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He cheated on me with his ex girlfriend, and I am just so co
He cheated on me, right. And we've only been within talking distance once since, and that was because we kind of had to be. That was yesterday. But he IMed me once since he told me he cheated on me [but he didn't tell me the entire truth, and even lied while telling me the 'truth']. I found out 3 weeks ago.
When I think of what he did, I get angry and upset, but I only really think about it when I'm just home and not really doing anything. So I'd be all angry, but he wouldn't know. But when I'm around him, I don't know what to do; be angry, ignore him, act like we're friends, be rude to him, or what? Even when I try to be mad whenever I'm around him, I can't be. He'll make me laugh and then I'll laugh & smile, and then I have to tell myself stop smiling, remember what he did to you.
I don't know how to act. It's like if I act like nothing happened and everything was fine, then he'll think he's off the hook and he won't feel bad about doing what he did, and like I can just tolerate this shit from him. But if I act rude/ignore him/act angry then we might never be friends, and honestly I miss that -- how things were even before he was my boyfriend. Even if I wanted to, though, I can't really be angry when I'm around him. Even when I did give him a kinda rude comment, I felt bad afterwards, though he deserved it. Then again, even though I want to be friends with him, maybe it's just best not to be, I don't know.
I was having a talk with one of my friends who is also friends with him & was there when he cheated on me, and he was telling me how him and a friend were actually talking about it the other day. He said they were saying how it was dumb because "she [his ex gf who he cheated on me with] is a slut," and I'm "cool and stuff and good looking." Made me feeling better that his friends said that, wonder if they've told him that, but not like he cares because he has even told me she is a slut, but he did that anyways, so he doesn't care.
So what do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You don't have to hate him for cheating on you. You don't even necessarily have to break up with him - relationships can recover from such things.
Start by carefully analyzing your own feelings. I may be off base here, but it sounds to me like you haven't really accepted that it happened. You seem to be in a state of denial, which you can only get out of when he's not around and you can think about what happened. When he is around, it's easier to pretend it didn't, because that way you don't have to deal with things like heartbreak, betrayal, etc. Sit down by yourself, or with a trusted friend, and really work through what you're genuinely feeling about this. Acknowledge that you still love him, if you do; consider why it is that you find it difficult to express your anger to him. It sounds bizarre, but also think about whether on some level, you actually like what he did (for instance, perhaps you didn't like where your relationship was going, and this gives you a get-out-of-jail-free card, so to speak).
You need to become totally clear on how you feel about this, because your next move will be to confront him. What you ask him depends on what you feel you need to know to make the next step in your relationship with him, but you do deserve to know WHY he did it. Don't accept non-answers, like "I dunno" or "I couldn't help it." Somewhere along the way he made a decision to betray the trust between you, and he owes you an explanation. If he can't provide it, turn your back and consider him no longer a friend.
In order for your relationship to proceed on any level, he MUST take responsibility for his actions and publicly acknowledge that he did wrong. If he doesn't do that, and you continue to treat him as a friend, then others will lose respect for you. It would be tantamount to your saying that little things like major betrayals of trust just aren't important to you. It doesn't matter if he makes you laugh or that you feel bad about being rude to him; what matters is that you will gain a reputation as a doormat.
If he shows honest remorse, willingness to make amends, and follows through on what he says, then I'd give him another chance - as a friend. It's up to you whether you feel you can trust him enough to be a boyfriend again.
Oh, and one more thing. You say that he and his friends describe his ex as a "slut". Well, usually those are precisely the kinds of girls that guys cheat with. The reason why they are called sluts is that they make themselves look sexually enticing and they put out. He DOES care that she's a slut; it's probably the main reason why he got turned on by her in the first place!
Guys, you see, often prefer sluts. If you come across a "guy" who doesn't, then he's not a "guy". He's a MAN. Men prefer women of character and decency.
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Being cheated on isn't a good feeling at all, and it's normal to feel angry, upset, depressed, but you have to see his reaction to telling you. If he feels like crap and is apologizing and trying to make it up to you as much as possible, then he's probably truly sorry. If he's just playing it off as if this girl was a slut and that makes it less horrible and won't even talk to you about it, he shouldn't be forgiven.
I want you to forget the fact that you might not have the friendship you both had before you got into a relationship. It doesn't matter how the relationship ends, friendships will be hard to build back up after a long time. So do not worry about not being his friend afterwards because that isn't what needs to be worried about. If you are angry, let him know that. If you need to cry, then cry and tell him how this is making you feel. Let him know that you are angry when he's not around, let him know that you've been depressed. He needs to know that you are hurting. You have to be the one to decide whether he's sympathetic enough or not. If he changes the subject and tends to not let you cry or talk about it, then he's not a good guy in relationships.
-TheTeenGirl
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it's true that he will think he's off the hook if you just act like nothing's happened. communication is a relationship is the most important thing. talk to him about this situation and how you feel about it. this will give you both a chance to say what you feel. you - to tell him what's on your mind and how you feel about this, how you're confused and don't know what to think anymore. him - to think about what he's done, and how he really hurt you, and to give a chance to explain himself. if he really wants this relationship to work out, he'll do everything & anything to save it. time will tell. best of wishes to you two! (:
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Well just tell him how you feel. Maybe he'll understand. And after your done telling him and talking to him about it , when you think about it, it wont be bad anymore. you'll feel relieved actually. If he felt the same way you do and wants to be friends with you , he wont get mad or anything like that. But what i dont understand is how he calls her a slut but still goes out with her. (wow). But whatever you do just do the right thing and talk to him about it and you wont feel bad no more.
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