|
Need Advice on These Issues
Hey Folks:
I need some advice. I don't know how to say this, but will try my best. I've been talking to someone who lately has been having life problems. Here's what's going on with her. Her mom left her when she was about 4 or 5 years old, she's now 19. Her dad treats her like crap and dosen't really care for her and she also has a grandmother that lives with them that also dosen't seem to care about her. That can be very hard on someone for when they need their parents but don't give them the care that they need. Up until last night, she was dating a boyfriend who was pretty abusive to her. They were together for a year. Just last week, I was giving her advice and told her that they needed to break up, well she wouldn't listen. She said that her and her bf were gonna try to talk and that she would tell him how she felt about him. Well he didn't want to listen. So they broke up last night. Since the breakup, she's been very sad and in the past, she's had suicidal thoughts and at one point, had to stay in some place for a few months due to something else I won't say on here. I'm afraid she could become that way again. I would like to know what I can do about this situation. Also, does the fact that her parents not giving her much support is causing her to feel like no one cares about her? She does have friends including me who do care about her, but she dosen't think so. What is up with her? She's tried counseling in the past, but it didn't help her.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Ouch.
Okay... I am not a doctor. And I am not going to make any assumptions about your friend either. But I will tell you that I have suffered from severe depression and suicidal behavior in the past. My OPINION:
Yes. Your relationship with your parents can seriously affect your mental health. I didn't meet my biological father until I was twenty years of age... And for many years I carried a chip on my shoulder. My mother was very loving and supportive... But the absence of my father lead me to believe that he didn't care at all for my well-being. During our youth, we tend to internalize a lot... Meaning that when someone abuses us, neglects us, etc. we tend to believe that they are doing so because there is something deeply WRONG with ourselves... When really it's the other way around.
When you believe that something is so wrong with you that your own parents, the two people that are supposed to love you unconditionally, don't love you... This affects your ability to love yourself. If you can't love yourself, even if you are surrounded by loving people, you can not receive that love. You can not receive that love because you do not believe that anyone is capable of loving you. So you believe that they're lying, or that they don't know you well enough... That once they discover the REAL you they will abandon you. Or they're using you. Or sometimes... That unconditional love simply doesn't exist.
My ADVICE: All you can do is remain her friend and find someone that really can help her. You've done everything you can do... But if she's suicidal... This is way out of your league, my league, and the Advicenators' league. She needs a doctor. Don't let her tell you 'no.' Don't let her make excuses. If counseling didn't help before, it's because she didn't receive enough of it. Overcoming despression can be a constant struggle that lasts for years. Help her be patient.
]
well it seems like your friend really needs people right now to show her that people do care for her and not everyone is going to be like her parents and grandma. right now its probably hard for her to trust people and htink people care about her. and i would think yes to the part where her parents not supporting her makes her like this. & obviously the boyfriend isnt doing any help hes obviously making it worse. but shes probably staying with him because she feels like someones there to care for her even though he looks like hes doing the opposite.. but she really need support by you & whoever cares for herr with this boyfriend & tell her she doesnt deserve that & she shouldnt put up with it and can do much better . hope i help & i hope everything goes good with your friend. she seems like a great person that doesnt deserve this.
]
Parents not giving support is Always a problem, in some way or another. The fact that her mom left, is horrible. What is up with her? She's having a breakdown, not only does her dad, grandma, and mother hate her, but she had an abusive boyfriend. At home, her dad is obviously going to be saying snide comments about her body mind or otherwise, because either he is afraid she will pass him in inteligence, or he is just a total jerk. Breakups are always holes of destruction, anything cruel said to her will be absorbed like water into a drain, making her entire life miserable. Even joking comments hurt. Going to a shrink doesn't usually help, because most just want their paycheck, they dont care about you. My advice would be, to BE THERE for her, every step of the way, spread rumors about how beautiful she is, and how kind, give her a compliment every once in a while, dont make her beg for it, forgive her easily, she doesnt mean what she says when she's screaming, she just wants SOMEONE to hear what she has to say. Be the friend who she can cry on. Don't openly cut down her suicidal thoughts, just try to guide her away from them. Most likely, if she's suicidal, she's also cutting herself. Try to help her write a list of 30 things that are wonderful in her life. Randomely decorate her locker with pictures of her friends, and little sayings that remind her why she has friends. Give her all the support you can. 9 out of 10 she's not ready for a relationship so soon, but dont be afraid to introduce her to cute guys. (even if they arent her style of dating material, a guy friend on your side is a good thing to have) Because of the breakup, she's going to feel a piece of her heart ripped out, a piece she cant feel, find, or remember. She will feel alone, DONT LET HER FEEL ALONE, most suicide's are commited alone. Also, friends are a great thing to have, but dont overcrowd her, when there's hundreds of voices, its hard to let anything in. Hope this helps, please email me on how it goes, or if there's anything else ya need~!
~A
]
More Questions: |