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what do they mean by sex changes everything?
I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half months. It seems like so much longer though. We're so comfortable with each other, and we both know we're in love. The thing is, we want to have sex, but he's afraid I'm going to freak out afterwards. We've done basically everything else and I know theres no one I'd rather loose it to. Although, hes not a virgin. (He's 18) So my question is, what do people mean by sex changes everything? We already have an amazingly close relationship, and I trust him, so how would it change our relationship?
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When I was younger, I thought I had fallen in love with the perfect guy. I felt at the time that we had such a close relationship and decided that I wanted to have sex with him. After six months or so of dating, I lost my virginity to him, expecting to stay with the guy for a very long time if not forever.
However, after we had sex things dramatically changed. He suddenly became insanely jealous and I was no longer allowed to communicate with friends. He started controlling everything he could about me. When I thought I couldn't take any more and tried to leave the relationship he threatened suicide and, in fear, I stayed. The scariest thing was that he never showed any of these signs before we had sex--it was like he totally changed personalities completely!
I also want to note that instead of trying to find fun, new, interesting things to do together, we just had sex. It was an extreme let-down in so many ways--I began to realize that he had no interest in being with me anymore. He didn't want to spend time doing things with me, he only wanted to have sex and go on his way. When we weren't having sex, we were usually on the phone having a huge argument about why I said, "HI!" to my best female friend that day or something equally as stupid.
Now, nobody is perfect, just like no relationship is but things can and do change. For me, my partner became jealous and greedy. He stopped caring about ME. He stopped caring about US. I was completely miserable.
I ended up staying with the guy a total of a year and a half. A year of that was out of fear that he would kill himself. The first six months was really not so bad and, being childish and naive, I believed that we were very close and truly in love.
Years later I still regret sleeping with him. I look back at my mistake and can't believe I let myself fall into that mess. The relationship was totally killed after we had sex and many times I wonder if that was the only thing he was after and once I gave it up he showed his true colors. I know not everyone is alike but I've heard my same story from quite a few different girls--after the sex some guys really do become jerks and the relationship crumbles almost instantly.
Please take the time to get close with your guy. Don't be left with hang-ups years down the road because you chose to be with a guy who, turns out, didn't really love and care about you. Work on the relationship before taking things further--a lot of young people think sex will bond them closer and what they should realize is they should already be bonded as much as possible first. You have to be able to communicate very effectively with your partner for things to work out in the long-run.
I hope things go well with you and you make the right decision about your relationship. If you have more questions about this please feel free to ask me :)
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Wow... I've been in this boat before...
About a few years ago, I lost it to someone I never thought would leave me. We were very close. After we had sex though, everything changed. So I would wait. At least a couple of months before getting into that. Trust me, I felt just like you did, so confused as to why it mattered. My sister was always there to tell me "dont do it" but I did it anyways. Now, I am regretting what I did and I can't take it back. It's life changing and I guess you'd have to lose your virginity to know what I'm talking about.
Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a good life and good luck. :)
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you might not think about it now, but afterwards when you have sex i heard you become very dependent and attached to that person. especially if its your first time. but dont worry, if your in love and you know it wont be a mistake, and if he loves you then he can handle it. just be safe.
good luck
i hope i helped
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