I was only wondering IF you were jealous, but you have made it clear you are not. Well, you are certainly entitled to you feelings and I can empathize with being in such a situation. You mentioned that the husband is "abusive" and that concerns me. Especially with a baby in the house and a pregnant wife. I hope that none of you are in danger, but if have any reason to think that you are, please contact your local police. If that is really not the case, I would suggest escaping in some good books, playing music to tune out the noise...maybe headphones? Also, try going on some walks and getting to know some other people...hopefully more sane ones!

Water aerobics classes are a great way to move without putting a lot of stress on your joints/bones. The water supports you, as you move. I took several classes during late pregnancy and people of all ages/weights can participate. Like every other new excercise, get the okay from your doctor first. Call your local gyms, and city park and recreation department to find out where and when classes are available. Keeping your body in motion is important, so even while your sitting you can burn calories with arm and leg lifts, tapping your toes, etc...Put on some nice music and sneak in little exercises throughout the day between rests, plenty of water, and your doctor approved diet. You are already taking positive steps in managing your health, so keep movin!

Different schools offer different programs, and some are even student invented. If college is important to you and I hope it is, then choose something to support your academics. For example, Spanish Club to go along with a Spanish as a foreign language classes. Being a girl does not limit you to certain clubs! Try whatever seems exciting, but remember that you will need to put regular studies first, before you commit too much to extra activities.

You tell her what you just said. "I really don't want to be pushing my son into a relationship with...(anyone)...nor do I feel I should ever choose his dates." If she persists, than she is very disturbed or she at the very least is disregarding and disrespecting your decision. Let her know that you take it as a compliment that she thinks your son is so wonderful, but she needs to let the subject go, because it is putting a strain on your friendship. You can say this kindly and firmly. Practice saying it in front of a mirror or to another friend. There are many good books on setting healthy boundaries and dealing with difficult people, if you need more help. If this person is very disturbed and continues to bother you when you have made it clear you do not wish to discuss it with her, you may need to ask the assistance of your direct supervisor.

You were involved emotionally and sexually with at least two people at the same time, and that has got to be a little confusing for everyone involved. However, if you have ended your relationship completely with anyone, they need to respect that. If she is harassing you or making threats, you have an obligation to call the police. They may suggest you get a restraining order. Do not let yourself be manipulated by her "drama!" If you truly want to do the right thing for your family and it appears for your own happiness, then cut her off completely. You owe her nothing, because she is an adult and makes her own choices, whether they are beneficial or harmful. You are on the road towards making a healthy life for you and your family, so stay on course!

He may be back only temporarily and is thinking he should wait until he is back for good, before starting things up again with you. Sometimes people distance themselves emotionally from people they care about to avoid hurt. You miss him as a friend, and maybe letting him know that it is okay with you to just be friends will take the pressure off both of you. He may miss you more than he is letting on, but you need to be prepared for the opposite. Is he wanting emails/letters from friends? The less demanding you are, the more open he may be in the future to pick things up where they left off. If he just is not interested in any contact, you need to accept that and move on. Sometimes guys are not able or willing to communicate clearly that they want to end something. They do speak loud and clear with their actions. If his actions are to continue to put you off and ignore you, then that is his way of saying goodbye.

At what age is it safe to play with matches? Dating is similar. Sixteen sounds reasonable, but it depends upon the sixteen year old. Is the sixteen year old ready to make good decisions about morality, sex, safety etc....Is the person mature, emotionally stable, respectful of self and others? A good parent wants to know that their kid will make safe and moral choices on their own. Trust is a major factor. Having a boyfriend means different things to different people. Is the relationship going to be physical? There are many factors to be aware of besides age. Age is just one of many signs that one is prepared to enter the adult world of dating. Most adults find that dating is more fun and less dangerous when they have grown up.

Well, you already know what you SHOULD do, don'tcha? Your child died last year and now you have another child, that is a ton of emotional stress. The affair that you started is probably a self-indulgent attempt to escape the pain of loss, the work of marriage, and the responsibility of fatherhood. Maybe you have been distancing yourself from your wife emotionally and she is as confused as you are. The woman who has "captivated" you is not the woman you love, but a convenient pawn. If you care about this other woman at all, you won't drag her into your mess. Enjoy the days your wife can let go of her pain enough to show you love. Be supportive on the days she is exhausted and worn down emotionally. You are not torn between two loves. Love is doing something unselfishly for the good of another. Have you been doing any of that lately? Free yourself away from the captivity of fantasy and make a decision that will speak of the reality of your decision to love.

Kissing takes two! Everyone has their own style and preference. Just like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike. If you think that kissing is all the same, maybe you should slow down and learn the difference. Being attentive to details will make you a better kisser, also! You may still think it is "JUST kissing," but your next kiss may prove otherwise!

Sounds like you warned her about this guy already. If it makes you feel better to tell her about his latest player antics, then do it. I think you sound like a good friend and cousin. However, if she does not listen to you again don't be surprised! Maybe just suggest she invest in some protection (condoms) so she at least will reduce her chances of disease and/or pregnancy. At least you can learn from her mistakes, and be the "smart cousin."

You can enjoy having a crush whether or not he returns your feelings. Most people have more than one crush. I think guys have hundreds...anyway, it shouldn't hurt to talk to him. If he is not interested, then you have not lost anything and it's still okay to be friends. It is never the end of the world when someone does not return our affections...it just feels that way for a day or two...or until you notice that other cute guy...

If you want to know if he has a girlfriend just ask him. You can always say that you know someone who wanted to know if he was single. If he does have a girlfriend, then don't stress. They will probably not go out forever...most relationships are very short at your age. Be there as his friend either way and get to know him, before you get your hopes up too much.

Sounds like you need to win this guy's mom over! She may not want her some to plow into hot and heavy relationships just yet, and so she is trying to delay him dating. Try to earn her respect and trust by complying with her wishes. If she finds out you and her son are breakin the rules, she will most likely never trust you together. Let her and this guy alone for a while. If he still wants to see you, he will continue to ask his mom for a way to do that. She may eventually agree to group dating, chaperoned dating or visits etc...It may not be ideal, but it is a good starting place.

Was this guy special to you because he was a "first love" or something close to that? Females usually become more emotionally involved at an earlier age in relationships than males. It sounds like you really refused to let go, and tried to make him do the same. What did you like about him? Are you obsessed with him or just that "same feeling" you once experienced while with him. You also shared that you've had this problem with guys you "didn't like a lot." Do you like yourself better when you are someone's girlfriend? Does it make you feel pretty, loved, cared for, or valued? Those are truly wonderful feelings, and I don't blame you for wanting to feel that way all the time. The trouble is that feelings come and go in relationships. The good news is that you can feel valued and loved a lot more than you do now, but it cannot come from another person. You have to love yourself. Think about your talents, thoughts, desires, goals...anything that makes you, YOU! Spend more time admiring your own wicked good traits and make the boys wait for you!

It sounds like you are already very clear on the great reasons not to have sex too soon and the risks of std's. Some of your friends will regret having had sex in the future, but have not gotten there yet. It may be that one of the girls will contract herpes, another girl genital warts that can lead to cancer, or several other diseases in her near future if she continues to have sex. Another girl may become pregnant and have to face either motherhood or abortion. Maybe the emotional regrets will hit after being used by guys over and over again. Don't stop being their friend. Even if a girl has lost her virginity, don't give up on her. She may listen to you eventually and really need your friendship and advice. Try not to judge someone as a "hoe." Judgement will not solve anything, and will only isolate you. We all make mistakes, and some of your young friends may not have the guidance or self-esteem to say no to eary sex. If you can keep talking to them, as well as your virgin friends in an open and non-judgemental way, then you can learn from and support one another in whatever decisions you face.

Why can't you be told the truth? You just answered your own question. The problem is not with everyone else, but with you. The truth is more dangerous for our illusions than anything else, but some of our illusions are self-serving. Why do you think that everyone is afraid to tell you the truth? Should they be? Do you put off a calm vibe or a confrontational one? Are you fishing for the truth, or are you putting out bait for something else? What do you want to hear?
More importantly you have to understand a couple things about the truth. Number One: There is no such thing as THE truth. There are only opinions. Number Two: No one owes you or is obligated to tell you their every opinion or truth as they see it, about you or anything else. Number Three: "The truth will set you free"...okay, free from what? Your truth will set you free from your own misconceptions.
In conclusion, you need to first ask yourself if you can handle "the truth" and let everyone else handle it their own way. Maybe someone is telling you the truth, but you don't like it. You can't obtain what you don't already own. If the truth is not in you, then you can't get it elsewhere. Most of the time we just want to hear validations of our own opinions, because it feels good to be right. If someone disagrees with you about the truth, don't dismiss it right away...consider it. Truth is a process, not an answer.

Slow down hard to get! I can hear the desperation in you, and that is never an attractive quality. Take a deep breath and learn your lesson. Is he now playing hard to get? Probably he just moved on. While it is true that guys love the chase, they are simple creatures who will chase a new toy if the present one keeps playing TOO hard to get. Is it the smartest thing to now go and tell him about your foolish failed act to trap him and reveal your desperation? I think you should realize that instead of telling HIM he still has a chance, you need to accept the fact that you may have lost yours. I don't know if his girlfriend ever had more to offer him than you, accept maybe honesty. In the future, know that you don't have to show someone all your cards, but you do have to let them know you are in the game!

You should be aware that the way you are treating your partner in and out of bed affects your relationship not only with one another, but with her family as well. If your girlfriend is adult enough (and she had better be over 18yrs old) to decide she wants very rough sex, than she is old enough to tell her parents herself. Why should you have to explain for her? You are probably right about her family not approving of the physical abuse you say she enjoys. She had better convince them herself, but don't expect the welcome wagon. It would be unlikely to expect rational loving parents to view you as anything other than abusive. Does the abuse stop in the bedroom? Sex is reflective of the health or lack of health in the individual and the relationship. Why are you referring to the woman you are with as their 'little princess?' Is the sarcasm your way of saying that she is better off with some guy who will rough her up than a prince? Would you approve of your sister, mother or daughter being with a male who found violent sex desireable. I would find it hard to believe that you totally value and respect this woman, and her family will agree. If you cared about her beyond her being a sexual ragdoll, than you would not have created this situation for either of you. Don't tell me she likes it, again. So what if she does, it does not change the fact that YOU enjoy hurting women, and that is abusive behavior.

Did you come from planet beautiful? I actually heard this line once and fell for it, until I heard it again from the same guy telling it to another girl. The point is that some guys are really good at giving girls the gooey lines we love to hear...as long as they are only for us and totally honest, right? Sorry, but the "romantic" guys are pretty much the smooth-talkers that use their knowledge of what a girl loves to hear(endless flattery to indulge her ego) to get somewhere with that girl of the moment. It actually concerns me more that you are feeling insecure because this new guy is not feeding you enough bull to make you feel secure. Is a boyfriend supposed to be a judge in the highschool beauty pageant to vote you "most attractive?" Maybe you should consider what you need to hear from a guy for you to be convinced that he likes you for you. No girl is "the hottest", because as you said, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but, it is also because beauty does not last. Models get dumped and cheated on all the time! Sometimes the prettier the girl is, the less self-esteem she actually has. This is because she has based most of her sense of self on looks. You are more than a pretty face sweetheart! Stick with the guys that see your dazzling wit, your flair with auto-mechanics, the beauty of your latest science project, or your gorgeous sense of humor!

You are a separate person from DH. DH is a separate person from you. Sounds simple? Obviously it is not, because you may be losing a healthy sense of your own identity and confusing it with his. It is so important for you right now to concentrate on who you are, and to remember what you value in life. Do not let your sense of self get blurred just because DH is inconsistent with his desires and may be struggling to balance reality and fantasy. You have no reason to be jealous of the female friend. She has nothing you want. NOTHING! If and I mean IF something is going on with them on the emotional and or physical level, it is based on a fragile fantasy. Just make sure you keep a level head and stay in reality. Because you are emotional (understandably so) right now, it is important to think rationally. Be your own best friend right now, and give yourself the best advice you can for you, just you! Faith and trust are two separate things. Faith is based on the unseen and trust on the seen. You had faith in a relationship because you had no visible reason not to. You had trust in DH because you saw reason to trust. Now you are seeing more of his character and he is revealing himself by his actions, more than his words. Can you have faith without trust? That might lead you into a fantasy more distorted than the porn DH is apparently fond of.

I think the point of the question was for you to reflect on how you might live out one of those difficult moments or decision making moments in your life. Does God make an impact on how you live your life? How about the difficult decisions? Maybe having God right next to you would make you feel safer, more empowered or more open to new experiences. You said that you, "know that god is with you all the time." Knowing and believing are two separate things. You can know what is taught or written in the Bible, but to believe it for yourself is an internal experience. Do you internally experience God? Do you believe that God is with you all the time? Does your belief affect your actions in life? By the way, no one really knows what they would do in any situation until it personally happens to them. We can only guess based upon our current beliefs/thoughts/feelings/experiences.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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