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Best friends, yikes.
Me and my one guy friend have been best friends for a good three or four years now, and it's been great. We never fight, we're always there for eachother, and we always have alot of fun and a really good time together.
This is basically one of those "both on-and-off like eachother" scenarios. He'd like me, ask me out, I'd ask to be just friends. Time'd pass, I'd start crushing on him a bit, and never say anything and he'd get a girlfriend, I'd move on. While having a girlfriend, he liked me again, I didn't, etc. etc. This has been going on basically for the whole time we've known eachother, and nothing's really happened, so it's kind of been in my mindset that if something were to happen, it most likely would've happened already.
It's always just been a worry of mine with that question: "Well what if we break up or something? I couldn't bear to lose him as a best friend." Cause out of all ex's, I've only been able to barely continue a random friendship with ONE. And this best friend has told me I'm one of the only girls to ever turn him down as a girlfriend, I'm worried this is going to be just a "thrill of the chase" thing. Finally snag the girl he never got. I've just been sort of used to liking him a bit and getting over it, I don't know if I could actually date him and get REAL deep feeling for him, and not just thinking of him as my friend.
I couldn't picture kissing him or anything, in my mind..it just seems strange. I keep thinking maybe I only have crushy feelings for him, because he's such a genuine nice guy, it's hard not to have SOME feelings for him, he's such a sweetheart. But I've also kind of been thinking about it, and with the certain mindset I've been in all summer, I don't even think I really want a boyfriend at the moment, I kind of just like being off on my own, and single.
But he's being persistant lately with this whole issue, and he never has been this advancing before. Usually he just explains his feelings, and we move on cause I never feel the same at the same moment he does. But now, he's speaking of wanting to kiss me and everything, and I'm just not sure how to respond. And I'm getting constant calls and texts now, and it's driving me crazy cause I'm trying to be very careful with my words now to not giving any "meanings" behind anything that might make him think one way or another.
I guess I'm just asking how should I tell him that I don't think it's gonna work out [ once more ]? That I kind of would rather just not see anybody right now? I just want to be very careful with how I word things so not to really hurt his feelings [ I mean I know his feelings are going to be hurt no matter what, but I still want to put it as nicely as I can ], and just try to keep our friendship intact as much as possible with the least awkwardness there can be.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Point out his good qualities to assure him that he is a 'catch' and that any girl would be lucky to have him. Stress that you feel the need to be single during this phase of your life-not because he isn't great-you don't want to date anybody... And that you value his friendship. Ask him to respect the boundaries of your friendship (meaning to lay off the subject).
On a side note... I think you may be picking up the 'better friend than boyfriend vibe.' Stick to your gut.
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Ouch! Thats a tough thing to go throuhgh. Well you really just have to explain as nicely as you can that your friendship means way more to you and you dont want to lose him as a friend. Tell him that you love him but not in the way he thinks. More like a brother.
Hope i helped!
Yours truely
-Samantha
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