about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

At my school, we have a night event called 'Night of the Notables/Nobles', and we have to pick a 'notable achiever/person who made a positive influence in the world' to be for that day. We have to make a presentation in class as that person as well. Well, I'm a sophomore female, and I really don't know who to be! It can be a literary, scientific, historical, or musical, i.e, figure. But people such as Britney Spears and Hitler are out of the question, you know what I mean?

Do you guys have any suggestions as to who I should be? I don't want it to be a boring person either, because the most standoutish people make it to the actual night and get to present and stuff, so, yeah. And everybody's doing Oprah, so yeah, just no.

Sandra Day O'Connor-the first woman to ever serve on the Supreme Court
Sally Ride-the first American woman to travel into outer space
Margaret Sanger-the founder of the birth control movement
Elizabeth Cady Stanton-one of the pioneers of the women's suffrage movement

For a list of 300 women that changed the world, try the link below. It might give you some ideas. The link also includes brief biographies on each of the women to get you started.
http://search.eb.com/women/browse?browseId=248529


I'm giving you a couple more links to lists of important women.
http://teacher.scholastic.com/activities/women/notable.htm
http://womenshistory.about.com/library/weekly/bl990610a.htm
http://www.historyswomen.com/
http://www.uwrf.edu/history/women.html

[view]

I read that if you eat breakfast everyday you will lose weight, is this true? If so, then how can I start eating breakfast without gaining weight because I have not been eating breakfast for a few years? This is so confusing! Please explain and help. Thank you so much.

The reasoning behind eating breakfast to lose weight is that your metabolism doesn't really rev up until you've eaten. By eating breakfast, you're getting your metabolism going earlier in the day, which means your body will burn more fat. I'm not a big fan of breakfast myself so I generally stick to something small. Try eating some healthy cereal, fresh fruit, an egg, or even a slice of whole grain toast. All of these are fairly light meals, but still enough to get your metabolism going.

[view]

Ok so this friend of mine is really rich and all kinds of girls try to get with him all the time. He's had it happen a few times that the chick he's been with uses him for his money.
He says he doesn't care that girls go after him for his money because it's just a way for them to connect and get to know each other better. I think if a girl is after your money, she's after your money and she isn't interested in getting to know you.
If I had that kind of money and I knew a girl I was seeing wasn't in it for the real me, it would be a MAJOR turn off.
What is your opinion on this? Wouldn't it bother anyone that people are after such a supreficial thing?

It wouldn't just bother me; it would tick me off. I'd want someone to be attracted to me for me, not what I can give them materially. Just give it time. I think your friend will learn that a girl that's interested in him as a person, rather than a bank, is much better. I was in the reverse of the situation. I was the one with money and dating a bum of a guy. I wised up pretty fast once I realized I was just being used for the money.

[view]

Popular guy, semi-nerdy girl. A year left in high school. Could we make this work or are we just fooling ourselves?

If you care about each other and ignore what others might think, I don't see why it wouldn't work. Just concentrate on your relationship and what makes the two of you happy. Good luck.

[view]

I am 18 years old and have never had this before...I know what discharge is and that is not what i have right now. What i have is white stuff on the inners of my labias. It is white and It keeps appearing the past few days.

Some discharge is normal. You'll probably notice that there is more at certain points in your menstrual cycle. If it's clumpy (like cottage cheese), has a foul odor, or is accompanied by itching or pain, it could be a sign of a vaginal infection and needs to be checked out by your doctor.


A couple articles that help explain.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/health/femalehealth/discharge.html
http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/9339/10955.html

[view]

my mom and i have a very close relationship. she is my best friend. i thought i could talk to her about anything. she knows almost everything about me. she isn't one of those moms that let me do anything. she is very protective. i get to stay out late but i have to get good grades. so she is the perfect level of protective. i love it. but me and my bf are now sexually intimate. but this is where things get tough, she doesnt knwo we are dating, adn she adn i decided i would tell her when i get active. now my bf wants me to talk to her about it, and to get b/c. what can i do adn say. ill rate high

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mom. I wish I could say the same about mine. Anyway, I would sit down with her and calmly tell her that you've been seeing someone and you've decided to take the step into a more intimate relationship. Tell her you wanted to let her know because of your agreement and also to get set up with birth control. She'll probably be surprised, but I think she'll respect the fact that you were honest about it and also that you are making an effort to protect yourself.


A couple things to remember about birth control. It's not 100% effective and it doesn't protect against STDs. Even if you go on the pill (or whatever), I would highly recommend using condoms as well to protect yourself.

[view]

I've been running on my treadmill since late October and since then I have lost 9-11 pounds. (I used to weigh 136-137 but now I am around the 125-127 range) My goal weight is 118-120, is there any way I can get down there? Because it seems as if lately, these past two months haven't contributed much. & I read somewhere that when your body burns fat after exercise, & you aren't seeing anymore results after a while, that you have to start doing MORE.

I run 5.5 (heavy jog) on the treadmill for 15 minutes every other day, do some kind of LIGHT weight lifting, and also do 5 reps of 25 sets of workout ball crunches.

Also, I eat normal foods, I am just very careful about how I eat it...like, I won't overeat or anything. I'll eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm not.

Also, is it better to workout everday or every other day? I always feel guilty about skipping days, but I heard it was actually more beneficial for every other day.

It sounds like your body has got used to the exercise. I would try mixing it up and varying your exercise routine a little bit. Also, it sounds like your exercise has probably built some muscle. Remember that muscle weighs more than fat. That may be the reason you're not showing loss in pounds.


For an extra weight loss kick, try adding some spicy foods to your diet. It revs your metabolism so you burn fat faster, not to mention bring up your energy level.

[view]

This is very embarassing to ask, but im sure you`ve heard worse so bare with me here.
Awile ago I had sex for the first time.. and it was towards the END of my period....so there was no disgusting stuff or anything like that..
but anyways
he didnt wear a condom so i was afraid i would get pregnant.. but 4 days later i started taking the pill..(birth control not the day after pill)
which i THINK kills the sperm when you take it..
so there`s no chance i could be pregnant right?
I mean I was on my period, it was my first time, AND i started taking birth control 4 days later.

There is a slight chance that you can get pregnant while on your period. The birth control pill does nothing to the sperm. It works on your body to prevent ovulation. If you don't ovulate, there's no egg to be fertilized. However, not even the birth control pill is 100% effective. Also, while the birth control pill helps to reduce your chances of getting pregnant, it does not protect against STDs.


I would recommend going to your family doctor, health department, or planned parenthood office to be checked out.


For information, try the links below for information. On the first link, scroll down towards the bottom of the page for an explanation of how you can get pregnant while on your period.
http://www.coolnurse.com/sex_faqs.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/birthcontrol.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/can_i.htm

[view]

i have been trying to find out how much CNN charges for their airtime, supposing one wants his/her programme aired on the station, but i cant find their charges even on their web site. I need to find out how to go about it

This is all I could find for you. It's a form to contact them regarding advertising. You should be able to use the form to get the information you need. Hope it helps.
http://www.cnn.com/services/advertise/contact_us.html

[view]

i have a question bout my parens ...... well dealing with them. I am 15 years old. My parents argue a lot and i cant take it. i hate it so much and they dont understand how much sress it causes me. i dont know how to deal. how can i deal with the stress and anger they cause me? please answer as soon as possible. thank you.

Signed,
Stressed and emotional

I know from experience how hard this can be. I would sit down with your parents and let them know how it makes you feel when they argue. It might not stop the arguing, but they might at least agree to do it when you're not around. If that doesn't work, try getting away from the situation as much as you can. Get involved in some after-school activities or find a part-time job. I know you said you're only 15, but there are still some jobs that would get you out of the house. You might even consider volunteer work. Visit your friends as much as you can. I found it was easier to deal with the fighting if I was away from it as much as possible. Good luck.


Some jobs you might try are babysitting, cleaning, yardwork, dogwalking or petsitting. You can also try asking elderly neighbors if they need help with carrying groceries or housework.

[view]

I have a problem with this woman that I used to be good friends with. I ended the friendship two years ago. I had to because she started to try to control me. She also ordered me around like her personal slave, took my kind nature for granted, spread mean gossip about me, broke into my email acount, and threatened to blackmail me if I ever got on her bad side. She was 46 and I was 25. She also acted really wierd and was telling people that she was my mother. She's never had children. I don't think she's mentally all there. Things got so bad that I quit the volunteer job we both worked at and put a block on my phone. She still to this day after 2 years bad mouths me at the center. I have a new paying job and it got back to me that she was trying to get my work schedule from my friend. I just want this psycho to leave me alone. How can I handle this? Someone even told me that I should bury the hatchet with her and contact her! I said no way. I also think that she wants to be my friend again. I would like to add that both my parents hate and and want me to have nothing to do with her. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for her and think I should give her a second chance. I really need someones advice! Thanks!

Personally, I think you're right to want to avoid this woman. I would go talk to your boss and let them know before-hand what's going on. It will save you some trouble in the future if she starts coming in to your job and trying to badmouth you. Let your family and friends know that they are not to give out any information about you to this woman. Continue to ignore her. Keep a log of when she tries to contact you. If she gets ahold of your number and calls, let the answering machine or voice mail pick up and then save the messages. Let the authorities know what's going on. If she continues after you've contacted the authorities and they've warned her, she can be arrested for harassment. Good luck. I hope this situation resolves quickly.

[view]

Do u think im too young for sex? I WANT TO SOOOOOO BADDDDDDDD! uhhhh..hes 17, but he promises me i wouldnt get pregnant if we used a condom in he took it out before he cummed in me..is that true?

The only thing that guarantees you won't get pregnant is not having sex at all. Unfortunately, contraceptives are not 100% accurate in preventing pregnancy. I was on the pill when I got pregnant with my first child.


As for whether you're too young. Personally, I think people shouldn't have sex unless they're prepared financially and emotionally to deal with the possible consequences. I think it applies no matter your age.

[view]

My daughter has just turned 12 and for the past 3 yrs she has been nagging me to get her an agent. She has done drama for 3 yrs & dancing for 5 yrs. Even though she is talented while performing she is an extremely sensitive child. I have spent years trying to build up her self esteem & I don't want to throw it away with the rejections you recieve in the cruel world of showbiz. She cries at night & tells me that this is her dream & she feels that this is what she is meant to do. I'm confused as to what to do. Do I let her try this or protect her from an industry that is renowned for it's competitive nature.

Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to protect her from hurt forever. If she does go into this industry, she's going to have to learn about the competitive nature. Do you think she'll handle it better now while she has you as support or later when you might not be able to be there?


I would suggest speaking with her drama and dance instructors to see if they think she's ready to take the step. If they do think she's ready, sit down with your daughter and try to explain to her the risk she's taking. See if she'll consider taking more training before trying. If she's still adamant about trying, I would let her try. While it's hard to let our child get in a situation where they might get their feelings hurt, I think it's better to do it when we're there to help pick up the pieces if needed.


Good luck to you and your daughter whatever you decide.

[view]

Hi, I'm doing a project on the Santa Fe trail and the other day my teacher told me that I should include Christopher "Kit" Carson. And I was looking online but I didn't really find any on him that had to do with the Santa Fe Trail. So could someone please give me a site or tell me what Kit Carson had to do witht he Santa Fe Trail.

--Thanks

You might check your library for the book "A Right Fine Life: Kit Carson on the Santa Fe Trail" by Andrew Glass. A few links to try:
http://www.desertusa.com/mag03/trails/trails08.html
http://www.santafetrailscenicandhistoricbyway.org/kcmus.html
http://www.freenewmexican.com/news/35264.html

[view]

I need to start eating healthy. But it only lasts like not even a couple days. And then i just say screw it and i give up. I need something to motivate me but i haven't yet found anything. But i need advice on how to stay on a healthy diet and not give up. What foods should i stay away from? i know chocolates and sweets and other? Thanks a bunch!

Have you tried gradually changing your diet rather than doing it all at once? With a major change in diet, it's sometimes hard to stick with it. Start by replacing one meal a day (breakfast) with a healthier one. Once you get used to that, switch another meal (lunch) to a healthier one. Keep going until all your meals and snacks are healthy. Because you're doing it gradually, your body will adjust easier and you'll be less likely to backslide.


Try switching to a smaller plate. It's weird, but it tricks the mind into thinking there's more food on the plate than there actually is. This will help a great deal with portion control.


Keep a food journal. Write down everything you eat or drink. At the end of every week, go back through and see if you can pinpoint your problem areas. You will be surprised to see how much you really eat once you write it down.


Don't ignore your cravings. If you constantly deny yourself "treats", you'll start to get frustrated. Try to find lower-calorie or healthier options to satisfy your cravings. For instance low-fat chocolate pudding for a chocolate craving or fresh fruit for a sweet craving.


Watch how your food is prepared. Even the most healthy meal can be ruined if it's prepared in a high-fat or high-calorie way. Try to stick to foods that are steamed, boiled, baked, broiled, or grilled. Switch to cooking spray rather than butter or oils.


Make up some healthy snacks beforehand so you're less likely to grab a more convenient, less healthy snack. Raw fruits and veggies make great snacks.

[view]

I am 17 years old and have had braces for the past 3 years. My teeth are no where near being fixed even though my ortho says that he'll have them off in 4 months (by Grad) but I doubt he will because they were supposed to be on for only 2 years. I had two teeth pulled out and the gap for the large part is gone but now my teeth are spread a little farther apart (you can't notice). I was also supposed to get my overbite fixed and that has only improved by 20% over the past few years.
So I need a little bit of advice on this:
1. Do guys care if a girl has braces? Please be honest on this. I want to know if this is a factor to support me taking my braces off.
2. So he hasn't been able to fix the gap in 3 years, will he able to do it in four months? What's the point in keeping them on for now if they won't be fixed by May anyway. My ortho doesn't act like it's a big deal, "Oh we'll have it done by Grad" but he doesn't understand that I spent the majority of my high school career in BRACES and that's not how I wanted to be remembered/remember myself.
3. So should I get them taken off?

In answer to your first question, I don't think many guys will care. My sister had braces and was still very popular. It didn't appear to slow down the guys asking her out a bit. She got asked out more than me and my other sister combined and neither of us had braces. In fact, most people didn't even notice that she had them.


Since he hasn't been able to fix the gap yet, I would consider seeing a different orthodontist for a consultation. My sister's teeth were really bad before braces and she only had to wear them a little over a year and now her teeth are perfect.


I wouldn't worry too much about how you'll be remembered. I've been out of high school for almost 6 years now and I can't remember who did and didn't have braces. Unless you're constantly around the people even after high school, it's highly unlikely that anyone will remember.


The choice to have them taken off is up to you. I can understand your aggravation with them after three years with little results. Personally, I would see if another orthodontist could help before giving up. If you're selfconscious about braces, talk to them about more discreet options such as clear bands or Invisalign.

[view]

I'm 34 yrs old with 2 children aged 12 & 9. My marriage is extremely rocky. Sometimes I dream of a happy life but it just seems so far out of reach. My husband is not physically abusive but mentally I am suffering from his constant downputting of me. The kids can feel the friction in the house and that just makes me feel even worse. My main problem is that I have been suffering from anxiety related problems and I don't feel strong enough to cope on my own. How do I know if I am emotionally strong enough to get out of this bad situation.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship several years ago so I understand your difficulty. Have you tried asking a close friend or family member for help? My best friend was wonderful at the time, offering support and even financial help until I could get on my feet. Also, are you being treated for the anxiety-related problem? Getting that straightened out can help you feel more comfortable about taking the step to leave. You could also try calling social services or your local domestic violence shelter for help. Even though you're not being hit, it's still abuse. They should be able to offer you help getting out of the situation and possibly counseling if needed.


I think you've already taken the first step by realizing that you're in a bad situation and looking at your options. I'm not going to lie and say that it will be easy. It's not. Even though the relationship is abusive, you'll still remember the times when things were good. Focus on what's right for you and your children. Like one of the other posters said, children are aware of what's going on around them. You don't want them growing up thinking it's right for this to go on.


I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[view]

does anyone know of a website that you can post your poems on and get feedback?

http://www.writing.com
I highly recommend this site. I'm a member myself and have found that my writing has shown a lot of improvement since I joined. They offer a free membership which allows you to post up to 5 items at a time to get feedback on them. If you need more space, there's paid memberships as well. You can also read others' work and enter contests if you wish. If you join, I recommend signing up for the poetry newsletter that comes out twice a month on the site. It's filled with tips and hints on writing poetry. Good luck.

[view]

Female, 21
I was recently dating a guy I thought I really clicked with. He talked about our future on several occasions, and he really seemed to be interested in me (like I said, we clicked, and not just on my end). He recieved a promotion that requires him to take frequent business trips, though, and he says he can't start a new relationship right now, especially since there might be fights about it and he might ruin what might be in the future. To his credit, I did contact him with concern even when he told me he wouldn't be able to talk (I know for a fact he was quite busy). He also said he didn't want to deprive me of someone who could put in enough time to be a real boyfriend. He also said he's not going anywhere and has kept me posted on major events in his life. So, is he to be believed? Should I get over him? Should I date around and wait (he said it will be super busy for about 7 months)? Should I just wait? I really feel like this is the guy for me, and I'm trying to keep the faith, but I feel obsessive for believing what may be a line. Help?

It sounds to me like he is interested, but doesn't have the time to devote to a relationship right now. I think he's being very respectful of you by telling you up front rather than leaving you hanging or jumping into a relationship knowing he can't give it his full focus. The choice of whether to date while you wait is up to you. He may take you dating as a sign that you've lost interest. If he keeps putting you off or things change to where it does seem like he's stringing you along, then you may need to move on so you can find a guy that does have the time. Good luck.

[view]

i'm 16 and i'm in high school right now and I know this might seem like a cliche, but all of my close friends are getting into serious drugs and alcohol, and I made an oath to myself awhile back never to get into that shit. So what to I do, find new friends? Tell it's stupid and have them exile me? Even I myself at one point almost gave in.... I keep trying to tell them pot makes them stupid and they're alcholics. Any suggestions?

I would do what you feel is necessary to keep your oath to yourself. Since you've been tempted already, I would talk to your friends about not dong drugs or alcohol around you and not offering it to you either. If they still do it, walk away when it happens or restrict your activities with them to places they can't do it. For instance, invite them over to your house when your parents are home. If you don't feel that you can be friends with them like this, then it may be best to move on until they've got past this problem.


Unfortunately, until they realize that it's stupid and that they have a problem, they'll keep doing it. You can try talking to them, but unless they want to make the change, it most likely won't do much good. Stick to your guns on this subject. They may learn from your example. Good luck.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker