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Do most children stay in a child's place?
What do you think about the children who come to this site, at the ages of 12-14 asking sexual questions? Questions that aren't educational, yet nasty, disrespectful, and questions which tell their age? Are you comfortable as adults answering them or would you rather them not be able to ask those type of questions on this site?
The morals of our youth today really concern me. For the most part, it's not 100% about the question, it's about the words they chose to use while asking it. This is why there are so many STD's, AIDS, teen pregnancies today. It saddens me that some of the questions deal with anal sex, oral sex, size of penises, except they use the D word and P word. I had no idea of what some of these things even meant to begin asking when I was 13? What are some of your opinions and feelings on this subject? seriously & are you as older teens, and adults OK with answering those type of questions from these children that think they are grown and have no idea of what it's like to be grown in the real world?
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I am 21 years old so I'm not much older than the other users of this site. It seems to me that most of them are actually 13 to 16 or so. As a note, 12 year olds and under are not allowed on this site.
The problem really starts in the home. The family has been demolished actually. Both parents now must work full-time jobs (sometimes more than one) to support the family. While they are gone, the users of this site are left home alone, with siblings, or with peers their own age. There are no adults to look up to any more. The adults are too busy to be able to answer their questions and give them educational information.
The media also feeds kids a lot of disgusting things. Celebrities are made famous by pornographic material now. Musicians are liked according to how graphic their material is. Television shows now incorporate gays, rapes, and prostitution as normal activities. These kids are being fed that the less clothes they were, the more they will be liked. The dirtier they dance, the more attention they will receive. They are TAUGHT that the more they are "in touch with their sexuality" the more they will be liked.
When you have a large group of kids feeling that sex will give them some sort of twisted fame, it pressures other kids to fall into the group. As far as I can tell, these teenagers feel they cannot even get a decent date if they don't "put out"--and IT IS TRUE! They have been fed so much crap about having sex that they honestly believe they should do it and expect it.
The users here simply don't know.
They are told to have sex to become popular but they aren't told about STD risks.
They are told that birth control is completely effective and that there are times during the normal menstrual cycle that you cannot get pregnant when those both are not true.
They are told that their parents simply don't care and don't know about how they feel because they're always at work when in reality the parents are trying very hard to give the child a decent opportunity at life.
They are told that babies are easy to raise and that they should either have them young or get pregnant and have an abortion but they aren't told about the damage both can do to the body and how it can totally demolish a person's life.
They are told that virginity is not a big deal and the faster you lose it, the better you'll be when in reality we should be cherishing it and waiting until we are married and ready for children to begin engaging in sexual activities.
I feel fine answering sexual questions on this site because I want the teenagers to know the truth. I don't like some of the answers they get from their peers that tell them not to worry when it's a huge situation. I want to educate them in hopes they will educate others. I want to answer the sexual questions so I know that a few people out there will know the truth.
Yes, the language isn't appropriate all of the time but I overlook it. Sometimes I will tell them what the phrase means so they know exactly what it is such as:
"...wanted to pop my cherry..."
...and I will answer:
"Breaking the hymen (or "popping the cherry" as some younger generations refer to it as) means you'll be losing your virginity...virginity is very, very important and special; you only have ONE and when it's gone, it's gone..."
I figure the more information I can give out in one question, the more knowledge the reader is left with. I try my best to answer all of the questions that may follow from their one answer. If someone asks something like:
"How do I know if I have herpes?"
I answer with the symptoms along with the types of herpes and where they can be located. I describe what it can do to the body, what outbreaks are like for different kinds, how they may have gotten it (meaning condoms are not effective on preventing such things), how easily it is spread, that they should inform partners if they have it, and that they need to see a doctor to confirm and for medications to help suppress outbreaks.
What you need to realize that this is today's youth. What you see on this site is what is out in the real world now These teenagers interact with thousands just like them. It's best to sit down and answer these questions as informatively as you can so they learn the truth.
These teens will grow up to produce such a sad generation. If they don't learn now, they will just reproduce and not be able to teach their children even if they have the time to.
Teenagers are easily influenced. We have to work against their peers and the media to be able to get through to them. I think this site is a great place to start because lots of their peers use this site too and are wondering the exact same things.
If you want, you can go through my column and help to answer questions just like I did. I have some great useful links in some of the questions and wouldn't mind you linking to those things in similar questions if you felt the need to. Instead of wondering how to make them stop asking these questions, work on how to answer them appropriately and informatively. They really don't know if you don't tell them the truth.
I hope I've helped you see some things you may have overlooked in your questioning the site.
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‘For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.’ Thomas More, Utopia, Book 1
Although I agree with your perception that youth are more sexualized then before, I can’t agree with many of the other assertions you make.
I don’t like the inaccurate, playground vernacular that young people use here either. However, I don’t think they are using words like skeet, and pussy or all the other slang terms for no good reason. They are using them because no one has told them better. They are using them because their parents, their teachers and the rest of the society has failed utterly in teaching them the correct terms, or accepting serious inquiries about their bodies and sex.
They come here, with bad slang and foolish questions, because they can’t turn anywhere else. Because this world is so twisted that parents and teachers are too frightened to talk to their kids seriously about sex. Without serious discussion and information, of course sex is just a school-yard joke! Of course they don't know what it is like to be grown in the real world! No one is willing to try to explain it to them.
They have been ill-educated. It would irresponsible of us to withhold proper education from them. As Thomas More suggested, it is not just or sensible to punish a person for the ‘crimes’ that we as a society have exposed them too.
I am not only ‘okay’ with answering these questions, I feel obligated too. If a person can phrase a question, it doesn’t matter if they are ‘ready’ for the answer by some personal standard of mine, the point is they asked a serious question, and they are entitled to an honest and serious reply.
I will answer questions about sexual health, morality, and yes, even some practices, because I believe in providing the best information I have when it is asked of me.
I don’t recommend young people have sex. I don’t recommend it because I don’t believe it to be a smart decision or one that will further their happiness and success in life. But just because I don’t recommend it doesn’t mean I will let them live in ignorance about it, or give them lectures about how they shouldn’t even be asking the question in the first place, because any sensible person can figure out that the opinion of some random chick online isn’t going to have a serious effect on their choices in life.
Besides that, I came here to be helpful. Refusing to provide advice based on some notion that a person isn’t entitled to the basic facts about their biology or a proper sexual education is not helpful. It’s arrogant and ineffective.
If I did strongly feel that these young people didn’t deserve responses to their inquires, I then I would simply choose not to answer, as my answer of ‘You Can’t Handle The Truth!’ couldn’t be helpful at all, and might be insulting.
Ignorance is not a cure; it creates the very problem that we wish to solve. Education has been proven, time and again, to be the best tool against all those sexual evils you listed in teenagers.
If they can turn no place but here to get the education the rest of the world denies them, so be it.
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We are not going to promote teen sex.
We should not be telling them how to
perform sex acts.
However, just because the questions
aren't educational, doesn't mean
your answer can't be. Give them info
on being responsible without being rude
about it. Just don't go into detail
on how to give a BJ or HJ or how to
masturbate. Ask your partner is a
good enough answer (If you are to
embarrassed why you doing it).
Writing an answer that is "do this,
then do that, And don't bite...LOL.
(DUH)Just looks and sounds disgusting
to me. And very juvenile.
If the question has made it past
approval then file an abuse report
and request it be removed. We do
let one by now and then to see
how they get handled. Most of the
time they are handled very poorly.
I am old and it bothers me that
the young ones are asking about
some of the things they do.
I'm not comfortable answering
and usually won't unless I see some
really bad information being given.
I don't really want that sort of
thing on my column.
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Everything is changing now.
Even though I'm 15, I am actually worried about the amount of 12-14 year olds that have 17 year old boyfriends, have had sex, may be pregnant etc.
And for the language, they haven't been taught better.
Teachers in school realize that stuff like this is going on, but they ignore it because it has nothing to do with them.
When I was 13, I had maybe three boyfriends. The only think I ever was worried about was kissing.
Now 13 year olds feel like losers if they haven't given a hand job or haven't been fingered yet.
There's a lot of sex around, and parents don't tell their kids what's right.
Parents don't know what goes on with their kids whilst they aren't around.
Most of the still seem to think that 13 year old girls have guy friends who they play with, or hang around, not do sexual things with.
I was on the school bus a couple of weeks ago, and two girls that are 12 were sitting in front of me. I wasn't eavesdropping on their conversation until they started talking about sex. I remember one of them saying to her friend something along the lines of:
''Well, we're gonna seem waaaayyy more mature to the guys, if they know that we've made out, and been fingered and stuff'' and I basically felt like saying to them ''What the hell, are you serious?''
So it seems that most young girls think that it's 'mature' to do sexual stuff, when they don't even know the consequences and so on. They will learn if they get pregnant at the age of fourteen.
My friends sister is fourteen. She had sex, and got pregnant. I asked her why she had sex and she said ''Well Michael is 17, and he's done it before, so he said that if he pulls out before he cums, then I defenetly won't get pregnant''
Schools should seriously consider what they teach kids about sex. And in general, teens should be taught about the consequences and risks. Instead of saying ''You should be 16(depending on the law in the area) to have sex''
No one listens to that anymore.
Sorry this is a bit long, but I agree with you 100% and it's a rant I need to get out of me :)
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Teenagers use slang, and cleaning up their language is not going to magically lower the pregnancy rate.
You allude to it yourself; times are changing. No longer does a 14 year old need advice on how to tie a French braid; they want to know how to give a handjob.
Society. Is. Screwed. Up. That's just the way things are. But not allowing kids to ask their questions is not going to solve anything. Say some teen needs advice on giving a blowjob (excuse me, oral sex). If they ask the question, it provides advisers with an opportunity to warn against the act and provide valuable experience. If this kid is not allowed to ask their question, do you honestly think that will stop her from doing it? "Oh! Advicenators does not let me ask this question! It must be bad! I'll run back to the library and pray for forgiveness for my shameful thoughts!" No. That's not going to happen.
Advicenators is here to provide a forum for the problems and questions of today's youth. Just because said problems and questions do not line up with the ideals of your generation does not mean the privilege of requesting advice should be revoked.
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It's not that I'm comfortable answering them, but I feel like if I can educate them more on the subject they might make a different decision. I know that I can't say that "You're too young to have sex" saying it wont change their mind, I was their age once (not too long ago actually) and I know what they're thinking. I do however try to tell them what the risks are and that it needs to be a well thought out decision and all of the precautions that they need to take and everything that can happen even if they do take them. I remind them that the only way to completely avoid STDs and pregnancy is to stay abstinent, and that condoms break and birth control has to be taken at the same time every day for effectiveness. I always mention that I feel that they are too young to be having sex and making that decision, but it's still their choice, no matter how foolish it may be. The way I view the question is that if I have helped one boy or girl realize that they don't want to do this then I've done my job, or if I tell them enough that I've stopped one pregnancy or one possible abortion then I've done what I'm supposed to do.
As for the words that they use, yes they are inappropriate, I usually answer those questions by using the correct terms, although I can't change what they hear, they won't change what they say anyway. I cannot butcher them for their decisions, I don't know them, I'm not their mother, and while their morals aren't mine, they will make their own decision regardless so I just make sure that they have enough accurate information as possible.
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