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Your Love...
My boyfriend's birthday is coming up and I wrote him a poem in his birthday card called "Your Love". I showed it to my sister and a friend and they both told me it was depressing. It doesn't feel that way to me but I don't want him to think it is so can I get a general vote on this as a first-hand impression. I don't want to make it seem negative or anything...
Your love is wine
Moist in my mouth
It tastes too sweet to be
Something I could drink ordinarily
Your love is rum
Burning my throat
A warm feeling on a cold night
But only for a while
Your love is vodka
Turning my stomach
Dizzy spells leading to insanity
And a carefree state of mind
Your love is poison
Holding my breath
Ending my heartbeat
You make me blind
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I think it's fine. The problem is that you end it in such a way that makes it seem negative. It starts out all sweet and then gradually gets more serious. You make it sound like he's slowly killing you, not that your love for him is getting stronger. My suggestion would be to turn it around. Start it out with the poison and end with the wine. Maybe even adding another verse at the very end after the wine to wrap things up and explain your meaning better would help. I hope that makes sense because I don't want to write anything for you. It wouldn't be from your heart if you were somehow inspired by me. Good luck! :)
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I think it's brilliant. Not depressing, just a pretty accurate description of love. A lot of that I can completely relate to, and it's just truthful, not depressing. I'd love it if my boyfriend wrote me that. Go for it.
God bless
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hey, yes i think its depressing. i suggest that you search love poems on google or try a local library for poem books. if you want you could just re-write the poem. go to wittprofiles.com and get some ideas there. cait♥
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Yes it is depressing. "especially these verses
Your love is vodka
Turning my stomach
Dizzy spells leading to insanity
And a carefree state of mind
Your love is poison
Holding my breath
Ending my heartbeat
You make me blind
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I have here a poem for you. I hope you will like this one.
I Love You
With my every breath,
With all I have left,
From the deepest depths,
Of my heart, I love you.
With all of my strength,
With ten miles' length,
Every thought I think,
I think that I love you.
For the length of forever,
As long as we're together,
Through good and bad weather,
For always, I love you.
Until the very end of days,
Until God takes my breath away,
Until death separates our ways,
Until then, I love you.
When no one is there,
When you think no one cares,
When love seems too rare,
Remember, I love you.
When everything's gone,
When all has withdrawn,
When hopelessness dawns,
Don't forget, I love you.
When you fall down,
When your dreams come unwound,
When hope can't be found,
Be happy, I love you.
When you make mistakes,
When you're filled with hate,
When you're old and gray,
Even then, I'll love you.
Hope I helped you
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