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"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn

I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.

I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde

So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.

I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.

I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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i am a girl, and i have this white/yellow thick discharge and sometimes it comes out as liquid,then it gets hard on my underwear and sometimes it stays around the thing where you pee, and i'm really scared its a disease. it doesnt go away and it smells really bad no matter how many times i shower it. i dont wanna show my mom unless it is a disease but im really scared.
what should i do? do you know what it is? is it normal?
if it is normal, how do you get the smell away? _(link)

All women have discharge, varying in amount by where you are in your menstrual cycle. It is completely normal to be experiencing some discharge daily.
Some odor is completely normal but it should never smell awful. Every woman has her own scent.

Different Discharges:

1. Before ovulation- There will be a small amount of (mostly) clear discharge.

2. Closer to ovulation- Discharge is wet and sticky. It is usually white/lightly cream colored. There is usually some mucus but it isn't as stretchy as it will be during ovulation.

3. At ovulation (roughly about 14 days from your last period)- There will be a noticeably larger amount of discharge lasting a few days. It resembles stretchy egg whites. You are most fertile here (high risk pregnancy) and sperm entering your vagina will be able to survive slightly longer than other times.

4. After ovulation- Discharge is sticky but not as stretchy. Mostly clear, dwindling back to the "before ovulation" stage.

* Yeast infections cause quite a different discharge than normal.
Vaginal yeast infections can cause itching and burning, the white discharge may look similar to cottage cheese, there could be pain during sexual intercourse, and some swelling of the vulva. The discharge smells somewhat yeasty from what I've read but not always.

Sexual intercourse, antibiotics, using too much soap, tampon usage, and even wearing tight clothing can all cause a yeast infection to occur.

If you have never had one before and you suspect you do now, then you NEED to see your doctor for a proper diagnosis. From there, you can purchase over-the-counter medication such as Monistat from your local store. The 7-day treatment seems to be the best of the bunch. It comes with the medication, applicator, and instructions so you can do it yourself in privacy.

* Bacterial vaginosis (overgrowth of bacteria in your vagina) also means a change in your regular discharge. Many women experience an increase in discharge and a very unpleasant, fishy odor; however, some women do not experience anything odd. Other symptoms include: intense itching, swelling, and irritation. If left untreated, a woman can develop pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and become infertile.

I would say that if your normal odor has dramatically changed into a very unpleasant odor then this may be a cause. Bacterial vaginosis can be treated with antibiotics that you can get from your doctor. There are few over-the-counter medications such as RepHresh that help to prevent another case.

Seeking medical attention is necessary because none of the over the counter products can actually treat an active infection. More importantly, women often inaccurately diagnose BV as a yeast infection, and delay proper treatment which may lead to major complications (including not being able to have children).

I understand it may be uncomfortable to confront a parent/guardian about the issue but it is very important you see a doctor to make sure you are healthy. We are not doctors here so we can't give a 100% proper diagnosis. This is something very serious that you absolutely need to do. This is worth a doctor's visit, definately.

Try being open with your guardian about this. Let them know you have been experiencing some odd smelling discharge and found online that it may be a sort-of infection. It doesn't mean you're dirty, having sex, or doing anything wrong.

Until you're able see a doctor, you may want to wear a panty-liner so you don't have wet underclothing/pants. Do NOT wear a tampon as it will further disrupt the balance of bacteria in your vagina, and if you don't have an infection, you can get one then. You may also want to wear some looser clothing until you're properly treated.

Remember, vaginal infections, medications, and birth control can all alter the appearance of your normal discharge so if you have been on medication lately it may be the cause of this issue.

I wish you luck on finding a doctor to see about your smelly discharge.

i am a junior college student, and i am not able to cook real foods because the lack of a kitchen. from the time i graduated high school until now, i can DEFINITELY say, that i have gain A LOT of weight. when i was 16, i was 5'2 and 168lbs, i wasn't fat, i just had a stomach, but now i'm 21 and i'm 5'3 or 5'4 and i weight 250 (size 17-18 sometimes a 20). because of my weight, i get A LITTLE and i mean very little depressed because clothes don't fit me right, and that makes me not want to go shopping, i would like to get down to a size 10 or 12 (which for me, is 135). i've tried diets, but i always end up cheating because they're so nasty and when it comes to exercising i dont have the energy for it. i have already stopped drinking pop and i don't eat alot of burgers and chips. another reason i need to lose the weight is because dietbetes run in my family and they are always saying something about my weight, but its not easy to lose if you don't have the energy for excerising. so are there any suggestion. thanks...i would greatly appreciate it!!! _(link)

You sound a lot like myself.
I am 21 and currently weigh 266lbs. I stand 5'11" though so I'm a bit taller than you are.

Anyway, I've struggled with weight-loss my entire life. It really is hard to do, I know. The highest I've weighed was probably around 315lbs or so, maybe even more because there was a long period in which I refused to weigh myself. I know how it feels to not be able to fit into some stylish clothes.

Diets don't work. They just don't. If you are constantly denying yourself of everything you absolutely love to eat then you're constantly being tempted. You have to alter what you eat into something healthier, smaller proportions, or learn to find what is similar and satisfies your wants but is healthier. This takes devotion on counting calories and journaling your food intake so you know what exactly you're putting into your body.

So, don't diet--change your entire lifestyle.

Next, you need to get moving! Many people have excess weight because they do not exercise as much as they need to. I just recently began incorporating exercise into my lifestyle and I'll tell you it really makes me feel good after a good workout.

My suggestion is to find out if you have a Curves (for Women) in your area:

http://www.curvesinformation.com/locations.php

Curves is for women only and is directed mainly to the older and/or overweight. We're not older but we are both quite overweight, as you well know. Actually, according to the chart at Curves, I am considered obese and that's no good.

In addition to the work-out, Curves also has healthy-eating lifestyle changes. The book you get when signing up has the whole method, week by week, on how to change your entire way of eating. It has recipes and teaches you how to eat what you want without gaining the weight you don't want. I haven't done the dieting (this is my second week at Curves and they recommend you wait at least one month to decide if you need to change your eating habits or not).

Curves is pretty nice. Yes, they weighed and measured me the first time I went but it really wasn't as embarrassing as it sounded. What you see in the mirror? Everyone else sees that. Everyone knows you're overweight, it's no secret. The thin trainer didn't remark negatively about me after measuring/weighing. When I asked if my weight-loss goal was doable she said, "DEFINITELY! You can SO do this! This is not impossible." It's so positive and friendly there it really makes me feel comfortable.

This is how it works:

There are a set-up of a certain number of machines. Some curves have one or two more than others, depending on how long they have been opened. Anyway, you spend about 30 SECONDS on each machine. It really isn't hard to do--this coming from a girl that has never exercised in her entire life!

You spend 30 seconds on a machine and then you walk on this nifty little pad for 30 seconds to "rest" basically. The trainer teaches you how to do each machine properly and how to check your pulse rate, which you will check every 8 to 10 minutes. The trainer will always be there for you too so you don't have to worry about forgetting how to work a machine properly.

If you feel like you're too worked up or your pulse is racing then you take a 10 to 15 second break before continuing to let yourself calm down. There are a nice, upbeat music playing at all times and an overhead voice lets you know when it's time to move to the next machine or pad.

The total work-out lasts 30 MINUTES. Yes, that's all...half an hour for each workout session! In addition to that, there is no set times to have to show up. When your local Curves opens, you can show up whenever--even if it's 9:22am. You just show up and go right to working out so you never have to make a special time to show up or anything.

So, that's three times a week for half an hour each time. One hour and thirty minutes a week for good health, improved mentality, and a better body.

Pricing? Well, I think that varies from which Curves you join but mine was not very expensive for a fitness place. My sweetheart of a boyfriend paid $74 for me to sign-up (first 30 days free) and $34 a month after then. I know you don't have much money since you're a college student, but surely you can put back some cash so you can improve your health. It is much cheaper than other gyms and is specifically designed for women so I think it's worth the money.

You also can join Curves forums to help you out on progress and see how you are doing compared to other Curvers. There is:

http://www.curvesforum.com/

http://www.mycurves.com/

and

http://groups.msn.com/curvescommunity

I really, really like Curves and totally recommend it to you. If you simply cannot do it, you need to find some way of exercising regularly. That's the only way you're going to lose weight, keep it off, and remain healthy--learning to eat right without denying yourself and exercising regularly.

If you end up joining Curves, I wouldn't mind keeping in contact with you about progress. It always helps to have a person supporting you :)

As a note, Curves has given me MORE energy. Right after a work out I feel like I'm on top of the world and it doesn't drag me out either. I don't end up going to be crazy early that night or anything but I have noticed how much better I feel after going.

I hope you do well on figuring out how to lose weight and keep it off! Please feel free to ask me any questions on this subject :) I would happy to help you out if I can!

How do you get rid of split ends without cutting your hair? i never use any heat on my hair i only had my hair cut about 3 moths ago i dont want it cut very reguarly because i want it longer for the summer! i also only wash it every other day? _(link)

I read in a book about an ingredient in some shampoos and conditioners that is really important to look for.

It was called panthenol. It is suppose to be the B5 pro-vitamin and helps to strengthen the hair by filling in damaged areas, leading to less breakage and a smoother feel. It is suppose to help retain moisture (helping to keep it shiny) and thicken hair strands as well. Look for hair products containing this.

In addition, the book I was reading suggested finding a leave-in conditioner that had panthenol in it (some are even labeled on the front of the bottle) to help repair the hair follicles. The book claimed that this was the best method to repairing damaged hair and, if used properly for an extended period of time, would eventually "heal" the hair completely.

So, if I were you, I'd head to the store and look for some products containing this. Remember to pick up a good leave-in conditioner with it as well. In addition, always use products that help protect against heat styling products (like blowdriers, curling irons, and straighteners) to help prevent more damage being done.

about 2 weeks ago this guys fingered me im 15 and now iv missed a period nearly 2 im really worried he might of had cum on his hands or it came through his trousers or something i dont know i just keep feeling sick. Im to scarred to get a pregnancy test because if i was to be pregnant i wouldnt no what to do with myself! _(link)

I understand your concern; however, a pregnancy test may be the wisest choice if you suspect semen had contact with your vagina.

Before I go on to help you figure out what sort of pregnancy test to get, I'd like to point out that even fingering can be very dangerous to your health. You see, things like HPV and herpes can live in the nailbed of the fingers. This being said, you can easily contract them from being fingered, especially so if the person has unwashed hands (and didn't nailbrush their fingers).

So, you should be concerned over the transmission of a possible STD as well.

Next, you should know that when you engage in any sexual activity you need to be aware of the consequences. If you are pregnant it was no surprise, right? You know that sperm entering your vagina may cause a pregnancy. What has been done is done and not taking a pregnancy test is more harmful than taking one and finding out you're pregnant.

See, having a child at a young age can do a lot of harm to the body. Your body gets depleted of vital nutrients that you get, which is why it's super important to always take a prenatal vitamin. The prenatal vitamin helps your body to get enough nutrients that the baby needs as well, which will lower your chances of stunted growth and osteoporosis (thinning bones) later in life. The sooner you find out you're pregnant, the sooner you can begin taking the vitamins--and the healthier you're going to be in the long run.

Now, there wasn't any surprise that you were risking a pregnancy with this activity, obviously, but you should learn from your mistake. Next time, maybe you and your partner can engage in other fun activities without risking the health of your body. You know you're way too young to be able to take care of a child properly so please don't try to put yourself through that mess.

Now, where pregnancy tests come in is a little more tricky.

Home pregnancy tests are not really 100% accurate. There are lots of false-negatives. Home pregnancy tests can show a false-negative while you are pregnant even. I know a girl that was "negative" during her ENTIRE pregnancy! Also, just for future information, there is no such thing as a false-positive, so if you ever take a test and it says you are pregnant then you definately are.

Some home pregnancy tests are better than others. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others.

At the doctor's appointment they will do a pregnancy test for you and it will show the true answer to your issue. Some clinics will do the pregnancy test free if you cannot afford such a thing so you may want to check around. The test will include blood being drawn, most likely.

If you are pregnant, there are lots of options open to you. I do not suggest abortion since it can really do major, major damage to a woman's body; however, adoption is always a good choice. Sometimes friends of the family (or family members) end up adopting the child. Sometimes you can even choose who adopts your baby from an adoption agency.
You can always keep the baby as well and attend teenage-parental classes that are now being offered nationwide. Your parents, no matter how upset they may be at first, would probably help you get on your feet in the beginning. Yes, it would be a very difficult struggle but some women make it through life this way.

So, in short, I suggest you purchase one of the home pregnancy tests I listed above AND make a doctor's appointment to get one done if it shows up negative and your period is still late. Sometimes stress can cause periods to be off a little so relax and take a home test first and then wait a few days.

I also want to note that you are worth more than this. You do not have to have sexual encounters to be loved. You're putting yourself through so much stress and in such dangerous situations, I just want you to know that you deserve better. You shouldn't do this to yourself because you are somebody special and there will never be another person like you. This being said, please be cautious so you can be the best you possible.

I hope I've helped you figure out how to handle your situation properly. Please feel free to ask me any more questions if you'd like :)

How do you have sex? Which hole is the penis supposed to be inserted into? By the way, I'm 13/f and I don't know whether I want to have sex with my boyfriend or not. I really like him, and he won't leave me alone about it. What should I do? _(link)

First off, there are many different types of sexual activities a person could engage in. In addition, there are different ways to go about each activity. This being said, I cannot tell you specifically "how" to have sex; however, I can answer a few of your other questions.

You have three holes in your lower region. The first (closest to your front) is your urethra and this is where you urinate (pee) from. The second hole is your vaginal canal and this is where babies and menstrual blood exit from. The third is your anus and that is where your solid wastes exit you from.

Here is a decent diagram of how these three holes are laid out on your body:

http://www.middle-east-info.org/league/somalia/normalfemalegenitalanatomy.gif

As you can see, your vaginal opening is much larger than your urethra and is much higher up than your anal opening. Your vagina will also be a lot more moist in and around it than the other holes because it is constantly cleansing itself.

Sex is a major thing and you should definately be picky about what you do and who you do it with. You should not be in a hurry to lose your virginity. It's a very scary activity (you're naked and vulnerable in MANY ways during sex) and we're all pressured to do it in some way.

Your virginity is special and people should not be devaluing it like they are. Giving your virginity away to your husband on wedding night is an awesome gift that would be cherished and well-received. Be proud that you aren't having sex. Hold your head up high when people talk about you because secretly they are wishing they had waited because you're not missing anything. They have such bad sex lives they degrade the value of it and say it isn't a big deal. It IS a big deal and if they had been emotionally, physically, and mentally ready for it they would know how wonderful it can be to share such things with your husband/wife.

If you have sex and something goes wrong then you will be scarred for the rest of your life. If things get out of hand, pregnancy occurs, you're hurt in some way, or you contract a STD from the activity you cannot take it back. You will have to carry that onto each and every partner you have after then.

As a note, married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.

Sexual relations can be extremely risky and even fingers can actually carry herpes (both genital and oral), HPV, and other STDs/STIs. These STDs/STIs can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.

It is also very possible for someone to have an STD and not be aware of it while never having any previous sexual partners. If you check around some forums for people with STDs you will notice a surprising number of people who have transmitted their STD to their infant either during delivery, while in the womb, or even during a diaper change. The infant will unknowingly grow up so use to the symptoms of the incurable STD that they will be clueless that it is transmittable.

I also want to take note that condoms so a very poor job in helping to prevent the spread of STD/STIs. Seriously, if you're concerned about your health then you should have yourself and your partner screened for illnesses before engaging in activities. Many, many people contract STDs/STIs from engaging in sex with condoms. Condoms aren't really for preventing the spread of such things--they are only meant to be a barrier from sperm entering the vagina. This being said, it does not cover the entire genital region and, let's face it, STDs usually do.

Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm

Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research so you're aware of what they look like on the body:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html

Along with the risk of sexually transmitted disease/infections is the risk of pregnancy. Having a child is a huge responsibility and NO "protection" is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (or STDs, as a matter of fact). Condoms are actually about 85% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical use while hormonal birth control pills are about 92%. While they sound like large numbers, take into consideration that the condom percentage means that 15 in every 100 condom users will become pregnant and 8 in every 100 pill users will become pregnant.

Having a child (or children in the case of twins) means being completely selfless. You have to support the child financially and emotionally. You have to tend to another human life every minute of yours.

Personally, I know many people who became impregnated the same night they lost their virginity. Some were on birth control even so that alone shows the ineffectiveness of it. Some were prepared for such things and some were completely lost and had to scrap their entire life-plans to raise another being.

Also, if I were you, I'd like to be prepared so that I could give my offspring the best chance at life possible. I wouldn't want to raise a child that wasn't capable of making it in life because I wasn't ready to put down my life for his/hers.

Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php

Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.

In addition because of your young age, even if you have not started menstruating (having your periods) you can still become pregnant. You cannot tell when you will begin having periods which means you won't know when your egg is being released from the ovary. This being said, you can only assume that you are in your most fertile state all of the time since you cannot even consider calculating it. So, yes, you'd definately be at risk for pregnancy. There are many younger people that have gotten pregnant--I recall two 9 year olds in China getting pregnant years ago.

And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points about when you should lose your virginity:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm

Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm

In short, it is not wise to give into your boyfriend's pressure. He isn't a good guy if he doesn't care about your needs and wants. You are far too young to be able to handle the responsibilities that sex may throw at you--pregnancy, STDs/STIs, emotional baggage--you are worth a lot more than that!

Before you decide to have sex, you need to educate yourself completely. Please don't go into things blind! You should know all the possibilities so that if something goes wrong you know how to handle it or know more about it. There isn't anything scarier than finding out you have an STD and are pregnant and have no idea how to treat the STD and how to be a good mother.

Honestly, I really believe the guy is not interested in you at all. He only wants sex from you and he will do what he has to do to get it. I know it may hurt a little to realize this but it is absolutely true. If he cared about you, he wouldn't put your in this sort of situation. It sounds like you care about him but he only wants one thing from you. You deserve RESPECT and should not be pressured to engage in harmful activities for his pleasure!

Any GOOD guy wouldn't pressure you at all but would assume that he needed to wait until wedding night anyway. There ARE guys out there that are more than willing to wait until it's the right time (wedding night) so please hold out for that special guy for you.

If the guy leaves and says bad things about you then know that you can hold your head up high for passing another hurdle in life. There is no reason why you should be having sex. It is doubtful that any 13 year old is ready to deal with the consequences of having children and that is what sex was intended for.

If your boyfriend is serious and you decide sex is right then you should really sit down with him and discuss this matter. Look up some photos online together of what STDs have done to people's bodies. Discuss financial responsibility and emotional support you would have to provide if there happens to be a life created from the activity. Think of the POSSIBILITIES and make sure that you're truly ready to handle everything that can come from having sex.

You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you then sex shouldn't be a priority. Love does not mean you should be having sex and having sex does not mean you love someone. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner.

I wish you luck on figuring out what is best to do for you. I do hope I've informed you of some things you hadn't considered. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me :)

does sex take your virginity like tampons?

can someone tell if you had sex? _(link)

Your hymen can possibly break when inserting a tampon. Hymens tend to be considered the physical "virginity" of a woman in this culture. Usually inserting a tampon only stretches the hymen a bit, but not all women are created equal and some just don't have as much elasticity as others. Some are so elastic-like that they can stretch enough to allow a penis to enter.

Hymen elasticity is lost with age and activity. If you have rough sex or sex very often then it will tear the hymen. If you are older (like mid-30s) and your hymen is still there and you engage in sex, chances are your hymen will not allow an entire penis to enter without breaking.

The hymen (or "cherry" as some younger generations refer to it as) usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina without stretching/tearing.

It is rare but some females are born with an imperforate hymen--or a hymen with no opening. A doctor will do a simple surgery to create a hole in the hymen of these newborn females so that blood from later menstrual cycles does not back up into the body.

Here is a link to different kinds of hymens a woman may have:

http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/?article=3rF5

If your hymen is not in-tact it does indicate that you have done something to tear/break it. If you have inserted objects into your vagina then it is broken. Your hymen does tend to indicate virginity since it usually does not tear/break unless something has been inserted. It doesn't actually tell if you had a penis put inside of you though.

Usually, when a person claims to be a virgin people expect for the person's hymen to be in-tact. This being said, if you claim to a future husband that you are a virgin and he checks on wedding night and doesn't see a hymen he may feel you have already lost your virginity previously. However, there is the option to have a hymen reconstructed called hymenoplasty if you have accidentally torn yours and want it to be repaired before sexual activities.

In short, some people actually do consider tampon usage taking of the virginity while others do not see it that way. Doctors can tell if you've inserted something into your vagina by seeing if your hymen has been stretched and/or torn but they usually don't say anything to you or your parent(s).

last night, my boyfriend and i fooled around and he tittie f***** me. Before he put his penis between my breasts, he started kissing there and stuff and after tittie f****** he ejaculated all over my chest. Today I look in the mirror and it looks like i have a big rash all over my breasts and in between but there red bumps, but they dont itch or anything. What is it? Can I treat it? What should I do? my parents would kill me if they found out. _(link)

It sounds as if you may be allergic to your partner's semen, but there is no way to tell without you going to the doctor specifically for this.

Approximately 13% of women are allergic to some men's semen. This number may be under-estimated because many men and women engage in safer-sex practices, using condoms to prevent semen from coming in contact with the body.

This percentage was taken from this link:

http://www.monitor.co.ug/artman/publish/health-and-living/An_intimate_allergy.shtml

stating: "...suggests that approximately 13 percent of women examined during a study carried out in 1997 were determined to have the allergy making it more common than previously thought."

It's actually the proteins in the semen that a woman may be allergic to so there isn't really any way to make this discontinue. It's possible to have allergies to common proteins found in most men's semen or to have allergies to a specific person's proteins so you may only be allergic to your partner's semen.

If you are allergic to your partner's semen and engage in sexual intercourse in which he ejaculates or pre-ejaculates inside your vagina you may experience burning, redness, swelling, hives, itching, and possibly a yeast infection. It sounds as if you've broken out in some sort of hives on your chest area where the semen came in contact with your skin.

It is important for these women to use condoms while engaging in sexual activities. Semen allergies can become very severe, resulting in breathing complications. Usually the allergy symptoms will gradually worsen over time so exposure does nothing to help the body not react in this matter.

I recommend you make a doctor's appointment to discuss this issue with a professional. The sooner the appointment, the better so they can scrap the area and see if it is indeed an allergic reaction. Allergy testing may be necessary to ensure your future health. You will definately need to tell your doctor what happened before the rash appeared; however, it is unlikely the doctor will say anything to your parents about what happened.

In addition, if your partner has herpes (either or both type 1 and 2) you may have contracted herpes on your chest. It is very possible to have herpes all over your body so it isn't as silly as you may have just thought. This being said, you may need to have an STD test done to ensure this is not the case. Usually the signs and symptoms do not show up before three days but I suppose it could be possible.

The "usually signs and symptoms do not show up before three days..." was taken from:

http://www.umm.edu/patiented/articles/what_symptoms_of_herpes_simplex_virus_000052_2.htm

stating: "The first outbreak usually occurs in or around the [infected or exposed] area between 3 days and 2 weeks after exposure to the virus."

I hope I've helped you figure out what is causing the rash on your chest. I also hope you take precautions to prevent future complications due to unprotected sexual activities.

ok so maybe i exaggerated on the headline.
anywho....i died my hair about around december && it kind of fell off from da back...;/ its all extra short and it wont grow!...do you guys know of some shampoos that will make it grow or something?! _(link)

Your will probably benefit more from taking vitamins orally than applying them to your hair for the actual growth. To strengthen hair, you'll need to purchase some products to apply to the hair shaft itself.

A good multivitamin might be the place to start. Here is a list of specific vitamins and minerals you're going to want to take though:

* Vitamin A
* Vitamin C
* Vitamin E
* Biotin
* Inositol
* Niacin (Vitamin B3)
* Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5)
* Vitamin B6
* Vitamin B12
# Calcium
# Chromium
# Copper
# Iodine
# Iron
# Magnesium
# Manganese
# Potassium
# Selenium
# Silica
# Sulfur (methyl-sulfonyl-methane or MSM)
# Zinc

From:
http://hairloss.about.com/od/preventinghairloss/a/Vitamins.htm
&
http://hairloss.about.com/od/preventinghairloss/a/Minerals.htm

To strengthen your hair you should buy shampoos, conditioners, and leave-in conditioners that include pro-vitamin B5 (also referred to as panthenol). It helps to heal your hair, recovering it from split-ends. It may also help to thicken the hairs if they are thinning and breaking because of this.

The next time you dye your hair you should be careful to use shampoos and conditions specifically designed for dyed hair to help retain moisture to prevent breakage. Remember that leave-in conditioners are your friend when it comes to dyed, dry, and damaged hair. Also, try to use products that help to protect against heat products if you are a user of blowdriers, curling irons, and even straighteners.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now. I'm 14, and he's turning 15. We haven't had sex, but we have talked about it. The problem is, there are other couples in my school having sex that haven't even been together that long. Basically, I'm pressured all the time to have sex with him. I feel like we have waited way too long and if everyone else is, then why aren't we? I know I should wait until I'm ready..but it's been over a year and I feel like we have to. What should I do. _(link)

I totally understand how you feel about being pressured to have sex. The thing you should know is that you are not alone and there are many people your age, older, and younger that are waiting until the right time to engage in sexual activities.

Virginity really should be cherished. I know a lot of young people now have given into the pressure of the media only to find depression later in life. A lot of times when a person loses their virginity and goes through problems in their relationship they feel guilty, depressed, angry, and a lot more strong emotions for giving up their virginity.

I'm not saying that your relationship is not strong, but if something happens down the road and you are left without a partner you may experience major depression. It also makes it a lot harder to "get over" an ex because of the bond that has been formed.

Sex also can totally change a relationship. Some people find out that the only thing their partner is interested in is sex. The feeling becomes addicting to some and they began to disregard the feelings of their partner. Many people began to lost interest in their partners as well when they realize that sex isn't as great as others have made it out to be. In addition, many people show their true colors after engaging in sexual activities, leaving the other partner confused and in a tough situation ("Wow, he is so not what I thought he was! Should I stay with him? He doesn't make me happy any more though...")

You need to be as educated as possible before engaging in sex and this is where a lot of people are lacking. This means knowing all of your facts--good and bad. Many people like to pretend that they are not at risks for STDs and then when they are diagnosed they are confused, lost, and completely uninformed. If they had been responsible and researched beforehand they would have been able to cope a lot better.

To help you out some, here are a few links you should definately check out while giving this thought:

Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php

Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm

Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research so you're aware of what they look like on the body:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html

And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm

Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm

When you are prepared emotionally, physically, and financial to have children then it is the right time to engage in sexual activities. Children can be accidents, birth control is not always effective, and it's best to be completely prepared. A parent-to-be needs to make major decisions while being stable enough to handle the worst.

Worst case scenario is that you lose your virginity, find out your partner has been cheating on you, realize you've contracted an incurable STD, and are pregnant. If your partner leaves, then you're alone with an STD you have to inform future partners about, plus you'll have to figure out how you're going to support a child. There are SO MANY different things that could happen that it's really not worth having sex before getting married even. I mean, some women really do go through things like that--they thing their partner is great and then he turns into something they never saw before, leaving them confused and lost in a hard situation. I don't want to see anyone like that :(

Enjoy your youth right now with your boyfriend. Make good memories of other activities you two can do together. Things you can look back at when you're older and grey, giggling, and say, "Remember when...!" Sex really doesn't leave you with those sorts of memories. You look back and say, "We really didn't do much when we were younger..."

I hope I've helped you figure some things out really. I know you're going through tough times. If you have any more questions like this you can always ask me :)

ok well..I wanted to know if there's a certain number I can call or a place I can visit for people dealing with depression/suicide/self-mutilation? I want to be able to talk to someone and get help without my parents knowing. I really don't want to go down this road again. I went through all of this before and finally my parents think everything is fine and dandy. I swear if they found out..it'd be like re-opening wounds and we'd be back at step one. Help please!

yours,
Michellemonster _(link)

There are many different suicide hotlines that you can call toll-free. Here are a few, varying by state:

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

And you can always call the national hotline if you're unable to call locally.

National Suicide Hotlines (USA)

Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)

1-800-799-4TTY (4889)---Deaf Hotline

And here are a few more about suicide:

Suicide & Crisis Hotline
1-800-999-9999

Suicide Hotline - (National Adolescent)
800-621-4000

There are also hotlines specifically for self-injury so you can talk to people who have struggled through the same thing:

SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

There are also many teen help lines nowadays that you can call and talk about many different problems on:

Teen Helpline
1-800-400-0900

TeenLine
1-800-522-8336

And here is a neat link to something called Boys Town:

http://www.boystown.org/hotline/index.asp

In which they have a hotline number (1-800-448-3000). They claim to they can help:

"...with suicide prevention, depression, school issues, parenting troubles, runaways, relationship problems, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, chemical dependency, anger and much more."

I hope that you find your way through this struggle quickly. I know it can be a hard road to travel and if you aren't willing to open up to your parents it's going to be a lot harder. Remember that your parents are there to help you, not hurt you. They may be helpful at giving you advice or finding you some reliable help so you don't have to journey alone.

Please consider reaching out to your parents. Yes, they may be confused and scared but I know you are too. If you're truly seeking help then they will see this as an opportunity to help you and not a troubled teen seeking the wrong type of attention. They aren't going to be disappointed that you've slipped up, it will just make them aware of your situation and the fact that you do need help.

I hope all goes well and you find the right help you're seeking.

I am quiet late on my period,the date of the 1st day of my last period was on the 16th May, i am regualar, i took a pregnancy test on the 21st june and its come out negative.is there a possibilty that i can be pregnant or have i done the test to early.plz someone help me, feeling a bit alone and confused at the minute.thank you for reading this _(link)

You are very late and you have every right to be concerned about this.

Home pregnancy tests are not really 100% accurate. There are lots of false-negatives. Since you did get a negative read out but have not started your period then you really probably want to make a doctor's appointment for a pregnancy test.

Home pregnancy tests can show a false-negative while you are pregnant. I know a girl that was "negative" during her ENTIRE pregnancy! Also, just for future information, there is no such thing as a false-positive, so if you ever take a test and it says you are pregnant then you definately are.

Some home pregnancy tests are better than others. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others. So, if you have a cheap one then maybe it isn't sensitive enough to get a true read-out.

At the doctor's appointment they will do a pregnancy test for you and it will show the true answer to your issue. Some clinics will do the pregnancy test free if you cannot afford such a thing so you may want to check around. The test will include blood being drawn.

You should make the appointment soon to be tested. If you are pregnant, you'll need to start a good prenatal vitamin so ensure the health of the baby and yourself.

I wish you well.

can sperm be netralized
_(link)

Sperm can be neutralized in a few ways, I suppose. By neutralized I mean killed off because, let's face it, if they're alive they will do everything in their power to fertilize the egg in question.

First off, if semen dry outside of the body then they are, pretty much, dead. Sperm need a warm, moist environment to survive in. This being said, once the sperm enter the vagina, they have live for DAYS with no problem. The vagina is one of the best environments they can be in.

Secondly, sperm can be killed off inside the body if the male currently is receiving an injection to make him infertile. Apparently the government is in the process of making this "vaccine" though I do not believe it has been released to the public. Basically it would make the male discontinue producing sperm and the body could never start producing them again, leading to complete infertility. Sometimes men can become sterile from childhood trauma but only a doctor can truly make that determination.

Here is a link explaining some of the "vaccine" which prevents fertility:

http://www.thecornerhouse.org.uk/item.shtml?x=52225

Next, soap is effective on killing sperm. This being said, many men and women like to wash their hands thoroughly after mutual masturbation so they do not worry about sperm entering the vagina from moist fingers.

There is also a theory that if you have a more acidic body that the Y sperm (for making males) will be killed off by the different PH balance inside the vagina. This decreases chances of having a male offspring; however, it does not decrease the chances of pregnancy. Y sperm are naturally more fragile than X sperm and are killed off easier than X sperm. Doctors claim that if you are trying to conceive a boy then to stay away from acidic foods like tomatoes and oranges so that more Y sperm live too.

This being said, some sperm may have been neutralized by natural antibodies or hostile cervical fluids. Again, this is not the entire ejaculate being neutralized.

Spermicide may also kill off sperm; however, it is no effective on killing off all of the active sperm. You can find spermicide on some condoms and can purchase it in vaginal foams and such for sexual activities.

In addition, gastric fluids neutralize sperm so it is safe to ingest. The acidity in your stomach would not allow sperm to survive; however, saliva will not kill sperm and is unlikely to damage semen.

In short, yes, sperm can be neutralized; however, it is a little more difficult to figure out once it's actually inside the vagina.

I hope I've effectively answered your question.

What do you think about the children who come to this site, at the ages of 12-14 asking sexual questions? Questions that aren't educational, yet nasty, disrespectful, and questions which tell their age? Are you comfortable as adults answering them or would you rather them not be able to ask those type of questions on this site?

The morals of our youth today really concern me. For the most part, it's not 100% about the question, it's about the words they chose to use while asking it. This is why there are so many STD's, AIDS, teen pregnancies today. It saddens me that some of the questions deal with anal sex, oral sex, size of penises, except they use the D word and P word. I had no idea of what some of these things even meant to begin asking when I was 13? What are some of your opinions and feelings on this subject? seriously & are you as older teens, and adults OK with answering those type of questions from these children that think they are grown and have no idea of what it's like to be grown in the real world? _(link)

I am 21 years old so I'm not much older than the other users of this site. It seems to me that most of them are actually 13 to 16 or so. As a note, 12 year olds and under are not allowed on this site.

The problem really starts in the home. The family has been demolished actually. Both parents now must work full-time jobs (sometimes more than one) to support the family. While they are gone, the users of this site are left home alone, with siblings, or with peers their own age. There are no adults to look up to any more. The adults are too busy to be able to answer their questions and give them educational information.

The media also feeds kids a lot of disgusting things. Celebrities are made famous by pornographic material now. Musicians are liked according to how graphic their material is. Television shows now incorporate gays, rapes, and prostitution as normal activities. These kids are being fed that the less clothes they were, the more they will be liked. The dirtier they dance, the more attention they will receive. They are TAUGHT that the more they are "in touch with their sexuality" the more they will be liked.

When you have a large group of kids feeling that sex will give them some sort of twisted fame, it pressures other kids to fall into the group. As far as I can tell, these teenagers feel they cannot even get a decent date if they don't "put out"--and IT IS TRUE! They have been fed so much crap about having sex that they honestly believe they should do it and expect it.

The users here simply don't know.

They are told to have sex to become popular but they aren't told about STD risks.

They are told that birth control is completely effective and that there are times during the normal menstrual cycle that you cannot get pregnant when those both are not true.

They are told that their parents simply don't care and don't know about how they feel because they're always at work when in reality the parents are trying very hard to give the child a decent opportunity at life.

They are told that babies are easy to raise and that they should either have them young or get pregnant and have an abortion but they aren't told about the damage both can do to the body and how it can totally demolish a person's life.

They are told that virginity is not a big deal and the faster you lose it, the better you'll be when in reality we should be cherishing it and waiting until we are married and ready for children to begin engaging in sexual activities.

I feel fine answering sexual questions on this site because I want the teenagers to know the truth. I don't like some of the answers they get from their peers that tell them not to worry when it's a huge situation. I want to educate them in hopes they will educate others. I want to answer the sexual questions so I know that a few people out there will know the truth.

Yes, the language isn't appropriate all of the time but I overlook it. Sometimes I will tell them what the phrase means so they know exactly what it is such as:

"...wanted to pop my cherry..."

...and I will answer:

"Breaking the hymen (or "popping the cherry" as some younger generations refer to it as) means you'll be losing your virginity...virginity is very, very important and special; you only have ONE and when it's gone, it's gone..."

I figure the more information I can give out in one question, the more knowledge the reader is left with. I try my best to answer all of the questions that may follow from their one answer. If someone asks something like:

"How do I know if I have herpes?"

I answer with the symptoms along with the types of herpes and where they can be located. I describe what it can do to the body, what outbreaks are like for different kinds, how they may have gotten it (meaning condoms are not effective on preventing such things), how easily it is spread, that they should inform partners if they have it, and that they need to see a doctor to confirm and for medications to help suppress outbreaks.

What you need to realize that this is today's youth. What you see on this site is what is out in the real world now These teenagers interact with thousands just like them. It's best to sit down and answer these questions as informatively as you can so they learn the truth.

These teens will grow up to produce such a sad generation. If they don't learn now, they will just reproduce and not be able to teach their children even if they have the time to.

Teenagers are easily influenced. We have to work against their peers and the media to be able to get through to them. I think this site is a great place to start because lots of their peers use this site too and are wondering the exact same things.

If you want, you can go through my column and help to answer questions just like I did. I have some great useful links in some of the questions and wouldn't mind you linking to those things in similar questions if you felt the need to. Instead of wondering how to make them stop asking these questions, work on how to answer them appropriately and informatively. They really don't know if you don't tell them the truth.

I hope I've helped you see some things you may have overlooked in your questioning the site.

I am 30 years old, female, and I have been married for 10 years. We have two children, ages 7 and 8. I love my husband and I would describe our relationship as a good one.
My problem is I think about my ex boyfriend. A lot. As in every day a lot. Where this starts to become strangely pathetic is the fact that I haven't seen him or had contact with him in 13 years. He was my boyfriend my junior year of high school. We were only together a few months. Our relationship ended when he dumped me, and I (being 17 and completely emotional) was heartbroken. I got married when I was 20, and I dated a few guys between this ex and my husband. I never give any of the others a second thought.
It really bothers me that I still think about him so much, especially after SO MUCH time has gone by. I know they say you never forget your first love, but this has become beyond ridiculous. I'm far too humiliated to admit this to any of my friends and family. This may sound trivial, but it's become a minor form of torture and is interfering with my life and peace. Please tell me, what can I do to stop this stupidity? _(link)

I understand your confusion about the situation. I know it can be difficult to completely get over a past partner; however, this truly is interfering with your daily life it seems. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time all of these years later.

This being said, you should, first and foremost, communicate with your husband about this situation. Your husband may have gone through this exact same process and may help you find relief in him. He also may help you to find out what your past partner is currently doing with his life, letting you understand what you have "missed out on" by not continuing to be in his life.

Your husband may be upset that you are constantly thinking of another man so you should definately reassure him that there are no sexual desires in that manner and you are only curious as to where the person has gone in life. Let your husband know that you feel bad about wondering and are seeking closure. A lot of people wonder what has happened to their ex-partners so he may be able to sympathize. It is human nature to be curious, especially about loved-ones. I understand he is no longer a "loved-one" but he did use to be.

Your husband may be up to meeting this past partner with you but never ever make an appointment to see the ex alone. If your husband agrees, you may want to try contacting the ex and make a lunch date for the three of you. This way you can find out where the person is without your husband feeling left-out and betrayed. It is never good to hide anything from your partner.

It also may be beneficial to seek out a decent therapist to work out some of the unresolved feelings you are having toward the ex. A good therapist will not prescribe you drugs to get over your problems but will help you verbally express the emotions you're going through while helping you work out the reasons you feel those emotions. You definately do not need prescription medication for this issue; however, you definately do need to express what is going on inside of you.

Occupy your time with meaningful things to make you better enjoy your current life. Do more things with your husband to make the time you have on Earth enjoyable. Let yourself be happy with who you're with. Make where you're going in life where you want to be.

You may want to journal the emotions you're having so you can see if there is a pattern (depression that day, problems with husband that day, etc). It may be helpful to see when you begin thinking of the ex and what exactly you're thinking about. If you think about a really good memory during times when your husband seems busy then try to figure out how to incorporate more "fun times" in your life with your husband.

Now, if you're wondering what a relationship would have been like with the past partner throughout these years and this is what is your issue then you should relax. Because there was such a major break up (meaning you two did not get back together, of course) means there was no way it could ever work out. There was too many issues for you to deal with together and it simply was not meant to be. Even if you feel there were no problem, you must understand that the problems were larger on his side than they were yours since he did end the relationship. Even if you didn't see why it should end, he saw every reason why it couldn't last.

If this is your problem, deep down inside, then you really need to come back to reality. A lot of people fantasize about what could-have-been, overlooking the disaster that was. Real love, as you well know, means staying by your partner through sickness, poverty, depression, etc. Obviously the past relationship was unable to experience "true love" since the guy felt he could not stick by you through those possible issues.

It may help to focus on what is and what will be rather than what could have been. If you're going through a lot of problems in your current marriage and this has led you to start wondering about an ex then you should try to focus more on fixing the marriage than wishing about the past. Communicate to your husband about what is going on with you. Fix what the relationship is lacking by opening up to your current partner about where you want to be in life and how he can help make that possible--even if it's something as simple as, "I want to go out once a month on a REAL date with you. It makes me happy that you're proud to be seen with me."

You will get over the ex. Some people take more time than others. The key is realizing that it was never going to work out--maybe YOU could have worked with the relationship but the guy could not. There are obviously unresolved issues going on which are probably about the what-ifs in life.

Don't get hung-up on the past like many people do. Focus on your present and future and things are going to be alright. Find what you're missing in your husband, have him help fill the hole that is your ex.

I hope you figure out what you need filled so you can get over the past. I thank you for choosing me to answer your question and I hope that I've helped you work your way to a wonderful marriage.

my friend gets gross out when she see couples kiss man and women. but when we saw a moive with a scene where two girls kiss one another she didnt say "ewww". she trun and look at me (i saw it in the corner of my eye). we are both bi curious but i know she doesnt like me because we are friends but WTF why did she look at me?
i know friends can go out but she said she see me as a sister...idk _(link)

Alright, first thing is first, just because someone does not verbally say, "EWH," during an unsightly moment on television does not mean they are interested.

Secondly, just because she looked over to you does not mean she is interested. Obviously you looked at her, maybe she looked at you in a less tactful manner. She may have been curious to see how disgusted you were at it and looked over just like you looked over out of the corner of your eye to see her face. She was curious about your facial reaction. If she was truly interested during this time, she probably would have "made a move" as they say and suggested a kiss between you two.

She may have simply looked your way to see if you were truly interested in the scene. She may be curious if you are honestly interested in women because she questions herself about this. She doesn't want to feel alone, most likely, so during things like this she may seek out reassurance from a member of the same gender. You not saying ewh may simply make her feel more comfortable, so she checked out your facial expression to insure she was in a safe situation and that you weren't going to belittle her for liking the scene. She may also not truly be bisexual/bi-curious and may be checking your facial expression, hoping you will disagree with the scene so she can verbally express her desire to only be with the opposite gender.

If you honestly want to know what she was thinking and why she looked in your direction then you're going to have to talk to her. She probably isn't going to be embarrassed since she has expressed her interest in women anyway. It is perfectly acceptable to ask about her actions.

Thirdly, if you are honestly bi-curious or bisexual and you are female then seeing two females kissing each other should not be disgusting. Saying you are attracted to females, while being a female yourself, means you do not find it gross for others of your gender to interact sexually with each other. By remarking that something is nasty, gross, disgusting, or simply saying, "Ewh," means you are not honestly interested in the activity. Being bisexual/bi-curious would mean you felt an attraction to kissing and sexually interacting with your same gender.

This being said, you shouldn't have felt she should react with verbally disagreeing with the scene. You know she is somewhat interested in women, as are you, which means you are looking for something that simply does not exist. The scene was not disgusting for her because she feels it's acceptable and, possibly, appropriate.

Next, if she has clearly stated that she only sees you as a sister then you need to back off. Sisters do not interact sexually with each other, meaning she has no desire to kiss/touch you. It really may end up starting a lot of drama if you try to interpret feelings from her that really aren't there. If you cannot communicate to her about your questioning of her feelings toward you then you need to stop putting yourself in situations like you've described here so that you do not feel awkward and confused any longer.

In short, there are many reasons why your friend may have looked at you. It's doubtful she looked at you in a sexual manner since she did not suggest you two become closer during that moment. You may feel it's best to communicate with your friends about this situation to better understand her part of the situation. You also may want to discontinue situation in which you are alone with the friend so you do not feel awkward.

I hope things turn out for you and you better understand your true sexuality later on.

Ok im 17/f .. Im about to be 18 in august and im like really wanting to have a baby..like REALLLY REALLLLY BAD..and im on birth control would it be wrong if I stopped taking my birth control without my boyfriend knowing just to get pregnant?..we want a baby just not now maybe in 5 years he said. But I want one now... _(link)

Your body is quickly maturing so a lot of hormones are rushing around. They are very intense feelings right now but you will learn to control these urges a bit as you grow.

My cousin, who was 15 at the time, really wanted to become pregnant. She talked about it constantly and how much she really desired it. I've noticed that as she's matured these urges have died down some and she isn't as centered on them. Her hormones have balanced out moreso and they aren't trying to run her body as much as they were.

Having a child a 17 can really do some major damage on your body. A baby takes a lot from your body while you're pregnant and in it's infancy. It gets all of it's nutrients from you and can deplete you of your own--which can cause you not to mature completely (stunted growth, weak bones, depression, etc).

Also, a baby takes a lot of time and energy. The baby needs 100% of you all of the time. They need all of the emotional support you can give them and, face it, you're not quite up to that yet. Try thinking about balancing child rearing, a full-time job, paying on hospital bills from delivery, and homework all in one day. You'd get so burned out quickly that you couldn't provide a decent life for the baby.

Having a baby means you're sacrificing all of you for another being. You have to alter or give up your future dreams to ensure that they will have a future. Forget having decent relationships with guys too if you're unmarried. They will know how much responsibility you hold and may even fear of getting you pregnant again; even if you stay with the guy that impregnated you he may become nervous of producing another child and there will be a lot of stress on the relationship--more reason of a break-up. The baby becomes your entire life, your world revolves around him/her.

Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:

"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."

"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."

"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."

"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"

"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."

...taken from:

http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php

It's quite impossible that you can give a child a good life at this point in your life. You need to think of raising a healthy, happy baby instead of giving into your own desires.

Think of it this way:

If you have a baby, you're being selfish when you should be doing everything you possibly can to ensure your baby grows up well. You simply are not thinking of the possible child right now--you're only thinking about you. Be selfless. Don't reproduce yet. Give your children the best you can.

Give it some time. Let your body mature and grow a few more years before deciding if you are able to raise a child. It's okay to feel motherly but it isn't okay to give into your desires right now. It's nature to want to reproduce but it's best to wait right now.

So, in short, it's your hormones trying to balance out in your body still. Relax and enjoy your youth while you can. You have plenty of time to be having children when your body is more mature and you're more stable.

I also hope that you weren't serious about tricking your boyfriend into getting your pregnant. This is serious and if you cannot clearly communicate to your boyfriend about your own desires then it really is not best to put him in the situation on purpose. If you truly, honestly think you're prepared to raise a child then you need to talk to your boyfriend about it--it would be as much his child as it would be yours. It is never right to trick someone into something that could completely screw up their life so please do not purposely skip birth control pills to get what you desire.

It sounds like your boyfriend has his head on right. In a few years, like he said, you two may be able to raise a child decently enough. Please take into consideration the life of the child and the life of your partner before deciding to become pregnant. I'm sure you don't want to be responsible for three failed lives because you let your hormones get the best of you so early in life.

I hope your urges calm down and you can relax a little about the issue so you don't feel you need to jump into things.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half months. It seems like so much longer though. We're so comfortable with each other, and we both know we're in love. The thing is, we want to have sex, but he's afraid I'm going to freak out afterwards. We've done basically everything else and I know theres no one I'd rather loose it to. Although, hes not a virgin. (He's 18) So my question is, what do people mean by sex changes everything? We already have an amazingly close relationship, and I trust him, so how would it change our relationship? _(link)

When I was younger, I thought I had fallen in love with the perfect guy. I felt at the time that we had such a close relationship and decided that I wanted to have sex with him. After six months or so of dating, I lost my virginity to him, expecting to stay with the guy for a very long time if not forever.

However, after we had sex things dramatically changed. He suddenly became insanely jealous and I was no longer allowed to communicate with friends. He started controlling everything he could about me. When I thought I couldn't take any more and tried to leave the relationship he threatened suicide and, in fear, I stayed. The scariest thing was that he never showed any of these signs before we had sex--it was like he totally changed personalities completely!

I also want to note that instead of trying to find fun, new, interesting things to do together, we just had sex. It was an extreme let-down in so many ways--I began to realize that he had no interest in being with me anymore. He didn't want to spend time doing things with me, he only wanted to have sex and go on his way. When we weren't having sex, we were usually on the phone having a huge argument about why I said, "HI!" to my best female friend that day or something equally as stupid.

Now, nobody is perfect, just like no relationship is but things can and do change. For me, my partner became jealous and greedy. He stopped caring about ME. He stopped caring about US. I was completely miserable.

I ended up staying with the guy a total of a year and a half. A year of that was out of fear that he would kill himself. The first six months was really not so bad and, being childish and naive, I believed that we were very close and truly in love.

Years later I still regret sleeping with him. I look back at my mistake and can't believe I let myself fall into that mess. The relationship was totally killed after we had sex and many times I wonder if that was the only thing he was after and once I gave it up he showed his true colors. I know not everyone is alike but I've heard my same story from quite a few different girls--after the sex some guys really do become jerks and the relationship crumbles almost instantly.

Please take the time to get close with your guy. Don't be left with hang-ups years down the road because you chose to be with a guy who, turns out, didn't really love and care about you. Work on the relationship before taking things further--a lot of young people think sex will bond them closer and what they should realize is they should already be bonded as much as possible first. You have to be able to communicate very effectively with your partner for things to work out in the long-run.

I hope things go well with you and you make the right decision about your relationship. If you have more questions about this please feel free to ask me :)

Okay I have been on birth control almost 2monthes now. Well I haven't had my period in a month, I didn't take my sugar pills but I don't think that should have an effect on my period NOT coming. I have had no signs of pregnancy an I took a test 3 days before my period was supposed to come which was the 7th? SO I need advice??? _(link)

It is correct that the hormonal birth control pill is 99.7% effective when used in perfection; however, it is unlikely that you are using the pills as perfectly as one hopes. This means that you should be taking your pill at the EXACT SAME TIME every single day, no alterations to your body or lifestyle. Even if you're only a couple of hours off, you have increased the chances of a pregnancy.

Let's face it, we are not perfect beings. Many things can lead to an imperfection in taking hormonal birth control pills. Antibiotics, mis-scheduling, herbs/supplements, major stress, and even weight gain can cause issues in the quality of pregnancy prevention (it can render your Hormonal Birth Control completely ineffective even).

With TYPICAL use of the hormonal birth control, a woman is 92% protected from pregnancy. However, one should take into consideration that even with a 92% effective rate, there is an estimated 8 in every 100 women who will become pregnant from typical usage. This being said, you should be taking as many precautions as humanly possible to prevent a pregnancy (along with STD/STI transmission).

Since your period is so extremely late you may want to make an appointment at your clinic to have a pregnancy test there. Home pregnancy tests can read a false-negative, showing you're not pregnant when you are (no, there are no false-positives). Your doctor's pregnancy test will know for-sure if you are pregnant or not.

I also want to note that if you did not take the sugar pills then you shouldn't have gone directly onto another pack of pills. There should have been 7 days of sugar pills, so that would have been 7 days before going to the new packet of pills. If you did not wait the 7 days of sugar-pill-taking and went onto another packet of pills then your body may have been confused and didn't menstruate. If this is the case then be prepared for some break-through bleeding randomly during your cycle.

I hope things go well for you and you gain enough knowledge so we don't see you back here in a few weeks in fear of a possible pregnancy. If you have any more questions regarding this matter, please feel free to ask me :)

me and my gf are both virgins? can we get stds if we are gonna have sex for the first time since you only get it through another infected person and your body does not "make" it.

just to be clear,,i have got a lot of ramblings and redundant answers which I don't want.so I'm gonna make it clear now.

1)we have NOT had any previous partners(dont' answer stuff like,,,she may not be telling the truth,,etc etc.i don't care about that,i just want to know if two virgins having sex can get stds)

2)we have NOT had any previous oral sex partners

3)we have NOT had any form of intimacy with other ppl,like kissing,heavy petting,anal sex...just bottomline: we both are in our first love.

4)we have not used any drugs,needles,etc.and assume we do not have HIV in our body,from mosquitoes,,we are perfectly CLEAN.

5)yes i know to be a 100 percent safe,use a condom,but for now..i would like to know the answer to the question.

6)i know you can get pregnant without a condom.

thanks guys _(link)

This is a very good question.

In short, yes it is very possible for someone to have an STD and not be aware of it while never having any previous sexual partners.

If you check around some forums for people with STDs you will notice a surprising number of people who have transmitted their STD to their infant. The infant will unknowingly grow up so use to the symptoms of the incurable STD that they will be clueless that it is transmittable.

When I was researching some herpes facts I found that a many number of parents transferred their herpes onto the genitals of their newborn during diaper changes. Some women also pass the virus along to an unborn child as it is passing through the vaginal canal. This is why they are instructed to take a course of herpes treatment pills (remember, it is not curable, the pills only help to relieve some symptoms) in hopes the woman does not experience an outbreak during labor--when it would be easier for the baby to contract.

It is also very common for babies to be born with AIDs in Africa. The blood that naturally comes from the woman during labor usually will transmit the disease to the infant. Again, the baby will grow so accustomed to their disease that they aren't even fully aware that they have contracted something very serious.

The only way to know if you are completely clean from STDs is to have a complete blood test done. Even then, herpes can be hidden within the body unless it is currently broken out into a blister.

Anyway, yes, a person can very well be born with an STD or contract it very early in life. Many parents are so ashamed that they have spread their disease that they do not tell the child about the seriousness of it. Many parents also kiss their young children on the lips occassionally and may spread things like herpes this way and some children do not even remember being kissed by a parent--I know this for a fact.

I also want to take note that condoms so a very poor job in helping to prevent the spread of STD/STIs. Seriously, if you're concerned about your health then you should have yourself and your partner screened for illnesses before engaging in activities. Many, many people contract STDs/STIs from engaging in sex with condoms. Condoms aren't really for preventing the spread of such things--they are only meant to be a barrier from sperm entering the vagina. This being said, it does not cover the entire genital region and, let's face it, STDs usually do.

I hope I've helped clear some things up with you!

I've taken part in oral sex and mutual masturbation but I have not had sex. When the doctor asks me if I'm sexually active do I say yes, no, or ... kinda? Lol thanks! _(link)

Yes, you would be considered sexually active, especially since you can contract STDs/STIs from oral sex and mutual masturbation. Herpes (HSV-1 & HSV-2), chlamydia, syphilis, HPV (Human papillomavirus), and even HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) can be transmitted by engaging in oral sex. That I'm aware of, things like herpes and HPV can also be transmitted by fingers/hands--more if there are cuts on the fingers.

It's important to inform your doctor when you have been sexually active and how many partners you have had. If you want to clarify it has only been oral and mutual masturbation then you may do so and they may write it in on your chart for references.

In short, answer yes if your doctor asks if you are, or have been, sexually active. You may specify what sort of activities you have engaged in if you feel you should do so.

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