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Marital problems
I'm 34 yrs old with 2 children aged 12 & 9. My marriage is extremely rocky. Sometimes I dream of a happy life but it just seems so far out of reach. My husband is not physically abusive but mentally I am suffering from his constant downputting of me. The kids can feel the friction in the house and that just makes me feel even worse. My main problem is that I have been suffering from anxiety related problems and I don't feel strong enough to cope on my own. How do I know if I am emotionally strong enough to get out of this bad situation.
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Dear Marital,
When someone puts you down, they are lying to you. They are manipulating you in order to elicit a reaction from you, one that makes them feel better about themselves. People who put others down are incredibly insecure and have many issues that they are unsure how to deal with.
I feel that you ARE strong enough to cope on your own. And you know why I think that? Because you have been thinking, dreaming about this, being stressed and anxious about this for a long time and you are asking for help. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. (And you've been acknowledging for a long time...)
I have been in a relationship like the one you describe, minus the children, and I felt that I had to put on a happy face to the world and to him, while he got all of his needs met including those of insecurity that he resolved by putting me down. The best thing I ever did was tell him to leave. Now. Immediately. In no uncertain terms. Do you know what this bully did? He broke down and cried! After that, it was only a matter of feeling sorry for people like him. It was he who wasn't strong, and the amazing thing that I found out later was that he knew that I was and he wanted to break me down.
You will be so much happier without a toxic person in your life questioning your character, your beliefs, criticizing you at every turn. Please don't buy into his lies. That's what they are. They are lies. He is a bully and a bully is also a coward. Be strong. You ARE strong and you CAN cope on your own. Even if you have anxiety or even panic, the more often you face it head on, the stronger you get. And your kids will be so proud of you for doing what they wish they could do for you. You will emerge from this with the respect and happiness from your children and your own integrity. You don't deserve to be treated any other way but adored and respected. Please get him out or leave him if you have to leave. Good luck!
Linda
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i think that any time in a marriage where someone is being mentally abused like you are then they need to leave, you dont deserve that no one deserves that. if you dont think that you will be able to do it alone ask a friend for help or a theripist. you desrve a marriage that embodies your dream of happiness, dont settle for anything or anyone! i hope this helps you.
hearts, kim
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I suggest seeing a marraige counselor/therapist. They will support you and help you through your problems.
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I was in an emotionally abusive relationship several years ago so I understand your difficulty. Have you tried asking a close friend or family member for help? My best friend was wonderful at the time, offering support and even financial help until I could get on my feet. Also, are you being treated for the anxiety-related problem? Getting that straightened out can help you feel more comfortable about taking the step to leave. You could also try calling social services or your local domestic violence shelter for help. Even though you're not being hit, it's still abuse. They should be able to offer you help getting out of the situation and possibly counseling if needed.
I think you've already taken the first step by realizing that you're in a bad situation and looking at your options. I'm not going to lie and say that it will be easy. It's not. Even though the relationship is abusive, you'll still remember the times when things were good. Focus on what's right for you and your children. Like one of the other posters said, children are aware of what's going on around them. You don't want them growing up thinking it's right for this to go on.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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If you have to deal with someone putting you down constantly, then you may never FEEL like your strong enough. When someone is constantly making you feel like your not good enough, it's not too hard to start to believe it. But, that doesn't mean that your not good enough or strong enough to go out on your own.
I'm only 22, with no kids, and I can't exactly put myself in your shoes. But, when I was growing up my mother went through the same thing, and I had to watch her suffer. Not to mention all of the suffering that me and my siblings went through because of it.
My mother didn't think she was strong enough, she thought she was staying with this guy to have a better life for her children. But, your children see the abuse, they always do.
When my mother finally got out of the situation, she depended heavily on her family members and friends. You need to find someone who you can depend on who will treat you with respect. Go to family, parents, kids, siblings, and friends who you know and trust.
The only thing you can be sure of is that you will never get the opportunity to feel strong again as long as your husband is allowed to abuse you mentally.
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Well if yoiu have an anxiety related problems, my guess would be that you'll never really feel like you'll be strong enough to get out of your situation. If you really want to get out but can't leave on your own, I suggest that you maybe move in with Family or a close friend untill you get things in order.
-BlackBatman-
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