is due to seeing them differently than when you were younger. You may have recognized young boys as cute but the awareness of males as the opposite sex and feeling attraction more like the sexual kind s possible now. Even if not sexual attraction, it does feel different because guy are now looking for girlfriends or at least female friends to chat with and learn what teen girls like and how to talk to them. You are not the only one who feels awkward or different or maybe even insignificant because a high school usually has kids from many different grade school and middle schools. Some kids that seem outgoing and unafraid and confident, are only good at hiding that they aren't really doing that good. that is what I found out at my recent 40th HS reunion. We are now the age of grandparents. I was surprised to learn that those who I thought was confident and extroverted in HS were not so much at reunion. i can count on my fingers how many were really outgoing at reunion. I was extremely shy in HS and found I was the one approaching others who stood around not talking to anyone, afraid to.

You want to meet people outside of school that yu have things in common with so i suggest you look up meetups.com It is not a dating site. This is a place where people like you go to meet others they have things in common with. some groups are already formed and you can join or create one in the field of interest you have if it doesn't exist in your area. Basically whatever hobby or favorite activity or belief system, you can find local groups of people who meet once a week or every other week. I ave even seen moms with babies strolling club. they have a pot the meet, walk the kids and afterwards go to a coffee shop together. Theres groups of board game players, yoga lovers, those into natural health and foods,people who love cats, dogs, doing jig saw puzzles, etc...whatever you can imagine, it exists or is waiting to be created. I have used it in my city. This is what I have. If you think its something eles, let me know. I used to have social anxiety real bad and have a document to share on how to overcome it. Just let me know if that is the case

So there’s this guy who works at the pizza place I frequent. I had a conversation with him a few months ago. He told me he sees me walking everyday and was trying to gauge my age range. We had a nice conversation a few laughs and another customer said he was trying to flirt ,and what surprised me was he didn’t deny it. I still see him everyday but we haven’t had a conversation again since then. How do I start up another conversation and let him know I’m interested?

There are men who if interested will do something to let a gal know he is interested and then wait to see if she responds. Talking to a gal who is a stranger at that time, flirting, looking at you and smiling and saying Hi, are what most guys do to show interest. he's leaving it up to you to respond in a likewise manner. So the easiest would be to have a note ready that says, 'i enjoyed our chat couple months ago. Sorry I haven't said hi or talked since then. Since we see each other often, if you are interested, heres my number to give me a call. The key word is if'. If he is not interested, he won't call. If he was waiting for some sign from you, he will call.

I became head prefect of my school last night and a lot of the kids in my class became jealous and started being rude. It didn't really bother me but I started realising my favourite teacher seems off towards me. I don't know if I'm being paranoid but it feels like she's mad at me for something and I don't know what. It sucks because shes my favourite teacher and she used to really like me and said I'm a poster child and everything and it's really bothering me. I don't know why I'm upset about it because she's just a teacher but I care alot about what she thinks because she's like one of my role models. How do I find out if she's mad without actually asking her?

My guess is that you are already on the defensive and questioning the actions of classmates because of their reaction to you getting that position. you must know that they are jealous and wish it was them. If someone else had won they would be treating that person the same way. a true mature adults reaction would not be jealousy and treating you badly because of it. that is only the reaction of immature people and younger people still have to learn how to deal emotionally with this situation in a proper manner. your teacher is an adult and so has n reason to act like the students.

Perhaps some personal life troubles are affecting your teacher and the worries of that were showing on her face. Adults do no think like young people.
If she is your role model, then she must be because her behavior too is great. Don't think the worst of her. you are overthinking this. Forget about it. If you cant you will have to say something to her and ask if she noticed the others treating you differently since you became head prefect. Wai for her answer. Then like a side comment, only if you still see an out of place expression on her face you could say, "By the way, is everything okay with you. I thought i didn't see you looking happy the other day or the past few days, and since you're like a role model to me, I was concerned." This way she doesn't have to share details but simply say yes or no and also lets her know why you asked. Whatever she answers, at the end you can then say, "And every things good between us, right? (but only if you want to ask). That way sounds natural to ask if already asking how she is. If a teacher is angry at a student, they don't hold it inside like a kid would, it is their job to let you know when you have done something wrong in tests or in not following a rule. So if she hasn't come and talked to you about a problem, then she is not angry.

Ok, so I'm friends with this girl and this boy who have been dating for a few years now. Let's call the boy V and the girl J. J is bipolar, but somewhat high functioning, from an abusive family, and is recovering from a drug addiction. V, even before they started dating, has helped her with everything. He paid for her to get into rehab, for her mental health, helped her press charges against her abusive parents, and has overall been extremely emotionally supportive. I know V really well and he loves her to death.

For some reason J decided to cheat on him. I noticed her hanging with some other guy. At first I brushed it off, thinking that perhaps they were working on something for school or something. But then I figured out she was sleeping with him. I asked her about it, and apparently she isn't as in love with V as he is with her. But she warned me not to tell him, and claims that if I do nothing good will come out of it because his heart will be broken.

I agree that V will be so depressed because he really does love and respect her. He always talks so highly of her and even when he's had a god awful day she makes him happier. I'm honestly so angry that J would do something like this and to make matters worse I've figured out she's been sleeping with this other guy for two and a half years! So while V has been comforting her, helping her through hard times, and saving her from abuse, she's been going behind his back.

Should I tell him what she's doing or should I keep it a secret?

One more vote for the fact that he needs to know and the sooner is better than going long term and finding out after all that time that you knew and didn't say anything because she asked you not to tell. Its like those teens who tell a friend they are going to commit suicide and not to tell their parents. When people ask you to keep quiet about something that earth shattering for the others who are not supposed to be told, I tell them for example in suicide, if the friend does die, the parents will be so devastated, they usually blame themselves for not seeing the signs, (i have a daughter who when in HS kept depression hidden from me and I was very active in her life and we talked about everything but that is one thing she choose not to tell me)and parents often get divorced because each is blaming the other for the childs death. They may not know you knew but their lives are changed forever. And if they found out the teen knew, they could easily hate the teen afterward. No matter how bad the news, how heart breaking, most people would rather know so they can then take action. To be robbed of the chance to take action because they don't know can frustrate and make a person very angry for a long time. Sadness is inevitable,grief has its own length of time for everyone but anger doesn't have
to be held long term.
To get yourself out of this terrible place in between two friends, I vote for Advicemans suggestion. Instead of going ahead and just telling him and then angering your friend and possibly losing her as friend, if you give her a deadline to tell him by or you will tell him, puts the burden back on her. If she does nothing, she'll know what you will do next. She also had to tell you on the day she told him, that she's done it because she could do the stupid thing and tell you that she already told him and broke up and trust that you would not think to call him now because he already knows when he doesn't. Make the time limit short. If you give her too much time, he may find out on his own and then again be angry you didn't tell him and he spent however much more time investing in a relationship she no longer has interest in investing back. I'd say give her two weeks if she normally sees him all the time or they text or talk often. If its a LDR, well, she can still write him, not the best way to break up but it will do. IF she asks for more time, don't give it. More time doesn't help a person grow balls to do what they have to do, it just makes it harder to do period. Then sooner the better.

24/f

I am a new teacher at this school/district. I am a third grade teacher.I am known to be a nice teacher. Students know me, they think I'm kind, they think I look young, etc. I can be mean if I need to be, just not to the extent some teachers are.

I try to run a positive atmosphere in my classroom. I am all about respect and anti-bullying. The good thing is, that it's working. Even though I have a chatty class, I have students who get along with EVERYONE. If anyone bullies anyone or says something that is disrespectful to someone else, they apologize to that particular person or write an apology letter.

I have a student who actually hates me. Here's the thing, academically, he's great. He's one of my top students in the class. Behaviorally, he's not the best.

I have told him MANY times to get in line, walk in line quietly, to stop talking over my lesson, etc. It got to the point where his behavior had regressed. I had to contact his father about his behaviors. His father ended up getting involved for a short period of time and then disappeared. Meanwhile, his behaviors started regressing again after 1-2 weeks.

This student has spoken about race, saying "for Black History Month, students should go to KFC and only black people should get free fried chicken." When he found out my first language was Chinese, he continued to say "ni hao" in the middle of my lessons. Today, he was talking to my other students about gangs. I have spoken to his father again, and yet, I have not received a response.

The disciplinary actions at this school and district are pretty much non-existent. So, I'm relying on the parents for support.

This student has made it clear SEVERAL times that he does not want to be at school, he does not want to learn. This is a student who told me he wants a new mom because he makes him take out the trash.

I hate lecturing, but someone who values respect and tries to get students to be thankful for what they have, it infuriates me. So, yes. I have made points there are other countries who can't afford to go to school, they should be happy to get free education. He does not care.

He told me the reason why he is rude because "his parents are rude." I am running out of ideas for him. He has been passing around notes to other students telling others that he hates me.

I'm confused. Why does he hate me? Should I even care about how he feels? Should I let an 8 year old make me feel validated?

Having a student that doesn't want to be at school, can throw off the entire class. All of my students want to learn and want to be there. He doesn't, for some reason. He asks politely for help, he doesn't say anything to my face, but my question is WHY does he hate me? Am I supposed to do something about that?

He doesn't hate you. When kids are frustrated for whatever reason, this is often the first phrase that comes out of their mouth toward parents or some one in authority. I remember one of my children telling me they hated me because I did not buy something she wanted at the store. It was later that evening and still bugged her and she told me that. I had to ask questions like why do you feel like you hate me and find out what was the root of that phrase.
I understand he's not just saying it but acting in a way that supports it.
However, this kid has clearly told you exactly what the problem is.
Mom either left or died and he misses her and wants a mom deep down, even if he wouldn't consciously admit it and it had nothing to do with getting out of taking out the trash. He wants a Mom and a Dad who are available to raise him, listen to him when he has something to share of his day, teach him a proper way to treat others, teach him manners. No he won't admit to that, but children feel very insecure if they don't have boundaries the parents set. Apparently he has none and therefore feels insecure plus unloved and maybe abandonment issues regarding Mom, no matter if it was thru death. Oh kids will test the boundaries with a parent or teacher to make sure you don't just threaten but never carry through. The first time my middle child on purpose cleared her high chair tray by knocking everything to the kitchen floor, I wasn't angry but it was not acceptable. All she has to do was say "done", I wouldn't force her to eat more. She already knew and many times had said Done and I removed her right away. This time, I took a wet sponge and told her that we do not throw food on the floor, it just makes a big mess and when we make a mess we have to clean it up. I put her hand on the sponge and with my hand held it there to swipe at the mess. She resisted, she hated it. I still had to clean it properly once I released her but she never did that again. Not because she feared me or consequences, I showed I cared enough about her to take the time to show her something about life, a truth...that we all have to clean up our own messes. She could create more messes on purpose or have less to clean up for the accidental or innocent ones. So first, I commend you for setting that standard. But it isn't enough. He needs much more. His dad may be overwhelmed, still grieving loss of mate for either reason. Cus I don't know of a man who will divorce his wife and choose to keep his kid by choice simply cus he no longer liked the wife. There are exceptions to that but generally, men know being a single parent is going to suck. Basically anytime left to just you is now taking up being not just Dad but Mom too. This father sounds like he is choosing to be neither. You are just his teacher and it is not the teachers responsibility to take up the slack and be a parent or even just a counselor for him. I like advicemans suggestions but I have one other. He may be too angry yet for this one, but the Big Brothers and Big sister program will put him in touch with people anywhere from around your age to way older. I have read many wonderful stories of the child who for whatever reason was being neglected in their childhood, even if it was just parents having no time to spend with him, doing something fun together, or having time to listen to him. He may need some counseling. But what he needs most is an adult willing to be his buddie, really care about him, someone they can contact whenever they feel a need for an adult to talk to.
Right now, I hate to admit though that contacting CPS might be the best thing. It's happened to people I know and the kids were taken away but after parent counseling and psychiatrist help and the parents doing better, they are ready to give the kids back to the parents. ITs not like calling them will split them up forever. A parent is responsible for providing the basics and if a parent can not even respond to you, then that hints to me something is wrong either internally with that parent or the care of the child. A roof over the head, proper meals and proper adequate clothing for all weather is what every parent must do as a minimum. It would be good for them to look into the family to see if the child is getting fed or has to fend for themselves. I know the horror stories of 5 yr olds or younger who can't cook but make a meal of cereal and milk or peanutbutter on bread or when theres no food in the house that can be eaten without cooking, they starve. Even poor parents can get food and clothes given to them for their child so theres no excuse there. I wasn't too proud to not take advantage of that when my husband was laid off work and things were tight.

You are not supposed to have to do anything about this. Schools and laws were not as lax or non existant when I was a kid in school in the 60s and 70s. Things have gone down hill since then. They were beginning to get real bad when my kids were in school but from what I hear from others, its now much worse. When a kid knows that ALL the adults in authority, those with the school board for your area, the individual schools, the parents don't give a crap about him as an individual, then we can't expect them to be model citizens or even know how to act They've never had an good example long enough in their short life to have it sink in for them to copy. With only bad examples, its no wonder he is like that.
You can't have him forever disrupting his class.

One more idea, I don't know if its possible, but do you get to choose to have any special people come to class, you know like when a kid has a parent come to class to talk about what they do, or a policeman who came to school and told us about how to be safe? Check if a rep of the big brothers and sisters program would be willing to come to your class. Have them tell the kids what the organization offers. Hopefully this boy will show some interest. If not, you may just let the representative know ahead which child you are mostly concerned about and see if they can build a conversation with the boy. Never know, there may be other kids who want to take advantage of the program and then give them info to take home to parents. In the case of this boy, you may have to call and leave messages to make sure he knows about it and give his okay for the child to be part of the program. If no response again, and the school district has no rules to help you out with an unruly but very neglected and feeling unloved, child, then you'll have no recourse but to call CPS. Although their concern is mostly about a childs physical needs and getting physical help when needed, they do not seem to have anything in place that addresses the mental health of a child. Not saying he has mental illness, just the way he is thinking, copying all the bad his Dad does, no idea of what is a proper way to treat others and how to respond to authority, feeling neglected, unwanted, abandoned, unloved etc....
I am not surprised he is this way. Maybe a teacher who has already raised her/his own kids and feels comfortable reaching out may help. When my kids were young, I did that very thing, inviting any kids they knew from school who didnt have a good home life to come over. Of course I went to the door of the parents first, introduced myself and gave them my address and number and had their kids over. Those kids got as much attention as my own. One case was twins whose mom had become a drug addict of late and the dad, much older, like grandpa age worked two jobs and loved his kids and was thankful I was around to help. Another was a latch key girl of a single mom who got home real late from work so she could come to my apartment any time or if she was in trouble. One day she was freaking out due to slicing her finger accidently with a knife. It wasn't deep, I did the mother doctoring thing and the bleeding stopped. Her mom was grateful. But that mom never asked me to look out for her kid. I volunteered. Same with the twins. Same for a couple kids that grandma got every summer and the kids got bored of being watched by her only in the house and her yard and never going anywhere else and started complaining. I spoke with her and let her know my place was available for the kids to hang out with mine even if they didn't know my kids. They could be summer time friends and it worked out very well. No, it wasn't my responsibility. But it is the do-good people in life who really do care and don't turn a blind eye to whats in front of them who will volunteer or take on and handle something that isn't their responsibility because others are falling down on the job. This is tough and it may all fall apart and not work at all.
ONe more thing, a child like this boy, will not melt instantly when someone shows him special attention or singles him out for something special, he will reject it and its a natural thing to reject that which you want so badly but you feel by now its too good to be true and you;re already hurting and don't want to get your hopes up only to get let down again. It will take a person who despite being turned away by this boy many times who persistently shows him they care, before he will soften and take the chance to believe they see something in him that no one else did, they want to know the real him. As I said, you're a teacher, you're not meant to be his psychologist and I am not one either. All I have shared is basic psychology stuff I've learned simply through life experiences and hearing from professionals or children or parents of professionals or neighbors who were professional in whatever job they did.
I'd like to know how this progresses if you feel the need to talk to someone about it. I am hoping and praying for a miracle here for both your and his sake.

I haven't spoke to my boyfriend since Friday night . But actually I lost my phone Saturday morning and found it when I got home from work Saturday night. I then placed it on charge. I was on it for about 30 minutes before I headed to bed. I did not take that opportunity to get in contact with him. I just went to sleep . I just was a little mad he was at a party that night . So I said I just want call him. Which I knew he would get mad cause he hasn't heard from me . So me trying to avoid it I lied about why I didn't want to talk to him . And About what I was doing on my phone when I could of been Texting him . he is mad because I lied over something so small he says . What should I do ?

You need to ask yourself these questions before you'll know what to do.

First, you misplaced/lost a phone. Everyone does that several times a year sometimes several times a month. It's not like you did that on purpose. You need to realize this first.

Second, you found it and put it on to charge. I've done that too without thinking who might have called me and not gotten through. Usually its a while before theres enough charge to check if any missed calls or texts. Maybe yours can be instantly used once on a charge, mine can't. So I often forget to check for missed calls after a while and go to bed too. I am an adult. I do not call everyone who is close to me, like relatives to let them know my phone was dead and then charging. Once its charged, I call only those who tried to reach me while it wasn't usable. There is nothing wrong with that.
Not calling him to tell him you misplaced the phone was not required unless the two of you live together or are married and one is going to be worried when the other doesn't show up at home. Then if your phone is dead, you ask to borrow someones to make a quick call and let a bf or spouse know...that is good manners and saves a lot of worry for them. However, since you don't live together and are not a committed couple and still have your own lives, friends and schedules, there is no written rule or good etiquette rule that requires you checking in with your boyfriend.
Before you are upset I assumed this is not a relationship of any deep committment, your comment that he was at a party and didn't even think to invite you, means that you are not as important to him as he is to you. If the party was mutual friends, then you would have been invited too. But you didn't mention any missed calls showing on your phone so I can only assume you were not invited for 2 reasons, the bf could not just invite you if its family or friends that don't know you, without getting permission first, and two, if family members and he hasn't wanted to introduce you and show you off to his family, or even friends you haven't met yet, according to dating advice from men for women, this shows he either didn't think of it this one time, but if he does it regularly, then he doesn't think much of you, you are lower in importance to him than you think.
Now to get the next part clear, it had to be the day after the party you said you wanted to call him. Was that in text to him or did you just say that to his face in passing or was it a friend or family you said that to? I don't need to know but if you wanted to call, why announce it in text and just call? Doesnt' he answer calls?

Third: YOu say you knew he would get mad that he hasn't heard from you. Heres where I really want you to focus on that statement. Think, does he seldom initiate contact and wait for you to contact him? Are you the one who has to take the first step and text or call him? Does he lose his temper easily? Does he ask you to call him like checking in with him and letting him know what you are up to all day long? And then get mad if you don't? What makes you think he is mad in the first place?
I may be way off here, totally wrong, but if he isn't really mad, maybe he is worried instead and it is your self imposed guilt at not thinking to call him this time and in the past that make you believe he's mad when it might be concern or worry due to not hearing from you. Another line of thought for me if wondering why some people think they have to post every little thing they do each day on the internet or text friends to let them know the same. I know it is something your generation has grown up with and to you it feels so important and a thing you MUST do. However, that is not true. It is more of an annoying habit that has come into being since cell phones and texting and internet on cells. It is not a matter of disrespect. There were still landline phones in existence before cell phones but no one called their sweeties umpteen times a day to let them know where they were or what they were doing. It is because of the convenience of cells and the ease of contact and messages that the younger generations have gone overboard quite a lot. So what I am saying without even touching the subject of the lie, is that there was no reason for you to feel guilty. You have come to believe in your own mind, its what you choose to believe for whatever reasons you have that only you can answer, that not texting him once you had the cell found and plugged in was a really bad thing.As I said before, this happens to plenty of people every day and I can't believe that all those with dead phone have friends or even sweethearts that get angry with them because the phone was dead, worried I can see, but mad...no way.
So you lied to cover up something that wasn't wrong. It wasn't even needed. He is upset as you said simply because you lied about a simple thing and why? Probably a couple reasons, you pick which ones fit: He has an anger problem and always angry over anything. In that case, you should not be choosing to be with someone like that, its bad news. Or you may have a lying problems. Its called a Compulsive Liar. Its a person who lies all the time, even over insignificant things like what they ate for breakfast. Its a bad habit and requires the help of a counselor to break that bad habit as it will only hurt you in life as you continue on. Another possibility, you lied because the relationship is really really new and you haven't had a chance to get to know him well enough to place your trust in him. You have no idea how he would react. Trust isn't instant, it doesn't come with agreeing to go out on a date or become someones girlfriend or vice versa, boyfriend. It takes getting to know a person really well and discover how they handle themselves in certain situations by consistently responding or reacting the same way each time. When its bad reactions, you can't grow trust. If its always good responses, then you can trust. If a person is always all over the place and reacts differently each time, then you will have no confidence in the relationship and always be wondering and confused.
In stating you had not wanted to talk to him, you probably also hurt his feelings. Imagine if he lost his phone, found it, it was dead and you didn't know because you had not tried to call him and then out of the blue he's telling you that you didn't want to talk to him. Would that go over well with you? I don't think so. You are putting a lot of value into how many people call you and how often to feel good about yourself as a person, the more calls, the more wonderful a person you are. I know too many younger people just like that. I know some middle age adults too who believe that the 1,144 friends on facebook are truly their friends. Unless a true face to face friend or relative, all the others are just Acquaintances. An acquaintance is someone you know of due to school, work or where ever, but they are not really a true close friend.
When we are younger, even young adults, we tend to overthink ourselves and feel like there is always something wrong with us or that we don't measure up. I was like that for sure as most young people are. I also did not have any self confidence. I know way older adults who still do not have that but for the most part, we all learn to gain some amount of self confidence by time we're in our 30s. You don't have to apologize to anyone for not having self confidence, its simply a state of being that the majority go through.
So as to what you should do? I don't know the facts about him or who and what you are truly like deep down inside. But you do. If you are with a bf who is demanding and angry with you for no good reason all the time, then you need to decide if you want more of the same treatment or if you will break up and go looking for someone better. The best choice in this case would be find someone better.
If he is not an equal in the relationship (in all things) and doesn't contact you half the time while you do the other half, but demands that you always check in with him, then he had some very bad habits, traits, or it can also be a trait of people with mental health issues and relationships with people with untreated mental health issues is a big reason for break ups. My ex husband had mental illness and other disorders. Again, you decide whether you want to feel like a yo-yo in a relationship with cycles of good and bad and makeup times to only repeat the same over and over, no good only cycles. Or you can break up with him.
If you have faults, hey who doesn't, but friends usually know your faults and care about you despite them. If its so bad that they don't want to be your friend, they'd take off. Honesty is important hon, so whether close friends or bf, they will likely respect you more, even when you make mistakes if you are honest, own up to them. And remember they aren't mind readers, whatever you are thinking, its best to not be embaRrassed thinking the worst of yourself and just let them know what you were thinking. If you had told him that you misplaced your phone and didn't find it until too late and put it on the charger but was distracted and thats why he had not heard from you, that would have been enough. Overthinking and lying will kill a relationship, so obviously things have to change on your part no matter if you stay with him or not. i wish you the best dear and sorry this is long but I truly wanted to give you as much info and thoughts as possible to make a decision as to what you need to do now.

I will start this off by saying my life is kind of in shambles right now, but I think I've had a change in heart when it comes to education, but I have no direction on where to take my life.

I was formerly enrolled with DeVry University for computer science, but I've recently discovered that I think I want to grow plants for a living.
But not a farm, per se. I live in a rural area in southern Illinois where agriculture is pretty important. But what I really want to do is plant biology/botany, mostly herbalism and natural remedies, non-MD.

I've looked into some of the implications of 'practicing' herbalism without a medical degree. It's kind of vague, but for my own protection, I wouldnt want to make remedies for others. I simply want to grow the plants, provide information on those plants, like their healing properties or the tips and tricks you can use them for, and sell them. Maybe some workshops on how to grow certain plants/how to utilize the plants. I'd still make remedies for myself and my family of course.

I eventually want to be in a place where I grow flowers and other medicinal herbs, kitchen herbs, etc. (not in mass quantity, just for like the people of my community) in a decently sized greenhouse on my own property, with another little building that I can sell the herbs out of, or maybe a little shop somewhere in the small towns i live around that i could sell the plants.

However, i dont know if i'll make enough money here/if there will be enough of a market out here to make a living growing and selling my plants.
Plus i'm a poor nothing from a single mom who has no money either, so i would have to work even harder to get up enough money to even do this.

Also, my mom wants to help me with all this, but i dont know if i should be like a partner with her or just let her work for me or vice versa. However, i would feel much better if she just worked for me, but she always talks like it's our plan. I dont mind sharing, but mom has never been good with money and she kind of lies a lot. I wouldnt want to exclude her, but at the same time i wouldnt want her to jeopardize my life's work.

When i envision this, it's mostly me by myself doing everything. growing, selling, organizing, etc. I would let my fiance help me of course, but I honestly dont know if i'm going to stay with him in the long run. He still has a lot of growing up to do, is selfish at times (i know he's not perfect and i dont expect him to be, but it's a continuous feeling of 'I have an adult child'. and i dont think i want that forever.) and he wants kids but i'm about 75% sure i dont want children. At 28, i've thought a lot about this. The thought of being big and then giving birth is terrifying to me. However i might adopt one day if i ever manage to make it financially.

I havent enrolled for the botany classes yet, but i intended to and i just thought i would get some advice.

Also, I've recently learned I love to cook. I make things out of nothing and it's awesome. But i dont think i could be a chef working in a restaurant all day every day. But i also dont want to work as a chef for a snooty family or something like that. So i might just stick to cooking for myself, but also, learning how to cook would indeed help my herbalism and I could also have workshops on tidbits for cooking.

I have a plan, i just dont think i can get there without some advice and/or encouragement. Am i making a move that could potentially turn into my life's work, or is this just a dream that i wish i could do like space exploration?

I rely on natural medicine a lot. I can tell you that the amount of people using plant and herbal medicine is just a fraction of the amount of humans relying on big pharma. The amount of people relying on natural medicine who make their own concoctions are even a smaller amount. Why? Well, even to self treat, no one without any background studies in it want to take any changes and possibly get the amounts wrong and cause themselves problems. It's much easier to rely on natural health companies who sell items that are guaranteed to not cause new problems while treating the one its supposed to be for. But these companies have to get their herbs and such from somewhere. If herbal supplement companies don't grow their own, they buy from someone whom they have come to approve of how you raise the flowers and herbs and whether you are using natural repellents or insecticides, etc. YOu likely won't get hardly any customers who come buy their own. But workshops might do the trick. And perhaps finding one herbal supplement company that always relies on you for certain ingrediants. Things like that can be shipped overnight as far as I know. I've had a couple plants shipped to me and they were just fine. It won't be big money. Besides workshops, some of the people interested in workshops and other like minded people really like taking a nature walk with a guide (you) to show them where they can find natural growing plants for your area, for folks who would like to go foraging. You might study mushrooms as well and show people where and how to find and identify their own. I had a neighbor who made extra money mushroom picking. For some people, this kind of work is not a dream but what they have chosen to do for a living. What ever you choose to do to earn a living at, don't decide based on your bf. Once you are taking the classes with like minded people, you may make friends who think and feel the same. You never know but you may find a guy whose interests match your own and he has a good business, entreprenuer mind as well. You can also find like minded people to meet right now in informal get togethers on almost any topic you can think of. Look on line at meetups.com its not a dating site in case you wonder at the name. You search for your area and put in the topic like natural health, herbalism, wild food foraging, etc and see what comes up. You may have to search under catagories you wouldn't think to find such things under. It all depends on the people who started the group and under what catagory they placed it. But you should be able to find at least one.

In front of me I see a piece of art.
It does not hurt my eyes, but will hurt some.
There are those that would tear the pic apart.
It is history, why give it the thumb?

A picture may be beautiful to many,
To most, in the eye of the beholder.
At sale, it may bring a pretty penny,
Don’t rip from the frame, let pic grow older.

It is time to embrace the past, come sit;
Let history teach, let the light flicker.
Do not throw the pic in the fire pit,
Hear the story of the cotton picker.

Keep your thoughts clear, keep thoughts open-minded,
See the past as the past, don’t be blinded!

looks and sounds like it but decide for yourself. Heres a link to example using Shakespeare.

http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-iambic-pentameter.html

My boy friend fuck me on my back side and releas in my back hole....the problem is many days to go periods not come....what the solution??

You can't make your period come any faster. It will come when its ready. Anal sex does not make your period change. The only thing that can make it late is if you've recently been ill or are coming down with a cold or if you are very stressed. those things make a period late.
Since sperm was released anally and there is no connection inside of you for sperm to travel from your intestines to your vagina, you can't be pregnant if thats what you want to know. Sperm has to be inside your vagina for there to be a chance of getting pregnant if you are ovulating. If there was cum on his fingers and he put those fingers inside your vagina, then there is a slight chance you could be pregnant but since you didn't say thats the case, its just your body late due to stress or illness

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>