theres this guy i hung out with alot during the summer. we had ssex a couple times but not every time we hugn out. he told me he like me, but he also liked someone els, and that was at the begininng of the summer. Now he alwasy IM's me, and we talk on the phone and he asks me to hangout without other people. i cant tell if he actually likes me or is just trying to keep me around for sex. I knwo hes a nice guy but its hard to tell sometimes if he only wanst sex.
I can tell you that he probably does like you... Likes you enough to spend time with you. Likes you enough to be 'intimate' with you. But whether or not he likes you enough to be your boyfriend... I don't know.
You have one of two choices... The first, you accept the vague terms of the relationship that you do have and continue. The second, you start to communicate about your feelings.
If you feel that 'friends with benefits' isn't enough for you... You should by all means say so. You can tell him this while being direct and honest without confessing to him that you love him or anything like that. Just tell him that you want a 'real' relationship... And that you need to know whether or not he wants what you want. Because if he doesn't, this arrangement isn't going to work for you. I usually don't support ultimatums... But in this situation I think that would be appropriate. Tell him that the two of you can still be friends... But if he isn't willing to be your boyfriend, you are not going to have sex with him anymore. Period. His answer should be either 'yes' or 'no' and not anything inbetween. So if he tries try find some middle ground, point out what he's doing and refuse to accept that as an answer.
If he states that he isn't ready for a relationship... Or simply can't seem to make up his mind... Take that as your cue to move on. There are plenty of guys out there that do want to be boyfriend... But you'll never be able to find them if you're wasting your time with guys that can't commit.
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I have an interview at H&M on Sunday and I am undecided on what would be best to wear. Would it be more appropriate to wear smart clothes (e.g. black skirt, white blouse etc) or slightly 'edgier' more fashionable clothes considering it is a fashion chain? Would they be more impressed if I wore their own clothes?
Additionally, has anyone had an interview with them before? What kind of questions do they ask?
Any advice/tips would be appreciated.
Khaki pants, dress slacks, or even a skirt would be appropriate. (Provided the skirt is not too short, I would say less than 2 inches above the knee.) Button-up shirts, or even a sweater would be fine. Stay away from clothing with prominent logo's, and avoid all together any clothing with printed words or pictures. No spagetti straps, no sleeveless shirts, no bare midriff or cleavage showing.
As a manager at a clothing store that has been responsible for hiring... I'm not looking for people wearing my merchandise. I'm not even looking for someone with a lot of fashion sense. What I am looking for is someone that can prove to me that they can follow the dress code policy. Someone that will cover their body when it's appropriate so as not to offend older customers. Someone that will show up for work, dressed for work, looking clean, neat, and professional. Dress code policies have been similiar at all the clothing stores that I have worked at, and the first paragraph basicly is the standard dress code policy.
As for what questions they will ask... Most likely they will read over your application with you asking questions that pertain to availability and transportation. They will also ask you questions about your work history, if you have a work history. If not, they will ask questions designed to get a general feel for your work ethic and personality. They'll be looking for someone dependable, punctual, with a willingness to learn, someone that cares about doing the job RIGHT the first time, someone that works well with others, and that is comfortable talking to a manager if any questions or problems occur. Someone with good morals that is trustworthy. Other than that, just try to remain positive. An upbeat, friendly personality can go along way... Especially in any industry that involves customer service.
Best of luck ;)
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Ok. I want to know what career path i can take that takes, at most, 4 years of college and while in college i can take no spanish.
-thanks!
Well... There are a lot of careers that do not require more than a 4 year degree. My job doesn't require a degree at all... But then again it isn't the most glamorous job ever. (And getting a BA will make your life easier, so go to college.) A better question would be to ask yourself, 'What am I interested in doing?' Do you have any hobbies? Do you like helping people? You don't have to narrow down your options to 1 career either. The more options you have, the better chance you have at finding a career that you actually enjoy. You can also look into taking an aptitude test. There are probably thousands of aptitude tests online... Your school might even offer one. Ask your guidance counselor if you are interested in taking one.
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17/f
ok see i have this friend chris, we dated for like a month about two yrs ago, then i broke up with him, and lately we've become friends again, and he still likes me. and for a while ive sort of started to have feelings for him but im not really sure b/c wen i picture kissing him, i cant hold back the grimance...and another bad thing is it's not just him, if i think about kissing any GUY i just get all disgusted(fyi im bisexual)...
is it possible that im becoming a lezbo? not that i mind at all, if i am, well i'll be ok with it......
last week chris asked me out and i told him that i just needed time to fully make up my ind about how i feel about him , adn he was ok with it since he's already been waiting for almost 2yrs...
would it be wrong to go out with him if i wudn't feel comfortable kissing him?
or do ya think that if i stay with him long enough i'll get used to the idea???
Could be that you just aren't attracted to him... Here's what I used to do back when I still dated... If I met a guy and didn't feel an attraction right away, I'd still give him a chance. Typically, I'd go out on about three dates. If, by the end of the third date, the chemistry still wasn't there... Well... 'Bye-bye.' I know that it may sound really mean to think that way... But I think that if you are dating someone that you just aren't attracted to... That's unfair both to them and to you. Just because you aren't attracted doesn't mean that no one else will be... And he should have that chance to find, and be with, someone that reciprocates his feelings. And why three dates? Because, typically, by the third date most people start to expect a kiss. And typically, if you aren't attracted by the third date... You're not going to be attracted in three months either.
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Ok, there are a few people in this; I went out with C for about 6 months, eventually we broke up but I still like him now, even though I have a bf. We are still friends. There's this girl, I wouldn't call her my "friend" but she used to sit with us at lunch, until she got into a fight with my best friend, concerning a guy. This girl is now going out with that guy although he has moved. Well, I noticed that the guy and the girl seemed to be hanging out a LOT lately and they hold hands and hug and stuff. I'm afraid if I tell my ex that she might be cheating on him? I know he might not believe me, since he has suspicion I still like him. And i'm afraid if my best friend (the one who got in a fight with the girl) tells that girl's boyfriend (the one who moved), he won't believe her because she likes him. I don't know if I should tell or not, since it's really not any of my business besides the fact he's my ex and my friend. Help? Thanks! Sorry this is so confusing!
I wouldn't say anything. Why? Because you don't know if she is cheating or not. Just because they hang-out, hug, and hold hands doesn't mean that they are anything more than friends. I know that must sound odd... Because it does sound suspicious when you say it like that. But I've had guy friends before... There were a few that I spent a lot of time with (I saw them almost everyday) and not only did we hug and sometimes hold hands... But occassionally there were times when we'd basicly hang all over each other. Some of these guys might have had a crush on me. There were others that I know didn't. But it doesn't really matter. Right now, you don't know anything for sure. Right now, it's none of your business. Keep your eyes open and if you see any BIG red flags... Then ask again.
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Hi! Ok so I'm 19 and early in the summer joined a gym. Im already skinny but I really wanted to tone up. So me and my guy friend got a personal trainer. After 3 weeks together I sent him a text thanking him for working with me. He's 24 and gorgeous by the way. After that day he would always text me, and talk to me at the gym flirtaciously. I didn't think anything of it because I thought its his job to be nice, but one day he told me how he thought I was hot. Or that he wants to get to know me. After a month every trainer knew my name and saw how my trainer acted towards me. Last thursday he texts me saying how sexy I am and stuff. And I guess I got the txt really delayed because I texted him back at 11:15pm. On Friday morning I get a call from an unknown number- It's my trainer's girlfriend!!! Mind you, I had no idea he had a girlfriend, and if he did I wouldn't be talking to him. So we talk and she as well as I appreciated knowing whats going on. Yesterday I see my trainer and he acts like nothing happened and yells "Hey Marlene!" Today I went to pilates and 2 other trainers are at the desk and stare me down and start smiling. Im a little self-conscious of whats going on. Are they making fun of me because they knew he already had a girlfriend? Or whats going on? I'm open to all opinions.
My opinion: Don't worry about it. I doubt the other gym employees are making fun of you.
Here's why: while I'm sure the gym probably encourages general friendliness and maybe even a little flirting... I doubt they would encourage flirting off the clock. Why? Because romantic relationships between a customer and an employee are usually a bad idea and can impact business if anything goes wrong. With that said, he shouldn't have been texting you in the first place.
Second, his girlfriend shouldn't have called. She shouldn't be going through his phone... She shouldn't be calling and confronting people without confronting HIM first. Her calling you impacts HIS job... And that was a BIG no-no.
Think about this situation from his perspective... If his boss finds out about what happened, he could get into trouble. Maybe not fired... But if I had been his boss I would have made some excuse why he couldn't be your personal trainer anymore and tried to assign you to someone else. I don't know how things work in a gym so I could be wrong... But I have been a manager for years and his behavior sounds unprofessional.
So... I doubt that he would have told his associates what happened... Because the best way to keep a secret is not to say anything at all. I doubly doubt it because... If I were him, I would have been mortified by the situation and wouldn't want to compound my own embarrassment by telling other people.
There is also the chance that... His girlfriend never said anything. By telling him that she spoke to you, she's admitting that she invaded his privacy and incriminating herself. He may not even know what happened and the odd behavior could be attributed to your own paranoia.
And... Let's say worse-case-scenario... That I'm wrong and everybody knows. What if they are talking about you behind your back? So what? It doesn't matter what they think of you anyway. You're their CUSTOMER and their JOB is to provide you with a service. You are their paycheck. Without YOUR money, they don't pay their bills.
I'd stop texting this guy. If he texts you, don't respond. If you feel uncomfortable around him, ask for another trainer. If you feel uncomfortable in the gym period... Then ask for the nearest location and have your account transferred. Remember... YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER.
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Hey Folks:
I need some advice. I don't know how to say this, but will try my best. I've been talking to someone who lately has been having life problems. Here's what's going on with her. Her mom left her when she was about 4 or 5 years old, she's now 19. Her dad treats her like crap and dosen't really care for her and she also has a grandmother that lives with them that also dosen't seem to care about her. That can be very hard on someone for when they need their parents but don't give them the care that they need. Up until last night, she was dating a boyfriend who was pretty abusive to her. They were together for a year. Just last week, I was giving her advice and told her that they needed to break up, well she wouldn't listen. She said that her and her bf were gonna try to talk and that she would tell him how she felt about him. Well he didn't want to listen. So they broke up last night. Since the breakup, she's been very sad and in the past, she's had suicidal thoughts and at one point, had to stay in some place for a few months due to something else I won't say on here. I'm afraid she could become that way again. I would like to know what I can do about this situation. Also, does the fact that her parents not giving her much support is causing her to feel like no one cares about her? She does have friends including me who do care about her, but she dosen't think so. What is up with her? She's tried counseling in the past, but it didn't help her.
Ouch.
Okay... I am not a doctor. And I am not going to make any assumptions about your friend either. But I will tell you that I have suffered from severe depression and suicidal behavior in the past. My OPINION:
Yes. Your relationship with your parents can seriously affect your mental health. I didn't meet my biological father until I was twenty years of age... And for many years I carried a chip on my shoulder. My mother was very loving and supportive... But the absence of my father lead me to believe that he didn't care at all for my well-being. During our youth, we tend to internalize a lot... Meaning that when someone abuses us, neglects us, etc. we tend to believe that they are doing so because there is something deeply WRONG with ourselves... When really it's the other way around.
When you believe that something is so wrong with you that your own parents, the two people that are supposed to love you unconditionally, don't love you... This affects your ability to love yourself. If you can't love yourself, even if you are surrounded by loving people, you can not receive that love. You can not receive that love because you do not believe that anyone is capable of loving you. So you believe that they're lying, or that they don't know you well enough... That once they discover the REAL you they will abandon you. Or they're using you. Or sometimes... That unconditional love simply doesn't exist.
My ADVICE: All you can do is remain her friend and find someone that really can help her. You've done everything you can do... But if she's suicidal... This is way out of your league, my league, and the Advicenators' league. She needs a doctor. Don't let her tell you 'no.' Don't let her make excuses. If counseling didn't help before, it's because she didn't receive enough of it. Overcoming despression can be a constant struggle that lasts for years. Help her be patient.
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Just a warning, this is gonna be long. There's a lot of background that I'm trying to make more concise. I'm 20/f, he's 23/m.
So...I've been in a really effed up relationship for the past three years. The worst part is that we really loved each other. He broke up with me because he was having depression problems, and that kind of emotional drowning that we were both feeling for each other was too much for him to handle. We took the titles off, but we stayed together. We tried a couple of times to actually break up but it never worked. Then we kind of regressed to a "friends with benefits" type thing because we both knew there were feelings there, but neither of us could handle having a title on our relationship at that point. He wound up living with me for a short while, and I gave him a copy of my key because I felt weird about him being at my place, then maybe leaving and leaving my place unlocked. I never asked for it back after he was able to go back home because I thought of him as my best friend. He knows me like the back of his hand, and I know him just as well. I felt totally comfortable around him, and trusted him completely. I was in a horrible car accident a couple years ago and he was the only person who was able to drive me around and not cause a panic attack.
Now...when we lived together, we didn't fight at all. We had fun, we laughed, we cuddled at night, and talked all the time. It felt like the way our real relationship should've been.
But his brother goes through periods of loving me and hating me. My guy has to deal with his brother talking shit about me all the time when he hates me, and sometimes it gets to him. Don't get me wrong, I know he's a wimp for caving, but I also get where he's coming from.
The more we're apart, the more "we" diminish. The less we see each other, the less we see each other, and the less we see each other, the more we fight. It hurts, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel kind of...numb about the whole thing, like I don't have it in me to care anymore. At the moment, I'm avoiding him and avoiding talking to him because I feel like I can't say anything without some of this coming out, and I'm not ready for it to, I don't think.
I felt from the moment I met him that he was my soulmate, and I still feel that way, but I'm scared because I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep thinking I want to ask for my key back - and I have, but every time I've asked, he's turned the conversation away, or managed to make me forget about it in some way. I asked him point blank last time I saw him, "Are you still planning to hang onto my key?" and he said "Why not?" I didn't know what to say.
"Because we're not really friends anymore"? "Because I don't feel like I trust you"?
Both of those things are unfounded, I have no reason not to trust him - he hasn't even tried to look for another girl since we "broke up" the first time in 2006. He never cheated on me, he never lied to me. He can't lie to me, I always know. I'm the same way. I can't even convince him I'm happy when I'm not, and that's part of what I get paid to do, be happy and make people smile.
Anyone have any thoughts? I'm not really looking for specific advice, I just kinda need some new ideas, or something. I'm stuck...or maybe I just don't know what I need to do now?
Help =(
All I can do is share my own experience...
Once upon a time... I met this guy. And I was totally 'gaga' for him from day 1. After six months we finally got together. Two weeks later he told me that he felt like we were 'moving too fast' and needed a break. Another month and we were back together, and this time it was serious. Nine months later... He broke up with me again, because he 'needed to straighten out his life.' But he was still in love with me. (So he said.) We could still date, we could still have sex... But the title of 'boyfriend' was just too heavy a burden to bare at that time of his life. After that one... I lost count.
We would get back together... And then break up again about four more times after that. Our relationship lasted a total of 2-3 years. One time he broke up with me AGAIN. One time it was mutual. And the last two times I broke up with him because I was beginning to have serious doubts about our relationship and I was beginning to feel... Numb, as you so aptly put it. I cared... But I didn't have the energy to pursue a relationship with him anymore.
He never cheated on me either. Never really looked for another girl to replace me. There were times when he said he wanted to marry me and I believe he meant it.
But in the end... I came to this conclusion. When you're in a healthy relationship, a title isn't a burden. When you're in a healthy relationship, your partner doesn't make you feel like !@#$. When you're in a healthy relationship... You don't just break up with someone because life is hard. He and I didn't have a healthy relationship.
And... I felt like he was always waiting for someone better to come along. My suspicions were confirmed the last time I saw him.
After the last time we broke up... After not talking for two years... On a whim I sent him a text message. We texted back and forth for several days until we thought we could handle talking on the phone together. And then we decided we should meet up, just to catch up with each other. This casual meeting lead to a few dates... A conversation about how maybe we should try one more time... Then he stood me up one night and I was DONE. After that I would log onto myspace and read a blog about he had met the woman of his dreams.
But guess what... The woman of his dreams ended up dumping him. And when he was lonely he sent me a text message trying to re-establish contact. But it was too late. Instead of wasting my time pining away for him I had found a wonderful man that wanted to proudly carry the title of 'boyfriend/fiance/husband.' I realized then that I had always been just a person to fill the void for him.
So... If my situation sounds anything like yours... Do yourself a BIG favor and cut him loose once and for all. No calling, no texting, no emailing. No IM's. Nothing. A clean break, because that's the only way you're ever going to move on. Move on and find a guy that wants the benefits as well as the title.
And... Either way... Whatever you decide... Don't bother asking him for the key. Just change the lock.
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Sounds like a good idea. Best of luck ;)
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I've some-what recently turned 16, and my mom has been on my heels about getting a job. I'm not much of a slacker, mind you, but I have a HUGE problem with communicating with strangers. I've been shy all my life, but not until recently have I grown more uncomfortable in my skin (in a non-superficial way). I have a very inconstant mood that likes to sway at it's own free will. This basically makes me retreat from anyone and everyone, and is another annoying factor I have to take account for. So, I was wondering, If you knew any type of job(s) I could apply for that wouldn't involve so many...people. Fast food and the movie theatre are DEFINITELY out of the question + answer. I doubt this will help much, but I live in the state of Washington.
-Thanks in advance,
Harlow
You could apply in a retail setting and ask for a job stocking. In many places, you would spend most of your time in the stockroom processing the freight. You may occassionally have to go to the salesfloor to put out the freight, but customer contact usually is minimal.
I would also like to state... I had a social anxiety disorder when I was about your age and it persisted into my late teens. I found that being exposed to people actually helped me overcome my anxieties in the long run. The more I was forced to talk to people the easier it became to interact with strangers.
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I’m looking for opinions on a pretty serious subject: Free Speech.
So here is the deal, I’m sure many people don’t know, but a group called Wesboro Babtist Church tried to enter Canada on Thursday, after expressing publically their intention to protest two plays (both pro-homosexual in nature, one a comedy and one drama) and to demonstrate at the funeral of a man brutally murdered in Winnipeg carrying signs like ‘God hates Canada/Fags’ and the such.
The church believes that things like this murder, are God’s way of punishing Canada for legalizing gay marriage...
Anyways, Canada didn’t let them in. Stopped them at the boarder and denied them entry.
Legally, Canada had every right to deny them, but a lot of people are crying foul, saying we should respect free-speech enough to allow them in to protest. Others are saying it’s perfectly right, since what they were intending to do was hate speech and they aren’t even our citizens anyways.
So that’s the question: Does the ideal of freedom of speech mean Canada ought to allow foreign visitors' entrance after they have expressed their intention to disrupt and possibly engage in hate speech at a funeral and two theatre festivals?
I wish I knew all the details... But I admit this is the first I've heard. However... I have seen more than one video featuring the Westboro Baptist Church.
I don't know... So I can't say for sure... This is just a thought... They may not have been denied entry because of the actual protest. They may have been denied because, I'm pretty sure that demonstrating at a funeral would be considered 'disrupting the peace.' In which case, even if they had been allowed entry... If they had showed up at the funeral the police would have been called anyway to escort them off the premisis. You know how... When a party gets too rowdy the police show up because the neighbours are complaining? Same principle.
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on my cheek i have a spider vein. at least thats what i think it is. what is it and how do i get rid of it?
Is it red? Kind of squiggly? Branch out in various directions? If so... Chances are it is a 'spider vein.' Spider veins are broken blood vessels in your face... So don't worry too much. Eventually the vessel will regenerate on it's own.
There isn't really any product that makes scars disappear. But there are some products that help scars fade considerably, more quickly. I've heard dermatologists recommend vitamin E oil. You should be able to buy vitamin E in liquid capsules at your local grocery store. Simply break it and dab some on your face.
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Hello. I am a teenage chick whos 17 years old from the USA. So I've liked this guy for um about 3 years now and I know that he doesn't like me back and I don't think he ever will. He keeps calling me, IMing me and talking to me so its like really hard to get over him. And the worst part about it is that whenever I feel down about that, he always wants to come and talk to me and he wants to know if I can talk to him about it. Obviously I can't!!!! So its like confusiing becaus eit seems like I'll never get over him and my crush is going into a neverending loop! Do I really love him or is this just a 3 year phase? I like him because hes the only guy who actually listens to me, the only guy who actually talks to me, and hes a really awesome person who is completly unique and gorgeous and... everything. My dad says that we should get together. That made me feel even worse! lol. See my dilima? HOW DO I END THIS CYCLE????
I'd suggest that you just tell him how you feel and acknowledge that he probably doesn't return you're feelings. Make him aware that you're okay with that, that the two of you can still be friends... But that you need some time and space to get over your feelings for him before preceeding with your friendship. That means that he doesn't call, doesn't IM for a while... And that if you say you're depressed and don't want to talk about it he needs to lay off the subject.
You may find out that he actually does reciprocate your feelings. And if he doesn't, that's okay too. While I understand that this guy is special... He's not the only one. You'll find a guy equally special one day that obviously does reciprocate you're feelings. If he's the only guy who actually listens and talks to you... It sounds like you may like him just by default. I challenge you to meet some new guys and challenge my theory.
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I apologize if this is in the wrong category first off.
Ok so...
I'm fifteen (female) and I guess you could just say that I'm worried. I'm worried about the future. I already know what I want as a career...or at least I did. But then I got to thinking how that's it. That's what I'll do for the rest of my life. Like, I can't just keep going back and starting over with a new career twenty or thirty times. I only have one lifetime. Then that's it. I mean, what happens after school? That's all I've ever known and I'm scared about how my life's going to turn out. Nobody can tell me what I should do with my life, it's all up to me. And that scares me. What if I make a wrong decision?
There's just so many different things that interest me, but I know that I can't just keep all of them for the rest of my life. As a career I mean. For instance, I have a passion for music, but don't think I have what it takes to pursue that as a career. But, I don't want to give it up completely. I fear that once my life gets started, I won't be able to play music as much. I look at my mom, and how she used to love painting. But after she had kids and got caught up with work and stuff, she doesn't paint anymore.
I'm just concerned at how my life might turn out. I'm worried that I'll look back in thirty or forty years and wonder why I wasted half my life away. =\
And I know that I don't have to pick my career right now because I'm only fifteen, but really...college is three short years away (I'm an upcoming sophomore). I'm just scared.
My advice: study hard while you are in high school. After you've graduated... Study hard while you are in college. And after you've graduated from college... Make time for music.
In the meantime... Relax.
Of course you don't know what it is that you want to do with the rest of your life. You're 15. Most people that I know entered college thinking they were going to do one thing with their lives... And ended up doing something completely different. After doing that for a while... They changed their minds and decided to do something else. According to statistics, the average person has at least three careers in their lifetime. A lot of older people that I know have had more than that and are still far from kicking the bucket... No telling what they'll be doing in five years from now.
The truth is that people plan for life... But things rarely ever go according to plan. Life has a plan of it's own. That's a good thing. Most of us have no idea what we want... And more often than not, once we get what we want to realize that it isn't what we thought it was going to be. That's because life is a journey... And as the corny old saying goes: 'It doesn't really matter where you go, it's how you get there.'
And no one can tell you what to do because... No one really has this whole 'life' thing figured out. We're all just making it up as we go along. That's okay too. How boring would the world be if everyone knew what they were meant to do and just did that their entire lives? Where's the fun in that?
And we're supposed to screw-up and make mistakes. Otherwise we'd never learn anything. Don't be afraid of getting it wrong the first time... Or even the second time for that matter. Again... How incredibly boring would the world be if everyone was perfect and made the right decisions all the time?
You're here to live, learn, and love. Don't worry about the future... The future will take care of itself. Just enjoy where you are now. You're only going to be there once.
And as for the... I'm worried about looking back fourty years from now and realizing that I wasted my life... There isn't such a thing as a wasted life. Whether you develop a cure for cancer or spend your life writing music that no one will ever hear... You're still going to learn things about yourself that no one could ever just tell you. You're still going to love people even if they die and are forgotten. You're still going to touch lives, sometime for the better sometimes for the worse, even if it's only in the smallest way. In the end, these things are all we really have.
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I am a Wiccan, and I believe (just not completely). I have I Wiccan spell book, and it says I need to completely believe in it, before it will work. I was taught not to believe in magic, but I have started to believe (but not enough to get the spells to work). Can anyone help me believe completely?
Belief...
I'd like to say that belief is a powerful thing... No matter what that belief is in. And people have different names for that power. Some call it the power of prayer, some call it the power of positive thinking, a recently published book calls it 'The Secret,' some people call it 'magic,' and people like me just call it energy. I believe that it's all the same thing and that it works the same way. But that's just me.
With this power people can heal sickness and injuries. With this power people can change their lives for the better. Perform miracles, so to speak. Jesus did it... And if I recall correctly, I do believe he said that anyone could do it. All they have to do is believe _enough_.
And believing is the hardest thing you'll ever do. There is no trick to it... No tip that anyone can give you to make something click into place inside your head. Learning to believe is a process. It takes time. The best thing you can do is be patient and realize that you're on a spiritual journey. Don't look for the supernatural. Look for the everyday miracles that people have a tendency to miss. Morgan Freeman said it best in 'Bruce Almighty' : 'Parting your soup is just a parlour trick. A single mother that manages to hold down two jobs and still attend her kids' soccer practice... Now THAT is a miracle.'
And don't rely on what you read in books. I've heard more than one Wiccan say that some of the best spells that they know are the spells that they made up themselves. You're allowed to create your own spells, your own rituals... Just like, while their are lots of prayers in the Christian faiths... Most people feel closer to God, and like they are being heard when they pray like they're talking to a friend. Don't be afraid to shake things up a little. There's no template that people HAVE to follow. You're allowed to do your own thing, that's what makes it so great.
And also... Rahzie has some very valid points. Listen to her.
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I am wanting to finally leave my abusive boyfriend. Problem is we just signed another one year lease. Also, the only money we have is in an account in my name, which is next to nothing. I have a friend that will give me money to move so thats not the problem. Problem is that he will be left with virtually no money and a rent of 1000 dollars a month plus all utilities. And I do not know how you go about breaking a lease. thanks for the advice
Close your account and give him the remaining funds if you want. As for the lease... You can try talking to the property manager about the situation. A lot of places will let you break the lease if you give them notice and the next month's rent in advance. I know a thousand bucks isn't easy to come by... So you may just have to bail. It might hurt your credit score... But it isn't worth risking your safety. Besides... You're credit score can go back up and it shouldn't stop you from finding another apartment. Try to work something out with the manager and get out as fast as you can.
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Alright, so me and my best friend are EXTREMELY close. We can tell each other anything and we trust each other completely. We hang out a lot and stuff and we're both addicted to taking pictures and stuff, so we go to the mall and take crazy pictures all the time. According to another of our friends, who is really really honest about anything, we are acting like lesbians? I don't know how, I mean we just like to hang out, like normal "best friends" should. I'm straight and I don't know about my best friend, but she says she is so I believe her. Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians, but if people think you are and you aren't, it can kinda mess up some relationships. I guess what I want to know is; how do you and your best friend act? if it's similair to the way we act, do people call you a lesbian? Thanks!
You're not acting like lesbians. Even if you were... Would it really matter? For example... My friend Amanda and I are both as straight as arrows. Last time I visited her in Florida... We walked all over Universal Studio's, all day, holding hands. I'm sure plenty of people saw us and drew all sorts of conclusions. But I don't care what people think... And neither does Amanda. We're just friends and we know the truth.
In another situation... My other best friend is a gay man. For almost a year we shared a one-bedroom apartment. Everyone living in our apartment complex thought we were married. Neither Josh or I ever said anything to lead them to believe otherwise. Because it didn't matter what they thought of us.
So... What I'm saying is... Whether this person is your friend or not, what she thinks isn't important. Don't let it come between you and your best friend.
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Ok so this isn't my problem, it's actually my best friend's. She confided all of this to me yesterday and was in need of some advice. I tried to help her out as best as I could, but I couldn't say too much because i've never really experienced anything like this. That's where you guys come in. So here is her dilemma: (I apologize, as per usual it's gonna be ridiculously long.)
Ok so my friend, Jane, has been having problems with her boyfriend Dave. She met him through work (which will later play into a large part of the problem) and at first she really liked him. But at the time she wasn't really looking for a relationship (she had previously been having issues with another guy who she worked with and hooked up with). But Dave started showing signs that he liked her and eventually asked her out on a date. The whole time he was a complete gentleman and even ended the night with a simple kiss on the cheek. They spent weeks just going on dates and talking and getting to know each other before they became official. At first she was smitten - they had so much in common and she got along so well with him, and that lasted for quite some time. However, it still was only the start of the relationship. As time went on, he ended up meeting most of her family and friends, and they all loved him. (And I as a friend agree - he's one of the greatest guys I've ever met and I couldn't have been more happy for her.) But now as the relationship starts to get on, the problems begin to arise:
- First off, they work together. And he's one of her supervisors. A.k.a. If some people they work with find out...big "UH-OH". They could both lose their jobs. [Which would be problematic for both, him being that it's his career, and her for the fact that it's an internship in connection with her school, and it's directly related to her major and what she wants to do in life.) But so far they've had no problems in keeping their relationship a secret. However, as of late she's starting to feel like she's missing out on something...which will tie in with the next issue...
- Friends. Dave dislikes many of the people that they work with. So that causes a problem for Jane on two levels: 1.) She can't go out with certain people from work whom she'd like to hang out with because if Dave wants to spend time with her as well, she can't bring him because they can't be seen together. and 2.) Even if they are people who she doesn't have to hide her relationship from, Dave doesn't like them. Now she could just simply divide her time up and hang out with them and then hang out with him another time, but again that goes into another issue...
- He wants to spend WAY too much time with her. He's crazy about her and loves her and they spend a lot of time together. But whenever she wants her distance and a night out with the girls, he gets upset and feels as if she doesn't want to be with him, which in turn makes her feel bad. And angry at him at the same time.
Now that you know all the little nuances, it's time for the MAJOR problem at hand (that ties them all in). There's an age difference between the two of them, she's 20 and he's 26. Now age really ain't nothin but a number, and it's not that big of a gap, but it is starting to come into play in this case. Since she's only 20, she wants to live her life and experience college and have fun. Him being 26 and pretty much settled in life, has different ideas about that. She has a very energetic and magnetic personality. She likes to command attention from everyone (but not in an obnoxious, annoying way) and she loves making new friends and having lots of different people around her. She usally makes many friends at work, but because of Dave she hasn't really been able to do that (because of the two situations mentioned above). So when she sees her friends and people from work hanging out outside of the job, she feels as if she's missing out. Also, she's going to be graduating early [in like, less than a year] so with that in mind, and with most of her friends being older and graduating this coming year, she wants to spend as much time with them as possible and have as many experiences as she can before college is over. However, she feels held back because of Dave and it's driving her crazy. That's coupled with the fact that he's really in love with her. To the point that he's stated that he wants to marry her and spend his life with her. Now that's the FARTHEST thing from her mind right now and she's definitely not ready to get married at any time soon, nor does she think about it. Also, as of now she lives in Rhode Island (that's where she goes to school and works) but her hometown is New York. So when she's done with school, she's definitley coming back to New York. He's been thinking of also coming to NY to pursue a teaching career. This bothers her because she doesn't know if he's doing that to just follow her or because he actually wants to teach there, and she doesn't want him making life decisions like that based on her alone. She's tried talking to him about some of these things, but he usually just gets very upset and doesn't really understand her reasoning. And she gets upset talking to him about it because she really cares about him, and she doesn't want to hurt him, but she feels like no matter what she says will.
About a little over a year ago she was dating this other guy, Julio, who became somewhat possessive and didn't really like her hanging out with her friends too often. So he broke up with her after 6 months because of it. She's been dating Dave now for 5 months and she's worried that it might have the same fate, being that it's nearing the same amount of time and such. But she really doesn't want it to end and cares about him deeply -- but everything he's been doing has been pushing her away. Also despite this she's been trying to make time to see her friends and hang out with them up in RI, but they keep bitching about her saying that she doesn't invest enough time in them and that she's "changed", then when she makes an effort they blow her off (which is an entirely different problem...but it doesn't help her situation.) Also because of this, she's been finding herself attracted to other guys, but not in a sexual way. For example, she's developed this sort of "crush" on Ted, one of her higher-ups at work. She knows nothing will come of it (her being in a relationship and him being married) and she doesn't think of him "like that" at all, but she's just attracted to his personality and the kind of person he is, and she just admires him. It's nothing that will damage her relationship, but she feels it has a lot to do with Dave and the way he's been acting. Plus Ted does this thing with all his co-workers where he'll invite them over to his house and make dinner for them and they'll have a nice fancy dinner with him and his wife (he's a chef). He invited Jane a while ago, and she was going to go, and even told Dave in advance, but the day before she was going Dave flipped out on her about it. She still went, but it really upset her. And lately every little argument sets her off and they end up screaming at each other. Another big part is that his last girlfriend was in a committed relationship with him, but then ended it abruptly as college ended to go back to her homestate, which left him pretty devastated. I thought this might have something to do with the way he's acting in this relationship.
This has been taking a toll on her emotionally and physically, and she just wants some peace.
Sooo after this long rambling entry, the question is: What should she say to Dave? How can she let him know how she feels without hurting him or upsetting him? She doesn't want to end the relationship (again, aside from the fights here and there he treats her like a princess and is one of the sweetest guys she's ever met or been with) because she cares about him deeply, but how does she let him know that and also at the same time tell him that she needs her time away from him and to live her life? What else can she do?
Any advice would be appreciated, I really just want to see my friend happy. It hurts me to see her upset and hurting like this :(.
Thanks so much =)
My honest opinion...
I don't think the problem is that Dave is older than her... Or even that they work together. I think the problem is that Dave isn't ready to be in a serious relationship. I'm not going to speculate as to WHY he isn't ready... I'm just going to say that Dave sounds one french fry short of a happy meal.
Here's why...
1. They've been together for five months... He's all ready talking about marriage... And while he may want to pursue a teaching career, couldn't he do that where he is now? Sounds like he may be building his world around her... And that's just a bad idea, no matter how long two people are together.
2. He's all ready telling her who she should and should not hang out with. What she should and shouldn't be doing. If he really loved her, wouldn't he want her to be happy? Even if that meant that he might miss her one night of the week? Even if that meant that she was friends with someone that he thought he was a total moron? Love is not selfish. He's being kind of selfish, demanding all her time.
3. If she tries to talk about these things with him and he can only get upset... He isn't communicating. If he doesn't communicate, the discussion stops there and then... How are they supposed to reach a solution? What happens when they experience other problems in the relationship? With-out communication... Relationships don't survive. Period.
She can try to work it out... The only way to work it out is for them to talk about it. If he can't talk about it like a rational adult... It's time for her to reassess this relationship and where it's going. I know he's a nice guy. But sometimes... Just because a guy is nice isn't a guarantee that everything is going to pan out.
Sorry to sound like such a kill-joy. It's just that this situation really concerns me because I'd hate for her to change who she is or miss out in life because his head isn't screwed on straight at the moment.
Ps. And in my opinion... Her other friends are being childish. Real friends understand that people grow up, have lives, and are busy. The older we get, the less time we have to socialize. They need to learn to share.
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im 14/f and in desperate need of some help...
well here goes...i've liked this guy since about january.he lead me on.he flirted ALOT!so natrually i flirted back and began to like him
this continued for a few months and during those few months i had my friend ask him out for me a couple times and he said no...which got me real confused.i didnt understand why he would flirt so much,but not date me.my best guy friend told him if he didnt like me that he should stop leading me on,but he didnt.so it kept on.close to the end of the year,there was a field trip for all the good kids at school(my parents didnt let me go).
so my best guy friend,the flirt,and me stayed at school with everyone else who couldnt go
there was alot of hugging and flirting going on
a game of truth or dare started up and i got dared
to kiss the flirt and well i did it that day we started going out than i thought everything was going good and he dumped me a week later...
well the last day of school came along and that day he kissed me good bye but little did i know i would be seeing him again...my friend invited him to her pool party and just my luck he showed up and so it began...we hugged.we flirted.we kissed
ALOT!!!
i saw him a week later and only got one hug
it was like nothing ever happend
could someone please tell me what is up and what i should do?im really confused.Thanx in advance
I understand why you are confused. Seems like one minute he's 'into you' and the next minute he's not.
Take a piece of advice from a dating veteran that's learned the hard way. Chances are... When you think that he's sending mixed signals... He's not, you're just misreading the signs. Don't feel bad, all women do it.
By telling you that 'no' he would not go out with you on several occassions... By dumping you a week later... He's trying to tell you that he just doesn't want to date you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. He likes you enough to flirt with you and kiss you... But nothing more. Take his behavior as a cue to move on.
And while I know that it's hard... Try not to take this rejection personal. Everyone get's rejected from time to time. It doesn't mean that you aren't fabulous... It just means that he doesn't realize it. Don't try to do him a favor and open his eyes either. A more productive use of your time would be to find a guy that realizes you're fabulous all ready.
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Me and my one guy friend have been best friends for a good three or four years now, and it's been great. We never fight, we're always there for eachother, and we always have alot of fun and a really good time together.
This is basically one of those "both on-and-off like eachother" scenarios. He'd like me, ask me out, I'd ask to be just friends. Time'd pass, I'd start crushing on him a bit, and never say anything and he'd get a girlfriend, I'd move on. While having a girlfriend, he liked me again, I didn't, etc. etc. This has been going on basically for the whole time we've known eachother, and nothing's really happened, so it's kind of been in my mindset that if something were to happen, it most likely would've happened already.
It's always just been a worry of mine with that question: "Well what if we break up or something? I couldn't bear to lose him as a best friend." Cause out of all ex's, I've only been able to barely continue a random friendship with ONE. And this best friend has told me I'm one of the only girls to ever turn him down as a girlfriend, I'm worried this is going to be just a "thrill of the chase" thing. Finally snag the girl he never got. I've just been sort of used to liking him a bit and getting over it, I don't know if I could actually date him and get REAL deep feeling for him, and not just thinking of him as my friend.
I couldn't picture kissing him or anything, in my mind..it just seems strange. I keep thinking maybe I only have crushy feelings for him, because he's such a genuine nice guy, it's hard not to have SOME feelings for him, he's such a sweetheart. But I've also kind of been thinking about it, and with the certain mindset I've been in all summer, I don't even think I really want a boyfriend at the moment, I kind of just like being off on my own, and single.
But he's being persistant lately with this whole issue, and he never has been this advancing before. Usually he just explains his feelings, and we move on cause I never feel the same at the same moment he does. But now, he's speaking of wanting to kiss me and everything, and I'm just not sure how to respond. And I'm getting constant calls and texts now, and it's driving me crazy cause I'm trying to be very careful with my words now to not giving any "meanings" behind anything that might make him think one way or another.
I guess I'm just asking how should I tell him that I don't think it's gonna work out [ once more ]? That I kind of would rather just not see anybody right now? I just want to be very careful with how I word things so not to really hurt his feelings [ I mean I know his feelings are going to be hurt no matter what, but I still want to put it as nicely as I can ], and just try to keep our friendship intact as much as possible with the least awkwardness there can be.
Point out his good qualities to assure him that he is a 'catch' and that any girl would be lucky to have him. Stress that you feel the need to be single during this phase of your life-not because he isn't great-you don't want to date anybody... And that you value his friendship. Ask him to respect the boundaries of your friendship (meaning to lay off the subject).
On a side note... I think you may be picking up the 'better friend than boyfriend vibe.' Stick to your gut.
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Alright, well, I know during the summer alot of people are going on vacation and things, but that's usually only been the case with a couple of my friends. My best friends and me always talk during the summer and hang out and keep in contact as much as we can.
Well, this summer seems to be different. Nobody's really been calling me, or asking me to do anything. My one best friend stopped talking to me for three weeks, and only the other day texted me to tell me how her and another friend of mine got backstage passes to this show. That doesn't make me jealous or anything, and she doesn't seem like the type of person to plot something like that, so it just made me wonder: "why text me now? and why tell me that specifically, really?"
My birthday was also a couple weeks ago. Had a couple "happy birthday" comments sent my way, which was nice, but nobody asked if I wanted to do anything. Even if they were busy THAT day, a hang out offer for another day would've sufficed. I know birthday's [ especially a 17th cause nothing too special happens ] isn't a humungous deal, but I'm the type of person that when things happen with/to friends, it affects me inside.
It's just been confusing me and making me angry. Sitting inside my house alot of my summer, spending my whole birthday alone in my room watching movies, just been making me feel really lonely lately and that either I'm the problem, or the people I have friendships with are the problem. I think it's just dawning on me now cause I keep thinking how it's my senior year, I figured everyone'd wanna especially get together now, this maybe being our "final summer" to spend together and final school year to hang and have a great year together, and ignoring me... isn't the best start.
I'm not even sure what advice I'm asking for here, I think I just wanted to see what other people's views on this was. If they've had friends like this as well, if it's just a "phase" that we all go through, everyone goes through a million friends.
Could be that you and your current friends are starting to drift apart. Drifting apart is a normal phase of life, especially during your teens. People constantly change... And these personality changes can erode the common ground that you and your friends once shared. Drifting apart can cause you to feel lonely and sad... But I promise that the lonliness and sadness won't last forever.
Or... Could be that if you are always waiting for an invitation... Your friends may think that you don't enjoy spending time with them. They may feel that they are always inviting you to go somewhere... And they may fear that the only reason that you accompany them is because you feel obligated. So... Try extending an invitation once in a while. You could even send a text message that says: 'I'm bored. Let's do something.' If your friends don't respond or are constantly turning you down... Don't sweat it. There is nothing wrong with them, there is certainly nothing wrong with you... You're just drifting. Take their absence as a cue to move on from the old friendships and make new friends.
And whether or not you're drifting... Making new friends never hurt anyone. And it's a lot easier than people think. I remember... When I was still in school I was extremely shy... But one day I saw this girl, she was new to our school, and I thought, 'She looks so lonely.' So... I sat down beside her and simply said: 'Hi. My name is Melissa. How are you?' After that we quickly became friends. Just smile, be confident and positive, and take the extra step to acknowledge people first. Not everyone will respond to this behavior. But a lot of people do. If they respond... Fabulous. If not... Don't sweat the small stuff.
I can also tell you... Some friends are forever... But most simply aren't. I have two friends that I've known since I was eleven-years-old. That's... Fourteen years. But I've had many more friends that have come and gone over the course of my life.
Relax. Everything is going to be just fine.
Take care ;)
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