about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

my name is Rachel and iam 17 years old and iam dating this boy named Jesse and he's 16 years old,but his parents want him to break up with me becouse they think he's to young to date,but they let his twin brother have a gf and he's really immature like he cusses teachers and stuff like that.why would they let Jeffrey have a gf and not Jesse?what should I do?

Do nothing. If you get involved with talking to his parents it could turn into a huge mess. You and Jesse need to understand that you can't talk them out of anything. They'll do what they want when they are good and ready. Jesse's parents need to accept that their "little boy" is now 16 years old. Lots of parents have a hard time with this. The thing is, they can't stop him from dating. They can't make you two break up. The quicker they realize that, the better things will be. My advice would be to have Jesse invite you to his house for dinner or something. It will give his parents a chance to meet you, begin to trust you, and see how mature you two act together. Pestering them about it by talking, whining, or trying to convince them of something, will make it much worse. In this situation, it's best to show them. Good luck.

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i`m 14/f. i don't wear a "real" bra. i wear camosals with the built in bras. they seem to work good for me but i was wondering if you think i need a real bra. and if you could, state a reason why. thanks.

Nothing bad or good is going to happen either way. You're not going to get cancer or back pain from wearing a bra (or cami) to bed. Those are huge myths. Wear what you are comfortable with. I would only suggest wearing a "real" bra if your chest was sore from not having enough support. If, after running or doing some sort of other activity that causes your chest to bounce a lot, you feel pain, then you should probably invest in a real bra to wear for when you exercise. Again though, it's just soreness and no negative effects can come of it. Good luck.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months, friends for 4 years, and I recently tried to end the relationship. I don't see our futures working together, he has no personal ambition, and numerous other things. I thought the break up was going relatively well considering the circumstances, but then he lost it and started crying. That was the last thing I expected as he is NOT the kind of person to EVER cry. I felt so terrible for inflicting this kind of grief on someone I care so much about that I agreed to stay in the relationship. (He isn't/wasn't trying to cry in orderfor me to stay)
Now I don't know what to do but I need to get out of this. He's gone back to his normal self and has seemingly forgotten about our whole deliemma. He wont acknowledge my unhappiness and instead chooses to credit my cheerlessness to any other problem.

Please don't respond with "Just leave him" or other short answers with no reason.

Right now, you're feeling pain in order to keep him from not. That is a big mistake. You need to put what you want and need first. Never put yourself in pain.

No matter what you do he's going to cry. He's going to be sad. You're a great person and I'm sure that anyone would cry over losing you. The thing is, you're going to break up eventually. If you stall it, it's just going to get harder and harder. Every day that you spend with him will make him cry that much more when you do break up. At this rate, you're going to end up marrying the poor guy. Imagine how hard it was to break up with him once he started to cry. Now think about how hard it's going to be to refuse when he proposes to you unexpectedly. Imagine how much harder it is going to be do get a divorce from him. Stalling breaking up with him causes more and more heartache for him AND for you. You're going to have to deal with some heartache, just don't make yourself deal with more than you have to.

He will get over it. After he does, you two can probably be friends. There's going to be some time in between relationship and friendship where you need to AVOID HIM COMPLETELY, but this is something you have to do. Break up with him and do not take no for an answer. Good luck.

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why is my poop bloody sometimes?
i havent started my period yet if this helps

That is always a bad sign. It could be the result of a few different things. I'm not a doctor, so I don't really know what they are. No matter what it is, you're going to have to see a doctor. Do it as soon as possible. This is serious. Good luck!

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What can I download that plays DVD's on the computer? And from what site do I download it from?

As said, you'll need to have a CD drive that plays DVD's. You probably do.

I had to reformat my computer awhile back and when I was reinstalling things on it I had a disk called Power DVD (I think that's what it's called, I don't have it with me so I can't check). I didn't put it on my computer because I figured it was something like Windows Media Player and I didn't need it. Once I got my computer all set, I tried watching a DVD. Needless to say, it didn't work. I called DELL customer support and they told me that I had to install Power DVD onto my computer. It's not just a player, it's the hardware that you need to be able to play a DVD.

That is probably only going to help you if you were in the exact same situation as me. Dell computer, reformatted, didn't re-install everything etc.

I'm not a computer expert in the least and I don't have any more suggestions for you. My advice would be to send this question to DangerNerd's inbox. Try to add as many more details as you can. If you give enough information, DangerNerd will most likely know exactly what is wrong. Good luck!

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I have a really important question!
I rate 5's

Ok well I have had my screen name for at least a year. All of a sudden it is not letting me click on my buddies and Instant Message them. I cant even look at their profiles. I try double clicking and clicking the "IM" button at the bottom of your buddy list..but it doesn't work

Is there anything I can do to fix it?

PLEASE HELP!!

thanx!

You don't need to get a different version. Just uninstall aim from your computer and then reinstall it again. You can keep the same version that you have, it's not like there's anything wrong with any particular version. I hope that it works and good luck! :)

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What is the best way not to let your period from leaking during ball? I don't wear tampons.. I useally wear the underarmor shorts underneath my shorts to prevent it but it makes me run like a chicken..lol.. what should i do? we wear a light color shorts btw

When I played basketball I hated that! Anyways, try pads with wings. Not that much is going to leak out and the wings should catch anything that does. Feeling confident that you're not going to have a leak, especially if you are running around in white shorts, is probably about 80% of the problem. Like I said before, the chance of a leak is actually pretty small. The wings should help solve the problem from both ends of the spectrum. If you already use pads with wings, try picking out larger pads, not necessarily thicker, but longer and wider. Good luck. :)

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Me and my boy friend had sex. We have done it many times with and with out a condom. The first time we (I) did it, i did not bleed or feel any pain. But after about 2 or 3 months of us having sex, one time i was bleeding. So we decied to stop fooling around for a while. so we did, for a week and a half then we had sex again and blood, now its not like a massive amount its like when you have a little cut and wipe it its a little pink. we had sex 3 different times in about a week and there was blood. Now though we have been fooling around and i dont have that problem any more. i cant tell my mom, because she thinks im waiting till marrige.

Okay, I know this is going to sound mean, but I don't even care about the rating at this point. You can give me the biggest 1 you want, it's not going to hurt me or affect my opinion in any way. I hope that what I say helps you even if you claim it doesn't by giving me a low rating. You need to hear this and I'm willing to take the fall because, well, because I care and I hate seeing bad things happening to good people. Yes, I believe you are a good person. However, good people often do really dumb things. You are being very stupid and you need to understand that. If you don't know why I'm upset, you're really in trouble.

Stop having unprotected sex before your whole life gets turned upside down.

If you are so concerned about your mom knowing that you are having sex WHY are you not using protection every single time? What's going to happen when you get pregnant? You'll HAVE to tell her then and unprotected sex will go over much worse than protected sex especially if that unprotected sex results in pregnancy. Maybe I shouldn't say that you "have" to tell her. You could just wait until she notices or even go through the whole process of getting an abortion, without telling her. Plus, holy crap, you'll be pregnant! Forget your mom, what about you? What about your boyfriend? Think he's going to stick around? Any of this sound fun? If so, please continue what you're doing.

It doesn't take much thought to come up with that. You're definitely not responsible or mature enough to be having sex if you can't make those conclusions and the appropriate decisions.

The bleeding is normal. If you're going to have sex, which I wouldn't recommend, but, hey, I can't stop you, use protection every time. If you take anything out of what I said, take that. Remember too, that even if you do, you can still get pregnant. Condoms don't work every time.

Sorry if I got too excited or offended you, but damn, girl. Use your head. Good luck.

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Can you get an infection or disese or anything if you leave your pad in too long?

You could get a rash or it could cause acne, but as far as I know it's not going to seriously hurt you. Your period isn't long enough, and you wouldn't be able to use the same pad for an extended amount of time without it leaking anyways. As younggrandma said, tampons are different. I hope I helped and good luck!

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Why does it seem like that teenagers do bad stuff like smoking, drinking, drugs, and stuff like that when they get stressed out?

Teenagers are the most apt to be influenced by what is around them. They're still learning about the world and aren't quite mature enough to make the right decisions. Some grow out of it, some don't.

For example, a certain young teenager has a lot of friends that smoke pot. They may tell him that it'll help him relax. It's available to him and accepted among his group of friends. He may even feel pressured to do it. It doesn't appear to be hurting them so he doesn't think it will hurt him.

That same teen, if he were friends with a group of people that didn't smoke pot, he would have less of a chance of doing it himself.

He may not even have to be friends with people that are negative influences. It's got to start somewhere right? He could have gotten the idea elsewhere such as his family or the media. He may even be using his habit to gain friends. Surviving socially is one of the main struggles of teenagers. He could start smoking pot in a desperate attempt to gain acceptance by SOMEONE.

There are movies about cutting on TV. If he saw a movie about it, he may get curious. If he'd never heard about cutting before, he would learn what it was and possibly try it himself even if he wouldn't have thought it up on his own.

Some PEOPLE, have a higher tendency to be pressured, take risks, or go along with the crowd. As teens get older, sometimes they are able to control themselves better, and sometimes not. As mentioned earlier, there are lots of adults with smoking, drinking, and drug problems. It's not just the teens.

I hope I helped and good luck!

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Does anyone know any sites that are similar to Greatest Journal or Myspace?

hi5...all the others I know have been said :)

http://www.hi5.com

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When I rate people, I generally give all 5s, maybe a 4 or 2, and a 1 if someone is completely rude or didnt answer the question. Well..Let's say I ask a question and I get 5 answers. One of them is horrible, so it gets a 1 rating. The second is okay but kinda bad, so a 3 or 4. The next 2 answered the question and werent jerks, but the 5th wrote a 5 paragraph answer and included links to websites and personal experiences, etc. Should I rate the the 3rd and 4th people 5's like the 5th person, or should I give them fours because there was a better answer?

NOTE--Im rating all fives on this question no matter what

Some people can get what they want to say out in a sentence or two. Others will give huge explanations. That doesn't mean the long explanation is better than the shorter one. Rate each person separately. So, what I'm saying is, give that 3rd and 4th person 5's too (if you still feel they deserve them of course).

As some people have said, don't be so quick to give out a 5. If it's a question where we're answering about ourselves (like this question), okay, sure, give out lots of 5's. If you're asking a question where you need serious real advice for something happening in your life, don't be so carefree in giving out 5's. Here's how I would go about rating answers.

1- the person was fooling around; they were rude in an uncalled for kind of way (it had nothing to do with my question); they gave harmful advice

2- the person did not give advice; they contradicted themselves; the advice was not clear; there were misspellings and grammar mistakes to a disgusting, almost unreadable level; they were purposely, extremely rude; I asked a factual question, did some research, or got a correct, verifiable answer from another columnist and the person was wrong

3- average advice; the normal everyday answer you would get from most anyone; the advice was pretty good, but the person begged for a rating; the advice was incomplete but good; incomplete answer; the person had no experience in the field even though their advice seemed very good; I don't agree with the advice; the person was rude, but I deserved it

It's important to be open to everything and not give out 1's and 2's to advice we either don't want to hear or don't agree with because it can still be good advice.

4- above average advice; something I already tried and forgot to mention; the person asked for a rating, but their advice was excellent (different than begging for one); the person revealed a very embarassing story to me to try to help (even though their advice might not have been great I can still make my own conclusions from their story); the person only knew the answer to part of my question, but answered it very well; well thought out response even if the advice wasn't great I reward for trying; the advice was okay, but structured well (broken down and easy to understand); it made me laugh even if it wasn't good advice; the advice could work, but I can see it blowing up in my face so I probably won't try it

5- amazing advice; opens my eyes to something new, solves my problem on the spot; it was a factual question and after verification, the person was right; before rating, I used their advice and it worked; very helpful websites; the person obviously did quite a bit of research to answer the question; the advice has a very good potential to work (I have this feeling)

Most of the time you should be giving out 3's and 4's. I hope I helped in some way and good luck. Sorry if you don't like long answers, sometimes I can't help it :)

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Okay, so here's the story: I left my backpack in my mom's car. She threatened to take it to work the next day (today). She always makes empty threats and never follows through. She bugged me about my backpack, and I told her not to nag me. When people nag me, I tune them out. So I fell asleep and forgot about my backpack. It's with my mom at work, and I can't go to school now becuase I don't have anything and all of my grades would drop for things that I didn't have//couldn't turn in. Do you think it was right for her to take my backpack?

I mean, I know that I should have taken it out of her car. But do you think it was right for her to take it?

She took out half of my other stuff, but she left my backpack.

And it sucks.

Opinions?

Yes, she was right to take it. She said she would and she followed through with her threat. If she hadn't done it, it would have been like breaking a promise.

What wasn't right, was to make the threat in the first place. She probably blurted it out in anger or frustration without thinking it through first. She should control herself better than that. I'm sure she didn't want to take it, she felt bad doing it, and probably regretted her threat. Maybe she even forgot about it. No matter how much you may wonder, she does have a heart.

The mistake of making the threat isn't that big of a deal. She's only human and all of us do it. BUT she still could have woken you up in the morning to give you one last chance. This shows that she's a little too stubborn and has a hard time accepting that she was wrong. This is especially true if she doesn't apologize to you when she gets home. Make sure you give her a chance to apologize though. Don't just run outside and start yelling at her even though that's probably what you want to do. I think a little "be good to your enemies" kind of thing would be best for this situation. Act like nothing happened and she'll get so guilty. You'll throw her off because that's not what she will expect. She'll be ready to burst waiting for you to say something. It should be quite entertaining and there's a better chance that you'll get a good apology.

All in all, yeah she did do a few things wrong, but her acts, as cruel as they may have seemed, are justified. Pretty much all you can do about it is, in the future, think the situation through and know that when she says she's going to do something, no matter how silly or cruel it is, she's going to do it. You may have to get over, or be better about your problem with nagging in order to deal with her better. My mom does this ALL the time too, so you're not alone. Good luck!

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I've been a cheerleader for 5 years. I'm trying out for my schools squad once again next month; football squad to be exact. I'm afraid I won't make it; I excel at everything in cheerleading except for tumbling. After I hurt my knee last year; I lost all my tumbling and I have a horrible mental block. The football squad is pretty much all tumblers, I really wanna make this squad for my mom, it means alot to her. But I don't know what to do, do you guys have any tips on how to get over this mental block?

People can tell you to have confidence and believe in yourself until the cows come home. Forgive the expression, but I think you know where I'm going with this. I don't think anyone on here can help you get over something like this. My advice for you would be to talk to the coach of the squad that you're trying to get on. Sorry if I use incorrect terminology I was never a cheerleader, I was, however, an athelete in my high school years so I completely understand what you're going through. See if you can work with the coach on either getting over your fear or being able to be on the squad and just not do any tumbling. I'm sure that the coach will be very sympathetic, understanding, and willing to talk to you about it. Talking to the coach shows him/her that you are really dedicated and interested in being on the squad. Having a more personal relationship with the coach like that prior to being on the squad gives you a better chance of getting on than other girls or guys that have never really talked to the coach at all. If for some reason the coach gives you a hard time, try working with a different cheerleading coach that you know well. A coach will know the most about what you're going through and will be able to help the most. Inspiration and help from a coach in person is much more meaningful than the same from people on here that you don't even know. Good luck!

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my school does assigned seating for lunch period. somehow, the past two times they've assigned new table groups, i've sat with one of the same girls. the entire time ive had lunch period with her, i've never seen her eat more than an apple, or occasionaly she nibbles on one of those 100 calorie packets. when i've asked her about it, she always said she's already eaten, or she's not hungry. she isn't a skinny girl, and she doesn't seem to be losing any weight. still, this doesn't seem healty. i'm not sure what to do, or if i should do anything at all. please help!

That's not healthy at all. So many people have such distorted ideas about dieting. My guess is that she doesn't understand that this isn't an effective or healthy way to manage her weight. Furthermore, it one of the classic signs of an eating disorder especially since she is lying about already having eaten. I think that you should mention it to a counselor at your school. Make sure the counselor knows that you are not sure of anything, you are just concerned. What you tell a counselor is supposed to be confidential, but tell the counselor not to tell anyone that you came to her about this, just in case. What should happen is the counselor or school nurse will have a talk with her about how what she is doing is not healthy and isn't a good way to lose weight. They'll probably discuss alternate options with her and hopefully she will start eating a better lunch soon. Good luck!

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truthfully, yeah in always pop my zits or squeeze black heads, who doesnt. well my nose is really dry now and the skin is pealing, part of it pealed so much its beat red and so dry and very bumpy? i dont know how it happened or wut to do

Try not to pick at it too much when this happens. Touch it as little as you can bring yourself to do. Using a mild acne medication with moisturizers in it will help it go away a little faster too. There's not much else you can do other than leave it alone and let it heal. It sucks I know, but that's what happens when you mess with acne too much. You are right though, we all do it. Try to be more careful in the future. :)
Good luck!

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I'm 16, female, and straight. I have a few really close female mates, and occasionally I get really strong feelings for them. Like the other night, I was on the sofa with one of my closest friends, watching a film and we were just holding hands like we often do, and she was curled up with her head on my lap, and I had these really weird feelings, like I wanted to be closer to her, and have a really special relationship with her... I didn't say anything coz I thought she'd think I was really weird. But then the next day, she said to me "you know when we were on the sofa yesterday, I had this really odd feeling, like I wanted to kiss you or something," and I was like "thats so strange, I felt the same.."
We both have boyfriends who we love, and are straight. So whats with these feelings?

This is kind of hard to explain, but I'll do my best. It wasn't necessarily your friend that brought out those feelings, it was the act; cuddling. For example, if you, for whatever reason, kiss a guy that you don't like, you will probably feel something. It doesn't mean you like him and you don't have hidden feelings for him or anything like that. Kissing stimulates certain feelings. You can softly touch your own lips and get that same feeling you felt when kissing that guy. Cuddling, holding hands, and things like that can have these same effects. Yes, the feeling can be both physical and emotional, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you two have a connection that is more than just being good friends. There's no reason to act on these feelings, there's no need to have a relationship with her, and there's no need to worry about being bisexual or not. The situation made you want to kiss her, nothing more. Bisexuality is more about what you believe and your morals than it is being attracted to the same sex. What we're attracted to are feelings (that can be stimulated by all 5 senses) not genitals. If you end up doing something with your friend (like kissing), don't worry about it, it happens all the time. Just don't make a habit of it and remember that it doesn't mean anything. It would be best if you didn't of course, but only because it would suck if a lot of people found out about it. They'd have a hard time understanding and would give you a lot of grief that you don't need. Plus, it could cause problems with both your boyfriend and your friend's boyfriend. I hope that I helped you and didn't confuse you too much. Good luck!

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My boyfriend's birthday is coming up and I wrote him a poem in his birthday card called "Your Love". I showed it to my sister and a friend and they both told me it was depressing. It doesn't feel that way to me but I don't want him to think it is so can I get a general vote on this as a first-hand impression. I don't want to make it seem negative or anything...

Your love is wine
Moist in my mouth
It tastes too sweet to be
Something I could drink ordinarily

Your love is rum
Burning my throat
A warm feeling on a cold night
But only for a while

Your love is vodka
Turning my stomach
Dizzy spells leading to insanity
And a carefree state of mind

Your love is poison
Holding my breath
Ending my heartbeat
You make me blind

I think it's fine. The problem is that you end it in such a way that makes it seem negative. It starts out all sweet and then gradually gets more serious. You make it sound like he's slowly killing you, not that your love for him is getting stronger. My suggestion would be to turn it around. Start it out with the poison and end with the wine. Maybe even adding another verse at the very end after the wine to wrap things up and explain your meaning better would help. I hope that makes sense because I don't want to write anything for you. It wouldn't be from your heart if you were somehow inspired by me. Good luck! :)

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I used way to many minutes on my cell phone. 40 minutes with my boyfriend, 18 minutes with this kid whos like, inlove with me (that manages to keep a conversation going) + the little 3-6 minutes calls.

I don't know if I'm going over or not. But I just don't want to get my phone taken away. I'm only going to tell my home# to boyfriend.

Okay, so got anyideas on how I can lay off my minutes?

Talk online more. That's what my boyfriend and I did when we were having trouble keeping under the minute limit. If your parents are against it for some reason tell them that it will keep you from going over minutes on your cell phone and that you are responsible enough to just talk to people that you know. Good luck! :)

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theres this guy i really like. but the thing is..me and my friends can seem to figure him out. i know he had a girlfriend we'll call alex and she was taken out of his pro one day...and then a week later..every so often he puts her name in his away message with hearts.


what also is a toughie..my question is if you can figure this out...in the halls.if we pass eachtoer, i can see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. or if im by my locker and he's by his, he'll look over and then look away..or keep looking at me. we are friends, and i just grew to like him. but he looks at other girls too..but me more than other..but i cant tell if he still has a gf since she goes to a dif school. this is all so confussing and i really donno what to think of it...help?

sry if i wrote it awakardly.

My guess is that he thinks you're pretty, that's why he looks at you. That doesn't mean that he wants a relationship. I mean, in all likelihood, he's still going out with Alex. Most people wouldn't put someone's name with hearts in an away message just a week after breaking up with them. Ask him how he and Alex are doing. You said you were his friend, so it wouldn't be weird or anything to show some interest in his life. Do it with a friend or two in tow. If he gets all defensive or weirded out say something to the effect of "well you don't talk about her much and I was just interested...I like to keep up with the latest gossip haha...we all want to know I'm just the one that asked". Make it seem like just an innocent curiosity. Using "I" instead of "we" for most of what you decide to say puts the attention on you and makes you out to be very confident, which is what you want if you're trying to reel him in. If they are doing well, it would be best not to pursue anything more than friendship with him. If you do, It'll result in a lot of heartache for everyone and way more drama than you need. If he and Alex aren't doing well and you decide to go after him, be very careful. He may not be as into you as you want him to be. When you like someone it's easy to misinterpret their actions and make everything they do into some sort of sign that they like you too. Good luck!

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