TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: I really want to help my fiend. The thing is that she gets jealous very easily. Not just about guys but if a friend seems to be ignoring her she gets sad and mad at them. She is also the middle child and feels neglected by her parents, ESPECAIllY now because her parents's friend is visitng from another country and they never have time for her. Her family is not close at all and it's making her like that, ex. she doesn't like to give random hugs. Another thing is that she is a perfectionist and wants herself and the guys she dats to be perfect.

Also one more thing when she does sports or something for example she puts herself down because she doesn't want to have to measure up to people's standards afterwards and doesn't think too highly of herself.

How can i help her with any of these issues?

Well, you won't be able to change what's going on in her life or how she feels about herself, but you can be there for her.

If she wants to be a perfectionist, let her be. She will eventually learn that she's being a bit picky and she'll start to give guys chances. If you butt in and tell her she's making a mistake, she'll just feel worse about her friend not helping her through a break-up. Besides, I think you are pretty lucky that you've got a friend who doesn't let herself become a doormat by a guy like a lot of girls do.

She's going through what every girl goes through. Family problems. There isn't one problem in this world that another person doesn't have. I'm not telling you that she should stop being sad, but she needs to know thaqt she's not alone and that even some girls go through foster homes and all of that and still got through life and turned out ok. I'm just trying to have you tell her that she's not alone in any of this because that's probably what she needs to hear every once in a while.

Self-esteem will always be a problem in people's lives. Either you begin to show yourself that you are worthy and that you can achieve anything, or you close the doors and decide already that you can't do it. Who knows what your friend will do, but all you can do is keep telling her that she's capable of anything she wants and that you believe in her.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I curentally live with my boyfriend and his great family. Everything is great except I wonder one thing, he is 19 years old and anytime we go anywhere he mom calls to see where we are and when we are going to be home, he also cant go a day without talking to her, and can never stand up for himself when she says no. She also calls him habebe whichs means "my baby", and she says she dosent like it when he is out late. I understand she is worried but he is 19 years old and I thought at 19 they would be a man. Mabye I am wrong but I was thinking of marring this guy because he is the love of my life but I dont wanna marry someone who is attached to there mother and can never grow up and be a man. Mabye its just me But i would really love any advice anyone can give me! Thank yOU!!

Yes, your boyfriend does need to grow up. However, he does live with his mother. So therefore, she can lock the doors in her house at a certain time at night and that's probably why he has to be home at a certain time. When you and him get a house yourselves, he will have no more excuses or no reason to follow his mom's orders.

But for now, you both live under her roof, which means you go by her rules. If you're tired of him not being able to say no and following his mom's schedule, then find a place of your own with him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Is there anything you can use to edit & add cool effects to pictures ?? Without having to download anything. Like put cute little fades in the picture. Change the pictures color etc. But I dont want to download anything because of the cost & incase a virus. Well thanks in advance

Well, I'm sorry, but there isn't anything you can use without downloading something. However, I do have two programs downloaded and I am still virus-free. If you'd like those free trials, let me know in your feedback.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: This is going to be really long, so please stick with me.

Last week, I found out that my boyfriend was flirting with someone that hangs out where his sister works. I was kinda sorta okay with it, since I know that he means nothing by it and its just his personality. But then one of my cousins went to go get her hair done by his sister while he was there. My boyfriend doesn't know my cousin. Well, this girl was really like seriously flirting with him and he was just trying to tell her that he loved me and would never cheat on me and to stop flirting and all. But she didn't stop.

Well I'm death in one ear, and 50% in the other, so when I talk on the phone, I can only hear what the person who is talking on the phone is saying. Well, he called me and she (the slut) was flirting with him and yada-yada. And I heard her say, "If you didn't have a girlfriend, you know you would want to hit this" and he said, "Yes, but I have a girlfriend and I love her and wouldn't want to hurt her" Well then she said, "even if you did?" and he said "never"
Do you think he will cheat on me with this girl?

Okay, well he goes to "trivia night" at a place around here with his sister, her husband and their friends and that girl went. Well, they ran out of chairs and she sat in my boyfriends lap. He didn't do anything about it.

Well, we had this really long talk about it and he said he wants to marry me and he loves me and never wants to hurt me again.

I told him that I called the girl and she said that he kissed her and he made her sit in his lap and he was always flirting never her. (I lied, I've never talked to this girl) He got really mad and upset about it. Well, a lot of rumurs go around about him and he said that I never believed any of the other rumours why should I belive this one? So, does that mean that my lie is really what he did? Or did he really not do anything?

He said he would never talk to her again, and I believe him. Just, do you think that what I lied about was the truth? Is that why he got so mad about it?

Please help, I really love him and don't want to loose him.

He is always telling me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he never wants to loose me, and when I talked about breaking up with him he got really scared and cryed. I'm just really confused. Please, help. Thanks.

Your boyfriend seems confusing. Although he was telling her over the phone that he loves you and that he wouldn't ever hurt you. Which is good. But the part that gets me is that he let her sit on his lap. That shouldn't ever be acceptable whether they run out of chairs or not. It's hurtful and wrong toward you.

You both need to have another serious talk and not a cheesy and sweet one like, "I love you, I wanna marry you" and that stuff. You need to find a lot of time with him and come clean with your feelings. Tell him that you trust him, but you've been hearing things and you can't help but question him at times. I know made up this rumor, but if you are wondering whether it happened or not, you'll know the truth if he really does stop talking to her. If he tends to go back and forth with the flirting again, then I'd say theres probably something going on.

I'd love to tell you that this 'rumor' isn't true, but it's very questionable and you're doing the right thing to question as a girlfriend. Guts can tell you over and over how much they love you and throw all of that stuff that makes your heart melt, but you have to pay attention to their actions in order to see what's true and what isn't.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am currently writing a novel. I have about 70-80 pages done, and will soon need a title. The novel focuses mainly around the topic of self-injury, more specifically, cutting. Do any of you have an idea for a title? If I use it, and make any money off of the book, I'd be willing to give you a portion of the money. Any ideas?

-Scarred (Like scars)
-Permanant Memory
-On The Razor's Edge
-Under This Sleeve
-The Ugly Truth
-The Brutal Truth
-Silent Screams
-The Addiction
-The Screaming Addiction
-Rush Addiction
-The Deadly Addiction

Hope a few of these triggered your choice.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My two best friends just recently started drinking over the summer. I have been away and just found out about this recently. I however, dont want to start drinking they are, I think it is pretty pointless and I dont need alcohol to have a good time. I KNOW that I am able to say no if I am put into a pressuring situation by them, but I am afraid our friendship isnt the same anymore. It seems like they want to move on to bigger and better things, but they truly are my best friends in the world. What do I do? 15/f

You're right about two things.

1. You don't need to drink to have a good time.

2. Your friendships with these friends probably won't be the same if they continue down this path.

It's hard to see friends do things that you know isn't right. What really matters is that you don't let them pull you down with them and it seems that you won't have a problem in that area. I've noticed that you asked this question twice. You must be really hurt by all of this. It's happened to me and my best friend and we aren't friends anymore. I'm 16 and we stopped being friends at 13 because she made new friends who drank and did drugs and I couldn't do it. My point is that I've dealt with it and I have new best friends. It's been very hard getting there with new friends, but I made it and you can too.

Honestly, theres nothing that you can say or do when it comes to situations like this. It's about decisions. Decisions that define you as a person. Unfortunatly, your friends are making the bad choices. It happens and you can't tell them no. I'm not saying that you should blow them off and stop being with them, but if they drink, don't let that tempt you to drink. I think you'll learn to adjust to it because everyone has friends who does these things and it's up to you whether or not you do it too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm 17 almost 18 and I fell in love with the perfect guy we've been dating a couple months now and his family loves me and my family loves him. We have both hinted at marriage and we both are going in the same direction. He's 21 and I met him through friends. But i'm scared that I'm going to get my heart broken. He's the first guy thats ever been nice to me in a relationship and didnt expect things from me. I guess I'm just confused on how to take all this in. We both act almost as if we are almost ready, but I'm getting impatent waiting for him to pop the question. What can I do to hint that i think we should take the next step or should I wait for him to do it?

love,
~Christina~

Being scared is ok, but if you really are confident and not stressing out about the fact that it may not work, then that's when you're ready for any next steps. Being in marriage is about sticking together and possibly taking care of children. When this happens, you don't really stress over any of that because you are adults.

I'm not trying to tell you that you aren't ready for marriage, I honestly think that you are rushing into it. Marriage doesn't have to hapen right when you hit your 20s. I think it's wonderful that you've found someone you dream of marrying one day, but why not wait until he decides that he's ready to marry you? Who knows, he may still just want to have fun with you as close mates. But I strongly advise you to stop stressing over what could happen. It can bother you and really hurt you. Besides, let's say the relationship DID end. You would make it through and you would find someone else. You would survive, there are tons of other guys who could make you feel the way he does.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: everytime i get my period for the first 2 days i always get really bad cramps. my cramps bother me so much that i never want to hang out with my friends and sometimes it even hurts so much i don't even want to go to school. does anyone know how to get rid of these annoying cramps? thanks.

Girls have different pains with cramps. Mine are bad enough to where I don't go to school. If you are experiancing cramps that bad, then don't feel bad for staying home. If your parents won't let you stay home, take about 6 IB Profen or something of a high dose so that it will get you through the day. If it's still bad, go to the nurses office and lay down.

Have you ever tried turning the shower on to really hot and laying down by letting the shower hit where its hurting? That works for me and I do that after I take the medicine so it will ease the pain in the moment until it kicks in.

You can also take medicine and try falling asleep and then when you wake up, you'll be painless.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My friend, Kyle, changed. He was always the type of person to not to drugs like weed and such. Him and his girlfriend (which is one of my best friends) have been going out for almost 2 years. He always got mad at her if she drank or smoked anything and that's why she never did it. Now, he started hanging out with our friend Luke. He's changed Kyle soo much. Kyle is smoking weed quite a few times and he's lieng to his girl friend. Their relationship is none of my buisness but I have to talk to her so she doesn't do anything stupid.

I care about both of them so much. They're like my family and she can't even talk to him anymore and she feels like he doesn't care.

What could I say to her.. what advice should I give her? Thank you so much.

The best advice that you can give to your friend is telling her that it's probably time to end the relationship because of the lies. Relationships will never survive without trust and I'm not saying that you should be mad at her if she doesn't end it because she might not. Two years is a pretty long time in a relationship and she might stay because she's become comfortable with this guy and she might convince herself that he'll quit or he'll come out with the truth.

Just let her know that she is being treated unfairly by him and that you feel like it's time for her to show him that she's beginning to worry and reconsider the relationship if she's willing to.

I think it's very upsetting for your friend to go through this. So give her time because that's what she needs the most. If she really does end this relationship, it'll be just about one of the hardest things she's ever gone through. It's too bad that this guy couldn't have said no to the drugs and getting that started instead of hurting a girlfriend who deserves a lot better.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: f/15

I want to date this guy who I have been quite close friends with for years. We have always liked eachother as more than friends (although it was sort of on and off since we went periods without hanging out) and that is what kept our friendship alive. We have always acted like we were dating (to some extent) and I'm quite sure it would be long lasting between us. I think he is going to ask me out within the next two weeks since we recently told eachother for the first time how we really feel.

Now the thing is that I have had two boyfriends in the past but never told my parents so they think I have never dated a guy. They know I hang out with this guy a lot and he calls my house sometimes asking if I wanna come over. My parents have never met him since I always go to his house and he has never been at mine (because I don't think my parents would allow it).

I am a really good liar and I know I could hide it if I was dating him, but should I? What would be the benefits of telling my parents rather than keeping it a secret?

If I tell my parents (if he asks me out) that we are dating and they don't approve they would probably think differently about letting me go to his house even as friends. If I keep it a secret and get caught they may find out other secrets I have since I basically live a double life (I am a straight A student but I drink and lie to my parents a lot, but they think I'm 'good' and don't do drugs).

Sorry about that being so long but there are many factors and I am running out of time to make a decision

Lying just makes you guilty and constantly worried of getting caught. If you don't get those guilty feelings, then you're obviously lying and probably not even aware of it.

You don't even know how your parents will react to you wanting to date. You've never asked them before. Be mature and give it a chance. Say, "Mom or dad, there is a guy that I'm interested in and I think we might become more than friends, I was wondering if you wanted to meet him." or something along those lines. If your parents find out that you've been dating and hiding your life, then they'll know that you are hiding more than that and you are. And then they won't trust you to date or go out! So give your parents a chance to voice their opinion on dating at your age. Don't get bratty and throw a fit, try your hardest to understand their wishes for you, besides, they probably trust you because you do great in school.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay...first off i am 20 years old and I am a virgin and dont plan on EVER having sex until after marriage, so any relationship I have will always be innocent. so now my question...

There is this guy, who really loves me, and whenever I am with him I feel great. He is like the perfect guy that every girl dreams of meeting. and I love him very much. The thing is he is only 16 years old. :S so I feel like its very wrong for me to have any type of relationship with him, other than friends.

he keeps telling me it doesn't matter how old I am, and he doesn't care. but i feel like its really really wrong. and i told him that once he turns 18-19 to call me up. i could tell it really hurt him, and i cant stand the thought of not being with him. :( have i completely lost my mind? please give me your opinion and advice. negative or postive, as long as your being honest. and please no jokes.

You're absolutely crossing the line with this guy. You really made a great choice by saving yourself for marriage, but come on, a 16 year old? I thought your decision for sex meant you had morals!

I don't mean to insult or offend you, but 16 is far too young for a 20 year old and you know that. It's common sense. There is a guy that every girl dreams about that is around your age too! Maybe when this guy does turn 18 you can continue things, but do you really want to go through the pain of waiting one or two years to continue this?

I'm not saying this is true, but I think any 16 year old guy whose with a 20 year old woman is in it for the "older woman" attraction, to turn him on more. Do you seriously ever wonder if maybe you are living in a bizzare world when you think about this?

Your wrong feelings are very right. You don't belong in a relationship with a minor. It's the law basically. It may not be the law for a typical romantic relationship, but it should be.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I have a friend that needs major help.
He has a girlfriend and they're always off and on.
Whenever she breaks up with him he breaks down and gets drunk or high.

Recently she broke up with him and he almost committed suicide and was put in an asylum for 3 days.

He's only 14 years old. He doesn't listen to anyone when he's with her. He doesn't realize that there's other people that care about him.

And no I don't like him, we used to really good friends. He was my best guy friend, and I barely talk to him anymore. I miss the old him.

How am I supposed keep him fromhurting himself or potentially killing him self if sh breaks up with him.

Unfortunatly theres nothing you can really do about the way he acts when his girlfriend hurts him. All you can really do is remind him that him and his girlfriend go off and on and that nothing is going to change no matter how hard he tries.

I don't think he will kill himself. I think maybe he's going through a very hard time and he thinks that he's not going to make it through without her. These feelings are normal, and soon he'll come to realize that getting high or drunk every few weeks when the relationship dies down again is no way to live anymore. It may take up to a year or more to realize this, but soon enough it will get old for either one of them and theu'll call it quits. But sadly theres no way for you to make him call it quits. Tons of relationships go on and on and soon they'll understand that it's not going to work.

So your best bet is to always be his friend and let him know that the sooner he decides to try someone else, the sooner he'll get to feeling better that there are other girls that want him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Me and my boyfriend were fighting a few days ago. We were swearing and stuff, and he goes "shut up you cooctie eyed bitc*. I don't really know what cooctie means and I tried looking it up but maybe he spelled it wrong so if anyone could help me figure out what he meant, that would be great. And I can't ask him because he's not talking to me anymore. Thank you.

I really don't know what he meant, but you should focus on the way you're fighting with your boyfriend.

Swearing at each other during fights is unhealthy and can really hurt your feelings. You and him should have a deep discussion on the real issue instead of taking an hour of your relationship calling each other nasty names and getting nowhere.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay so I have a boyfriend of almost 11 monthes now. Problem is his mom and I do not get along exspecially after last night!

So I seen she IMed me while I was with my boyfriend ((her son)). She said hey or w/e so I IMed her back sayin hey an I had a question so I asked her why did she let his ex gf stay the night knowing I don't like her. She told me that since chad was at work she thought it was fine plus her house is open to any one she care's about or w/e. So I got all upset you know cause' that make's me mad an basically told her you know that it's not right an supposively his mom already told him that one of his ex's misses him right? SO why would his mom tell him this if she knew he has a gf, an like that make's me wonder what the hell did she tell the girl after she said that, an it's seems kinda obvious she doesn't like me an she is tryin to get chad to go mess with other girl's or somethin ya know.

Okay now after all this me askin her about the girl stayin the night I told her how I felt an shit an then she tells me like I supposively hungout with my ex bf? Im like wtf I didn't hangout with my ex bf. And then she like went an looked at my ex bf's myspace an seen shit I posted to him in the past like cause we were tryin to make this girl jealous an his mom went on a rampage about it all telling me she would tell my bf an shit so I was like w/e go ahead do what you do.

Now like really, I honestly don't know what to do about her like he can't move out because like his mom will make him pay insurance an since he is gonna start going back to school he wouldn't be able to afford it.

So what should I do in my situation if he asks me to come hangout with his family, do I talk to everyone in cept her.

And am I in the wrong for being upset of his EX gf being there ya know. And like I know I could of handled stuff little better but I asked her a question an she was all a bitch about it an then brought up somethin that I told my ex in the PAST an shit.

Like Honestly she isnt my mother so she has no right snoopin in my buisness. PLUS if chad thought anything dont you think he would of went online an snooped himself, plus it was something said in the fucking past.

I thinks he has no life but w/e am I in the wrong, what should I do like no idea im goin crazay. Thankx you whoever takes the time out to read this!!

I really want to help, but don't get upset if I get people mixed up. One minute you're talking about your boyfriend and then suddenly the name Chad appears. I'm guessing that Chad is your boyfriend's name? Hopefully that's right.

I'm not sure why his mom is acting a little childish for a mother, but I think you're acting pretty childish too. Instead of asking her why she let an ex-girlfriend spend the night, why couldn't that problem been brought up to your boyfriend? It is his ex-girlfriend, right?

And if he really has no say or control in whoever stays over, then that's when you should try dealing with it because it's obvious by now that his mom isn't going to consider the obvious and not have some ex stay over. Which I do agree is very immature and wrong of her. You have every right in the book to be mad, depressed, or upset about this.

If you really want to make things not so disgusting between you and his mom, then don't instant message her with problems you have anymore. If something needs to be discussed with her, then sit and talk with her in person and have your boyfriend with you. What I think mostly needs done is for you to talk to your boyfriend about what's going on between you and his mom so that he could try helping you out.

He needs to talk to his mom too about the Ex-girlfriend staying over there. If he starts bringing up the crappy excuses of why she had to spend the night or something, you just need to say that he would have a problem if an Ex-boyfriend were staying over. I don't know if your relationship with your boyfriend is serious or not, but if it is, then you can't really just forget about his mom because he still lives with her.

The best that you can do around his mom is to smile at her when you see her, say hi and move on. Don't give dirty looks or any of that or it'll make things worse and you'll look immature.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I have a best friend and we are extremely close. She had a boyfirned for only 3 months..and he broke up with her. its been about 3 months since they broke up. well we are frineds still. and he IMed me the other dayand wad like do you want to hang out. and i said sure. so we were driving in his car for awhile at night and then he wanted to kiss me. so he did we hooked up. well now i feel horrible becuase that was my best frineds ex. i mean we never made a pact to get wit each others exes..but she already got wit two other guys since the break up. i need help please..what should i do...

Tell the truth. Tell your best friend that something happened between you and her ex. She may not have a good reaction, but you'll feel a lot better letting her know how bad you feel about it and that if it bothers her you will end it in a heartbeat and I hope you will end it IF she is bothered by it.

Whether she's been with 5 peole since the break-up or nobody, she may not be over this guy yet. She's probably doing what every vulnerable girl does after a break-up, having fun dating other people to get her mind off of her ex. I just want you to know that you can't be upset with her if she becomes upset about this. You don't have to make a pact in order to not hook up with ex boyfriends. Girls don't hook up with their exes because it's out of respect.

I know that you aren't a horrible person. You just need to come clean to your friend and apologize even if shes screaming or crying, that way you can feel better about this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: For a long time I had this huge crush on this guy, about 3years. And I'm almost %100 sure that he liked me back. But here's the problem, I haven't seen him for two straight years! Now he's in my gym class, looking better than ever if I might add. But... I suck in gym.. I cant run a mile, or even around the track once, and I'm afraid I might get nervous and trip or do something stupid and he'll see. So really I have two questions..
How can I get more energy asap, you know not loose breathe quickly?
And what do I do about him? I just know something will happen.. Should I keep going after him? I mean he IS girlfriendless. HELP!!!!

I think it's great that you have a crush on a good-looking guy, but you should improve in gym mostly for yourself and not a crush. If you really want to catch the guy's attention, keep up with him when running and try talking to him. Just say, "Hey, I havn't seen you in forever, hows it going?" or something along those lines. Besides, you both did know each other and you are very confident that he did used to like you so I doubt he'll think you're weird or anything for trying to start conversation.

I know you wanted to know how you can get up some more energy and everything, but I doubt he's paying attention to your athletic skills. He's probably more interested in the person you are.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and at the beginning of the month, he broke up with me, and he said we needed a break. We were broken up for two weeks and then FINALLY we started to go back out. Now, yesterday, he told me that maybe our break wasn't long enough. He told me that we just needed to be friends for a least a month and that he loves me, but I'm not sure he does. How can he keep hurting me like this and still love me? A month is a long break, I just don't know what to do. But, Please help me out.

Two years is a pretty long time in a relationship. A lot of times after you've been with someone for so long, you start to get annoyed of each other and you start taking breaks because there might be a lot of fighting after a while.

I imagine that your boyfriend really loves you. But, you both may need time to take to lives of your own. When you get in relationships, people tend to cling up to each other and spend time with them non-stop. I'm not saying that you both don't have lives, but the only reason he may want a break is because he needs a life around you or he possibly might only want to be friends so he can date someone else and if you aren't sure of which one it is, ask him. He might be signaling that he wants to try someone else because he's been with you for a long time.

So here's what you should do:

If you both have been fighting and there hasn't been a lot of alone time between you two, then talk with your boyfriend about the break and see what he really wants the break for. Is it because of fighting, or wanting to date someone else?

-TheTeenGirl

Q: He cheated on me, right. And we've only been within talking distance once since, and that was because we kind of had to be. That was yesterday. But he IMed me once since he told me he cheated on me [but he didn't tell me the entire truth, and even lied while telling me the 'truth']. I found out 3 weeks ago.

When I think of what he did, I get angry and upset, but I only really think about it when I'm just home and not really doing anything. So I'd be all angry, but he wouldn't know. But when I'm around him, I don't know what to do; be angry, ignore him, act like we're friends, be rude to him, or what? Even when I try to be mad whenever I'm around him, I can't be. He'll make me laugh and then I'll laugh & smile, and then I have to tell myself stop smiling, remember what he did to you.

I don't know how to act. It's like if I act like nothing happened and everything was fine, then he'll think he's off the hook and he won't feel bad about doing what he did, and like I can just tolerate this shit from him. But if I act rude/ignore him/act angry then we might never be friends, and honestly I miss that -- how things were even before he was my boyfriend. Even if I wanted to, though, I can't really be angry when I'm around him. Even when I did give him a kinda rude comment, I felt bad afterwards, though he deserved it. Then again, even though I want to be friends with him, maybe it's just best not to be, I don't know.

I was having a talk with one of my friends who is also friends with him & was there when he cheated on me, and he was telling me how him and a friend were actually talking about it the other day. He said they were saying how it was dumb because "she [his ex gf who he cheated on me with] is a slut," and I'm "cool and stuff and good looking." Made me feeling better that his friends said that, wonder if they've told him that, but not like he cares because he has even told me she is a slut, but he did that anyways, so he doesn't care.

So what do I do?

Being cheated on isn't a good feeling at all, and it's normal to feel angry, upset, depressed, but you have to see his reaction to telling you. If he feels like crap and is apologizing and trying to make it up to you as much as possible, then he's probably truly sorry. If he's just playing it off as if this girl was a slut and that makes it less horrible and won't even talk to you about it, he shouldn't be forgiven.

I want you to forget the fact that you might not have the friendship you both had before you got into a relationship. It doesn't matter how the relationship ends, friendships will be hard to build back up after a long time. So do not worry about not being his friend afterwards because that isn't what needs to be worried about. If you are angry, let him know that. If you need to cry, then cry and tell him how this is making you feel. Let him know that you are angry when he's not around, let him know that you've been depressed. He needs to know that you are hurting. You have to be the one to decide whether he's sympathetic enough or not. If he changes the subject and tends to not let you cry or talk about it, then he's not a good guy in relationships.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am a 35/f whose teenage daughter has been living with her father for most of her life.

When her father and I divorced it was decided she would live there because I wasn’t financially stable enough to give her a comfortable year-round home but she has always spent most of the summer with me.

While things have changed a lot now. I make a good deal more money, pay child support and have a much more comfortable home for her. She’s decided she wants to move in with me for the rest of high school because the high school in my area has a much better art classes and several of her friends attend it.

I’m delighted of course, the thing is, she is afraid to tell her father about this decision. She says she’s mentioned maybe moving in with me before, and it’s upset him or he has taken it as a joke. She has asked me to come over and be with her as she discusses the move with her father.

So my question is: Should I be there while she tells her father she has chosen to live with me next school year? I want to be there for her, but I don’t want her father to feel threatened or ganged up on. Part of me thinks she is old enough to be able to talk to her dad about this herself (I’m sure he’ll be a bit hurt, but he isn’t an ogre or anything, he wont go nuts.) So I’m quite torn, please advise.

This is a very complicated situation, but you are right when you say that you think she's old enough to discuss her decision with him by herself. I think that if she just sits down with him and lets him know that she wants to go back to living with you like it was, then he'll probably understand that. If he takes it offensively, then that is something he will have to deal with because if he really loves your daughter, then he'll support that decision and look out for what is best for her and he won't even mention if his feelings are hurt.

Explain to your daughter that she can let him know privately what's going on with her decisions without you tagging along. If she seems too afraid of his reaction, then it wouldn't hurt to sit there by her as she explains. Whatever you do, just try to make things easy for your daughter and her father. Keep taking responsibilities as a mother and do what your instincts tell you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my mother has a big mouth and i can't deal with it anymore. she's always talking crazy. like, she says she is going to leave from this house and that nobody is ever going to see not even her hair anymore and she says that she's very sick and is going to end up in the hospital, when she knows she isn't and she should be cherishing her health. but, today she got out of control with her stupid big mouth! i was getting this little cheerleading outfit for a football game and she said that if i wore that i was nothing more than a retard and that all i look like is a self-concious monkey. other than that, she thinks she's a teenager and she truly and honestly tries to do everything in a teenager's perspective. well, today, when she told me that i was a retard, i started crying because i'm tired of her offending me. she's told me that 100 times. i told her i hated her and that she's changed, and i went away crying. when i was leaving the house to go to my aunt's house across the street, i apologized to her for having told her i hated her. i don't hate her, but i hate how she calls me names. as i was leaving my grandmother told me to apologize to her for having told her that SHE CHANGED! wow. so i told her but i told my grandmother that she should also be sorry for having called me names and my own grandmother said she shouldn't be sorry. she is always offending me with her big mouth, and right now when i told her she shouldn't have called me that she told me "do you want me to call you that again?" so that's it! i can't deal with her anymore. she's not the same sweet lady that use to take care of me and smile at me when i was a baby. that's when she was going through a divorce because my father left our family for an alchoholic stripper at a bar. so, then if anything was when she should have been hysterical. not now. and that has affected me too so i'm not being selfish. everyone acts like it didn't happen to me, but how do you think i feel? it hurts me too, you know. so, if my mom is constantly on myspace thinking she's a teenager, how does she expect me to respect her when all i see her as is a little sister because that's what she's acting like. why is everyone taking her side and saying that she has the right to call me names? it's not fair! no one cares about anything and the way that i feel! my heart is going super fast and i can't live like this anymore. i have to stop this fighting now. i was hoping that if any of you could, if you could tell me a way that i could apologize or make her stop. a way to make her stop calling me names and not caring. i want it to catch up to her. i want it to haunt her in her sleep fall the insults that she's said. how can i do this? and how can i still make her think i'm not a bad daughter, because of right now i don't think she every wants to speak with me again

15/f
signed,
anxiously waiting

A lot of people are in your same situation. Instead of parents being parents they run out and act like teenagers and don't care to ty spending the rest of their lives taking care of their children.

This has to be hard to deal with and it's a really hard and impossible situation because it's your mom. Normally I'd ask you to talk to her about it, but it sounds like you already have and it got you nowhere. What I really think could help is maybe writing her a letter explaining everything you're feeling. That way, you can get everything in that you want to say without her interupting or calling you names. What you should say is how you really love her, but you wish that she could give you compliments and be proud of you instead of calling you names and putting you down because it hurts.

Now, a lot of times in fights, you'll probably say 'I feel like you hate me' and she'll argue it and say, 'oh come on, I don't hate you.'

That's when you need to say, 'Ok, mom but could you please prove to me that you don't, because I really do feel that way'

And when she starts to call you names, start to say, 'See mom, that hurts that you really think that I'm a retard. That makes me think you dislike me and that hurts me a lot'

Something tells me that saying all of this won't work either. But I can't sit here and tell you to deal with it because it's damaging you. You really need to check with a friend or a family member about living somewhere else with them. Explain your situation to a friend and that might help.

I don't know if this will help, but maybe we could talk about this and I can possibly say something to her on her MySpace in a private message. I know this idea sounds wrong, but maybe if you gave me your screen name along with your feedback, we could get to know each other and find a solution. I just think that maybe if she could hear it from someone else it might work. I wouldn't insult her or say something wrong, I am mature and I'll be mature and try helping you through this. If you want to talk to me about this, heres my screen name if you'd like to instant essage me first:

Evanescence0o01 & my E-mail: xx_Erin@yahoo.com

If you don't want to talk, good luck with you and your mom and I hope you can find a better solution.
-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

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